- Dealing with TechTards is A Lot like The DMV. You call One motherfucker for Help and They tell You that You need to talk to This Person or That fucking Person, But it’s Never Actually the fucking Person You are currently Talking too.
First You have to fucking Fight whatever God fucking Awful Automated System that Acts as the fucking Gate Keeper. Then right as Your about to Lose Your fucking Mind and Have already Cursed Out the Automated Asshole System the First Customer Representative (CR) listens to Your entire fucking Story and then Tell You They will Transfer You which is the fucking Kiss of Death. Once You’re stuck on the fucking Transfer Train You will get Bounced around having to Tell 2,3,4 fucking Other CR You entire fucking Story all Over.
That or the First CR claims It’s NOT THEIR COMPANIES Fault, and that You should Call Every Other fucking Tech Company You also Deal with. If it’s the Latter and You’re instructed to Contact one of the Other Tech Companies You have to go through the ENTIRE FUCKING BULLSHIT PROCESS ALL OVER AGAIN. Usually just the Way DMV bounces You from Line to Line so will The Tech Assholes.
What I mean is They all Claim that there is ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUE on Their End so Its Someone Else’s Issue or Perhaps Your Computer is fucked. The Other Day I had to Log into FYB through a Backdoor of WordPress, and to do that I had to Log into Bluehost, BUT Blue Host was Loading. I did EVEY Trouble Shooting Trick in the Entire Goddamn Book before Begrudgingly Accepted the Fact I would have to CALL Bluehost.
I dread making these type of fucking Phone Calls because I get Angry and My Blood Pressure Sky Rockets like an asshole. One Day I may Suffer an Anger/Rage Induced Brain Aneurism I swear to God. I fought through the Automated motherfucker and reached a Real Person. Immediately after I told Him that My Issue was Bluehost’s Website wouldn’t Load Told ME it was in Fact MY INTERNET PROVIDER that I needed to Talk too about the Issue.
I wasn’t standing for any of this Happy Horseshit so I told Him quite Aggressively that My Internet is fucking Fine, and Not only That But I was Streaming the Shit out of Netflix, Tweeting on My Phone, Googling all Kinds of Crap, and Youtube was Up on My iPad. So the Problem isn’t My Internet I told Him because Obviously Everything I just Listed wouldn’t e Working Either.
The conversation then went in the Same shitty Circle for 15 Minutes before the CR gave Me a Tip to Trouble Shoot the Issue at Last. He then became utterly Obsessed with sending Me some fucking Sort of E-mail. I don’t know where that fucking E-mail Ended Up, But he sat on the Phone FOREVER and a fucking Day waiting for Me to Confirm I received it. I decided I had had Enough for one fucking Day, and Simply Hung Up.
2. For Our Lawyers Sake:
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Thanks for Reading,
By Les Sober
By Les Sober