Tag: COVID

My Two Cents On Three Subjects.

Since Mondays can be a Little Mind Muddling I figured I’d Keep it Simple and Give You My So-Called Two Cents on Three Separate Subjects. The Topics are divided into the following Categories Not So Current Events, Morbid & Murderous, and Utter Absurdity for Absurdity’s Sake. Feel Free to Discuss Them with Your Friends, Family, Co-Workers, and General Public since Americans use Their fucking Smart Phones instead of Their Actual Smarts. The Bottomline is the “Smarter” the Phone the fucking Stupider the User Becomes as They’re Dumbed Down to Moronic Levels but I digress. Without further ado Let’s get Started.

     

No So Current Events:

I have purposefully tried to Avoid Posting about the Global COVID Pandemic for a Myriad of fucking Reasons, But there is One fucking thing I just Can NOT Stay Silent About. The Pandemic Hot Button Topic I am going to Address here is Kids Going Back To School. Now I’m not here for an In-depth fucking discussion of Kids, School, and all the Usual Bullshit since We all Know why school is Important and that Socialization is Vitally Important so I refuse to Beat a Dead Horse.

My Issue Lies Solely with the Parents. As We are all more than aware Parents are fucking Notorious for Bombarding Other People They encounter with Stories, Pictures, Videos, Social Media Posts, and General Bullshit about Their fucking Kid(s). They spout cliche shit like

  • “Children are a True Blessing”
  • “Having a Kid/Kids Changes Your Life Forever”
  • “Raising Kids is the Greatest Accomplishment One can Accomplish.”
  • “If You Don’t have a Kid/Kids Then You Just Don’t Understand.”
  • “It’s a Shame They Grow Up So Fast.”
  • “Their (Kids) are Angels here to Enlighten Your Life.”
  • “Children are the Future.”
  • “Anything for the Kids.”
  • “I’d Die before I let anything Bad happen to a single Hair on My Child’s Head.”

                  

Along with an Arsenal of Other Parental Wisdoms They Intend  to spread to the Four fucking Corners of the fucking Earth. This Overwhelming Desire to Subjugate the Rest of the World Population to Their Parenting Bullshit seems to be EXTREMELY HYPOCRITICAL in the Age of Covid. When it came to Opening Schools/Sending Kids back to School during an Ongoing Global Pandemic at First Parents were Wary as They damn well Should Be, but then there was a MONUMENTAL ATTITUDE SHIFT among Parents as the Months Rolled On By. Then all of a Sudden One Day the Topic of Kids actually Viably and Safety returning to School Exploded like a fucking Powder Keg across America.

The Next thing Anyone Knew Parents were EVERYWHERE Online, Social Media, and TV Whining Ironically like Bratty Kids about How Much They Wanted Their Kids Back At School. This simple above all had nothing to do with what’s Best for the Kids but What the Aggravated Parents wanted Do to Quarantine. Basically Parents where SICK AND TIRED of having Their Kids with Them in Quarantine and were Blatantly Pushing the School Opening so Their Kids would be SOMEONE ELSE’S PROBLEM. Its fucking astounding How Parents in America Act like They’re Entitled to having The Educational System Raising THEIR fucking Kids for Them. It took just a Matter of Months before Parents couldn’t get Away from Their fucking Kids Fast Enough, and to make it worse where All Over the Place Whining About it like Assholes. Also this is fucking shitty because NOT ONLY are You willing to put Your Child, Yourself, Friends, Family, Teachers, and School Staff in Harms Way (could Result in Their DEATH) because KIDS BECAME TOO INCONVENIENT FOR THEIR PARENTS.

Now the ONLY People You should Listen to in an Emergency especially if its fucking Life or Death to THE EXPERTS Not the Media, Social Media Mob, or Online Idiots and Assholes. I’ll just make My Point by saying if I had a Child or Children During this Covid-19 Pandemic I WOULDN’T SEND THEM TO SCHOOL UNTIL ALL TEACHERS AND SCHOOL STAFF ARE VACCINATED, AND THE CDC SAYS IT’S OK. Parents were Literally Gambling with Their Kids (Along with Theirs and Others) Lives because They were Aggravated by Their Supposedly Precious Little Angels. The Hypocrisy was/is Absolutely fucking Astounding that People would Praise Their Kids Until They wanted a Break From Them then All Bets are Off as it were.

MORBID AND MURDEROUS: HOW TO DISPOSE OF DEAD NINJAS

The Most Effective way to Remove and Transport The Corpse of a Dead Ninja is to Simply Cut it Up into 6 Separate Pieces. The You Place the Torso on the Bottom, Fold the Legs and Place Them on Top of the Torso. Next You fold and Place the Arms on Top of the Legs, and Then Lastly Place the Head like the Cherry on a Sunday made of Human Flesh.

You can NOT Burn a Body of a Dead Ninja Properly to Dispose of it. Only a Professional Crematorium has the Equipment Needed to Incinerate an Entire Human Corpse. To Fully dispose of a Human Corpse (with the Exception of small Pieces of Left over Bone) You need a Heat Source of 2,700 Degrees Fahrenheit for Several Hours. This can Not be Accomplished by Dousing the Corpse in a Flammable Fluid and setting it Ablaze.

When Disposing of the Corpse of a Dead Ninja in a Body of Water can be Much Trickier than Most People would Think. The Problem is Bodies Bloat which means They will Float like a Motherfucker, and They Rot so They tend to break free and Float to the Surface. The Issue is when the Human Body starts to Decay it Swells with Gases like a fucked up Cadaver Balloon making it Buoyant. The First method to handle this Problem would to Stab the Corpse just below the Heart to Slice Open the Stomach. This way the Gases can’t Build Up and Increase the Chance of the Bodie becoming a Floater. The Problem with this is Anchoring the Body is still an Issue. You see Crabs, Fish, and Other Aquatic Life feed on the Rotting Flesh until the Body starts to come apart. So if you Anchored the Body with Chains (around the hands and Feet) sooner or later due to Time or Animals will Decay away, and thus the Body can be moved about by Weather or Currents. The most Effective way to Dispose of a Corpse in a Body of Water is to Wrap Chicken Wire Around it from Head to Toe mind You so You’ll Need a Rather Large Piece. This way when the Body Starts to Bloat the Chicken Wire will Lacerate the Rotten Flesh Not only Releasing the Built Up Gas but Also Keeping the Body Tightly Secured within the Chicken Wire.

One of the MOST EFFECTIVE AND TABOO ways to Dispose of a Dead Ninja’s Body is to Actually Eat the Evidence, and then Grind Down the Leftover Bones into Dust. No Body No Crime.

UTTERLY ABSURD:

This is The Semi Annual Podunkville Turkey Vulture Report. The Tirkey Vulture Road Kill Clean Up Crews are Seriously Lacking resulting in an Overall Rating at the Time of this Evaluation a Solid D. If You are in the Podunkville area and See a Turkey Vulture Please tell it in Your most Assertive Voice to “GO BACK TO WORK YOU FUCKING BUM!” We suggest You do this from an EXTREMELY SAFE DISTANCE or Optimally from the Confines of a Motor Vehicle. This is Specifically for Your Safety as Turkey Vultures are Rather Large Disagreeable Birds with Seriously Shitty Attitudes, and They are Armed with Razor Sharp Talons and Powerful Beaks.

Also Turkey Vultures are Known for Vomiting on Their Enemies primarily as a Defense Tactic, But You Know what They Say the Best Offense is a Good Defense. It  is also Unconfirmed as of Now, Yet Perturbed Turkey Vultures may try and Shit on You (as well as Vomit) when Confronted in what They perceive to be an Unkindly Manner. There is No Official Strike by the Turkey Vultures as of Yet and There are Rumors of Turkey Vultures succumbing to Anorexia. Whatever the Reason the Turkey Vultures of Podunkville need to return to Their Regularly Scheduled Scavenging as Soon as Possible before The Road become Littered with Carcasses, and Dominated by the Pungent Stench of Death and Decay.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober

FYB Update: We’re Back on the Radar

We would like to take a Minute to Thank Our Fans for Sticking with Us even when We suddenly go Off the Grid. The Honest Truth of the Matter is We needed to take a Vacation from 2020 the Year Everything went to Hell in a Hand Basket and Everything turned to Shit. No even a Extremely Hardcore Natural Born Pessimist such as Myself could have predicted a Royally Fucked Up Shit Storm which is 2020. And Lets fucking Face it 2020 has You either so Depressed Your contemplating Drowning Yourself in Your Toilet OR so Enraged that Your Blood Pressure leaves You on the Verge of having a Massive fucking Stroke 24/7.

In Fact We are of the School of Thought that when it comes to the American Timeline that We “13th Floor” 2020 all together. Just as the Elevator’s in Hotel and the like go from Floors 12 to 14 skipping 13 since Plenty of People (More than You Realize) throughout History are Superstitious, and 13 is perceived to be an Unlucky Number. This of course is ridiculous version of Out of Sight Out of Mind and, it Worked as Long as there technically isn’t a 13th Floor (which Obviously there is since You can’t build a Building minus an Entire fucking Floor) People chilled the fuck out.

            

Thusly We hereby Suggest when it comes to the America’s Historical Timeline that We turn a Similar Blind Eye to 2020. It’s really quite simple just like the Elevator’s appears to skip the 13th We should modify The American Timeline. Once 2020 is finally reached its Chaotic and Utterly Fucked up end We erase it We’ll just have the Years go 2018, 2019, 2021 thus Illuminating the Memory and Denying the Existence of 2020 all together.

Anyway We desperately need to take some time off to Clear Our Heads and try to Reassemble Our Decaying Sanity. Just like the Cliche “Change of Scenery” or “Stretch Our Legs” We took a rather Impromptu Road Trip. You see Every Year We visit My Wife’s Family around Mid August for a Group Birthday Celebration. This is Due to the Fact My Wife, Her Two Cousins, and Her Uncle all have August Birthdays. Many Years back the Family decided to do One group Birthday Celebration as opposed to One after the Other after the Other and So On. The Only Issue this Year was They all live in The Great Souther COVID Ridden Swamp know as Florida, and with all the Negative Press on How Florida fucked up the COVID response Worst than Most States made for a Daunting Trip to say the Least.

           

Let’s face it Florida has and Always will be rather Fucked up and Home to a Wide Array of fucking Weirdos, Lunatics, and Fanatics even before the Coronavirus. I mean there actual Slang Terms (all of which are Negative) for Floridians because of Their Odd and Bizarre Mentality or Behavior. One of the Most Popular is the Term “Florida Man” which refers to News Stories pertaining to some Seriously Stupid, Careless, or Out Right Retarded People Joke that the Story has to be from Florida since they’re Known to be Half Assed Idiots. Then there is My Favorite Term “Floridiot” which is Self Explanatory. Lastly since Unfortunately America has been Ravaged by COVID Floridians fall into the Demographic go the Populous referred to as COVIDIOTS. COVIDIOTS are Anti-Maskers, Trump Supporters, COVID Conspiracy Nut Jobs, or Any Dumbfuck that thinks the Coronavirus is Exaggerated or Even a Hoax. Again essential Trump Supporting MAGAssholes.

           

Luckily for Us it Turned Out the County We were Visiting did in fact have a Mandatory Mask Mandate and Enforced (for the most part) Social Distancing which was a Pleasant Surprise and quite a fucking Relief. We only went where Necessary and Avoided Everything Else so No We didn’t go to the Goddamn Beach, Bullshit Bars, or Any Amusement Parks Populated currently by Complete Assholes. Thats not to Say We stayed Totally Hunkered Down in One Place the Entire Time and the Trip was one of the Easiest Going and Relaxing Trips I’ve ever taken to Florida aka Hell. Going into it based on all the Negative News about Florida I figured it be a Bunch of White Trash Trump Supporters running amok Coughing on Everyone, Sneezing on Every Surface while They Gleefully Spit into Each others Mouths.

           

The Most Entertaining part of the Trip was My Wife’s Eldest Cousin Cliff. Cliff was a Fanatic and Adamant Republican before He could even fucking Vote. Well After 2016 and the Following Four Years of the Escalating Destruction of America by an Orange Asshole He has Abandoned the Republican Party and is Now Voting Democrat. But that Not the Entertaining Part as We all Know or recently have become Aware Boating and Dipshit MAGAssholes have become a Hot Topic if You Will. All I can Say about Boaters for Trump is where the Fuck is a Category 5 Hurricane when You fucking Need One?! Anyway My Wife’s Family have always been Big into Boats and Cliff just so happen to have Bought a New Boat Recently.

Apparently one of the First things He did upon Purchasing the Boat was to Equip it with a Flag. Cliff chose a VERY LARGE Black Flag with the Red Lettering that says “FUCK TRUMP”, and Drives it past Boaters with Trump Flags for the Sole Purpose of Pissing Them Off. And Let’s face it Stupid People are Easily Angered. The Best Part if Cliff is an Insanely Intelligent Person Who has A Master Degree in Spanish-American History (The Spanish have a long fucking History in Florida), and He just Finished His Phd Thesis Paper. So when Moronic MAGA Maggots get all Butthurt about the Fuck Trump Flag Cliff and I Quote “I Have No Problem taking on Any of those Idiots.” Let’s Just Say I couldn’t be Prouder and Cliff has earned a Great Deal of more of My Respect.

            

We apologize again for suddenly (and until now Unexplainably) Gone Off Grid as They Say. We are Back and Back with a Fucking Vengeance and We will be Increasing the Amount of Content as a Direct Result. Stay Tuned and Thank You to Our Fans for Tolerating Our Erratic Brand of Insanity.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober

Where Ever You Go There You Are

It’s No Secret that I have a Extremely Low Opinion of the Human Race and People in General. I avoid People as much as fucking possible unless I absolutely have to Interact with Them. Recently a Friend of Mine had a Falling Out with one of Their Long Time Friends, and when I heard the Story I gave My Honest, Straight to the Point, No Holds Barred Opinion since I Don’t Pull My Punches. After We talked My Friend suggested I write a Post about it, and so here I am Doing just That.

The Backstory: My Buddy Who I will call “Bob” got a Text from His Long Time Friend I will call “Phil” who unbeknownst to Bob had totally fucked up His Life in Texas. So being one of those People that Blames Everything and Everybody for Their shitty Life, BUT THEMSELVES. That being so Phil decided to up and move to Florida. Phil believes that His moving  would Magically Fix everything Wrong in His Life just by Relocating. The Problem is Phil hasn’t figured out the fact that Wherever You Go You There You Are. Point being You can’t out run Your Problems because You are the One creating the Perceived Problems, and until You work out Your issues They will stick with You no matter where the fuck You may Go.

              

The problem arose when after Impulsively agreeing to let Phil and His Girlfriend crash at His House Bob resized He had made a Mistake. In all due Favor Phil contacted Bob and informed Him of His Situation a mere 3 Hours before planning to arrive at Bob’s House. Phil also just fucking Assumed that Bob would Automatically let Him, His Girlfriend, and all Their Stay at His House. With COVID running amok across America, and a Wife with Pre Existing Medical Conditions Bob realized it be Far too Dangerous (not to mention Idiotic as all Hell) for Phil to Stay with Him. Bob felt bad and Offered to Pay for Phil’s Hotel Room, and Apologized Profusely for His Mistake/Lapse in Judgment, and here is the Final Text Phil sent Bob before Cutting Off all Further Communication.

“Never blamed the virus on you, but still can’t believe that we were turned away after 2 days of hell on the road. I’ve known you for almost 20 years and  “Roberta”(Bob’s Wife) for almost 10 years, it’s not like I’m a total stranger. I know she (Roberta) has never met Amanda (Phil’s Girlfriend), but she is super cheerful and careful because I also have a weakened immune system. We don’t take this Virus Lightly. Can’t believe you couldn’t vouch for us after all we’ve been through and hate that you’re controlled all the time. I know the virus is scary but we were trusting you enough to stay over at your house. Evidently there was no trust in return.”

Well Holy Motherfucking Shit this Text is so Twisted and Ass Backwards I barely Know where the fuck to begin, so I’ll just Start at the Beginning.

              

Phil starts with the Statement that He doesn’t Blame the Virus on Bob well isn’t that fucking Nice of Him. Phil then bitches/Complains about He’s “Hellish” road trip from Texas to Florida. That has absolutely NOTHING to do with Bob at all as Bob didn’t tell You to move or to relocate to Florida that was all Phil’s doing. Phil just comes off like a whiny little Brat who gets angry if He can’t do whatever it is He wants to do which for a grown man is Utterly Pathetic to say the least.

The Next point of Phil’s about being friends with Bob for 20 years and shit is Ridiculous. If Phil was actually as Good a Friend as He apparently claims to be (not to mention for 20 fucking years) He’d understand why Bob had to change His Plan. I mean it’s just A GLOBAL PANDEMIC where America has become the Epicenter , and the Fact Phil was coming from one of the Worst COVID States in the Nation doesn’t Help His argument. That and He stopped over in Mississippi where a shit ton of People like Phil use as the Half Way Point it too is a Highly Infectious Area. The lastly Phil is traveling through Florida yet another Entire fucking State that’s a fucking Hotspot. SO to recap Phil went from Texas to a Well Used Half way stopping point for other COVIDIOTS, and then Travels through Half of Florida just to get to Bob’s House.

Talk about High fucking Risk, and as far as I know Phil nor His Girlfriend where following Coronavirus Protocol like Social Distancing or Wear a goddamn Mask. For All Anyone Knows Phil didn’t practice the recommended Safety Protocols at all, and could have encountered/Interacted/Hung Out with Who fucking knows how many People during his 48 hours on the Road. Not like Any of US was There.

              

Phil then makes the utterly Asinine comment that He “Isn’t a Stranger” as if that means that some how by Knowing Bob thats means Phil and His Girlfriend aren’t an High Risk Factor for Infection. The Fact Their Friends doesn’t even Factor into it, it was just a way of Phil trying to make Bob feel Guilty. Guilty for what exactly for Protecting His Wife and Himself from again A MOTHERFUCKING GLOBAL PANDEMIC that has KILLED over 138,ooo fucking Americans Alone?! Trying to manipulate Your Friend with Guilt to Me means They were Never a Real Friend to fucking begin with, I mean who the fuck does that Immature Childish Shit?!!

Then Phil talks about His Girlfriend who first and foremost is allegedly a Very Cheerful Person. Oh I’m fucking Sorry is being fucking Cheerful a Coronavirus Deterrent, NO IT FUCKING ISN’T. Phil’s Girlfriend’s cheerfulness is a COMPLETELY MOOT POINT as it means fuck all in this Situation. Then Phil say His Girlfriend is Careful, and I’m calling BULLSHIT BIGT IME on that Stupid Statement. If She was in Fact Careful then She would have stayed Self Quarantined in Texas, and Not Travel 2 Days across some of the Most Infected fucking Areas there are Currently. She would have realized the UNNECESSARY and Dangerous Risk a Trip like that would Pose. Traveling was the RISKIEST thing to do during a fucking Global Pandemic, and the Safest would to be to Stay Put and Self Quarantine. Careful My Ass.

                

Phil then adds to the Idiocy buy saying that He has a Weakened Immune System or Pre Exisiting Condition which make Him at the Highest Rick of Coronavirus Infection. Again with a weakened Immune system WHY THE FUCK would You take a 2 Day Road Trip? That makes ZERO SENSE and was an Incredible Stupid thing to do. Also if His Girlfriend was careful She would have NEVER allowed Him to Leave, BUT She didn’t She went with Him. Phil then has the balls to claim that He and His Girlfriend don’t take the Virus Lightly well Again We see Phil’s Actions are the EXACT OPPOSITE of what He’s Claiming. Not to Beat a Dead Horse, BUT taking a fucking Road Trip currently IS THE GODDAMN EPITOME  of taking it Lightly.

The Phil mentions Bob not Vouching for Him, but Vouching for what Exactly?! Vouching that Phil is Trustworthy, a Good Employee, or that He’s COVID Free in spite of the Extenuating Circumstances?! There’s No fucking Context so the whole Vouching For deal is Nonsensical Horseshit. Then Phil claims that Bob is “Controlled all the Time” whatever the fuck that means. What Bob is being controlled by Aliens, Evil Spirits, The New World Order, The Military, The Government, CIA, or Some Evil Entity?! Serious what the fuck is Phil babbling about here I have No fucking Idea I just know its 100% Irrelevant to the Conversation.

                

Finally right at the very fucking end of His Lengthy Text Phil admits or Acknowledges that the Coronavirus is indeed Scary. Well thats News to Me since Phil’s Actions Speak FAR LOUDER than His Feeble Words. Then all of a Sudden Phil Says “We Were Trusting You to Stay at Your House” like Bob, His Wife or His House was the Safety Issue?! It’s Phil and His Girlfriend that Pose the Threat to Bob and His Wife, Yet Phil seems to be trying some Role Reversal Tactic which is a SERIOUS PUNKASS BITCH OF A MOVE. Then Phil goes back to attempting to Guilt Bob with the last line pertaining to Trust.

Phil has the fucking Nerve to bring up the Subject of Trust?  If I was Friends with Someone for 20 fucking Years I’d Trust though They may be Disappointed They would TOTALLY UNDERSTAND Why. The Fact Phil is Bitching, Guilt Tripping, and All Out Arguing the Facts around the Pandemic thats Affecting goddamn Everything (Not just Phil although He seems to Feel He is the Only Asshole on the Planet. Hey Phil YOUR NOT ALONE) just make Phil look like a Really Shitty Friend. Phil is being so Shitty over the Situation most People would immediately reconsider Their Friendship with Phil. Who wants a So Called Friend that Acts like an ABSOLUTE AND UTTER SELFISH SELF CENTERED FUCKWIT??? Phil need to get the fuck Over Himself, Man Up, and Take Responsibility for His Life Not Running Around picking Fights with His Friends for Fuck’s Sake.

              

More Proof People are fucking Idiots. I seriously wonder Sometimes how the hell Humanity has made it this fucking Far without Going Extinct due to Our Own Mistakes, Behavior, and Overall Shitty Attitude. We Pollute the Water, Air and Land while Killing Off Entire Species, and Constantly Trying to Kill Each other its Amazing Humanity has somehow (I assume due to Dumb Luck) hasn’t Gone the Way of the Dinosaurs.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober   

The Return Of THE TEXPOCALYPSE!

It’s been a Long while to Say the Least since We have had a Textpocolypse, and Honestly it’s Overdue. The Textpocolypse Posts are some of the (Insane, Obscene, and Absurd) Text Exchanges between Our Dear Friend and Partner in Crime Spacedog and Our Defacto Leader Les Sober. So without a Further A Due lets get to it.

Spacedog: Oh no your fetus is exhibiting very cult like behavior.

Les: Umm…it must be Jim Jones Syndrome. Fetal Cult Like Behavior is the Kid Brittany’s Kid?! LOL fuck Her…Apparently most of NJ Has.

Spacedog: I think you are the only straight man that’s fucked her that isn’t dead or institutionalized LOL.

Les: I know talk about dodging a Bullet! Her cunt is Cursed, its Abortion Central No Fetus can survive THE WOMB OF DOOM! What in Your opinion would constitute an “Excessively Small Penis”? I’m wondering it was in a Police Report on this HBO crime Documentary Series, and its been Bouncing around in My Brain ever since.

Spacedog: Excessively to me is under 4-4.5 inches. Kinda the same as what I consider an excessively small person but feet for them.

Les: Ok I was wondering since Micro Penis is more commonly as a Baby Dick. So Excessively Small was a bit vague as far as I was and am Concerned.

Spacedog: My personal definition is the point at where the penis to me no longer feels sexy and begins to make me feel uncomfortable. My body lets me know because I become extremely ticklish LOL. At what point does a tit become big?

              

Les: Somewhere between Hung and Monster Cock???

Spacedog: I said TIT. Your definitely thinking bout cock more than me tonight LOL.

Les: My Bad I’ll ask My Wife…..

Spacedog: I mean like would 30dd be a big tit regardless of who it was on? Like a midget? an 8 year old? I mean I just would say they had unfortunate tits.

Les: My Wife said once a titty reaches the size of a 9 month old Baby’s Head it’s Big, and apparently from there the Titty Size equates to how much they hurt the Woman’s Back.

              

(* a Minute or Two goes by)

Les:CORRECTION: I relayed the Facts Wrong it’s not a 9 month Old Baby’s head it is in Fact that of a Full Grown Adult. My Bad. Sorry I’m still stuck on the Excessively Small Dick Definition. Does Width Factor in its Excessive Smallness? Example: 3″ prick and the Width/Circumference of a #2 Pencil? AND if So is that the Origin of the Insult of calling someone a Pencil Dick as in “Hey Pencil Dick Move Out of the Way. AND if that does having a 2” dick with the Width/Circumference of a Pencil be where the Insult Pin Dick came from, like “Brittany is a Pin Dick Bug Fucker”???  We have reached a Whole New Level of Dick Jokes or Genital Jokes if You will.

               

Spacedog: I think pencil dick can be a pencil dick regardless of length. I used to joke about my friend fucking me was like shoving some Angel hair pasta up my ass and his dick was 8 inches.

Les: Skinny Dick Syndrome.

Spacedog: I’m doing my first grocery pickup. Ugh. Not that I’m afraid of getting Infected by someone breathing on my car, but I really dred much human interaction. All for some kombucha and epic meat bars LOL!

Les: Grocery Pick Up is Dope, We have done it several times. COVID or No COVID I dread having interactions with Other People so No Change Here Lmfao. Epic Meat Bars? WTF are They and Where can I get some? Seriously if that’s a Thing I’m in.

(*Spacedog Texts Link to EPIC Provisions and Their Bar Variety Pack featuring a 10 Bar Pack featuring Bison, 2 Varieties of Chicken, Venison, 2 Varieties of Beef, Lamb, Turkey, Uncured Bacon, and Wild Boar.)

Spacedog: They had 2 of these at shoprite.

                

Les: What constitutes a Monster Clit? I figure 3 inches because thats the size You could Safely hang Your Keys On. My Wife said around 2″ and I called bullshit. She then pulled the fucking I have One Card and Now its a Monster Clit Standoff. Some shit You just can’t Google. Whoa hot damn they got some serious Variety I like that Wild Boar that’s Wild. BISON! Now I can Eat like a goddamn Cowboy.

Spacedog: I mean isn’t a standard clit at least an Inch? I examined a nice one before but it wasn’t so small I needed a monocle. The most daring I go at shoprite was Venison. so I’m doooooomed I have been avoiding pickup of food for months. So my parents and sister are all like pickup pickup so I finally am tomorrow. In the middle of a Tropical Storm. It’s a bad sign kinda like seeing a gaping hole before you are about to fuck someone. Also how the fuck is it the F storm already? I’ve not been paying attention.

               

Les: Tropical Storm in NJ that’s fucked up all I’m saying is when I lived there We never had a anything close to a Tropical Storm. I though that shit was reserved for fucking Florida and all that shit. We sat through God fucking knows how many Hurricanes living in the Glorified Swamp called Florida. Grades 1 through 3 aren’t so Bad really, but the time We had a Category 4 that shit was fucking Unnerving as hell. It was one of the very few times in My Life I thought I just might Die.

Spacedog: Anyway Jersey now has a “covid controversy”. My mom’s friend’s grandkids baby momma went to Florida and the one chick said she was infected going to work, but the other lady said its not true. I hope the first lady is wrong I like the second lady I’d rather pot brownie Kathy not die LOL

Les; People are such self absorbed assholes. If You went to fucking Florida which is currently a COVID Plagued Swamp in the First Place You’re a fucking Idiot. If You even think that You might be Infected STAY THE FUCK HOME. Period. LONG LIVE POT BROWNIE KATHY! I though NJ was making Everyone Quarantine for 14 Days before being allowed to enter the State. Not sure why the fuck anyone would want to go to NJ for anything is beyond Me. I have a Relative that needs to head back to NJ to check in on a Bunch of Projects and other various bullshit, and While They understand the NJ Quarantine They still Don’t like it. It adds 2 weeks where You can’t do Dick but sit around Your fucking House so it Royally fucks up Their Timeline.

              

Spacedog: This is some self entitled bitch who the minute her kid popped out of her pussy was all like btw I never loved you to the husband I just wanted a kid. Yeah that kind of blows. I hope my old aunt and uncle in Myrtle Beach are okay. Fuck my cousins they are a bunch of trumpers, I’m sure their guns and booze will protect them. At least in NJ she won’t have to be thinking about 2 out of every 10 people she sees have COVID.

Les: What a Cunt and a Perfect Reason NOT to have a fucking Kid. That Kid is gonna have some serious fucking issues with a WHore of a Mom like that. If Your Cousin’s Guns and Booze Don’t Work They can Drink Bleach, Inject Lysol, Shove UV Lights up Their Asses, or They can go the Asshole Evangelical Route and Claim They are Protected from COVID because They are Bathed in the Blood of Christ. Well if COVIDIOTS like Her keeping getting into NJ regardless of the Quarantine Protocol She very well might have to deal with a 2 in 10 Infection Ratio Sooner or Later. Thrupers and Other COVIDIOTS Here are Changing Their Tune BIG TIME, We went from “Fuck Masks” to 95% or Higher Now Wearing Masks. Why You Ask? Its because You can’t Deny or Down Play COVID once the Infection Rate Grows to the Point People and Their Friends, Family, and Co-Workers are Contracting COVID. Ignorance is Bliss Until It’s Obliterated by the Facts/Truth.

           

Spacedog: Yeah once it gets like NY/NJ which it is now most people tend to freak the fuck out especially when they are dead. Why waste a Prayer on the Born Again Bullshitters when you can call bishop chip (Link Enclosed: lutheranorthodoxchurch.org) that would be my cousin. He’s also the one with the corpse bride and the kid with fetal alcohol syndrome. Ok I should stp now LOL. Eh the 4th wife was a keeper. Trump is up to a 67% disapproval rating and not looking good for anything other then him screaming rigged 456.348 billion times between now and January. The .348 is factoring in his mini-strokes.

Les: Goddamn Dead People always Freaking the hell Out the fucking Drama Queen Corpses that They are. Toddler Trumpy is going to Rage Shit His Shorts, 67% disapproval Honestly I thought it be Higher since Trumpy is suck a Fucking Fuck Up Motherfucker. .348 Mini Strokes, That would be Epically Awesome and I hope it would be while He’s on Camera the Obeses Orange Asshole LMFAO!!!

SpaceDog: They actually had 5 minutes trump slurring his words like he’s having a stroke montage on MSNBC early morning. I’m pretty sure they do shit like that purposely to fuck with him cuz they know he’s watching. I wanna start a q-anon rumor that the real purpose of the Lincoln Project is not just to defeat trump, but that they are cloning Lincoln to be a Democrat.

              

Les: That’s fucking Awesome montage and must have been fucking Hilarious. Ah Trumpy You Feeble Minded Mush Mouthed Old Man with the World’s Shittiest Spray Tan. If MSNBC is going all Lincoln Project on Trumpy’s Fragile Ego I would have more Respect for Them thats for Sure.

Spacedog: Oh no it was replayed from the daily show now that I think about it.

Les: YES! I have thought about fucking with the Miniscule Minds of the MAGAssholes Q-Anon Conspiracy cocksuckers too! It must be a fucking sign that We must fuck with Trumpy Supporting Idiotic Assholes.

Spacedog: But yeah every morning Joe Scarborough usually goes to a single camera shot saying “Well Donald…” So trump literally the First Person ever with Dementia where the TV really is Talking to Him.

               

Les: That’s cool I’m a Fan of The Daily Show. HOLY FUCKING SHIT Trumpy’s Dementia and His TV Obsession Collide!!! I can’t stop Laughing! GODDAMN LMFAO!

Spacedog: So I just noticed something about that page of my cousin I sent you. He must be loaded I noticed that he is CEO pf the “Lutheran Orthodox” Church. My cousin invented a church. I may not believe a word he says but that was Genius.

Les: That shows how fucked up things are Today that fucking Church’s have fucking CEOs. Thats basically Admitting Churches are Businesses just like any Other Corrupt Corporation.

           

That’s All For Now Anyways.

Thanks For Reading,

By    Les Sober & Spacedog