Creative Writing – Page 10

The blog that almost never happened

I have been an albatross. I have stopped doing the routines which make me sane on a daily basis. And in the process turned into a megabitch.

But hmmmmm maybe I was like that to begin with. It really doesn’t matter.
At the beginning of this year I set about with one far fetched rather self amusing goal. Which was for every year of my 30s (from 31 on), I was going to act the inverse age of what I actually was.

I did a pretty good job at it. For the last several months I have been literally addicted to playing online games. To the point it cut me off completely from the outside world. For a period of about one month, I did not listen to music more then several songs (down from about 100 or so songs per day roughly), did not go to the gym (down from 5-6 days per week), nor did I really leave the house for a whole hell of a lot of anything.

It has been about 3 days since the major part of this gaming addiction has been over. My gameadorkathon continues though because I have the chance to win another $350-$400, so I have been waiting and every two hours I am home I run off to check the Website and click to see if I won or lost the tournament I am in to see if this finally all can end.

It would be really nice to come out on top and really would be quite a thrill. Hopefully it doesn’t occur when I am drunk for my birthday that would really suck horribly. I want the whole ordeal to just end.

I finally made it to the gym again today and I have so far to go but this is primarily my doing. It is strange I have been through so many different addictions…..I wish I could figure out how to get addicted to sex I think that’s literally the final frontier but I’m sure if I met the right person who had enough booze and random cock floating by my face I could manage that one as well.

This is depressing. lmao. But ehhhhh this is where I have been literally. Cabo or Madrid or Tahiti would have made for a much more interesting tale but life is not interesting and well I apologize for my 13 year oldedness.

By SpaceDog

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (13/365)

Lee placed the keys back into His pocket, and went to Open the Door to see if and how He could help this Odd Little Old Lady who was lurking just outside the Door. As soon a Lee had Opened the Door the Little Old Lady with 6 or 7 of Her Friends in tow riffled past Lee in a Single File line like Their fucking lives depended on it. Once They had barraged in gaining access to the Porn Shop the spread out in all directions like CockRoaches when the Lights come on. Before Lee even knew what was happening a Second Set of Old Women came raging through the Door looking like some sort of Demented Calvary in Homemade Shawls.

“LETS GO, LETS GO LADIES, LETS GO!” barked the Little Old Lady who first ran in. She apparently for all intensive purposes looked to be the Leader of this maundering Street Gang of Geriatrics. Next this Little Old Woman started a raucous chant of “PERSECUTE PORN PEDDLERS AND PERVERTS!!!”

It was then that Lee took notice that the Majority of the Old Ladies were wearing matching Easter Yellow T-Shirts that had a Large Cross on it with the words “Grandmas For God”. Holy Shit Lee thought excitedly I know exactly what the hell is going on now this is the Hardcore Christian Group Grandparents of God (and Yes the Little Old Men wore Grandpas For God T-shirts) who had been making waves in the News recently.

The Grandparents For God had been targeting Strip Clubs in They’re Smite The Strippers Campaign. Before that the Group landed in the Lime Light for Aggressively Protesting the last lingering Pornographic Magazines, and Their Publishers with Their Keep Porn Out of Print Program. Lee simply couldn’t wait to see what the fuck these Fanatical Old School Fire and Brim Stone Christian Coalition was up too.

“Alright YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, LETS PURGE THIS PLACE OF PORNOGRAPHY AND ITS PERVERSIONS!!!” Yelled The Little Old Lady Leading the Onslaught while raising Her clenched Fist high in the air as if it was the Summer of 1969. These were some Militant Missionaries who’d stop at nothing to Accomplish what They viewed as God’s work, and apparently God want Them to Persecute the Social Evil’s of Pornography in all its forms of Fornication.

Upon hearing the Battle Cry to Action the Horde of Nursing Home Soldiers of God erupted into an Apocalyptic Super Storm of Self Righteousness. The Old People Protesting started grabbing Merchandise from everywhere in the Store while one Old Lady who looked to be in Her late 90’s held the Door open with her Unsteady liver spotted Hands. Lee suddenly returned to reality, and realized He had to do something about this Religious Riot that was Unraveling before His eyes.

“Alright LADIES, LADIES What is going on Here? What is the Problem here? Please STOP acting so insane and just TELL ME what Your ISSUE IS.” Lee pleaded mustering all the Humility He possibly could.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Crazy Installment of

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (14/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (11/365)

Shane then scrawled His signature on the Credit Card Receipt, Said thanks for the Cool Question, Turned just in time to see Glen stick His head in the Door and Peer around disapprovingly, and double timed to towards the Door.

Lee had almost all the information He wanted, but He had to try and get Shane to Answer one lats Question before departing. “Why did Lester Lie to the Town Council telling Them that You Guys were making a Low Budget Horror Movie?”

“I thought a smart Fan like Yourself would have already figured that out.” Shane answer honestly surprised by the Question. Shane looked down at His feet for a minute before providing Lee with His answer. “It was because if You think the fucking Shop Onner’s were fucking pissed about it Imagine if Lester HAD told them the Truth about shooting a Indie Horror Flick? They would have Denied the Permits like a motherfucker, and We still would have Filmed the Scene, but We also would have been subject to the Legal Repercussions. The way Lester did it We had the Proper Permits to Film even though Lester Lied about What kind of Movie We were making it wasn’t technically illegal. It was just a dick Move Ya know.”

With that Shane exited and started His return to Work. Lee sat for a few minutes mulling over the conversation he had just had, and found it quite satisfying. Lee spent the next few hours surfing the Internet Googling the fuck out of whatever entered His Mind at that moment.

Lee spent the majority of His time wandering around the Internet reading up on the History of Cannibalism in Fiji. The most interesting documentation Lee came across was the Testimonials of various Christian Missionaries who had traveled to Fiji in the Hope of Converting the Natives. Now yes some where in fact Killed and Eaten over the Year of Active Cannibalism in Fiji.

Now Life in Historical Fiji was Brutal even for Those Missionaries that were luck enough to not be Murder and subsequently Consumed by the Native Tribes of Fiji was no fucking Picnic that was for sure. The Natives had a habit of Harassing the Hell out of the Missionaries. They frequently tossed Severed Heads or Limbs or Freshly Stripped Human Bones over the Walls on the Monitories littering the lawn with Their Human Leftovers.

Even more Outrageous were the Written Accounts of The Missionaries about the Rival Native Tribes returning from Battle with Prisoners in tow. The Natives were exuberant not just drunk on the Victory in Battle, But that They also got to EAT THE PRISONERS.

Lee thought this was a wonderful example of Perspective. To the Outside World (for the most part there were other Countries that indulged in the Ritual of Cannibalism) Cannibalism was one of the Greatest Taboos, Yet for the Cultures that Practiced Cannibalism (or Necro Cannibalsim or the Eating of the Dead) it was Perfectly Acceptable, and really not that a big of a deal that They ate People, its just what the did. It’s what They were taught growing up. Teaching the Next Generation the Practice of Cannibalism was just like Scumbag Racist indoctrinating They’re Young with Their Hate.

Stay Tuned for Kids Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (12/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (10/365)

“So what exactly was it about working on THE DISEMBOWELER that made it such a Unique experience?” asked Lee casually again making sure to trend lightly to avoid stepping on Shane’s toe’s as it were and Derailing the Conversation.

“In a word Excitement. Everyday of Filming the Atmosphere was Holy SHit I can’t wait to see what happens next Type Vibe, and that was all due to Lester’s exceptionally Unconventional way of making a Movie.” Shane said trailing off a bit towards the End as if He was Traveling Back in Time through His Memories. Shane paused to pay Lee before picking up where He left Off.

“While it the first Film I worked on I showed up on Set for the first day Filming in absolute Awe of it all. There I was a 21 year old Punk Kid who just Graduated Film School 2 months before landing the DISEMBOWELER gig. I couldn’t believe My luck this was a REAL Movie, a Feature Length, Professionally Shot Movie with a Cast and Crew You know all the shit the Tell You about when Your in Film School. And now it was materializing around Me and I could barely believe it like I said I was truly Awe Struck.” Shane said with what seemed to be growing enthusiasm,”What made it Exciting was learning Trick of the Trade You know the shit They Don’t tTeach in Film Schools. It was My very first experience with the Gorilla Style of Movie Making.

Lee’s curiosity was buzzing like a Industrial Bug Zapper. Lee loved hearing People’s Stories especially Life Stories as They always seemed much more interesting than anything else in Lee’s opinion. Lee dared not interrupt Shane’s flow with some useless comment like “Really” or “Wow thats Crazy” so Lee stood transfixed looking at Shane intently.

Shane placed both His hands on the glass counter top, stretched, and let out a prolonged sigh before Finishing His story. Lee was concerned for a second that Shane had grown tired of talking, and well He did need to get Back to the Set before much longer.

“My most vivid and favorite Memory from working on THE DISEMBOWELER was on the very last day of Shooting, and We had acquired the Permits needed to Film on the Main street of this Little Bumkin Town. Now Lester had told the Town Council that He was requesting the Permit so He could Film a Documentary on Local Artists or some bullshit like that. Well of course on the Last Day of Filming the Last science We needed to Shoot was the Legendary Rampage Scene. I’m sure a Fan like You is well aware that the Scene was where The Disembowler is running down the Street in a Homicidal Blood Fueled Psychosis. The Scene required 7 Victims to be dispatched by being Disemboweled during the Rampaging Massacre. Needless to say the Local Shop Owners took GREAT Acceptation to having a small group of Out of Town Movie Weirdo’s running amok Filming multiple Gory Blood Drenched Fake Deaths while using Actual Real Pig Intestines (as well as several Organs such a Liver and Kidneys which were purchased from Town Butcher.” said Shane before taking a moment to check His watch to see what time it was before wrapping the Story Up.

“So We are about half way through Filming the Scene When The PA alerts us to the sound of approaching Police Sirens. No One knew what the fuck to do other than to just say fuck it and keep Shooting no matter what. As the Cops get closer and closer the Crew started to loose Their focus being distracted by the Police Sirens, and possible repercussions for Lying to get The Permit for Filming. Lester grabs this Old Beat the hell up Bullhorn circa the 1970’s and just goes Apeshit Crazy. He starts screaming at The Camera man that He better not stop shooting before We were done filming the Scene, Hollering at the Actor’s to stay in fucking Character, and yelling at PA to get the everything ready because We’d be leaving in a hell of a hurry. We managed to finish Filming the Scene, and We all split up running every which way towards whatever Vehicle We were closest to while trying not to Drop equipment or break a fucking Ankle in the process. It was complete chaos, BUT luckily We sped back to the shitty Motel where We were all staying during the Filming, grabbed Our shit as fact as possible, and franticly got the fuck out of Dodge before The Towns Folk brought the Hammer Down.”

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (11/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

It’s already gone

You
I felt you
Your presence calculated in my broken horizon
I wished you
Would vanish you distress the only one

As altruism slowly dies
This lock of hair lends its cries

Nefarious, the way you strike me in the face with it
Where death prays to be my solace
Time choking slowly on its way down
To asphyxiate my mind
Just let it all die
Let it all die

You hear the weak lyrics
Come out of her cheeks
Her mouth taped
Only bleeds
Cherish
Never wanting to know

She keeps her self crossed
Like a lady like her curtsy
Broken, not torn
Shattered maybe reborn
The best she can hope for is scorn

Lacking what time has to send
Living with no fear of end
The taste is what ends her prison
Yet it is already gone
The end can never be born

By SpaceDog

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (7/365)

“Alright Lester told Me He’d text Me the exact specifics, but He wants us to Buy the Best medium range Dildo for now. Then on Our way back Lester wants Us to stop off at a Hardware Store and pick up some sort of Weather Proofing Spray. You know the kind Business Types use to Water Proof Their expensive Italian Leather Shoes and Shit.” reported Shane very matter of factly.

“Furthermore Lester said as for post Severing Scene Lester’s going to use a small Metal Bar to reconnect the 2 broken pieces. Next He’ll Super Glue the Broken pieces back together around the interior Metal Bar Support The all thats left is to Slap a Cock Ring over the repair, and then will be reusable in Lester’s next Outlandish Film.” Shane continued as Glen stared at Him Blank Faced and Motionless. Once Shane was finished relaying Lester’s instructions turned and walked out without saying another word.

Shane stood looking reminiscent of a Meerkat searching the Grass Lands for possible Predators as He watched in dismay as a Frustrated and Furious Glen marched to the Door, and threw it Open forcefully just in case Someone wasn’t aware that He was being an Angry Asshole. Shane then leaned over and grabbed one of the Dildos off the Rack, Glanced at it, and then Shrugged to Himself.

Lee’s observations so far were Shane was Voice of Reason or The Sensible Ying to Glen’s Emotionally Driven Combative Yang. It was Shane’s unofficial job to stay Grounded and Rational when Glen flew off the hook in a Wild Whirlwind of Extreme Emotions. This dynamic Lee found was more than common amongst the Members of Society.

Lee had decided that Opposites Do AND More Over MUST attract. One Person is The Calm to the significant Other’s Chaos which works as They 2 Personality Types nullify one another. When You put 2 identical Personalities together in one relationship it NEVER works, and is usually just one long clusterfuck from Beginning to End. People are just like fucking Magnets in Opposite Poles Connect to one another while if You try to connect 2 Magnets using Their SAME Poles They repell each other (The desired Connection is for all intensive purposes is Impossible.)

Shane approached the Check Out counter still trying to figure out if the particulate Dildo He was about to purchase for His Boss to use as in the (Castration & Masturbation with a Cheese Grater None The Less) Scenes His Gory Splatter Movie was indeed the “Right” One for the Job.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (8/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Swan Song

I’ve been sitting here for several hours now contemplating. What is it that you wish for the last blog of this decade to be???? And I thought to myself wow another decade gone by… I know I’ve been around for 5 as of midnight tomorrow, which makes me feel super old but I can’t help that I was born at the end of one decade and will into the infancy of the next.

But still…. really this really only feels like the 3rd decade, because well I sure don’t remember where I was for New Years in 1989, well my house I’m sure since at the age of 11 I was over protected by my parents like the pope in his golf cart bubble looking thing. Popemobile!!!! I’ve always wanted one of those.

Even in 2009, I really have absolutely no clue where I was for new years. I was old enough that I should remember as it was not all that long ago but I have no clue. I’m just sure that I screamed much louder, well at least until there came another year where I just happened to be that much drunken. Not that much more rowdy, I do rowdy with the best of them whether in an altered state of mind or not. That is not a particularly hard one for me to conjure.

And this year 2019 unless hell freezes over, I will be in the Big Apple, wet and soaked with way, way too many other people. I guess this is a good way of getting over my fear of crowds, I mean my central theme going on this year was do things you are afraid of and conquer them.

I mean so far there has been travelling dark Texas Chainsaw Massacre roads at night, driving 100 on the highway, going away with myself for a week (and being comfortable with it), and exercising my right to say fuck off to whoever needs to be told that. I am not afraid to let someone know that they are not right and this new and improved bluntness deluxe get me into more trouble then bluntness original but all things need to be upgraded. Even those that cause drama.

So anyway here is my swan song blog for the year and possibly for my sanity. I have a final 3 list as to where the hell I am going from here and am hoping to expand my readership beyond the 3.5 of you out there. But I love you guys, even the 0.5 dude. Big things do come in small packages!!!! Thank you!!!!!!

London was born in the kingdom of Ranchero, not so far away from the Wasteland of Frito, and the loins of his mother Queen May Belle Jo. He lived a truly charmer life from his first crib plated with gold to the baseball bat he used which had diamonds encrusted in the handles. The nouveau riche were told this would help also enhance their climbing fortunes but London liked things that sparkle. His mother obliged.

By SpaceDog

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (6/365)

“Fine.Fine. I’m done there’s no dealing with You right now. I’m calling Lester and I’ll figure this out from the directly from the Director Himself.” said Shane indignantly before whipping out His Cell Phone with the speed of a Wild West Gunslinger.

Shane then left to Converse in Private in the Parking Lot. Glen now on His own loitered about wondering the Isle aimlessly talking shit under His Breath. It was blatantly obvious that Glen was Acting the Asshole Lee thought to Himself . Again it wasn’t hard to tell Glen was in the Shittiest of Moods it was Written all Over His Face in the form an seriously Sinister “Eat Shit” Scowl.

“Who the Hell buys all this Over Priced Perversion?!” inquired Glen in an Overly Demanding Tone to No One in particular as it seemed to be more of an actual Statement rather than an Honest Question.

“Everyone.” Lee quipped snidely as He was growing tired of Glen’s less than Stellar Asshole Attitude. Glen is Lee’s opinion was overthinking the living shit out of the Situation. Shane had the right fucking idea that when in Doubt (especially if Your job could possibly be on the Line) Suck It Up, say fuck it, and Go to the Source Itself.

“I don’t need Your two goddamn Cents worth You Cock Jockey.” Snarled Glen through His clenched Teeth looking Madder than ever.

Lee considered that comment was rather Homophobic Sounding, BUT He did get the reference to Him being a Porn Shop Employee. Lee also got a Laugh out of the Fact the Insult had a direct Correlation with Glen and Shane’s Purchase of a Dildo. At this point Lee opted begrudgingly to bite His tongue because there was no point arguing with an Asshole. Glen was Shane’s fucking problem let Him deal with the all of Glen’s pessimistic bullshittery.

Luckily for Lee it was then that Shane returned from His Parking Lot Conversation with Lester with His head hanging Low. Shane also seemed to now be in a real Rush it appeared to Lee since Shane was walking hurriedly in a very determined stride. He looked like a dejected Child to Lee like a mischievous Kid who just got Scolded for some Small Indiscretion.

” So I talked with Lester, well I talked while He was Yelling at Me like a motherfucker and a half.” lamented Shane before informing Glen that in spite of the in suing Creative Chaos that was the making of a Lester Sane Movie He had managed to get an Answer.

“Thank fuck.” sighed Glen wearily,”What pray tell then is the Solution for Our Severed Schlong dilemma ?” Now that The Duo had a definitive answer this somehow stopped Glen’s Asshole Tirade in its tracks. Glen’s Hostile Attitude was suddenly replaced with an Exasperated Sarcasm as if He had run out of Shit Spewing Steam, and was finally Accepting the Situation.

Tune In Tomorrow for the Next Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (7/365)

Thank for Reading,

By Les Sober

Happiness is a Warm Gun

I see the colors changing.

I’m finally realizing that life is like a giant kaleidoscope with its plethora of color and its fading blur to brilliant clarity. In amongst all of the chaos is everyone we know, everyone we have known. For a reason or for a season the experiences wilth these particular people influence us a great deal.

I have finally removed the negative aspects from my life. Most of the time my brutal honesty gets me in trouble. I feel I have nothing to hide even though this tends to scare the vast majority of people off.

Of course I will not share many of my dreams with a whole lot of people because friends, strangers, and most of humanity will try to bring us down. They will tell us that our goals are unattainable, that we will inevitably fail. The people that tell we will succeed, we keep closer or we regard as friend or at the very least we regard them in a positive light.

You see, I firmly believe the reason people put us down is not simply to put us down. It is their morose attitude towards our dreams because their dreams have failed them for whatever reason. They feel too old and too tired to move on and their dreams become stagnant.

Yesterday, I was fascinated by something I heard by two different individuals. Both were in their 40s and one of them is definitely not lacking in personality. Yet the boredom confused me a great deal. Sure, I have been bored at various times in my life but mostly because I hated the whole world. I let the malaise, the hatred, the general feeling of frustration, you know name it and if it was negative I somehow let it effect me. Boredom never though. I have too much to discover and explore and do. I will not give up like the rest of them. I will not be the drone the world expects and the world expects so many drones. They want us all to be drones.

The paradigms are shifting. The world is turning upside down. I can feel the light from certain people and it envelopes me. It effects me so much just like the negative. I sometimes feel it through every bone in my body. And then I smile.

I had forgotten what a smile was.

But back to the kaleidoscope. I have been through enough frustration to throw the whole kaleidoscope down to the ground. I tried to break it but it would not break. I always felt the light, the presence of something else inside of me. A shred of love, a shred of color. No matter the situation, we all still have the color inside of us, the love inside.

And that is all for now. Hope everyone has a Splendid Day, and may your hearts not be heavy and your cup somewhat full (at the very least).

By SpaceDog

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (2/365)

Lee spent the early Day downtime pondering why Anyone still Patronized Porn Shops. Lee like the name Porn Shop as it seemed more Honest than the watered down Adult Store/ Adult Book Store. Why would Anyone bother going to a Porn Shop with the Infinite Universe of Free Internet Porn that could be viewed in (the Protection and Privacy of) One’s Own Home.

It was very similar to when VHS Tapes became available to the General Public it was inadvertently the Final Nail in the Porno Movie Theaters. The principle reasoning is fucking Identical in Why go out and risk embarrassment/Arrest when You could now watch all the Porn you wanted at Home for the First Time thus negating the need or use of Porno Movie Theaters.

Lee surmised that the Principle Reason People still Frequented Porn Shops was simply Instant Gratification. If One wanted say a Certain Sex Toy (outside of the Free Porn Movie Clips/Movies/Scenes) One has to wait for it to be Delivered. Even with 2 day, Priority, and Overnight shipping People want what the want as fast as fucking possible optimally without waiting.

Lee also had come to the conclusion that the Evolution of the Porn Shop over just short of 5 Decades had a great deal with People still Utilizing Porn Shops, and Porn Shops Widening Their Customer Base. The Old Days of the Dingy, Dank, Poorly Lit Porn Shops with Their Sticky Floors and Shady Clientele had gone the way of the Dodo. Porn Shops used to be on the outer fringe of Society operating in a sketchy “Legal Grey Area” since Technically in the 1970’s Porn was basically Illegal. Customers of Porn Shops or Adult Porno Movie Theaters ran the risk of Being Arrested in a Police Raid.

Then over the Years Porn slowly became more accepted by Society as a whole. So it was this Social Shift that allowed Porn Shops to essentially come out into the Open and Operate like any other legitimate Business. And with being allowed to Operate without Legal issues/trouble Porn Shops literally cleaned up Their act.

Porn Shop became bright and well lit with Loud and Colorful Advertising Posters on the White Sterile Walls. Suddenly Porn Shops went from Sleazy STD Ridden Barely Legal Shitholes to Viable Commercial Retail Shops that resembled Walmart more than a Scummy Den of Vice.

Stay Tuned for Tomorrows Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watch (3/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober