Tag: Creative Writing

I Will Never Forget How To Stand On My Head By Spacedog

I tenderly caressed the back of his head. My arm was still bleeding though so I had to stop.

Another vein gone.

Another dream lost.

I told him I loved him and he replied with the same in turn. It was cold and vacant, a blizzard of deceipt, a blizzard of discontent. We were chained together by our frivolity, linked together but nothing else.

He was the prize I had won at the carnival of malaise, a trinket I picked up at a child’s lemonade stand. Oh but how the lemonade grew bitter in taste and pungent in stench. Still I showed off my trinket like rappers show off their bling and socialites show off their fine china. I knew I was buying damaged goods from the beginning yet this did not matter. This trinket, he was a challenge
and I for one have great difficulty in backing down from those, no matter the price my soul might pay.

After time though, my senses slowly returned to me. The darkness seeped out of my pores and I had no more need for my fallen angel. The ideals of brute intimidation, frigid love, and penetrating midgets no longer matched that of my own. So the tie was severed. The bond was broken. I moved on.

I had lost my way but I still knew how to stand on my head and flip my life around and be done.

I will never forget how to stand on my head. I have countless times.

Why?

Sometimes there is never an answer for why we do what we do. People ask us and we try to discern what is best in our heads at the time. I was asked by many a friend, why him, why that man. It fulfulled the need of accomplishment in me at the time.

Instant gratification. I wanted it to be the deepest depths of the ocean, when in my head I knew it was the kiddie pool.

These are all just guesses to me now. I do not know the person I was back then. He is different then the one I am today. I am just speculating. The aspects of my persona change daily. I am still the same deep at my core. But the person who wakes up out of bed with me each and every morning, he is different. The surface does not always match the depths.

So why do we swim in the kiddie pool when we all want the ocean? Why?

Your Health Insurance is Financially Raping You To Death

The Fairytale History of Health Insurance:

Health Insurance would provide a service where the client sends in Monthly checks for your entire life. When the client needs, Hospitalization, Surgery, ER Emergency, Illness, Doctor Visits, Specialists, Medications etc. the insurance company uses the clients money to cover any medical issue. Of course the Health Insurance Companies would charge a reasonable fee for their services since they deal directly with your doctors and medical institutions.

What The Hell Happened?

Health Insurance Companies realized the more money the refused to pay the richer they became, and they sold their souls to the Deity of the Dollar.    The Health Insurance Companies started restricting its coverage, constantly increasing rates, and finding ways TO NOT PAY YOUR CLAIM.

Health Insurance Companies employ a whole fucking department of people who’s only job is to review client claims and FIND ANY REASON/LOOPHOLES so your Healthcare Provider WON’T HAVE TO PAY YOUR CLAIM, essentially doing the opposite of its intended purpose.

Seriously the Health Insurance’s business model wouldn’t work for any other business because people wouldn’t use it and it’d go bankrupt. What other industry or company or product maker raises their prices periodically all year, every year WHILE REDUCING THE SERVICES.

Would you tolerate your local grocery store say constantly increasing the price of Milk for instance and at the same time giving you less milk for your money. If your grocer continued raising the price of a gallon of Milk from today’s current price of $2.25 up to$3.75 ,and then a month later to $6.00 and then $7.99 next month and so on all year long. BUT not only is your grocer raising the price but SIMULTANEOUSLY your grocer would be giving less Milk for the Money. See as the price goes up you’d get less Milk at first it be just a little under a gallon then 2/3 of a gallon, and then only half a gallon at newly inflated GALLON Milk prices.

Then there’s The Deductible which is one of the greatest and greediest scams in Health Insurance History. The deductible works as follows. You pay a set amount of money out of your own pocket for your medical care WHILE SENDING A CHECK EVERY MONTH TO YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE PROVIDER. Can you say “Legal Double Billing”?! That be the equivalent of taking your car to your mechanic and he makes you fix the car yourself (using your labor and cash for needed parts) and then giving you a bill for the repair. ITS FUCKING INSANE THAT PEOPLE PUT UP WITH THIS CORRUPT CAPITALISTIC GREED LIKE THIS EVERY DAY.

I will once again use a Bullet Point format for the rest.

  1. My Aunt Ellington needed a hip replacement, and put it off for years in spite of the fact they she had what is considered a good health care provider. She asked me politely not to name the Health Insurance Company and out of respect for her I won’t. She knew the out of pocket would be a significant amount of money. She finally had the surgery and it cost a total of $117,000. Her insurance company paid only $17,000 leaving her with a $100,000 in medical bills, AND THEY STILL WANTED THEIR MONTHY PAYMENTS.
  2. I had a best friend in high school named Brooklyn Billy Bob who I still talk to sporadicly to this day. Right before I met Brooklyn Billy Bob his family had just moved in with his grandmother not by choice but necessity. The family didn’t have a lot of money to speak of. During the long moving process Brooklyn Billy Bob’s dad, who had a serious health issue pertaining to his heart, couldn’t afford his heart medication. As a result Brooklyn Billy Bob’s dad DIED because he couldn’t pay for his LIFE SAVING MEDICATION.
  3. Pharmaceutical companies who work hand in hand with your Health Insurance Company DO NOT CREATE CURES, THEY CREATE CLIENTS. Think for a second on how the Pharmaceutical companies are COMMERCIALIZING YOUR HEALTH FOR PROFIT.
  4. Lets not forget the American Government whose politicians make MILLIONS on Health Insurance and Pharmaceutical companies Lobbyists HAVE INSTATED A $2,500 YEARLY FINE if you DON’T have (lets be honest its if you don’t pay for) Health Insurance.
  5. When I went to rehab for a vicious heroin addiction which SAVED MY LIFE my Doctor had to call/talk to my Health Insurance Provider DAILY because they wanted to booted out asap so they wouldn’t have to pay any more claims. My Doctor had to LIE TO HELP SAVE MY LIFE. Each day my doctor got on the phone with my Health Insurance Provider and had to lie so I didn’t get kicked out because my Health Insurance Provider didn’t want to pay to cover my again LIFE SAVING treatment. My Doctor was smart he knew I COULDN’T be removed from Rehab IF i was either SUICIDAL or HOMICIDAL (the rule is simply you can’t be taken out of treatment for Insurance reasons if your a threat to yourself or others). My Doctor did this dance for 17 days and I did end up getting released early because of the bullshit with my Health Insurance Provider (who ultimately got what they wanted which was ending treatment asap)
  6. EVEN WORSE my Wife is an RN who works in the Drug Addiction field and the Insurance vs. Rehab War continues. Since the dawn of Drug Rehab Health Insurance companies have been trying with all their financial might to DENY ALL ADDICTS LOOKING FOR HELP. The Insurance Companies HATE REHAB because unfortunately addicts relapse and may need more help to stay clean and healthy. Insurance claims this “Revolving Door” of the Rehab field justifies NOT PAYING ANYONES REHAB CLAIMS EVER AGAIN. The war has raged for decades, BUT finally the Insurance Companies have started to win. They have rearranged protocols in their favor. Example there is a treatment evaluation used when a patient is admitted to a rehab that gauges their current physical health from 1-10 with 10 being the worst. The Insurance companies have announced that if a patient comes in to be admitted if their symptoms are 1-5 THEY AREN’T PAYING because in their opinion aren’t in actual need of medical help. They are also making medical institutions write EVER THING in a patients medical chart 3 requiring the ENTIRE treatment teams signatures. This is a way to encourage little mistakes by the staff that the Insurance Companies can then use to DENY THE PATIENT CARE. This will create a massive social problem. If drug addicts can’t get help the keep using, and if they keep using they keep lying, cheating, stealing, robbing and scaring to feed their habit before it ends their life prematurely. Its bad enough our prisons are over crowed due to drug offenses (such as possession) that has created a over crowding situation. This over crowding allows NEW OR REPEAT VIOLENT OFFENDERS being brought into the prison system to be released extremely early because there is no place to put them. The fact is drug addicts should be sentenced to Rehab NOT PRISON, Addiction is called a disease BUT its actually a treatable Metal Disorder.
  7. One thing a that baffles me in the Health Insurance field is they DON’T PROVIDE FERTILITY COVERAGE FOR WOMAN OR MEN. The Insurance Companies will chip in once a woman is pregnant. WHATS WEIRD is Health Insurance Companies are GREEDY AS FUCK so why wouldn’t they cover fertility?! MY POINT if a couple has a kid then the kids going to need Health Insurance and thus get added to their parents policy and then at 18 they have to pay for their own policy. So kids equal customers and customers equal cash.
  8. When I had Hepatitis C which if untreated will end your life painfully and prematurely I saw a Specialist who was a fucking godsend, a miracle in the form of a man. There at the time I was seeking treatment a slew of new and more effective Hep-C drugs hitting the market. It was because the FDA was pumping cash into the Hep-C drugs after they announced the #1 health problem facing America was Liver Transplants. My Doctor researched EVERY drug and decided one a 2 medication combo that had virtually NO SIDE EFFECTS (up till VERY recently the only treatment for Hep-C was Interferon injections which have the identical side effects as Chemotherapy causing a whopping 91% of prior patients to end treatment before completing the course of Interferon ) AND IT COULD CURE HEP-C as opposed to possibly wrestling it into submission like Cancer. Well no surprise my Health Insurance Provider wasn’t at all happy about my treatment plan. My Specialist called my Health Insurance Provider and managed to get them to clear his treatment plan for me by USING THEIR GREED AGAINST THEM. His argument simply was this by biting the bullet and paying for my treatment NOW then I’d live a full lifetime which meant my Health Insurance Provider would continue to get monthly checks much longer. Bottomline Dead People DON’T FUCKING PAY FOR HEALTH INSURANCE HEALTHY PEOPLE DO.
  9. JUST YESTERDAY I went to my local pharmacy to pick up my medication and was told the price was $131.00 when I was paying $10 with my HUMANA Insurance plan. The Pharmacist told me my  HUMANA insurance card expired so I thought it was no big deal I’d just have to order a new one. I called  HUMANA my Insurance Provider as soon as I got home, and the representative informed me my Health Insurance had been CANCELLEd AS OF JANUARY 31ST.. I’ve been with that Insurance company 14-15 years and NEVER missed a single payment. So as you can image I was in a state of shock, awe and serious confusion. I asked the representative why and he proceeded to duck my question for an hour before finally coming up with this statement “HUMANA is NO LONGER providing the plan I was insured under in my area.” I asked him what the fuck that meant as thats not a proper answer and to me made no fucking sense at the time. Again he would answer fully and just kept repeating his “NO LONGER IN YOUR AREA” statement so I hung the fuck up. I immediately called back and asked the second representative the question of what the previous statement meant. She had no problem answering me and said with out a pause “HUMANA IN FACT HAD DECIDED TO NOT INSURE ANYONE ANY MORE IN MY ENTIRE STATE.” This means 100’s of thousands or more people LOST THEIR HUMANA/HUMANA ONE HEALTH INSURANCE COVERAGE BY NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN. Bottomline HUMANA/HUMANA ONE decided to stop providing coverage for the ENTIRE STATE because it was a “High Claims State” and what do Health Insurance Companies hate? Yup PAYING YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE CLAIMS.
  10. SHOP AROUND! While Health Insurance is a Scam based on FEAR and GREED you should opt for the lesser of all the evils, and by evils I mean the Health Insurance Companies. I got dropped by HUMANA due to HUMANA’S GROWING NEED FOR GREED, but in the end I got NEW plan with BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD with not only the SAME COVERAGE for LESS MONEY and FULL DENTAL & OPTICAL which I never had with HUMANA/HUMANA ONE.

In Summation the Salvation of Health lies in Social Medicine. I know back in the early days when the American politicians where debating The Affordable Care Act the greedy unethical and immoral GOP launched a propaganda campaign demonizing social medicine. The claims the Republicans made WERE ABSOLUTELY FALSE it was a blatant fear tactic to scare the American public into submission and it worked. Why did it work so well?

Americans believe whatever they hear now a days instead of thinking about them first. A pivotal point in the propaganda was social medicine would increase taxes, BUT IF the American public had stopped and done the math they would easily see the tax would be FAR LESS THEN THE CURRENT PRIVATE HEALTH INSURANCE COVERAGE.

If you remember my Aunt got stuck with $100,000 medical bill AFTER HER HEALTH INSURANCE PAID THEIR PART ($17,000 out of at total cost of $117,000) SO I ask you which costs more a tax increase or a $100,000 medical bill after being fucked over by your Health Insurance Provider?!

Its unAmerican that Capitalism now dictates your health care. You pay or you SUFFER and you pay or you DIE. We have the doctors, facilities, treatments, and medications that could help heal people BUT we will let them SUFFER AND DIE because MONEY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN PEOPLE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Hypocrisy Of MTV And The American Viewer

Many moons ago at this point MTV (or better known back in the day as Music Television because 1,000 years ago they actually played music videos 24-7) aired a American remake of the British hit show “Skins” that followed a group of high school friends daily lives, interactions, relationships and so on.

Now again its fucking funny how here in America we tout our FREEDOM OF SPEECH allowed us by the 1st Amendment, BUT then the government creates the FCC (Federal Communications Commission) who’s sole job is to censor tv, radio, print news and are attempting, and failing so far miserably to say the least, the Internet via Social Media.

The FCC is not the only one to blame for its the American public that likes to think we are culturally evolved, and armed with the 1st Amendment we believe we are a socially open and accepting of art in any form. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.

In the original British version the teens portrayed in the show did engage in Smoking Pot (which in America is legal in 25 states or 1/2 of America) ,and TOTALLY illegal in Briton though their attitude towards Marijuana has always be more liberal and lax then in American historically speaking.

The teenage characters also drank beer/booze freely, BUT remember in Briton the legal drinking age is 18. Not to mention Alcohol is the 1st intoxicant (fact Google it) teens try first. Though in the Pharmaceutical age Pills are replacing alcohol at an alarming rate, but thats another story.

The High School characters (played by high school age kids, not 20-30 somethings pretending to be high school students like Beverly Hills 90210 bullshit, or 21 Jump Street) surprise, surprise have sex. NOW this is not to say or imply gratuitous sex complete with nudity. In fact the scenes were no more offensive than a basic American movie love scene or tamer even. You see the teens start to hook up kissing and shit, and then the camera fadeout or transitions to the next scene. You also at times saw the teen couple lying in bed (completely covered again NO NUDITY) after having sex, BUT you NEVER saw the teens actually having simulated sex with each other.

MTV saw the popularity of the show in Briton and decided since Hollywood has died due to being void of new ideas/creative concepts that they’d just take a British hit show, Americanize it, and enjoy the high ratings. That never even came close to happening. What did happen was the American public went absolutely apeshit and caused a massive public backlash. Americans were horrified by the drinking, appalled at the Pot smoking ,and utterly repulsed even by the idea of FICTIONAL TEEN TV SHOW CHARACTERS hooking up in ANY way what so ever.

There 2 issues I have with the American public on this subject. One being the age old conundrum of sex vs. violence. American’s bitch constantly about violence on tv (and every where else for that matter) BUT when it comes to sex violence becomes acceptable. George R.R. Martin once said in an interview about his hit HBO series “Game of Thrones” (based on his books) “It never stops amazing me how on the show people get angry over the showing of a naked breast when in the next scene a mans head is cut in half with a Battle Ax in extremely graphic detail.” I couldn’t agree more Americans are hypocritical when it comes to sex, violence or both.

The second issue I have is with the American public AND MTV. The American Public freaked the fuck out over “Skins” subject matter and portrayal of teens sex lives, BUT heres the HYPOCRISY. While enraged at the behavior of FICTIONAL characters the American public had no problem with MTV’s other show “16 and Pregnant”. The show “16 and Pregnant” was a reality tv show that followed REAL LIFE UNDERAGE PREGNANT TEEN MOTHERS, their families, their friends , and occasionally the TEENAGE FATHER.

If Americans claim to be free yet their actually restricted as fuck, and the American public are NOT socially enlightened at all in fact their predominately MENTAL MIDGETS offended by damn near everything. So how the hell do Americans justify condemning a FICTIONAL SHOW because of its content and because of how it could influence/affect American teens in real life, BUT fully endorse and embrace a tv show that damn near glamorized underage high school pregnancies?!

What the fuck is exactly wrong with Americans who claim to be accepting but are ANYTHING but based on American social norms?!

END THE HYPOCRISY AND TRULY UTILIZE THE FIRST FUCKING AMENDMENT. The world s full of sex, drugs, drinking, and socially unacceptable behavior so restricting Television shows based on “objectionable” content won’t accomplish a fucking thing.

CENCORSHIP IS UNAMERICAN.

FIGHT THE FCC.

FUCK HYPOCRACY IN ALL ITS FORMS.

Fat Shaming is Motivation You Fucking Cowards by Spacedog

It was 4 in the morning at the end of December, but the one thing I was not doing was writing a letter. I was a bit mortified of what stared back at me in the mirror. Mainly because it was a lot larger then I was used to. With a great deal of sloth and investments in GrubHub, I had packed on roughly 40 pounds in the past year. I wasn’t quite sure what I said about a year before that resulted in the great big “Fuck It” but it happened.

So as people began their New Years resolutions trying to better themselves, improving the world and living with more virtue the only thing that struck me was this. Let’s go all in. I wanted to see what would be like to be super fat. Well on the edge of morbidly obese that is. I decided to get started right away.

For the next month I wanted to see what it would take to do so. More then likely I probably ate roughly 6 months worth of food and consumed 2 years worth of alcohol compared to what I was accustomed to at my normal weight of 160. The goal was to pack on enough weight to hit 250. I ended up at 248 for a staggering gain of 28 pounds in one month. I tried hard at those last 2 pounds but honestly I felt horrid and miserable the entire time and needed it to end as soon as possible.

I cannot fathom how one would willfully ever decide to get this large on their own without going into a complete freak out panic mode. I literally was going into one the second week in. Sure if I had stayed drunk the entire 30 days, I probably could have gained more weight but I wanted to at least have some idea how these extreme excess weight made me feel and not be in some perpetual blackout.

The somewhat average weight and height of 5’10 and 200 pounds being a male in their late 30s gives one a certain anonymity. As I got slowly heavier and heavier it gave quite the opposite effect.  I got disdainful stares. I no longer could slink my way into doors at the convenience stores with people next to me. I no longer received the same niceties when frequenting retail establishments. I got stuck wedged between a toilet and a door on a bathroom floor. It goes on and on.

I signed up for a fatty cattle call hook-up meat market app called Bigger City. I really ginned up my profile, well instead of interests or anything interesting I just listed food. Instead of a headless torso, I just put up a picture of my giant ever-growing gut. Immediately I got 5 responses. I was a bit taken aback but willing to listen to what these “chasers” had to say. For those of you unfamiliar with gay slang, a chaser is someone that specifically desires a fatty. I will not bore you with the first 4 responses but the response number 5 was a humdinger.

Apparently, this is a thing. I shouldn’t be surprised that anything is a thing these days with the billions of people living in our world. I’m sure someone out there shits in their meatloaf and feeds it to their unsuspecting family or there is someone that only eats bagels they allow to soak in beer overnight. This man wanted me to come over and basically feed me copious amounts of food. I really thought about doing it for the sake of the blog but discomfort and a preference to feed actual whales rather then this whale being fed turned it a big hard NO.

Another harrowing encounter was at a nightclub. This was one I totally brought on myself early on evening before the drunken blackout occurred. I went with a sober friend to a local nightclub called The Raven. My goal. Attempt to find the hottest guy in there, preferable younger, to just make overt sexual advances at in the hopes of rejection. While being more of a local stop and less of a destination for perfect tens, I found someone that reasonably looked like a 9, though my sober friend said 7 or 8. Good enough I thought. I casually passed by and for the first time in my life I sorta made a half hearted “woof” sound at him. Personally, I think that gay mating call is not only retarded but like retard with an IQ of 70 so not like functioning retard.

It all happened quite quickly and fast after that. Much I do not remember. The drinks are quite strong at the Raven, enough so there is a 3 Long Island Ice Tea max and you are cut off. I’m pretty sure I must have been somewhere deep in my third. Anyway I’m not really sure what was said but eventually I go out for a cigarette with this guy after buying him a drink. He went into some winded diatribe about how I personally was what was wrong with the gay community and why would I ever think someone like him would ever consider a beached whale such as me. Now normally, this would leave me dejected but it was exactly what I was looking for. Mission accomplished. Thanks for the motivation green eyes.

So now that I am morbidly obese (I just barely made it at 35.4 BMI and probably higher body fat at least in the middle) it is time to cut out the bullshit. It really will not be that hard. While a bit disconcerting that I cannot really handle doing more then 5 minutes of my Insanity and Tapout DVDs nor 98 percent of the crossfit activities I am foaming at the mouth to do I kind of accept it. Losing weight is honestly the easiest thing in the world. I am completely fucking tired of people who moan and groan and bullshit about this all the time.

The worst are the ones who say, “I hardly eat.” Hi, if you are 300 pounds and staying that way and not bound to a wheelchair or on some shitty medicine then guess what you eat too much you gluttonous fuck. Get up, move. Shut your pie hole.

Even worse are the women who gab and gab and gab on the treadmill while walking at not even 3.0 mph, try 2 mph. If you are 500 pounds you or can barely walk you get a pass but seriously no pain no gain. If you do not bleed, do not sweat, do not get the chubrub thighs, or get a little bit angry move along. I hear the diner down the road has great cream pies.

I’ve done this before. Lost 60 pounds, gained 80, lost 100 gained 120. I am officially done with the seesaw. I wanted this time to be more dramatic though. I have personally visited three of my exes in the past week so they can experience the full glory of the horror. I want to smear myself in their faces when I am through. Well not really. It just is some great motivation. What good is it to do something completely dramatic if no one is there to bear witness. It is no fun indeed.

Anyway this is easy people. This isn’t finding your Romeo and Juliet soulmate. This isn’t searching for the ultimate orgasm. This isn’t auto fellatio on your tiny little dick. This isn’t going from a homeless mute to an Academy Award winning actor in less then a year. It is too fucking simple.

One last thing I’m actually no longer 248 pounds. Down to 233 now in a little under 3 weeks. I’ve entered a few cash weight loss competitions and sadly I may have to eat more then the 2000 calorie a day diet I am currently on as to not lose too much weight and get disqualified from one of them. It is a bit ironic that I may have to literally stuff my face again because I am doing too good of a job. I haven’t a drop of liquor in 3 weeks and fear I may have to drink quite a lot of rum to even have the desire to consume so much food. Life is not always fair, even for those who choose to thrive.

By SpaceDog

Less Sober Begrudgingly On Less Sober

Ask and You shall receive they say well I hold more with the saying be careful for what you wish for because you might just get it. In this case in particular Your Gonna Get It Ladies and Gentlemen. I fully understand especially in the age of social media dominated by millennials that someone attracts the exact attention I don’t want. See the less you say about yourself now a days the more ravenous the curiosity of others grows and abounds. So for those who wanted to know so goddamn bad that they annoyed me to the edge of sanity this ones for you so with that said I don’t want to hear anymore personal questions about me from here out.

Here some facts in Bullet Note form:

Age: Old enough to be considered Ancient.

Looks: Like a Basic Human with 10 and 2 of everything required.

Right or Left Handed: Ambidextrous

Education: Street Smarts with a Collage Education.

Occupation/Vocation: Writer/Expert Cryptozoologist on Chupacabras.

Salary: I’m chronically broke, but I can pay my bills.

Social Status: Social Deviant

Marital Status: Married to my Wife

Ethnicity: Unknown due to the fact that if I were a dog breed I’d be a Ethnic Mutt.

Accent: Slight Southern Accent that slips in occasionally.

Tricks: Getting people to buy any absurdity based on Reasonable Doubt

Polotics: I agree with George Washington when he said “A Two Party System will DESTROY AMERICA.

Hobbies: Sharpening my knife collection or cleaning my guns while thinking about people I hate.

Addictions: Ex Junkie, Heavy Drinker, Fast Food, Death, Doom and Destruction, People Watching.

Pot Smoker: Yes daily

Social Media Used: Twitter and FaceBook only for Blog Promotion nothing else.

Obsessions: Sociology, Death Metal, Horror Movies, My Dogs & Snakes, Revenge, Under Dogs, Anything Anti Authority, The Occult, and more.

Beliefs: I do not believe in organized religion of any kind, I prefer Spirituality. I also fully endorse Karma.

Superstitions: Murphy’s Law, It’ll Get You Ever Time Without Fail.

Attitude (General): Stubborn, Aggressive, Impulsive, Opinionated, Demanding, High expectations of others and most of all self, Vengeful at times, Anger bordering Rage (Terrible Temper), Sceptic, Natural Born Pessimist, little to no Patience, open minded, Sarcastic, Trust Worthy, Loyal to a Fault, Witty, Entertaining, and Extreme Story Teller to name just a few.

Prejudices: I hate the Rich, The Police, The Government and any Institution of Authority such as the FCC. I hate millennials with a undying passion. I hate technology but use it as it becomes a necessity because the public integrates it into social life. I hate big pharmaceutical companies, Lobbyists, Politicians, The Legal System, Taxes, The Health Care System, Large Corporations, Bullies of any kind,  SUVs, Rules and most Laws. Think thats enough to list for now.

Ambitions: To make a comfortable living as a writer and to get this Weblog financially self sustaining. Becoming a Marijuana Millionaire in the Medical/Recreational Marijuana industry. (It be nice to get paid for what I know as opposed to be sent to prison for it.)

Medical History: I had Hep-C and was treated making a 100% recovery. I have never broken a bone, BUT I’ve had more stitches then I can count, and I had my Appendix removed TWICE (but thats another story all together)

Sex: I was born with a penis so obviously Male.

Fears: There will never be justice.

Pets: English Bulldog, French Bulldog, Miniature Dachshund (who is completely deaf and only has 1/2 her vision in her left eye) Ball Python, and a Colombian Rainbow Boa Constrictor. Also 3 evil ass cats.

Tattoos/Piercings: No Piercings, 6 Tattoos with plans for many more

Handwriting: Shitty, my handwriting makes Doctor’s handwriting look legible.

Friends: Small Handful of people I have met throughout my life. I generally dislike people and avoid them a great deal.

Personality Type: EXTREMELY Introverted

Favorite Movie: The Toxic Avenger

Favorite Singer: Chris Barns (formally of Cannibal Corpse now with 6 Feet Under)

Favorite Band: Currently for the last 3 years or so Ghost (also known as Ghost BC in America due to copyright laws)

Hometown: Cliche USA

Currently Living: In Parts Unknown to Man and Beast

Country of Origin: Antartica

Astrological Sign: Maximus

Personal Heros: Nicola Machiavelli, Nicola Tesla, Vlad the Impaler, Genghis Khan, Hunter S. Thompson, Lloyd Kaufman, George Remero, Les Claypool, Tobe Hooper, Eli Roth, Doug Benson, Sam Kinison, Samuel Jackson, G.G. Allin, Kevin Smith, Kevin Spacey, Ron Jeremy, Popcorn Sutton, Johny Cash, Tommy Chong, Scortese, Dr. Ray, Jerry Springer, Doyle, Merle Allin, Dave Brockie (aka Oderus Urungus), Mr. Lordi, Werner Herzog, Micheal Jordan, Cliff Burton, Clive Barker, Wes Craven, and thats plenty for this piece.

Favorite Color: Black (the absence of color)

Favorite Song: Bite It You Scum by G.G. Allin & The Murder Junkies

Siblings: Yes 1 younger brother Moore Sober

Instruments: Used to play Bass guitar, but gave it up along with my teenage dreams of being a rock star.

Height: The National Average for my demographic

Weight: Could stand to lose 3-5 pounds.

Sports: I do not play any sports and am anything but a sports fan.

High School: Ignorant High

Favorite book: Tie between “1984” and “Animal Farm”

Favorite Place: Inside my own head

 

 

Its All A Matter Of Perspective

I just bought a new property somewhere in Podunkville East Cackalacki and hired a new contractor (not new per say he’s worked with my family on a myriad of projects, but this is the 1st time he will be working with us) named Rock EnRoll. When I was returning home I texted Rock the following text:

“The side gate by the pond in open”

All that meant was exactly what it said as its only value is face value.

Rock called back in less than 90 seconds and was all worked up talking so fast all I heard was his thick as tar southern accent. I was a tad bit stoned and rather exhausted so I handed the phone to my Wife stating to Rock she was the one who locked the property up.

As it turns out Rock doesn’t text and a rule of thumb is you shouldn’t text Rock. This is because in this small part of the country people keep their fucking cell phones in their pockets out in public (that includes placing their phone on table as if to say, “I swear I won’t check it every 2 fucking seconds to see if I got a text or a fucking FaceBook like for the picture of my goddamn dog in a cowboy hat.”) Now due to this technology differential Rock, among many if not almost all, have no idea or concept on/for interpreting the context of the text. I’ll explain.

Rock received the text, read it and interpreted it as some James Bond 007 super secret 911 code for an emergency AND he needed his help immediately. Why did he draw this conclusion I have truly no idea to be blatantly honest.

I mean when Rock read it did he possible think one or more of the following issues was at hand:

  1. My Wife or I had had a severe and most likely life threatening accident.
  2. There were hostile renegade poachers attacking from the cover of the woods.
  3. A Home Invasion was going down complete with guys in ski masks and machine guns
  4. My Wife and I were battling insane Moonshiner’s over still site(s)
  5. Ali Baba and his 40 thieves were attempting to steal shit.
  6. Wife and I were being “TAKEN” by Liam Neeson.
  7. Wife and I were being abducted by Aliens.
  8. Viciously rabid woodland creatures were surrounding my Wife and I.
  9. The house was engulfed in flame and my Wife and I were stuck upstairs.
  10. My Wife, The House and I were being swallowed up by a sinister sink hole.
  11. Leatherface was running at us with his  Chainsaw revving up like a fighter jet engine.
  12. The Hills Have Eyes.
  13. Cannibals were trying to kill us and turn us into BBQ.
  14. Bigfoot was real and holding us hostage.
  15. My Wife and I were in fact secret agents for the CIA and were being targeted by either the drug cartels, mafias, gangs, terrorists or foreign evil governments, and needed impromptu assistancte/help.

That though is only the first part, the second being the gate open part. If we were in fact in immediate danger of some sort why the hell didn’t we say so?! You’d think in an emergency we’d texted “HELP!”, “HELP US”, “911 EMERGENCY!”, “ACCIDENT! Need Help” or “Come Quick we’re in life threatening danger!!” but I didn’t text anything remotely like that that could be misinterpreted or at least that what I thought when I sent the text.

What about the gate being open?! Did Rock think this message of the gate by the pond is open was code for “Help Us, Come Quick! the side gate is open so you can access the property and swoop in and save us from whatever the hell you think the trouble is!”

Well I will never know how a simple one sentence text was thought to be a coded plea for help in a direly dangerous and potentially violent emergency , BUT I did learned my lesson, NO MORE TEXTING ROCK.

Sexual Ambiguity By Spacedog

Subject Contradictions:
He takes his coat off as he slowly enters the room. A swift, precise glance of the inhabitants reveals copious laughter but their smiles are nylon. This is unamusing to him so he creeps out the back door.

He sees a child drop an ice cream cone and begin to cry.

He sees a parapelegic ringing her little bell and sitting on the sidewalk. He wonders where her wheelchair went?

He hears a train whistle but sees no tracks.

He steps in a big wad of horse shit and walks with a more pronounced anger.

Walking further down the narrow roadway, he spots a man and woman arm in arm. Every four steps or so the woman takes she gazes a loving glance at this man. The man gazes back at her but in the exact moment she looks away, he lustfully gazes at the ass of the man in front of them.

He walks down the street and wonders when his chance will be. When he will be the ass that they gaze upon. He’s a virgin though and waiting for marriage. Then he remembers that he is gay.

Wait! We can’t marry!

So he decides to take matters into his own hands. He turns around abruptly. He takes off his shirt. He is cold and his nipples harden, among other things. He walks back into the room.

I need something acceptable, he thinks. He turns his nose to the air. He smells alcohol, roses, and faint scents of sex. He walks towards those of course. He realizes it is darker in the corner of the room. Someone motions him into a doorway.

He enters the room.

Twenty minutes later…….

He’s no longer a virgin. He goes home.

Believe it or not there is a point to the story. It really has nothing to do with sex but sex gets people’s attention for the most part. All the things which are “forbidden” to us when we are children do. Sex, drugs, alcohol, crime, purposefully hurting others.

I have dabbled into all of the above. A lot of them quite often. Never all of them at the same time. You grow out of one bad habit and there is always another. We all have them. If we are defined by them and ruled by them therein lies the problem.

So I don’t care what people do in their own time. Each of the things I mentioned above have their risks and their rewards. As adults we know what they are. We still do them though. We have sex until we get the HIV or anally seep or walk a little funny. We do drugs until we have no more veins or no more teeth. We drink alcohol til we need a liver transplant and then we get a new liver and drink some more. We evade taxes, invade minors, and jaywalk. We hurt others and then we are hurt and then they are hurt and it goes around in one big limitless circle like Simba and his fuckin pathetic Circle of Life.

Then we go to church and we pray and put on our Easter bonnets and some of go home and celebrate Jesus and some the Cadburry bunny, while others still just go off and celebrate their birthday suits together. One big happy family.

Then we go feed the homeless. Then we hop a train to the city in the clothing we just bought at the Salvation Army and go panhandle.

After that we pick up our grandmother to go to bingo. She sits there contently. Dabber in one arm, flask in the other, bible in her purse. She sees another 70 year old man there, one with all his teeth, and promptly leaves you to dab balls by yourself. Apparently grandma knows a lot more about balls then you thought.

It never ends. It is eternal, it is disturbing but it’s not. We all do it. Extreme or miniscule. It exists.

“This is the biggest mistake I could think would save me. I wanted to give up the idea I had any control. Shake things up. To be saved by chaos. To see if I could cope, I wanted to force myself to grow again. To explode my comfort zone.” -Chuck Palahniuk

I have so been there. Ripping myself apart just so I could see myself bleed and try to fix things. That’s human.

And that’s why even though people are flawed to a repulsive extent, they deserve a chance in my book. Otherwise we would all be sitting alone by ourselves in caves, fleshlight in one hand (ummmm i guess dildos for all the bottoms and women out there) and a bottle of whiskey in the other. 🙂

Murder And Mayhem At Trump’s Insidious Impromptu News Conference Of Death & Damnation

Have you ever woken up in the morning and the first though you have is that you really want to pick a fight? I have many times and today I decided the person I was to pick a fight with would be the one and only Donald Trump. I ,along with the rest of the American people , have been bombarded by Donald Trump on television, printed interviews/articles in newspapers and magazines alike, Twitter, Youtube, and even radio. I must be clear I hate Donald Trump politically and personally as he is an extremely shitty person to begin with. Now why, or for what reason do I dislike Trump so highly?
Donald Trump looks quite similar to the past 44 presidents (excluding Obama obviously). He dresses in expensive high end suits worth thousands, predominately wears red or blue ties, is a 70 year old white man, and has a rather large belly. That is where the similarities end. Trump’s unique physical characteristic being found in his ungodly fake spray tan that leaves him looking like he has the worst case of jaundice in recorded history. The second primary physical characteristic is his hair which has remained a mystery for so long it can finally been called the 8th wonder of the world.
As for Donald Trump’s personality characteristics they are truly deplorable as he seems to have a Pandora’s box of bad behavior. Trump is a narcissist of Freudian proportions who’s extreme ego borders on megalomania. Also, for being completely ignorant of the American political system, Trump is over opinionated as well as ruthlessly aggressive on every front and every platform because his unquenchable thirst for power and control are unparalleled. For a president, Trump seems ignorant of the issues and takes every negative comment as a personal attack upon his character. Trump’s immature attitude has him tweeting like a tween and seems to cater to his child-like mentality that causes him to have terrible tantrums reminiscent of a 2 year old. Trump also is a sexist who’s views are almost on par with pedophilia. He is a closet racist and blatant anti semite. Trump is not only rude and insulting, but he always remains unapologetic as he points his finger at anyone but himself.
I just so happen to live in Florida and am located so geographically close to Trump’s Mar-a-Lago mansion that when I saw he was due for another visit I decided this was my chance. I drove to the Palm Beach Post newspaper headquarters down in West Palm Beach to meet up with a buddy of mine that works for the paper. He hooked me up with an official press pass and credentials which (unless you were in the know) made me look like a legitimate reporter. I then made my way to the Trump National Golf Club also located in Mar-a-Lago where Trump was due to throw an impromptu press conference. I strolled past the news truck barricade parked directly out front and past the handful of reporters shooting pre news conference pieces. I entered the club’s front door where a large security man who scowled at my press pass before ordering me through a metal detector. On the other side of the metal detector I was met by another rather large looking security man who gave me a pat down that was so intense it was more like a massage. I made my way into the conference room and managed to finagle my way into the 2nd row front and center where I waited for my prey to enter the room.
It didn’t take long before the rest of the press personnel were herded into the conference room like cattle. About a minute later Donald Trump entered from behind a curtain lazily wandering over to the podium as he smiled with self satisfaction. Once behind the podium Trump proceeded to slowly scan the room from side to side with his classically vacant stare. The conference was a fiasco and made little to absolutely no sense at all as Trump dodged questions, made false allegations and rambled on about subjects that weren’t addressed in the news conference. After 45 minutes or so Trump finally wound down his inane diatribe and opened the floor to questions. This was my opening because to fight Donald Trump your best weapon is Donald Trump. All one has to do to pick a fight with Trump is to say anything remotely critical about him and he launches himself into a terrific tirade which surpasses self defense. He then plunges head first into full on attack mode.
By the time fourth or fifth question had been asked Trump was already leaning aggressively forward over the podium his face flushed with outrageous anger. Trump’s facial features had twisted and contorted into an insane mask of rage filled disgust and endless contempt. He was cracking quickly and I knew it was now or never. I raised my hand and was lucky enough to have him call upon me.
I simply asked the president how he plans to make America great again if his bartenders at Trump’s Bar and Grill couldn’t even make a proper cocktail? Without pausing for a millisecond I continued by explaining. A patron of his eating establishment photographed a $22 gin martini because it was served in wine glass filled with a generous handful of ice. I was some unknown brand of gin, and had a very weak looking olive.
This was the straw that broke the Donald’s back as it were. Trump started waving his hands in the air like a demonically possessed air traffic controller screaming at the top of his lungs that in fact, the world has been making martinis wrong, and Trump’s bar staff actually know the correct recipe. Thats when the shit really hit the fan as they say.
Trump’s private security burst open the conference room doors with the force of an atom bomb and came charging in like rabid bulls. Unfortunately the private security team had had a miscommunication issue as to what was happening and who they were supposed to subdue. This miscommunication led Trump’s private security personnel to engage in an all out fucking fist fight with the Secret Service who too where there for the protection of the president. Steve Bannon appeared out of no where holding a copy of “Mien Komf” which he immediately started reading in German. I wanted to punch Bannon in his white nationalist fat fucking face, but I didn’t want my hand to stink of cheap whiskey, sweat and nazi for the rest of the day. Mike Pence, being the giant pussy that he is, had been methodically backing up since the opening of the Q and A to the curtain behind the podium, which he now utilized to hide with only his expensive Italian loafers poking out from the bottom. Reporters scrambled to defensive positions tripping over each other’s camera cords, and misplaced chairs in an attempt to capture as much footage as possible. Kellyanne Conway showed up to pander to the remaining cameras and reporters jumping around like a jack rabbit on crystal meth. Kellyanne was trying in vain to convince the reporters that this was not a riot of any kind, BUT it was a rally born of over exuberance, love and support for Trump. This over exuberance had caused a spontaneous outbreak of fanatical joy and sincere celebration. Moments after appearing on the scene Kellyanne was struck violently on the top of her head in the misguided attack by a Trump supporter armed with a confiscated boom microphone. The boom microphone crashed down upon Kellyanne’s skull with such brute force it split her head in half in a volcanic explosion of blood. Kellyanne’s body wavered a second with her eyes still blinking in such a way it was reminiscent of a Hammerhead Shark before collapsing lifelessly on the floor. Just then I spotted the one person I hate worse than Donald Trump, the British journalist Milo “I will say anything or back anything outrageous for attention” Yiannopoulos who is employed by the GOP to run interference using the most vile propaganda to distract the public from the president. Milo was dressed in a British school boys uniform to accommodate his latest travesty of defending, exuding and virtually promoting pedophilia. My attention was drawn to Yiannopoulos. He was fleeing franticly towards the fire exit at the back of the room when he got knocked flat on his back by an improvised nazi salute from Bannon. I ran over to Milo and informed him I was the vice president of NAMBLA (may all members of NAMBLA be castrated and left to bleed out)and I was here to help him escape. Once Milo was on his feet again I led him to the center of the conference room directly under the industrial fan that was humming like monster truck engine.
Once we were positioned under the gigantic fan I bent down, grabbed Milo behind his legs under his buttocks, and hoisted him strait up into the fury of the fan blades. The fan blades turned Milo’s head, arms and upper torso into minced meat with a shower of blood, bone and body parts raining down upon the entire room. I dropped Milo’s mutilated and mangled carcass and looked back at Steve Bannon. Bannon had worked himself into such a fury he had triggered a massive fucking heart attack. His face as white as his KKK hood, sweating like a pig at the slaughtering house, gasping for air and clutching at his heart with his right hand while still kept on reading. Seconds later Bannon dropped to his knees, explosively shit his pants and fell over dead as a door nail, and his eyes looked like 2 fucking blowfish due to Bannon’s extremely insane blood pressure right before death. The chaos was reaching a climax when I realized if I believed in self preservation this was time to make my exit. Trump’s security had surrounded him and were ushering him out the door with great difficulty because Trump kept stopping to turn around and yell ridiculous claims such as this was a media plot to destroy and discredit him, this is part of the Liberal agenda, this was in all reality fake news, the electoral college, the boarder wall, molesting women, his bank account, Putin and how it was mother Russia marrying father America, questioning Obama’s birth certificate, China hackers that plagued the election, hair care, tanning tips, advertisements for Trump Towers/ Trump casino’s/Trump Hotels, unifying America, Rosie O’Donell, preaching he never once went bankrupt, the annoying planes that fly over his mansion, tweeting, and vast voter fraud. I ducked and weaved my way to and fro, out the conference room door into the foyer. As I made a beeline for the club’s front door I saw radio personality and Trump lover Alex Jones standing in the middle of the foyer like he was the eye of a hurricane. Jones was spouting Trump propaganda and undying support for him, like a deranged circus barker. I couldn’t resist so I got in front of him and when he opened his mouth for another decree I rammed my microphone into it, and then proceeded to jam the microphone as far as humanly possible down his throat into his esophagus rendering Jones silent as well as dead the mic cord hanging out the corner of his mouth like a wayward piece of spaghetti.

As I strode towards my car drenched in blood I thought to myself what a wonderful little riot that was.

Catalog Of Humanity (The Vile Version)

The once grand city fell into the continuing chaos of decades of decay,

The businesses and those with money have abandoned this sickening city,

The whores loitering outside of the local liquor store looking for love,

The strung out narcotic zombie working the corner cleaning windshields to feed his abominable addiction,

The open festering sores that line the limbs of the homeless,

The panhandler suffering through withdraw from drink or drug fidgeting in the door way of a flea bag motel,

The flop house littered with junkies cooking up and shooting up nodding their nightmares away,

The constant flickering of lighters from the derelict row home windows reminiscent of fire flies as the crack pipes burn on,

The entire city is a cess pool engulfed in the putrid stench of a sewer,

The crooked cops riding around in the streets high on their own brutality like Nazis scumbag sons of bitches,

The dirty little convince stores selling single cigarettes and lottery scratchers to the soulless and the suffering,

The dim florescent glow from dive bars windows beckoning the bums inside for a glass of piss poor beer,

The screaming machinery bellowing like a banshee from the chop shops,

The junkyard dogs chained up in yards of dirt, clumps of weeds, and piles of its own shit,

The pimps perched like perverted gargoyles waiting to be paid by their beaten and broken bitches,

The asshole teenagers from the suburbs driving into the city to prey on the unfortunate,

The drug dealers posting up on the street corners peddling potent poisons,

The gangs who wage an endless war of horror over disputed territories,

The bouncer ejecting a greasy client from the shadows of a back room illegal casino,

The overlapping layers of spray paint so thick one can’t tell the walls original color,

The plagues of rats and roaches devouring the city turning it into shit,

The cold gray fermentable walls of the State Prison looming large casting its silhouette across the southern side of the city,

The now defunct factories slowly rotting away in the winds of time,

The dead Vietnam vet who overdosed in his cardboard condo decomposing as his body waits to be found,

The piles of foul garbage that choke up the entrances to allies,

The deep brown tap water thats murky like mud,

The squatters that inhabit the vast city cemetery emerge under the dark cloak of the encroaching night to forage for food,

The front stairs of the court house teems with lawyers and defendants debating their legal fates,

The Public assistance offices are over crowded and under staffed as the government gives up on the poor,

The sea of condoms that surround the dumpster out back of the check cashing store where hookers trade in dick for dollars,

The methhead on a 4 day bender thats furiously fucking a dead pigeon in the desolate park,

The the old deranged mentally ill man who wonders the streets arguing with himself and losing,

The inhabitants of tent city sit around their make shift fires roasting their catch of stray cats for diner,

The bankrupt arena the city built without proper parking at the corner of Rape and Heroin,

The drunken man beating his kids since he wore out his wife before his tv diner,

The dead and the dying wallowing in squalor and their lost faith,

The cries of an unwanted baby unceremoniously deposited in a garbage dumpster by a terrified teenage mother,

The distinct crunch of empty crack files mixed with broken beer bottles under ones feet as they walk down the street,

The nightly fist fights that break out in the city’s central soup kitchen,

The crumbling churches now just idle monuments to a bygone god,

And this city of shit could be any city, all cities dying from industrial death,

And forgotten by history and humanity alike.

A Catalog Of Humanity (Respectable Version)

The line of movie patrons shuffles forward to pay $20 for the latest CGI travesty,
The mother locked in the eternal battle to control her wildly unruly children as they run around her in circles laughing, yelling in excitement and screaming at disappointment,
The aging 30 somethings that chase trends to help them feel young and relevant,
Hipsters dressed like lumberjacks stand face to face like giant bookends each holding a vaporizer the size of a laptop, and blowing copious amounts of vapor in massive clouds that envelop their entire person upon exhaling,
The homeless man’s faithful dog who waits patiently outside the liquor store as his master pops in to buy a cheap bottle of booze,
The Grocery store bag boy who’s happy to be on cart duty as it allows him to utilize his cell phone,
The Millennial who almost runs a woman over in his massive SUV because he was preoccupied posting what he ate for lunch on FaceBook,
The Latino landscaper hanging outside the check cashing store waiting to cash his paycheck after a long and laborious day that has left him reeking of roofing tar,

The teenaged boy dressed in all black and sporting a bright red mohawk holding the door open for a little old lady proving chivalry is not only alive, but can be found in the unlikeliest of people,
The shrunken old man and his tinier wife who walk to their local diner everyday for breakfast,lunch and dinner for the past 42 years,

The withered old woman wrapped in countless shawls and blankets being pushed by her home health aid as the women rants about how when she was young a world like todays would never have been allowed to exist,
The small child fighting in vain to coax his bulldog to stop sitting stubbornly in the grass to get up and finish their walk to no avail.

The bulldog sitting in the grass without a care in the world sunning himself in the mid day rays as he continues to refuse to acknowledge his child master as he stairs vacantly into bulldog oblivion,
The ragged Tomcat that saunters through the neighbor hood with his large head and giant jowls fully believing himself to be the king of his suburban kingdom,

The sinister senior citizen on the board of the local HOA standing at the end of his driveway glowering in disgust at his neighbor’s lawn for being half an inch too high,
The baby with his family dining out in a noisy chain restaurant that refuses every attempt by her parents to get her to eat because she is severely overstimulated her wide eyes of wonder scanning over her brand new world,

The cashiers that looks like their job has left the bodies lifeless transforming them into mindless drones dragging merchandise across the loudly beeping scanner eyes half shut,

The undying commitment of the college student trying to raise money for a local soup kitchen as he is overlooked by people passing by him on the sidewalk feigning ignorance at his presence, The high school student who is dragging her feet on the way home because her parents know nothing of youth today,

And at the end of they day they go their way as I go mine,
And tomorrow we all will be back fulfilling our daily routine,
And we will see each other again the next day as well,
And we will continue to live our lives side by side never acknowledging one another.