Creative Writing – Page 9

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (24/365)

Lee entered the Small Lobby and looked around as His eyes adjusted to the Dim Light. Everything was painted Black The Walls, Door, Ceiling, and Concession Stand which made it all that more difficult to see anything at first. The Concession Stand was defunct with an Outdated Popcorn Maker, A Soda Dispenser that was coated in cobwebs, and an entirely empty Display Case. Lee couldn’t figure out why the Theater Owners weren’t selling Candy and Soda since that shit boosted the Bottom Line when it came to profits.

Lee walked up a flight of stairs into the Tiny Theater which had max seating of 50 people at most. The Chairs were simply the run of the Mill folding Metal Chairs in rows sending a homemade Riser. Again every fucking thing was painted Jet Black. There was a handful of onlookers in the Audience that topped out at 11 people including Lee sitting motionless as if They were Tibetan Monks Meditating. Lee found the unyielding Silence to be rather unnerving since it reminded Him of a fucking Funeral Home.

Then at last the lights dimmed down, a Gentlemen who looked like a Long Haul Trucker fresh off the road appeared from god knows where and stood unenthusiastically next to the sole Spot Light (there wasn’t another sort of Stage Lighting to be found). After a brief pause The Curtin crept open and the Spot Light jumped into action.

The First Act was called “Pregnant with Myself: The Inner Child Defined”. The Act consisted of a Young Female Contortionist preforming a 3 stage Interpretive Dance. The First Stage was Her inpregnationg Herself by having Sex (Not Masturbation) with Herself followed by Her being Pregnant with Herself. The last Stage, Stage 3 was Her giving Birth to Her fully Grown Self with an exorbitant amount of Fake Blood.

The Contortionist was followed by a Young Man that appeared to be in His late Twenties in Jeans and plain blue t-shirt who walked very deliberately onto the stage, set down an empty 25 Gallon Plastic Bucket, then dropped His pants, Sat Down on said Bucket, and then spent the next 57 minutes taking a shit in it while playing Candy Crush on His Cell Phone. It was then that Lee realized WHY the Theater didn’t sell anything Edible.

The 3rd Act was a Pair of Fuzzies who came out one dressed as a Bright Pink Unicorn and the Other was Dressed as a Tyrannosaurus Rex . They then proceeded to play a few Children’s Games like Leap Frog and a 2 person game of Duck, Duck, Goose before Standing side by Side. Once the Fuzzies were standing next to one another shoulder to shoulder They undid the Velcro that covered Their crotches exposing the Unicorns erect cock and the T-Rex’s freshly shaven Vagina. The Two the engaged in Mutual Masturbation until Both Climaxed and fell over. Lee pitied the Janitor who had to clean that shit up before the Next At took the Stage.

Stay Tuned for the Next Fun Filled Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (25/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (23/365)

Lee noticed as He was driving to the Theater that it was located in what He like to call the Artistic Industrial Zone. This Area on the Outskirts of the City was know by Locals as The Industrial Art Zone. The Area had been dubbed the Industrial Art Zone because used to be a Bustling Industrial Hub decades ago before facing the harsh Economic Hardships during the Great Depression. Since the Big Manufacturing Businesses had Closed Shop, and Left Town due to Bankruptcy the Area had remained virtually untouched like one Giant Ghost Town comprised of Crumbling Factories, Dilapidated Warehouses, and Abandoned Store Fronts that lined the Pothole plagued Road.

Over the last few Years the Vacant and Decaying Neighborhood had become a sort of unofficial Mecca for the City’s Struggling Artists as well as Small Time Art Galleries, Movie Houses, and Theaters that operated on a Shoestring Budget had set up shop due to the incredibly reasonable rents (which is a nice way of saying Cheap as Hell). The cheap rates and Large Lofts provided the Artist not just a Roof over Their head, but an amply work Space as Well.

Lee had a rather depressing thought cross His mind which was He wondered how much longer it would be before Scourge of Gentrification would arrive and displace the Artistic Residents for fucking Star Bucks, and other Pretentious Businesses that catered to the invading Wealthier Demographic. Fuck Trends and all things fucking Trendy Lee thought to Himself why does society succumb to the desire and will of the Rich?! Money Lee thought to Himself was a real motherfucker.

Lee pulled up to the Theater, Parked, Pumped a handful of Quarters into the Meter (Lee was amazed was even there and on Functional on top of that), and walked up briskly to the Ticket Window. What Lee nonchalantly had assumed was just good old glass appeared to in fact be Bullet Proof Safety Glass (the kind One finds at All Night Gas Stations, and in Connivence Type Stores in Seriously Shitty Places). There was a Tall Thin Man in His Twenties with Pale White Skin that if was any Paler it be fucking Transparent., Sunken Eyes that seemed to be actively retreating into Their Sockets, and with Stringy shoulder length Hair. The Ticket Guy looked as if He was on the verge of Passing the fuck out on His face or Nodding Off due to being Strung Out on Heroin and was currently Under the influence.

In the end Lee couldn’t decide if the Ticket Teller was in fact a Hardcore Goth or a Hardcore Junkie either which way it was too hard to Tell considering both were perfectly Viable Options in this part of Town.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Mind Warping Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (24/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (22/365)

Since Lee’s first Day at the Gas Station until Monday since Bob told Him He had to fire a current knucklehead first. And since it was Saturday Lee went back to His car to jump on His phone right quick Google to see what was going on in the Area. As Lee lazily scrolled down the unimpressive List of Weekend Events in and around town one finally caught His eye it was a Show called “The Performance Art Extravaganza” that was playing at a tiny Theater named “The Performance Art Arena”.

Lee found the similarity between the Show’s name, and the Theater’s name lame as hell since there wasn’t any creative though behind either. Lee popped over to The Theater’s website to get further details on the Show. There wasn’t in fact a whole hell of a Lot of available Pertinent Information since the Website looked like a fucking French Avant Guard Student Film. To add insult to injury there were only vague descriptions of the various Events They were hosting that Month.

Lee found the Show and clicked on it for specific details pertaining to that Nights performance of whatever the fuck a Performance Art Extravaganza was. The Description was short and seemed to lack a point. All the summation of the Show said was “A Night of Emotion and Thought as 7 Different Artist preform Their unquietly Personal Art Pieces for an Evening of Intellectual Stimulation and Profoundest of Thoughts”

Lee couldn’t make heads of fucking Tales of the Show’s description so He scrolled down to see Who the Artist/Act Was to see if that might help clarify some semblance of an explanation. The First Act was Titled “I’m Pregnant with Myself” by Lillian Louise followed by “Outhouse Orchestra” By Otto Arse. At that point Lee stopped reading as He was getting No Where at all.

Lee figured why the hell not go to See the Show anyway since He didn’t have any plans, and Time to Kill before starting His New Job on Monday. After an aggravating hour in bumper fucking Traffic due to a Horrendous Auto Accident. A Propane Truck had swerved out of its Lane, and side swiped a Bus full of Nuns. Both Vehicles careened off the Road. The Propane Truck ended up Sandwiching the Bus between It and the cement Safety Barrier. When the Vehicles collided with the Safety Barrier the Propane Truck Exploded on Impact instantly Obliterating everyone involved in the Accident.

Stay Tuned Kiddie for Tomorrow’s Reality Warping Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (23/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (21/365)

“Look I know You’re young Guys and I could care less if You Guys wanna Drink some Beers or Smoke a little Pot, But NOT on My time, NOT on My dime You hear Me?” asked Bob in a Authoritative Tone that resembled a Stern, but Fair Father Figure more than a Boss.

“I here You loud and clear Sir.” replied Lee being sure to sound as Sincere as He actually was.

“I’m not joking here I don’t need any extra bullshit to deal with. I already got a heaping helping of Everyday Bullshit on My damn Plate. This is a Business and I’m not in the Bullshit Business. This isn’t a damn Manure Factory for Christ’s sake You know what the hell I’m saying?” said Bob who was beginning to sound a bit worked up.

Bob walked over to the Office’s Big Plate Glass window and peered out Purveying the Gas Station from one end to the Other as if He was standing Guard. Bob then turned to Lee and sighed before offering Lee the Job which Lee gladly took.

“Now I don’t wanna come off like a hardass here, But I’m dead serious I don’t tolerate a bunch of juvenile bullshit. You gotta see where I’m coming from.” said Bob exasperatedly, “There was this one time a couple of the Boys who were off work swung on by to keepTheir Buddy who working the Overnight Shift from 11pm to 7am company. Well They’re hanging out and decided since it had gotten so damn late that there wasn’t a single damn car out on the Road more or less one needing a fill up.”

Bob wondered behind the Office Desk as He talked and started to fuck around with some of the Work Order’s on the Counter. Lee couldn’t help at this point thinking Bob looked like Mario’s (from the Classic Super Mario Brothers Video Game) lesser known Older Brother Antonio or some shit.

“Anyway These geniuses go buy some beer from the Connivence Store across the way there, and started knocking them back.” continued Bob as He started to fiddle with the Computer Mouse while squinting at the screen ignorer to see what it said before finally continuing the Story.

“So its the following Day which was a Saturday so that’s a busier Day around here being the Weekend and All. Well around lunch it was around 1 in the afternoon if I remember it right a big old wind started blowing. Well wouldn’t you know it all of a sudden You know what starts blowing down off the Roof?” asked Bob fustratedly, “Damn Empty Beer cans. The Guys thought it was funny to throw Their empty’s from the previous Night up on the damn Roof instead of just chucking them in the damn Trash Dumpster. So as a result I now had a barrage of Beer Cans flying off the Roof with every Gust of Wind pelting My Workers, The Customer’s, The damn Pumps, and worst of all the Customer’s Cars. And on top of it all the damn things are scattered all over the damn Lot rolling all around like a bunch of aluminum tumbleweeds or some damn thing. It was a complete mess, and damn near killed off My customer base because No One wants to deal with that bullshit just getting some damn Gas You know.”

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Exciting Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (22/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (20/364)

Lee nonchalantly picked up the phone and called Frank’s Fossil Fuel Gas Station. He had brief (yet very to the point) conversation with a Man who identified Himself as Bob told Lee if He was actually interested in Applying He should swing by and Apply in Person. Lee got His shit together and hopped in His car and sped off towards Frank’s Fossil Fuel with High Hopes.

Lee pulled up to Frank’s Fossil Fuel Gas Station to find your basic 8 Pump Gas Station with a small office and two bay Garage set up. Lee parked next to the Dumpster, exited His Car, Walked Determinately into the Office, and asked to speak to Bob. While He waited for Bob He looked around the Office curiously inspecting the lay out and contents.

It seemed to be your typical far small set of High School Locker Room Lockers in the far left corner opposite the door. There was a small and surprisingly clean Restroom located in the back right corner off of the Office. There were a couple shitty chairs in a half assed U shape forming a cramped and grimy waiting area for those waiting for their car repairs.

On the Right was the Door that leading the actual Garage and a tiny L shaped “Cashier” complete with an Out Dated PC, a Pay Phone (Yes the Dinosaur of Telecommunication), a Cheap ass Office Rack stuffed with fist fulls of Disorganized looking Paperwork, and a Rack of miscellaneous Engine Products with Different basic motor oils, Power Steering System Fluid, and Anti-freeze.

Just as Lee was wondering how fucking back dated the feeble collection of Magazines actually were the Garage Door swung open and a Short and Stocky Man entered dressed as a Mechanic who’s name tag read Bob.

“So you’re here for the Job are Ya?” asked Bob questioningly as He did a quick head to toe visual scan up and down of Lee.

“Yes Sir I’m Lee.” Lee replied extending His hand.

“You reliable, Can I count on You to show Up, work hard and not get into any bullshit?” asked Bob guardedly.

“No Sir I don’t even know what You mean by That?” responded Lee curiositly as Bob did in all due fact seem like a Strait Forward No Non Nonsense No Bullshit sort of Guy.

Stayed Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Enlightening Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (21/365)

Thanks for reading,

By Les Sober

Chances

My phone rang one desolate, dank, and cold evening.

She asked for Carlos.

I told her she had the wrong number.

She called back.

She called back a third time.

My jack and coke told me that I was bored.

So we talked.

For thirty minutes.

A strange girl and myself.

I don’t talk to strange women.

Women have cooties.

So we went on a date. It was rather bizarre. A date with a woman. We met. She was a pretty girl, but I think I was just being nice when I told her this. She liked pixie sticks and newports. I had both of these in my pocket at the time as well. We hit it off somewhat. We saw a movie. Then sanity kicked in and I never saw her again.

This was the ultimate chance meeting. I wanted to say I went out with my wrong number girl. If I was bi, I would have gotten in her pants so I could say I have sex with people that dial the wrong number. But I had already pilfered my friends phone line one day and made dates with six different guys who were actually calling him. My phone booth whore days have long since vanished.

GOOD VS. EVIL

Some chances we take have results not always visible to the naked eye. We take a chance on lending a friend money. Let say $500. That person promises to pay us back but everytime we ask them for our money the subject is changed. We hear about their abusive boyfriend, we hear about how expensive gas is, we hear about their drunken sister.

Then we suddenly remember this person is single. Then we remember gas is like a buck fifty a gallon. Then we recall they don’t have a sister.

So we stop asking.

We try not to harm the friendship in this person’s mind even though they might be harming it in ours but not making any attempts to pay us back. They don’t seem to have much of a consciousness or a soul when it comes to these things. Then you think for a second that you are being too harsh. Then you find out another friend of yours lent this person money and never saw a dime of it either.

Several weeks pass by. You have a few drinks at your friend’s house and fall asleep on the couch. In the morning you part ways and find your wallet to be short a few bills. You go home. You wonder what to say. Whether to say anything. What you say is ignored. So you keep silent.

Then we go off into the night.

Then we try and forget this person existed.

We hear rumors about their plight.

We hear sordid fairy tales, most likely a melody of facts and fables, everywhere we turn.

We wonder what went wrong, why we took such a chance on them.

Why couldn’t he have been honest? Why can’t we tell the truth and be honest for once?

BLACKMAIL

I like the way you look at me.

I like the way you brush your hair.

I think your eyes are a glimpse into heaven.

I know you had sex in your car last night. I am going to rat your ass out.

Yup sometimes we are lucky little ones and aren’t always the ones with our hand caught in the cookie jar. We catch other people’s hands in the cookie jar quite often too. I was involved in one of these situations before. Well shit I seem to have been involved in many of these situations, who am i kidding?.

Sometimes all we have to do is shut up and listen. You can hear drama from quite a distance.

All of the thoughts in my head told me to go for the money. Extort! Extort! Extortitionaaayyyy! I need a vacation I thought to myself. I chose to have a conscience. I laughed about it with the dude, who was the “other woman”. The months worth of laughter provided much more valuable than any payment plans.Chance provided a good chuckle.

CONCLUSIONAIRE

We all take chances. Sometimes they take us.

We have the power in ourselves to determine the final outcome.

Time may have had its way with you.

Time may be your best friend.

But when the time comes to make your mark.

Will you actually take that chance you have been dying to take your whole life?

Or will you let time have its way with you and regret those leaps of faith?

Those chances you can’t take back.

Those choices that beckon forth your reaper.

I simply call him Dismay.

By SpaceDog

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (19/365)

Lee waited till He heard the solid plunk of the Dart lodging in the Dry Wall before opening His Eyes. Lee slowly crept towards the Post It that Destiny had guided the Dart to in an almost Ritualistic manner. When Lee was face to face with the Wall He plucked the Post It off and read His Fate. The Post It had the words Gas Station Attendant. Huh Lee though to Himself this was indeed an intriguing new Venture.

Lee found the idea of working as a Gas Station Attendant on several different Levels. There was that on the Historical Level Gas Stations and America’s Golden Age of Car Manufacturing when The Road was King went hand in hand. Gas Station Attendants played a much bigger role back in the Old Days where They wouldn’t just refuel Your Vehicle.

They would also wash the front and rear windshields, and if You wanted check Your Oil and other small routine Maintenance like Putting Air in Your Tire. This fostered a relationship based on reliance where both the Customer and The Attendant shared a mutual respect for one Another.

Now a Days the Attendant and Customer interact as little as Possible while trying to virtually ignore one another. Lee couldn’t help but think that the 1980’s had facilitated the Beginning of the End for the Gas Station Attendant Job. The pivotal point Lee was trying to pinpoint in His mind was when Gas Stations went from Full Service to just Some Guy Pumping Gas.

On a Secondary Historical Level Pumping Gas is/was an Iconic Piece of Americana when it came to Teenagers. Countless Hordes of High Schoolers throughout the Decades have Manned the Pumps be it either as a Summer Job or as a First (Part Time) Job. It was almost a fucking right of Passage type scenario Some would Say (especially if They grew up in the 1960’s to Mid 1990’s)

Lee also held the belief that this very well could actually be His Last Chance to Work a Job Pumping Gas before the Job Itself unfortunately, but inevitable transitioned from Decline to Extinction. The way Lee saw it with More and More Companies Utilizing Technology as well as Mass Incorporation of Robots some Jobs like certain Species would one day soon be completely Non Existent.

Some examples where The Post Office which was Doomed to Death the Day E-Mail hit the Mainstream. Robots replaced Auto Mechanics on the Assembly Lines at the Big American Auto Plants causing Mass and Widespread Layoffs as the actual number of Human Employees dwindled to just a handful. Traffic Camera’s are currently killing off the Mass Majority of Toll Booth Attendants who’s last salvation Lies in Large Cities with Multiple Forms of Public Transportation like Subways for Example.

The so-called Big Box Store Giants like Walmart and Home Depot have already been cutting Cashier Jobs using Self Check Outs. In fact the Number of Self Checkouts is on a steady and consistent rise. It’s gotten to the point that some Major Companies like Apple are looking to Fully Automate Their Stores thus requiring NO HIRING OF HUMANS.

Lee chuckled to Himself since the Idea of the Condescending assholes over at the Apple Genius Bar being out of a Job due to the Technology of the Company they serve so fucking Proudly puts Them out of Their Asses jobless. to be utterly Hilarious.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (20/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (17/365)

Goddamnit! Lee thought not because He was moments away from being seriously fucking Fired by a Furious Fran or anything like that. Lee was annoyed because Fran was going interfere with Him getting to see the Conclusion of the Parking Lot Lunacy.

“LEE WHAT THE HOLY FUCK IS GOING ON?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WHAT THE FUCK AM I LOOKING AT?!!” Screamed Fran like a goddamn Airhorn. It wasn’t so much because He was infuriated, but mainly to be heard over the Sea of Sound in the Parking Lot.

“What the Hell Fran this shit is some act of God shit I didn’t fucking plan for this shit to happen for fuck’s sake.” said Lee indignantly even though He knew His firing would play out this way. Lee knew He would be unfairly held accountable for the insane shit that was far beyond His control in the first fucking place, but He’d be damned if He didn’t Go Out Swinging.

“How did you let this happen, and why did you let it get totally out of fucking control?” Demanded Fran who’s Blood Pressure was so high His face was flushed making Him look like He had a fucking 3rd degree Sunburn.

“They just showed up and jumped the shit out of Me. I was concerned that perhaps the Little Old Lady at the Door was perhaps a tad senile and might be lost. I unlocked the Door to see if She need assistance, and Her Anti-Porn Posse shoved Their way in. Next fucking thing I know Their fucking rioting and wrecking the Joint.”Lee replied matter of factly as He stood His ground.

“Well goes without saying that as of this moment You’re fucking Fired. Give Me Your Key.”said Fran through clenched Teeth now on the verge of having a Full Blown Stroke.

Lee figured fuck it there wasn’t any point in arguing since He didn’t actually give a shit about the Job, and has thoroughly enjoyed the Events of the Day. Lee took the Shop Key off His Keyring and tossed it lamely in Frans direction before getting in His Car. As Lee drove off (down Route 22 to the Prospects of a Better Job to come) He shot a quick glance in His review mirror to get a final look at the Spectacular Sex Shop Showdown, and Smiled with Satisfaction.

Stay Tuned Kids for Tomorrows Enticing Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (18/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (16/365)

Lee took a minute to regain His whereabouts, and absorb what the hell was happening. Thats when things escalated once again with the Arrival of none other than The Seniors For Sex Association the arch enemy of Grandparents Against Porn. As soon as the first mini van pulled up, (and the first wave of Senior’s For Sex came piling out) the Grandparent Against Porn Members rallied together to form a Human Wall between The Porn Shop and Their newly arrived Nemesis’s.

Lee looked on with an absurd excitement as the Senior Citizen’s from both waring factions lined up like Medieval Armies awaiting the Signal to charge head long into Battle. The Psychotic Screams of Anti-Porn Propaganda had given way to a Sinister Silence as Both sides eyed one another up anxiously.

Then the standoff was over and all her broke out. There were Walkers waving wildly, Damaged Dentures Littered the Parking Lot, Prescription Pill Bottles flew threw the air like tiny Orange Pharmaceutical Birds, Canes Clashed, and Wheel Chairs collided.

Lee at this point wasn’t sure what the fuck to do. Should He try and break it up? No that be futile and there was no need to suffer another humiliating hit like with the Old Ladies armed with the Dildo. Should He run? No that just plain didn’t make sense. Lee had at least to remain put, and protect the shops interests (even though He thought it safe to assume at this point He was fired as fuck) until the Authorities arrived to Handle the Rioting Retirees. That and He’d be required to relay the lead up to the Parking Lot Porno Fight in a Police Report.

Just then the Boys in Blue can speeding down the street sirens screaming and lights ablaze. The Officers scrambled out of Their Patrol Cars, and immediately started to defuse the Feuding Fanatics. Now this proved to be extremely difficult for several reasons. Older People can be Stubborn and Uppity to begin with, and now They were PISSED.

Not to mention the Police couldn’t actually really Physically restrain the Seniors due to Their fragile Physical Nature as well as Medical Conditions (such as Blood Pressure or Heart Ailments) The Police also couldn’t use Mace or Tear Gas for the same reasons plus the backlash from the Public to the Officers Macing and Manhandling the Elderly would be Furious.

Thats when Lee saw His asshole of a Boss pull up and park His shitty 1976 Station Wagon with the fucking artificial wood paneling on the sides. His Boss who went by the Nickname Fran (how the hell Fran was a better option than by going by Francis or Franklin bewildered Lee to no end) heaved His large frame to His feet. He peered around at the absolute Anarchy that had become His Parking Lot before spotting Lee standing to the side by the Tree.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrows Delightful Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (17/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (14/365)

One of the Elderly Ladies whipped Her head around, and decreed “BE GONE SAVAGE SELLER OF SMUT!” which seemed to Alert the rest of the Geriatric Group into Action. The next thing Lee knew He was being pelted with Porn Shop Products from ever direction of the Shop. Lee was ducking Dildo’s, Dodging X Rated DVD’s, Lotions and Lubricants, Edible Underwear, and Other Sex Toys/Novelty Mercilessly by the Mob.

Lee ran over to the Lingerie section and grabbed a hold of two already pre inflated Inflate-A-Date Sex Dolls one in each hand that the Owner used instead of spending money on proper Manniquienns. Lee used the Inflatable Fuck Dolls to shield Him from the continuing Torrent of Sex Toys being launched at Him by the increasingly maddening Mob. Lee knew the situation as amusing as it was had gotten completely out of His (or Any for that matter) Control, and need to escape the confinement of the Shop.

Lee jumped over the counter in one quick leap, and made a B Line towards the Front Door trying not to Knock any of the Angry Elderly over because the last thing Lee needed was a Broken fucking Hip on His watch. Lee made full use of His Inflatable Sex Doll Shield to not just Protect Himself from the Porn Themed Projectiles, but He also used it as an impromptu Bumper Car sort of Buffer to bounce off or around the Gaggle of God’s Geriatric Soldiers.

Lee had pulled of a pretty sick pivot to get around one Little Old Lady only to come Face to Face with another. The two locked eyes in an intense Stare of to Warriors before clashing on the Battlefield. It was as if Lee and His Little Old Lady Advisory were frozen in Time with Their eyes Locked for Eternity. Then out of no where Lee found Himself flat on His ass on the Floor.

Lee still stunned looked up at The Old Lady who was standing triumphantly with an insanely Large Rubber Novelty Dildos. Jesus Lee thought how fucking embarrassing it was going to be if for the next few days if the Dildo left a dick shaped Bruise across His cheek.

Lee had barely finished His thought before His Adversarial Elder spiked a “Fuck Her From Behind” Brand of fuckable Silicone Cast of The Popular PornStar Connie Lingus’s Crotch on His head like a fucking Football. This rendered Lee flat on His back seeing stars while hiding Himself with the pair Inflate-A-Dates He had grabbed a hold of initially to stave off the Onslaught of Weaponized Sex Toys.

Tune into Tomorrow Kiddies for the Next Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (15/365)

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober