A Salute To Eccentrics : Peter The Dog Trainer’s Sexual History With Female Sasquatch

Welcome to FYB’s Salute to Eccentrics Part 2 Featuring Peter The Dog Trainer. While We featured Peter the Dog Trainer in Installment One We became rather infatuated  with Peter in all Honesty. Peter to His Merit is Intensely Passionate, Little Left of Center, and has a Library of Crazy Shit He’s into.

Peter has a Prolific and Extensive Personal History when it comes to the Allusive Crypto Creature Known as BIGFOOT. Peter’s Father Allegedly Shot and Killed a Bigfoot in 1953, and Peter has the Degrading Remain’s of Said Bigfoot’s Severed Head in a Freezer at His Home.Peter has Toyed with the Idea of Training a Dog to Specifically Track and Hunt Down Sasquatches.

As We said Peter has had Multiple Encounters with the BigFoot Population throughout His. Peter claims He was approached by a Female Sasquatch Who in His words “Forced Me to have Sex with It”, AND could Very Well have a Hybrid Bigfoot Bastard Child as a result of the Encounter.

DON’T Take Our Word for it, Let Peter Tell You Via a Couple of His Videos. Enjoy.

The Moral of The Story is When You’r Out in the Woods WATCH OUT For Sex Starved Sasquatches Kiddies!

Presented By Les Sober

Questions That Allude Answers: Skinny Bob and “The Nightcrawler”

On This Installment of FYB’s Questions That Allude Answers We give You SKINNY BOB and THE NIGHTCRAWLERS!!!

Skinny BoB: The Backstory: This Video was First Posted by IVAN0135 (Who Remains a Mystery unto Himself) on the Same Day He Joined Youtube on April 13, 2011. Allegedly this Deep Web (Not Dark Web) Video shot in the 1940’s by The Russian Military on Behalf of the Russian Government. These TOP SECRET and CONFIDENTIAL Footage was Leaked by a KGB Agent, and show 1 of 3-4 Aliens who where reported to be Working/Collaborating  with The Russian Military. Since it was Originally Posted THOUSANDS of People have tried to DEBUNK the Skinny BoB Footage, And TO DATE NO ONE HAS BEEN ABLE TO PROVE THE SKINY BOB FOOTAGE IS FAKE.

   

The Nightcrawler(s): The Original Nightcrawlers Video was Posted by Jose of Fresno California in the Mid 1990’s. Jose had been having been Robbed set up Security Cameras through out His Property. What He Recorded was Far more Frightening than a Petty Burglar. Jose recored 2 Humanoid Unidentified Creatures walking through His Backyard. The Creatures were Approximately 3-4 feet tall with Extremely Long Skinny Legs and a Head (There is NO Evidence of Arms or a Torso), and Appeared to be wearing a White Cloak or Other Garment.

Jose has submitted His Footage to Television Stations and Later Soliceted Help from the Internet, but to NO AVAIL. Finally Jose’s Case Feature on the TV Show Fact Or Faked who Tried several Methods to Debunk the Footage. They Tried Using a Child, A Puttpet on a Pulley, a Puppet under a White Sheet on a Pulley, and Lastly a Crew Member walking a Puppet on a String Across the Backyard. The Results were the Jose’s Video is UNEXPLAINABLE!

       

Years Later in March 2011 an Elderly Couple living near Yosemite Park was having a Reoccurring Problem with Pesky Trespassers. So They Set up a Security System complete with Cameras, and The Trespassers They caught on Camera were Anything but Human.

Are the Nightcrawlers Paranormal Spirits?! Aliens?! Undiscovered Cryptozoological Creature?! Inter Dimensional Beingings?!

Nightcrawlers According to Native American Tribes have been on Earth for Hundreds to Thousands of Years.  They Believe Nightcrawlers as We call Them are Aliens who are on Earth to Awaken Humanity to bring around World Peace and Harmony.

Skinny BoB:

Yosemite Park and Original Fresno Nightcrawler Footage:

The Fresno Nightcrawlers:

So are Today’s Selection of Videos Real, Fake, or Just Plain Fucked Up?

You Decide.

Thanks for Reading/Viewing,

  Presented By Les Sober

So It All Started When………

So it all Started when I was Driving to the Gadget Store to pick Up a New Tomato Polisher to give to My Wife for Our 57th Wedding Anniversary. Out of fucking No Where a Naked Guy Higher than God on BathSalts Leapt into the Middle of the Road trying to Eat His Own Face. He had already Consumed His Lips and was Futilely trying to Shove the Rest of His Face into His Mouth.

I sweared like a son of a bitch and Accidentally Drove of the Road to Avoid turning the Man into a Human Meat Sack. As My Car charged Head First Down a the Stereo embankment Zigging and Zagging through the Bumper Car Course from Hell. At Last My Car came to a Abrupt Stop after the Wheels got Entangled in Under Brush.

I exited My Car and Started to Treck through the Dense Woods in Search of Civilization. As I strolled along I heard a particularly Strange and some what Disturbing Sound. It sounded Like a Rabid Wounded Grizzly Bear, and its Prey had fallen Head First into a Giant ass Blender. Curious I wondered  towards the Unknown Noise until I reached a Near by Clearing in the Woods. There I laid Eyes on One of the Greatest Abominations I have ever born Witness too.

       

There is that Clearing was Only what I can Assume was Bigfoot who looked Nothing really like the Stereotypically Depiction of what Bigfoot is thought to look like. This Humanoid Creature was in deed HUGH standing around 8 Feet Tall, weighted approximately 400 plus Pounds, and was in need of some Serious Industrial Manscaping (Due to the fact this Creature had Excessive amounts of Body Hair I could see Why Some People Mistook the Body Hair for actual Fur). The Bigfoot though had the Physical Characteristics not of an Ape, but much more like that of a Neanderthal  Caveman with a Sloped Head with a Pronounced Brow.

The Bigfoot like Creature was engaged in a Rowdily fucking a Large Brown Bear, or Perhaps It was Raping It I’m not too sure. I’m not sure because I have No fucking Clue what a Fully Grown Adult Brown Bear or a Suspected Bigfoot sound like while having Sex. All I’m saying is when Cats Fight or Fuck it sounds the Same which is as if They were being Skinned Alive.

       

Not wanting to be Spotted and running the Risk of Being Killed or Worse Dragged into This Interspecial Clusterfuck. So I took off as Fast as My Legs could carry Me. After a Few Minutes of Running through the Woods I came across a Small Zoo on the Boarder of the Woods and a Rather Large Looking Town. I made my way to the Front Gate only to find it Chained Shut with a sign hanging on it that read “Closed for Mating Season”.

I figured even if the Zoo wasn’t currently Open to the Public there still has to be a handful of Staff on the Premises to Clean, Feed, and Tend to the Care of the Zoo;s Animal Population. I scaled the Fence and let Myself In. As I explored the Zoo I gravitated over to the Penguin Enclosure since I personally think Penguins are Dope as Fuck.  I still had yet to locate a Staff Member and decided since I was already in the Zoo I may as well Treat Myself to a Round of Penguin Spotting.

I entered the Building that Housed the Penguin Enclosure and started to Look Around. As I was staring at a Colony of Emperor Penguins I became aware that for a Building Housing Penguins this One was Rather Warm, Yet the Snow/Ice in the Enclosure(s) was Melting in spite of the Above Average South Pole/North Pole / Arctic Temperatures. I simply Couldn’t get My head around it defied Science. I figured something had gone wrong technically maybe the Cooling System had Broken Down or was About or To something to that effect.

       

I searched around until I located the Access Door that lead Directly into the Actual Penguin Enclosure and once again let Myself in. As soon as I set foot into the Enclosure a Malicious Penguin Slide Tackled Me, and in Response I fell flat on My face in a Big Old Snow Bank. Just then a Second Penguin landed on My back knocking the Wind Out of Me. As I tried to Stand Breathing in Heavily in an attempt to Catch My Breath I inhaled a large Portion of the Snow Bank. Once I got to My Feet I realized this Snow was gritty like Sand, and no where Near Cold as it seemed to be Room Temperature.

A Second or Two later I felt a Rush of Energy that felt like NASA had Launched a Rocket up My Ass. I could hear My Hair Growing and there was a Low constant Humming in My Ears. I then became insanely aware of My Surroundings and started to become intensely Paranoid. I thought to Myself that perhaps this is what it was like to Loose One’s Mind as My Heart was Booming a Death Metal Band’s Bass Drum. I scrambled Frantically out of the Enclosure and bolted out of The Penguin House in Haste.

Once outside again I freaked the fuck Out as I became Overwhelmed by the Situation and remembered I was in fact Trespassing after Breaking an Entering. I knew I had to get the hell out of the Zoo no matter what before I got Arrested for My Illegal Shenanigans.  I started sprinting from Building to Building, Enclosure to Enclosure trying to find a Posted Map of the Zoo’s Layout.

Before I found One The Zoo was inundated with Militant DEA Agents wearing Bullet Proof Vests, Guns Drawn, and Their Badges swinging wildly around Their Necks from cheap Chains. I was apprehended immediately and taken into Custody. Luckily I managed to inform the Agents I wasn’t a Zoo Employee which They then Verified. They uncured Me and told Me to Remain where I was until instructed Further as I had already gotten in the Way of Their Drug Raid.

       

It turned out that the Zoo wasn’t closed for Mating Season as the sign stated, but it was Closed for Drug Smuggling. As it turned Out the Employees of the Zoo had a MASSIVE Meth Lab in the Basement of the Penguin House. As They Manufactured Kilo after Kilo of High Grade Crystal Meth the Hid it in Plain Sight by Masking Their Meth as Actual Snow.

In the End 37 Zoo Employees were Arrested in the Raid and the DEA Confiscated over 2 Tons of Amassed Crystal Meth making it the Biggest Meth Bust bu the DEA in Meth History.

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (26/365)

As it turned out The Dueling Ted Nugents clashing in a Inflatable Kiddie Pool filled with Spam turned out to be quite Anticlimactic. As instead of flat out Brawling the Two Teds were having a choreographed Fight which looked to be a Hybrid of Professional Wrestling and Kung Fu. To make it suck even worse They were fighting in a Slow Motion Matrix Style Rip Off.

Lee couldn’t tolerate the Slow Motion Slaughterfest in Spam a moment longer so He opted to take a leak. Lee descended the Stair case back into the Dismal Lobby where He searched for the Restroom Door. Lee located it at last over on the Far Wall past the crappy Concession Stand.

        

Once Lee reached the Restroom Door He pushed it open only to discover it didn’t lead to an actual Bathroom, But to the Cramped Trash Packed Ally  next to the Theater. Lee figured when in Rome (or an Ally in Rome in this Case), and walked over to the nearest Dumpster. Lee was being extremely cautious no to step on any of the Garbage that was strewn about the Ally. The last fucking thing Lee needed was to catch Hepatitis or Herpies in addition to witnessing this ridiculous Performance Art absurdity.

Lee went back into the Theater and returned to His seat. Once seated Lee noticed the Two Teds had vacated the Stage, and the Next Act was now on Stage. Thank fuck thought Lee taking a piss had been the perfect way to avoid anymore Spam induced Shit. On Stage there was a Man who looked to be in His fifties suffering from a classic case of Male Pattern Baldness leaving His remaining hair looking like a Common Clown Wig.

        

He was Shirtless and Lee was truly dumbfounded by how much fucking Body Hair this Guy had. There was so much hair that it looked to Lee like this Guy had missed a step or two in the Evolutionary Process. Serious Lee thought this Guy must be the Subject of a ton of Bigfoot Sightings, and the Unknowing Star of hundreds of Sensational Bigfoot Captured on Film Videos. Lee figured that a real live Specimen of a Bigfoot is essentially a Cryptozoologist’s Wet Dream come True.

The Man who too Lee’s disappointment was wearing a pair of Kaki Slacks instead of say Shorts or possibly a swim suit who fucking knew in a Venue like this One Lee found Himself in currently. The Man on Stage also had on a Pair of Black Dress Shoes so Lee couldn’t see how Big win fact this dudes feet were, and couldn’t help wondering if the Black Shoes were intentional to hide perhaps this Guys Big Feet?!

      

The an went over to the Side of the Stage to retrieve a couple of Saw Horses, a 2 by 4, a 5 pound Hand Held Sledge Hammer, and a Nail that honestly could have been a fucking Railroad Tie. The Man set up the Saw Horses about 4 feet apart and then He places the 2 by 4 across them like a Balance Beam. The Man then took the Nail and Put it in His mouth Sideways Biting  Down on it Gingerly. He perched the Hammer balancing it precariously at the far right end of the 2 by 4.

Once the Performer Guy had his Set Up as situated He nonchalantly took His pants off folding them delicately before placing them at His feet. Again to Lee’s dismay The Guy managed to remove His pants OVER his Shoes depriving Lee of yet another curious glance at the size of His feet.

        

The Man then pulled His Boxer Shorts down to His ankles in one fluid motion, Stood Up, Plopped His Flaccid Penis onto the 2 by 4 in front of Him, Took the Nail out of His Mouth with His left Hand, Picked up the Hammer with the Right, and the Blurted out “I GIVE YOU…THE CIRCUMCISION OF CHRIST.” before holding up both the Hammer and Nail in outstretched Arms in a Crucifix Pose.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrows Harrowing Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (27/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

The Tale of the Small Town MothMan Mural

When We moved from the Southern Swamp to the Southern Country one of the advantages of the move was there were several structures located out back behind our new home offices. There was a large one car garage which We unceremoniously designated for the usual trivial shit like  Lawn Mowers, Various garden tools, Paint cans, and for a few months 2 large puppies (who now have their own Dog House complete with Heater and Air Conditioning)

The second structure was a run of the mill silver, 10 foot high, 20 foot long, 8 foot wide, sheet metal shed supported by an internal  basic wooden frame. When We purchased the property the shithead previous owners failed to give us among many other things the keys to unlock said shed. We could see through the 4 small windows (2 per side) and do a very general assessment. From what we could see the only real issue other than getting a new lock was the plywood floor was rotten in 2 separate places and would need patching.

Once We got the shed lock changed and were able to enter the structure things looked as if the shed was worser for the wear than We had anticipated. Even if it needed more TLC than We thought it was still a viable option to be My Art Studio (Yes I paint and Draw in a variety of various mediums such as CharCoal or Oil Paints. I have recently decided that it is at this point in my life I will be pursuing Sculpting as creating a 3 dimensional project is going to be fucking awesome and intense.) The first thing I did was load it up with all my various art supplies (Canvases, Paints, Brushes, Assortment of Project Materials etc.), but the floor fix would take time, and I have NO PATIENCE, NON AT ALL. Its A Virtue I was born without and I’m totally fucking fine with that.

It took less than a day before I was wallowing in frustrated boredom and thought to myself that if I couldn’t currently use the shed I could still in the mean time decorate the outside. I drove to the local hardware store in the neighboring town and loaded up on Spray Paint big time. I had no idea what I was going to Paint on the side of the shed so first I selected which side I would do first. The rightsize of the shed made a small alleyway between it and the garage so space to work was limited. The same was true of the back of the shed even more so as our fence came in even closer proximity than the garaged and the sheds right wall. That left me with the choice of either the front or the left side of the shed to choose from. I chose the left side since it was bigger and had the best area in which to work.

I walked around the to the left side of the shed and stood there just looking at the shed without a thought in my mind waiting. It didn’t take long before an idea popped into my head MOTHMEN/MOTHMAN. Now before the first fool blurts out how much they loved the movie “The Mothman Prophecies” shut the fuck up. True it was a some what decent movie, but the Mothman is not solely limited to the Point Pleasant, West Virginia 1967 Silver Bridge Collapse that killed 46 people. The Mothman or Mothmen if you will have been seen in different areas before an impending disaster strikes such places as Chernobyl circling Reactor 4, before 9/11 in New York City, The I-35 Bridge Collapse in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and The Swine Flue Outbreak in Mexico in 2009 for instance.

Now I don’t claim to believe or not believe in such things as UFO’s, Ghost’s, Monsters or Cryptozoology but it all fun food for thought because who actually knows, and all I’m saying is I don’t know. What I do know is I utterly LOVE UNDERDOGS and to me the Mothman is just that, The Underdog of Cryptozoology. The main debate surrounding the Mothman is simply this is the Mothman coming and bringing death/doom/disaster with it OR is the Mothman a supernatural being/creature that comes to WARN US of immediate impending danger?! I hold with the latter of the two believes myself. It all added up to a quick decision that the mural I’d Spray Paint on the side of the shed would be The Mothman. (Yet myths, legends and lore interest me to no end ever fueling the fires of my undying curiosity.)

I should take a moment to add that the left side of the shed faced the street in a small neighborhood in a tiny town located along the Bible Belt. For this reason and this reason alone I wrote “Mothman” across its chest because while the Mothman was enough to turn many a head I didn’t want (nor need for that matter) for the locals to think the new guy was painting Devils or Demons on the side of his shed.

In a few days the Mothman was finished and I decided the silver background was fucking up my visual of the Mothman. I thought about background colors to use (My wife suggested blue and I should have listened, but I was thinking Navy Blue not say Sky Blue) and some how I chose Orange. On top of using Orange for the background I used a VERY DEEP AND INTENSE shade only to realize when it was all said and done the Orange background made it look more demonic than I’d liked or intended. I didn’t want to change the mural so Mothman with Orange background and all remained vigilantly watching the passerby on the road for months.

Unfortunately upon a proper inspection of the shed, the shed was found to be structurally unsound. The floor was completely shot and would need total replacement. The supporting wood infrastructure was compromised beyond belief. This was apparently due to the fact the previous owner had tried to wire up the shed with electricity themselves and fucked it up causing a fucking fire. The fire had burned a majority of the roof supports right through so if you tapped on them with a hammer they disintegrated.

I called my contractor and informed him that the shed was shot and I’d need his help tearing it down so as We could replace it. 3 or4 days later my contractor showed up with a small handful of workers who set off demolishing the rickety old shed. It only took them a few mere hours to reduce the standing structure into piles of scrap.

That evening I was talking on the phone to my Brother in the Great Northern New Yonder and he asked what was new. I told him about the failing inspection of the doomed shed and that it had been torn down and hauled off. I also told him that for a split second I thought about asking my contractor if the Mothman Mural could be salvaged, but in the end I just let it go. My Brother started laughing, not in an at me type manner, but a “He hasn’t figured it out yet” kind of way. Once he paused to catch his breath I asked him what he found so fucking amusing about the whole ordeal?! I had spent all the time and effort to paint the Mothman mural just to have it crushed and carted away in the end.  He responded by saying that if I believed the Mothman was a Warning of impending danger, then painted one on the side of the shed, and then ultimately the shed met its demise then it followed my Mothman belief to a tee.

I couldn’t help laughing because he was dead right. A dilapidated shed, a Mothman Mural painted upon it, and 4 moths later the shed and the mural are gone having been destroyed in the dismantling process.

 

Thanks For Das Read,

Les Sober