Tag: curses

The Return Of THE TEXPOCALYPSE!

It’s been a Long while to Say the Least since We have had a Textpocolypse, and Honestly it’s Overdue. The Textpocolypse Posts are some of the (Insane, Obscene, and Absurd) Text Exchanges between Our Dear Friend and Partner in Crime Spacedog and Our Defacto Leader Les Sober. So without a Further A Due lets get to it.

Spacedog: Oh no your fetus is exhibiting very cult like behavior.

Les: Umm…it must be Jim Jones Syndrome. Fetal Cult Like Behavior is the Kid Brittany’s Kid?! LOL fuck Her…Apparently most of NJ Has.

Spacedog: I think you are the only straight man that’s fucked her that isn’t dead or institutionalized LOL.

Les: I know talk about dodging a Bullet! Her cunt is Cursed, its Abortion Central No Fetus can survive THE WOMB OF DOOM! What in Your opinion would constitute an “Excessively Small Penis”? I’m wondering it was in a Police Report on this HBO crime Documentary Series, and its been Bouncing around in My Brain ever since.

Spacedog: Excessively to me is under 4-4.5 inches. Kinda the same as what I consider an excessively small person but feet for them.

Les: Ok I was wondering since Micro Penis is more commonly as a Baby Dick. So Excessively Small was a bit vague as far as I was and am Concerned.

Spacedog: My personal definition is the point at where the penis to me no longer feels sexy and begins to make me feel uncomfortable. My body lets me know because I become extremely ticklish LOL. At what point does a tit become big?

              

Les: Somewhere between Hung and Monster Cock???

Spacedog: I said TIT. Your definitely thinking bout cock more than me tonight LOL.

Les: My Bad I’ll ask My Wife…..

Spacedog: I mean like would 30dd be a big tit regardless of who it was on? Like a midget? an 8 year old? I mean I just would say they had unfortunate tits.

Les: My Wife said once a titty reaches the size of a 9 month old Baby’s Head it’s Big, and apparently from there the Titty Size equates to how much they hurt the Woman’s Back.

              

(* a Minute or Two goes by)

Les:CORRECTION: I relayed the Facts Wrong it’s not a 9 month Old Baby’s head it is in Fact that of a Full Grown Adult. My Bad. Sorry I’m still stuck on the Excessively Small Dick Definition. Does Width Factor in its Excessive Smallness? Example: 3″ prick and the Width/Circumference of a #2 Pencil? AND if So is that the Origin of the Insult of calling someone a Pencil Dick as in “Hey Pencil Dick Move Out of the Way. AND if that does having a 2” dick with the Width/Circumference of a Pencil be where the Insult Pin Dick came from, like “Brittany is a Pin Dick Bug Fucker”???  We have reached a Whole New Level of Dick Jokes or Genital Jokes if You will.

               

Spacedog: I think pencil dick can be a pencil dick regardless of length. I used to joke about my friend fucking me was like shoving some Angel hair pasta up my ass and his dick was 8 inches.

Les: Skinny Dick Syndrome.

Spacedog: I’m doing my first grocery pickup. Ugh. Not that I’m afraid of getting Infected by someone breathing on my car, but I really dred much human interaction. All for some kombucha and epic meat bars LOL!

Les: Grocery Pick Up is Dope, We have done it several times. COVID or No COVID I dread having interactions with Other People so No Change Here Lmfao. Epic Meat Bars? WTF are They and Where can I get some? Seriously if that’s a Thing I’m in.

(*Spacedog Texts Link to EPIC Provisions and Their Bar Variety Pack featuring a 10 Bar Pack featuring Bison, 2 Varieties of Chicken, Venison, 2 Varieties of Beef, Lamb, Turkey, Uncured Bacon, and Wild Boar.)

Spacedog: They had 2 of these at shoprite.

                

Les: What constitutes a Monster Clit? I figure 3 inches because thats the size You could Safely hang Your Keys On. My Wife said around 2″ and I called bullshit. She then pulled the fucking I have One Card and Now its a Monster Clit Standoff. Some shit You just can’t Google. Whoa hot damn they got some serious Variety I like that Wild Boar that’s Wild. BISON! Now I can Eat like a goddamn Cowboy.

Spacedog: I mean isn’t a standard clit at least an Inch? I examined a nice one before but it wasn’t so small I needed a monocle. The most daring I go at shoprite was Venison. so I’m doooooomed I have been avoiding pickup of food for months. So my parents and sister are all like pickup pickup so I finally am tomorrow. In the middle of a Tropical Storm. It’s a bad sign kinda like seeing a gaping hole before you are about to fuck someone. Also how the fuck is it the F storm already? I’ve not been paying attention.

               

Les: Tropical Storm in NJ that’s fucked up all I’m saying is when I lived there We never had a anything close to a Tropical Storm. I though that shit was reserved for fucking Florida and all that shit. We sat through God fucking knows how many Hurricanes living in the Glorified Swamp called Florida. Grades 1 through 3 aren’t so Bad really, but the time We had a Category 4 that shit was fucking Unnerving as hell. It was one of the very few times in My Life I thought I just might Die.

Spacedog: Anyway Jersey now has a “covid controversy”. My mom’s friend’s grandkids baby momma went to Florida and the one chick said she was infected going to work, but the other lady said its not true. I hope the first lady is wrong I like the second lady I’d rather pot brownie Kathy not die LOL

Les; People are such self absorbed assholes. If You went to fucking Florida which is currently a COVID Plagued Swamp in the First Place You’re a fucking Idiot. If You even think that You might be Infected STAY THE FUCK HOME. Period. LONG LIVE POT BROWNIE KATHY! I though NJ was making Everyone Quarantine for 14 Days before being allowed to enter the State. Not sure why the fuck anyone would want to go to NJ for anything is beyond Me. I have a Relative that needs to head back to NJ to check in on a Bunch of Projects and other various bullshit, and While They understand the NJ Quarantine They still Don’t like it. It adds 2 weeks where You can’t do Dick but sit around Your fucking House so it Royally fucks up Their Timeline.

              

Spacedog: This is some self entitled bitch who the minute her kid popped out of her pussy was all like btw I never loved you to the husband I just wanted a kid. Yeah that kind of blows. I hope my old aunt and uncle in Myrtle Beach are okay. Fuck my cousins they are a bunch of trumpers, I’m sure their guns and booze will protect them. At least in NJ she won’t have to be thinking about 2 out of every 10 people she sees have COVID.

Les: What a Cunt and a Perfect Reason NOT to have a fucking Kid. That Kid is gonna have some serious fucking issues with a WHore of a Mom like that. If Your Cousin’s Guns and Booze Don’t Work They can Drink Bleach, Inject Lysol, Shove UV Lights up Their Asses, or They can go the Asshole Evangelical Route and Claim They are Protected from COVID because They are Bathed in the Blood of Christ. Well if COVIDIOTS like Her keeping getting into NJ regardless of the Quarantine Protocol She very well might have to deal with a 2 in 10 Infection Ratio Sooner or Later. Thrupers and Other COVIDIOTS Here are Changing Their Tune BIG TIME, We went from “Fuck Masks” to 95% or Higher Now Wearing Masks. Why You Ask? Its because You can’t Deny or Down Play COVID once the Infection Rate Grows to the Point People and Their Friends, Family, and Co-Workers are Contracting COVID. Ignorance is Bliss Until It’s Obliterated by the Facts/Truth.

           

Spacedog: Yeah once it gets like NY/NJ which it is now most people tend to freak the fuck out especially when they are dead. Why waste a Prayer on the Born Again Bullshitters when you can call bishop chip (Link Enclosed: lutheranorthodoxchurch.org) that would be my cousin. He’s also the one with the corpse bride and the kid with fetal alcohol syndrome. Ok I should stp now LOL. Eh the 4th wife was a keeper. Trump is up to a 67% disapproval rating and not looking good for anything other then him screaming rigged 456.348 billion times between now and January. The .348 is factoring in his mini-strokes.

Les: Goddamn Dead People always Freaking the hell Out the fucking Drama Queen Corpses that They are. Toddler Trumpy is going to Rage Shit His Shorts, 67% disapproval Honestly I thought it be Higher since Trumpy is suck a Fucking Fuck Up Motherfucker. .348 Mini Strokes, That would be Epically Awesome and I hope it would be while He’s on Camera the Obeses Orange Asshole LMFAO!!!

SpaceDog: They actually had 5 minutes trump slurring his words like he’s having a stroke montage on MSNBC early morning. I’m pretty sure they do shit like that purposely to fuck with him cuz they know he’s watching. I wanna start a q-anon rumor that the real purpose of the Lincoln Project is not just to defeat trump, but that they are cloning Lincoln to be a Democrat.

              

Les: That’s fucking Awesome montage and must have been fucking Hilarious. Ah Trumpy You Feeble Minded Mush Mouthed Old Man with the World’s Shittiest Spray Tan. If MSNBC is going all Lincoln Project on Trumpy’s Fragile Ego I would have more Respect for Them thats for Sure.

Spacedog: Oh no it was replayed from the daily show now that I think about it.

Les: YES! I have thought about fucking with the Miniscule Minds of the MAGAssholes Q-Anon Conspiracy cocksuckers too! It must be a fucking sign that We must fuck with Trumpy Supporting Idiotic Assholes.

Spacedog: But yeah every morning Joe Scarborough usually goes to a single camera shot saying “Well Donald…” So trump literally the First Person ever with Dementia where the TV really is Talking to Him.

               

Les: That’s cool I’m a Fan of The Daily Show. HOLY FUCKING SHIT Trumpy’s Dementia and His TV Obsession Collide!!! I can’t stop Laughing! GODDAMN LMFAO!

Spacedog: So I just noticed something about that page of my cousin I sent you. He must be loaded I noticed that he is CEO pf the “Lutheran Orthodox” Church. My cousin invented a church. I may not believe a word he says but that was Genius.

Les: That shows how fucked up things are Today that fucking Church’s have fucking CEOs. Thats basically Admitting Churches are Businesses just like any Other Corrupt Corporation.

           

That’s All For Now Anyways.

Thanks For Reading,

By    Les Sober & Spacedog 

FYB Friday Film: DEATH BED – THE BED THAT EATS!

FYB is Delighted to Present Tonight’s Movie the 1977 Surrealist Horror Film DEATH BED: THE BED THAT EATS Written, Produced, and Directed by George Barry in His Only Feature Film.

           

Plot Summery:

Long ago, a Demon fell in Love with a Woman and Conjured up a Bed on which to make love to Her. Unfortunately for the Woman She Dies During Coitus, and Devastated by Grief, the Demon Wept TEARS OF BLOOD which land on the Bed causing it to Come Alive. While the Demon Sleeps the Bed’s Evil is Safely Contained, but Once Every Ten Years the Demon Awakens from His Ancient Slumber. Once the Demon Wakes it Gives The Bed the Supernatural Power to Physically DEVOUR ITS HUMAN VICTIMS ALIVE!

Only One Man, an Artist named Aubrey Beardsley was ever Spared from The Bed’s Murderous Curse, But The Bed Condemned Beardsley to Immortality Imprisoned Helplessly behind a Painting. From His Eternal Prison behind the Painting Beardsley is Forced watch The Bed Satisfy its APPITITE FOR HUMAN FLESH Throughout Time.  Will Beardsley ever be Free? Can the Death Bead be Beaten and How? Will the Death Bed’s Curse Continue On? You’ll have to just Watch and See For Yourself. Enjoy.

           

A Few Reviews:

“Death Bed is a Horror Flick destined for some small place in the Hearts of Psychotronic Fans who already treasure such Extreme Oddities…”

-Dennis Harvey (Variety Magazine)

“Death Bed is such a True Original that you have to overlook all its faults and just go with it and enjoy this Whimsical Drug Induced Nightmare”

-Barry Meyer (Film Monthly)

” A Major Classic in the What-Were-They-Thinking School of Horror.”

-Brian J. Dillard (Allmovie)

           

“..One of the Most Disconnected and Impressive Low Budget Horror Films of All Time.”

-Joseph A. Ziemba (Bleeding Skull!)

“On the Other Hand, Death Bed Weilds a Strange and Unique Charm that kept Entrancing Me even when I was Bored Stiff. I’ll always take an Interesting Failure over some Uninspired By-The-Numbers Horror Flick.”

-Adam Tyner (DVD Talk)

“A Nightmarish Dream Existence.”

-Ain’t It Cool News

Hope You Enjoyed this Little Piece of Horrific Absurdity as Much as We Did. Goodnight and Sleep Tight.

  Presented By Les Sober

FYB Sunday Night Slaughter Cinema: The Mountain Of The Cannibal God!!!

FYB Sunday Night Slaughter Cinema is Prouder than a Pig in Shit to Present the 1978 Italian Cannibal Horror Film THE MOUNTAIN OF THE CANNIBAL GOD! The Film was also Widely Released in the America in 1979 under the Title Slave of the Cannibal God, and was released in the UK under the Alternate Title Prisoner of the Cannibal God (The Film was Subsequently BANNED until 2001 due to the Films GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, and was considered a “Nasty Video”).

           

Plot Summery:

Susan Stevenson is trying to find Her Missing Anthropologist Husband, Henry, Deep in the Jungle of New Guinea. Along with Her brother Author Susan enlists the Services of Professor Edward Foster who thinks Her Husband may have headed for the Mountain Ra Ra Me. The Locals believe that the Mountain is CURSED, and the Authorities will NOT Allow Expeditions there, so the Search Party sneaks into the Jungle disregarding the Locals and the Law. Along Their Search the Group meets fellow Explorer Manolo who agrees to Join Them on Their Expedition. Matters become even more complicated as it becomes evident None of the Search Party are in fact concerned about Finding Susan’s Missing Husband including Susan Herself.

           

Upon arriving at the Mountain, Author is KILLED and Manolo and Susan are Captured by a PRIMITIVE TRIBE OF CANNIBALS and taken to Their Camp. Once They reach the Camp They discover the Cannibals Worshipping the DEAD REMAINS of Susan’s Husband (Who’s still Ticking Geiger Counter is mistaken by the Cannibals for Author’s still Beating Heart). Susan is subsequently Spared  from being SLAUGHTERED, and the Tribe of Cannibals Feast on other HUMAN AND REPTILE FLESH. Manolo is tied up and TORTURED, while the Other Members of the Group are EATEN. Meanwhile Susan has been transformed by Two Tribal Women into the embodiment of a Living Goddess. Manolo and Susan eventually manage to escape the Clutches of the Cannibals each having Suffered and Endured Their own Ordeals. Enjoy.

We Hope You Enjoyed The Cannibalistic Carnage as Much as We Did.

Thanks for Watching,

Presented by Les Sober

FYB’s Anti-Monday Movie Double Feature

Let’s Face It Monday’s are a Known Motherfucker SO in spite of Our Predilection for the Darker Side of Things know Everyone Needs a Laugh. Now with that said We still have to Keep to Our Principles in some Fashion, and to do so We have carefully Selected Tonight’s Double Comedy Feature.

Tonight We have Selected:

MULVA: ZOMBIE ASS KICKER

And

BANANA MOTHERFUCKER!!!

       

In MULVA: ZOMBIE ASS KICKER Stars a Buffoonish Chocolate Loving Candy Addict, by the Named Mulva, and Her Misfit Friends are FORCED to FIGHT for Her Halloween Candy against A ZOMBIE HORDE Who Rise From The DEAD on HALLOWEEN NIGHT!!!

        

In Banana Motherfucker 6 Adventurers Goon a Quest for a MYSTICAL CEMETERY. After Disturbing a GRAVE causing The DEAD to RISE as They Triggered an ANCIENT CURSE that will DESTROY the ENTIRE WORLD!!!

   

And as Always: WARNING THE FOLLOWING FILMS CONTAIN CONTENT THAT SOME VIEWERS MAY FIND DISTURBING. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. Enjoy.

And Now for Our Second Feature: BANANA Motherfucker!!!

(Note: You Most Likely Will Have To Turn On The Closed Caption, and Select English in Setting or Whichever Language You Prefer.)

For Those Who have an Eversion to Subtitles RELAX the Film is 16 minutes and Change. ALSO The Dialogue is MINIMAL being NONEXISTENT After the First Few Minutes in Fact.

            

Hope You Enjoyed Tonights Double Dose of Movie Insanity. Goodnight and Sleep Tight.

Thanks for Viewing,

Presented By Les Sober

Fake Doctors: Blah, Blah, Bullshit

Ever since I was a young child, I have been affected by other people’s emotions and thoughts. No I cannot read the minds of people that I do not know and most of the time cannot read the minds of people that I do know. Sometimes I wish I could; most of the time I’m glad I cannot do this the majority of the time.

Yet when I have felt the feelings of others, the majority of the time this has frightened me. This has caused me to turn to alcohol (mostly) and turn to drugs the remander of the times. Usually there is so much negativity when I enter a room or false hope or fake smiles, that I have a proclivity towards not really associating with the general public all that often. 

I have taken recent steps to try and change this. I cannot and will not shut these feelings off anymore with psychotropic drugs, legal or street, ever again. It is rather hard for me to accept these kind of things as being real or being a blessing instead of a curse but I know they do exist. People have tried to label me in the past as having depression or bipolar disorder or (name a disorder ) they’ve probably said, “Yes! You do have THIS!”.

 

Newsflash to all those wonderful people that wear the biggest masquerade ball mask of all! This would be psychatrists to those of who may be wearing a mask of your own.

First of all, I do not accept your practice as a genuine medical science. It is a cash cow. Simply put: We are all human. We all get depressed and anxious and have mood swings and get too happy for things that we shouldn’t be getting so happy about. 

Another reason I do not accept your practice as legitimate is due to the fact that while, yes, I have in fact met the definition of clinical depression in the past but all that antidepressants have done is either make me more depressed or caused side effects so great that the idea of facing the world in any way, shape or form was most undesired.

What you may ask are these side effects? Everything from numbing of the face to sharp pains in my side (presumably my kidney) to having auditory hallucinations (which included by were not limited to hearing all music and sound a semitone lower then what actually was occuring) to homicidal nightmares to headaches that lasted for weeks on end to not having the full functionality of my brain available to me. 

Of course, all doctors and professionals in their field will tell you to bear through the side effects and they will go away. However I have to much of my brain to go without my brain. I’m quick with my mouth and well when it takes 30 seconds to coming up with something clever or meaningful to say versus 2.3 seconds (or less), I am completely dull and worthless to myself and others. 

How then did this depression go away? I made a choice to at least try and be happy. Do things that make me happy. See people that make me happy. Listen to music that makes me happy. It’s pretty amazing how a bunch of little things add up sometimes to complete the puzzle. 

No, I’m not perfect. I still make tons of really stupid decisions but the level of stupidity is going downward. I am the most relaxed I have been in my entire life. 

I am not really afraid of anything except writing. I love to write and since my life is relatively simple now, there is no excuse for me to not drop everything when I get a thought or idea. I guess fear stops me. I’m scarred right now. lol. well not that much more tired. 🙂

I just wish more people could see things the way I do. I don’t want to get into all kinds of specifics right now though, I’m too tired to think much more and too private to reveal all my intracacies in a public blog. Or most people wouldn’t believe what I am saying, at least the ones that think they know me. 

And with that I say naught more. 

By SpaceDog