Tag: dancing

G.O.A.T and Your M.O.M

Many years ago a buddy of mine showed me an episode of the TV show TOSH.0 he had recorded previously. The main feature of the show was a viral video starting the band G.O.A.T. and YOUR M.O.M. playing their now infamously famous song “Quack Like A Duck” at someone’s lame ass backyard party (or whatever kind of get together it was it’s kind of unclear). The video had everyone on the internet wondering who the hell was the older frontman who wears only a cape, cowboy hat, and a thong (which are all American flag themed) when preforming.

The answer to the question of who was this band is it’s lead singer and frontman  are G.O.A.T. and YOUR M.O.M. an acronym that stands for  GOD OF ALL TEXAS AND YOUR MASTERS OG MENACE (the origins of the name are unknown, but  most people presume its linked to the location of the band. The band is a Novelty Alternative Rock band formed back in 2007 and are based out of Austin, Texas.  Now this band would make a shit ton more sense if you changed the context from grown adults to the more appropriate high school freshman garage band. I say this because the band’s lyrics are inappropriate with sexually charged lyrics, and the music is pretty fucking basic (there’s NO Grammies in these guys future). Thats why my first impression was “Who the fuck are these lame ass adults acting like they’re hormone ravaged high school teenagers?”, and immediately dismissed the band as nothing more than a pathetic joke (just like another band THE MENTORS). I addition to the immature lyrics and basic musical talent GOAT is know for his brand of sexual dancing involving the shaking of GOATS junk. I saw one video where he played a tambourine by hitting it with his thong covered package.

                    

Then recently something someone said reminded me that G.O.A.T. and YOUR M.O.M. actually existed since I had completely put them out of my mind until then. My initial opinion had remained unchanged regardless of my shitty memory, BUT this time around I slowly found myself abandoning my disgust in favor of laughter. The more I laughed the more the band grew on me like a fucking rash as I started to view them more as an odd ball joke instead of a bunch of untalented adults still dreaming of being rock starts. Before soon I was in what I refer to as “rubber necking” territory since you don’t wanna look at the car crash that’s causing the traffic jam you’re stuck in. You tell yourself you won’t look because it’s a morbid curiosity, and if it was you involved in the accident you wouldn’t want people driving by staring. Accept we all know in spite of your telling your self not to look and running through the reasons not to look INEVITABLY when you get to the head of the traffic jam YOU DAMN WELL DO LOOK. This is how I now feel about G.O.A.T. and YOUR M.O.M. like a horrible car crash that you cannot help looking at even if you believe you don’t want to.

The band consists of an average of 3 Members being Micheal Anthony Gerard (aka GOAT) on vocals/bass, Bubba Spunk on drums, Toni Gnosis on guitar, and part time member Eric Houser on bass when GOAT is more preoccupied with singing. The band are available for hire, and have played at weddings and other associated venues. They also have a single a 12 song live album titled “Dvck Hvnt” (and if you know the band that doesn’t stand for “duck hunt”, but more likely its an alternate spelling of “Dick hunt”).

                   

Video playlist:

  • G.O.A.T. and Your M.O.M. “Quack Like a Duck” (Live)
  • Quack Like A Duck: Explained by GOAT Himself
  • Quack Like A Duck: Explained by GOAT Himself: Part 2 (butt of corpse)
  • G.O.A.T. and YOUR M.O.M. – 1st Date (2016)(Live)
  • G.O.A.T. and YOUR M.O.M. – DP
  • G.O.A.T. and YOUR M.O.M. – Hotter Than Hell (Live)
  • G.O.A.T. and YOUR M.O.M. – Thot U Were My Friend (Live 4/14/2016)
  • G.O.A.T. and Your M.O.M. – Butternut Squash

PLEASE WELCOME TO THE STAGE G.O.A.T AND YOUR M.O.M!!!

HEY LOOK IT’S SOME BONUS SHIT!!!

“QUACK LIKE A DUCK” LYRICS:

[Chorus]

  • Can you quack
  • Can you quack like a duck when you suck
  • Can you buck like a horse when we fuck
  • Can you take every inch up your butt
  • Can you shit on my chest for good luck
  • Can you quack
  • Can you quack like a duck when you suck
  • Can you fart on my balls when we fuck
  • Can you stick your whole tongue up my butt
  • Can you shit on my chest for good luck
  • Can you quack
  • Can you quack like a duck when you suck
  • [VERSE]
  • Give it a suck
  • Give it a fuck
  • But you ain’t cute enough to where I want to
  • knock you up
  • And if you swallow it whole can you take it up
  • the butt
  • Now I might keep you around long enough to
  • bust a nut
  • Well I want to knock you down
  • Cause I want to knock you up
  • All I really want to do is fuck you in the butt
  • Then you turn around and then you suck it up
  • While your girlfriend’s behind me with her
  • tongue right up my butt
  • [Chorus Repeat]
  • [Verse Repeat]

NOTE TO READER: GOAT is a life long heavy metal fan so it’s worth pointing out there 2 heavy metal references in Butternut Squash. The first is the phrase used throughout the song “Caught in a mosh” which just so happens to be a song by the heavy metal legends Anthrax. The second is “cherry pie” which was a song by the lame hair metal band Warrant. In addition to these two specific references you can see in the Video’s DP and Butternut Squash that whatever room the band is playing in has several Heavy Metal flags/posters for other Metal Legends such as Metallica and Iron Maiden.)

See you wench I see you,

   Justin Sane   

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (36/365)

Note To Readers: I apologize for This Installment of LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER being a Day Late as Time got Away from Me. Again I Apologize for the Delay.

As soon as The Quarter came to Rest Dancing Dave bent over Painfully Slow, and Picked it Up. He then all of a Sudden Came Alive like Frankenstein’s Monster with 150,000 Volts of Electricity running through it. Dancing Dave flashed a Robotic Grin and Started to Dance right there on the Corner. This however wasn’t a Dance per Say as it Resembled An Irish Riverdance Style Jig as it were.

Dancing Dave kept Both arms rigidly Locked at His Sides while His Legs and Feet pranced about Like a Tap Dancer on a Cocaine Bender. It reminded Lee of the Crazy Kung Fu Films He watched as a Kid on Sunday Afternoons Growing Up. Dancing Dave’s Entire Routine lasted Only about a Minute before Dancing Dave Stopped and Returned to His Statuesque State.

    

Dizzy promptly Lobbed another Quarter at Dancing Dave You then preformed the Same sort of Short and Furious Foot Work.

“I could fucking do this All Day. Some People might say its a waste of Money or some similarly Lame shit, BUT I rather spend My Change here on the Corner with Dancing Dave then dumping My Spare Change into a fucking Coin Star like all the Other Lemmings.” said Dizzy rather Triumphantly as If He had just made the Final Argument that Won some Prestigious Debate.

       

They watched Dancing Dan until He was Done, and presided to Their Final Destination being Dizzy’s Apartment. It was several more Blocks until They arrived leaving Lee to contemplate How Different Peoples Definitions of Everyday Words Differed Greatly. If the Roles had been reversed Lee would have Invited Dizzy, and then informed Him it was a rather long Walk or pErhaps He’d used the Word Hike instead of Walk. Apparently Dizzy on the Other Hand thought this Lengthy Treck was Nothing more than an average Walk.

“Ah Here We are Home Shitty Home.” Announced Dizzy as the Pair stopped in Front of a Old 6 Story Brick Apartment Building. There was a Homeless Man who reeked of Stale Beer and Staler Urine fast asleep in the Doorway blocking the Actual Door. Dizzy unceremoniously kicked at the Bum several times to No Avail as the Bum Slumbered on Undeterred by the Kicking.

       

“Fuck All.” sighed Dizzy under His Breath looking around in Frustration. Dizzy tossed about a Bunch of Old Newspapers, Empty Beer Cans, Discarded Cigarette Butts, and other assorted Litter laying around the Still Sleeping Bum. Dizzy Located at Last what He was so Desperately Searching for with Great and Obvious Annoyance. It was a Half Empty Pint Bottle of Maddog 20/20 Grape Flavored Fortified Wine.

Dizzy using His bottom of His T-shirt to Unscrew the Bottle Cap and Then Lowered the Bottle until it was Directly under the Slumbering Bum’s Nostrils. The perviously comatose Bum began to Return to Reality emerging from the Depths of His Drunken Oblivion.

         

Tune In Next Week For The Next Pulse Racing Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (37/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

(*Note: Clay, Happy Anniversary of Your Birth Bud.)