Tag: dark web

Dark Web Audio: The Old Tape

Welcome to Another Installment of Dark Wed Videos (or in this case Audio) know simply as  THE OLD TAPE.

Back Story:

In 1994-1995, Some Unknown Person or People Hijacked Colombia University’s WKCR Radio Signal and Proceeded to Play some Disturbing Noises. A Voice can be heard which seems to be Reading Obituaries, Including that of Robert Oppenheimer, Whois also Known as The Father of The Atomic Bomb.

This Broadcast has Perplexed Many for Years- the Source has been Debated/Argued to be Anything from a Secret Government Radio Transmission, Military Experiments, Supernatural Communication by Ghost, and even proof of Alien Contact.

The Following is what an Anonymous User Wrote in a Weird Page of 4chan.org:

“Around 1995, I was about 15. I used to Stay Up Late in My Room listening to the Radio on a Boombox with an Integrated Tape Recorder. I’d Dial through the Stations, and when I heard Something Interesting I’d Hit Record for a While, then Move On.

One Night, I came across this. I Don’t think this was the Beginning of the Broadcast, but I caught a lot of it. Right at The End, an Announcer says that the Station I was Tuned to was WKCR 89.9 New York. There a Bunch of Names and Dates in there, but…I’ve NEVER Run into Anything Else like This.”

Enjoy.

Thanks for Reading/Listening

  Presented By Les Sober

The Deviant Detective #8 Hunting Shadows In The Dark

“Alright No harm in Seeing what Your Made Of,” retorted Rock defiantly, “Now let’s get the fuck out of Here Before I’m Too Drunk to Drive.”

Rock got off His Bar Stool which let out a Loud and Prolonged Creak as the Old Wood breathed a Sigh of Relief and Rock’s Departure. Rock stood at the Bar for a minute or Two before Finally Paying His rather Large Tab before heading out to the Parking Lot at a quick Clip. The Young Girl who alleged She was a Infamous Hacker who went by Von Dire happily hopped off of Her Bar Stood and Took Off Following Rock Outside. Rock marched straight over to His Car and Started fumbling with His Keys unable to find the Actual Car Key to Unlock the Door.

“I’m not getting in a Car with You if Your Driving in This State,” announced the Young Woman indignantly, “Give ME Your Keys and I’ll Drive since there No Point Showing Up wherever We are Going if We’re Dead.”

“Your just Lucky it’s a Shitty Rental from My Mechanic because there is NO WAY in Hell You’d EVER Drive My Car.” snapped Rock Defensively before realizing He was being a Bit of a Drunkenly Belligerent Dick.

            

The Young Woman unlocked the Doors, got in, and Adjusted the Seat and Mirror to Her liking much to the Chagrin of Rock. Once She was comfortable She unlocked the Passenger Door and Let Rock In. Rock Flopped Down into the Passengers side Seat with a Low Groan of an Aging Body. He first struggled to Locate which pocket His cigarettes were in followed by a Subsequent Search for His Lighter. At Last Rock had located the Items He was hunting for and Lit a Cigarette much to the Chagrin of The Young Woman.

“Smoking is Foul and Fatal.” She stated with the Reserve of a Top Scientist.

“So am I so What Of It?!” snarled Rock through Clenched Teeth.

“Nothing I suppose it makes sense You Smoke since You obviously have a Death Wish and Are Also Insanely Lazy. That’s why You won’t even consider committing Suicide so You let The Cigarettes and Booze Kill You on Your behalf,”answered the Young Woman, “Face it Rock Your a fucking Old School Dinosaur on the Verge of Extinction.”

“Then Let Me Die as I wish and Keep Your Unwanted Opinions to Your fucking Self then,” said Rock almost Yelling, “Lets get down to Brass Tax if We do End Up Partners on this Job What The Fuck Do You Need, and What the fuck do You Know.”

           

“Well first Off You’re Hunting a Big Time Scumbag Criminal who is Hiding Out and Conducting some serious sick shit on the Dark Web. If You think it’s fucking Hard to Find someone in Physical Reality it’s going to be Exponentially Harder to Find Someone lurking in the Dark Web Abyss,” stated the Young Woman, “Think of it as Hunting for a Shadow in a Pitch Black Void.”

“Great way to Start Off a New Job.” Rock said Sarcastically before Lighting another Cigarette.

“Not to Mention that Red Rooms are the Stuff of Creepy Pastas which is what an Internet Based Urban Legend is referred To. No One knows if Red Rooms actually Exists outside of People’s Morbid Imaginations,” the Young Lady said in a Flat monotone Voice, “There was an instance of an Alleged Red Room consisting of a Captured Terrorist by Middle Eastern Authorities, BUT it was Complete Crap in it was Painfully Obvious the Whole Thing was Fake as Fuck.”

“Jesus Christ the More You Talk the Less I want to Hear,” announced Rock aloud, “I’m already reconsidering this Job, and I don’t usually do that Until I’m waist Deep in the Shit so to Speak.”

“Once in a Blue Moon there is a Red Room Announcement Posted, But again the Events Never come to Fruition since They are in Fact Fake as Fuck as Well,” continued the Young Woman Unfazed by Rock’s growing Negativity,”And then Theres the Availability Issue. Since Many Dark Web Sites Shut Down one Minute their Up and Running and the Next They’ve completely disappeared they’re hard to Track. If Red Rooms are real lets say for the sake of the Argument then They would be Much More Likely to Disappear without Notice due to The Authorities.”

           

“Hold the Hell Up I didn’t think the Authorities could do a Damn thing about all the Illegal shit on The Dark Web so what Gives?” asked Rock in all Honesty shifting His weight in His Seat as He talked.

“It’s not easy for Law Enforcement either, but They have far more Manpower, Resources, and Money than Just the Two of Us,” answered the Young Woman,”The Authorities tend to Focus on Soly on Certain subjects like Drugs, Guns, Human Trafficking, and Pedophilia. Now though if there is Someone Advertising a Red Room Event where allegedly a Victim is Kidnapped, Held Hostage, and Then Tortured to Death On The Dark Web I think that would be something the Authorities would be Interested in perusing.”

“Valid Point.” said Rock Grimly as He mulled over the Information He was just Given.

Stay Tuned For The Next Unforgiving Installment of………

THE DEVIANT DETECTIVE #9 DELVING INTO THE DARK Coming Soon!

Thank for Reading,

  By Les Sober

The Mystery Of Meatsleep’s Deleted Content (41-51)

Welcome to Another Installment of The Mystery Of Meatsleep’s Deleted Content Videos 41-51. I know many of You may be Tired of “Reading” this Intro, and believe Me I’m fucking Tired of Writing it. I continue to write it for Those just Tuning in if You Will.

  • If You Haven’t Watched the Previous Meatsleep Videos in the Series We Highly Suggest You Go Back and View as all Videos are Posted in Chronological Order.
  • The Mystery is This: Are Meatsleep’s Videos a Bizarrely Disturbing Art Project OR are They Documenting The Life of an Actual of a Serial Killer?
  • Along with the Videos Additional Information Pertaining to the Mystery of Meatsleep’s Deleted Content is Included with Each Post.

           

Additional Information:

  • Not Only has Meatsleep’s Youtube Channel was Deleted so Was Meatsleep’s Twitter, and there No Record of Meatsleep being on Facebook (or any other Social Media as Far as We have Found).
  • We Mentioned in the Last Post that on Meatsleep’s YouTube Channel List there were in Fact 2 Names. The One We discussed Iwan Fals who Specialized in Focusing on the Negative Particularly Bad Shit happening to Animals. Allegedly Iwan Fals moved on and is Part of the Dark Web’s Infamous “Animal Nightmare” Site which Traffics in Animal Abuse, Neglect, and Torture.
  • The Second Name on Meatsleep’s since Deleted Youtube Channel List was Jordyn Nickum who Only Posted a Single Video.
  • Nickum’s Youtube Channel was Created The Day After Iwan Fals’s Channel was Established.
  • The Content of Nickum’s Sole Video was similar to Iwan Fals as it Focused on the Story of an Allegedly Seriously Sick Puppy.
  • Unlike Iwan Fals Nickum’s Video’s Focus was on the Allegedly Sick Puppy’s Owner who was Soliciting Financial Help Online using a Site like GoFundMe or KickStarter (since She was claiming to be too Broke to Pay for the Veterinarian/Medical Treatment/Medications for Her beloved, But Gravely ill Puppy).
  • It wasn’t Long before some People started Claiming that the “Whole Sick Puppy-I Need Money” was in Reality a Simple Scam using a Puppy to Really get People Giving. People Question if the Puppy was in Fact Actually ill or if There was a Puppy at All (as the Woman could have easily just Snagged it from Anywhere Online/Social Media)
  • The Puppy’s Owner Recorded and Posted a Video in Response to all of the Negative Allegations, BUT She Never Mentions or References Meatsleep.
  • The Truth is the People who DID mention/Reference Meatsleep during this Ordeal where the Same People Talking Shit.
  • We checked and Nickum doesn’t have a Youtube Channel or it like Meatsleep’s has been Shut Down/Deleted.
  • We did Locate a Small Handful of Music Video’s that were Reposted by Several People featuring Artists like Def Leppard, The Cars, Seether, Audioslave, and Avenged Seven Fold for Example. The Videos are Simplistic as fuck as and is Reminiscent of a Karaoke Prompter.

Enjoy.

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Thanks for Watching,

  Presented By Les Sober

Dark Web Video: Abducted & Imprisoned Girl

Alright this Video is a Bit Different in We couldn’t find a damn thing Pertaining to it. No Information like when was it Posted and By Who or Has Anyone Uncovered Any Information or Possible Hypothesizes. This was a First for Us as We rather Pride Ourselves on Not just Providing the Video(s) Themselves, BUT Any and All Information We uncover About it as Well (Lets Face it Any Idiot can Post a Video and Call it a Day).

Now let’s dress the Obvious right off the Bat which is We all are well aware that the Internet is Full of a Great Deal of Bullshit. The Internet is the Embodiment of the Cliche “You Can’t Believe Everything You Read.” too a fucking T. There is so Much Bullshit it’s posses the Content Question is what I’m seeing/watching Real or just another Hoax, Joke, Art Project or Movie/Video Game Promotion?!

It’s for this Reason We pose this Question to Our Fans: In the Sea of Online Bullshit Nowadays wouldn’t it be Easy for Some to Post something thats Actually Real (and fucked up) without Consequence or Concern? What We mean is Since People have become so cynical Online They would just simply Disregard twitch an Automatic Assumption that it’s Fake. Point is No One would Question it for the Most Part thus allowing a possible real life Criminal to Avoid Capture. As for the small handful of People who think there’s something serious Wrong are dismissed as Nut Jobs or Conspiracy Theorists.

           

Also this is a Prime Example where People use 2 different Words interchangeably as if They mean the Same thing when they Do Not. The Deep Web and the Dark Web ARE TWO COMPLETELY SEPARATE THINGS. So whoever Labeled this Video did so Mistakenly as It’s the Dark Web that Deals in Some Seriously Sick Shit. As for the Deep Web it’s rather Benign consisting Primarily of Government Documents, Scientific Research Studies, and Other Obscure Academia.

There Several Aspects that Set this Particular Kidnapped/Hostage Video that separates it from the Heard. First off This Video is in Color, Not Black and White or Some Shitty Night Vision Crap Effect. The Video also Shows essentially the Entire room the You Girl is Allegedly being Held it. Usually in these Type of Videos most everything is Cloaked in Shadow so there little to No Additional Details can be seen by the Viewer. The Lighting in this Video is that of any Normal Room, again it’s not all Dark and Vague, You can see Everything in the Video Clearly for the most Part.

The Camera is also Stationary like its been mounted like a CCTV or Security Camera where usually the Camera work is Wobbly, Shaky, and tends to Jump Around all over the Place as the Camera swings around wildly between Glimpses of this or that. Lastly there is No Audio in this Video where usually in these type of Videos They Created utilizes Primal Screams, Whimpers, Crying, or smoother Sinister Sounding Noise Like a Metal Door Slamming Shut or some  Haunted House Shit like that.

           

Heres a Run Down of the Video:

  • Opens with the Young Girl Sleeping on the Floor in a Sleeping Bag.
  • a Box/Container is Thrown into the Room Startling the Sleeping Girl.
  • The Girls Sits Indian Style and Snack on Some Type of Food.
  • The Camera Cuts to a Later where the Girl is Staring into the Camera like an Exhausted Drugged Up Zombie.
  • The Girl returns to the Sleeping Bag.
  • The Camera Cuts again to a Later scene of the Girl with Her back to the Camera for some Reason.
  • The Girls begins to Write on Something.
  • The Girl then Holds up a Sign for the Camera that says “I have 2 days of Food Left There is No/Not Water”
  • Girl flips over the sign and I don’t know if the Video Quality is a bit Shitty (Blurry) or if its just a Shitty Service Here in the Woods. Anyway the Second side of the Sign Appears to Say Something to the Effect that if anyone sees this (her sign) to come Save Her. IT DOES say in the lower left corner of the Sign “Help Me”.
  • Then the Girl opens the Box/Container from Earlier.
  • Once She Opens it She flips the Fuck Out and Bolts to the Left side of the Screen where She appears to grab a Pole of some sort. She then Holds it like a Spear in a Self Defense Stance.
  • The Girl then abandons Her “Weapon” and runs full speed across the Room to the Right Side of the Screen. There She Scrambles in the Corner as if Trying to Climb Up to Escape Something.
  • She then makes a Panicked Plea to the Camera while Waving Her Arms, but without Audio We have No Idea what She is Saying.
  • Video Cuts Off/ Ends

So You’ll just once Again have to Watch and Decide for Yourself if You think the Following Video is just another Hoax/Art Project or Could it Possibly Be Real and Camouflaged by all the Bullshit?!

Enjoy.

Thanks for Watching,

  Brought to You  By Les Sober

Dark Web Video: Corpus Christus (Lobotomy)

Welcome to this Installment of Dark Web Video Featuring CORPUS CHRISTUS!

First off the Name is sort of a Shock Type Tactic as it’s a Play on the Latin Corpus Christi which translates into The Body of Christ, but that’s Not All. It turns Out Corpus Christus is in Fact the Stop Motion Nightmare By the wonderfully Demented David Hatch (Who Directed, Produced, and Animated Lobotomy for Hatch Films). Corpus Christus is actually Hatch’s 2005 Video Tilted Lobotomy with the Video’s Beginning and Ending Credits Edited Out. WE thought it Only Fare to Post Both Videos as Proof so Below You will Find Corpus Christus followed by Lobotomy.

          \

Plot: A Man going through the Aging Process is Tended to By a Series of Demonically looking and Tortured Mechanical Minions throughout His Life.

Possible Themes:

  • It could be a Religious Commentary about How much Horrible Shit has been committed in the Name of God.
  • It could be a Social Commentary about Battling /Coping with One’s Inner Demons or about not letting Your age Define You or Possible its about Regret.
  • It could be about the Aging Process in that from the Moment We are Born are Bodies are Aging, and as They do They start to Wear Out, Break Down, and Fail. That and with more Recent Medical Developments People are Living Longer than Ever, but How can We Keep Our Bodies Maintained trough a Longer Existence?!

Thanks for Watching,

 Presented by Les Sober

The Deviant Detective #7 Von Dire or Be Damned

“Like You Detective,” Otto continued,”I have little time to spare so Time is of the Essence in this matter You see. I will leave You with all the Intel You will need to Start Your Hunt, and Detective Please remember above all Discretion is Vitally Important while Dealing with as well as Resolving this Issue at Hand.”

With that said Otto drained His Drink in one Large Sip, Stood Up Quickly, and Handed Rock a Manilla Envelope He had retrieved from His Coat Pocket before Abruptly Leaving. Although Rock appreciated Ott’s Candor He still was a Little Taken a back about How suddenly the Conversation Ended. Rock Tossed the Envelope onto the Bar in front of Him with the enthusiasm of a Man who was just Served Divorce Papers. He flagged Manny down for another refill before lighting a Cigarette, and Exhaling Deeply a Token Sign of a Tired Soul. As Rock was leisurely putting out His Cigarette He noticed in His Peripheral Vision someone sitting down next to Him. Exhausted but still curious Rock slowly and deliberately turned to face the Person who had taken up Residence on the neighboring Bar Stool.

There sitting Next to Rock was a Petite Young Girl with Shiny Jet Black Hair and Piercingly Green Eyes who looked to be 20 years Rock’s Junior. Rock couldn’t Help noticing the Girl given the Circumstances in a Old Man Dive Bar She stuck out like a sore fucking Thumb that’s was for sure. Even Manny   who usually was infallible seemed enamored by the Young Girl He was fumbling and bubbling the Bottles of Booze He was inventorying. Rock found Himself wondering How this Girl ended up at Old McCoy’s when She should be at some Generic Sports Bar with a bunch of Annoyingly Loud Girlfriends and Their Dumbfuck Frat Loving Jock Boyfriends.

           

The Girl picked a Pretzel from the Bowl that was sitting next to Rock’s empty Shot Glass and Mulled it over in Her fingers as if in Deep Contemplation. Rock started to think of various reasons the Girl might have picked such an Out of the Way Hole in the Wall Like Old McCoy’s. More than likely Rock thought She was simply hiding from Someone like an Asshole Ex-Boyfriend or Perhaps She was hiding from the World in General. Before Rock had time to consider another possibilities the Young Girl became to Speak.

” Don’t think I was being Rude or that I’m a inconsiderate Asshole, but I couldn’t Help over Hearing Your conversation earlier with that Stiff and Stern looking Investment Banker looking motherfucker.” said the Girl without looking up from the Pretzel in Her Hand.

“COuldn’t Help? What the fuck does that even mean, it’s just a bullshit excuse People use so hopefully the Person They were ease dropping on Doesn’t haul off and Hit Them,” criticized Rock with Angry Frustration, “You eased dropped on My conversation because Your Nosey and wanted to Hear what We were saying. My Point is is wasn’t a fucking accident or freak fucking occurrence. You deliberately decided to Listen in plain and fucking simple that’s the way I See it.”

“That aside if You’re going Hunting for Someone on The Dark Web The Old Fart was right Your going to need somebody with some serious Tech Skills. Anyone can use the Dark Web, but finding someone takes a shit ton more Know How than the Basics.,” the Girl said completely ignoring Rock’s harsh criticism, “Like You said Anonymity is Key and lets face it the Dark Web is the New fucking Alaska for motherfuckers who Do Not want to be Found.”

            

“Look I’ve had one hell of a fucking Day so I assume this is where You tell Me why You’re That Person.” muttered Rock into His Beer Glass.

“Have You ever Heard of the Hacker Known as VonDire?” asked The yOung Girl Slightly with a smirk.

Now Rock may not have been the most Technically inept person on the Planet but that didn’t mean He was in the Dark by any Means. Rock had in fact heard of VonDire who had been the Center of Several Big Tech Hacking News Stories over the last Year or So. Aside from the List of Litanies the Media like everyone else had No Idea or Actual Information pertaining to Who VonDire was. The News had Reported a Variety of Allegations such as VonDire was a Member of the Hacktivist Group Anonymous until getting Kicked Out of the Organization for Conflict of Ideology. They had Reported VonDire was an Ex-Military Anti-Government Radical, a Anarchistic Tech Terrorist who Lived Only to create Chaos through Destruction. There were News Stories Alleging VonDire was the Illegitimate Love Child of Dark Web’s Silk Road Founder Ross Ulbricht (aka Dread Pirate Roberts) and an Infamous Drug Cartel’s Mistress, and that VonDire was a Hackers Version of Robin Hood targeting Corrupt Corporations and Billionaire Bastards.

It was all Here say because if Any One Knew who VonDire was or How to Track Him/Her Down it would have already happened, and been blasted across the Media Platforms like wild fucking fire. This Meant VonDire is as much of a Mystery as They were From Day One. Not to mention Rock wasn’t a Blithering Idiot or a Drunken Fool so He was well aware that the Shit People Say in Bar’s is simply that Shit People Say in Bars. Rock wasn’t impressed by the Name Drop and He sure as Hell didn’t have a single reason whatsoever to believe that this Attractive and Petite Thing sitting Neck to Him was a Wanted International Hacker. Seriously Rock thought to Himself was He supposed to Believe this Pretty Little Thing sitting Next to Him was the One who had been wreaking Havoc on a Global Level that’s fucking Certain.

            

“Look You don’t have to believe Me its doesn’t Chap My Ass in the Least,” replied the Young Lady,”It’s obvious by the Scowl plastered across Your well worn face You Don’t, but not only that You Don’t care either. What You Should Care about is the Man Your considering Working For Mr. Otto Van de Berg.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” demanded Rock gruffly as He grew tired of Talking to People when He had come to the Bar to Drink Alone.

“Well I’ll keep it sort at least for now since I’m aware Your Time is Precious,” countered The Young Lady, “The Van de Bergs Aren’t Angels They’re Devils. In Reality The Van de Berg’s are some of the Evilest, and most Revoltingly Vile Pieces of Shit to have ever been Regurgitated up from The Bowels of Hell.The Van de Bergs have amassed a Fortune since the Early 20th Century in Oil and Railroads. In the Beginning The Van de Bergs indulged in White Collar Crimes like Fraud, Tax Evasion, Insider Trading, Ponzi Schemes, Embezzlement, Wage Theft, Bribery, Labor Racketeering, Forgery, Copyright Infringement, Cybercrime, Identity Theft, and Money Laundering. The Whole Nine Illegal Yards as it were You see Greed is One of the Biggest and Dangerous Motivators of Man.”

            

“So They’re Wealthy Elitist Assholes, The Sons of Bitches of Bureaucracy Out to Finically Rape the World’s Riches on the Broken Backs of the Common Man.”commented Rock almost under His Breath.

“The Story Doesn’t Stop There Oh No the Van de Bergs started to Expand Their Criminal Repertoire first with Gambling and Loan Sharking. Next the Van de Berg’s branched Out into Arms Dealing followed by Them Entering the Drug Game. Then it was Prostitution, Human Trafficking, and Murder on a Massive Scale. At this Point if it’s Illegal and there’s money to be made the Van de Bergs are involved in it to some degree.” said the Young Girl with the Honesty of a Nun.

Stay Tuned for THE DEVIANT DETECTIVE #8 Coming Soon

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober (12:31am)

The Mystery of Meatsleep’s Deleted Content (32-40)

Welcome to Another Installment of The Mystery of Meatsleep’s Deleted Content featuring Videos 32-40.

  • If You Haven’t Watched the Previous Meatsleep Installments We Suggest You View Them First as all the Videos are Posted in Chronological Order.
  • The Mystery is are Meatsleep’s Videos a Bizarrely Disturbing Art Project Or are they the Chronicling the Life of an Actual Real Life Serial Killer.
  • Along with the Videos Additional Information Pertaining to The Mystery are Included in Each Post.

Some of the Pertinent Information Covered in Other Meatsleep Installments are as Follows:

  • Meatsleep all of Sudden out of the fucking Blue Made a Hasty Announcement that “It was all a Art Project and Fake”, and then Immediately Deleted all of Their Youtube Content.
  • Meatsleep under the User Name Sewnskin Meatsleep had a Facebook Page but it too has been Deleted.
  • Meatsleep technically has a Defunct/Abandoned Twitter Account again under the User Name Sewnskin Meatsleep. Nothing has been used in 6-7 years, and has only 6 Vaguely Cryptic which don’t provide any Information.
  • Is the Name Meatsleep mean anything example: Meat could mean Victim and Sleep could mean Death.
  • Meatsleep’s Alternate User Name Sewnskin Meatsleep possibly be a Reference to Homicidal Cannibalistic Serial Killer HorrorMovie Icon Leatherface?
  • Could Meatsleep Be a Cannibal as well as a Possible Serial Killer?

            

Additional Information:

On Meatsleep’s since Deleted Youtube Channel in Their Youtube Channel list was a person who went by or Goes By Iwan Fals. All of Iwan Fals Video Content always Focused on Something Negative Particularly Bad Shit that Happens to Animals. Due to the Animal component there is a Hypothesis the Iwan Fals is/was involved with a The Dark Web Website called Animal Nightmares which Deals Solely in Animal Abuse/Neglect in some Capacity.The Other Hypothesis is Iwan Fals and Meatsleep were in Cahoots as They were Working Together in some way. Did Iwan Fals create Their Youtube Channel as a Way to Collaborate with Meatsleep or is Iwan Fals in Fact Meatsleep either to Provide More Clues/Details or to Throw People Off the Trail who are Looking into the Meatsleep Mystery.

Now there 2 more Interesting Pieces of Information the first being if You Google or Search on Youtube for Iwan Fals who will find He is an Indonesian Singer/Songwriter. The Question here is what (if any) is the Significance of Meatsleep’s alleged Associate deciding to Use Iwan Fals as Their Username? The Last Thing pertains to the Title the Meatsleep Video longpig (#32) is a  Fijian Cannibal Term Designated for the People They Ate. The Best Example is the 19th Century Cannibal Chief  from Fiji Chief Ratu Udre Udre. Chief Ratu has the distinction of Holding the Guinness Book of World Records for the Morbid Record of being the “Most Prolific Cannibal” having Eaten between 872-999 People during His Life Time. Chief Ratu once was quoted as saying that “Long Pig is My Favorite Meal.”

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Thanks for Watching,

  Presented By Les Sober

The Deviant Detective #6: Dark Web Desire

Revenge was a Concept that Rock was more than Familiar with as Rock had sought Plenty of Revenge in His Life thats for sure. Thats How Rock got into the Detective Game to begin with in Fact. Rock had always had a Special Affinity for UnderDogs of all Kinds His entire Life starting with Defending Fellow Classmates from Bullies when He was growing Up. In Adulthood Rock had felt the need to Protect People from the Bullies that had grown up to The Predators Preying on Innocent Civilians. People fucking over Other People Never sat right with Rock.  Rock also harbored an Intense Hatred for all the Things He perceived to be Unjust in the World, and had No Problem resorting to Violence to Achieve His Goal No Matter What.

Rock also possessed a Volatile mix of Impulse Control and Anger Management Issues had made Rock’s Employment Record was Sporadic as Rock jumped from Job to Job. Rock would get a Job until He was either Fired for Acting Out in some Fashion, or He got board and Simple Up and Quit. Thus Rock’s inability to Hold Down a Job along with prolonged periods of Time between said Jobs made Him a less than desirable Job Applicant. The Time in-between were a Pause in what Rock considered long and extensive succession of shitty Jobs He had the displeasure of Doing just to Pay the Bills.

Rock had Never seen the Point in having a Job if You weren’t Your own Boss since Bosses tended to be Domineering Dicks or Greedy Ego Driven Assholes. The sum total of these Personal Components that Made Up Rock’s Personality had virtually Drawn Him to Detective work. He got to be His Own Boss so No Cowing Down to a Douchbag Office Dictator, He wasn’t physically constrained by being Trapped in a Mundane Office Building Manning one of Hundreds of Crappy Cubicles. With Detective Work Rock also could Champion Underdogs, Persecute Predators, Beat Bad Guys Bloody, and Pretty much Behave as He saw Fit. Rock wanted to remain Free from the Shackles of Corporate Life serving the God’s of Capitalism making Them obscenely Wealthy while the Works Struggled to make Ends Meat.

           

“I understand Revenge is a wonderful Motivator there is truly Nothing like It,” replied Rock Dryly as He was only mildly interested in what Otto was Talking about, “The Problem is the more Money someone Steals the Harder it is to Find them. More Money equates to More Options since You can Buy Anything as Long as You have the Financial Backing to Pay the Bill.”

“Well then it’s Lucky I know where My Nefarious Business Partner is currently Operating His Shady Business Dealings from,” said Otto in a slow and steady tone,”That Alone is a rather Large Lead as it will make Tracking His Movements, Location, Business Dealings, and Known Associates that much Easier. If Knowledge is Power then Technology Provides the Tools to Obtain such Power.”

“Alright Buddy Time is Money and My Patience is Short so You can stop talking like some fucking James Bond Character,” sighed Rock growing exasperated by the Ordeal,”Get to the Goddamn Point if You Please.”

“Alright as You wish I have No issue with being Direct,” answered Otto politely, “My Unscrupulous Business Partner has set Up Shop on the Dark Web Running a Red Room called “Do Unto Others” which is gaining Popularity among the Users of the Dark Web.”

           

“I know the Basics,” said Rock who’s interest was beginning to perk up at this point, “You need the Thor also know as The Onion Software to Access the Dark Web. That and You need to protect Yourself if You venture onto the Dark Web since there Undesirables of all Kinds so You need to Hide Your IP Address and VPN. From there You can access Hidden Wiki to see what sites are out there Lurking in the Abyss of the Dark Web.”

“Not to Shabby but You’ll need someone with Far better Technical skills but I’m more than confident You can Locate such a Person considering Your Line of work You must Cross Paths with Dubious Characters of all Kinds.” said Otto being as Frank as Possible.

“If and I do mean if I take the Job it won’t be a Hunt it will be a Fishing Expedition,” Rock said matter of factly, “I don’t have the Time, Energy, Manpower, or Resources to Scour the Entirety of the Dark Web and it’s insanely easy to Hide in the Shadows. I’ll need to Set some Bait and Lure The Target out of whatever cyber hole He is Hiding and lead Him directly to Me. How the fuck did You even find Out Your ex-business partner was on the Dark Web to begin with I mean that in itself is rather Impressive since anonymity is the Key element because for the Users of the Dark Web Privacy is Number One Principle.”

           

“Thats an Excellent Question indeed,” the Otto said in a Complimentary tone, “It made the Most Sense since My Partner didn’t have the Foresight to Keep His devious Plans a Secret. What I mean by that is He frequently would talk about the Dark Web which I believed to be a Sinister Obsession with Him. He was particularly fond of discussing how if He in fact committed a Major Financial Crime how He would Utilize the Dark Web to Help Him get away consequence Free.”

“Well it makes sense now that You mention it. He could instantly Hide the Money by converting it into the Crypto Currency Bitcoin thus erasing any way of Tracking the Cash through the Banking System, He wouldn’t have to pay the fee to Launder it, Theres No Way to track the Bills through Their Serial Numbers, and there No Banks to worry about poking around in Your Business.” commented Rock having become very Intrigued by this Possible up coming Case, “No to mention the Dark Web is ground goddamn Zero for Buying Fake Passports, ID Cards, Birth Certificates, and Driver’s Licenses basically if You can Counterfeit it You can Buy it on the Dark Web. One stop shopping for The Criminal Element. Also Operating on the Dark Web means all You need is a Computer and Your good to go it allows You to Stay hidden in a chosen Location without having to Risk the Exposure of Traveling in the Real World. Lastly like I said Anonymity on the Dark Web is the Most Important thing to It’s Users so No One will come nosing around asking questions or anything like that.”

           

“So there is No reason for Me to Explain as Your intelligent Man and have figured it out for Yourself which is one of the Reasons I wanted to Hire You in particular was for Your Deductive Reasoning.” stated Otto with an air of Satisfaction.

“The Only question I have left is How did You find out about Your Ex Partner had set up a Red Room,” asked Rock with Genuine Curiosity, “I’m additionally curious since I was under the impression that Red Rooms were just an Internet Urban Legend just another helping of Creepy Pasta and all that foolish shit.”

“I assure You Detective Red Rooms are Very Real,” answered Otto Ominously, “Very Real Indeed.”

STAY TUNED for the Next Installment of………

THE DEVIANT DETECTIVE #7 COMING SOON!

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

The Story of Dark Web Horror Game Sad Satan

This is The Story of One of the Most Infamously Notorious Video Games to Ever Hit the Internet Sad Satan. It all started on June 25, 2015 when a Guy named Jamie posted His Sad Satan Game Play Video(s) on His YouTube Channel Obscure Horror Corner. Jamie posted a Total of 5 Game Play Videos of Him Playing Sad Satan from Beginning to End (which are Showcased Later on in this Post) Sparking an Internet Sensation.

Sad Satan Spread Across the Internet almost Immediately like an Out of Control Wildfire to Say the Least. Users  around the World Scrambled Franticly to Download a Copy of the Controversial Sad Satan for Themselves. It took Next to No Time for the Internet to get Worked Up into Frenzy as The Rumors, Warnings, Conspiracy Theories, and User Investigations Pertaining to Sad Satan to become Plastered Across the Internet and Social Media.

This Resulted in 99% of the Users familiar with the Game on Any and Every Level to All Say the Same Thing: DO NOT ACTIVELY SEARCH FOR THIS GAME AS IT CONTAINS EXTREMELY GRAPHIC IMAGERY AND IS REPORTED TO HAVE VIRUSES/MALWARE EMBEDDED IN IT. And for that Reason there are Several Pixelated Pictures in Jamie’s Sad Satan Game Play Videos, But You Can’t Blame Him for Not wanting to Traumatize/Offend Any of His Subscribers or Violate Youtube’s Terms of Service resulting in Youtube Shutting Down His Channel.

          

When Jamie was asked Where He Acquired the Disturbingly Demented Game in the First place Jamie said a Link to “Let’s Play” of the Game was E-mailed to Him by one of His Subscribers (Who wished to Remain Anonymous). The Anonymous User claimed He Discovered/Found the Game on The Dark Web. Now I must pause for a moment to Address the Fact People use the Terms Deep Web and Dark Web as if they are Interchangeable which They are Not. They aren’t interchangeable because They AREN’T the same fucking Thing They are Two Separate Entities. Bottomline There is a Deep web AND a Dark Web and with that I Digress.

To Navigate through Social Insanity Surrounding Sad Satan I’m going Split THE FACTS and THE FICTION into Two Separate Categories. So where shall We start?! Just kidding We’ll start with the Rumors/Conspiracy Theories since let’s face it Sensationalism Sells.

The First Rumor I will address is the Most Prominent Question about The Game Sad Satan being WHO created such a Sinister Game?! Here at the Following Theories: Sad Satan was created By a Real Life SERIAL KILLER, It was Invented by a SATANIC CULT as a Recruiting Tool, It’s Cursed and Can/Will KILL Those Who Dare Play It. Then there Theories that Sad Satan was Created by a Victim of Child Abuse or an Actual Pedophile. Other Theories are Sad Satan was created as a way to Conceal/Sell/Trade in Child Porn, is a Commentary on Child/Sexual Abuse, a MURDER CULT created it for some Unknown reason.

            

Even More Theories include its used by The Authorities (example NSA) to Catch PEDOPHILES, Would be  KILLERS, DANGEROUS CRIMINALS, and DEADLY CULT MEMBERS as well as Other Criminals as Well. Also Some People Think Sad Satan was created as some Bizarre PSYCHOLOGICAL TEST or Evaluation Tool or perhaps a EXTREME Therapy/Treatment.

Lastly there Theories that Sad Satan is a TOP SECRET EXPERIMENT  or that It was created by The Government as a MIND CONTROL Tactic. Some Schools of Thought believe Sad Satan is a Military Desensitizing Program to Prepare Soldiers for the BRUTAL HORRORS OF WAR. Lastly it was Rumored that Sad Satan is Infected with a Advanced BOT NET VIRUS that can circumnavigate around Virus Scanners and Even Virtual Machines.

           

Now this is where it truly is hard to Separate Fact from Fiction when it comes to the Allegation (True or Otherwise) that Sad Satan would Utterly Destroy Your Computer with a Myriad of Malicious Programs. You see Jamie wasn’t Naive, Ignorant or a Noobie and He Obviously tested Sad Satan  checking it for Viruses, Spyware, Malware Etc. and Didn’t find Any. Also I Never found ANYONE with Anything close to Definitive Proof that Sad Satan was riddled with Embedded Viruses and So On. It’s easy to see though how this Rumor came to be. Everyone knows that there is a Threat of Viruses and the Like and that all new shit should be Scanned to make sure its Safe to Download/Play, AND the Fact that Sad Satan Originated on the DARK WED only perpetuated the Theory that Sad Satan was as Infected as a Two Dollar Crack Whore.

It is just a tad Ironic that Players began to Report Physical Effects Themselves while or From Playing Sad Satan. The Alleged Effects Suffered by Players include but are Not Limited to: Ocular Distress (mainly Prolonged Period of Blurry Vision or Acute Pain), Nausea, Vomiting, Seizures, Dizziness, Migraine Headaches, Panic Attacks, High Levels of Anxiety, Insomnia, Nightmares, Night Terrors, Psychological Drama, PTSD,  An Assortment Mental Health Issues (up to and including Insanity), Suicidal Thoughts, a General Feeling of Sickness that is Often Attributed to the Music played/used in the Game.

           

I also found a Few Miscellaneous Rumors to Boot. One is the Pictures of People that Pop Up randomly as You Play are ALLEGEDLY all Know PEDOPHILES, but there isn’t a Single Shred of Evidence to support this more outlandish Rumor. Also one of the more Popular Rumors is that if You Play or Own a Downloaded Copy of Sad Satan You run the Real Risk of Being Arrested. THIS IS UTTERLY FALSE You can Not get in Trouble for Being Curious enough to Download/Play Sad Satan though it is said the Authorities are in fact aware of the Game, and if that is True then They don’t seem to Care about Apprehending Anyone over it.

Now for here are THE FACTS Pertaining to the Game Sad Satan. By now most of You are probably wondering Why there so Many Rumors about Pedophiles and Child Porn (CP) and there are Two good reasons for this I will explain Now.  As I mentioned there are a Bunch of Pictures that Pop Up Randomly while You play Sad Satan. Unfortunately One of those Pictures is an Actual a Picture of Child Porn. This Fact combined with that toward the End of Sad Satan a Lowed and Distorted Version of The band The Door’s classic “Alabama Song (Whiskey Bar)” plays Eerily. Now its not the Song itself that adds to the Sleazy Creepiness of Sad Satan it’s the Fact the Only Lyrics from the Song are as Follows:

“Oh Show Us the Way to the Next Little Girl

Oh Don’t Ask Why

For We Must Find the Next Little Girl

Or if We DOn’t find the Next Little Girl

I tell You We Must Die

I tell You We Must Die

I tell You

I Tell You

I Tell You We must Die…”

          

Other Picture found in Sad Satan include (but Not Limited To) a Picture of Lady Justice, a Game Over Screen Shot, You Won Screen Shot, Four Pictures of Random People (the Alleged Pedophiles), The Child Porn Picture, and at Least Four Gore Pictures. The Gore Pictures are Four Real Life Pictures of DECAPITATIONS or SEVERED LIMBS as well as a Picture of Someone’s HEAD BEING CRUSHED under a Truck Tire. The Pictures are Disturbing Enough, BUT this is Sad Satan We’re talking about here so of course there’s a Twist when it comes to the Gore Pictures. The Twist is All The Gore Pictures are Not just REAL there of DEAD CHILDREN (Fueling the Pedophile/Child Porn Theories behind Sad Satan’s Creation and Purpose). It for This Reason the Game Play Videos included in this Post (and Elsewhere) have been Censored by Whoever dares to Post it again as to Not Violate Youtube or Anyone Else’s Terms of Service.

The Weird Music Playing at the Title Screen is a song called “I Love Beijing Tiananmen” by Kampflieder de that’s being Played in Reverse (Fueling the Satanic Theories). The Audio heard in the Hallways of Sad Satan are a Rhapsody of Radio Station Call Numbers that are again being Played Backwards. The Screams (Allegedly The Actual Audio of Victims of Violent Crime such as Rape) haven’t ever been Proven to Be Real or Fake for that Matter so It’s one of Those Decide for Yourself Scenarios.

           

The Version of Sad Satan that Everyone in the Know is in Fact a CLONE of Sad Satan simply referred to as The Sad Satan Clone. The Clone of Sad Satan is almost the same as the Original but with Subtle Differences. The Reason for this is NO ONE accept Jamie of Obscure Horror Corner has EVER Possessed a Copy of THE ORIGINAL Sad Satan. People have searched the Net far and Wide (Including the Dark Web) trying to Locate the Original Version of Sad Satan, But to No Avail. There is Believe it or Not a CLEAN VERSION of Sad Satan thanks to a Reddit User who edited Out the Offensive Pictures and replaced them with more “Acceptable” Pictures.

Now the Questions about the Possible Creator of Sad Satan that Aren’t Complete Speculation and Conjecture are the Following. Did Jamie of Obscure Horror Corner invent the Game? Jamie has been asked countless times by countless People if He was indeed the Creator of Sad Satan which He has ALWAYS DENIED. As for the People who Questioned Jamie They all seem to come to the Same Conclusion which is Jamie is telling the Truth and had Nothing to Do with the Games Creation. People have also wondered if Jamie was in fact the Anonymous Subscriber who He claimed E-mailed Him the Link to Sad Satan, and again there is No Proof to Back this Theory.

That does raise the Question in Some People’s Minds which is Could Jamie and The Anonymous Subscriber be in Cahoots, and are actually working Together. No Proof of this has ever been Discovered. Lastly there Those Who adhere to the School of Thought that the Anonymous Subscriber was the one who Created Sad Satan and e-mailed the Link to Jamie in an attempt to Promote the Game and to Build a Buzz around it. The only Problem with this   particular Theory is IF The Anonymous Subscriber did indeed Create Sad Satan and Sought to Promote it then WHY REMAIN ANONYMOUS? No One can give You credit if They have No fucking Clue Who You Are.

Well Thats Everything I uncovered about the Dark Web Video Game Sad Satan at Now for Least. Below You will find ALL 5 of Jamie’s Sad Satan Game Play Videos. Please Enjoy.

Hope You Enjoyed The Trip Down The Sad Satan Rabbit Hole as Much as We Did.

  By Les Sober

Quick Quiz Could Change Your Reality

Hello Reader(s),

If You opt to take the following Quiz Please follow these Guidelines:

  • Take Your Time. This isn’t some Convoluted Cosmo Quiz.
  • Think Over Your Answers. Question Everything.
  • BE HONEST. This is not some piece of Fluff Post.
  • This Quiz Could Alter Your Perception of Reality, The World, Humanity, Your Friends, Your Family, Coworkers, Significant Others, Neighbors, The Universe, Yourself, or Life & Death Permanently.
  • Pictures Have Been Added For The Purpose of Stimulating The Your Pre Frontal Cortex While Taking The Quiz.

For those reasons the ANSWER KEY won’t be Posted for a couple to a few Days as again it pays dividends to TAKE YOUR TIME, BE SURE OF YOUR ANSWERS, and BE HONEST (Otherwise Your Only Going To Fool Yourself, and the Quiz will be NULL & VOID.

   

1. Would You Ever Buy Something Off The Dark Web?                                                 A. Sure Why Not?!                                                                                                                        B. No Seems Like A Bad Idea.                                                                                                C. OH HELL YEAH, I’m An Asshole Who Lives Dangerously and Has No Fear Of Death!                                                                                                                                       D. OH HELL NO, I Don’t Want End Up In Prison.

2. Even If Its Prepared Correctly By A Master Sushi Chef Japanese Blow Fish or Fugu still has a 1 in 66 chance of Death When Eaten. Would You Ever Try Fugu?                                                                                                                                              A.  Yes I’ve Heard Its Tasty.                                                                                                    B.  No Thanks I Don’t Have a Death Wish.                                                                      C. I Know What Fire IS So I Don’t Eat Raw Fish. I’m An Asshole.                         D.  What The Fuck Is Wrong With This Red Lobster?!

3.When You Go To The Adult Store Do You…                                                                 A. Buy Something.                                                                                                                     B. Look Around Briefly And Leave.                                                                                    C. Realize You Could Have Done Your Adult Shopping Online.                             D.  I Don’t Indulge In Any Porn or Adult Store Merchandise, and I’m a Lying. I’m an Asshole.

     

4. What Kind of Pet Person Are You?                                                                                A. Rodents (Rats, Mice, Gerbils, Hamsters, Guine Pigs) Because I Forgot About The Black Plague                                                                                                          B.  Dog, Their Mankind’s Best Friend For A Reason.                                                 C.  Cat, They Were Worshiped Egyptians and They Had Pyramids so Thats Cool..                                                                                                                                               D. Fish. I’m a Simple Person Keeping It Simple.                                                          E. Bird. I’m a Masochist.                                                                                                         F. Reptiles. Dinosaurs Baby, Living Fucking DINOSAURS!                                     G. Unconventional (Pot Bellied Pig, Miniature Goat, Tarantulas, Scorpions, Hedgehog etc. I Was Born Without A Identity so Now My Identity Is My Pet. Also I’m An Asshole.

5. What Kind Of Motor Vehicle Is Your Type “Dream Car” ?                                  A. Sports: Speed Kills So Lets Die Fast!                                                                            B. SUV: I’ve Always Wondered What It Be Like To Be a Godzilla Sized Asshole.                                                                                                                                          C. Luxury: I’m a Rich Fat Bastard, and I Want The World To KNOW IT!          D. Truck: Bigger The Truck Littler The Man (Height and Penis)                         E. Motorcycle: Because Car Crashes Can’t Kill You Fast Enough.                         F. Moped/Scooter: I Like Motorcycles, But I’m Too Scared To Own One.

6. What Is Your Preferred Type/Style of Music?                                                          A. Heavy Metal: What I’m Middle Aged and Nostalgic.                                            B.  EMO: I’m Dark, Brooding, Deep and Clinically Depressed.                              C. Classic Rock: I’m a Hippy Hangover From 1969.                          D.Death/Black Metal: We Are All Going To Hell & I Have The Soundtrack!     E. Folk: I’m Heavily Medicated.                                                                                           F. Jazz: I Like Things That Sounds Like Schizophrenia Put To Music.              G. Pop: I’m a Mindless Commercial Lemming.                                                           H. Classical: I Like To Think I’m An Intellectual, I Listen To NPR.                      I. Punk: I Refuse To Admit Punk IS DEAD.                                                                       J. EMD: I’m a Bot.                                                                                                                      K.  Country: I Don’t Mind The Hypocrisy and Commercialism because I Like Horses and Playing Cowboys and Indians.                                                                     L. Talk Radio/Podcasts: I Didn’t Understand The Question, and I’m an Asshole.  

      

7. When Its Comes To Social Media Do You………                                                         A. I Check Once and a While, I Like Keeping Tabs On Shit.                                     B. I Check It Frequently and Often Because I Need To Stay In The Loop.          C. I Check It  CONSTANTLY I CAN’T AFFORD TO MISS A GODDAMN THING  D. I LIVE in Social Media, I’ve Fully Exited Physical Reality                                  E. I DON’T Check Because I Enjoy My Real Actual Life. Shove Second Life Up Your Avatar’s Ass.

        

8. What Kind Of Movies Do You Prefer To Watch?                                                      A. Horror: I’m a Sick and Twisted Little Puppy                                                            B. Action: Lets Blow Some Shit Up Already!                                                                  C. Drama: Because Life Doesn’t Have Enough Drama For Me.                              D. Foreign: I’m Profound & Worldly.                                                                                E. Rom-Com: Sometimes I Need a Break From Eharmony.                                    F. Documentary: Fuck Fiction I Want to Know What Is Really Going On in The World. Fiction, Save That Shit For Mordor.                                                          G. Mockumentary: Fuck Facts I DON’T Want to Know Whats Really Going On.                                                                                                                                                   H. Comedy: The Laugh More, Live Longer Philosophy                                              I. Thriller: I Like Being Scared, BUT I Can’t Handle Hardcore Horror.               J. Rockumentary: I Don’t just Want To Listen To Bands I Want To Know All The Behind The Scenes Shit Too!    

        

9. When I Drink I………                                                                                                             A. Shots! Shots! Shots!                                                                                                            B. Break Out The Beer Bong and Lets Party.                                                                  C. Have a Glass Of Wine With Dinner.                                                                              D. Have A Few Beers To Unwind After a Long Day.                                                     E. Go To The Bar and Shut That Fucker Down.                                                              F. Binge The Frat Life and I’m an Asshole.                                                                    G. Responsibly                                                                                                                            H. Like Theres NO Tomorrow and I Have A Hallow Leg.                                            I. Drink Like My Name IS Andre The Giant.                                                                    J. Drink Night and Day Because I’m an Alcoholic.                                                      K. Drink Cocktails Because I like To Classy Up My Boozing.                                  L. I Don’t Drink because I’m probably a fucking Alien.  

10. Where Do You Aquire Your Pornography?                                                               A. YouPorn.Com                                                                                                                         B. PornHub.Com                                                                                                                        C. Alternate Free Pornography Site.                                                                                  D. I Pay For My Porn Sites Like An Asshole.                                                                   E. Offline. I’m a Dinosaur and Still By Porno Magazines because I Like Reading The Articles.  

11. When It Comes To Trends I………                                                                                  A. Follow Blindly Like a Sheep.                                                                                            B. Make Sure I Conform To The New Trend WHILE Claiming Not To Be a Trend Follower.                                                                                                                          C. Follow Half Heartedly.                                                                                                       D. I Live To Trend, I’m a Hipster Asshole.                                                                      E. I DEPEND ON TRENDS I wasn’t Born With A Personality So I Need Trends To Define Me.                                                                                                                              F. Trends Are For Twats. I’m Not a Twat.

        

12. When I Smoke Marijuana I………                                                                                   A. Puff, Puff, Pass                                                                                                                      B. Break Out The Bong and Bomb it Like Bagdad.                                                       C. Smoke Straight To The Head By Myself.                                                                    D. Call My Friends and Bust Out The Bag/ Bust Out A Bag.                                     E. Smoke The Whole Bag From Beginning To End in One Sitting Like a Super High Hedonist.                                                                                                                            F. Wake And Bake BABY!                                                                                                           G. Smoke Socially because Hey Its Free.                                                                         H. Smoke Until I’m SO STONED I have To Hold Onto A Blade Of Grass To Keep From Falling Off The Planet.                                                                                      I. Smoke Like I’m Giving Cheech and Chong a Run For Their Money.                J. Smoke Like My Names Doug Benson.                                                                          K. Smoke Like a Chimney                                                                                                       L. Smoke Like I’m Trying To Smoke Colorado Dry.                                                  M. Smoke To Unwind After Work.                                                                                     N. 24/7 Like Snoop Dog.                                                                                                         O. Smoke Until The Tellitubbies Talk To Me.                                                                P. Smoke and Run Up a $600 GrubHub Bill                                                                   Q. Smoke Old School and Roll Up A Joint                                                                        R. Smoke New School and Roll Up a Blunt.                                                                     S. I Don’t Smoke Weed I Vape it and lecture People Who Didn’t Fucking Ask How Much Better It Is For You Than Smoking Weed. I’m a Self-righteous Asshole.                                                                                                                                         T. I Smoke SO MUCH Weed I Forgot How Much I Actually Smoke.                     U. I Don’t Smoke Weed and I’m Lying.

13. Air Guitar  OR Air Drums?                                                                                               A. Air Guitar: I Mean They Based The Widely Popular Video Game Rock Band Game on The Principle Of Air Guitar!                                                                               B. Air Drums: You Wanna Really Rock, DRUM SOLO!                                                C. Air Harpsichord: I’m an Asshole                                                                                   D. I play a REAL LIFE Drums/Guitar/Other Actual Musical Instrument.   

14. When It Comes To The Government I Believe………                                             A. Love Those Bastards, Good Job and Wouldn’t Change a Thing.                      B. Its a Necessary Evil                                                                                                              C. Its Time For a REVOLUTION.                                                                                          D. The System is Broken as Fuck, Scrap Current Model and Start Over.           E. Fuck Big Brother Period.                                                                                                    F. ANARCHY Live Free & Die Free.

    

15. When I Gamble I………                                                                                                        A. Play It Safe, And Stick To The Slots Like a Senior Citizen.                                 B.  I Set a Budget Before Hand, and Then Let The Chips Fall Where They May.                                                                                                                                                 C. Play Fast and Loose Because You Only Live Once so Fuck Consequences.  D. Play Like Your Auditioning For The World Series of Poker.                              E. Until I pass Out Or Puke From All The Free Fucking Drinks.                             F. I Don’t Gamble Probably Because I’m an Asshole.

    

16. When It Comes To Racists I Believe                                                                           A. Whole Heartedly In The 1st Amendment.                                                                  B. They’re Good People, and I’m a Trump Loving MAGA ASSHOLE.                  C. Racists Are Entitled To Their Opinion.                                                                       D. Racists Are Entitled To Their Opinion Even if Its Being a Bigot.                     E. Racists Are Fucking Scumbags                                                                                       F. My Favorite Game Is “PUNCH A NAZI”

17. When It Comes To Religion I Believe………                                                               A. There Is a God and We Should fucking FEAR HIM!                                               B. The Bible is a Moral/Ethical Historical Handbook Full Of Valid Advice.      C. God MIGHT Be Real So Better Play It Safe, and Go To Church.                        D. Heaven Or Hell Religion Doesn’t Matter To Me.                                                    E. I’m a Spiritual Person, Organized Religion is Man Made.                                  F. All Hail Mermenozoid!                                                                                                       G. Cults Are Cool so Whats Up With Scientology?                                                       H. Man Created God In HIS OWN IMAGE.                                                                        I. Take EVERY WORD of My Religious Text of Choice LITERALLY Because I’m a Religious Fanatic Like an Vile Evangelical.                                                      J. Science Over Organized Religion.                                                                                      K. There is Something Bigger Than Humans, BUT its Something Like The Universe or Nature for Example.                                                                                        L. The Ancient Greeks/Romans/Egyptians Had It Right.                                       M. How Would I Know About Religion I’m a Reincarnated Flat Worm.            N. See You In The Halls of Valhalla ASSHOLES!

    

18. When It Comes To Exercise I………                                                                               A. Believe My Body Is A Temple and I’m Its Maintenance Man.                           B. I’m just a Few Pounds Overweight, And Not That Out Of Shape so Steady As She Goes.                                                                                                                                 C. I Exercise Now and Then Basically Half Ass It.                                                       D. I’m Fine Buying Fitness Equipment, and Letting It Rot Covered in Dust In My Basement/Attic/Garage as I Always Have.                                                              E. I Love Exercising I’m a Gym Rat.                                                                                   F. I’m a Fitness Fanatic, I’m Running In Place While I Read This.                      G. I Need to Exercise, But Don’t Because I always Put It Off Till Tomorrow Like An Asshole.

   

19. When I Come To The Police I Think………                                                                 A. I Believe They Are In Fact Here To Protect & Serve Us                                         B. They Police Have Some Serious Problems That Need Correction.                  C.  Blue Lives Matter, and I’m an Utter Asshole.                                                         D. The Police Are The Biggest Criminals in America.                                                E. We Should Dismantle The Police System, And Reinstitute State Militias Or Wild West Modeled Sherriff’s Like Wyatt Eurp.                                                           F. The Police Are Just High School Nerds, and Now Have a Badge so They’re The Bully Now.                                                                                                                           G. Good Cops Are A Myth.                                                                                                      H. The Police Are Useless, Vigilante Justice Is The Only Way To Go.

    

20. When It Comes To Snakes and Spiders Which Are You More Afraid Of         A. Snakes: Obviously Remember The Garden Of Eden.                                             B. Spiders: They Can Crawl Into Your Ear, Lay Eggs, and The Babies Eat Your fucking Brain.                                                                                                                              C. Both Whats Wrong With You?                                                                                        D. Neither: I’m The Asshole Exception To The Rule.

 Brought To You By Les Sober

Written By: The University of Psychological Arts, The Synaptic Society,

& The Swedish Institute of Neuropsychology Research and Development.

 

Revised By: The Cerebral Studies Foundation & The Grey Matter Grant

Edited By: The Psychological Sociology Administration of Japan

Published By: InnerSelf Incorporated, Synaptic Storm,

& The Third Eye Institute for Developmental Cerebral Research.