Tag: Death

Saturday Slasher Cinema: SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE 3!!!

Well Considering We started Slasher Cinema (and this is the 3rd SSC) We though it Only Appropriate that We Present SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE 3!  The 1990 American Slasher Film Slumber Party Massacre (also Know As Captive Women in the Philippines) is Directed By Sally Mattison and Written By Catherine Cyran. The Film is the Third and Final Installment in the Slumber Party Massacre Trilogy.

                  

Brief Summary:

The DRILLER KILLER is Back for Part 3 of the Classic Cult Slasher Trilogy. This Time Around Jackie, Diane, and Martia are Three High School Girls Who Love to have a Good Time Partying like there’s No Tomorrow. When These Girls Party, They Bust Out of Their Bikinis and Break Out the Brews-But The Driller Killer is out for a Thrill with His Power Drill…and  He’s READY TO KILL! He’s Utterly Psychotic and Looking for Luscious Babe Bods to Murder and Mutilate, and He’ll find Them Too at Jackie’s Slumber Party turning it into a Blood Soaked Massacre!

Enjoy

We Hope You Enjoyed the Final Chapter in this Story of The DRILLER KILLER as Much as We Did.

Thanks For Watching,

Presented By     Les Sober & FYB

Short Horror Film Series Saturday: THE BLACK BULL INCIDENT (Ep. 1 and 2)

We here at FYB are Devilishly Delighted to Bring Our Fans this Insanely Savage Slice of Hellish Horror known as THE BLACK BULL INCIDENT!!!

SERIES SYNOPSIS: Longshoreman Jon Hader feels awful for Abandoning His Friend Tommy during an Incident Outside the Back Bull Pub in London. Meanwhile the World is Going To Hell around Him. The Black Bull Incident is an Original Animated Story Presented in the Style of a Graphic Novel, with Narration, an Original Music Score, and a Visual Effect which Blurs the Boundaries between the “Reader”, and the Stories on the Page. Delivered in Episodes, it Presents an Account of What Happens following the Emergence of some Sinister Pathogen which Leaves in its Wake the Full Horror and Malevolence of Medieval England when it is Released Upon the Unsuspecting and ill-prepared Modern World.

AESTHETIC STYLE: The Technique and Visual Format for BBI makes Use of Original Photographs (Stylized/Post-Produced/ Cut Out), it then Plays with Depth and Layering of the 2D assets to give a Three Dimensional Perspective to the Imagery through Parallax. Essentially it Pushes Scenery to the Background Deep in the Page, and the Action further Forward. At Time, the Technique and Story Additionally Breaks the Forth Wall.

  • THE BLACK BULL INCIDENT CREDITS: 
  •  Produced by Rob Wright
  • Story Concepts by Rob Wright/Si Wright
  • Narrated by Si Wright.
  • Music/ Sound-Design Rob Wright
  • Photography Rob Wright
  • Post Production Rob Wright
  • Presented by Kings of Horror

THE BLACK BULL INCIDENT– Episode 1 “Pretty Rough Around Closing”       Jon Feels Awful. He Decides to Head Back to Rescue Tommy, the Friend He Abandoned during a Fight Outside the Black Bull. An Unthinkable Scene Awaits…..

Enjoy.

THE BLACK BULL INCIDENT– Episode 2 “A Huge Spanner in the Works”              PREVIOUSLY IN EPISODE ONE: Jon Hader Suffered a Nasty Bite to His Arm in an Unprovoked and Frenzied Attack Outside of the Black Bull. Tooled Up, He went back to Help Tommy, the Friend He Abandoned during the Incident, but it was Too Late, Tommy was Dead. The Shock, or the Infection from the Bite, caused Jon to Pass-Out, Hitting His Head on the Floor, Hard. The Next thing He Knows…                                                                                                     EPISODE TWO: Jon meets Jenkins the Archaeologist during His staying the Hospital who tells Him about what was Unearthed at the Dig Site. Things Don’t Look Good, Particularly for Jenkins.

  • EPISODE 2 CAST:
  • Jon Harder: Si Wright
  • Jenkins: Keith ‘Dodgy’ Ellis
  • The Nurse: Nina Wright
  • Archaeologist: Rob Wright
  • Orderly I: Graham Cooke
  • Orderly II: Nick Gamble
  • Orderly III: Darren Talbot

Enjoy.

 

Thanks for Watching,

Brought to You By:

  Les Sober & FYB  

Another Good Man Is Dead

It’s a Truly Sad Day here at FYB as I found out Earlier Today that My Oldest and Dearest Friends Mike BlueJetSki Dies to Soon Last Night of Congestive Heart Failure. Ever Since I found Out the World Seems to Be Somewhat Off as if Reality has Suddenly gone Askew. Another Fallen Friend to Bid Farewell   to Another Death, Another Celebration of Deceased’s Life, Another Grave Needs Filling.

I’m not what You would call a Sentimental sort of Person so This is Far, Far, Far from any Biographical Memoire, but Alas I still have Shit to Say. I met Mike when I switched Schools right Before 9th Grade. It’s needless to say High School fucking Sucks, and Teenagers are Assholes so being an Interloper in a Group of fellow Students who have been fucking Classmates since fucking Elementary School. Mike was the First Person to approach Me and extend His Hand in Friendship.

Mike was an extremely Talented Self Taught Guitarist who I had the distinct Pleasure of Playing with in Several High School Bands with such as Burnt Toast, The Severed Heads, Rules of a Riot, The Satanic MC Collective, Shit Out of Luck, Far From Sober, and most Notably Stank Breath. Mike and I were part of the Motley Crew of Heavy Metal Loving, Pot Smoking, Underage Drinking Head Banger Slackers who’s only real accomplishment was Not Dropping Out or Flunking out of High School. For some in Our Circle of Friends that was a Tall Order I assure You.

           

Mike was also an Amazing Mechanic who was Born with a Natural Talent for Working with His Hands. I stopped by Mike’s Grandmothers House where Mike was Helping Her Clean Out Her Cluttered Attic. While Rummaging Through the Contents of the Attic Mike had come across His Grandfather’s Korean War Rifle. Now Mike had Obviously never seen a Korean War Rifle since He was Born After the Korean War Itself. It took Mike Meer Minutes to Completely Disassemble the Rifle, Clean it, and Reassemble it Flawlessly in Perfect Working Order .

During Our Junior Year of High School Mike’s Mother Started Dating since Sad to Say Mike’s Father had Died at an Early Age as Well of Heart Related Issues (The Kicker was He was on Medication that would have kept Him alive Accept for a Short Period He couldn’t Afford it and Paying the Bills. Talk about putting Family First and True Sacrifice.) a few Years before I met Him. Mike’s Mom was a Unconventional Character who was Honestly Quite Lonely and wanted Someone, Anyone really to Live out the Rest of Her Days With. After a long line of fucking Loser’s She impulsively Married a Southern Religious Fanatic and Old School Racist Asshole Don without Ever meeting Him in Person Prior to the Wedding (this was Pre Internet so They had to write actual Letters and Use Landlines to Communicate.)

Mike’s Mom suddenly announced one Day soon after Marrying Don the Dick to Dothan Alabama of all fucking Shitholes because thats were Don and His Family Lived, and They (Mike and His Siblings) had just under 2 weeks to get Their Shit Together before the Actual Moving Day. Again back in those Days there Weren’t wasn’t the Internet or Social Media or Skype so as I said communication could be Slow and for that matter inconsistent. The Only other Option outside of Snail Mail was Land Lines that Charged a small fucking fortune for Long Distance Calls. Being Teenagers Niether Mike nor I had any Money or source of Income so I could Move with Mike, and Mike couldn’t Move Back.

           

I did manage to Sell Enough Pot to Visit Mike During Spring Break to Don’s Dismay in Fact Don Claimed that if I came to Visit I’d “Bring the Devil to Alabama.” which being a Heavy Metal Fan and Teenager I thought was pretty fucking bad ass. In the End Mike’s Mom Divorced Don who became Mentally Unstable increasingly more and more as Time Passed. One Day Mike found Don sitting in the Kitchen with a Loaded Shotgun ranting about Murdering Mike. Mike tackled Don who was out of Shape and Obese and Wrenched the Shotgun from Him which He then locked in the Trunk of His car for Safe Keeping.

Mike was seriously one of the Most Artistically creative People I have EVER had the Sincere Pleasure of Knowing. Mike could Improvise like a Motherfucker No Matter what was Going On Mike could whip up a Song, Fictional Character, Short Story, or Movie Plot just to name a Few of Mike’s Natural Born Talents. Mike was the Ultimate Creative Collaborator the Synergy was fucking Insane like Two People living as One. Mike was the kind of Friend that We didn’t even Need to Talk, No verbalization Necessary to Communicate through just a series of Looks You’d know exactly what either of Us was Thinking/Feeling. It was Uncanny it Really fucking was. I image that being Friends with Mike equated to the Unexplained Link between sets of Twins.

Mike was also one of the Friendliest, Most Open Minded, Loyal, Caring, and Zen like People to ever walk the fucking Planet. I appreciated that being an Introvert who Spends Far too much Time in My own Head (sometimes to My Detriment) being Motivated by My Emotions. One of if not the Best piece of fucking Advice that has served Me well Over a Vast number of Years I got From Mike. I forget the exact Details other than We were Hanging Out in some Public Place, and I started to get Paranoid as a Motherfucker for some reason I can’t Remember. Mike Stared Me Dead in the Eye and in all seriousness said “Maybe what You think is going on ISN’T Going on because its all in Your Head??!”

           

Sad to Say that for Several Years Mike and I lost Touch until Our fucking Cliche finding One Another on (and it Pains Me so to Admit) Facebook back before Zuckerberg and I got into Our Battle of Wills. I will say this One of the first fucking things I did when the Bullshit FB shit happened I almost immediately exchanged Phone Numbers to Keep FB communications to a minimum. Unfortunately I ended up Abandoning Facebook which inadvertently lead to another Period of Separation if You will. Time went by and We ironically reconnected again on FaceBook, but it was Through My Wife who acted as My FB Middle Woman. From then on We talked several times a Month, but the Coolest Part was no matter how long it had been once We were reunited it wasn’t awkward or Weird in Any way whatsoever. Mike and I would simply Pick Up exactly whereWe left Off like No Time had passed at all.

My One and Only Regret is Not Seeing Mike in Person Face to Face since the Trip I took Junior Year to Visit Him. Technology has the Power to Connect, But it has No Personality. Some things can Only be done in Person there is absolutely No Technical Equivalent and Never fucking will be.

           

In Closing : I will Never Forget or Stop Missing My Dearly Departed Friend who I am sure is Giving Them Hell in Heaven.

Thanks for Giving a Shit & Reading,

By Les Sober

Animation Abominations: METACHAOS and HELL

Animation has Gone Far Beyond the Classic Limitations of Cartoon Animation  Ascending to Whole New Levels of Creativity and Ingenuity. We are Fans of the Following Talented Animators and wanted to give Our Readers/Viewers (whichever the case may be) a Chance to Lay Your Eyes Upon some of Their Perspective Work. Enjoy.

METACHAOS  by Alessandro Bavari

Bavari Explains His work METACHOAS in the Following Way:

“Metachaos, from Greek Meta (beyond) and Chaos (the abyss where the eternally-formless state of the universe hides), indicates a primordial shape of ameba, which lacks in precise morphology, and it is characterized by mutation and mitosis. In fact the bodies represented in METACHAOS, even though they are characterized by an apparently anthropomorphous appearance, in reality they are without identity and conscience. They exist confined in a spaceless and timeless state, an hostile and decadent hyperuranium where a fortress, in perpetual movement, dominates the landscape in defense of a supercelestial, harmonic but fragile parallel dimension. In its destructive instinct of violating the dimensional limbo, the mutant horde penetrates the intimacy of the fortress, laying siege like a virus. Similar to the balance of a philological continuum in human species, bringing the status of things back to the primordial broth.

METACHAOS is a multidisciplinary audio-visual project, articulated in a short film, a set of photography and mix-technique paintings. The purpose of the project is to represent the most tragic aspects of the human nature and of its motion, such as war, madness, social change and hate.”

WARNING: Some Viewers May Find The Following Videos to Contain Imagery or Content that Some Viewers May find Upsetting, Unsettling, Unnerving, Disturbing, Troubling, Objectionable, or Offensive. Please Enjoy.

For those Who May Be Unaware We Here at FYB are Serious Fans of David Firth So We Decided to Delve Deeper into Firth’s Horrific Body of Work.

The Only Way We could Describe Firth’s “Hell” is to use a Quote from Firth Himself pertaining to His Work:

“It’s a Nightmarish Stream Of Conscience” -David Firth

Please Enjoy.

We Hope You Enjoyed That Dark Double Dose of  Derangement from  Alessandro Bavari and David Firth as much as We Did. And as Always Thanks for Watching.

 Presented By Les Sober

Grave Robbing For Morons

Intro: This Video was Obviously Recored on a VHS Tape, and Who Knows how many Years it Took to End Up getting Posted Online. The Young Man in the Video seems to be Mentally Unstable or Perhaps Intoxicated, and has an Odd Stutter. The Young Man and His Camera Man/Lady have Never been Identified.

Is This Proof of 20th Century Grave Robbing or is it Someone’s Sick Joke?!

Watch, Listen, Think, and Decide For Yourself. Enjoy.H

Well That as Weird and Wild Food for Thought. EVEN if it is Fake it’s Disturbing that 2 People Know So Much About Modern Day Grave Robbing in the First Place.  Why would These Plot Pilfering Grave robbers going around Kicking in Caskets and Cracking Open Crypts?Possibly are They  Necro Cannibalistic Death Cult Members? Fans of Necrophilia? Is it a Corpses for Cash Operation? Do These Two Act as Cemetery Middlemen for Nefarious Dark Web Sickos and Psychos seeking Cadavers?!

We most likely will NEVER Know.

  Brought to You by Les Sober

The Human Hypocrisy in Death

Ever since Humanity Evolved the Intellectual Ability to Comprehend Death, that ALL things including Us will Die, and there’s No fucking Way around it. Due to the Fear of the Unknown (or in this case what May or May not lie Beyond in the Realm of Death) has Spawned everything from Organized Religion to The Exploration for an Actual Psychical Fountain of Youth.

All this Time, Effort, Money, and Concern in an Attempt to Cheat or Deny Death in the End. Forever Chasing The Ultimate Prize, the Trophy of Immortality.

There is though One Fate more Dreaded Than Death Itself, and thats To Linger barely holding on to Life while Sick, Suffering, and Wallowing in Pain.

       

So its No Wonder when it comes to People’s Beloved Animals once They come into Their Golden Years  or to put it simply They Become Four Legged Senior Citizens. Once Our Pets Succumb to the Ravages of Old Age, As Their Teeth turn to Shit, They Loose Weight as well as Muscle Mass, Arthritis Takes Hold, Mobility and Bladder Control become An Issue, Senility, Their Eye Sight Dwindles, The Hearing goes Deaf, and We Deem that as “Having No Quality of Life”.We make one of the Hardest Calls Ever.

It’s said one of if not the Greatest Tragedy a Parent can face is Losing a Child because You’re Not meant to Out Live Your Children .They Out Live You and thats the Way it Is. Now based on that argument Pet Owners go through the same feelings of Loss, Depression, and Hopelessness as Parents do when They loose a Child, BUT Pet Owners will Experience such a Life Changing Loss Many, Many times during Their Lives.

          

As Humans We have Empathy and Compassion for Our Aged Animals, and would Never want to Prolong the Life of a Pet when all it has to Look Forward to is Slowly Suffering as it Creeps towards the Light. That is Why Not Only do We have Veterinarians to Heal/Cure Our Sick or Injured Pets, BUT, Veterinarians Provide a Service that is Alien in the World of Human Healthcare and that’s Euthanasia. And the Reason We have Euthanasia is to Relieve Our beloved Pets from Any and All Further Suffering. We all agree it’s the HUMANE thing to Do.

The Story though is Far Different when it comes to Humans and Death. Human’s for whatever reason can Justify the Sickness and Suffering of Elderly Family Members in particular. When a Relative becomes Gravely Ill and Whose’s End is Imminent We want Them to Be Pain Free and as Comfortable as Possible, BUT WE WON’T LET GO.

          

We throw Time, Money, Diagnostics, Medications, Tests, Medical Machines, Surgeries, and Doctors into the Mix to PROLONG a Loved One because THEY don’t want Them do Pass. People are fucking Selfish. People tend to Act in Their OWN Best Interest (Basically “I don’t want So-N-So to Die”) rather than that of The Sick and Suffering Family Member.

This Behavior has struck Fear into Many a Person’s Heart. The idea of Being Bed Ridden, Muddle Minded, In Pain, Soiling Ones Self, and Inability to Bath or Feed Oneself Trapped in the Confines of a Hospital Bed basking in the Soul sucking Florescent Lights. No One wants to Languish like a Living Corpse plugged into Menacing Medical Machines unable to Decide Your Own Fate as You wait Praying for the Sweet Release of Death.

          

This Fear gave Birth to a New Trend if You will The DO NOT RESUSCITATE (DNR) MOVEMENT.  A DNR is often referred to as a “NO CODE”, an Advance Directive Document that Guides Medical Personnel to NOT PREFORM CPR or Otherwise try to Revive You/Family Member/Dear Friend if Their Heart has Stopped.

Once the Idea caught on DNR LEVELS were implemented which are as Follows:

Level 1: Stay in a Facility, and be kept Comfortable, BUT NOT Given Antibiotics or Other Medications to Cure You.

Level 2: Stay in a Facility and Receive ALL Medications AND Treatments possible Within Said Facility.

Level 3: To Be Transferred to a Hospital from a Nursing Facility, BUT NOT given CPR or Taken to Intensive Care.

Level 4: Be taken to a Hospital and Given ALL  Possible Medical Interventions. DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE.

Note: Level 1 and Level 2 Allow Someone to Die Naturally in Familiar Surroundings. Also Some States use Different Terms Such as:

AND: Stands for ALLOW NATURAL DEATH, used in End of Life Situations to be Clear that an End is Anticipated and the Natural Consequences of the Condition are Allowed to Proceed.

DNAR: DO NOT ATTEMPT RESUSCITATION, this should be Accompanied by SPECIFICS of which Forms of Interventions Can or Can Not be Used if One’s Heart Stops Beating.

The Moral to this Twisted Tale is This: Figure Out Your Personal Medical Wishes, and More Importantly MAKE THEM ABUNDANTLY KNOWN so They will be Honored.

       

(Note: Living Wills Don’t Mean Shit in the Medical World as there is so much bullshit Red Tape that Living Wills are Almost NEVER HONORED because the Hospital and Doctors have to Legally Cover Their Asses.)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober (12:47am)

This Post Wasn’t Planned.

The Post I did have Planned for Today got fucking Sidetracked, and as I drank some Beers on The Front Porch this Little Ditty Barged into My Brain. Sometimes Shit just Shows Up inside My Skull Spontaneously seeking Recognition and a Home. Enjoy.

Working Title: Come Here Conflict

I feel like a Fight

I just want to Fight

Something is Unsettling

Vexing Me Constantly

Antagonizing My Mind

The Impulse To Lash Out Uncontrollably

Without Real Reason

       

I Welcome Inflicting Violence

On Myself and Others

My Inner Sadist  is Not Alone

Without It’s Masochist

Both Feeding Like Parasites

Sickening The Soul

Growing Grotesque

I want to Bleed Profusely

To Live in Utter Primal Abandon

Embraced By Anger

Fueled By Contempt Feed with Disgust

A Clenched Fistful of Rusty Nails

To Crush Faces Along With Skulls

Spitting Venom and Spitting Teeth

As Bones Are Broken, Blood Spilled by the Gallon

Vengeance Gives Birth To Revenge to Vengeance Again

        

Watching Them Die By My Hand

Butchering Bastards and Slaying Sons of Bitches

Annihilating Abominations bodies Torn Asunder

The Cry’s of The Dying Facing Eternal Damnation

Mutilated Flesh of Mangled Corpses

Savagely Ripped Limb from Limb

Bathing in the Blood of Enemies

The Brutal Carnage is Glorious

Victorious

       

There Are NO WORDS HERE

Speaking Is UNNECESSARY

We Communicate With Only Our Eyes

Aggression Needs Alleviation

Just Like Everything Else

Time To Battle Back.

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (33/365)

Suddenly Dizzy turned to Lee, and surprised the hell out of Him which was Rare as Lee wasn’t easily Surprised.

“You ever Notice how a lot of times Someone You know Dislikes or even Hates Some other Person until that Person Dies, and as soon as the Person is Dead They aren’t assholes anymore? It’s as if by Dying the Person in Question is immediately absolved of all Wrong Doings during Their Life, and the People who Previously Bitched, and Talked Shit about Them Now have Nothing but Respect and Reverence for the Deceased Who when Alive was the very Person They swore was the Bane of Their Existence.” said Dizzy matter of factly as He finished Beer Number 4, and Ordering Beer Number 5.

       

Dizzy waited for the Bartender to return with His Fresh Beer before inquiring “Hey You got shit to do Today or are You free to fuck around Town , and get into some type of Trouble?!”

Lee thought to Himself and realized that He didn’t have a damn thing to do so why not see where the Afternoon would take Him.

“I got some time to Hang Out’n see Whats What.” answered Lee earnestly as He shifted uneasily in His Seat. Watching People was Lee’s Forte, and Interacting with Them Tended to put Him on Edge at First due to His Serious Trust Issues.

       

“Alright Dope. I’ll call My Buddy over at the Shitty Theater and tell Him We’re leaving are Cars, and He’ll keep an Eye on Them so They don’t get Towed or Fucked With.” announced Dizzy quite Energetically before requesting to use the Bar’s Phone.

This struck Lee as very Peculiar since People Now a Days all Live in Constant Contact with the Aide of the ever Prevalent Smart Phones so using a Business’s Landline struck Lee as Note Worthy. While Lee pondered this newly discovered Oddity Dizzy was engaged in an Increasingly Loud and Aggressive Conversation with His Buddy at the Theater over the Car situation ending with Dizzy slamming down the Phone Receiver violently several times for emphasis.

“Fuck I can’t believe there are People Born who will never know the succinct Satisfaction of Hanging the fuck Up on Some Douche by Slamming Down the Phone Receiver. Anyway He said He’d watch the Cars, He was just being a real dick about it is all. He’s a Moody little Motherfucker. Goddamn Temperamental Artist Asshole.” snarled Dizzy Seething with Frustration and Simmering in Contempt.

       

“Alright,” Dizzy continued having gathered His composure from His perviously infuriating Phone call, “Do You have any Bitcoin? Unusual Question, but Ride only Takes Bitcoin that’s the only reason I’m asking.”

“No I don’t own any Crypo Currency because I really don’t see the Point. What I mean is I know what Bitcoin is right, and I know how You can buy It. Then it starts to get Shady because for one where the fuck can You spend it outside of The Dark Web? I can’t buy fucking food with it or Pay My fucking Bills with it so what the fuck is it good for exactly?! ALSO the one question NO ONE has been able to Answer is HOW THE HELL DO I CASH OUT?! Where and How can I convert My Bitcoin into Actual Physical Cash?!” responded Lee now finding Him to be the one getting all Amped.

        

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK for the Next Breath Taking Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (34/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober (Posted at 12:31am Sunday)

The Black Metal Experimental Lyrics

I have been a Fan of Black Metal for some time now, and many Readers may have noticed I use quite a Few Black Metal Pictures in Posts. Some of My Favorites are Goatwhore, Nocturnal Depression, Silencer, Immortal, Mayhem, Dying Fetus, Burzum, Bathory,  Gorgoroth, and Dark Throne to name a few.

Over Time I have Noticed Black Metal Lyrics are all about Death, Doom, Destruction, and The Devil for the most part They don’t dwell on one particular Subject per Song, But rather They tend to stick to the Bigger Picture working on broader scale.

So I decided for shits and Giggles that I’d try My hand at Writing some Black Metal Lyrics so Here It Goes Ladies & Gentlemen………

       

Savages Feasting on Bloody Flesh of Their Foes

Slime Covered Slores Bay at the Blood Moon

A Secret Place of Lore where Cadavers and Corpses

Copulate to Feel alive Once More

Bloody Entrails ripped from Rectums

The Defiling of The Flesh

        

Devils and Demons engage in an Apocalyptic Orgy

Behold The Aborter Birther of Bastards

A Cemetery worth of  Mutilated Carcasses

Rotting in the Sun, Purifying in the Sweltering Heat

Vultures gorge Themselves on the Decay

        

Gouging Eyes, Tearing Tongs, Deafening Ears,

Parasitic Souls Languish in Lurid Lusting

The Things that Go Bump in the Night

Adorned with the Fresh Skins of Man

Enslaved in Despair and Soaked in Sorrow

The Maggot filled Mouths of Murderers

Blasphemously Born of the Kracken’s cunt

       

The Ender of times licks His Lips anticipating Armageddon

Damed Deities demand Damnation of the Abyss

Broken Backs, Severed Heads, Amputated Limbs

The Brutality of Burned Bodies

Eternal Torture in the Fiery Pits of Hell

there lies the Destiny of Humanity

Suckling at The Withered Tit of The Witch

What Fresh Hell is This?!

        

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

A Short Story With -No Working Title-

Once Upon a Time in the Small Village of Fuckery in the Province of Whorebitch lived a truly lovely Couple Kunt & Kunty Twat or The Twats as They were known in the Village.

Today was a Dark Day in the Twat Household as Their beloved and bit of an asshole Cat Mrs. Pickle Tits had in fact gone Tits Up during the Night. The Twats took the passing of Their cherished Feline especially hard since The Twats had always wanted to have Kids. Mrs. Twat had in deed gotten Pregnant Once.

       

The Night that She gave Birth having Eaten an Exorbitant amount of Canned Curry She thought Her Labor Pains were just a wicked case of Gaseous Indigestion and paid it No Mind.

After a Serious Bout of Busting Ass Mrs. Twat staggered  to the near by Bathroom to Vacate Her batshit Bowels. In all the confusion of  Mrs. Twat transforming into a one Woman Curry Fueled Shitnado had  failed to realize She had in fact given Birth at all. Mrs. Twat never having given Birth before  simply Didn’t Know what it felt like. Once Mrs. Twat had Flushed the Toilet, and stood up  She turned around (to take a sneak peek of Poop) just in time to see a Tiny Pair of Flailing Legs get Sucked Down the Drain.

       

(DO NOT FEAR DEAR READERS The Baby LIVED!!!  We will See The Baby AGAIN SOON!!! It’s Called Foreshadowing for Fuck’s Sake.)

So instead of trying to Bang Out another Baby The Twats decided to just get a Cat, and named it Mrs. Pickle Tits in Honor of Mr. Twats’s Dead Mother. Any Way Mrs. Pickle Tits had a Very Long and Illustrious Life of 27 Years, 27 Days to be exact with the Twats.

Mr. Twat as Per Mrs. Pickle Tit’s Last Will and Testament had Her Cremated, but having No Local Vet to help arrange the Cremation Mr. Twat preformed the Cremation by Himself in the Back Yard. Mr. Twat Removed the Grill from the BBQ, stacked a series of Logs in said BBQ, Placed Mrs. Pickle Tits on Top, Doused the entire thing in Highly Flammable Fluid, and Lit the son of a bitch up like the fucking Hindenburg. After 12 hours at a steady 2,700 Degrees Mrs. Pickle Tits was reduced to nothing but Ashes which Mr. Twat collected and placed in a Zip Lock Sandwich Baggie.

All that was Left now was for the Forlorn Twats to take the Long walk on the Cockstone Cobbled Medieval Road that ran through the Town that Ended when it reached  Mrs. Pickle Tit’s Beloved Open Bluffs. The Twats had a feeble Breakfast since They were in Morning before Mr. Twat put Mrs. Pickle Tits’s Ashes in His Pocket, and the Couple Headed Out to the Bluffs.

As The Couple Walked They passed by Many of the Villages Businesses and Shops that lined either side of the Ancient Village Lanes. There was Highball Haberdashery run by long time Friend of the Family Harry Balls, and there was Crotch Meats the Villages Butcher.

As The Twats walked farther On They Passed the Volunteer Non Profit “Mammograms for My Mammy!” Van parked on the Street giving Free Mammograms to any Villager who wanted One. Its true Once Village Resident Dick Fart had had one two many Pints down at the Villages finest (and only) Drinking Establishment The Rigorous Pig.  Proprietor and Sole Bartender of the Rigorous Pig Leland Lush’s family had been running for 17 Generations.

       

Well After Wild Night of Binge Drinking at The Pig (as The Locals Referred to the Pub) Dick Fart had really got a hell of a Drunk On as He really tied His Tits in Two that Particular Evening. Finally Leland cut Dick Off once and For all that Night He wondered onto the MMM Van and Drunkenly Demanded a Mammogram. So to Oblige The Drunk and Confused Mr. Fart the Technicians preformed a Mammogram using Mr. Phart’s Testicles in Lou of Breasts.

A few minutes into Their walk the Twats reached the Village’s Central Town Square where the Elderly Women of the Village spent Their Days sitting in the Sun Gossiping and Airing Out Their Crotches with the assistance of a Hand Fans. Mrs. Twat just so happened to see Her dearest Friend  Clitoris Coitus or Clitty as She was known in the Village sitting on in the Square Lazily fanning Her Crotch and bitching about Baking.

       

“Hello Clitty How are You Today?” Asked Mrs. Twat Politely in Passing.

“Oh Tis’ a dick of a Day so may as well fuck it.” responded Clitty crankily as the intensifying Heat of Summer had left Her Stink Ditch especially Sweaty.

“Ah Yes, Yes. Well We are off to Sprinkle Mrs. Pickle Tits’s Ashes over the Ocean from the Bluffs.” said Mrs. Twat who had become custom to ignoring Clitty’s obscene Life Lessons as the Couple resumed Their Walk to the Bluffs with Mrs. Pickle Tits’s Ashes in Tow.

The Twats had reached the Outskirts of the Village where the Octopus Processing Plant was located. You see Fuckery is the Number One Suppler of the World’s Octopus Spreed which was a delight  among Fans of Appetizers. Outside of the Processing Plant stood Jarvis Jerkoff (real last name Jeroff, but because He was know to be an asshole of a Human Being The Villager’s  reverted to calling Him Jerkoff instead) apparently pulling Crabs out of His ample Forrest of Pubic Hair. As The Twats passed by never taking Their eyes off the Odd Sexual Grooming underway by Jerkoff.

At one Point Jerkoff took notice of the Couple strolling by, and Glared with utter contempt at Them.

“You wanna save some Crabs for Your Dastardly Dinner You Pickled Pair of Pricks?!” Snarled Jerkoff seething with Disgust.

It was bad enough The Twats had just lost Their Precious Pet, but now having to take shit from Jerkoff the Village Jerk Off was too much for Mr. Twat to bare. What Jerkoff didn’t know was Mr. Twat was ExMilitary having Served 17 Years in the Queen’s Army, and so He was trained in all varieties of Combat. Mr. Twat without saying a thing, without uttering a single Syllable kicked Jerkoff squarely in His crooked cock which Mr. Twat followed up with then pulling Jerkoff’s pimply Scrotum up over His head.

       

Jerkoff completely blinded by His severely stretched out ball bag, and in a good amount of Pain from the Kick putting a King Sized Kink in His cock as well staggered around like a Drunken Zombie. Mr. Twat then proceeded to Grab Jerkoff and flip Him Ass over Elbows while holding Him around the waist, and before Poor Old Jerkoff knew what Hit Him Mr. Twat executed a flawless Text Book Pile Driver upon the already Hurt and Humiliated Jerkoff.

The incredible impact from the Pile Driver sent a Geyser of Violent Diarrhea Pungent Smelling Piss, and a fucked up Fountain of Jizz to explode forth from Mr. Jerkoff up to Eight Feet in the Air. The Twats continued on leaving the Unconscious Jarvis Jerkoff lying in a Pool of His own assorted Bodily Fluids.

       

Once the Twats had arrived at Their destination Mr. Twat removed the plastic sandwich Baggie containing Mrs. Pickle Tits’s Ashes as the Two prepared for the Final Farewell. Just as the Twats were almost finished Praying and were about to cast Mrs. Pickle Tits’s Ashes out over the Ocean They heard a noise. The noise was coming from the Cliff that rose a staggering 1,200 feet above the Ocean to form the exact Bluff They were standing on.

All of a sudden a Large, Webbed hand appeared over the Cliff Line followed by yet Another. The Two webbed Hands took hold of the Earth and with great effort and skill hoisted the rest of the Individual’s body up from the Cliff Face onto the Bluff itself. The Twats found Themselves staring in totally disbelief directly at a Real Life Merman sitting now before Them.

“It is I Otto AquaPoon Your Long Lost Son that was accidentally flushed down the Toilet into the Open Ocean. There a Clan of Merpeople found Me Floating Aimlessly on the Waves, and took Me in as One of Their Own.” announced The Merman with Gusto.

        

“Well it’s nice to see aside from the Dreadful Accident things worked out well for You Son.” said Mrs. Twat still in the Throws of Shock and Awe.

“You look to be a Fine Strapping Young Man outside of being Half Fish.” pointed out Mr. Twat doing the best He could to keep His shit together.

“IT IS NO ACCIDENT that TODAY I have returned to find You here. I’ve been watching You from the Wake and I Know Your here because your Dear Kitty Mrs. Pickle Tits has met Her demise. I am here to give Her the one thing You never gave me a Happy Existence.” said Otto Aquapoon confidently in a somewhat Ominous Tone.

Aquapoon snatched Mrs. Pickle Tits’s Ashes from His Father and regurgitated a healthy amount of Ocean Water into the Sandwich Baggie containing the Dead Cat’s Ashes. He took a minute to insure the ashes and Open water had thoroughly mixed before removing the Now Clay life Contents and sculpting an exact replica of Mrs. Pickle Tits. Once the Sculpture was complete Poontangler forcefully removed one of His Merman Scales, ground it up in His hands, and using a Reed like a Straw Blew the ground Up Merscale directly up Mrs. Pickle Tits’s ass.

        

Mrs. Pickle Tits immediately sprung back to Life completely Healthy and Happy. The Twats couldn’t believe the Resurrection of Their moments ago Deceased Cat. Before the Twats could even begin to comprehend what the hell had just taken place Poontangler dressed Them once again.

“Your Cat had Returned to You as I Promised. Now Father got Home and Shit Yourself Sane. Mother I want You to go Home as well Before I have to Slap You Sane.” summarized Poontangler who at the end of His sentence dove Back into the Briny Deep Never to be Seen Again.

The Befuddled Twats took  Mrs. Pickle Tits Home with Them where They had a Cup of Tea, a Shot of Brandy, and then Went to Bed.

      

(What I told You the Kid DIDN’T DIE, and that We’d SEE HIM AGAIN SOOn. I didn’t say it be a Happy ass Hallmark Ending did I?!  No I Didn’t.)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober