Tag: Death

It’s already gone

You
I felt you
Your presence calculated in my broken horizon
I wished you
Would vanish you distress the only one

As altruism slowly dies
This lock of hair lends its cries

Nefarious, the way you strike me in the face with it
Where death prays to be my solace
Time choking slowly on its way down
To asphyxiate my mind
Just let it all die
Let it all die

You hear the weak lyrics
Come out of her cheeks
Her mouth taped
Only bleeds
Cherish
Never wanting to know

She keeps her self crossed
Like a lady like her curtsy
Broken, not torn
Shattered maybe reborn
The best she can hope for is scorn

Lacking what time has to send
Living with no fear of end
The taste is what ends her prison
Yet it is already gone
The end can never be born

  By SpaceDog

Malice The Band That Almost Killed US All Pt 7: The Salvation & Damnation Tour Takes Off

May 1st: Malice boarded Their Tour Bus at the ass crack of Dawn and Headed for Their first Show of The Salvation & Damnation Tour in Portland Oregon which the Band was less than Thrilled about (One must remember this was long before Portland became a Hipster’s Trendy Mecca).

During the Bus Ride Malice’s Manager Harold Slickmann announced a New Album Concept he’d been working on with Guillotine Records. The Idea was to Record each of the 30 concerts and release them as Live Albums. Then once all 30 Live Show albums from the Tour were out Malice would release a “Best Of The Salvation & Damnation Tour” Compilation Album. Lastly when Christmas rolls around Malice would release a 31 Album Salvation & Damnation Tour Box Set complete with the Compilation Album.

The Band liked this idea because it was very low maintenance. No Studios, No Producers to deal with, No Editing, No ReRecording, No Fighting Over the Songs all They had to do is what They loved Best and that was Playing Live.

   

That Night’s Show at the Portland Supreme Sports Stadium started off with a Blast. The Crowd was beyond energetic, and Malice was on Fire as They ripped through song after song from the 4 New Records worth of Material, and They planned on playing Their older shit for the Encore. It would have worked out well accept for one major incident.

During the Solo of “Your Love is Heaven or Hell (I can’t Tell)” a Obsessed Fan ran out on Stage completely naked with a rather large Pipe Bomb strapped to his dick. The Band stopped playing as each member of the Band became aware of the Naked Guy with Explosives attached to His cock. That is They all stopped playing accept for Stevenson who continued to Solo is Ass off.

Stevenson’s cavalier attitude prompted then Bassist Maxi Padd to wonder over and join Him by backing Stevenson with a Brutal Baseline. This only excited the Naked Fan as now He effectively had His own Real Time Sound Track. Security was creeping ever so slowly towards the Naked Freak, but They weren’t happy that he was naked, and less than thrilled that His crotch was set to Explode as well.

   

The Audience watched enthusiastically unaware this was not a Prank that a Band Member was playing on Another. The Naked Fan was working Himself into a absolute frenzy as He started to Jack Off with the Pipe Bomb Still Attached. This caused Security, most of the Band and several of the Front rows (1 through 3) to duck for cover since No One knew if the Naked Guy Jerking Off would trigger the Pipe Bomb to Detonate.

This went on for several more minutes than anyone would have liked before the Naked Fanatic started muttering “Malice Rocks” over and over while simultaneously saying it Louder and Louder each time He said it. Then once the Man had reached the top of His Lung Capacity He Primally Screamed “MALICE ROCKS SO HARD THEY BLEW MY BALLS OFF!” and then promptly set the Pipe Bomb off.

A Large jagged piece of the Fan’s Skull flew and landed squarely landed in Stevenson’s neck causing Him to stumble around drunkenly, yet He never stopped playing during the whole ordeal. Maxi Padd in Total Shock, and abject Horror promptly dropped Her Bass and ran over to Stevenson in a attempt to help by pulling the shard of Skull from Stevenson’s Neck which is exactly what She shouldn’t have done.

   

With the Skull Fragment removed there was nothing keeping the deep gash in Stevenson’s Neck plugged up, and once removed Stevenson became to bleed profusely. A veritable Geyser of dark crimson blood like a Fountain that one would find in perhaps Hell. Stevenson bleed to Death in less than 90 seconds again HE NEVER STOPPED PLAYING.

Upon seeing Stevenson actually drop dead Maxi Padd was so beside Herself with Grief She committed Seppuku (also know as Harakiri also spelled Hara-Kiri) disemboweling Herself on Stage. Padd’s Body fell into the Audience where the Fans scrambled rabidly to secure a piece of the Padd’s body as a sick souvenir or Morbid Memorabilia.

Padd’s body was full directed and torn to shreds within seconds to the point that in the end all they could locate of Padd was the vast amount of Blood Splatter that was sprayed all over the Front of the Stage and Front Row.

   

May 2nd: With less than 12 hours before Their scheduled Show that Night in Seattle Washington at the renowned Thrillington Theater were faced with a familiar problem. The problem being the untimely Death of Guitarist Stevie “The Shill” Stevenson as well as Their Bassist (and Izzy Sane’s Girlfriend) in a tragic Fan induced incident the Night before in Portland.

Thusly Malice (at this point being just Sane and Rock) was once again tasked with replacing Band Members in a pinch. Malice didn’t have the luxury of time currently so They couldn’t hold Auditions or go out and Scout out Local Talent. Luckily Drummer Rock Harder had an Ace up His sleeve as it were. Rock had access to a very special phone number that He had sworn to only use if He absolutely had to, and Now He had to.

A Couple of Hours Later Rock reappeared with an important announcement, He had in fact hired BOTH a New Guitarist and a New Bassist in time for the Show. Not only that but the New Guys could finish out the Tour with Malice too since there was such a strict time requirement on this Tour (1 show a Night for 30 Nights.)

   

Singer Izzy Sane was intrigued as were Malice’s Management , and Legal Representation. Rock didn’t waste another minute and informed everyone present that He had in fact managed to land Ick and Ook Oakerlund who were currently between projects and Bands to boot.

Idk and Ook Oakerlund were Brothers who hailed from Norway, and where debatably the BIGGEST Black Metal Icons of the Time. The Oakerlund Brother’s had been in Some of the Most Popular and Controversial Black Metal Bands such as Skinned Alive, Diseased Cadaver, Jugulator,  Raping Christ, Sodomy, Nay Sayer, Rotting Entrails, and Festering Sores to name a few.

The Brother’s were also Known for virtually never speaking more than 3-5 words between them, and seemed to communicate with each other Telepathically (and NO They weren’t Twins if Your wondering). They also reportedly NEVER removed Their Corpse Paint even when showering where the used Tin Foil to wrap Their heads entirely while using drinking straws to breath. This way Their Corpse Paint remained in tact.

The Oakerlund Brothers met up with Malice at Thrillington Theater since They spent a majority of the Day flying in from Their Music Studio in Their adopted Homeland of Iceland. The Show went well but with the Dying and Hiring of Malice Band Members the Crowd was confused when Malice’s  Newest line up hit the Stage.

The Show was a success non the less though something was off with Izzy Sane who moped about the stage like a Heartbroken High School Freshman. This irritated Rock to no end as He thought it was highly disrespectful to the Fans in attendance. The Oakerlund Brothers seemed utterly oblivious as Ick and Ook played that Nights Set List flawlessly.

After the Show Sane was confronted by Rock who demanded to know what the fuck was going on. Sane told Rock He was still in Shock over the sudden and gruesome demise of His Girlfriend Maxi Padd the Night before. Rock told Him if Sane couldn’t handle it He should just do everyone a favor and quit since it was’t fair to the Fans if Sane couldn’t or wouldn’t be able to give 110%.

 

So thats exactly what Izzy did.  He quit Malice on the Spot and headed off for a Life studying the Mating Habit s of African Dung Beatle. Who asked why Izzy chose Dung Beatles He said it was due to the fact that He”Felt like total Shit”

May 3rd: Malice’s next Show was scheduled for The Arctic Polar Bear Club in Anchorage Alaska. The Oakland Brothers were excited because the stark and cold wilderness of Alaska reminded Them of Their Scandinavian Stomping Ground. Though both Brothers were bummed by the fact Alaska was so close to Canada that it had previously been part of it, and The Oakerlund’s despised Canadians for being so Happy, Welcoming, Friendly, Open, and Helpful as all these things were not at all BLACK METAL.

Before the Show The Oakerlunds got rip roaring drunk on Finish Moonshine, found a veritable recluse who had a Grizzly Bear as a Pet, went to see Him at his residence, and Wrestled the Grizzly. The Grizzly tapped out twice as each Brother ended Their Bear Wrestling Bout with a wicked Submission Hold (Ick using the Viking Vice, and Ook chose The Bloody Eagle).

   

Pumped up from Their Grisly ass kicking Adventure headed back to the Hotel to rendezvous with the Rock who had been searching for a New Singer for the Show along with Malice Manager Harold Slickmann. They pair had decided on a Local named Murphy “Thunderbolt” Gibbons who was fronting a Local Band called Inuit’s Revenge and made Him an offer. As it were  Gibbons huge Malice Fan and new all Their songs by Heart and was happy to Join.

Admittedly the addition of Gibbons helped ease the Local Fans at that Night’s performance transition into the New Line Up. 3/4ths of the Malice had been Killed (Maxi Padd and Stevie “The Shill” Stevenson) or Quit (singer Izzy Sane), and then Replaced all in the first 3 days of the current Tour.

May 4th: Considering the past few Days events Malice’s Manager called Guillotine Records to broker a deal that would allow Malice to take 3 Days off From the Road to Readjust and Regroup. With all the intense and abrupt chaos Guillotine was ready to Bargain.

   

The Deal that Guillotine and Slickmann was They would use Look-A-Likes for the Next 3 Shows ( 4 including that Nights Show) IF Malice consided to Recording the 4 Nights Shows worth of Material for the Albums in Lou of Their time off from the Tour. Slickmann reviewed the Deal to Malice over Brunch (which the Band referred to as Breakfast since none of Them woke up before 10:30 am on average)

Malice was thrilled to hear about the arrangement and all agreed that They would spend the entire Day recording so They could then have the next 72 hours strait to Themselves. Malice asked the Hotel’s concierge where the most promenade recording studio was located since no one was Familiar with Anchorage. The Concierge told Malice that Arctic Circle Studios was considered to be the Best recording studio in Anchorage.

Malice called over to Arctic Circle and booked the whole a Day’s worth of Recording time. After 23 hours and 47 minutes after entering the Studio Malice walked out triumphant having recorded all 4 Albums worth of material in a Extreme Non Stop Recording Marathon.

   

Malice spent the next 3 Days drinking at all the Local Bars, Elk Hunting, Learning about Inuit Culture, Facing Canada Intoxicatedly and screaming insults, and participating in Team Building Exercises.

May 8th: That Nights Show at the Sensational Stadium in Pierre South Dakota was a mega success by anyones standards. The three days the Band spent getting acquainted paid off in dividends.

The only issue facing that Nights performance was the presence of Mormon Protesters who were there to condemn Malice’s music as “Satan’s Soundtrack.

Upon arrival The Ockerlund Brother’s clashed instantly with the Protesters as They (as many Black Metal Musicians) despised and detested Christianity in all its forms. The Ockerlund Brothers taunted the Protesters by holding up Inverted Crosses, Drenching Bibles in Goat Blood, and hurling insults in Their native Norwegian. Finally the Ockerlund’s were escorted backstage to separate the two feuding factions, and end the confrontation as peacefully as possible.

   

As the Show raged on through the Night with Malice playing so intently passionate Rock repeatedly broke His Drum Sticks as The Ockerlund Brothers snapped string after string on Their Guitars. Murphy was so amped He ditched the Microphone in favor of SCREAMING the lyrics as loud as humanly possible. Malice ended Their set with Their huge hit “The Oral Moral” as the crowd surged excitedly singing along.

Malice ended up doing 17 encores that Night. During the Final Song Malice Played was “Frisky Kitty” which literally had the Crowd jumping up and down as the Fans became more and more enthusiastic.

What no one could have anticipated was that there was in fact a HUMUNGOUS Sinkhole sitting just a few feet below the Stadium Parking Lot. And No One would have ever know about the Sinkhole if it was for the unfortunate exuberance of the Fans in attendance.

   

The Fans ruckusness shook the ground mimicking a Small Earthquake which caused the shallow ground above the Abyss of a Sinkhole to collapse suddenly and quite unexpectedly. As a result of the Sinkhole Cave In the entire group of 117 Mormon Protesters fell into the cavernous Sinkhole to NEVER been seen again.

Ick couldn’t help himself, and made the comment that The Protesters had discovered an Express Route to Hell.

May 9th: Malice’s Tour Bus rolled into the parking lot The Excelsior Hotel in Saint Paul Minnesota just in time for the Hotel’s Complimentary Happy Time Cocktail Hour. During the Complimentary Cocktail Hour the Members of Malice consumed $1,157 worth of Tequila Shots, $2.289 worth of Vodka, $3,345 worth of Finest Whiskeys, $46,471 worth of Beer, and $593 worth of Gin.

When the Complimentary Happy Hour ended promptly at 6 pm on the dot Malice retired to Their Rooms and dark the Mini Bars dry. The Band then utilized Room Service to run up an Additional $128,992 on Their Tab. By the time Malice’s Tour Bus pulled up to take Them to the Show Each Member of the Band was 14 times the Legal Limit.

   

The Show was cut short only 6 songs in by The Minnesota State Police who had been tipped off that The Ockerlund Brothers had planned to Decapitate a Cow with a Customized Bovine Guillotine. The Police detained and hauled the Brothers off to the Police Station for Questioning.

By the end of the Questioning The Ockerlund Brother’s were cut free without being charged with a crime since the Cow wasn’t on the premises (the Cattle Rancher’s Cattle Trailer Hitch broke) the Giant Cow Sized Guillotine was classified as a Stage Prop.

Malice spent the rest of Their Night in Minnesota consuming Dairy Products until They all became Lactose Intolerant.

May 10th: Malice was summoned to Their Manager Harold Slickmann’s Suite for an impromptu Band Meeting. Slickmann had received a call from Malice’s Record Label Guillotine Records earlier that morning.

   

The Label’s Representative a Man by the Name of Gerold Spindle had phoned Slickmann FURIOUS after the Label received a Copy of the previous Nights Police Report. The fact The Ockerlund Brother’s had planned on using a Guillotine of all fucking things in Their Illegal Cattle Decapitation that there would be a highly Negative Association between the Band and Guillotine Records.

Thus Guillotine was Terminating any and all contracts with the Band effective immediately. The Label cited several breaches of Contract and again stated that the Label wanted NOTHING to do with an impending Scandal or Association with Malice. Guillotine ended the conversation by reminding Slickmann that They could but wouldn’t be pressing charges of Their own.

Slickmann was a man who fully believed in being prepared with not just 1 back up Plan but Numerous Ones to cover more or all of the Bases. Since Malice had had issue with Their previous Label Razorback Records Slickmann had devised a plan incase future conflicts arose involving Malice and Their Record Label.

   

Slickmann had already been shopping around for Other Alternate Offers from competing Record Labels, and had a replacement already in place. Slickmann had brokered a Deal with Rabid Records that if for any reason Malice wanted or needed a New Record Label that Rabid Records would have the first shot. And Rabid took the Shot and sure as Hell didn’t miss.

Rabid had the financing to keep the Scheduled Tour on the Road, Produce the 30 Live Concert Albums from the Tour, and They said it didn’t matter that Malice only played a total of 6 songs last night as They would still release the 6 song set as an EP in limited number (to drive up the Price and Profits.)

Malice signed on the dotted line and prepared for that Nights Show. The concert went smoothly and without a single issue or incident which was a well welcomed change. Malice took the Stage at 8 pm and Walked off stage for the last time that night at 4am the following morning. They’re Decathlon of a Concert SHATTERED the current American Record for Longest Live Show ( of 4 hours set by Bruce Springsteen) by DOUBLE.

   

May 11th: Malice spent the Day before Their concert at Stephen King Stadium in Augusta Maine Lobster Fishing, Clamming, Hunting/Trapping, and Binge Drinking. While in the Forrest Ook found a patch of Hallucinatory Mushrooms and picked them for later that Night.

Before the Show Malice was lounging around Their dressing room when Ook brought out the fat sack of Shrooms, and divided them amongst the Band who happily gobbled them down vigorously. By the time Malice took the stage They were tripping Their collective asses off not to mention teetering on the brink of Alcohol Poisoning.

The Ockerlund Brothers were so fucked up that They started playing songs from Bastardized which happened to be one of Their former Bands. Murphy was lit as well, but He was a Big Time Bastardized Fan and knew all the words to Their songs so He started singing along. Meanwhile Rock had no choice but to hang in and learn the songs on the spot in a true trial by fire.

   

As for the Fans they too were insanely intoxicated and didn’t seem to mind that they were at a Malice concert, Yet the Band was playing only Bastardized Covers.

Now while the Band and Audience thoroughly enjoyed Themselves Slickmann was worried about the reaction from Malice’s band new record Label Rabid Records would be once They found out that there was a concert but the song content wasn’t actually Malice’s.

It didn’t take long for Slickmann to get His answer. Slickmann was called to the White Courtesy Phone where a gentlemen calling Himself Boozy informed Slickmann Rabid had in fact become aware of the situation at hand, and had no problem with it. Rabid said they would simply market the Album as some sort of Themed Concert or some shit.

Slickmann was so relieved He ate a handful of Shrooms to Relax along with doing a Bottle of Scotch.

May 12th: Malice headed to Albany in New York State for Their show that Night at the Albany Amphitheater. The Show was going to be a bit different as Malice had been booked to play a Private Corporate Event for The National Nudists Network of North America’s Annual All Nude Fetish Festival.

Malice mulled around Their Hotel pissed They were in New York State and Not New York City until They took the stage at 7:30 that Evening. Unbeknownst to the Band or the Festival Promoter a wayward Hippy Through back named Dr. Ecstasy had been tail gaiting all day in the parking lot. While tail gating Dr. Ecstasy had spent His time using an Old T-shirt Cannon He had purchased some time ago to Launch Loads of Capsules (filled with Pharmaceutical Grade MDMA) into the large Crowd dispersing them throughout the entire evening’s Audience.

   

This made for a very Zen show that was until Malice played Their number One Power Ballad “You Stole My Heart”. The Audience was so overwhelmed by the tune a spontaneous Orgy erupted and spread through the Audience like a Sex Fueled Wild Fire. Before anyone knew it the Concert had transformed into LITERALLY the World Record Orgy with 1,500 furiously fucking Fans.

The Police had actually shown up an Hour before the end of the Show but had failed to shut it down prematurely. The Police had been held up slipping and sliding in Bodily Fluids to effectively do Their job. Luckily the Band left the stage, stripped naked Themselves and simple walked out of the Amphitheater without accruing any Criminal Charges.

May 13th: Malice arrived in Orlando Florida for that Night’s Show at The Forever Disney Theater located in the Disney World Theme Park. Malice was quite confused as Disney wasn’t exactly target audience, and the Ockerlund Brothers were enraged by all the Cartoon Cuteness calling Disney a Dismal Display of Deplorable People.

   

To add to the Confusion the Concert was scheduled to start at 4:30pm that Afternoon which was half an hour before Happy Hour which further angered The Band. The Band showed up at the Venue at 3:45pm for Sound Check. The Theater while sufficient is size was painted in vibrant Pastel colors and was heavily plastered with Disney Icon’s from a variety of Their Movies.

Needless to say The Ockerlund Brothers almost stormed off in protest refusing to play the Show, but were talked down by Slickmann who offered a Night of Boozing, Drugging, and Hookers if The Brothers would play the show.

Malice walked out on Stage at 4:30pm as planned to a dead quiet Theater. All the Seat were filled, but all the Fans were sitting in absolute silence. Malice was rather creeped out by the unyielding silence. Slickmann who was just as confused as the Band signaled Murphy to start the Show while he looked into what exactly was going on. Murphy struck up the band on Slickmann’s cue and launched into a lively version of “Luck of The Ladies”, and still the audience sat motionless and mute as a motherfucker.

   

Slickmann tracked down the Disney Rep in charge of scheduling and demanded to know what the fuck was going on. Slickmann wanted to know if this was some kind of joke like fucking Candid Camera (the OG Punk’d) or was this some asshole fucking with Malice because They didn’t like them or WHAT?!!

The Disney Rep named Kingsley explained to a baffled Slickmann that the concert was being put on as a Charity Event for the Silent Night which was an organization that worked with the Deaf. Slickmann more twisted than ever asked if this was in fact a concert FOR the Deaf to which Kingsley replied in a word Yes.

Slickmann was on the verge of a massive coronary when he exasperatedly inquired to why in the name of all things Metal would some one put on a Charity Concert at Disney World for Deaf People. It looked like a monumental dick move. Kingsley replied that the Charity believed that Deaf People shouldn’t be treated any differently than anyone else, and this concert was more of a Testimony to Their Motto than an actual viable Concert.

   

Regardless Malice finished the show, and though there was no indication from the audience went on to play 4 encores. Once Malice found out what was going on They too were confused as fuck, but still very glad They had played anyway.

May 14th: Malice found Themselves in Wilmington Delaware scheduled to play a show at Delaware River Fair Grounds. When Malice arrived They were met by a Gang of Neo Nazi Skinheads who had showed up to start shit. Apparently the Nazi Numbshits thought Malice’s music was Lame as Fuck, and The Band Members were Hollywood Pussies.

Regardless of the unwanted Nazi Nutsacks Malice managed to circumvent the Gang of Racist Assholes, and mad it back stage without a problem. Once Malice took the stage though the Nazi Scumbags rushed the stage in an attempt to beat up the Band.

   

Malice was ready and broke into an extended Speed Metal Version of The Dead Kennedy’s “Nazi Punks Fuck Off” which whipped the Crowd into a Anti-Nazi Rally as The Fans proceeded to beat the Holy Hell out of every last one of the Skindhead shitfuckers into a Free ride in an Ambulance.

Malice again wasn’t charged with any Crime or Criminal Behavior because the Neo Nazi Nitwits were obviously the unwanted aggressors, and Malice hadn’t actually physically in gauged the Nazi Numbskulls. That and fending off an attack by racist asshats with a Song amused the Cops to No End, and used it to antagonize Their Swastika Loving Prisoners.

May 15th: Malice spent the Day on the Road traveling to that night’s show at    The Tough Luck Club in downtown Austin Texas. When Malice arrived They skipped Hotel checkin and drove directly to the Club.

When Malice pulled up to the Club they were immediately unhappy with the Venues size. Malice felt that since Austin was a Major City that playing a show at a Smaller Club that only held 500 People was a fucking unjust and insulting.

   

Slickmann maned the phones scrambling to see if the Bands Label Rabid Records could possibly find a more fitting venue for Malice to play that Evening, but Rabid said they had been unaware of the insufficient booking. And since Rabid had only found this error out just a few hours before the show was scheduled to start there was nothing They could do. They did take the opportunity to shit talk Guillotine Records since they technically were responsible for the shitty booking.

Malice wasn’t having any of it and decided amongst Themselves on what to do about the crap situation They had on Their hands. Malice had talked the Head Sound Technician for that Night’s show, and found out there was in fact a Super Sized Music Festival put on by 104.4 Rock’n Roll Radio currently going on the Outskirts of Austin. In fact tonight was the Last Night of the 4 Day Festival, and thus would have the Largest Crowd of the event.

Malice promptly boarded Their Tour bus and drove over to the 104.4 Rock’n Roll Radio Festival leaving Slickmann behind by accident. Malice arrived and killed time before the Main Stage Festival Closer Spot was coming up Next by Smoking Crack and doing Tequila Shooters in the Port-A-Potties.

   

Once the Second to last Act (some band called The Local Yokels) were finishing up Malice made Their way to the Front Row shoving anyone who got in Their way to the ground. The Festival Closing  Act was an up and coming band on the verge of success called The Urban Outlaws. Once The Urban Outlaws strode out to start Their set Malice jumped the Security Barrier and directly up on stage.

The Members of Malice took The Outlaws instruments out of Their hands and motioned The Band Members off stage. Malice then announced to the awaiting audience that Malice had come to Invade the Festival, and take the Main Stage Hostage. Malice electrified the Crowd who thought it was a VERY METAL thing to do just showing up and commandeering the Stage like Malice had. And being a State that idolized Outlaw Culture the Audience gave Their full approval.

That Night’s show was the Highlight of the Salvation & Damnation Tour thus far as Malice Played into the Night only stopping when They eventually collapsed from exhaustion.

   

WELL KIDDIES Thats all for Now, STAY TUNED for………

Malice The Band That Almost Killed Us All PART 8!

   

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

The Death Penalty Should Be Abolished Its TOO Humane

I for once agree in My own Warped Way with the General Public in the belief that The Death Penalty should for all intensive purposes be Abolished.

Here is My Reasoning on the Subject:

I believe that yes one if not the number one reason the Death Penalty should be abolished because IT DOES NOT SERVE AS ANY KIND OF DETERRENT. I from the School that Believes that Bad People do Bad Shit BECAUSE THEY’RE FUCKING BAD PEOPLE.

They were just Born fucked up Destined for a Hard and Brutally Unpleasant Life before a Miserably Pathetic or Tortured Death (which will be likely premature). I know its Nature versus Nurture which lets fucking face it will be an unresolved Debate till the End of Time.

   

All I saying is There Plenty of People who beat the odds. They never gave up, They chose to NOT ACCEPT the World of Shit They Lived in, and FOUGHT TOOTH AND FUCKING NAIL to Better Themselves, Their Lives, and Lives of Their Family/Children. Instead of sinking into the Shitty Home Broken Home, Drugs, Abusive Parents, Dead Beat Dads, Alcoholism, Poverty, Abuse of all Kinds, Being Bullied, and all of the Other Afflictions forced upon People.

There are also Life Long Assholes who use EVERY ASPECT of Their shitty Life as an EXUSE to behave like a Scumfucker. Everyone has FREE WILL thats why even the goddamn Devil can’t simply Steal Your Soul (Thats why You have to agree to trade it/ give it too Him He can’t take it, and He’s the Evil that Breeds all the Other Evils. That goes to show You how fucking Powerful FREE WILL is as well as a Testament to its Power.

Its these Sad Sacks of Shit following in Their Sea of Self Pity, and Blaming of Others for The Misfortunes of Their Own making that I’m referring to. These hopeless fucks choose to NOT EVEN TRY to change instead opting for a “I’m fucked by Life for Life” Victim Mentality. That means anyway You look at it Their going to engage in Criminal Activities including those so fucking sick that DEATH is the only Suitable Sentence set forth by Society.

So They Question is What does Society do with Murderer’s, Rapists, Child Molesters, and Organized Crime for example? We all agree They must be Locked the fuck away from the rest of Us, BUT IS THAT ENOUGH?!

   

I’m over with the whole Sentencing a Murderer to be Effectively Murdered by The State bullshit (I’m tired of that unreasonable argument). To Me its NOT a matter if the Convict ultimately Lives OR Dies, BUT on How Their remaining time on this Planet is spent.

I believe that it should be spent Suffering. I’m talking about TRUE SUFFERING, Suffering to the point The Convict DOESN’T want to Live another Second, and would Welcomingly RUN into the awaiting Arms of The Grim Reaper.

   

I’m speaking of being TRAPPED in the Personal Hell of the Convicts of Psychological Making Torturing Them into Madness that Ravenously Feeds Upon Itself. There is NO ESCAPE from Yourself and thats the KEY, but I’m getting a bit ahead of Myself here.

Let Me take a Moment to Comment on the Death Penalty’s various forms of Execution, and Why I think they should be Outlawed.

Hanging: My Argument is its WAY, WAY, WAY TOO QUICK AND PAINLESS. When preformed properly The Knot of the Noose its secured between the C3 and C4 Vertebrae in the Neck. When the Convicted’s Body Weight and Gravity meet the Neck is Snapped and Death is Instant. Other Arguments sight POORLY EXECUTED (No Pun Intended) HANGINGS BY AMATEURS where the Convicted Person’s head was Severed or the Neck wasn’t Snapped, and the Convicted died due to Asphyxiation by Strangulation.

   

Firing Squad: Again My Argument is simply ITS TOO QUICK A DEATH AND PAINLESS. Remember the Executioners in this case are EXPERT SHOTS (Sniper Grade Shit) so each shot is a KILL SHOT bringing Instant Death. Fun fact about Firing Squads one of the Guns used in the Execution is loaded with BLANKS, and The Executioners know this. What the Executioners DON’T KNOW is which Gun it is that has been loaded with the Blanks.

   

This is for the Psychological Well Being of the Executioners. This way if an Executioner starts to regret what He/She has done They can cope with it by reminding Themselves that One of the Guns was in fact loaded with Blanks, and that Gun could very possibly been the one They specifically used. It creates reasonable doubt to a degree that it apparently works well.

The Electric Chair: While I have a Nostalgic sort of Fascination with Old Sparky My complaint is still the fucking same TOO QUICK AND PAINLESS. The Electric Chair coasts by on its Reputation and Portrayal in Television/Movies. Its not nearly as Horrific as its depicted to be. The First Blast of Electricity knocks the Convict completely UNCONSCIOUS, and the Subsequent Shocks cause Death through Stoppage of the Heart.

Others argue that the Electric Chair has failed through out time do to technical or electrical issues, but its a fucking Machine. Machines like People are far from fucking perfect so what the fuck would one expect?!

   

Lethal Injection: Here We go AGAIN, ITS TOO QUICK AND PAINLESS. The First Drug Renders the Convict COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUS while Subsequent Injections Indue Death. And Again Other Argue that Lethal Injection is too risky and can result in a rather shitty Demise. To that I Say GOOD let Them SUFFER AND SUFFER SEVERELY.

   

Lastly on the List is The Gas Chamber. The Gas Chamber has ALWAYS been the MOST PROTESTED form of Execution. Today The Gas Chamber is all but been banned with 6 States (Arizona, California, Maryland, Missouri, Mississippi, and North Carolina) Authorize the use of Lethal Gas as a SECONDARY METHOD if Lethal Injection can not be Administered, The Convict committed the Crime BEFORE a certain date or if They Convict Chooses the Gas Chamber as Their former Execution.

The Gas Chamber was Condemned for being CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT where it could take up to or over 10 minutes for the Convicted to Die. See The Gas Chamber works by Strapping the Convict into a Secured Chair, Closing the Air Tight Door, Administering the Gas, Convicted see the Gas coming and Hold Breath as long as possible, Convict Inhales Lethal Gas, Chokes/Gags/Drools/Strains, and then Dies.

  

I always thought the Gas Chamber should have been the ONLY Method for Execution in the United States since it was first used on February 8, 1924 to execute Gee Jon. I just don’t see how you can have a fucking DEATH PENALTY and then constantly complain about it being InHumane?! I MEAN ITS MENT TO KILL PEOPLE SO WTF DOES ONE EXPECT?! The words Execution and Humane shouldn’t even be in the same fucking sentence.

Now heres a TWIST I’m not going to condemn the Current Methods of Execution in favor of More Violently Horrific Methods as most People in My position tend to do. I’m am sick and fucking tired of the “Oh He killed 11 Women and Kids, BUT DON’T HURT HIM while/when your executing them.

     

My solution is SOLITARY CONFINEMENT for the Convicted Person. Currently because of Human Rights issues (I’m sorry you rape, kill or Molest FUCK YOUR RIGHTS They were forfeited at the time of the Crime) Convicts in Solitary Confinement are locked in Their Cell 23 Hours a Day with one Hour designated for Showering/Yard Time.

My Version is a bit Different in its design. First the Convict would be in Their cell 24 hours a day 6 days a week. On Sunday the Convict would be blindfolded (so They can’t see, speak or signal another Convict) and lead to a Solitary Confinement outside Cell. The Exterior Cell would be 4 Cement Walls with an elevated Roof so the Convicts couldn’t see outside, the Prison Yard or even the Sky.

    

The Convict’s Door and Cell shouldn’t have even the smallest of Windows as the Convict shouldn’t be able to see anything accept the inside of Their Cell. The Convicts would be prohibited from making or receiving Phone calls, Magazines and Books would be considered Contraband, and Radio’s and Televisions forbidden. Also all writing and Art supplies wouldn’t be allowed either. The Convicts Lights would be on for 12 Hours and off for 12 hours per day. The Convicts wouldn’t have access to Clocks so that They have no idea the Time, Day or Date this is also the reason for Cells not having Windows or Windows in the Cell Doors.

   

The isolation becomes crippling, and the Convict literally reaches the point where They can’t live with Themselves Haunted relentlessly and constantly by Their Misdeeds and Nightmares. Reality Fades as the line between Sanity and Madness becomes blurrier and blurrier. The Convict starts to suffer from Insomnia, Suicidal Thoughts, Erratic Behavior,Acute Anxiety, Abnormal Aggression,Paranoia that then give way to Auditory and Visual Hallucinations.  The Convict Spirals down the Rabbit Hole to Their Own Personal Hell until They Pray for Death LONG before the Die.

Thanks for Reading,

   By Les Sober

1,001 Words of Insanity

The Maggots dance in the Rancid, Rotting Flesh of a Damned Nation showered in Shit. Fuck Monkeys run amok fucking each other to STD ridden DEATH! Anger blazing into rage as I fuck the world silly with a rubber spoon, FUCK YOU BUDDY, FUUUUUUUUCK YOU BUDDY!

Eating hot shit sandwiches in Hell as Satan sucks Donnie’s tiny dick in a lake of fucking fire, towering fucking flames engulfing THE CITY OF FECES! Look up for no god shall be looking back just your own fucking demise. PLUNGED IN THE PIT ETERNAL ABYSS OF FILTH AND LIES!

The animals devour each other in fine dining restaurants, pleasantly popping pill after pill until their are Pharmaceutically FUCKED, BIG PHARMA IS NOW YOUR PIMP YOU PAIN KILLING PILL POPPERS!!

Commanding all Rapists to Rape their fellow Rapists to DEATH AND BEYOND! There is no power of man, of woman, of Human ITS A BULLSHIT COATED LIE! Pay me or Die, Pay Me or Suffer, Pay Me OR FUCK YOU.

 

Decapitate Hate watch the ruling Elite assholes dragged through the dirty streets being beaten mercilessly by the Enraged Citizens until they reach the GLORIOUS GORE of the GUILLOTINE. Hail the Queen of Hearts for OFF WITH THEIR SHIT FILLED HEADS! Lets the kids kick them for fun.

Frolicing in the BLOOD of Traitors, kicking the Corpses of the Corrupt King and his crooked court of conniving criminal cunts.

Fuck all the ignorance, fuck the unjust laws, your rules are broken as your fucking souls, the leaders failed to lead and thus shall decay in the shit filled swamp. FUCK AUTHORITY, FUCK THEM ALL!

Dirty Bastards battling Sons of Bitches for the vile victory over the brow beaten patriots, TREASON EQUALS DEATH its the ONLY JUSTICE for TRAITORS! Eat the Elite, Cannibalize their Capitalism, DEVOUR THE RICH ALIVE! Burn the mansions, sink the Yatchs, Reclaim their lands, remove them from their blood money, and watch them die before you begging for forgiveness while they gave NONE.

Horny Hypocrites consuming scandalous sex molesting each others children while drunk on shitty champagne and burn crosses on the lawn, THEY ALL DESERVE DEATH and its all they should be GIVEN.

6 feet under for their sin, let them suffer, let them squirm in anguish, their misery delights me, I smile wider the more of the corrupt get killed. Place their severed heads on Pikes and HOLD THEM HIGH!

Money molests the minds of man and excites their malicious malevolence, Capitalism is a death sentence FUCK LIFE WE ALL DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! I can’t witness this monstrosity of monstrous madmen, I GAUGE OUT MY EYES ITS PROVIDES RELIEF I can no longer see the Tragedy of Terror, the shit show of hanious horror, the demise of mankind is in itself BLIND!

Ignorant asholes wax poetic about shit they know nothing about the pompous pricks, the wannabe intellectuals hails the  PRETENTIOUS HIPSTER HOLOCAUSTS!! Trendy twats coveting their tech addiction and bullshit beards. Your Mustache ISN’T ART ITS JUST HAIR THAT GROWS ON YOUR UPPER LIP ASSFUCK.

Computers are pieces of overpriced, over used SHIT, ISO is the endless Anti-Christ, Amazon Ate America, Fuck Zuckerberg the millennial Motherfucker, Vacant minded Silicon Vally Vixens whoring Apps inlet of ass, Computers are flawed as the people who use or create the fucking vile stack of hot fucking shitcakes.

Your diploma is a SCAM, a piece of paper that is ultimately just that A LOWLY PEICE OF PAPER. Your no better or smarter than anyone you just paid for the info and that doesn’t make you smarter than others it makes YOU A FUCKING MORON who spent 4 years doling out fistfuls of cash for a diploma and NO FUCKING JOBS when you graduate.

        

Music IS SHIT, FILM IS FUCKED, ART IS DEAD. Books are Bastardized digitally. LEAVE ME CUNTS, LEAVE ME ALONE TO DETEST YOU, MOCK YOU, SHIT ON YOU. I HATE YOUR EXISTENCE.

Save the World by Killing Yourself, Mankind are glorified fucking parasites, eating, fucking and shitting our way through existence. Humans are MORONS masquerading as Educated assclowns.  WE DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW A GODDAMN THING DO WE, DO WE?!!!

Its all a “educated” guess, calculated risk, smoke and mirrors in a piece of shit Pony Show. There is no Fate, fate fucked us all. Destiny is a Dumbass. The Universe is a giant cosmic Vagina that birthed the bastard Mankind to destroy it all.

Power is nothing, control is an outdated concept, DO YOUR FUCKING JOB, is that too much too ask for fucking fuck’s sake. Your just another sack of fucking flesh filled with various organs and a nervous system SO FUCKING WHAT, WHATS SO FUCK SPLENDID ABOUT THAT EXACTLY?

Oh what fucking fun it is no to be a goddamn Jelly -fucking -Fish theres an scientific biological accomplishment WHAT A LOAD OF HORSESHIT. FUCK THE END, I EMBRACE THE NEW OF BEGINNING!

Time is a TOOL used to deprive Humans of their fucking LIVES, make money to pay bullshit bills and tyrannical taxes, they monetize your life to CONTROL YOU, MONEY YA CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT, and they designed it that fucking way, FOR THEIR LUXURIOUS LEISURE dancing on the broken backs of a Society of SHIT, FUCK RESISTANCE! CHAMPION REVOLUTION!

Its broken so BURN IT and BUILD ANEW! The unknown is NOT to be FEARED for change can save this sinking shit ship. OUT WITH THE OLD ASSHOLE WAYS! Welcome in THE NEW WAY.

Scrape the Shit System, Destruction of all Institutions, Kill the Courts, Punish the piece of shit Politicians, CRUCIFY THEM ON HE FRONT LAWN watch their putrid carcasses picked clean by Blasphemous Buzzards and Vulgar Vultures circling above.

        

The Old Way leads only to damnation no salvation in DEATH. Evolution will elevate humanity up from the steaming pile of scummy shit that We ARE FUCKING DROWNING IN as the uneducated cocksuckers wallow in their own filth satisfied to stay fucked because if its not affecting them then FUCK IT THEY SAY and FUCK THEM I SAY.

Thanks for Enduring,

 By Les  Sober 

The End of Abe

Adventures Abroad Alluded Abe as  He was Afflicted by Absolute Alienation.

Believing in the Brutal Beasts, and Brilliant Beauty that lay Beyond the Binding Borderline Abe Bested Blinding Boredom.

The Cretinous Creatures Creeping in the Caves and Contorted Crevasses of the Canyon Passes Contorted Continually in the Cramped Confines of Abe’s Addled Cranium.

Death, Doom, and the Destruction of Dueling Damnations Dwelling in the Dark planning Travelers Dastardly Demented Demise a truly Dire Downfall. These Damnable Demons Did not Deter Abe’s Dedication to Defeating The Dreadful Doldrums.

Enraged Empires of  Eternal Enemies Eliminating Their Extravagant Evils  Encompassing the  Entire Earth. Enslaved and Entombed in the Elegance of the Endlessly Empty of Everlasting Eternity Elated Abe.

Fabulous Fantasy’s and Frenzied Fears Found Abe Floundering in His Fleeting Feelings when Faced with Futility, and Frantic Failure Found Abe Faltering Fast.

The Gruesome Greeting of the Gnarled Giants and the Greedy Ghouls Under the Governing God’s Grandiose Generosity Guided by Grief Guaranteed Abe Greatness at the Gregarious Gathering of Graves should He Go.

The Harrowing Heroism required to Help Humanity from the Hellacious Horrors that Hexed the Haunted Hollowed Halls of the Horrendous Hateful Horde remained Hidden from Abe.

Intense Interest leading to Illogical Ideas Illuminated In the Inner Insanity of Incredible Independence with its Intoxicating Introspective Ideology Irked Abe.

The Justification of Justice and its Judgement Jeopardized Abe’s Journey.

Knowingly the King kept a Kaleidoscope of Knowledge Keeping His subjects, His Keepsake’s Kainotophobia soaked in Kava and Kelter. Abe’s Kiang Kicked in Kippage like a Kylin preparing for Kriegspiel.

Lowlife Lingering Leaches Loitered Leaving the Lusting Lushes Lining the Lanes Liquored Leering in the Languishing  Low Light.

Murderous Madman and Monstrous Maniacs Marauding and Maiming, Mutilating, and Mauling all Mortal Men Making Moves to escape.

Numerous Numbers of Nauseatingly Noxious Gnomes Nastily Gnashing their Nails like Gnarled Knives Navigating the unknowingly Naive to the Netherworld.

The Outrageously Omnipresent Oppressing Overlord Observing, and Ogling Oddities Outside Ominously in Outrage looking into Organized Oblivion .

The Pungent Plague of Paranoid Predatory People Peddling Putrid Pickled Poisons as the Pragmatics Proudly Ponder the Plunders and Perils of a Perverted Purgatory.

Quartets of Orcs and Queasy Queens Qualms, Quarrels, and Quips Quashed Quickly over Quests and Quarter Quota.

Rabid  Reprehensible Rouges Relishing Repugnant Revelations of Riotous Revolt, and Raging Revolution’s  Rancid Retribution Fulfilling Repulsive Resentments against the Reigning Restrictive Rules.

Sinister Soldiers Sloshing and Slipping in Shit as they Sustain Their Sin through Slaughter Seeking, Succumbing to the Sniveling Smiling of The Smirking Snake’s Silent Salvation.

Terrifying Tyrants and Tyrannical Theologian’s Tremendous Triumph of Terror in Thriving Thieves a Terribly Tragic Trophy of Terror Thus Terrible Trepidation Throughout The Temples.

Abe’s Ubiquitous Unrest in Utopia Utilizing the Uniting of Unforeseen, and Ugly Unabridged Universal Undertaking that Utterly Undo the Undying Uniform Understanding of the Unknown Underground Escape.

Villanous Vixens Vomiting their Vastly Venomous Virtue Vanquishing the Vexingly Violent Vision of the Viking Vermin.

The Wildly Wicked Wizard Warlord’s Warrior’s Willfully Waiting for the Wretched Wonders of War  against The Wallowing Witches of the Willow’s Werewolves.

Abe’s Xenagogue’s  Xenium of a Xanthocomic Xenagogy readied his Xenization as a  Xyresic Xylotomous.

Yeagers Yaffling and Yauchle in Yagmiment’s Yallacrack and Yaw-Yaw  over Yakka as Yeverous Yellow-Yowling Yeggs indulging their Yird-Hunger fueled the Yoke-Devils until Yonderward.

Zabernism drove Abe to Zack, to Zaggle avoiding Zowerswopped Zed Zobs searching for a Zitella to join him in his Zigzaggery, and Zugzwang journey to a Zneesy Zwan to live out their days in Zwodder.

Note To The Reader: I’ll be quick. I know especially with the trickier Letters of the Alphabet such a XYZ it look as if I’ve gone all Dr. Seuss, and just started making up words as I went. This IS NOT the case.

GOOGLE any word I’ve used throughout for DEFINITION(S).

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Somethings That Rent Space In My Head

Throughout the day I have these rather random thoughts that just jump into the Chaos contained within My Cranium. I decided to write these 2 word to a sentence long tidbits of  creativity down as they came to me during the day. They are complied in a sort of sudo list from first to last, but run together back to back makes them even more interesting I think.

So without further ado here We Go:

The Banana Spider has laid Eggs in My Brain

These Poor People have No Faces

The Old Lady with Coupons is Killing Me

I am My harshest Critic By Far

If You spent time in My Head You’d go Insane

Dirt Road Dogs are giving Chase

The New becomes The Old

Narrow passings on the Edge of Accident

Indifference is Compliance

Mr. Mindfucker is at it Again

The Tangles Webs We weave when We try to Deceive

What the fuck is Really Going On

Trailer Park Psychotics

Futilely trying to Conquer Forces Beyond Our Control

Embryonic Evils & Aborted Faith

Disillusioned Illusionist’s ill Ilk

The Dark Cloud Dominates the Sky

Aggressive Apologies from Assholes

Fake Fucking Fake for It is False and a Fraud

Trapped in the Chaotic 3 Ring Circus of Humanity

Capitalism Cannibalizes Itself and We All Die In Vain

Like a Deer in the Headlights We freeze watching the Oncoming Death

The Morbidity of Maggots

There are Three Sides to every Story

Cerebral Symbiotic Shortcuts of the Mind

Everyone is Eye fucking multiple Screens

Converting the Remain of the Dead to Fuel Our Lives

We Too will be Biologically Recycled

The Weeping Willows can Cry No more

At the Core of the Curse lies Damnation

Who let this Lunatic out of The Asylum

Decapitate The Deplorable’s for the Guillotines Delight

Beyond The Coin We Barter

Lobotomizing the World’s Think Tanks

There’s an Exorbitant Price Ones Pays for Paradise

Snow amplifying the Silence

That Crackhead Kid is soaked in Squalor

Picking Labels off Our Beer Bottles and Minutes off Our Lives

Space is Infinite just like Thought

Uneducated Idiots will be lead like Lemmings to The Slaughter

If the Eyes are the Window to The Soul then some should Remain Shut

Who Kills Unicorns for Sport

The Pied Piper is Pissed the Rats ran off

Seeking Peace while Waging War

And The Barbarians are at The Gate…..

Thanks for Reading,   By Les Sober

The Views of Vikings

As I mentioned in a Liquor synaptic storm I mentioned  (in the previous post) that today I would be posting something pertaining to the Vikings.

First off Vikingistic is not a recognized word, but English is such a half assed shit language I see there no reason Vikingistic should’t be a viable word.

Vikingistic: Having the Attributes or Likeness to or of a Viking/Viking Culture/Viking Life Style.

Now on with the Post.

I think a brief refresher on exactly Who and What Vikings were in Reality. Over decades of Hollywood Movies and Television Shows have been given one hell of a make over/rebranding.

According to Movies/T.V. Vikings are portrayed as  Stoic, Brave, and Honorable Nomadic Warrior Explorers. This couldn’t be FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

Vikings in Reality were complete Savages who’s bloodlust was unmatched. Vikings spent their time Drinking, Fighting, and Fucking through countless conquests. Vikings were brutal Barbarians that raped and pillaged anyone or anything that crossed their path. True the Vikings were explorers, BUT NOT in the traditional sense.

Vikings unlike say Charles Darwin for example traveled far and wide to Discover new Cultures, Animals, Sea Life or Plants. Vikings did the EXACT OPPOSITE. Vikings traveled for one reason, and one reason only to Rape, Pillage, and Destroy ANYONE they might come across,(and take their land for Viking expansion and EnSlaving Women and Children that is if they decided not to butcher them for the sheer fuck of it.)

Vikings though (more than likely due to their Lifestyle) had a total acceptance of Death, They had no Fear of Dying. This has been immortalized in the saying “Today is a Good Day TO DIE.”

Now Vikings didn’t say that shit to look tough or like a bad ass before battle they said it for an actual reason.

Vikings believed their Nordic God’s had scheduled the exact time, date, and day of their Birth. AND Those same God’s had also scheduled the Time, day, and date of their Death.

Another Key Viking belief was that a TRUE (and only appropriate) death for a Viking Warrior was to Die in Battle. For if a Warrior died in Battle not only did he die an Honorable Death, BUT he would be rewarded as well.

The reward for dying in battle was that the deceased Warrior’s Spirit would be transported to the Halls of Valhalla (The Viking Version of Heaven/Paradise) where a Viking could indulge in all that he loved while living. This meant his Spirit would spend eternity Drinking, Fucking, and Fighting.

Bottomline: Vikings Loved Violence and Hedonism to such an extreme that even in Death a Viking could spend eternity doing EXACTLY as He had Lived..

Believing this apparently led to the total acceptance that death is inevitable thus one shouldn’t be concerned about it. This is the concept that I’ve been mulling over recently.

With My inevitable demise due to my shit heart, the Doctors who want to run me around like a fucking Lab Rat, and Still come to the same conclusion PLUS the fact now they want to continue to their Frankenstein shit cutting me open again I have to ask myself is it worth it?

Obviously Dying isn’t the only option, BUT when I ask is it worth this is what I mean. If I get all this medical mumbo jumbo done yes I will live Longer anyway you look at it. My question pertains to Quality of Life.

Is it worth all the bullshit, time, pain, and most of all MONEY if after I spend my life strapped for cash, living pay check to pay check barely scrapping by because I’m buried under mounting of mounting medical bills.

Point: Do I want to spend my elongated life utterly stressed out and poor as shit due to massive medical bills? Sounds like financial fucking Slavery to me. (“We’ll save your life, FOR A HEFTY PRICE.” that is so fucked up I can’t believe I’m typing it.) This is America and CAPITALISM has turned Life Saving Medicine into a FUCKING BUSINESS full of Greedy motherfuckers.

So were the Vikings Views on Death really the best way to deal with one’s Mortality? Who the fuck Knows, Not Me.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

Life and Death in Architectural History

For the most part most of people today are well aware that during the Victorian Era (June 20, 1837 – January 22, 1901) Society and People in Large were absolutely OBSESSED with Death. This led to a variety of practices that can seem by todays standards to be outrageous, Bizarre, Morbid, and just plain Sick.

Some of these unusual practices pertaining to Death in the Victorian Era were as follows. Postmortem Portraits meaning ( Note: prior to 1839 all Portraits were PAINTED by hand) the relatives of the Dead would dress the Deceased and stage them in in Life Like poses for a Photograph, Especially Infants and Children.

There was also the practice of Wearing the Hair of the Dead. The hair could be put in a locket or more commonly made into a piece of Jewelry such as Brooches, Bracelets, Rings or Chains.

Another was the practice of Covering Mirrors. Once the family member died all mirrors in the House were immediately covered. This was done because if a mirror in the House fell and broke it was a sign someone else in the Household would die soon as well. Also to avoid bad luck the clock(s) in the house of the Deceased would be stopped at the exact time of their passing. Lastly when the body was removed from the premises it had to be carried out Head First so that it wouldn’t beckon other members of the Living to Follow.

Now if SEVERAL family members of the same family died EVERYONE and EVERYTHING that entered the Family Home would be wearing a Black Ribbon to PREVENT THE DEATHS FROM SPREADING FURTHER.

For my last example I will use the practice of taking all Family photos and turning them face down. This was to prevent the Deceased’s Spirit form POSSESSING Relatives and Friends alike.

Back in the Victorian Era Funeral Homes had very little to do with Death other than selling Coffins, and possibly providing the Grave Digging Service too. So when it came to such things as a Viewing/Wake it fell solely on the Families shoulder’s.

Based on what we have seen by the first example (Death Portraits) you better believe a Viewing/Wake was deemed absolutely necessary, BUT the question was “Where the hell do we Keep and Display The Dead?!” Without the services of Today’s Funeral Homes Families would hold the Viewing/Wake (which could last several days) in their house.

Since you couldn’t display a body in the kitchen, Houses when they were built had a Parlor Room. This room specific and really only purpose was to display Dead Family for the Viewing/Wake. And yes the name Parlor was a shortened version of Funeral Parlor.

Over time of course Funeral Homes realized their was a shit ton of cash they were missing out in in the Death Service Field. Slowly Funeral Homes came to resemble those of today offering a SLEW of Funeral options, but most importantly They had their own Viewing areas for Wakes. Thus Parlor’s found themselves unemployed and thrown out on their collective ass.

The issue that confronted POST Victorian Era Architects (and Society as a whole) was the lingering stigma of The Parlor. As we all can image as long as houses were built with Parlor’s the vision of Dead relatives on display would haunt the room’s reputation until the end of Time.

What comes next is NOT AN EXACT nor ANYWHERE CLOSE HISTORICALLY ACCURATE retelling of how The Parlor problem was Fixed.

One day on January 1, 1901 the American Architecture Society met for a special conference that was being held for the sole reason of coming up with a viable solution for the Prevalent Parlor Problem. The conference was held in a small town of Mortuary located on the outskirts of Death Valley in Sunny California. They unanimously agreed at the time that the Town name and Location were quite appropriate, and if your going to have a convention dealing with Death best to have it in a beautiful Sunny State full of Bleach Blonde Surfers?!!

Any who the morning was a complete wash, no one could see to come up with even a half decent answer to the Parlor Problem. By Noon everyone’s blood sugar was in their ankles so the Mediator called 60 minutes for Lunch hoping after a good meal the Men’s mental faculties might actually yield a solution.

As the Conference was breaking for Lunch a young attendy (an Architectural Student from Erroneous University in Pluskin the East end of South Dakota) by the name of Eger Herberts over heard two fellow attendees conversation on the said subject of Lunch. One Man had asked the other where exactly should they go for Lunch today. The 2nd Man replied he thought Lunch at The Lively Leprechaun Kitchen and Bar would be a good idea. To that the First Man said “Ah Food and Drink under one roof now thats Living!”

Right then Eger had his Epiphany and immediately ran over a pushed the conferences Emergency Stop Button. Once The Emergency Stop Button was pushed all in Attendance had to Stop dead in their tracks, and await instruction. Once everyone was motionless and silent Eger announced his answer.

“What’s the OPPOSITE of Death? Life! LIVING! We rename it a LIVING ROOM, Thats POSITIVE as all get out Right?!”

After the Shock and Awe wore off it was put to a vote right there on the spot and as a result the (Funeral) Parlor was REBRANDED as what we know of today as yes a Living Room.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

The Angel of Death 10 to 1

Death can not enter It can only wait looking on.

Death comes quickly for those who ask for It.

Death takes both the Sinner and Saint alike.

Death does not judge those Who Die.

Death is Eternally Indifferent  to Humanity.

Death cares Nothing about Living.

Thats Not Death’s job.

Its Reaping Souls.

Filling Graves.

Forever.

Thanks for Reading.

Les Sober. 

Enjoy the Silence?

Silence is cherished by many people in this world. Personally I cannot handle it one iota whatsoever. That awkward silence when you meet someone new and realize they completely suck balls. When there is nothing more to say, nothing more to do. When you try and make small talk with someone (which I hardly ever do) and they give you that dumbfounded look or just a nod of the head.

Even in non-social situations I absolutely cannot stand it. I suppose I like the song Silent Night, but truth be told, the only holy nights I am having these years involves far different holes then the original song and mainly mine getting penetrated.  I can grow a very poor beard so I’m definitely not Jesusy in the least unless you prescribe to the theory he was a homo.

I more or less go with the Trump theory. Jesus is fake news.

Silence is meant for death. Now that also does not mean I want you to never shut the fuck up either. Those people have a special place in hell and hopefully are not very chaste because a dick in their mouth is pretty much the only thing that will ever get them to be quiet. I’d prefer it be a nasty dick maybe they will get some disease of the mouth, but nothing fatal, I mean I’m not a total bitch. Most STDs have cures these days.

I cannot wake up in the morning without hearing some kind of music within the first 5 minutes of being awake. If it even takes that long. Today it took longer. I got into a massive fight with Alexa. She can be a real fickle bitch at times. After about 5 tries of having her fail miserable, she got thrown across the room. She is okay and said she will not press charges, so I am quite the happy camper.  She really just do not seem to like my using my Spotify or playing music anywhere except out of her sorry ass speaker. At least she beat boxes better then me.

When I try and read something I have a real lot of difficulty doing so when there is silence. I mean I cannot listen to metal and read though I haven’t really tried. Quite possibly with some pussy hair metal garbage from the 80s I could but legit death metal would put me to the test. Honestly the more layers, instruments, words that are not screams, the better.

I feel a bit odd that I can do this. It’s probably not exactly normal reading and listening to music. I also tend to have a whiteboard by me at the same moment, jotting down randomness. It’s the exact moment I wish I had some kind of music talent as well but maybe I will tap into that some day as well. Because even though I am no longer a teenager, when someone says no you can’t do that to me, all I hear is a big resounding “Yes.”

Silence when shopping is one of the worst things in the world too. Seriously if I do not have my earbuds with me at the store when I’m there alone, I will turn around and the shopping will happen another day. I don’t want to hear your child, your musak, your rascal shooter, or about your hard ass day. Just stop,stop, stop!!!!

Maybe this is the millennial side of me. I’m kinda like a frosted mini wheat generationally speaking.  I think the proper term for it according to the internet is the AOL generation. I prefer to think of myself as generation fuck you. As in most of the time you are more then likely an idiot and while I really want to tell you to go fuck yourself, I will show restraint but only because the Jameson hasn’t paid me a visit yet.

So now I will sleep with the music blaring, reading a book by the candlelight, and with the TV on with close captioning so just in case I happen to sneeze I will have something to keep me busy for those 5.9 seconds it takes me to blow my nose. Please silence stay away.

By SpaceDog