Tag: depression

What The Fuck Is Going On With hmrSilence?!

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH hmrSilence?! So First and Foremost Who or What the fuck is hmrSilence ?Well it’s some Unknown Obscure and Cryptic Youtube Chanel the We came across Peering Down Rabbit Holes to see if Anyone is Home. hmrSilence Proved to be Something Rather Interesting So We decided to take a Closer Look into the Channel.

Now Obviously the Starting Point (and as it Turned Out Virtual Ending Point) by Surveying the Channel Basic Info Shit. When You Deal with These fucking Fringe Videos Long Enough You Notice Certain Patterns. So it wasn’t at All Surprising when the hmrSilence’s About, Channels, Playlists, and Community Sections are Completely Blank. We did Notice a Significant Difference Though which was Intriguing and that was that hmrSilence’s Home Page is Black with the Message “This Channel Doesn’t have Any Content” which isbn’t Exactly fucking True. If You Precede to Click on Videos then You Discover there are in fact 5 Videos in Total Posted/Uploaded (All 5 are Included in this Post). Whatever the fuck is Going on at hmrSilence it’s Moving at an Insanely Slow fucking Pace. The First Video titled 6996 was Posted 6 Years ago Sometime in 2016 and the Last Video Uploaded 66996 was Posted 3 Years Ago Sometime in 2019.

Before We get into the Videos We also became Initially Aware that Whoever is Behind the Channel is Doing one of the fucking Following. This Channel Could be an ARG or Gorilla Advertising Campaign (this is Common Place Dealing with this Kind of Weird fucking Shit), and this is NOT the Case with hmrSilence. Now Plenty of fuckng People do Believe the Channel is an ARG/Gorilla Marketing because it is True there are a Fuck Ton of Hidden Messages that Are Cryptic (6996 6996 is an Angelic Number signifying Good Luck Coming Your Way), or Random as Fuck for the Most Part. Anyways that Doesn’t Confirm Fuck All in the End since it Doesn’t Explain Shit Nor Provide Any Pertinent Information.We believe that Considering the Channel’s the Tiny Number of Uploads Spanning 6 fucking Years pretty much Rules Out Both of those Possibilities. So the Only thing on the “Fucked Up Shit List” as a Viable Option is this is Some sort of Art Type Project or just Some Weirdo/Lunatics Hobby.

6996: As We Mentioned Earlier 6996 is the Angelic Number for Good Luck headed Your Way, But that Doesn’t Explain shit about this Strange Shit. Virtually No One is Talking about or Seems Interested in hmrSilence when as You may have Guess There are Entire Groups (can You say Reddit) Dedicated to Most of this Far Out Shit. We did See a Single Post that Suggested that the Video could be a Representation of Human Consciousness Transformed into Sound. If that is/was the Case then the Soundtrack if You will could be Interpreted as Audio Thought Patterns. Anyway at the Very End of the Video the Screen goes Black and 6996 Flashes on Screen.

6996: Posted August 4, 2016

Inception: This is in Our Opinion the Strangest of all 5 Videos and Here’s Why. The Screen is Utterly Black for the Entire Video with One Acceptation Occurring between 2:37 – 2:39 where a Visual Pops Up Momentarily. We have No fucking Clue what the fuck the Picture is and won’t Waste Time Speculating like Pretentious Assholes. The Intro Build Slowly and the Audio sounds like some sort of Beeping Over Static which We were Wondering Might be Morse Code.

Inception: Posted February 24, 2017

6996 (Repeat Title, Different Video) This is Our Favorite by Far for Several Reasons. The Audio is ACTUAL fucking Music as Opposed to the Abrasive Weird Electrical Distortion, Manipulation, or High Pitched Squealing common with this kind of Fare. This is though One of those Quick Flashing Visuals so if You have Epilepsy DO NOT WATCH SEIZURE WARNING! As far as the Over All Imagery it’s Satan, Satan, Satan, and MORE fucking Satan Cars (though there is Some Occult Shit like Tarot cards). This Definitely Feels More like the Your Typical Fringe Horror Themed Type Shit. Now there is a SHIT TON of Text included in this Video an Actual Shit Tone. So that being Said We did Our Best to Catch All of It, But We admit We’re Not Perfect.

TEXT in Chronological Order of Appearance:

  • You Will Die (this One is Spread Out During the Beginning of the Video and is Written in What Appears to be Greek or Latin but That’s Our Best Guess anyway).
  • DIE
  • Love Is A Suicide
  • No Sleep
  • Something in What We Think is Greek or Latin Judging again on the Lettering.
  • 6996
  • The Word “Dead” in  We Suspect is Greek/Latin (Repeat).
  • OUIXIDE
  • 9669 (This is Another Angelic Number/Sign that means New Opportunities for You in the Future)
  • OTPOUX
  • “Do I Look Like Satan?”
  • The Word “Dead” Again Written in Our best Guess Greek or Latin.
  • YOU
  • WE MISSED SOME TEXT HERE
  • Destroy
  • Satan Within
  • No Sleep (Repeat)
  • I’m 666
  • EVD
  • OH M3PTB
  • More Weird Shit in Likely Greek or Latin.
  • 9669 (Repeat)
  • It Could All Be Over In A Matter Of Seconds
  • Stupid Human Race
  • 9669 (Repeat)
  • They’re Erasing You
  • Nobody Would Care When I’m gone
  • Night Time, My Time
  • No One Hates Me More Than Myself
  • 9669 (Repeat)
  • TBI C4ACTJINB (Only thing that Stuck Out here is TBI is an Abbreviation for Traumatic Brain Injury)
  • Some Other Language We have NO fucking Clue Pops Up in Red. There are 2 Short Paragraphs that are 5 lines Each.
  • Chinese or Japanese Text

6996 (Repeat Title): Posted on Ma 7, 2017

of the 69: This is Pretty Easy to sum the Fuck Up since the Video is a Brief Run Tim of 6 Whole Seconds. There is a Morphing Head then right at the End 9669 and Another Several Lines of the Red Text.

Of The 69: Posted on April 12, 2018

66996 (If this is Yet Another Angelic Number We couldn’t find Shit Saying So): If You thought it Couldn’t get ANY Shorter then a 6 Second Runtime You’re Wrong 66996 is a MICRO 4 Total fucking Seconds. The Visual is of a Shadowy Face and the Audi Remind Us of an Old Nintendo Video Game.

66996: Posted on July, 30 2019

 

It is What it Is,

 Presented B y Les Sober

Monday With Umami The Artist (This Post Is NOT About Food)

Once again we are the start of a new work week which means returning to work which is a laborious chore, but fear not for I Otto Control am here to rub some salt in the wound. It has been said countless times that the beginning of the work week is truly dreaded and that reputation is more than warranted as we are all aware. The drudgery drenched in misery aspect to Mondays that we all are well aware of as we sell our time, and more over our lives to a job that is nothing more than final fucking slavery. Allow me to put it simply: of all the species on the entire planet Humans are the only one who have to pay to live here.

                   

Let that sink in for a second as it might be a moment before one can get their mind around it. The unacknowledged aspect to the loathsome Monday equation is that much like full moons have a noticeably advert affect on people’s behavior/mentality. That’s to say when people are angry, annoyed, stressed, or depressed they have the tendency to take out their aggression on those around them. Mondays a mired maze of negativity a veritable breeding ground for both malice and mourning.

So in a salute to the anguished insanity of Monday’s post features a video by ARTIST AND CREATOR UMAMI. Umami (aka Justin Tomchuk) is a Canadian artist and content creator who makes surrealist animated videos. Now this is where it gets a bit precarious as for all intents and purposes do not know the title of the video as I can not read any Asian languages. Aside from the title translation situation this little taste of gothic horror reminds me of something a serial killer would have playing on a projector utilizing a bare wall as a screen.

                   

WARNING:This video contains fast flashing images, and It may cause discomfort and trigger seizures for people with Epilepsy. I am well aware the video itself warns of this, but Les wanted me to add it just to insure we did our dual diligence.

See you on the other side…

  Presented by Otto Control

Hauntingly Ominous Lost Japanese Public Service Announcements (PSA)

To Whom it may concern,

It is I Otto here as Les and Justin took off on a impromptu road trip which I opted out of. I enjoy my own company to that of any other so being stuck in a hellishly small RV with Les and Justin is something I sincerely want nothing to do with. My idea of a vacation is alienation in isolation removed far from the confining shackles of a sick society. Last time Les called he wasn’t pleased that I had in all due favor neglected my FYB Responsibilities in their absence so here we are.

As what to post I was left up to my own dark devices having carte blanche to choose the topic and content of said post. Needless to say I was intrigued with this newly found freedom. You see my main function since I started assisting Les here in the haunted hallowed halls of FYB is research which I am quite fond of. I like being on my own to plunge  head first down any and every rabbit hole I wish with reckless abandon. Being that this was all unplanned and very last minute I didn’t have anything in particular in mind initially as it were. I pulled out a volume of notes I had compiled a few months ago and started parozing it to see if anything caught my eye. I then just so happened locate notes I had collected on Isamu Saburo Tadashi.

                  

Isamu Saburo Tadashi had dedicated his life and his career to Japan’s Ministry of land, infrastructure, transportation, and tourism (MLIT). Tadashi married young at the age of 16 to his beloved wife Emiko, and just a year later Emiko gave birth to the couple’s first child a boy they named Masao. At a 18 Tadashi started his life long career at the MLIT, and as luck would have it the couple welcomed their second child a girl named Hiroko that same year. Time marched on and Tadashi’s career at the MLIT was taking off. Early on in his career Tadashi had received promotion after promotion along with a slew of various awards, and received the highest of Accolades from his superiors. Then one sunny summer day tragedy struck when Tadashi’s wife Emiko was struck an killed by an absent minded motorist. Tadashi lapsed into a alcohol fueled depression, but thanks to his loving and devoted children managed to fight through his inner demons.

Life rolled on and the family recovered from the loss until tragedy struck once again. One day on the way home from school Tadashi’s Son Masao then 14 years old and his 12 year old sister Hiroko decided to take a short cut home. Unfortunately for the siblings the short cut required them to cross several sets of train tracks which proved to be a fatal flaw. While crossing the tracks Masao one of his feet stuck in-between a set of rail road tracks, and it wasn’t long before Masao had a Tokyo commuter train barring down the tracks right at him. The panic boy fought furiously to free his foot before meeting a gruesome and untimely death. Hiroko refused her brothers pleas for her to escape to safety, and remained by his side trying in vane to save her brother until the very and deadly end. The commuter train wasn’t scheduled to stop at this particular station and was speeding along the rails at a top speed and hit the children dead on killing them both and obliterating their small fragile bodies.

                   

Tadashi who was now battling PTSD as well as clinical depression started to experiment with unconventional hallucinogens developing a profound fondness for smoking the venom of the poisonous Bufo Alvarious Toad (a rare species of toad native to the Sonoran Desert). The Bufo toad’s is known as 5-MeO-DMT: an extremely potent natural psychedelic. 5-MeO-DMT is about 4 to 6 times more powerful than its better-known cousin DMT (dimethytrptamine). As one can imagine Tadashi’s unorthodox drug use quickly began to affect his work at MLIT where he was finally demoted to developing MLIT public service announcements (PSA). Right before his death at 81 from a massive stroke Tadashi set about creating his most dementedly disturbing series of PSA’s majority of which focus on train/train tracks safety.

The Gritty and some what distorted series not only was hyper focused on train safety but also feature 2 eerie characters both of which appear to be young children, and one if obviously male and his counterpart female. Due to the horrific deaths  of Tadashi’s son and daughter on the train tracks people became to speculate that Tadashi had gone mad with grief (and died of a broken heart) having lost his cherished children and adoring wife. The story began to take on a life of its own as it evolved into urban legend status particularly in the paranormal communities. The current version of the story is Tadashi consumed with sorrow at the loss of his family that he began to practice necromancy (the supernatural concept of actually raising/channeling the dead). At some point Tadashi employed the use of an Ouija board in his desperate attempts to reunite with his deceased loved ones, and it resulted in Tadashi accidentally trapping the ghosts of his dead children in the PSA’s where they remain to this very day. Due to Tadashi’s mental deterioration his final series of PSA was locked away and was never intended to see the light of day ever again. Then in 2013 while the MLIT was undergoing a massive revamping the lost Tadashi PSA where discovered stashed in a rusty old filing cabinet that was jammed into a dark corner of the basement.

                   

So are Tadashi’s final PSAs in fact haunted by the ghosts of his deceased children? Are they cursed in some way? Will watching them induce insanity in the viewer? Probably not but that doesn’t make them any less creepy as fuck.

Sweet dreams & Bitter nightmares,

   Otto Rageous  

Short Horror Film Friday: COMING TO LIGHT

Welcome to FYB’s Short Horror Film Friday featuring COMING TO LIGHT Written and Directed by Hector Bell.

Plot Summery:

Coming To Light is a Story about Aaron Who was a Victim of Sexual Abuse when He was Growing Up as a Child, and has Lived for more than Half His Life with the Burden and Torment of being Abused as a Child. As a Result of this He has had to Adjust to a Life where the Physical Manifestation of His Past Trauma in the Form of a Horrific Demon is with Him Everywhere He Goes Relentlessly Torturing by Reminding Him of His Devastating Past.  When the Authorities begin an into an Investigation into His past Abuser,  Aaron becomes Conflicted between Carrying on with Life Socially Imprisoned by the Literal Demon or coming Forward about what happened to Him AND  Subsequently Confronting the His Demon head on.

Enjoy.

Thanks For Watching,

Presented By Les Sober

The All Consuming Sadness (Cartoon)

Alas another Monotonous Monday is upon Us Once Again. As We are all Aware Mondays are Infamous for Being the Shittiest Day of the Week  (as They are Mind Numbingly  Mundane).  Since Mondays seem to Literally Drain the Life Out of You We decided to Post The All Consuming Sadness by One of Our Favorite Animators Jake Lave.

Enjoy.

Thanks For Watching,

Presented By Les Sober 

The Mystery of Hi I’m Mary Mary

Welcome to “Hi I’m Mary Mary” which is an Extremely Obscure Homegrown Horror Web Series that first appeared on Youtube (on July 10, 2016), and the Series is Still Ongoing to this Very Day. It’s Dark and Intense with a Seriously Cool Pick Your Own Adventure/RPG Interactive Aspect. So What is it all About You Wonder? Well We aren’t quite Sure exactly, but Heres a Run Down of the Pertinent Points/Information We Have.

            

“Hi I’m Mary Mary”:

  • The Series Main Character is Named Mary who wakes up in a what She refers to as “A Copy of My Parents House”, and Has No Idea how She got there.
  • All the Doors in the House are Locked and The Windows are Unbreakable Trapping Mary Inside.
  • Mary does find a Video Camera and has Internet Access (Though She can’t See What Anyone is Posting/Saying or Responding to. Simply Put its a preverbal One Way Street).
  • The Series Spills Over in Mary’s actual Twitter Account and Her Blog. Each Platform pervades it’s Own Clues and Insight as to What is Going on in the House and with/to Mary Herself.
  • Mary uses the Video Camera She finds in the House to Document Her Time in the House since well, She seems to have Nothing but Time considering She’s Trapped. The Day are rather Uneventful, But when Night Falls All fucking Hell Breaks Loose.

           

  • There are a Total of Five Separate and Distinct Characters in Addition to Mary Four of Which are Demonic Living in the House, and Exist Only to Torment Mary Relentlessly (again Mostly at Night). The Fifth is The Lady In White Who is a Mysterious Ally though Mary May be Totally Unaware of this Fact.
  • The First Evil Entity in the House is Beauty who appears Only when Mary is looking in a Mirror. Beauty appears wearing a Dress and a Flawless Mask, and Laughs Hysterically Mocking at Mary. Beauty is believed is the  Embodiment of Mary’s Physical Insecurities.
  • The Veiled Lady appears at the End of the First Video and is the Most Predominate of the Sinister Spirits Lurking in the House. She has almost a the Leader of sorts to the Ghastly Group. The Veiled Lady also gets More and More Aggressive with Mary, and is the Only Entity that can actually Speak Directly to Mary. It is believed The Veiled Lady is Symbolic of Depression.

           

  • The Shadow appears when Mary Feels Safe and has a Noteable Trait. That Trait is whenever the Shadow is present Phrases Flash on the Screen (example “I Feel Nothing.” and “I Messed Up.” and the Shadow makes Mary in Her words “Feel Terrible.”

Some of Mary’s Tweets pertaining to the Shadow are as Follows:

  • “The way it moves…its so unsettling. sometimes just seems…wrong. I don’t like looking at it- staring directly makes me feel bad.”
  • ‘I HATE looking at it. what does it even do? It just follows me around and when I look at it, I feel terrible.”
  • “god I feel so freaking empty.it’s watching me. why doesn’t it move quickly. it’s like it wants me to feel this.”
  • “its looking at me right now. at least i think it is. i’m going to go into another room and close the door. it will probably open it.”
  • The Shadow is believed to be the Manifestation of Regret.

            

  • The Darkness is the Most Ominous and Mysterious of the Four Ghoulish Ghosts. In one Video Mary chases The Darkness and Catches it, but When She Lifts Her hand The Darkness Absorbs into Her Palm. When Mary catches The Darkness the phrase “I’m a Monster” Flashes on the Screen. After this Encounter the Other Evil Entities have Their various Barriers Removed allowing Them to Become Bigger, Stronger, and More Terrifying than Ever Before. It is believed The Darkness represents Anxiety.
  • During the Series at one Point Mary finds a Way out of the House through a Door that Leads to What She calls “The Garden” (which is more like a Pond in the Woods, and sometimes its just Water).
  • The Garden is Peaceful and Calm it’s Mary’s Only Escape from the Hellish Abuse from inside the House, and She becomes Dependent on it to provide a Shelter from the Storm. Unfortunately for Mary the Garden starts to Decay the Sun Vanishes and is Replaced By Grey Skys and Rain. As time passes Mary starts to find Abandoned Places and Broken things around the Garden.
  • Mary’s visits to The Garden become Shorter and Shorter  as The Garden Starts to make Mary Physically Ill. It is believed the Garden Represents Drug Use/ Drug Addiction as it parallels the Five Stages of Drug Addiction (The Five Stages are 1. First Use  2. Regular Use  3. Risky Use,  4. Dependence  5. Disorder)

            

  • As the Garden Decay Away and starts making Mary Sick the Malevolent Spirits become Intenser and Physically violent towards Mary.
  • The Drug/Narcotic in Question is more than Likely Heroin. There is Repeated Footage of Mary Rubbing Her Arm specifically Her Upper Forearm (which is the Preferred Injection Site for Junkies which Leads to Track Marks). This Behavior is First seen in the Video “Check In” and continues through the Rest of the Series so Far.
  • It’s in the Garden We meet the Final Character The Lady In White and the Question surrounding Her is is She an Enemy or Ally?! From what We can Tell She is most definitely an Ally though Mary is utter oblivious to this Fact.

The Lady in White Hides Her face and Only Mouths words to Mary. If You watch the Videos in Slow Motion You can make Out What exactly The Lady In White Is Saying. Here are some Examples:

  • “This place is not good for you.”
  • “Mary, please listen to me.”
  • “Mary you are not ok…”
  • “You need help.”
  • “Please Mary listen to me.”
  • “You have to get out of here.”

            

  • It Appears the Lady In White is a Force of Good Desperately trying to Communicate with Mary but to No Avail.
  • There is a Hidden Message in the Source Code on Mary’s Blog that apparently is from The Lady In White. In Summation it states She is in fact trying to Communicate with Mary, But She believes the Four Malicious Entities in the House are Preventing Her from doing so. She states She isn’t sure if Anyone (aka the Viewers) can even see the Messages, Yet She thinks there is a good chance Someone will. She then attempts to say what exactly She wants to tell Mary, But the Messages Cuts Out. The Lady In White Says She’ll try Again and Again the Message cuts out before The Lady In White can Communicate Her Message. She implores Views to Assist Her in getting Mary the Emergency.
  • This Brings Us full Circle back the The House that’s a Copy of Mary’s Parent’s House. It is believed The House is a Representation of Mary’s Own Mental State. The House is Mary’s Mind Plagued by The Demons of Depression, Anxiety, Regret, and Self Loathing (Low Self Esteem).
  • Then if the House is Mary’s Mental State  Then the Garden is an Altered State like a Drug Induced High.

Below You Will Find the “Hi I’m Mary Mary” in its Entirety, but also keep in Mind that the Series is Still Currently Ongoing. Enjoy.

Hope You Enjoyed This Ongoing Cerebral Psychological Horror Series as Much as We Do.

Thanks for Reading/Watching,

  Presented By Les Sober & FYB (1219SFYB)

Another Good Man Is Dead

It’s a Truly Sad Day here at FYB as I found out Earlier Today that My Oldest and Dearest Friends Mike BlueJetSki Dies to Soon Last Night of Congestive Heart Failure. Ever Since I found Out the World Seems to Be Somewhat Off as if Reality has Suddenly gone Askew. Another Fallen Friend to Bid Farewell   to Another Death, Another Celebration of Deceased’s Life, Another Grave Needs Filling.

I’m not what You would call a Sentimental sort of Person so This is Far, Far, Far from any Biographical Memoire, but Alas I still have Shit to Say. I met Mike when I switched Schools right Before 9th Grade. It’s needless to say High School fucking Sucks, and Teenagers are Assholes so being an Interloper in a Group of fellow Students who have been fucking Classmates since fucking Elementary School. Mike was the First Person to approach Me and extend His Hand in Friendship.

Mike was an extremely Talented Self Taught Guitarist who I had the distinct Pleasure of Playing with in Several High School Bands with such as Burnt Toast, The Severed Heads, Rules of a Riot, The Satanic MC Collective, Shit Out of Luck, Far From Sober, and most Notably Stank Breath. Mike and I were part of the Motley Crew of Heavy Metal Loving, Pot Smoking, Underage Drinking Head Banger Slackers who’s only real accomplishment was Not Dropping Out or Flunking out of High School. For some in Our Circle of Friends that was a Tall Order I assure You.

           

Mike was also an Amazing Mechanic who was Born with a Natural Talent for Working with His Hands. I stopped by Mike’s Grandmothers House where Mike was Helping Her Clean Out Her Cluttered Attic. While Rummaging Through the Contents of the Attic Mike had come across His Grandfather’s Korean War Rifle. Now Mike had Obviously never seen a Korean War Rifle since He was Born After the Korean War Itself. It took Mike Meer Minutes to Completely Disassemble the Rifle, Clean it, and Reassemble it Flawlessly in Perfect Working Order .

During Our Junior Year of High School Mike’s Mother Started Dating since Sad to Say Mike’s Father had Died at an Early Age as Well of Heart Related Issues (The Kicker was He was on Medication that would have kept Him alive Accept for a Short Period He couldn’t Afford it and Paying the Bills. Talk about putting Family First and True Sacrifice.) a few Years before I met Him. Mike’s Mom was a Unconventional Character who was Honestly Quite Lonely and wanted Someone, Anyone really to Live out the Rest of Her Days With. After a long line of fucking Loser’s She impulsively Married a Southern Religious Fanatic and Old School Racist Asshole Don without Ever meeting Him in Person Prior to the Wedding (this was Pre Internet so They had to write actual Letters and Use Landlines to Communicate.)

Mike’s Mom suddenly announced one Day soon after Marrying Don the Dick to Dothan Alabama of all fucking Shitholes because thats were Don and His Family Lived, and They (Mike and His Siblings) had just under 2 weeks to get Their Shit Together before the Actual Moving Day. Again back in those Days there Weren’t wasn’t the Internet or Social Media or Skype so as I said communication could be Slow and for that matter inconsistent. The Only other Option outside of Snail Mail was Land Lines that Charged a small fucking fortune for Long Distance Calls. Being Teenagers Niether Mike nor I had any Money or source of Income so I could Move with Mike, and Mike couldn’t Move Back.

           

I did manage to Sell Enough Pot to Visit Mike During Spring Break to Don’s Dismay in Fact Don Claimed that if I came to Visit I’d “Bring the Devil to Alabama.” which being a Heavy Metal Fan and Teenager I thought was pretty fucking bad ass. In the End Mike’s Mom Divorced Don who became Mentally Unstable increasingly more and more as Time Passed. One Day Mike found Don sitting in the Kitchen with a Loaded Shotgun ranting about Murdering Mike. Mike tackled Don who was out of Shape and Obese and Wrenched the Shotgun from Him which He then locked in the Trunk of His car for Safe Keeping.

Mike was seriously one of the Most Artistically creative People I have EVER had the Sincere Pleasure of Knowing. Mike could Improvise like a Motherfucker No Matter what was Going On Mike could whip up a Song, Fictional Character, Short Story, or Movie Plot just to name a Few of Mike’s Natural Born Talents. Mike was the Ultimate Creative Collaborator the Synergy was fucking Insane like Two People living as One. Mike was the kind of Friend that We didn’t even Need to Talk, No verbalization Necessary to Communicate through just a series of Looks You’d know exactly what either of Us was Thinking/Feeling. It was Uncanny it Really fucking was. I image that being Friends with Mike equated to the Unexplained Link between sets of Twins.

Mike was also one of the Friendliest, Most Open Minded, Loyal, Caring, and Zen like People to ever walk the fucking Planet. I appreciated that being an Introvert who Spends Far too much Time in My own Head (sometimes to My Detriment) being Motivated by My Emotions. One of if not the Best piece of fucking Advice that has served Me well Over a Vast number of Years I got From Mike. I forget the exact Details other than We were Hanging Out in some Public Place, and I started to get Paranoid as a Motherfucker for some reason I can’t Remember. Mike Stared Me Dead in the Eye and in all seriousness said “Maybe what You think is going on ISN’T Going on because its all in Your Head??!”

           

Sad to Say that for Several Years Mike and I lost Touch until Our fucking Cliche finding One Another on (and it Pains Me so to Admit) Facebook back before Zuckerberg and I got into Our Battle of Wills. I will say this One of the first fucking things I did when the Bullshit FB shit happened I almost immediately exchanged Phone Numbers to Keep FB communications to a minimum. Unfortunately I ended up Abandoning Facebook which inadvertently lead to another Period of Separation if You will. Time went by and We ironically reconnected again on FaceBook, but it was Through My Wife who acted as My FB Middle Woman. From then on We talked several times a Month, but the Coolest Part was no matter how long it had been once We were reunited it wasn’t awkward or Weird in Any way whatsoever. Mike and I would simply Pick Up exactly whereWe left Off like No Time had passed at all.

My One and Only Regret is Not Seeing Mike in Person Face to Face since the Trip I took Junior Year to Visit Him. Technology has the Power to Connect, But it has No Personality. Some things can Only be done in Person there is absolutely No Technical Equivalent and Never fucking will be.

           

In Closing : I will Never Forget or Stop Missing My Dearly Departed Friend who I am sure is Giving Them Hell in Heaven.

Thanks for Giving a Shit & Reading,

By Les Sober

The Myths of Mental Health In America

As I mentioned Once Before one of the Many things I find Fascinating is Sociology. It’s true I am Not what You would Call a People Person by any shot of the Imagination, BUT that Aside I find People fucking Fascinating to No End. When I was in Collage at one Point I considered getting a Degree in Sociology (and Hell No I wasn’t about to be a fucking Social Worker. That Job Pays DICK, and will Burn You Out Completely as it Kills whatever Faith You have left in Humanity), Yet Life had a Different Course for Me to take.

I still find Interacting with People to be a Necessary Evil I am utterly Intrigued as to What Makes People Tick. One of the Social Shifts We have seen is How Society as a Whole Feels, Acts, and Thinks about Mental Health.

Not too Long Ago NO ONE Mentioned or Talked about Mental Health Issues Unless it was At Home Behind Closed Doors where Positively No One Else could Find Out. Fast Forward to Today and it’s a MUCH Different Story. People Nowadays Conversate at Ease about being in Therapy, Talk Openly about Their Psychological Issues (ie I’m Bipolar), Embrace the Help of the Psychiatric Community, and  There Mental Health Prescription Drug Ads on TV, the Internet, YouTube, and Plastered All Over Magazines. The Stigma that if You Sought Psychiatric Assistance You were Flawed and Literally Insane, BUT Those Days are all but Gone.

Still there are a Small Group of The American Public that haven’t gotten on The Band Wagon, and still Believe the Outdated and False Claims about Psychiatry, Medications (ie Prozac), Therapy, and Patients. This Post Is Dedicated to Them. LISTEN UP ASSHOLES HERES A CHANCE TO EDUCATE YOURSELF AND BREAK FREE FROM INANE IGNORANCE. SO LISTEN UP.

The Following are the Top 10 Myths and Misconceptions pertaining to Mental Health:

  1. Mental Health Problems are Uncommon or Rare.

In Fact, nearly 1 out of Every 5 Americans WILL HAVE a DIAGNOSED Mental Disorder in Their Lifetime, According to the National Institute of Mental Health.

2. Mental Health Problems Are Caused By The Person Suffering From Them.

While People DO NEED to take RESPONSIBILITY for Their Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors associated with Disorders, They are NOT TO BLAME FOR THEM. There is an Important Difference between taking Responsibility and Accepting Blame, BUT Unfortunately, MANY People CONFUSE these 2 Things

3. Mental Health Problems Are Purely Biological Or Genetic In Nature.

Some Professionals and Mental Health Advocacy Organizations feel that Mistruths like this one will Better Forward Their Professional BIASES or POLITICAL AGENDAS, Yet this remains FALSE. Mental Health Problems are NOT solely caused by Bad Genes  or a Biological Chemical Imbalance, according to the Research We have to Date. ANY Health Care Professional, or Mental Health Avocate who CLAIMS Otherwise is Telling You a HALF-TRUTH to Forward THEIR OWN, UNSPOKEN AGENDAS.

4. Mental Halth Disorders Are Often Life-Long And Difficult To Treat.

Many Times, Individuals with a Newly Diagnosed Disorder such as Depression or Anxiety are told They have to take Medication(s) for it. Yet, when They Question Their Physician about How LongThey must Remain on the Medication(s), They Receive a Muddled, Non-Answer, such as, “As long as You need to.” Most Medications (with Few Notable Exceptions, such as those Prescribed for Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia ) Prescribed for Mental Disorders should be taken for Short Term (Less than a Year) Symptoms Relief. Some Medications have Withdrawal Effects that are often Worse than the Original Problem. QUIZ YOUR DOCTOR about these Issues (such as Length of Time on the Medication(s), Palm for Weening You Off the Medications, Etc.) BEFORE You are placed on ANY MEDICATION for a Mental Disorder.

       

5. Psychotherapy Takes Forever And Delves into Your Childhood Issues.

This is FALSE and Holdover from the Older Days of Psychotherapy. MODERN Psychotherapy, however, can be Stort-Term and Solution Oriented. Most short-term Psychotherapy approaches use a Cognitive-Behavioral Model, which Emphasizes Irrational Thought which lead to Dysfunctional Behaviors and Feelings. This Type of Therapy Emphasizes Learning what Those Thoughts are and How to Easily change Many of Them, often in a matter of only a FEW WEEKS. Most common Mental Health Disorders can Now be Treated in a matter of MONTHS instead of YEARS. Insurance and Managed Care Plans usually cover much of this sort of Treatment.

6. I Can Handle My Own Mental Health Problems, And If I Can’t Thats Because I Am Weak.

The 1st Part of this Statement May NOT be so much of a Myth, as Most People who have a Mental Health Problem DO NOT SEEK TREATMENT for it. Instead, They Rely on Their Traditional Coping Mechanisms (Like Excessive Eating, Drinking, Drugs, Working Longer, Working Harder, Exercising more, Hanging Out with Friends/Family Etc.) to take care of the Problem. Many Problems which may be Diagnosable may also Be Mild enough for this type of Care to be Sufficient.  Talking with Friends, Reading a Self-Help Book, or Visiting an Online Self-Help Group may Not be Enough to Help get You through Your Problem(s).

       

When Your Problem(s) become OVERWHELMING despite Your Best Efforts to Cope, that is a SURE SIGN You need Addition (aka Professional) Help. This DOES NOT mean Your Weak/Weak Minded/Weak Willed or anything remotely like that, It Means You REALIZE and ACCEPT Your Human with Natural Limitations. Seek Appropriate Care/Treatment when Your Coping Skills go Beyond being Able to HELP You Deal with Your Problem(s).

7. If I Admit I Have Problems, Everyone Will Think I’m Crazy and I’ll Need To Be Admitted To A Mental Hospital/Facility For A Very Long Time.

“Crazy” is a GENERIC TERM which is MEANINGLESS in this Context. Everyone is a Little Bit Crazy some of the Time. Having a Mental Disorder Really DOESN’T mean You’re Crazy. It just means You have a Problem, similar to a Medical Disease, which needs Treatment. Would ANYONE think less of You for seeking Treatment if You had Caner?! Then Why would ANYONE think any less of You because You have Anxiety or Depression?! And if They Do, THEY ARE THE ONES WHO NEED EDUCATION AND TO BE MORE OPENMINDED.

       

Most People who have a Diagnosable Disorder DO NOT NEED Hospitalization (Referred to as Inpatient Treatment as its called Now a Days) . Hospitalization is ONLY USED in ETREME CASES, when the Problem puts You in Imminent Risk/Danger or Dying or If You are a Threat To Your Own Safety (ie. Suicidal) or a Threat To Others Safety (ie. Homicidal). Even in the Case You are Hospitalized for Your Problem, it DOESN’T mean that You will be there for Days, Weeks, or Longer. Just like with an Emergency Room You will be Assessed, Treated, and Released as soon as Your Feeling Better.

8. Being Suicidal Means I’m Insane.

Suicidal Feelings are most often Symptoms of Depression or Related Mood Disorder. Feeling Suicidal DOES NOT make You any More or Less Insane than Anyone Else. Suicidal Feelings go away once You begin to Receive Adequate Care for Your Depression or Other Mood Disorder. That’s Why it is So Tragic when a Person actually succeeds in Their Suicide Attempt, Had the Person in Question had been Receiving Adequate Treatment, They could be Alive and Feeling much less Depressed and Suicidal.

       

9. Mental Health Problems Are Best Treated By My Primary Care Physician Or A General Practitioner.

NO MATTER what Their field, nearly EVERY Mental Health Professional AGREES that Diagnosable Mental Disorders are Best Treated by a Trained Specialist (a Mental Health Professional). Weather that Professional is a Psychiatrist, Psychologist, or Other Clinician Trained to Diagnose and Treat Mental Health Problems, You will ALWAYS receive the Highest Quality Care and Treatment when seen by Mental Health Professional as Opposed to a General Practitioner. Mental Disorders should be taken as Seriously as ANY Potential Chronic and Disabling Medical Condition. You go to an Oncologist for Cancer, a Dermatologist for Skin Problems Etc. You should NEVER expect or Demand ANY LESS in the Quality of the Care You receive when dealing with Mental Health Problems.  it is Difficult for General Practitioners to Keep Up with the Latest Researching the Field and Often They Prescribe ONLY a Psychopharmacological Treatment Approach, YET that is the LEAST EFFECTIVE Treatment approach Available.

          

10. Mental Health Professionals (Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Social Workers, Psychiatric Nurses (My Wife is a Psychiatric RN), and Family Counselors etc) Make A Ton OF Money Off Of People Suffering From Mental Health Problems/Disorders.

At One Time in the Not-Too-Distant Past, this was True. BUT NO LONGER. In Fact due to the Vast Expansion of Managed Care in the Mental Health Field over the Past 6-7 Years, Mental Health Care is Often the LOWEST PAYING Healthcare Profession. The Majority of Behavioral Healthcare and Related Professionals work in this Area because the Want To, NOT BECAUSE OF THE PAY. It is a WELL DOCUMENTED FACT that Psychiatrists are Often the LOWEST PAID Physician Specialty Field.

       

I hope You found this Post Informative, Though Provoking, and Helpful.

Thank for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Day-2 The Void

I did something today
Worst thing I have done in weeks.
I did nothing.

I was frozen to myself and not answer the phone.
I wanted to send text messages yet the fingers were not there to guide me home.

I wanted to go to the gym but my cigarettes were 10 feet away.

I wanted some guidance; I got disarray.

I wanted to flirt but I was chickenshit.

I wanted to kick over the sign outside the store but then I was feeling overly mature,

So I settled for fish and chips and a double helping of prunes.

I wanted to light a candle but I was too scared to see my reflection in the flame.

I lifted myself upright to only let myself fall back down….
To this void that pierces my skin.

Then the catacombs of my eyes
Matched the patterns on my shirt
It was time to land my hovercraft
Time to latch back onto Earth

I wanted to tell you with a whisper, with a grin
I looked to see your smiling face
There was nothing
Just a deed for your next of kin

I saw a rainbow draped across your barren soft skin
Viewed a million ships sailing
Over the edge of the flattened world
This treachery
This malaise
Beckons us into the sin

Naked I wanted the day
Stripped away
Naked it was
Droopy eyeballs smacking down the turf

I wanted some candy
I settled for slop

I wanted an epiphany
I settled for sloth

I wanted to be myself
But myself was stuck deep within

I travel the void
There is only me
Just think of me baby
Tomorrow I just might be

By SpaceDog 

Fake Doctors: Blah, Blah, Bullshit

Ever since I was a young child, I have been affected by other people’s emotions and thoughts. No I cannot read the minds of people that I do not know and most of the time cannot read the minds of people that I do know. Sometimes I wish I could; most of the time I’m glad I cannot do this the majority of the time.

Yet when I have felt the feelings of others, the majority of the time this has frightened me. This has caused me to turn to alcohol (mostly) and turn to drugs the remander of the times. Usually there is so much negativity when I enter a room or false hope or fake smiles, that I have a proclivity towards not really associating with the general public all that often. 

I have taken recent steps to try and change this. I cannot and will not shut these feelings off anymore with psychotropic drugs, legal or street, ever again. It is rather hard for me to accept these kind of things as being real or being a blessing instead of a curse but I know they do exist. People have tried to label me in the past as having depression or bipolar disorder or (name a disorder ) they’ve probably said, “Yes! You do have THIS!”.

 

Newsflash to all those wonderful people that wear the biggest masquerade ball mask of all! This would be psychatrists to those of who may be wearing a mask of your own.

First of all, I do not accept your practice as a genuine medical science. It is a cash cow. Simply put: We are all human. We all get depressed and anxious and have mood swings and get too happy for things that we shouldn’t be getting so happy about. 

Another reason I do not accept your practice as legitimate is due to the fact that while, yes, I have in fact met the definition of clinical depression in the past but all that antidepressants have done is either make me more depressed or caused side effects so great that the idea of facing the world in any way, shape or form was most undesired.

What you may ask are these side effects? Everything from numbing of the face to sharp pains in my side (presumably my kidney) to having auditory hallucinations (which included by were not limited to hearing all music and sound a semitone lower then what actually was occuring) to homicidal nightmares to headaches that lasted for weeks on end to not having the full functionality of my brain available to me. 

Of course, all doctors and professionals in their field will tell you to bear through the side effects and they will go away. However I have to much of my brain to go without my brain. I’m quick with my mouth and well when it takes 30 seconds to coming up with something clever or meaningful to say versus 2.3 seconds (or less), I am completely dull and worthless to myself and others. 

How then did this depression go away? I made a choice to at least try and be happy. Do things that make me happy. See people that make me happy. Listen to music that makes me happy. It’s pretty amazing how a bunch of little things add up sometimes to complete the puzzle. 

No, I’m not perfect. I still make tons of really stupid decisions but the level of stupidity is going downward. I am the most relaxed I have been in my entire life. 

I am not really afraid of anything except writing. I love to write and since my life is relatively simple now, there is no excuse for me to not drop everything when I get a thought or idea. I guess fear stops me. I’m scarred right now. lol. well not that much more tired. 🙂

I just wish more people could see things the way I do. I don’t want to get into all kinds of specifics right now though, I’m too tired to think much more and too private to reveal all my intracacies in a public blog. Or most people wouldn’t believe what I am saying, at least the ones that think they know me. 

And with that I say naught more. 

By SpaceDog