Tag: DIY

The Insanity That Is Alantutorial Installment #3

Welcome to Rare Sunday here at FYB featuring the Third of Four Sets of 16 Videos in the Alantutorial Web Series by by American Comedian Visual Artist, and Film Maker Alan Resnick Who plays a Fictional Version of Himself in the Series. Alantutorial a tutorial based Youtube Channel that follows tutorial videos of a Mild Mannered Adult Man Named Alan. However We can tell there is Something Not Quite Right with Alan and His Mental State begins to go from Bad to Worse. The Viewer can see Alan’s Sanity Slipping Farther and Farther Away.  Alan’s Tutorial Videos start to become increasingly more Disturbing with every Passing Day and Every New Video.

Alan Tutorials are Nothing Less than Absurd, and aren’t Practical for Anything. The Production Value is utterly Shitty with Wobbly Camera, Total Lack of any sort of Editing, and Half the Time Alan doesn’t seems to even grasp the concept of His own Subject Matter.

Aforementioned Pertinent Videos:

  • Video #3: “reveal slats of wood and dust a bed part 2” This is the Video which may Provide the Reason Alan get’s Locked Out of His Room and Ends Up Homeless and Living in the Woods.
  • Video #4: “Locked out of room tutorial (what to do)” This is a Major Turning Point in the Series as from this Video Forward Alan starts Slipping into Insanity and Squaller.
  • Video #7: “
  • Video #9: “How to do Spanish hair braids” Features the Infamous/Ominous Blue Chair.
  • Video #10: “DIY weatherize a hole Tutorial”
  • Video #11: “disk tutorial” This is Yet Another Pivotal Turning Point in the Series as Alan has been Abducted and Thrown in the back of a Delivery Truck covered in Blood.

Enjoy.

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Thanks For Watching,

   Presented By Les Sober  

Tech Support is a Shitty Scam

We have all been there Countless Times over the Years to say the fucking least. At the most inconvenient moment possible some piece of technology that We are using/Need takes a massive shit, and refuses to right itself.

And after tooling around with the Device like the good old “Turn it off and on Again”  and other DIY tricks of the trade. When nothing within the realm of fucking Logic doesn’t work, and your Device is still having a Tantrum like a bratty fucking child We break the fuck down, curse under Our breath, and call Tech Support.

Yeah those Less Than Helpful 9 out of 10 times with Their bullshit attitudes, and general hating of They’re Lives. Well yup you fucking guessed it some of that Trifling Tech shit happened to Me just the other fucking day.

I jumped on My trusty fucking Laptop (AKA My Partner in Crime) logged on to the site here, and it was all normal until I pulled up a Post I was in the middle of working on. Thats when I found out My Format had somehow become completely fucked rendering pretty much everything if You think about it to a grinding halt.

I spent little over a hour trying My best to remedy the situation, but to no avail. I finally had to accept the fucked up fact that I’d have to call Tech Support in for this fucker.

I spent 40 fucking minutes talking with the first Guy and LITERALLY GOT NO WHERE. Apparently He couldn’t access My screen to see what the fuck I was seeing because something on My end effectively blocked Him before He could.

Well this dumb fuck tells Me since the issue is on My end I need to shut off whatever the fuck it is thats locking Him out. So I said fine tell Me then how the fuck I do it and I will now,  BUT thats when the TECH SUPPORT GUY informs Me for some unexplainable reason He can’t.

I then told the Guy how fucking stupid and utterly fucking absurd the issue was. Here I am the Tech Noob asking Him for help only to have Him tell Me Me He CAN”T DO A DAMN THING TO HELP. Then the Tech Expert tells the Noob He needs to figure out an issue the fucking TECH FUCKING EXPERT CAN’T.

Needless to say I was transferred to a Second Guy in what I was told was the TurdPress Live department.

After having to tell the Second joker all over again what the fuck was going on He tells Me He’s all too familiar with the issue and that He sees it several times a Month.

I then ask Him what the hell happened to which He replied an Automatic Update (I have experienced any such fucking thing, at least nothing fucked up like it in the 4 plus years I have been Paying this Provider) had a faulty Plugin that either didn’t load or it only partially loaded either way thats what clusterfucked My Beloved Format.

Now I’m feeling a bit better at least the Second Joker is familiar with the problem, and sounds like this Guy can fix it since He had NO trouble diagnosing the problem in great detail at length. Well I was Wrong.

The next fucking thing I know is this asshole is telling Me for some reason He won’t fucking tell me He can’t intact Fix the issue. I mean shit at least the First Joker had a reason for His incompetence. This Guy had DICK.

I then realized where the fuck this conversation was inevitably headed and that time I was right fucking on.

This assfuck goes on to say that if I want the problem fixed (and remember I can’t write/Post a goddamn thing without My fucking Format being fixed/working) I have to SIGN UP FOR THEIR TURDPRESS LIVE SERVICE.

Apparently They like SO many Others use TurdPress, but in this incidence the Provider Company created TURDPRESS LIVE just to handle all the fucking issues all the fucking users where having. How fucked is that shit I ask You?! A Secondary Company had to create a Tech Support Department to handle THE FIRST COMPANIES USER’S PROBLEMS.

Anyway I damn well know signing up for ANY and ALL ADDITIONAL SERVICES translates into “But You’ll have to PAY US MORE MONEY.” So I ask this fucking Guy how much, and He has the balls to tell Me its “just” a couple hundred a month.

He then lets Me know that most People sign up only for a few/couple months and then drop it like some People do with HBO and Their Game of Thrones Show as well as Other Similar Sinarios with Different Shows.

Bottomline is I’d have to buy a MONTH worth of Support to fix this one issue. I then asked this idiot what the fucking alternatives would be, and He says to surf forums asking questions (and see what the fuck happens) or scouring YouTube to see if You might find something of use. Both would require a great deal of time and effort, but still it all could come up with absolute dick as far as answers.

I was well pissed off by now as anyone would and told this clown I’d have to think about some shit and call back later or something. I sat around for a while killing time before My Wife came home form Work spitting venom.

I for one am SICK AS SHIT that I Pay all these different fucking companies and They all tell Me about the fucking spectacular Customer Service They provide for Their Customers.

Then You have an actual problem thus You call them for Help ONLY TO BE TOLD IT WILL COST YOU MORE FUCKING MONEY for Their Service that can actually fix the fucking problem/Provide the Service You want or need.

I mean where the fuck is the Customer Service Help I’m ALREADY FUCKING PAYING FOR?! How come all these phone fucks can do is charge Me more through some Upgrade orSpecific Service. Talk about Double Billing.

HERE’s The Kicker. Once My Wife got home see took a look at it and had it totally fixed in UNDER 15 Minutes FOR FUCKING FREE.

Tech Support/Customer Service can EAT SHIT SANDWICHES In Jersey.

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

Unconventional Assignment Sets English Department on its Ass

DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING POST DOES NOT INDORSE, PROMOTE, SUPPORT OR GLORIFY DRUG ADDICTION. IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS BATTLING ADDICTION PLEASE GET HELP.

I was a freshman in collage when I took a writing course that was billed as a creative writing class. It turned out to be a real turd. There was absolutely NOTHING creative about the class I assure you. The Professor was phoning it in as far as I was concerned. There wasn’t creativity because there was no originality. What I mean is this Guy basically ran us through a basic writing textbook full of the most mundane rudimentary writing exercises.

One fateful day the so called Professor assigned what is called “A List Exercise”.  A list Exercise is writing a list describing a process such as ReBuilding a Carburetor, Baking Cup Cakes, Making a Toy Model, Groom a Dog etc. in list form. Its basically a step by step how to list.

I was so utterly disgusted with the assignment I decided to write an unconventional list because that would be interesting (I mean its a fucking list how interesting is that shit?!), and not just a half assed description of some ordinary task I chose just to complete the assignment.

When it comes to writing a classic motto of sorts is “A writer writes what they know” and with that said I decided for my unorthodox List Exercise that I would write about the ritual of the Heroin Addict which I am quite personally familiar with from my Decade of Debauchery (My past feels like several lifetimes).

Needless to say this caught the Professors eye and not in a good way. He told me it was inappropriate and that I was making a mockery of the class. The Professor then went on to report my paper to the Head of the English Department. Before the end of the day the entire English Department was gossiping feverishly about it and adding their two cents worth.

In the end I was given a slap on the wrist and told not to repeat such “Disruptive Behavior” and all would be forgiven.

Ladies & Gentlemen without a further ado for your reading pleasure I give you that very cleaver and controversial Exercise List:

  1. Score the heroin
  2. Find safe and private area/location
  3. Fire up Zippo lighter and place it standing upright
  4. Get spoon out
  5. Place small amount of water in spoon (to help with this part bending the spoon at the base of the neck is recommended)
  6. Combine the water and heroin in spoon
  7. Mix water and heroin thoroughly in spoon
  8. Place spoon over a heat source i.e. flame such as a Lighter, Match or Lit Candle
  9. Wait for the water-heroin concoction to simmer (Bubble)
  10. Once simmering immediately remove spoon from flame
  11. Allow the mixture to cool (requires just an minute or so)
  12. Place piece of cotton or a piece cigarette filter to use as a filter
  13. Draw up heroin into syringe through the filter
  14. Make sure to remove ALL air bubbles by flicking syringe with index finger (If you inject an air bubble it will travel to your heart and you will DIE)
  15. Once the bubbles have burst expel the excess by pushing plunger of syringe until air is out

16.Tie off using a belt, phone cord etc. as a tourniquet

17. Insert syringe into vein at a 45 degree angle

18. Draw back plunger to see if your actually in a vein

19. If a small amount of blood rushes into the syringe your set, if not repeat #17

20. Once you’ve draw the plunger back and blood entered the syringe inject heroin slowly

21. Once the heroin is injected remove tourniquet

22. Remove needle

23. Wipe off excess blood from injection site

24. Apply pressure to stop any further bleeding

25. In 3 to 4 hours the high will wear off (possibly making you severely sick depending on how addicted you are or become)

26. When you come down you will want/need to repeat this entire list again and again and again….Until You either end up DEAD, IN PRISON or GET CLEAN.

Thanks For Reading

 Les Sober