Tag: dreams

Milk Tooth

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post featuring MILK TOOTH  Animated by Monica Cook and Music by Martín Capella. Monica Cook is a Painter, Animator, Sculptor and Mixed-Media Artist whose Portraits and Art Installations Focus on the Fantastical and Grotesque Actuality of Human Bodies.

Cook received her BFA from Savannah College of Art and Design . A residency at the School of Visual Arts brought her to New York in 2004. She Attended Skowhegan School of Painting and Sculpture, Maine and is a 2018 fellow of Urban Glass Studio, Brooklyn, NY.

Description: The Dementedly Deranged Dreams of the Damned as They Slumber in Insanity.

It is What it is,

Presented By Les Sober

THE BACKROOMS

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post featuring the Evolution of THE BACK ROOMS from Humble Beginnings to the Internet Sensation it Became. The Mystery  Where and What The Backrooms Are and What They Mean has been a Point of Contention from Day One (and Still is to this Today). The Backrooms Operates using common Psychological Horror Themes such as Being Isolated, Fear of the Unknown, Trapped without Viable Escape, Fear of the Dark, and Being Watched while Being Hunted are Prime Examples. So without Further Delay let’s Jump into the Nightmarish Horrorscape known Simple as THE BACKROOMS!!

The Origin of The Backrooms:

  • In May 2019 a Strangle Unnerving Picture was Posted on 4Chan and immediately garnered a Great Deal of Attention. The Picture was of a Multi-Roomed Interior with Sickly Yellow Wallpaper (with a tinge of Underlying Green) and a Cheap Generic Brown Carpet like the kind You’d find in an Office Building. Whoever took the Picture was standing in One Room while Taking the Picture through an Open Doorway into an Empty Identical Room, and You can See a Third Room also Identical room Branching Off to the Left.
  • There was a Grim Description that Accompanied the Photo: “If you’re not careful and you no clip out of reality in the wrong areas, you’ll end up in the Backrooms, where it’s nothing but the stink of old moist carpet, the madness of mono-yellow, the endless background noise of fluorescent lights at maximum hum-buzz, and approximately six hundred million square miles of randomly segmented empty rooms to be trapped in.”
  • It is believed by Most that The Backrooms has a Total of 3 Levels: Level 0, Level 1, and Level 2.

LEVEL 0:

  • Level 0 is a Labyrinth of the Aforementioned Monotone Yellow wallpapered Rooms, the Moldy Stench of the Moist Carpet, and Loud Buzzing Hum of the Overhead Florescent Lights.
  • All Rooms Appear to be Identical, but if You can Stay Focused instead of Panicking and going Utterly Insane there are a Few Minor Changes along the Way so You have to be Vigilant.
  • There are Humanoid Creatures (Referred to as Hounds) Who look like Disfigured People Roaming the Maze Walking on All Fours.
  • The Hounds Admit a Low Rumble Sound which is One of a Very Few Indicators that They are Present/Near By.
  • The Hounds are to be Considered VERY DANGEROUS so Avoiding them is in Your Best Interest, But if You run into a Hound DO NOT LOOK AT IT and Slowly Back Away to a Safe Distance before making a Run for It.
  • No One is Sure How You get from Level 0 to Level 1 there are rumored to be No Clipped Walls that have the Potential to Send You back to Reality or Plunge You Even Deeper into the Hell of the Backrooms, or They could just Send You back to the Beginning where You’d have to Start All Over Again.

LEVEL 1:

  • Level 1 is More Dangerous than Level 0.
  • The Walls and Floor of Level 1 are made of Concrete as Apposed to the Nauseating Yellow Wallpaper and Repulsive Moist Carpet.
  • The Sounds of Level 1 are Also Different. In Level 1 in Addition of the Intensified Buzz of the Florescent Lights, the Continuous Drone of Machinery, and Creaking Sounds Coming from Unseen Rooms.
  • The Lights on Level 1 Flicker and Shut Off periodically Leaving You in Pitch Blackness and That’s When You’re in the Greatest of Dangers.
  • When the Lights Go Out and Your plunged into Darkness is when the Creatures of Level 1 come. The Creatures make a Disturbingly Distorted Screaming Sound and are Invisible as They are Cloaked in the Darkness. If Encountered in Spite of the Blackness DO NOT LOOK AT OR IN THE DIRECTION OF THE CREATURE, and again Slowly Back away from the Direction of the Distorted Screams of the Creature.
  • Once Agin No One is sure How You get from Level 0 to Level 1, but Most adhere to the No Clipped Theory.

Level 2:

  • Level 2 is considered by Most to be the Final Level of the Backrooms.
  • The Walls Change, and the Hallways Narrow to the Point of being Claustrophobic.
  • The Florescent Lights have been Significantly Amplified with a almost Deafening Buzz and the Heat coming from the Lights Raises the Temperature of Level 2 to Over 100 Degrees Fahrenheit.
  • The Halls seem to Mimic Service Tunnels as Pipes and Various Machinery Lines the Walls.
  • The Creatures that Dwell in Level 2 are Hostile, Aggressive, and Dangerous of All. The Only way to Escape one of these Creatures if You encounter it is to Run as Fast as You Possibly can in the Opposite Direction of the Creature and DON’T EVER LOOK BACK.
  • Escape from Level 2 is Nearly Impossible as there No Viable Exit Points.
  • Extremely Few People have Claimed to have Survived the Backrooms by 1) Accepting the Situation 2) Satying Cool, Calm, and Collected 3) Imagined the Backrooms were Their Home.
  • If You can’t do the Above or it Doesn’t Work for Some Reason YOU’RE FUCKED AND CONDEMNED TO THE CONFINES OF THE BACKROOMS FOR ETERNITY.

Theories, Speculation, and Hypothesis:

  • Most People Believe there 3 Levels (0 through 2) that make up The Backrooms. Some People Believe that The Backrooms Consist of 100 or More Individual Levels. A Few People Believe that there Aren’t Any Levels, but that The Backrooms is One Continuous Level.
  • Some Believe The Backrooms is a Metaphor for the Desolation of the Modern Work Environment (Office Building, Cubicles, Shitty Florescent Soul Sucking lights, and Drably Depressing Surroundings. All culminating in a Feeling of Utter Alienation.
  • There is a Theory that The Backrooms is a Never Ending Coma known as “Pre Death” which is a State of Eternal Dreaming.
  • There is a Belief that The Back Rooms are Purgatory and if You can manage to Escape You send to Heaven, You are Doomed to Wonder The Backrooms for Eternity, or The Creatures that Inhabit The Backrooms are Demons that if They catch You will Drag You into the Pits of Hell.
  • A Theory pertaining to Discovering How to Travel from one Level of The Backrooms to Another. Some think to get from Level 0 to Level 1 that You stumble upon a Door, Hallway, or Even an Elevator that will take You to the Next Level. Others Think that after 4 Days of Wondering in Level 1 that the Scenery Changes when the Flickering Lights Go Out, and when They come back on They Reveal the Level Change to Level 2.

Theories, Speculation, and Hypothesis on How DO You End Up/ Access The Backrooms:

  • Some Say The Backrooms can be Accessed through People’s Dreams or Visions. For this Reason Many People Claim to Recognize The Backrooms from the Original Photo, and Some Reported Feeling some sort of Nostalgic Fear when They look at the Picture.
  • There is a School of Thought that the way to access The Backrooms is Particularly Tricky and Requires a Great Deal of Luck. They believe the way to get to The Backrooms is by Utilizing Actual Glitches in Reality. Just like in Video Games These People Believe that on Occassion Objects from Our Reality will “No Clip”.
  • “No Clip”/”No Clipped is When part of the Video Game Map becomes “No Clipped” and if You bump into it You’ll Pass Right Through It and More Than Likely Fall Off the Map Entirely. Once a Player has encountered a “No Clipped” Object or Area the Player is Stuck still Inside the Game, BUT in an Endless Void Beneath the Game’s Map.
  • Some People think Some Objects in Our World are Not “No Clipped” to Begin with, Yet They can become “No Clipped” from Reality. If You have a Keen Eye You can Spot and Avoid Them. Some Examples Include A Wall that Appears Darker then the Others Around It, Or You may find a Door that You’re Positive there is Nothing on the Other Side.

Are The Backrooms Real: The Truth

  • The Backrooms is a Creepypasta inspired by a Comment on a Picture of an “Unsettling Room” on 4Chan’s/x/board. The Comment inspired an Expanded Version of the Creepypasta as well as YouTube Videos on the Topic.
  • The Backrooms Creepypasta was made into a Short Horror Film and a Horror Series by 16 Year Old American Director, Visual Effects Artist, and Youtuber Kane Pixels ).
  • The Short Horror Movie The Backrooms by Kane Pixels was Uploaded to Youtube on January 7th 2022. The Basic Plot is while Filming a Camera Man Slips Through a Hole in Reality and Ends Up Trapped in The Backrooms.
  • The Horror Series The Backrooms also by Kane Pixels was First Uploaded to Youtube on January 7th, 2022 and Then the Rest of the Series was Posted over the Course of the Last Month.
  • The Backroom Series by Kane Pixels is Located Below in Chronological Order and  in its Entirety thus Far.

Enjoy.

Short Horror Film:

Thanks For Reading/Watching,

   Presented by Les Sober   

The Optica Network

Welcome to this Monday’s Post featuring Gothic Arthouse’s THE OPTICA NETWORK. This Set of Three Videos reminds Me of a Piece We did awhile Back Called LOCAL 58 (which is Located in the Strange and Disturbing Video Section) where a Local TV Station’s Broadcast Signal is Hijacked, and Ominous Messages from a Unknown Malevolent Force start Appearing on Local 58. It also reminds Me of an Upcoming Piece on the Happy Vally Dream Survey which is a Story for Another Day. Each Video has a Description Followed by a Weird Shit in the Video Weird Shit List. Let’s get Started Shall We.

Enjoy.

                   

Video 1: What Do You  See When You Dream?

Description: What You see when You Dream can mean different Things. tell Us, what are You seeing in Your Dreams?

Weird Shit List:

  • The Video Starts like an Old VHS Tape.
  • The First Scene is Someone who is Out of Breath staring out a Second Story Window at Someone standing on the Sidewalk Outside.
  • Logo For (Channel) 91 The Optica Network
  • First Message on Screen: Continued Learning What Do You See when We Close Our Eyes?
  • Announcer “Welcome to Start of Part 9” though there No Previous Videos/
  • Announcer Claims “Your Sleep may be Compromised if Someone Other than Your Optica Agent is Present.”
  • Then Optica issues a list of Red Flags for when You Sleep.
  • Flying= Expierancing Flight in Your Dream may suggest You’re ready to make a Bold Decision.” This is Followed by a Red Screen that Warns “DO NOT make Any Decision before Consulting Your Optica Agent.”

  • Falling = Translates to You losing Control of Your Will, and if You’ve Signed Your Optica Sign Up Form these Dreams Should Not Persist.
  • Being Chased = If Your pursued in Your Dream Report IMMEDIATELY to Your Optica Agent You may Need….(Video scrambles)
  • Drumwort: No Explanation Provided.
  • Being Trapped = If you find Yourself Trapped in Your Dream DO NOT TALK TO YOURSELF! Red Screen Warning “Duplicates are Dangerous and DO NOT APPROACH Under Any Circumstance.
  • A Class of Infants: Screen Scrambles before any sort of Explanation.
  • Ad for Selby’s Lookalike Service/Agency
  • Text on Screen: Dream Reports Remain Vital and there’s a Redacted Phone Number.
  • Screen goes black with Audio of a Patient and what most likely are Research Scientists. Text at bottom of the Screen reads: Confidential Optica Records NOT for Public Domain, and the Term Unexplained Re-Attachment.
  • Blue Screen who Text Reads “There is Nothing to Worry About” directly followed by more Text that Reads “Go To Sleep Immediately”
  • 91 Logo Pops up Again with the Message “He can Only Hurt You if You’re Awake.”

Video 2: How Long Does A Dream Last?

Description: How long does a Dream Last? A lot Longer than You would Imagine apparently.

Weird Shit List:

  • Again Starts like a Old VHS Tape
  • Channel 91 Emergency Tone Test.
  • Tone Test Announcement “If You hear a nUmbered Sequence during the Tone Test Report to Your Local Optica Agent IMMEDIATELY!”
  • Tone Test Countdown Screen.
  • Screen Post Tone Test: If You heard a Numbered Sequence contact Us Immediately and there is a Redacted Phone Number.
  • Ad for Sunday Family Fun Annual Mass Suicide that starts at 1 pm, and remember to Bring Your Own Instrument of Death.
  • Channel 91 Logo with Message: Thank You for Your patience We can now Return You to the Advice Hour.”
  • Advice Hour Tutorial: How To Fall Asleep.
  • VHS Tape appears on Screen and An Announcer says, “If You Haven;t already make sure to Pick Up Understanding Our Dreams the Century before Next Thursday Afternoon and that this is Compulsory Material.

  • Channel 91 Logo with a Garbled Indecipherable Voice Talking followed by a Blue Screen that Reads : Broadcast Compromised Please Hold.
  • Picture of a Phone with the word Sanctuary 5 in the Lower Left Corner.
  • Screen Goes Black with Text Reading: Confidential Optica Records. NOT for Public Domain. Dream Re-Call GQ167.
  • Audio Starts of a Patient recounting His Dream with Hospital/Medical Facility noises in the Background. The Suspected Patient talks about His Kids growing up and How He tried to Keep Them Safe from “Him”.
  • Emergency Broadcast: SLEEP IS VITAL.
  • Grainy Black and White Video of a Man talking about Keeping Himself Awake, When He does wake up He Doesn’t Remember Who He is, That He sees “Him” in the Distance, and Every time I sleep (“He”) gets Closer.

Video Number 3: Can Your Dream Predict The Future?

Description: Can Your Dream predict the Future? Process. Integrate. Understand. The Sleeping Brain works on Multiple Levels.

Weird Shit List: 

  • Once again starts like an Old VHS Tape.
  • Interior Shot of a House and its Front Door.  Someone Outside is asking the Resident Personal Information Questions like “Are You Capable of Recognizing Yourself in the Mirror?”, and the Residents Answers sound like Static like Noises with Translation in Subtitle Form.
  • Channel 91 Logo with Text: Continued Learning How to Describe a Dream.
  • Blue Screen: Understanding Dream Behavior Tutorial that References the First Video (Ironically titled Part 9)and State Dreams can be Prophetic.
  • Picture of the Sanctuary 5 Phone playing a Automated Recording of a Woman Saying, “You have reached the Optica Network Thank You for Calling, Unfortunately We are Unable to take Your call right now. In order to Report Your Dream Please leave Your Message After the Tone.”
  • A Man Leaves a Message apparently He is a Delivery Guy looking for a Mr. Brandrift to confirm the order for 4 grams of Gingerbread, and wonders if this is in fact a mistake. He then says there is time to make Alterations to the Order before it is Delivered.

  • Next Message is an Old Sounding Man that States “You have to Bring Me Back There’s been a Mistake I can’t Sleep Anymore.”
  • Third Message is Man Reporting His Dream where a mysterious Rope depends from the Sky. There Scientists there and one Grabs it and is Sucked Up into the Air and Out of Sight. The Last thing the Unfortunate Scientist is heard Saying is Drumwort Over and Over Again.
  • Hospital Security Camera Footage of a Hallway While a Man on the PA System Stating a Patient needs Assistance.
  • Yet another Voice Mail Message of a Man calling from the International Space Station. He/They are calling to wish “You” a Happy Birthday as is Tradition.
  • A Sleep is Vital Advertisment.
  • Black Screen with Text: Confidential Optica Records Not for Public Domain Patient 425 Re-Submerged. The Audio is of a Hysterical Crying Man pleading HE can’t Sleep Anymore. A Optica Representative Tells the Distraught Man ” You’re going to be Spending a Little more Time with Him for Us.”

  • Another Sanctuary  Phone Message from the Delivery Guy Again. He says the Order has be Altered and now it’s Just Herbs. Again He wonders if this is a Mistake, and advises there is Still Time to Fix it if it is indeed a Mistake.
  • Additional Voice Message from a Man Reporting His Dream that mimicked His Daily Routine Specifically His Bus Ride to Work every Morning. The Man says He’s calling because He Found Optica’s Phone Number on a Flier.
  • Channel 91 Logo with Text that Reads You are Watching the Obituary Hour.
  • Optica Logo Appears and Announcer Says “It is with a Heavy Heart We must announce the Death of Patient 068 Lorraine Nelson as She enters Eternal Sleep. May She be Remembered for the Great Sacrifice….Screen Scrambles.
  • Advertisement for Optica Juniors or Optica for Kids.
  • Sleep is Vital Message on Screen along with Optica Logo.
  • Channel 91 Logo with Text that Reads: Join Us Next Time for Inside Optica Network. Have a Question for one of Our Participants? Make Sure yOu Send them to the Following Address…Screen Cuts Out.

Thank You For Reading/Watching,

   Presented By Les Sober  

BELIAL’S DREAM

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post Belial’s Dream (2017) Directed By Robert Morgan who also Wrote the Screen Play. Belial’s Dream was Originally a Short Film Commissioned for Arrow Films’ Blu Ray Release of Frank Henenlotter’s  Movie Basket Case.

                   

For Those Who May be Unaware Basket Case is the 1982 Cult Slasher Horror Classic Directed by Frank Henenlotter and Produced by Edgar Levins. To Sum Up Basket Case in a Nutshell Duane and His Extremely Deformed and Psychotic Conjoined Twin Be are Surgically Separated as Kids. Duane carries  Belial around NYC in a Locked Wicker Picnic Basket as the Twins seek Revenge on the Doctor’s that Separated Them. I HIGHLY Recommend You definitely should check out the movie Basket Case as it is in at Least My Humble Opinion a True Horror Classic.

                   

So When I heard of this Video I was instantly interested because I love Fan Fiction Projects. It’s Insanely Entertaining seeing People’s Interpretations come to Life and become an Extenuation of the Movie Itself. Thusly when I saw the Title of the Video the first thing I thought to myself was that’s a Kickass Concept, and I wonder what a Creature as Demented and Deadly as Belial actually Dreams About? Could Belial dreaming of  Rainbows and Bunny Rabbits during His Psychotic Slumber? Yeah I don’t fucking Think So.

Enjoy.

Thanks For Watching,

   Presented By Les Sober  

Short Horror Film Friday: Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared

Welcome to Another Installment of Short Horror Film Friday featuring the Surreal British Cult Comedy Horror Web Series DON’T HUG ME I’M SCARED . The Web Series was Created by British Filmmakers, Graphic Designers, Artists, and Animators Becky Sloan and Joseph Pelling. DHMIS Consists of 6 Episodes, Released from July 29, 2011 to June 19, 2016 through The Artists’ Website, YouTube, and Vimo. Every Episode of DHMIS Utilizes Live Actors in Costume, Anthropomorphic Puppets, Traditional Animation, Stop Motion, and Computer Animation to Tell Each Story in the Series.

Each Episode Revolves around Yellow Guy (and His Father Roy Gibbleston), Red Guy and Duck Guy meeting One or Several Anthropomorphic CHaracters, Who begin a Musical Number related to a Basic Concept of Day-To-Day Life complete with an Upbeat Melody similar to that of a Nursery Rhyme. As Each Song progresses, it becomes Apparent that its Moral/Message is Nonsensical or Self-Contradicting, and that the “Teacher” Character has an Sinister Ulterior Motives. The Climax of each Episode Typically Involves GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, BLOOD SHED, GORE, OR PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR!!! Later int he Series, the CHaracters begin to Questioning the NAture of Their Reality and the Bizarre Messages of the Teachers.

Enjoy.

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4.

5.

6.

Thanks For Watching,

Presented By Les Sober & Justin Sane  

Happiness is a Warm Gun

I see the colors changing.

I’m finally realizing that life is like a giant kaleidoscope with its plethora of color and its fading blur to brilliant clarity. In amongst all of the chaos is everyone we know, everyone we have known. For a reason or for a season the experiences wilth these particular people influence us a great deal.

I have finally removed the negative aspects from my life. Most of the time my brutal honesty gets me in trouble. I feel I have nothing to hide even though this tends to scare the vast majority of people off.          

Of course I will not share many of my dreams with a whole lot of people because friends, strangers, and most of humanity will try to bring us down. They will tell us that our goals are unattainable, that we will inevitably fail. The people that tell we will succeed,  we keep closer or we regard as friend or at the very least we regard them in a positive light.

You see, I firmly believe the reason people put us down is not simply to put us down. It is their morose attitude towards our dreams because their dreams have failed them for whatever reason. They feel too old and too tired to move on and their dreams become stagnant.

   

Yesterday, I was fascinated by something I heard by two different individuals. Both were in their 40s and one of them is definitely not lacking in personality. Yet the boredom confused me a great deal. Sure, I have been bored at various times in my life but mostly because I hated the whole world. I let the malaise, the hatred, the general feeling of frustration, you know name it and if it was negative I somehow let it effect me. Boredom never though. I have too much to discover and explore and do. I will not give up like the rest of them. I will not be the drone the world expects and the world expects so many drones. They want us all to be drones.

The paradigms are shifting. The world is turning upside down. I can feel the light from certain people and it envelopes me. It effects me so much just like the negative. I sometimes feel it through every bone in my body. And then I smile.

   

I had forgotten what a smile was.

But back to the kaleidoscope. I have been through enough frustration to throw the whole kaleidoscope down to the ground. I tried to break it but it would not break. I always felt the light, the presence of something else inside of me. A shred of love, a shred of color. No matter the situation, we all still have the color inside of us, the love inside.

And that is all for now. Hope everyone has a Splendid Day, and may your hearts not be heavy and your cup somewhat full (at the very least).

 By SpaceDog

System Recovery

If you had a button to press in your life where you could go back to any different point, where would you go???? Who would you be with??? Where would you be going???

I’ve thought about this one quite a bit because of a dream I had today. It was really devoid of almost all detail. It was me and 3 other people whose faces I could not see running through a field.

In the past, I would have thought that these 3 people were some of the men I’ve dated, had relationships with from my past. At other times I thought these were people from the future. But the more I think about it and realize it does not matter where they come from.
It is just a dream and the main thing behind it is the happiness, the feeling of carefree, not trying to analyze the who/what/where/whens of the situation.

I do not know where I would push this button because every person who has crossed my path, well if I thought of them they each would have their own button in my heart. The only people whose buttons would intercept would be 2 hot guys from a threesome or people whom I had only met at a concert or on vacation. The people closest to me and my soul and my being and my heart well…….

There would be no one place….there would be innumerate multiple places.

I mean sure for selfish reasons, I might choose to go back to a place where I had tons of money or I had naivety in love. These might not be satisfying to me now though because everything changes. I’m sure if I could go back to when I was 18 I probably would bitch slap myself and start screaming, “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???!!!”. That actually might be fun as long as I didn’t scar the future me that is currently writing this schlep.

Honestly though this is probably a cop out but I would go back to one of my favorite concerts of all time (there have been several) and I would bring all of my closest friends throughout the years. And they would all get along. And run across the fields in bliss. It would be just like my dream. Only with audio.

 By SpaceDog

Dreams Reunited?

I actually wrote the blog I’m about to type below offline. I had a very traumatic event (that I caused in full) which led to my banishment from a certain place. I will keep this matter private. The lesson here is do not brag about your lack of misfortune. It may and will come back to bite you in the ass.

DREAMS REUNITED?

Life is very strange on occassion. Well most of the time. People rise that were long thought to be dead. Misfortune brings some of us together; while on other occassions good omens actually can tear people apart.

And in between all the quicksand, betwixt the most recent firestorm I created something strange occured. I began to become aware of my dreams.

Not the things I want to do in my life, not the things like that. But the dreams we all have occuring somewhere deep in our unconsciousness, deep in our sleep.

The dreams at first became apparent to me at a time I would least expect them to do so. I am under firm belief that these dreams came to me because of my recent alcohol blackout. While I know it is highly unlikely that this triggered some mechanism in my head, it makes more sense then not.

You see, I had not remembered a dream or having a dream in a very long time. Six months to be exact. Six months since the time my doctor thought that a good experiment on my brain would be to give it Ritalin. They have not occured since that moment.

Yet I would trade back all the dreams I have had the past three days if I could do so. These dreams have been nothing special, nothing I could turn into great (or even mediocre) stories, movies, cures for cancer, you name it. But this price I paid for the recent dreaming is never worth the dream I suffocated.

I’m not really sure what this dream was. I’m not even sure if it was ever mine or ever tangible existed. It did on some level but I do not choose to analyze which at this moment. Yet I kept myself so incredibly dilluted with seriousness and plans of grandeur, which would take months or years to achieve not the days or hours which I so desired, that left me unable to sleep on this dream.

I will never know for sure. Yet apparently now I have an eternity to sleep on this dream. I’m not even sure that I can really do anything about it. I know I cannot, not directly. It may have never even been my dream. I may never know.

It is now simply one of the dreams I wish upon everyone.

Peace, love, and happiness. I cannot or should not expect to be able to deliver this gift to another, not at this given moment. Not when they do not exist within. I am an expert at moments of all of these attributes, yet a master at none.

Do any of us ever truly master these things? I always feel there is more work to do. No matter how good, no matter how bad things might be. People have repeatedly used me for all of these attributes. I need to learn to keep more of these to myself.

I am 31 years old right now. It is my turn to try a lot harder and not just grace the masquerade ball wearing the mask of trying hard.

There is a point of hope that began in my life on May 22nd. Perhaps I am speaking too soon. I don’t really care. I need to have this hope. I can whine and complain all I want but I would rather be an inspiration. I do not know how to be this or much of anything but I NEED to try. I cannot afford to put that torch down ever again.

I want to carry the world on my back, but I must carry my own reignited dreams, first and foremost….Dreams Reunited?

By SpaceDog

Yay cinema! part uno

Every since I can remember I have always been a sucker for a great movie. I will literally drop everything when one of my favorites comes onto my television. I will do what I call the G rated Hollywood cyber stalk when I come across any new actor or actress I’ve discovered who can act and is pleasing to the eye. I will literally pan down the list of movies someone has been in and try to watch as many as possible in that one day. Clearly, this has made my amount of blog posting suspect at best or if we are being total honest non-existent.

There is no real great recollection of my first movie. When it comes to theaters, that movie was E.T.  I cried at the end though I really cannot remember. Literally the next thing I remember about movies is making characters that I thought should be in movies. Not in specific movies. In my movies.

I would see these people in my head while in somewhat of a meditative condition. They would tell me all kinds of intricate details about their lives, their dreams, hopes, desires. Of course, since I was 12 and had little knowledge of the world, these were not exactly groundbreaking. I hid them from everyone. I had suspicions that my parents were reading any little thing I ever wrote and I really did not want them seeing.

So all my childhood characters and playmates ran away. In the beginning they simply made their way to the trash can. Later in my teenage years, the pyromania took full effect and they were always burned. Sometimes by a chant, sometimes by the dead silence of the night, it was a way to let them go again. I didn’t need them taking space in my head just in case they were some kind of malevolent spirit.

For a very long time all of these people, characters, and even a few animals went away. Perhaps it was my dabbles in drugs (or lack thereof as I had rampant visions during my teenage nuclear winter years), my self-deprecation gone awry, or modern technology sucking the life out of me. Most likely it was just everything pilling up into some great big shitstorm all at once.

Then something started to change in the past week. It all started with a seizure. I always portend seizures as a sign of change or trouble and I was not sure exactly what this one would bring. The majority occur when I am passed out or crunk as fuck so it honestly was quite the surprise. Luckily I was seated and it was relatively mild, no loss of consciousness, no loss of surroundings.

Afterwards things began to take remarkable change in my life. I noticed myself laughing again and honesty could not remember the last time I seriously laughed at the complete mundaneness of the world.

Something opened up inside of me. It was almost sexual in nature but without any arousal. It felt like being proud of having snagged someone for the night who is out of your league. It felt like passionately kissing a former lover at the train station never to see them again. Waving goodbye at them with the passion of 19th century mob at a departing ship. A few fake I loves exchanged was the cherry on top of your amicably departing orgasms.

Yet this wasn’t sexual. This was more. This was everything. Yeah sure the internal sadness is still here but it’s kind of like this eternally pestering buzzing noise in my apartment. It can always be drowned out. I was doing a decent job swimming until last night.

That is when it all changed yet again.

To be continued…..

By SpaceDog

First Loves

I have not been writing in a while. I realized some of the things I say I am going to write about and don’t write about, well basically the reason I do not write about them is because well they are not really all that important. I say I’m going to blog about the status of my weight loss and this bullshit and that bullshit but I don’t really care. If I really gave two shits about that I’d be looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger back in the day.

Wow I can’t believe his name is in my spell check. I highly doubt my last name will ever make it into the spellchecks of the universe one day. I really hope not actually I’d rather change my name to muffinsnatch. That would be kinda neat to have pop up as a possible spelling in spellcheck.

It’s funny though how in life we get so caught up with the stupid shit and lose sight of the big picture. I really hate when people use the phrase “The Big Picture” because truthfully the big picture for them is nowhere even close to what it is for you. It is so profoundly different for everyone involved. A lot of people don’t have the depth to see this. It is rather unfortunate.

Thankfully I do. Thankfully I see that while my dreams may meet up with the dreams of others at a crossroads or two, my dreams are not theirs, they are not mine.

I have been blessed with the ability to succeed in many different undertakings. Unfortunately many of the different things I have undertaken do not have a glass ceiling. Even if they did have a glass ceiling, I have long since shattered it. It is time to move on.

That being said. While I love writing and love the blogging and such, it is not my first love. No person is my first love. That distinction goes to music.

No matter how many times I may be disappointed or alarmed or happy or jubilant or whatever, I will always come back. I will always be on the search for more. Unfortunately I do not see a concussion at any point in my future so my talent will be none or hope to god everyone is in a blackout and doesn’t remember anything i attempted.

To me it is just better then a first kiss, better then the first shot of liquor, the first spike in my arm, the feeling of love I get when I’m talking to that special someone. There is nothing that can replace the excitement, the pure glee in all my veins on the night of a show. Heck even when someone local has a gig I still get the same kind of rush and excitement and bliss.

I may write more in the future, god knows I have so so much I have not written about. But for now I am embracing my first love and making as many Tracks as humanly possible or until I run out of money to buy blank CD’s and the cases to put them in.

Maybe along the way I’ll mix some sounds together but regarding that one I have one thing to say. Don’t hold your breath.

 By SpaceDog