The Art Of Self Mummification

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post pertaining to the illegal Art Of Self Mummification. While the Practice of Mummification (made Famous by the Egyptians) has its Own Page in the Book of Demented History it like so many things gets Even More Extreme. And what could be more Extreme than Mummifying a Person’s Corpse? Well how about Mummifying Yourself while You’re still Alive. That was the Case in back in the Day with Certain Sects of Buddhist Monks in Japan until Emperor Meiji Outlawed the Practice along with any Forms of Suicide (even though those who Practiced Self Mummification did Not consider it Suicide) back in 1879. It’s important to Note that there was a Good Deal of Terminology So Much so that We decided (for Time and Length Purposes) to Comprise a Glossary. The Glossary is Located Below the Text for Your Connivence and Now back to the Interesting Shit. You might be Wondering What was the Practice of Someone Mummifying Themselves while Alive all about? Well let’s find out Shall We.

First off the Term used in for the Process of Self Mummification in Japan was called Sokushinbutsu which Translates to “Buddhas in Their Own Bodies.” Sokushinbutsu is referring to the practice of Buddhist Monks observing Asceticism to the Point of Death, and Preforming mummification upon Themselves while still Alive. Traditionally it was/is Believed that the Mummified Monks had entered a State of Deep Mediation rather than having Died, and that They were/are still able to Grant the Prayers of Their Partitioners. There are Cases of Other Buddhist Mummified Monks in Other Buddhist Countries especially in East Asia, but They were Mummified after Death from Natural Causes. It’s Believed that Shingon School founder Kukai was the One who introduced Sokushinbutsu to Japan as Part of Secret Tantric Practices that He had Learned while in Tang China. In Addition to that the Sokushinbutsu Ascetic Practices of Shengendo were likely Inspired by Kukai, Who was the Founder of Shingon Buddhism. Kukai ended His Life by Slowly Reducing His intake of Food and Water, Ingesting Natural Preservatives (to Aid in the Self Mummification Process), and then Stopping Food and Water intake all together while Continuing to Meditate and Chant Buddhist Mantras.

Ascetic Self Mummification Practices have also been Recorded in China, but are associated with Ch’an (Zen Buddhism) Tradition there. Alternate Ascetic Practices similar to Sokushinbutsu are also known to have Existed such as Public Self-Immolation practice in China. The Final Purpose of Shegendo is for the Practitioners to find Supernatural Power and Save Themselves (as well as the Masses) by Conducting Religious Training while Traveling through Steep Mountain Ranges to Achieve Buddha Nature. In the Mountain Dwelling Region of Japan Shugendo emerged as a Syncretism, and the Practice was Perfected Over Time Particularly in the Three Mountains of Dewa (Mount Haguro, Gassen, and Yudono).

Now We have touched on the History of Self Mummification, but as for Actual Process of Self Mummification We haven’t so Here We Go. The Practice of Self Mummification was Mainly Practiced in Yamagata in Northern Japan between the 11th and 19th Century by the Members of the Japanese Vajrayanc School of Buddhism called Shingon (which Translates to ‘True Word’). In Medieval Japan the Practice was Developed into a Specific Process for Sokushinbutsu which a Monk could Complete from Beginning to End in Approximately 3,000 Days. The Process involved a Strict Specialized Diet called Mokujiki which translates to “Eating a Tree” while Simultaneously Restricting Food. They also Slowly decreased Their Water Intake to Help Dehydrate Their Bodies and Shrink Their Internal Organs. At the End of the Process a Monk Abstained from All Food and Water relying on Pine Needles, Resins (example Tree Sap), as well as Seeds found in the Mountain Regions of Japan in Order to Eliminate All Fat in the Body. In Addition the Monks utilized Fasting and Meditation in order to Expedite the Process.

Once the Monk was Almost Diseased They were put into a Wooden Barrel and Lowered into the Ground before the Barrel was Covered with generous amount of Charcoal. The Monks would take a Small Hand Held Bell that They rang the Bell as the Chanted Buddhist Mantras until They Died. Once the Bell ceased ringing the Monks knew Their fellow Monk had indeed Died. The Body of the Now Diseased Monk was Left for in its Wooden Tomb for 1,000 Days before being Removed. Now here is the fucking Kicker out of the Hundreds of Monks Attempting Self Mummification ONLY 17 Actually Accomplished the Task. Imagine that Shit, Seriously how utterly fucked up is that We mean talk about shitty Odds. So after Enduring the Gruelingly Prolonged 3,000 Days of Continuing Agony Slowly Starving Yourself to the Brink of Death, Effectively then Buried Alive until You Die, and Once it was all Said and Done it fucking Didn’t Work.

By the End of the Process the Monks Died in a State of Jhana (Meditation) while They Chanted the Nenbutsu (a Mantra about Buddha), and Their Bodies would become Naturally Preserved from the Inside Out. The Mummified Monk’s Skin and Teeth remained intact without Decomposing with out the Use of Artificial Preservatives such as Embalming Fluid. It’s Important to Note that Many of the Existing Buddhist Mummies are Wearing Sunglass which does Seem fucking Odd. There is a Valid reason for this and the Reason is Human Eye Balls unlike Teeth/Skin Decay Away thus the Use of Sunglasses to Hide the Empty Hollow Eye Sockets. Many Buddhist Sokushinbutsu Mummies have been found in Northern Japan and are Estimated to be Several Centuries Old. Ancient Texts suggest Hundreds of Mummified Monks are Buried in the Stupas and in the Mountains of Japan (and are Revered by the Practitioners of Buddhism to this Very Day).

One of the Alters in the Honey-ji Temple of Yamagata Prefecture, which is a Prefecture of Japan Located in the Tohoku Region of Honshu, is the Home of one of the Oldest Mummies of the Sokushinbutst Ascetic named Honmyokai. There is at Least one Self Mummified Buddhist Monk  named Sangha Tenzin (who was more then likely a Practitioner of Tibetan Buddhism) from the Northern Himalayan Region of India that was Confirmed to be 550 year Old. Tenzin’s Mummy can be Viewed to this Day at a Temple in Gue Village, Spiti, Himachal Pradesh. As I stated before it is Important to Note the Practitioners of Sokushinbutsu DID NOT consider the Practice as an Act of Suicide, BUT rather as a Form of Enlightenment.

Glossary:

Asceticism: The Practice of Self Discipline and Abstinence from All Forms of Indulgence Typically for Religious Reasons Spiritual Goals.

Dzogpu-Chenpo: The Traditional Teaching in Indo-Tibetian Buddhism and Youngdrung Bon that is Aimed at Discovering/Continuing in the Ultimate.

Ground: is a Primordial State that is an Essential Component of the Both the Dzogpu Tradition and Bon Tradition from the Nyingma School of Tibetan Buddhism.

Syncretisym: Is the Combination of Different Religions, Cultures, Or Schools of Thought) between Vajrayana Buddhism, Shinto, and Taoism in the 7th Century which Stressed Ascetic Practices.

Stupas: A Mound like or Hemispherical Structure that contains Relics and are Used as a Place for Meditation.

Shut Endo: A Body of Ascetic Practices that Originated in the Nara Period in Japan that Evolved during 7th Century (710-794 bc) from a Combination of a Variety of Beliefs, Philosophies, Doctrine, Schools of Thought, Ans Ritual Systems found in Folk Religions.

Folk Religions: Japanese Folklore that encompasses the Informally learned Folk Traditions, Customs, and Material Culture.

Shingon Buddhism: Is One of the Major Schools of Buddhism in Japan, and one of Only a Few Surviving Vajrayana Lineages in East Asian Buddhism.

Shinto: A Religion Originating from Japan that is Classified as an East Asian Religion by Theologians, and regarded as Japan’s Indigenous Religion.

Tao: In Chinese Philosophy is the Absolute Principle Underlying the Universe, Combing within itself the Principals of Yin and Yang and Signifying the Way, or Code of Behavior, that is in Harmony with the Natural Order. The Interpretation of Tao in the Tao-te-Ching developed into a Philosophical Religion known as Taoism.

Taoism: Diverse Tradition Indigenous to China Characterized as Both a Philosophy and a Religion that Emphasizes Living in Harmony with Tao. Tao is generally understood as being the Impersonal Enigmatic Process of Transformation Ultimately Underlying Reality.

Buddha Nature: The Potential for all Sentient Beings to become a Buddha or the Fact that All Beings already have a Pure Buddha Essence Within.

Prefecture: An Administrative Jurisdiction Traditionally Governed by an Appointed Perfect which is a Magisterial Title of Varying Definition, But Essentially refers to the Leader of an Administrative Area.

Three Mountains of Dewa: Are 3 Sacred Mountains of Mount Haguro, Mount  Gassen, and Mount Yudono which are grouped together in the Ancient Province of Dewa. Haguro, Gassen, and Yudono Mountains remain Sacred in the Shugendo Traditional to this Day.

Vajrayana: Is often Translated to simply mean “The Diamond Vehicle”. Both Tibetan Buddhism and the Japanese Shingon Buddhism are Vajrayana Lineages. Tibetan Buddhism is Predominant in Tibet, Nepal, Bhutan, Sikkim, and Mongolia. It was Taught in and Continues to be Taught in China, Usually by Tibetan Masters.

Zen: is a School of Mahayana Buddhism that originated in China during the Tang Dynasty as the Chan School or the Buddha Mind School, and Later on Zen later developed into Various Sub-Schools as well as Branches. From China Chan spread South to Vietnam and became Vietnamese Thein, Northeast to Korea to become Soon Buddhism, and East Japan becoming Japanese Zen.

Self-Immolation: IS the Act of Setting Oneself on Fire and is Mostly done for Political or Religious Reasons, often as a Form of Protest or in Acts of Martyrdom. Due to its Disturbingly Violent Nature Self Immolation is Regarded as One of the Most Extreme Methods of Protest.

 

It is What It Is,

Presented By Les Sober

FYB Saturday Splatter Movie: BLOOD FEAST!

FYB is Ecstatic to bring You what is Considered to be the First Ever Splatter Film EVER MADE! This Video Nasty is the Cult Classic BLOOD FEAST composed, Shot, and Directed by “The Godfather of Gore” Herschell Gordon Lewis Himself. BLOOD FEAST immediately became Notorious for its EXPLICIT VIOLENCE AND GORE. Also the Main Character/Killer Fuad Ramses has been described as “The Original Machete-Wielding Madman”open the Door for Future Characters such as Micheal Myers (Halloween Franchise) and Jason Vorhees (Friday The 13th Franchise).

           

Brief Synopsis: Fuad Ramses and His Family have relocated from America to France, where They Own and Operate an American Style Diner. Unfortunately for the Ramses Business is less than Stealer so Fuad takes a Night Job working in the Museum of Ancient Egyptian Culture. There He is compulsively drawn to a Seductive Statue of the Ancient Egyptian Goddess Ishtar. Before long the Statue of Ishtar starts speaking to Fuad through Visions, and Finally succumbs to Her DEADLY DESIRES!

After Surrendering to The Statue of Ishtar’s Malevolent Charms Fuad begins a New Life in which MURDER AND CANNIBALISM become His Daily Routine. He starts to Prepare a Ritual Feast to Honor Ishtar with a Lavish Affair SOAKED IN BLOOD, ORGANS, AND INTESTINES OF HIS VICTIMS! As The Butchered Bodies are stacked upon the Alter of Ishtar, Fuad slowly Descends Deeper Into Utter Insanity until He serves Only as Ishtar’s Human Puppet. The Only Issue is Ishtar Thirsts Not Just For HUMAN BLOOD, but She wants the Blood of Fuad’s Wife and Daughter as well!

           

What Have People Said about BLOOD FEAST? Find Out Below.

“I’ve often referred to BLOOD FEAST as a Walt Whitman Poem. It’s No Good, but it was the first of its Type” -Herschell Gordon Lewis

“It was the first Gore Movie….Now, it looks kind of funny, but it’s still REALLY SICK.” -Lux Interior (Horror Aficionado)

“Offensive, Nasty, Shabby, and Revolting, but also Great Fun, if You can Stand the Sight of BLOOD AND GUTS.” -Jerry Renshaw  (Austin Chronicle)

“This is One of the Most Important Releases in Film History, Ushering in a New Acceptance of EXPLICIT VIOLENCE that was Obviously just waiting to be Exploited.” -Dennis Schwartz (Ozus’ World Movie Reviews)

           

BLOOD FEAST Tag Lines Include:

  • Nothing so Appalling in the Annals of Horror!
  • ADULT HORROR!
  • Weird, Grisly Ancient Rite Horrendously Brought to Life in BLOOD COLOR!
  • You’ll Recoil and Shudder as You witness the SLAUGHTER AND MUTILATION of Nubile Young Girls-in a Weird and Horrendous Ancient Rite!

A Nightmare of PURE GORE in VIVID BLOOD COLOR!

Enjoy.

(NOTE TO READER: If You don’t want to Read all the Shit I wrote above OR are Not Totally Sure if Based on what You read if this Movie is For You RELAX. We have included the Official BLOOD FEAST Trailer for You to check Out First if Need Be.)

We Hope You Enjoyed this Splatterday Special as Much as We Did.

Thanks for Watching,

  Presented By Les Sober

Absurdia Menu InTro: Meet Our World Class Staff (Head Executive Chef & Sommelier)

Our Head Exclusive Executive Chef is The World Renowned Chef Jumalallinen Syo known around the Globe for His Innovative and Unconventional Cooking Style.

Syo was born on July 22, 1929 in London England Considered The Culinary Capital of The Northern Hemisphere, and is famed for being the most Important City in The World for Restaurants.

Syo’s Father Chef Guihart Guildersleeve Syo was the number one sought  after Chefs of His Time having earned 47 Michelin Stars over the course of His 47 year Career in The Culinary Arts.

    

Growing Up Syo was only permitted to Read Cook Books, and Traveled Extensively with His Father during His formidable years Studying, Learning, practicing, and honeing His Culinary Craft.

In His Travels Syo experienced The Global Palate, and upon returning Home to England opened His first Restaurant the now Legendary La Hedoniste at the tender age of 18. La Hedoniste (French for Hedonist)  Modeled itself Aesthetically after The Great Banquets of Ancient Egypt,Grease, and Rome with a truly decadent Menu to Match the Ambiance.

    

In the following Years Syo went on to Winning The Following:

The Skanji Od Kuhanja Ward (1939)  The German’s Billig Isst Competition (1942), The Chef of Chefs Contest Title (1950), The Annual Foodie Award (1999-present),  Mongolia’s Minii Iljig Idekh Grand Master Championship held Only Once in a Decade (1980) , The Independent Press Fuck Guy Fieri Award (2015-Present), and the Prestigious Oral Academy’s Ooh La-La Grant for Culinary Creativity (2012).

Syo joined The Absurdia 24 hours after it opened in 1999, and along with His Sous Chef and (4th Cousin Removed) Sir. Chauncey Wellington has been blowing the minds of Food Critics, Fanatics, and Professionals for the past Decadent Decade Elevating Culinary Cuisine to a New Level of Palatable Perfection.

Our Exceptional Sommelier Bebado Iezersana was Born April 1, 1919 at The Highly Revered Pijak VinYard which is considered by Those in the know as The Finest Vineyard in Finland.

As a Child Growing Up Bebado’s Father Afengi Iezersana only allowed Him to Eat the Various Types of Wine Making Grapes. At the young age of 9 Bebado was given His first Glass of Wine a  PIAT Les Boudots 1928 (a Bottle of PIAT Les Boudots runs for 474,000 Euros or Over $500,000 U.S. in Today’s Market.)

At the age of 9 Bebado attended The Elite French Vin Blanc Academy where he spent the next 10 years intensively studying the Various Grapes used in the making of White Wine (such as The Sauvignon, Chardonnay, and Riesling) in excruciating  depth and detail.

Once His 10 year Tutelage ended, Bebado now 19 traveled to the remote Romanum Island,Chuuk, Micronesia to take a Decade long Internship with the reclusive “Wizard of Red Wine” Pierre La Rouge.

Having Mastered all Knowledge of Red Wine making Grapes such as the Merlot or Cabernet Sauvignon for example by age 29 once again Bebado packed up His meager belongings, and continued His Educational Adventures Abroad.

Bebado’s journey then led Him to Johannesburg South Africa in search of the Champagne Prodigy, and World’s Number One Authority on the subject of any and all things Champagne Pezsgos Alom. Under the strict mentoring of Pezsgos Alom Bebado became a Bonafide French Historian who expertise was The History of The Champagne Region in France.

10 Years later Bebado had surpassed Pezsgos Alom who promptly went down into His Grand Wine Cellar, and Drank Himself To Death on some of the World’s Finest and Rarest Champagnes. His last words where:

“I am a Ship, Champagne is My Captain, and The Captain always goes down with the Ship.”

On His way to America Bebado was contacted by Barclay Grande Moccia of the Rose-Blush Institute of Pink Wine. Barclay offered Bebado a Scholarship to Rose-Blush to which Bebado replied that He rather be forced to drink Fortified Wine for the rest of His Life than give a single moment of His time with such Trendy Trash, and that Rose/Blush Wine was a Sin against Dionysus (The Roman God of Wine).

In 1973 Mr. Eddie Osterland was Awarded the First Ever Master Sommelier Certification, and instantly became Bebado’s Idol and personal Hero.

That was Until 1984 when Mr. Fred Dame became the First Person to Pass all Three Parts of the Master Sommelier Examination at Once which is known called Winning The Krug Cup (The 3 Parts are:  Part 1. Theory (Oral Not Written) Part 2. Deductive Tasting of 6 Wines. Part 3. Practical Wine Service.)

More motivated than ever by His New Sommelier Icon Fred Dame Babado recommitted Himself to a Life Long pursuit of Wine Enjoyment and Knowledge. Babado took the Court of Master Sommeliers Introductory Examination January 1, 1985 scoring a Total of 101/100.

Bebado signed up the next day for the Court’s next Examination to become a Certified Sommelier. On January 3, 1985 Bebado aced the Exam with a Record Total Score of 102/100.

Bebado Passed The Court’s Advanced Sommelier Exam (without taking the Recommended 1-2 years of Preparation) on January 4, 1985 with a Total Score of 103/100.

Finally completing His Education and Certification on January 5, 1985 Bebado took The Court’s Master Sommelier Examination Winning the Krug Cup in RECORD TIME OF 51 Minutes and 15 Seconds with a Total Score of 104/100.

Since Passing The Court of Master’s Introductory to Master Sommelier Examinations in under a Week the World was Bebado’s Oyster. Bebado had His pick of the World’s Finest Restaurants like Pretentious Pretentious, and working along side The World’s Top Chef’s such as Chef Willard Z. Dullard.

Bebado made Absurdia His Home on February 5th, 1999, and has been dazzling Our Patron’s Pallets with The Finest Wines, and Food Pairings. The Absurdia is referred to as “The House Bebado Built.”

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

Texting In The Eye of The Shiticane

Once again I find myself having to Apologize. Repeatedly in Our continuing attempt to raise f-yourblog.com up to its full potential have suffered another self induced delay. Well what can We say other than We fucked up, BUT We are working diligently to defuckulate the situation.

As it were We had f-yourblog.com had the offer of a lifetime so passing on it wasn’t even considered and option. Thus We have been away somewhere across The Pond for the last 10 days being Spoiled like motherfuckers. I’ll leave it at that for now as it will be covered in a Piece to be posted in the immediate future.

As soon as I was Stateside I texted SpaceDog and preceded to have yet another of Our Legendary Texting Sessions, and This One Made The Cut.

So without further ado I give you TEXTING IN THE EYE OF THE SHITICANE:

SpaceDog: Oh Shit were u in Italy? I think that’s where u told me u were going at one point. Oh you missed it a 120 minute trump shitshow press conference. Highlights include him saying Democrats are gonna dig up dirt on george washington and that the world at the UN was laughing with him not at him (complete with nonsensical 10 minute explanation)

Les: Yeah We were in Tuscany. 120 minute trump conference…did Hell freeze over while I was gone?! Did hear trump got his fat orange ass laughed outnof the UN LMFAO!!! So officially the entire fucking world is mocking the shit out of trump while laughing right in his fucking face!!!

SpaceDog: Fuck u diane lane. I mean nice. Nah he was talking a lot of crazy all week cuz the UN came to NY.

Les: We should lock the White House down like a CDC Drill, pump it full of MDMA through the AC Vents and let the GOPieces of Shit rape the shit out of each other to death. Problem Solved.  MDMA or Flakka Smoke. MDMA is too good for those fuckers! BATH SALTS IT IS!! That way the scumfuckers can eat each others faces while violently raping each other’s orifices beyond Surgical Reconstruction. LMMFAO

SpaceDog: Yeah bath salts. Maybe flake for trump so he’s also disfigured as he’s getting eaten. OK I’ve taken matters into my own hands.

Les: Seriously who the fuck goes to Medical School and decides to be a fucking Proctologist or Urologist?! I mean its the actual shittiest/ pissiest job of fucking medical Professionals?!!

SpaceDog: I’ve been deleting games and quitting games from my phone and computer so far taking me 2 hours. Trying to give all my shit away so i have no desire to fucking play.

Les: Someone’s parents happy about that? Like do they go to cocktail parties and brag their asses off about their wonderful son The Rectologist Ass Doctor OR do they just leave the Ass Doctor part out and just refer to their kid as Doctor?! DAMN.

SpaceDog: IDK maybe someone that likes seeing a lot of dick, but idk its not like u are seeing good dick. I mean i guess u are comparing best case scenario for dick and all i guess.

Les: That’s dedication to the cause. 2 hours of deleting shit?! You sure you don’t work for the government? LOL!

SpaceDog: Like maybe one day u see someone 60 and say we;; I’m glad my balls may only sag a little bit and do not touch my knees. Yeah hillary had me delete some emails. It was mainly 90 minutes in one game mindlessly donating tokens.

Les: DICK WARS on FOX this Fall!

SpaceDog: Then finding  all the games in hidden places on my computer like a 14 year old with porn magazines or a guy trying to hide booze from the wife.

Les: So what finally made you want to get out of gaming? At 60 I’m tucking my testicles into my knee socks.

SpaceDog: Because I’ve been doing it 10-12 hours a day for 6 years.

Les: 90 minutes thats kinda hardcore.

SpaceDog: I keep going to all kinds of anonymous meetings and they tell me its not a problem even though I’ve told 3 different sponsors (recent) and 11 in total over the course of my life.

Les: LMFAO! BOOZE! PORN MAGS!

SpaceDog: Makes me think if dammer ever went to AA or NA they would say “Well as long as you are not drinking and reading the big book I really don’t see any issue with you eating a few boys every once in awhile.

Les: I apologize I haven’t smoked in 9-10 days and my Wife got CHinses Food so I’m all fucking over the fucking fuck

SpaceDog: No ganja in Tuscany? Haha i had Chinese today i think the greasy ass egg roll threw me into a rage.

Les: I looked into where you can get it and like America either you know a fucking guy or find a guy that knows a fucking guy. They said students and places with a younger demographic areas were where to look. That though is just painfully fucking obvious. Italy does sell legal “Marijuana Light” called so because of its fucking low ass THC level.

SpaceDog: The O’douls of Reefer

Les: Bullseye!

SpaceDog: I guess Amsterdam or Portugal would be better, actually even Canada is better.

Les: Its low as fuck all compared to the killer shit America is growing now a days and shit. People called it “fake weed” and complained about it giving them headaches and shit.

SpaceDog: I mean the cheapest legal place is Uruguay but I’d be scarred I’d get abducted there. Yeah if its from a machine its bound to be crap.

Les: Yeah I do love weed but not even I am going fucking anywhere near Africa, fucking everything in Africa fucking kills you. There was a store that was faker than fuck called CANNABIS that I looked into after hearing a ton of people shit talking it. Everything says Marijuana on it BUT ITS CBD ONLY, no THC whatsofuckingever. Its a classic fucking bait and switch false advertising scam.

SpaceDog: Uruguay is in South Africa but Africa yeah 1000 x’s over i don’t wanna go there. Maybe Casablanca if i can go back in time to when the movie was made or ancient Egypt but fuck current Africa. Oh whoopee do LOL! Thought i did almost buy gummies with CBD and melatonin but the dude wanted $30.

Les: Its all derived from the same fucking plant, but these cunters where misleading people by making them think they’d get a buzz, but it was just CBD your not getting Amsterdam Merch Here.

SpaceDog: Oh yeah so i may be quitting beer specifically because that entitled douchbag supreme said he really liked beer 15-20 x’s during his hearing. Maybe i will start the red wine. That’s the only booze i projectile vomit. That’s always fun.

Les: Kavanaugh is a complete CUNT, that fuck is getting raped by Hitler in Hell the fucking piece of living breathing fucking shit. CASTRATE KAVANAUGH! Cut his rotten cock off. AND NOW the rancid pecker fucker ruined BEER?!! GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. Is there any fucking thing Trump and his GOPieces of Shit don’t fucking shit all over for fucking fucks sake. Waterboard that Supreme Court Cunt with Natty ICE till he’s fucking deader than dead the asshole deserves it. Well if you gotta vomit projectile is the best way to go I believe.

SpaceDog: All things projectile is better except when you jazz past your face and have no idea where the wad landed.

Les: Who the fuck green lit Murphy fucking Brown 2018?! How the fuck is Candice Bergeron not dead as fuck?!

SpaceDog: Out of all the reboots (including Fuller House) it is by far the worst.

Les: Thats why I where a face mask when I jerk off.

SpaceDog: I fell asleep 3 different nights trying to watch.

Les: Yeah but unlike typically rebooted shit their continuing it like it never went off the air or some fuckshit, I mean Candice looks like a blonde Liza Minelli. Botox Bombed out Blound. I guess 45 to 50 fucking facelifts at least, and she still is older than fuck, and not that mush better looking in spite of the gross amount of Plastic Surgery. No one remembers that fucking show so in the end who fucking cares?! LMMFBO!

SpaceDog: They should remake this horrible show. Watch “Dangerous Women TV Show Intro” on Youtube. I vaguely remember my parents watching it and it not being very funny. Not the women murphy brown not so funny.

Les: Yeah it was all political as shit. “The Series Return” that’s how fuck me Fox is billing this Bullshattery.

SpaceDog: Only one I’m honestly glad returned from the dead is Will and Grace since no one seems to be in much of a hurry to do it. Christ sometimes i think I’m gonna have to do it myself. Though that Australian show with the gay guy was good. The Stuff nightmares are made of. It’s like they sewed together the faces of all the dead Golden Girls to remake hers.

Les: I think bringing back Will and Grace would definitely be interesting shit. TV has become boring as shit. I’d especially like to see it comeback under your direction. That be entertaining.

SpaceDog: Its been back gonna be year 2 this year.

Les: What Australian Show was that?! I must have missed that one? Getting older is a shit reason for being absent minded. What Really?! Dear fucking Christ on a cocking where the fuck have I been? Oh wait living under a fucking rock apparently.

SpaceDog: Please Like Me…..i think it’s on HULU. The main guy is gay but thats mostly it besides the guys he dates. It was on the networks on some weird channel i never heard of that got axed.

Les: Cool I just scored my Brother’s HULU password so GAME FUCKING ON!

SpaceDog: Do u use IMDB? If i sign up for an account, do you know if i can get alerted to when actors/actresses have new projects coming out? Like how Spotify tells me about albums and concerts.

Les: Sounds like one of those shows ahead of its time and shit so at the time the general moronic public couldn’t understand it and it met an untimely demise.

SpaceDog: Yeah its pretty fucking dark sarcasm humor not all daisies and bullcrap.

Les: I’m not even sure I can recollect what the hell IMDB is, I’m the Technology Anti-Christ or some shit.

SpaceDog: Internet movie database

Les: Dark Sarcasm I’m in.

SpaceDog: I see one hot guy in one movie and i cyberstalk everything they’ve been in.

Les: I really wish I knew of this database much fucking sooner.

SpaceDog: And drunk tweet them and shame delete in the morning.

Les: LMFBO! Shame Delete!!

SpaceDog: I just assumed everyone knew. I’ve been on the internet since AOL.

Les: Think we have all but been there. I’m a Techtard. I’m always having to fucking catch the hell up LMTB!

SpaceDog: The biggest “celeb” that responded was the sprint/Verizon guy. Can u hear me now? Trump would say thats bigly sad.

Les: That be trump for you that fat orange fucktard, that baby dick having bitch boy, could he want to fuck his daughter any more?!! The fat filthy son of a bitch scumfucking scumfucked scumfucker scumfuck! ORANGE WANK MAGGOT! I can’t WAIT to shit on Trump’s fucking grave. I’m talking downing Exlax like Beer before hand and a German Industrial Institutional Grade Enema on Site.

+I sent SpaceDog one of those Personalized Emojis that fucking look like you. It’s one of the really fucking random shit that just appears from time to time. Its Me holding the 50 pound Shit Emoji thats as big as my Avatars fucking head. And not only does the Shit Emoji have the classic Smile and Wide Eyes but this one has a bright pink ribbon on top. My avatars head is slightly tilted with a slight smile that makes me look like a fucking sociopath.+

Les: WTF is this emoji for?! I had to wait a fuck long time for an opening anyfuckingwhere to use this absurd fucking thing.

SpaceDog: Idk 1) when i tell you that may fiber is working? 2) I just gave someone Benefiber recently maybe then? 3) can’t wait to shit on your face 40 text it to the Wife immediately before you give her a Dutch Oven.

Les: It looks like I came to your house, rang your fucking doorbell, and then presented you with a 50 pound pile of shit emoji like some fucking welcome to the neighborhood type shit cake or perhaps its a congratulatory “Its a Girl” new born baby gift?! Or just plain old pile of shit thats as big as my fucking head with a bow on the bitch to make it what a fucking present?! IT FUCKING DOESN’T ADD UP BABYCAKES! #3 Winner Winner Chicken Dinner! Second Place #4.

SPaceDog: Third place i shit so hard your toilet is clogged u need a plumber. They need a guy with his asscrack showing emoji.

Around this Time Gorged on Opulent amounts of Chinese Take Out, and High as a fucking Kite I fell the fuck asleep so sue me. And thus concludes this installment of Les and SpaceDog’s Textology.

 

By Les Sober & SpaceDog