Tag: electrical fire

A Year in The Podunk Press

We decided to relocate to the Southern Country just in time for their busiest year in News for Decades. See nothing note worthy happens around here News wise though Gossip runs rampant like a fucking Plague. The usual News are Hunting/Fishing/Camping/Agricultural Articles or Reports, Local Church’s Schedules, Local Government (aka Town Hall Shit), Weddings/Births/Deaths, and Local Events such as Fish Fries and all that sort of shit.

This Year though has been the 100 year acceptation (I think its safe to assume nothing News Worthy has happened here in at least century or so.) It just goes to show you even in the middle the No Where Woods the clique clique Shit Happens proves to be true. Here’s The Run Down for the Last Year here in Podunktoria (Population Few Hundred):

Three Idiot Burglars and Arson. Three Local Guys planned and executed the robbery of several local stores at 4 am Wednesday night. The Stores where located next door to each other Row Home Style. After loading up their car Two of the men fled on foot into the dark of night. The Third Guy was the designated Get Away. Now here is where things go complete wrong for our remaining Felon. Apparently the Burglars had cased the stores, and planed the robbery for a hour the damn well knew NO BODY would be on the road or around.

The one thing these three idiots didn’t do was monitor the Police activity. Granted theres not a whole hell of a lot of Police Activity (Our town has 2 and We have Guns because of it, and the Neighboring Town has 3 Full Time Cops and 2 Part Time Police Officers), but there is some. So since someone forgot to do their criminal homework there was actually a Local Cop on Patrol that was driving by right after the Robbery accrued.

Now this shit makes NO SENSE. The Get Away Driver does something completely unnecessary and utterly moronic. He gets in the Get Away Car after setting a fire to eradicate any evidence, reeves up the engine, put the Peddle to the Metal, and sped down the Ally way to Main Street. Then this Ignoramus pulls out onto Main Street full fucking speed Hell or High Water. Thats when the Get Away Driver almost T-Bones the Cop on Patrol. Well The Robber punches it and the chase is on. The chase ended the the Get Away Drivers Car got away from him on these pitch black and winding country roads, and crashed into a drainage ditch. This Robbery/Arson is in this small town these were 3 a a very few Stores/Shops that were open and doing daily business. On top of that there was a shit ton of cool antique shit stored on the 2nd floor of the three buildings such as a Model T with all its original parts, and a 1920’s large oak Bar to name a few.

The Get Away Driver was taken to a near by Hospital where he was interrogated by the Police before giving up his accomplices names. He’s partners in crime where both arrested immediately at their respective residences. The Clique that proved true for these 3 would be Robbers that “There is NO Honor among Thieves”

2. The Chicken Farm Fire. A Massive local Commercial Chicken Farm had several buildings and Pens that weren’t currently being used because the County Officers had shut them down for Outdated/Unsafe Electrical Wiring. Finally after stalling for years The Chicken Farm was in the very begging stages of replacing said shitty electrical wiring when Fate’s Clock ran out. Apparently some of the faulty wiring sparked and ignited a fire. Now the Pens/Building in question where old and weathered, the wood that comprised said structures was drier than Death Valley and went up like a Bon Fire run amok. Before any could do a damn thing the Fire speed like hot butter on toast. The Fire took hours to get under control and the fire has been ruled “Accidental”. The Chicken Farm is in the process of rebuilding their lost facilities.

3. This just happened last month that being The Metal Recycling Plant Fire. The Local Metal Recycling and Car Crashing Plant became part of a Hazardous Container Disposal Program. This dictated anyone with empty containers with toxic chemical residue could drive to the Plant and drop off the empty containers. Now apparently there is no sorting or separating of these Chemical Containers their just all lumped together in a rather large collecting Bin. In school science was my strong suit and neither was Chemistry, BUT even I know mixing Chemicals can be dangerous/hazardous. Well some of the various residues leaked out of the containers and combusted into a fabulous inferno in no time flat. When the local Fire Departments arrived there was little they could do accept keep the fire from spreading outside the perimeter of the Plant. It took 4 days until the Fire burned itself out. The Metal Recycling Plant is in the process of rebuilding. There is still lingering concern about the possible health risks posed to residents from the Smoke from the Chemical Induced Fire.

4. THE BODY IN THE LAKE. I know even I’m fucking relieved this one has nothing to do with fucking Fire. This happened literally down the street and around the corner from our current Offices. Last Wednesday around 5 pm a concerned Citizen phoned the Local Police because he was concerned there was a Body floating in the lake. The Police showed up along with EMT’s and the Fire Department and shut the road down near a favorite fishing spot along the Lake’s banks. After searching for quite a while they located the body. Up till now the only details the Police have released are the Body was a Unknown Clothed Male. I found that funny as usually these sort of details are Sex, Race, and Approximate Age. Since then all the Police have said is that they were waiting for an autopsy to establish cause of death and the identity of the deceased. The Locals speculated it was either a boating fatality, accidental drowning as in perhaps the man had a seizure/heart attack or the like and fell overboard.

That was until today. Today the Police released the following information The Identity of the Deceased, and the cause of death had been reported by the Coroner as Murder. The Police are looking for a suspect.

Well Thats a Years worth of News from a tiny town in The No Names Woods.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

The Unraveling of a Small Town Arson

Even in a tiny rural town shit happens just not nearly as frequently as in more populated areas at least. Last night though a lot of shit was happening in the wee hours of the morning.

The original details as discovered and spread by the Locals:

At 4:oo am a fire of undetermined origin had broken out a utterly destroyed all three store fronts where the fire occurred. It sucks because this is a egonomivcaluy depressed area and these 3 stores where in the small handful of local businesses that have avoided bankruptcy. There was a secondary reason the fire sucked was the owners of the 3 stores had insanely awesome antiques such as an original Model T car and 1900’s all oak Soda Bar that also were destroyed in the fire.

Now this is where small town life gets even smaller. Right after the fire and I mean the very next day as soon as the sun came up. The town split into 3 schools of thought.

School 1 Thought it was just a run of the mill accident due to old buildings with sub par electrical wires and shit.

School 2 Thought it was Arson caused by Vandals or some mentally ill drifter sort of person/persons.

School 3 Thought it wasn’t a random act of Arson, but a very specific target indicating a Family Feud that got well out of hand, and some one involved went rage crazy and was all ‘I’M GONNA BURN YOUR BUSINESS DOWN YOU BASTARDS!” Seriously feuds and grudges go far down here. An Example being There are 3 families who all own section of property. 30 plus years of futile arguing and disagreements (as well as a shit ton of underhanded and actually illegal shit going on) has lay way to intense resentments. The current generations involved in this land deal are still holding onto the grudges of the past generations.

Well why the Towns people speculated on the Local Police and Fire Chief had figured out what happened, who did it, and promptly arrested them. See there was a 4th School of Thought that no one attended, and that was Theft.

What Really Happened the the Night of the Arson. A local podunk officer was slowly cruising down Main Street at 4 am when a “an old and very beat up Chevy” came speeding out of the ally by the 3 stores that were burned. The speeding car almost t-bones the cop car, but luckily a collision was avoided that time.

People down here have a tendency when confronted by the Police to try and out run them. This case was absolutely no different. Immediately after almost causing a serious car wreck the Old, Beat Up Chevy takes off like his ass is on fire. A Police chase issues inevitably leading to the suspect driving too fast on windy ass roads until he drives off the road into a tree/drainage.

Again thats exactly what happened next in the story. The Driver survived the initial collision at least long enough to narc out his partners in crime. When inspecting the wreck the Police found the obvious reason for the Arson to cover a Robbery. The Chevy was crammed full of $1,000’s of dollars worth of merchandise from all 3 stores, and at that point they drew their conclusion. The Robbery wasn’t a personal matter nor Arson for Arson’s sake, but it was in an attempt to try and destroy all the physical evidence from the Robbery itself.

No one is sure if the Driver is alive, but his two crew members have been arrested and charged with Breaking an Entering, Arson, Resisting a Police Officer, Fleeing the scene of a crime, Grand Theft of over $1,000, and perhaps more but I don’t know currently so I for one WON’T Speculate.

Thanks For The Read Reader,

Les Sober