Tag: emergency

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (59/365)

The Bus Driver Slammed on the Break causing the Bus to Lunge Forward sending all of the Passengers falling forward all over one another. It reminded Lee of the World’s Most Fucked Up Domino Display Toppling Over. The Passengers pushed and shoved like a Bunch of Rabid Savages as They Untangled Themselves and returned to Their Feet once again. The Driver Threw Open the Bus Doors and the Passengers came flooding out like water through a Busted Dam into the empty Parking lot.

As Soon as Everyone was off the Bus the Asian Gamblers regroup and started talking frantically before They all took off Running like Their asses where on Fire. The Bus Driver yelled after Them to get back over by the Bus because leaving the Scene of an Accident is in itself a Crime. The Bus Driver’s words fell on Deaf Ears as The Group of Asian Gamblers continued to sprint off into the Distance like Their lives Depended on it.

“Where the fuck are They Going?” asked Dizzy confusedly as He peered around like a Methed up Meerkat.

“If I had to venture a Guess it’s because They’re afraid of Immigration or the Simply Fact They’re engauging in Illegal Gambling on Illegal Cock Fights.” snapped the Bus Driver irritably as He waited on hold with 911.

“That and They smelled like fucking Opium.” added Lee snidely since He resented the Bus Driver’s Attitude. He didn’t exactly know Why, but for some Reason it was Rubbing Him the Wrong Way. It was in all probability  just due to His Overall Frustration having found Himself in the Middle of a Grade 5 Hurricane  Sized Shit Storm.

           

“Hello 911 My name is Gus Gentry and I’m a Bus Driver for the City,” announced the Bus Driver Forcefully as He paced Back and Forth like a Caged Animal, “I got an Emergency and Need Immediate Assistance. What kind of Emergency? Every Kind You Got! I need an Ambulance, a Coroner, and some fucking Police Officers.”

As Lee eavesdropping on the Bus Driver’s Phone Call He peered around surveying the Scene laid out before Him in the Parking Lot. The Priest Dizzy had Assaulted was still Bleeding like a Stuck Pig as He attended to the Severely Injured Homeless Drunk. The Homeless Drunk was Laying on the Ground with His back up against the Curb Wailing like a fucking Banshee in Heat. The Priest had knelt down on one Knee and was Manically Praying Over Him in Hushed Tones rocking back and forth as He did So.

The Middle Aged Woman who the Homeless Drunk had Vomit Upon was Standing by a Defunct Lamp Post shaking like a goddamn leaf. This however didn’t stop Her from Launching into a Tirade about The Situation at Hand and Her Personal Predicament. In Front of Her was the Young Couple who looked shaken to Their Core and were staring Blankly into the Distance Obviously in a great Deal Shock. Lee left Dizzy’s side and wondered over closer to where the Woman was Standing to Observe the Insanity Close Up.

           

“I mean the Man Vomited on Me, and IN PUBLIC! A Man who Vomits publicly on a Woman is Not a Gentleman He’s a down right Abomination upon Humanity Itself,” said the Woman as if She was Preaching a Sermon in Church and waving Her Arms about like Epileptic Eels, “I have never been subjugated to such Degradation and Deviance in MY LIFE I tell You, and If My Husband was Alive He would have Slapped some Sense and common Decency Into Him. He’d have rolled up His Sleeves, taken off His Wedding Ring, Loosened His Tie, and given that Homeless Drunkard an Honest Ass Kicking!”

Lee found it fascinating Entertaining that the Woman spoke as if She was under the Impression it was 1922, and Chivalry wasn’t Dead as a fucking Door Nail. The Young Couple Meanwhile remained in a Post Traumatic Haze, all the Blood having Drained from Their Deathly White Faces, and Looked as if They would Collapse into a Heap at a moments Notice. Lee couldn’t Help but think that the Young Couple compared to the Businessman who was Actually Dead where the One’s Who in Fact Looked like Death Warmed Over. It was then Lee Noticed the Traumatized Bus Bunny sitting on the Curb Legs Splayed Open, Arms Flung About, Head Cocked to one Side, and Babbling incoherently. Lee walked over and decided to take a seat next to Her on the Curb.

“I Never…I Never…Never fucked a Guy to Death Before,” whispered the Bus Bunny aloud without even acknowledging Lee’s Presence, “I din’t know He was dying who Dies when They’re fucking? I didn’t know My shit was Sucking His Soul Out through His Pecker. My Muff is a Murderer.”

           

Lee got up as He had no Interest in Listing to Nonsensical Drivel so He returned to His Spot standing Next to Dizzy. Dizzy Seemed Greatly agitated He couldn’t stop fidgeting as He constantly shifted His Weight from Foot to Foot like a Nervous Prey Animal when They Know a Predator is Near. He was coated in a Clear Sheen of Sweat and His Eyes Darted about like a Hummingbird. Lee was perplexed by Dizzy’s current behavior as Dizzy didn’t seem like the Type of Person that let Never Let a Goddamn thing get to Them. Dizzy kept looking over obsessively towards Not just the Road but the Entrance to the Parking Lot as Well which reminded Lee of a Junkie on the Verge of Being Dope Sick watching Cars to see if can Spot Their Dealer coming with Their next Fix.

“What the fuck is Wrong with You Man You’re coming fucking Unglued,” commented Lee with a hint of Honest Concern, “This is undoubtedly a Royal Class A Cluster Fuck, But Hey it’s also great Free Entertainment so Why Not stay a While and see How it Ends?”

“Because I fucking Broke My Beer Bottle over a fucking Priest’s fucking Head, and He’s Bleeding like a Son of a Bitch,”replied Dizzy with a good deal of Contempt,”I don’t know about You Man, But I got Plenty of Better shit to do Today then to get fucking Arrested and Charged with Aggravated fucking Assault Goddamn it All to Hell!”

           

“Well We better have a fucking Plan B because the Cops beat Us Here Before We could get the fuck Out of Here,” said Lee as He watched Several Police Cruisers come Driving in like They were NASCAR Drivers.

“FUCK! FUCK ME! FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE! WHAT THE FUCK,” screamed Dizzy in a Panicked Rage, “What the Fuck Already I’m so fucked I’m going to fucking County Again Goddamnit.”

“Hold On Don’t worry just Yet,” advised Lee calmly, “With all the fucking Chaos We’ll blend in and then We can slip on Out when The Cops are Busy with all These Insane Fuckers.”

“Alright thats not the World’s Shittiest Idea.”Replied Dizzy as He did His Best to get His shit together and Maintain.

           

The Cops pulled up Their Brakes Screeching to High Heaven as The Charged in like it was World War III or some sort of National fucking Disaster was occurring. The Cops Piled Out of Their cars with Their hands on Their Guns and wearing Their Best Authoritative Faces. Some Police Officers rounded Everyone Up into a Small Group in Front of the Bus while a Couple Went over to Evaluate the Injured Priest and the Wounded Homeless Drunk. The Middle Aged Woman being a Shitty Snob immediately took center stage, and launched into a Full Blown “Poor Me” Victim Spiel worthy of a fucking Oscar. A Few of the Officers broke off to Handle the Fighting Roosters that were still Raising Hell inside of the Bus. The Police Officers Boarded the Bus and were Attacked Mercilessly by the Roosters as They Flapped Around trying to Claw out the Officers Eyes. This was all the Police Needed to Use Deadly Force, and The Officers on the Bus drew Their Weapons and Unloaded Clip after Clip into the Flock of Furious Foul. The Gun Shots continued until Every Raging Rooster Lay Dead Riddled with Bullets.

As The Barrage of Gunfire on the Bus was in Full fucking Swing an Ambulance came and the EMTS were tending to the two Injured Men. The Wiped as much Blood as possibly off the Priests Head before Bandaging it to the Point it looked like They were attempting to Mummify Him. One EMT escorted the Still Frantically Praying Priest over to the Ambulance. The Other EMT turn His Attention to the Homeless Drunk who ended up on a Stretcher with a Free Ride to the Nearest Hospital’s ICU.

     

The last to Arrive was the City Coroner who seemed to be in No Rush at all since where the fuck was the Dead Guy gonna go?! They touched base with the Police Officers before They Boarded the Bus. As soon as They did the Lead Coroner started Bitching Loudly about the Rooster Massacre He had to wade Through to do His Job. That was until He reached the Deceased Businessman’s Corpse then He really flipped he fuck out Big Time. Lee couldn’t make out the Words as They were muffled by the Confines of the Bus, but He could tell by Tone exactly how the Coroners Felt about the situation. After a Healthy Dose of Venting the Lead Coroner stuck His head out the Bus Door and looked around until He spotted His Subordinate.

“HEY PHIL,” the Lead Coroner Bellowed, “This Stiff is so covered in Bodily Fluid I’m talking Blood, Spit, Vomit, Piss, Shit and Semen WE don’t need a Body Bag We Need a Goddamn Body Condom for this Guy.”

Stay Tuned for the Next Unsettling Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (60/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Be Sure To Tune Into Local 58 WCLV-TV Community Television

Local 58 is an INSANELY Creative Horror Web Series By Kris Straub and Presented in a “Found Footage” Style of Story Telling. The Series Appears to Span Several Decades from the Late 1960’s (possible Early 70’s) all the Way Up To 2019 so Far.

At the Start of the Series there were Only 4 Videos Online those being “Contingency”, “Station ID”, “Weather Service”, and one Titled “You Are On The Fastest Route”. Later on Down the Road a Fifth Video called “Show For Children” was Added to the Lineup. Subsequently Three Additional Local 58 Videos have been Posted since the Original Five if You will. Those Videos are “A Look Back” (Posted August 27, 2018), “Real Sleep” (December 19, 2018), and “Sky Watching” in November 2019.

The Video “Contingency” appears as if it was Shot in a Film Format while the Video “Show For Children” seems to be presented in a VCR Format. This Indicates the Series has Progressed from the 1960’s to the 1980’s. The Series Jumps ahead in Time After “Show For Children” to a 2014 . Thusly the Videos can be Rearranged into Chronological Order According to Their particular Time Frame as Opposed to Their Actual Posting Date(s).

The Plot Unfolds Predominately through a Series of Public Service Announcement, Public Warnings, and Emergency Broadcast’s being Transmitted On Local 58 WCLV-TV (there is Some on Screen Text as Well that Also has a Key Role). The Premise is there has been an Unknown World Wide Event Occurring while Local 58 WCLV-TV is Providing Public with Vital Information. Why is The World being Plunged into a Wide Spread Mass Panic? Could it be Nuclear War, a Government Conspiracy, Alien Invasion, Natural Disaster of Epic Proportions, Deadly epidemic, a Meteor Speeding toward Earth, or is Humanity facing the Actual Apocalypse? Who or What is behind it this Hysteria Exactly, and Who may be Involved?!

          

That’s what makes such a Creative Endeavor as Local 58 so Fascinatingly Mesmerizing is You have to Decipher the Series for Yourself. You have to Think for Yourself and Draw Your own Conclusions in the End. It’s a Series You can Watch Over and Over Looking for (and Finding) Subtle Details, Secret or Unseen Clues, Hidden Hints, and Underlying Nuances. All in All the Local 58 WCLV-TV  Web Series is an Unnervingly Masterminded Multidimensional, and Multilayered Master Piece. Enjoy.

Thanks for Watching,

  Brought To You By Les Sober

Shotguns, My Grandfather & The Guy Who Should Have Died

My grandparents lived in a Farmhouse built circa 1883 on a massive 1,100 ache plus property down south in a tiny town know as Podunk. Every summer and every Christmas my family and I would drive down to  visit my grandparents on the farm since my brother and I were off from school. While the town was so tiny (that when it got a second traffic light it was a big goddamn deal let me tell you) there are 2 major trucking companies headquarters located in Podunk that run 18 wheelers all day and all night long transporting everything under the sun. Luckily when the main road in and out of Podunk was to be built they asked my great grandfather about its placement since( like the original 19th century dirt road) it would run through a portion of his property. So instead of having the modern road run directly outside of the Farm house’s front yard gate he decided to have it built this time with a huge curve that brought the road out to a 1/4 of a mile from the main house. Between the farmhouse and the new road is essential a giant grassy field with a semi circle dirt driveway that allows the house to be accessed by 2 separate entries from the outlying road. Now on the outer side of the large curve is a 6 1/2 foot ditch (before you reach the woods) and for the life of me to this very day I have no idea why the town hasn’t put of warning signs for the truckers. See if your driving an 18 wheeler and are going slow you’ll hug the road to safety ,BUT if your driving an 18 wheeler and your going to fast you’ll run off the road and plumet head first into the aforementioned big ass ditch.

One summer while we were visiting my grandparents when late one night we all got one hell of a scare. What set off the insane events of that night started when a trucker driving a rather big tanker truck filled with liquid pesticide was speeding a bit and thusly found himself plunging head long into the ditch of death. The first thing that saved the driver’s life was when he crashed he was thrown from the cab, but this only got him out of the frying pan into the fire. If I recollect correctly the driver’s injuries included (but not limited to) Broken and cracked ribs, internal bleeding, severe lacerations, 2 completely shattered legs, head trauma, fractured right wrist, and massive bruising not to mention he was in shock as well. When the driver gathered his senses and managed to look around at his surroundings (as well as thanking whatever god he prays too for not being instantly and violently killed) he saw the far off light of farmhouse’s front porch lights and knew it was his only hope or he would in fact die on the side of the road. So summoning all his remaining strength the driver slowly (and I imagine quite painfully) pulled himself using just his arms and dragged himself the 1/4 mile across the grassy field and across to the front yard. I don’t know if the driver couldn’t get up the stairs to the front porch, but he again dragged himself around the side of the farmhouse to what is referred to as the middle porch. Its called the middle porch for one simple reason which is back in 1883 fire was a huge concern especially if you lived in a small rural town. Thusly to combat the threat of fire the architects of the day designed houses so you’d have the  house with a middle porch in-between the main house and the kitchen as well as dinning room. This way if your kitchen (which was the biggest threat of fire) did catch fire the middle porch provided a buffer in-between.

Once the driver reached the middle porch he preceded to punch his way through the screen of the exterior door leading off the middle porch to the surrounding yard. The driver opened the door and then pulled himself up onto the porch. From there he once again dragged himself in excruciating agony to the door to the main house and pounded on the door like his life depended on it which it did. The driver was screaming bloody murder things like”There’s been an accident! HELP! HELP ME PLEASE! Oh God, PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR I don’t want to die out here…” obviously to get the attention and aid of the homeowner (who for all he knew wan’t even home).

Now as one might imagine being that it was around 2 a.m. in the morning, virtually pitch black outside (no streetlights or urban sprawl makes night even darker), and we were located in such a rural area outside of a tiny town that we were basically on our own (the average police response time to the property is around 40 minutes or more.) There are 2 bedrooms at the back of the house on the 1st floor across from one another my brother and I slept in one and my parents slept in the other. I remember opening our bedroom door just a minute crack as to allow a singular eye to peer out into the hallway. I saw my father too had cracked open my parents bedroom door and glanced over at me to give me the universal “STAY THERE” hand gesture. All of us were freaked the hell out and had no idea what to do because like I said if there was a crash alright, but it could be some sick son of a bitch trying to gain access to the house and all that terrible shit. A minute or two of being frozen in place by paralyzing fear I heard the familiar sound of the wood stairs creaking as someone came down them and immediately looked to see what was going on there to see my grandparents. My grandfather being 6’3″ with a poker face made of stone and a shotgun in each hand was leading the way down the stairs.  My petite 5 foot nothing grandmother was literally right behind him and looked flustered as hell. My grandfather walked to the door not saying a word, unlocked it and forcefully swung it open. The driver collapsed backwards as the door flung open to see my grandfather standing there in his pajamas silently pointing a wicked looking pair of shotguns at him. At this point it was obvious there had in fact been a horrendous crash and there wasn’t some deranged rapist serial killer, and my parents and grandmother went into crisis damage control. My grandmother called 911, my father asked the man what happened and my mom frantically gathered first aid items. Meanwhile my grandfather continued to stand in the door way completely quite still aiming both gun barrels at the injured driver. After assessing the initial situation my grandmother suggested we move the injured driver off the porch and into the house’s main hallway, and it was then my grandfather spoke for the first and only time during the whole ordeal. What my grandfather said I will remember to the day I die and its only one singular sentence                         “Don’t bleed on my carpet.”

Note to Reader: The driver was taken by ambulance to the nearest hospital for emergency medical treatment. My father called the hospital the next day and was informed the driver was alive, stable and would completely recover from all of his various injuries.