Tag: emotions

What Is More Relaxing Then A Fucking Serial Killer?!

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post featuring RELAX WITH MICHEAL MYERS by Content Creator Paul McNeils (Nicknames: ER, Uncle E, or BigE) Who’s Youtube Channel is known as Ephemeral Rift. McNeils started His Youtube Cannel in 2011, and the name is comprised of Two Random words without a Specific Meaning. In 2012 McNeils came across a ASMR Landscape Scene while poking around on Youtube. From that Point on McNeils began to Focus more on Character Driven ASMR Videos which was Opposed to the Traditional ASMR Content at the Time. We have to remember that back in 2012 ASMR was just a Niche Genre which Eventually took off like a Real Serious Motherfucker Gaining more and More Traction/Popularity.

For those Who may be Unaware Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response (ASMR) is Defined as: ASMR is a Subjective Experience of “Low Grade Euphoria” characterized by a Combination of Positive feelings and a Distinct Static like Tingling Sensation on the Skin. It is Most Commonly Triggered by Specific Auditory or Visual Stimuli, and less Commonly by Intentional Attention Control.

This Video was brought to Us by a Friend and is the Best piece of Absurdist Comedy We’ve seen in a Long fucking Time. The Last thing We Actually Enjoyed in the Arena of Absurd Comedy was the Masterful Go the fuck to sleep (by Author Adam Mansbach which is described as a Satirical “Children’s Book for Adults.”) read by Samuel L. Jackson Video. The Simple but Entertaining and Effective Gimmick is a Contradiction of the Senses where Your Eyes and Ears are Conflicted. Your Ears hear all the Calming Audio that is Intended to Relax You, BUT at the same fucking time You’re Seeing the Infamous Horror/Slasher Movie Iconic Villain Micheal Myers (from the Halloween Movie Franchise) creating the Soothing Sounds. The Opposing Information confuses a Person’s Brain as it Relies on the 5 Senses for Any and All Information needed to Live and Survive. Again Your Ears are informing Your Brain that Everything is Chill while Your Eyes are Informing Your Brain that There is a Danger in Your Mist. Even though Micheal Myers is a Fictional Horror Movie Character Your Brain recognizes Him as a Possible and Deadly Danger. That Recognition Invokes a real Sudo Fight or Flight Reaction on a More or Less on a Subconscious Level.

Now Who could Explain Their Video better then the Content Creator Themselves so Here is Ephemeral Rift on Ephemeral Rift in Their Own Words:

“Good Now! And welcome to 12 years & counting of… well, I don’t know how to describe it: an original, authentic, fearless, and eclectic blend of art, comedy, horror, music, philosophy, fantasy, gaming, food, life experience, and whatever else my brain comes up with, using ASMR as the primary vehicle to deliver a thought-provoking, entertaining, tingle & sleep-inducing experience. I’m a mostly self-taught “jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none” father, husband, artist, internet dad/uncle/comedian/actor, musician, philosopher, universe builder, sound sculptor/audio engineer, photographer, prop/costume designer, foodie, etc. Seeds of inspiration are planted in my mind by the world around me, be it a pebble, a tree, a passing comment, a word spoken in a conversation, etc., etc. Other notable sources include H. P. Lovecraft, Monty Python, Douglas Adams, David Lynch, The SCP Foundation, King Diamond, and a myriad of other people, artists, films, philosophers, video games, etc., etc”

-Paul McNeils (AKA Ephemeral Rift)-

It Is What It Is,

 Presented By Les Sober

Shits and Giggles: I Am Your Grandma

Welcome to a little midweek madness featuring I Am Your Grandma by  multimedia artist and filmmaker Julian Mayer. I Am YOUR Grandma is an manic autobiographical video diary if you will that Mayer recorded for her unborn grandchildren. By posting the video on YouTube, she conducts a sociological  study of why people feel compelled to share their personal lives with a entire world made up of anonymous strangers, and whether this sharing affects the actual emotional significance of the video itself. I Am Your Grandma challenges notions of one’s self-perception of mortality, social media, and  one’s legacy after they succumb to death. This video is a grim reminder we never live as long as we’d like.

See you on the other side,

  Otto Rageous  

The Mystery of Hi I’m Mary Mary

Welcome to “Hi I’m Mary Mary” which is an Extremely Obscure Homegrown Horror Web Series that first appeared on Youtube (on July 10, 2016), and the Series is Still Ongoing to this Very Day. It’s Dark and Intense with a Seriously Cool Pick Your Own Adventure/RPG Interactive Aspect. So What is it all About You Wonder? Well We aren’t quite Sure exactly, but Heres a Run Down of the Pertinent Points/Information We Have.

            

“Hi I’m Mary Mary”:

  • The Series Main Character is Named Mary who wakes up in a what She refers to as “A Copy of My Parents House”, and Has No Idea how She got there.
  • All the Doors in the House are Locked and The Windows are Unbreakable Trapping Mary Inside.
  • Mary does find a Video Camera and has Internet Access (Though She can’t See What Anyone is Posting/Saying or Responding to. Simply Put its a preverbal One Way Street).
  • The Series Spills Over in Mary’s actual Twitter Account and Her Blog. Each Platform pervades it’s Own Clues and Insight as to What is Going on in the House and with/to Mary Herself.
  • Mary uses the Video Camera She finds in the House to Document Her Time in the House since well, She seems to have Nothing but Time considering She’s Trapped. The Day are rather Uneventful, But when Night Falls All fucking Hell Breaks Loose.

           

  • There are a Total of Five Separate and Distinct Characters in Addition to Mary Four of Which are Demonic Living in the House, and Exist Only to Torment Mary Relentlessly (again Mostly at Night). The Fifth is The Lady In White Who is a Mysterious Ally though Mary May be Totally Unaware of this Fact.
  • The First Evil Entity in the House is Beauty who appears Only when Mary is looking in a Mirror. Beauty appears wearing a Dress and a Flawless Mask, and Laughs Hysterically Mocking at Mary. Beauty is believed is the  Embodiment of Mary’s Physical Insecurities.
  • The Veiled Lady appears at the End of the First Video and is the Most Predominate of the Sinister Spirits Lurking in the House. She has almost a the Leader of sorts to the Ghastly Group. The Veiled Lady also gets More and More Aggressive with Mary, and is the Only Entity that can actually Speak Directly to Mary. It is believed The Veiled Lady is Symbolic of Depression.

           

  • The Shadow appears when Mary Feels Safe and has a Noteable Trait. That Trait is whenever the Shadow is present Phrases Flash on the Screen (example “I Feel Nothing.” and “I Messed Up.” and the Shadow makes Mary in Her words “Feel Terrible.”

Some of Mary’s Tweets pertaining to the Shadow are as Follows:

  • “The way it moves…its so unsettling. sometimes just seems…wrong. I don’t like looking at it- staring directly makes me feel bad.”
  • ‘I HATE looking at it. what does it even do? It just follows me around and when I look at it, I feel terrible.”
  • “god I feel so freaking empty.it’s watching me. why doesn’t it move quickly. it’s like it wants me to feel this.”
  • “its looking at me right now. at least i think it is. i’m going to go into another room and close the door. it will probably open it.”
  • The Shadow is believed to be the Manifestation of Regret.

            

  • The Darkness is the Most Ominous and Mysterious of the Four Ghoulish Ghosts. In one Video Mary chases The Darkness and Catches it, but When She Lifts Her hand The Darkness Absorbs into Her Palm. When Mary catches The Darkness the phrase “I’m a Monster” Flashes on the Screen. After this Encounter the Other Evil Entities have Their various Barriers Removed allowing Them to Become Bigger, Stronger, and More Terrifying than Ever Before. It is believed The Darkness represents Anxiety.
  • During the Series at one Point Mary finds a Way out of the House through a Door that Leads to What She calls “The Garden” (which is more like a Pond in the Woods, and sometimes its just Water).
  • The Garden is Peaceful and Calm it’s Mary’s Only Escape from the Hellish Abuse from inside the House, and She becomes Dependent on it to provide a Shelter from the Storm. Unfortunately for Mary the Garden starts to Decay the Sun Vanishes and is Replaced By Grey Skys and Rain. As time passes Mary starts to find Abandoned Places and Broken things around the Garden.
  • Mary’s visits to The Garden become Shorter and Shorter  as The Garden Starts to make Mary Physically Ill. It is believed the Garden Represents Drug Use/ Drug Addiction as it parallels the Five Stages of Drug Addiction (The Five Stages are 1. First Use  2. Regular Use  3. Risky Use,  4. Dependence  5. Disorder)

            

  • As the Garden Decay Away and starts making Mary Sick the Malevolent Spirits become Intenser and Physically violent towards Mary.
  • The Drug/Narcotic in Question is more than Likely Heroin. There is Repeated Footage of Mary Rubbing Her Arm specifically Her Upper Forearm (which is the Preferred Injection Site for Junkies which Leads to Track Marks). This Behavior is First seen in the Video “Check In” and continues through the Rest of the Series so Far.
  • It’s in the Garden We meet the Final Character The Lady In White and the Question surrounding Her is is She an Enemy or Ally?! From what We can Tell She is most definitely an Ally though Mary is utter oblivious to this Fact.

The Lady in White Hides Her face and Only Mouths words to Mary. If You watch the Videos in Slow Motion You can make Out What exactly The Lady In White Is Saying. Here are some Examples:

  • “This place is not good for you.”
  • “Mary, please listen to me.”
  • “Mary you are not ok…”
  • “You need help.”
  • “Please Mary listen to me.”
  • “You have to get out of here.”

            

  • It Appears the Lady In White is a Force of Good Desperately trying to Communicate with Mary but to No Avail.
  • There is a Hidden Message in the Source Code on Mary’s Blog that apparently is from The Lady In White. In Summation it states She is in fact trying to Communicate with Mary, But She believes the Four Malicious Entities in the House are Preventing Her from doing so. She states She isn’t sure if Anyone (aka the Viewers) can even see the Messages, Yet She thinks there is a good chance Someone will. She then attempts to say what exactly She wants to tell Mary, But the Messages Cuts Out. The Lady In White Says She’ll try Again and Again the Message cuts out before The Lady In White can Communicate Her Message. She implores Views to Assist Her in getting Mary the Emergency.
  • This Brings Us full Circle back the The House that’s a Copy of Mary’s Parent’s House. It is believed The House is a Representation of Mary’s Own Mental State. The House is Mary’s Mind Plagued by The Demons of Depression, Anxiety, Regret, and Self Loathing (Low Self Esteem).
  • Then if the House is Mary’s Mental State  Then the Garden is an Altered State like a Drug Induced High.

Below You Will Find the “Hi I’m Mary Mary” in its Entirety, but also keep in Mind that the Series is Still Currently Ongoing. Enjoy.

Hope You Enjoyed This Ongoing Cerebral Psychological Horror Series as Much as We Do.

Thanks for Reading/Watching,

  Presented By Les Sober & FYB (1219SFYB)

Fake Doctors: Blah, Blah, Bullshit

Ever since I was a young child, I have been affected by other people’s emotions and thoughts. No I cannot read the minds of people that I do not know and most of the time cannot read the minds of people that I do know. Sometimes I wish I could; most of the time I’m glad I cannot do this the majority of the time.

Yet when I have felt the feelings of others, the majority of the time this has frightened me. This has caused me to turn to alcohol (mostly) and turn to drugs the remander of the times. Usually there is so much negativity when I enter a room or false hope or fake smiles, that I have a proclivity towards not really associating with the general public all that often. 

I have taken recent steps to try and change this. I cannot and will not shut these feelings off anymore with psychotropic drugs, legal or street, ever again. It is rather hard for me to accept these kind of things as being real or being a blessing instead of a curse but I know they do exist. People have tried to label me in the past as having depression or bipolar disorder or (name a disorder ) they’ve probably said, “Yes! You do have THIS!”.

 

Newsflash to all those wonderful people that wear the biggest masquerade ball mask of all! This would be psychatrists to those of who may be wearing a mask of your own.

First of all, I do not accept your practice as a genuine medical science. It is a cash cow. Simply put: We are all human. We all get depressed and anxious and have mood swings and get too happy for things that we shouldn’t be getting so happy about. 

Another reason I do not accept your practice as legitimate is due to the fact that while, yes, I have in fact met the definition of clinical depression in the past but all that antidepressants have done is either make me more depressed or caused side effects so great that the idea of facing the world in any way, shape or form was most undesired.

What you may ask are these side effects? Everything from numbing of the face to sharp pains in my side (presumably my kidney) to having auditory hallucinations (which included by were not limited to hearing all music and sound a semitone lower then what actually was occuring) to homicidal nightmares to headaches that lasted for weeks on end to not having the full functionality of my brain available to me. 

Of course, all doctors and professionals in their field will tell you to bear through the side effects and they will go away. However I have to much of my brain to go without my brain. I’m quick with my mouth and well when it takes 30 seconds to coming up with something clever or meaningful to say versus 2.3 seconds (or less), I am completely dull and worthless to myself and others. 

How then did this depression go away? I made a choice to at least try and be happy. Do things that make me happy. See people that make me happy. Listen to music that makes me happy. It’s pretty amazing how a bunch of little things add up sometimes to complete the puzzle. 

No, I’m not perfect. I still make tons of really stupid decisions but the level of stupidity is going downward. I am the most relaxed I have been in my entire life. 

I am not really afraid of anything except writing. I love to write and since my life is relatively simple now, there is no excuse for me to not drop everything when I get a thought or idea. I guess fear stops me. I’m scarred right now. lol. well not that much more tired. 🙂

I just wish more people could see things the way I do. I don’t want to get into all kinds of specifics right now though, I’m too tired to think much more and too private to reveal all my intracacies in a public blog. Or most people wouldn’t believe what I am saying, at least the ones that think they know me. 

And with that I say naught more. 

By SpaceDog 

Flags, Days, and Ideas

So I do not have any idea how I came across this little tidbit I thought I would share. I find most things on the internet in a very random fashion. I think I was looking up British things, or British slang, or British boys, or text messaging abbreviations or what not.

Well actually it probably was something more like looked at a porn. The guys name was chris. Looked up christmas next. Singing christmas carols to myself. What holiday is today? That timeline is a bit too structure though. Probably was more like hearing lyrics in a song which brought up a random emotion I had to look into.

Law Day????

So yes Happy Law Day! Oh and loyalty day as well. Both holidays which were put into place by President Eisenhower. While the rest of the world has festivities to celebrate International Labour Day, we have Law Day.

Apparantly our president thought that these holidays were communist in nature. The exact reasoning behind this I have no idea, however this is from the party that brought us Freedom Fries, global hatred, and the great depression. So why not try to make us different from the rest of the world??

I mean if we want to get really conservative about things maybe then we shouldn’t really be allies with England. I mean you know we did war against them in the 18th century.

Or maybe we should reverse Jim Crow or teach more intolerance to our children under the guise of religion.

Loyalty Day????

As for Loyality Day, I have nothing against this one. If it means pledge of allegiances to the flag 100 times while standing on one’s head by all means do it.

However I think this holiday is rather dumb and repetitive. Shouldn’t we be loyal everyday of the year? I mean it falls along the same lines as Mother’s Day for me. I cherish and love my mother dearly but do I really need a special day set aside for me by Hallmark to buy her a card and some flowers???? I think it just gives stupid people a reason to be an ass 364 days of the year and then suddenly swoop down in their blazes of glory like some great big hero.

Yeah, hero of the douchebags.

Recommendations

So as my recommendations for this day, there are several. First, if you think the rest of the world is wrong and that today is a communist holiday by all means bust out your law books, dress like that annoying guy in the informecials with the flag shirt on, buy some whiskey, get a mullet, and start a random witch hunt.

However if you think the rest of the world is not wrong, formulate your own minor protest along with me. Break a law. Yes! Break a law!

Please do not break a major law. I don’t need to hear on the 6 o’clock news how some moron with an IQ of 80 raped a pig to teach them a lesson about the swine flu or how some dillweed was told to break the law and decided to piss in the middle of a supermarket (but in the Depends section, I mean that the responsible thing to do).

Minor, minor, minor. Roll through a stop sign going 5. Eat one too many grapes at the grocery store (however many that is). Play your music too loud in the car. Or any other law you deem to be completely stupid that will not get you jail time or a fine.

If you lack the capacity to do this it is okay. But if you do something silly and agree with me that the rest of the world is not celebrating a communist holiday, by all means post your mini infraction here.

I plan to play my music too loud and smoke cigarettes in the car in a town where it is considered illegal to smoke in the car!!! Oh no.

By SpaceDog  

Look How Brooding (I Was)

I decided on the old spring cleaning today. More like my portable DVD player is gathering dust and I need to find its extension cord. So even though the ideas of what I want to write are running through my head at a blistering pace, like sperm pelting the floor at a bathhouse, I’ve taken the lazy way out and decided to throw up a few brooding poems from about five years ago. I think I wrote them in rehab, hence the plastic bed references casually strewn in there.

Disowned

Why do I work to escape this very moment
When all I should do is tuck it away
How come my darkest world shines so bright
When it only brings me the fear of my plight

The hate in my soul drips forth with blood
While the bluebirds may chirp
I sit here in your mud
It’s like one thousand flavors rattle my cage
Dairy Queen and Lucifer, One and the same

My chest collapses slowly
While I wriggle in pain
Two candy canes half eaten
Melting in the rain

..I feel for my pulse but it’s not to be found
I’ve been riding in your carriage too long
But my soul is nowhere around

You still plague my soul
Even from far, far away
The wax from your candle
It melts my nightmares
Covers up all this dismay

And I used to run, I used to fly
There once was a time I never cried
Your heart it stayed open
Your veins never closed
The moths gracing your light bulbs
They practically glowed

And one day I’ll wake up
Maybe I’ll even truely care
But for this moment in time
This moment I own
Alone in my thoughts
Even though my brain isn’t home

I plot and I ponder.
I sit and I stare.
The tadpole didn’t come home for supper
But I still feel him there

And I know this isn’t reality
Yet it’s certainly not a dream
Just a slice of delusion
In a cherry pie choking on whipped cream.

(And then there is this one below.  I never titled it. I hate titles. They should die.)

-UNTITLED-

All my Johnnys have gone away
While I sat staring out the window
Trying to breathe in the world
When all I saw was the lamp post
And your reflection in a puddle

Then I sailed across the ocean
Looking for you
Looking for him
I wondered where your trail of bread crumbs led
But they only formed some lost circle
Empty of my heart
Crashing up my car

I ate a sundae with marshmellows
It tasted like you
Or wait maybe like him
And I put on some Jimmies
But they were too sweet
You tasted so bitter
Yet it was my dream
I swallowed my dreams

The boat then crashed ashore
My holy father whipped me
I just wanted your chains
To cramp my style
You squeezed my soul so fine

But I’ve lost your scent
The moon doesn’t rise
And your face isn’t on my quarter anymore
Just another dead president

And one day I do know
That something will rise out of the sky
I’d just take the sun
But you are my God
I don’t know if I should try

Yet maybe it’s my destiny
Just smelling you out
I’m not sure though
Because it may not be you
Might have been him
Singing through the birds
Nestling in my head

The queen of hearts left my deck long ago
Suffering without anything to hold onto
My kingdom has lost its peaceful rest

BY SpaceDog 

Interpreting Angels by Spacedog

I’m a firm believer in the fact that sometimes creativity, thoughts, and even emotions come from places completely outside of us. I struggled with this for many years during my drug addiction. I felt all the thoughts that blew by on the wind, that other people were having but never my own. I could not feel my own I was blocked, so naturally I thought all the good, bad, and ugly around me were me. There is a lot more bad and ugly apparent to the naked eye.
It is very good to say that the vast majority of the time now I can differentiate between the two. However when the thoughts are simple, pure, and genuine I do not really try and think, “Well where the hell did that one come from?”. We all like to believe that every good thought, intention, or deed comes directly from within us but sometimes it does not. Sometimes it is from an angel.
I believe in a lot of things. Most people that consider themselves religious would probably cringe when told all the different bits and pieces that my inner knowledge feels to be true. Most non-religious people might even feel the same way. I am who I am. There is one thing that I do believe. That is in angels.
Not in a traditional king james bible sort of way however. Angels can be dead or alive to me. Some peoples pure presence alone or amazing aspects in people that well frankly suck. I consider an angel to be inspirational. Some people can only retain that inspiration for short periods.
I admit I have had a few conversations in my life where I have completely shocked myself by some of the things I have said. Even while being the complete paradox of it. Talking about how great life is while considering suicide; talking someone out of using drugs while I was doing them on the other end of the phone line; the list goes on and on. Some may say hypocrisy . I say angel.
Am I calling myself an angel? Hell to the no. Touched by one? Much more likely.
Many of us believe in ghosts and entities that haunt, so why couldn’t there be angels?
We all have our gifts. Whatever moves you and drives you.
If you know what it is go after it wholeheartedly but do not succumb to the first inkling of failure.
If it is another person, then I really hope for your sake you are their sound producer, their roadie, their secretary, or perhaps if you like cigars their intern. Otherwise you will be disappointed when all the roses die. All roses die it is only their scent that lingers. Sometimes the scent is not enough.
When people leave us too soon, whether through death or any variety of factors we always question ourselves. Here is a little poem I’ve always liked.
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need
you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part
or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered
and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON,
it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
those things you must build upon
in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person/people (anyway);
and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. (Author Unknown)
So while we are generally confused, saddened, and distraught when old things end, we must move forward. The train can only go forward and not back. Sure we can pause to reminisce. Just don’t get stuck in the quicksand. Our friends, new and old, would not want us to be stagnant. I would rather be mobile and saddened, then like the great wall of china and mildly happy.
As for the poem, I truly believe that friendship is clairvoyant. One of my friends, who I would talk to generally everyday, would always call me at unusual hours. 6PM here, none at all there, 3AM here, 1PM, midnight, you get the picture. 90 percent of this time I could pinpoint within 30 minutes when he would call. I get urges for the same songs as others at the same times. It is uncanny. The list is endless.
So anyway I would like to thank the angel(s) that made this writing possible. I could not have done it on my own.
Do you ever feel an unknown, other worldly presences pushing you forward? I know I do. Otherwise I’d be writing about lesbians.

Suicide and The Soul By Spacedog

Warning The following article deals with the subject of Suicide.
If your suicidal stop reading this immediately and
PLEASE GET HELP.
If your suicidal my point is you have nothing to lose so why not seek help?
Suicide is the one regret you can’t do anything about.

COMING BACK AS SOMEONE DIFFERENT

Recently I have had a complete change in my psyche.  I do not know if this is due to failed suicide attempts or perhaps a mid-life crisis.  I mean, don’t most gay people die when they reach the age of say 60 if they are lucky.  Most of us seem to pass on quietly into the sunset, be it as a whore or be it as an admirer of cashmere sweaters.
Anyway so there I was about one week ago in the hospital after taking a whole bottle of sleeping pills.  I do not remember much of anything as I went into a complete delusional state.  But when I came back from my so-called coma, nothing really mattered at that point, but in a negative way. My feelings disappeared from me.
So too has my common sense as to how to post a blog hence.  I wish I didn’t have to be so cold and emotionless.  The simple pleasures of food and of the flesh mean little to me at this point.  Sleep brings no more comfort, as my vivid dreams haunt me.  My days linger forth.
I wish I could be the person I was a month ago, but he is long dead.  But he is still in there.  It’s like my failed suicide didn’t kill my body.  It killed some of my soul, not all of it.  Most of it is dead now.

IMPORTANT: This happened many years ago, and Spacedog is very much alive and well today having wrestled his Demons under control.

-spacedog-