Tag: Entertainment

Living In A Small Town: Friday Night Down At Timeout Tavern

There’s a Saying that “There is No Pace to Hide in a Small Town.”, and the Saying couldn’t be Truer. It’s Not the Geographical Confines that make Hiding Hard it’s the Fact that the cliche is True Everyone Knows Everyone Else. Not only that but They know all About Their extended Family, Achievements, Down Falls, The Good, The Bad, and all the Bullshit In-between. You see Gossip is the Social Currency of the South that the Majority of the Population Banks On. I’m Not necessarily bitching Here because I knew this before Ever Moving to the Souther Country, and as such Deemed it as Something that comes with the Territory.

Last Year Timeout Tavern Opened providing the Town with it’s First Actual Bar and Local Drinking Hole. Not only did Timeout Tavern Open in a Small Town it did so During the Pandemic, and it Thrived mainly due to the Locals  being to Stupid for Their Own Good (I guess it falls Under doing Something Good (supporting Your Local Businesses) for the Wrong Reason (IT’S CALLED QUARANTINE). Anyway I digress. Luckily Timeout Tavern and Most of the Locals Survived the Brunt of 2020, and is Doing Better than Ever in all Honesty. I attribute the Tavern’s Success to One Main Factor and that being that Before Opening the Owner did Her Homework. She got a Lay of the Land if You Will Seeing what the Market was like and Moreover what People where Looking for. In a Small Town a Bar is more than just Booze it’s the fucking Entertainment Center for the Entire fucking Town.

            

You have to Remember Small Towns literally Shut the fuck Down at 6pm and there is No Night Life to Speak Of. Thus Timeout Tavern provides Booze Obviously as well as Food (Up until there Opening all We fucking had as a Stellar Chinese Takeout Restaurant as Our Sole Option), There Pool Tables since the Locals love Killing Time at the Pool Table, Special Events like Ladies Night, Karaoke Thursday Nights, and Live Bands every Saturday as Far as providing a Variety of Entertainment Options. It should also be Noted  that in a Part of the Country still Languishing in its Love of Tobacco the Owner researched the Local Laws Pertaining to Smoking, and Established a way for Patrons to Smoke inside.

Finally After My Wife and I were Fully Vaccinated and it had been the Full 2 weeks Post Second Injection had an Opportunity to Check Out the Timeout Tavern for Ourselves. It’s a Nice Bar nothing fucking Special, but its definitely not some Shitty Hole in the Wall. The Owner and Bartenders are about the Nicest fucking People I have ever had the Pleasant Surprise of Meeting. The Patrons are made of Locals from Town as well as the Neighboring Town being that its only 8 Miles Down the Road. Everyone is friendly as fuck and Buying Shots for One another is a Very Popular thing to Do. So Since My Wife’s Work Schedule has Relaxed a bit We have gotten into the Habit of Hitting Up Timeout Tavern on Friday Nights, and this Friday was No Exception.

 

The thing that Stands Out as Odd as far as Timeout Tavern is Concerned is in a Small Town full of Blue Collar Laborers (and Avid Church Goers) is the it gets Busier the Later it Gets, and Timeout Tavern is Open till 2 am or Later if Business is Booming so to Speak. I figured the Peak Hours would be from 5pm the Time most People Around Here Clock Out for the Day and perhaps 10:30-11:00 pm Tops. The Truth of the Matter is Timeout Tavern Business Starts Picking Up around 9:30 or so. It Picks up to the Point where there’re Three times as Many People there When We Leave then when We Arrived.

This Works well Because There need to be Enough People for Me to People Watch and be Entertained, but Once it Starts getting Crowded (like Saturdays with the Live Bands and All) I get fucking Irritated and Leave. I Don’t like People though I can Tolerate Them for Shorter Periods of Time. I hate being Packed in a Loud and Noisy Bar like fucking Cattle with No Personal Space to Speak Of. Also the More People that come is Directly related to the Volume of the Music in the Bar so More People the Louder the Music. I am a music Lover No Doubt but I can’t fucking Stand it being so Loud I can’t Hear what the fuck People are Saying to Not being able to Think Straight. To Me that’s Not Fun thats fucking Irritating to No End.

                 

When We Arrived there was a Handful of People there as Per Usual and We sat down across the Bar from a Big Old Country Boy and Who I believe was His Father (all I know is it was Some Silver Haired Weathered Looking Biker who He seemed Quite Comfortable with). Time went by uneventfully for the Most Part until a Moronic Immature Man-Child came in and got Too Drunk for His Own Good. Then the Sloppy Drunk Juvenile Jackass insulted the Poor Bartender when He ordered a Round of what is called “The Fat Hooker”. This Feeble Minded Fool is so Intoxicated He kept calling the Shot a “Fat Whore”, and then Announced to Everyone Near by that He had Never bought Anyone a Fat Whore, and that the Skinny Whore (the Bartender) was going to get it. The Bartender wasn’t taking shit from Anyone especially this  Binge Drinking Dipshit so She went on the War Path while the Rest of the Bar got Her Back.  Once the Dumbfuck put His Tail between His Legs and made a Quick Exist it turned out An Older Man there was the Drunken Dick’s Boss who Informed Us all that the Guy was a Bratty Son of a Bitch who has been Leeching Off His Dad like a White Trash Trust Fund Baby.

                      

Once the Drunken Idiot Issue was resolved everything went back to a Normal Bar and all was Well. Then at One Point I noticed the Big Old Country Boy Stood Up and Started to Walk Towards Me with Purpose. Due to His rather Large Size it Didn’t take Him long to End up Standing Directly Next to Me on the Right. Now here was what was Going on in My Mind at this Point:

  • Did I do Something to Offend/Insult this Guy and Now He wants to fucking Fight Me?
  • If He does want to Fight So Be It, but I’ll need an Equalizer due to the Drastic Size Differential so I’d most likely Hit Him with My Beer Bottle at the First Sign of Trouble.
  • Did I meet this Guy before at the Bar and was So Drunk I simply Forgot and Now I’m going to have to Try and Bullshit My way Through this Encounter?
  • Is This Guy just Simply trying to be Friendly and Introduce Himself?
  • Is This Guy a Cop?
  • Is This Guy going to Try and Sell Me Weed?

                  

Luckily for Me the Big Old Country Boy stated His Purpose/Intent without an awkward Delay. He asked Me if “My Mom was Still Out at The Plantation?” which at First Confused Me. I then Realized He meant My Mom’s Family Farm that was (even though My Mother hates to Admit it) an Actual Plantation. So I replied that Yes She was, and He goes on to tell Us that He’s a General Contractor Who Four Years Ago My Mom had Called to Repair a Botched Job with Her Upstairs Shower that Occurred During Installation. Not just that but He had come over to say Hello because He remembered My Wife and I from Our Wedding Photos Hanging in My Mom’s Farmhouse. Apparently My Mom had made a Lasting Impression that She is a Nice Lady, but You sure as Hell wouldn’t want to make an Enemy of Her. I definitely couldn’t Argue since He was Absolutely right My Mom can be Your Biggest Ally or Your Biggest Enemy. Simply My Mother is a fucking Force of Nature Not to be Contented with. I couldn’t Help finding it Funny that My Mom has some Serious Country Style Street Credit.

The Part of the Conversation that I found More than Entertaining (and Equally Interesting to Learn) was when He said “Your Mother called Me in for a Tiling Job for Her upstairs Shower that the Original Guy(s) fucked up, She Didn’t Say that Mind You, but You knew thats what She Meant.” You know You’re a fucking Bad ass when You Don’t even have to Drop an F-Bomb, Yet People Still Fully Understand What Your Saying and That You’re Not to be Trifled with. It reminds Me of Actor Kevin Spacey’s unique Brand of Controlled Rage where He Doesn’t Yell or Lash Out, but You know He’s Dead fucking Serious. At this point I decided to properly Introduce Myself and found out the Man’s Name is Wade. The Funny thing is Wade also informed us “I know where You live Too.” because He apparently liked the House We bought and was even Considering Possibly Buying it Himself. That and Wade Literally Lives on My Street which is Why He extended an Open Invitation to Stop on By when I see Him working in His Garage.

                   

My Wife told Wade the Story of How one of the First things We did Prior to Moving in Full Time was We replaced the Upstairs Toilet. Since We Don’t have Trash Pick Up of Any Kind We had to load the Crapper into the Car and Drop it Off at the Local Trash Dump. The Dump is actually a Parking lot filled with Various Dumpsters for Various Things (like Yard Waste, Old Tires, Metal etc.) and Two Trash Compacters that sit Side By Side. The Reason I mention this is to Distinguishing Our Dump from the Usual Trash Dump People think of thats Archers of Trash Piled High as Mountains. Once My Brother’s Wife’s Father came to Visit and Thought the Dump was the Typical Giant Putrid Mountain Range of Garbage, and got excited about Going Down to the Dump to Shoot Rats like He did as a Kid. The fucking Bizarre thing is When I was carrying the Toilet to the Appropriate Dumpster a Man who was a Complete Stranger approached Me and said “So You’re the Ones that Bought the House on Such and Such Street.” which Blew My Mind because again I never seen this fucking Guy before in My Life. That was My First Real Lesson in What living in a Small Town is Actually like in Reality.

       

After Our Chat Wade Returned to His Side of the Bar, and My Wife and I spent a few Minutes discussing How fucking Uniquely Strange Living in a Small Town is because Shit like this happens Frequently. I’m from Up North where You don’t even Look at Your Neighbor more or Less Conversate with Them. Where I grew Up You just ignored the Hell out of Your Neighbors under the guise that Neighbors are Typically More Trouble than They’re Worth. I then glanced at My Phone to check the Text Messages, and when I looked up I Saw Wade Pointing at My Wife in the Classic “You want a Shot I’m Buying.” Stance. My Wife Doesn’t start Drinking Until She is Ready In Spite of Being at a Bar so She Replied that She wasn’t Currently Drinking but Thank You just the Same. Wade then immediately Turned His Attention to Me and Boisterously Announced “I Know His Mom, I Know He Needs a Shot!” Which is the Country Version of Respectfully Busting Your Balls so I didn’t get all Bent About it in the Least. In Fact it was just the Opposite I said He was definitely correct and received My Free Shot.

                    

Later on the Bartender Stopped by and Dropped Off a Beer and told Me that it was from Wade. I thanked Wade Who responded by Saying Loudly “He’s a Good Guy and a Good Guy to know since He’ll be Running Everything Someday.” which is Pretty Accurate. What Wade was alluding to is He is a Contractor, My Mom’s Farm always has Work that Needs to be Done, and when the Time Comes I will be in Charge of it all. This is Almost Totally accurate accept Wade seems to be Unaware I have a Younger Brother Who will be Running the Farm Jointly with Me. The Irony is My Mother’s current and Long Time Contractor is getting Close to Retiring especially since His Life of Physical Labor is taking a Heavy Toll on His Health (His Back is Shot to Shit). So crossing Paths with Wade at this Time was Perfect since We will be needing a New Contractor in the Near Future once the Current one Calls it Quits at Last.

So as I have Adjusted (and still am Honestly) to Small Town Life I never thought I’d be the One to say it, But Small Town Life is Easy Living. I never in mY wildest fucking Dreams thought I’d ever Settle Down in a Small Town and Not Only Not Hate it, but Come to Embrace it as well. I suppose its Life’s way of Letting You Know that it’s in the Drivers Seat Regardless of What You may Think or have Planned.

Thanks For Reading,

   By Les Sober  

The Dark Side of Disney: Suicide Mouse

A Slew of Micky Animations from the 1930’s that were set to be Released on DVD a few Years Ago, BUT One Cartoon Wasn’t Shown to even the Most Die Hard Disney Fan. The Withheld Animation is just a Continuum of Micky Walking down the Street and continues for 2 or 3 Minutes before Cutting too Black. The Micky featured in the Cartoon was Not the Jolly, Happy-Go-Lucky Mickey We’ve all come to Love, He doesn’t Dance, Laugh, or Even Smile. Mickey simply Walks Down the Street with His Head Tilted from Side to Side keeping His Eyes on the Ground. The Cartoon’s Soundtrack isn’t an Actual Song as Per Usual, but it’s a Constant Banging on the Keys of a Piano for approximately a Minute and a Half before transitioning into White Noise for the Rest of the Film.

Up until 1 Year or So Ago, People believed that the Video Ended when the Screen Went Black, but as it Turned Out that wasn’t the Case. When Leonard Maltin was Reviewing the Video to put in the Compilation Series He decided it was Too Morbid for The Release on DVD, But He wanted a Digital Copy as it was a Creation of Walt Disney. When Maltin had the Digitized Version on His Computer He Noticed Something Odd and Interesting. The Cartoon’s Actual Running Time was Minutes and 4 Seconds Long making it Approximately 6 Minutes and 4 Seconds Longer than Anyone Even Knew.

               

Upon Further Examination Maltin Discovered that the Screen went Black and Stayed Black until the 6 Minute Mark when it Returned to Micky Walking Down the Street, But the Soundtrack was Vastly Different this Time. The Bizarre New Version of the Soundtrack was what seems to be a Ragged Scream that Became Stronger and more Indistinguishable over the Course of the Next Minute. The Picture begins to Thin as the Road Starts to go in Directions that Seem Impossible Based on the Physics of Micky’s Walking. At the 7 Minute Mark there is a Blood Curdling Scream that Lasts an Entire Minute in Duration as The Film Becomes Darker.

The Cartoon then exhibits a Sickening Color Palit (that seems Impossible for the Time Period) appears as Micky Starts to Twist and Contort with His Eyes Ending Up on His Chin, and His Smile Pointing to the Left Side of HIs Face. The Buildings begin to become Irregular in Appearance, Turn to Rubble, and Float in Mid Air while the Road Twists and Turns even More. At the 8 Minute Mark the Blood Curdling Scream Suddenly Stops and the Cartoon Cuts to the Face of Mickey Mouse that traditionally appears at the Credits of Every Micky cartoon. There was Another Soundtrack Switch which Sounds a lot like a Broken Music Box Playing for 30 Seconds. Unperturbed Maltin exited the Studio and sent an Underling Employee in to Finish Watching the Cartoon as Well as Note Taking chronicling the Events of the Rest of the Cartoon.

               

Due to a Mysterious Circumstances No One Knows What the Last 30 Seconds of the Cartoon actually Contain. You see The Employee Maltin Assigned to Finish the Viewing Staggered Out of the Studio (once the Cartoon was Over) Muttering “Real Suffering is Not Known.” precisely 7 Times before Grabbing a Security Guard’s Gun and Killing Himself Right then and There. The Deceased Employee left a bunch of Scribbled Notes with a Russian Phrase that Roughly Translates into “The Sights of Hell Bring its Viewer Back In.

Enjoy.

Thanks For Reading Watching,

Presented By  Les Sober & FYB

N@P’s Artistic Advancements

N@P is the True Definition of a Renaissance Man with Many an Artistic Poker in Many an Artistic Fire.

I met N@P (as well as His Wonderful Wife) at Collage during an Art Class, and I can say without hesitation They are Not just Far Beyond Talented Artists, But some of The Nicest, Kindest, and Encouraging Individuals I have ever had the Pleasure of Meeting

N@P is like a Cerebral Shark in a Sea of Creativity He never Stops Swimming remaining inconstant Motion at all times. N@P has over come some Truly Amazing shit thats not a statement its a fucking fact.  For example if Someone says “Lighting Doesn’t Strike Twice” N@P can call Bullshit since He HAS been Struck by Lighting Twice, and Lived to Tell about it.

No Matter the Hurdle Life that presents in N@P’s Path along the way He Clears it through Sheer Perseverance and Strength of Both Mind and Spirit.

N@P simply can NOT be Deterred.

N@P can Simply NOT be Stopped.

N@P is NOT done.

AND TODAY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FYB HISTORY You the Reader will see what One of Us Here at FYB actually Looks like in Real Life.

Here is a New Youtube Video by N@P  who’s God Given Name is in Fact Nicholas (This is another FYB 1st: Using a Real Name of One of Our Friends/Family Member(s) so Surprise Bonus!)

It’s an Incredibly Intelligent and Amazingly Artistic Concept Helping to Provide Art to Those Who Live in Infinite Darkness.

If You enjoy Nicholas’s Video Please Like, Subscribe, and Share.

I know People are sick of hearing the “Like and Subscribe” deal because Youtubers say it every 15 fucking seconds, BUT Nicholas is an AUTHENTIC ARIST, and  NOT a wannabe YouTube Star.

Enjoy.

  Presented By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (29/365)

Lee stood up and stretched like a motherfucker. It been so damn long since His bathroom Break that just like on a long Road Trip Lee’s ass had gone numb. As Lee walked triumphantly out of the Theater with a Particular Kind of Pride at being the very fucking Last Person in the Audience by the End of the Show. It was like a Badge given out to People who’s God given Gift is being able to Survive Massive levels of bullshit without Breaking or Bailing.

When Lee reached the Lobby He walked right into a heated discussion between several of the Audience Members who had left the Show, and were still at the Theater arguing Tooth and fucking Nail with the Theater Manager. Of course They all were aggressively  demanding The Manager refund Their Money because the Show was complete shit.

       

Sitting on a Wobbly Old Stool behind the Vacant Concession Stand sat an Interesting looking Fellow who wasn’t actual involved in the Dispute, but apparently was getting a great kick of watching the Drama unfold with a Smile that was bordering on a Sarcastic Sneer splashed across His face.

Since the Show had been a Bust, and didn’t see the Point in fighting over a Few Bucks (the Tickets were $3) Lee figured  Why not stay and Watch too. At least He’d get some Real Entertainment instead of Pretentious, Lamenting Socially Objective, Over Indulgent Emo Artist Assholes plodding around the Stage thinking They’re all Provocative and Intellectually Deeply Symbolic Implements of Art. Lee strolled causally behind the concessions stand without a single person taking note all accept the Guy behind the Bar who watched Lee the entire way.

        

The Guy was wearing of Well Worn pair of Blue Jeans, Construction Boots that by Their Appearance were Older than Lee, and a Leather Biker’s Jacket adorned with a Collage of Patches and Pins. He had Long Dirty Blonde hair that hung half way down His back, and was sporting a AxCx (The Abbreviation used for the Band Anal Cunt) hat which Lee found very Cool. It was the Stranger’s Silencer T-Shirt that caught Lee’s Eye in particular because Silencer was an Obscure and Short Lived Experimental Black Metal Band Lee liked. This Rare T-shirt Earned Lee’s Initial Approval.

       

“This is fucking Beautiful Bud, This is the fucking Performance Art of Everyday Life. I’ve been here since the beginning and These People are gearing up to go to War over a piddly $3 Loss which is so not worth this Reality TV Show fucking Drama. I do have to admit though it’s one hell of a Show especially after that Buffett of Over the Top Exaggerated Bullshit.” said the Stranger in a matter of fact tone as if He was commenting on the Weather or some other banality.

“So what’s going on here exactly?” Lee asked inquisitively trying to get an Assessment of the Situation that was unfolding Before Him.

        

“Well the Dynamic here is this. As You can damn well tell the Theater Manager is the Angst Ridden Fellow with the Clip Board that looks like He’s about to have a Stress induced Aneurysm.” Said the Stranger who paused for a moment to take a Hearty Pull off a Pint of of Phil’s Fine Fortified Red Wine (that he had stashed in the Inner Breast Pocket of His Jacket) before continuing His tale.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Insomnia Inducing Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (30/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Why Does Anyone Give A Shit About Tyler Perry??!

I for the life of me can’t figure how the hell Tyler Perry (whose initials match with the initials for toilet paper ironically) has made a career out of writing comedy/dramas for television and film. Perry is nothing more than a talentless hack. His tv shows where such blandly generic photocopies of old school, out dated cliche ( late 80’s early 90’s ) mass produced sappy family sitcom fodder. Perry’s writing is so lack luster that in spite of having multiple shows (for a while in the dying years of the WB network 90% of it shows where done by Tyler Perry) I honestly, even after trying like hell can’t remember the single name even one of his shows. I have the same issue/problem when it comes to his movies which are exactly the same poorly written, over acted and dick in any way of direction, they’re  just longer versions of his talentless tv shows with the same rehashed plot lines and generic characters. Perry seems utterly devoid of even a scrap of originality, he’d be better off writing mindless ads.

Obviously I have to address Perry’s biggest fucking claim to fame, the Madea movie franchise and even that is completely vacant of any original thought(s) or creativity. As far as I’m concerned the Madea movies are Tyler Perry’s answer to the crappy Ernest movies (i.e. Ernest Goes To Camp/Saves Christmas) I could tell you every plot of every goddamn motherfucking Madea movie ever made: Holy shit not tired of Perry in drag too bad, Madea has a loving family and friendly fucking neighbors, but hijinks in sue and then they issue is resolved as everyone learns a valuable life lesson that brings them even closer. The themes are interchangeable be it Madea Saves Christmas (where the fuck is Ernest I ask) or  Diary of a Mad Black Woman (The 1st Madea movie made) it doesn’t fucking matter because they all follow the same tired format.

Bottom Line: Tyler Perry The Man, The Myth, THE MORON.