Welcome internet travelers to this Wednesday’s FYB post that deals with the extreme psychological terror in the found footage originally titled Lost in the Catacombs. The found footage was part of a documentary which most notably aired as a Halloween Special on ABC Family, but the documentary in fact aired in various slightly different versions on Multiple Television networks in the early 2000s. The original film was directed by Francis Freeland and included segments of camcorder footage recorded in the vast and ancient Catacombs of Paris in the early 1990s. The footage was shot by an unknown man whose camera was allegedly discovered years later by an anonymous group of illicit catacomb explorers know as “cataphiles”. The group of cataphiles found the camera was found caked in dust and covered with mold but none the less still intact, and they claimed the footage on the video tape were both totally terrifying and sadly tragic.
For those who may be unaware the Paris Catacombs are a vast and extensive subterranean labyrinth that was created by building tunnels that connect a series of queries. The limestone from these quarries built Paris as it is known today, and eventually the city expanded to the point where the quarries and connecting quarry tunnel system lay below the busy metropolis. The Catacombs came to be back in the late 18th century (1787 – 1814) when the cemeteries in Paris became so overwhelmed with the dead it led to some serious problems. The over crowding of the cemeteries led to improper burials, open graves, and even unearthed corpses of the deceased, and this caused people living near/around the cemeteries to start contracting infectious diseases. To ease the over crowding and health problems and with tons of empty underground quarries at their disposal the police along with priests devised a morbid solution. They discreetly relocated the skeletal remains from older graves into the abandoned quarries effectively turning them into tombs. In the end the Paris catacombs came to house the remains of 6 to 7 million Parisians through out the estimated 187-200 miles of catacombs that lay below the city of Paris.
Let the insanity ensue………
So what the fuck?!:
While as you may imagine since the original airing(s) of the Lost in the Catacombs the creepy pasta crowd has run wild speculating what caused the unknown man to panic (and what possibly may have been his fate). It’s painfully obvious that the man’s flight or flight survival instinct wasn’t triggered by ghouls, ghosts, malevolent aliens, menacing monsters, malicious Mutants, psychotic madmen, or cannibalistic underground dwellers (C.H.U.Ds). As entertaining as it may be to propose outlandish circumstances to attempt to explain the footage, but these idle flights of fancy are nothing more than intellectual fluff.
The reality is far more disturbing and terror inducing than any imaginary beast or badman could ever hope to be. The brutal truth of the matter is the man started to experience growing anxiety as he realizes he may be in trouble. The Anxiety evolves into full blown panic as he comes to the conclusion that he is in a life or death situation and the life and death are his own. Finally the full blown panic activated the man’s fight or flight survival instinct causing him to completely lose his shit. He has realized at this point that his innocent adventure into the catacombs has gone horribly wrong, and he is now in the absolutely worst case scenario.
The man finds himself now effectively trapped underground in an expansive network of subterranean tunnels and make shift tombs and no way out. He apparently hadn’t thought to bring any sort of discernible supplies such as say food/ water, additional light source, or anything he could use to mark his path as he went in the event he in fact got lost. If the prospect of being trapped alone deep underground with the remains of 6-7 million dead people’s earthly remains, without food or water, blinded by the pitch blackness of the catacombs, confined in the cramped tunnels, and being utterly clueless on how to escape isn’t insanity inducing I don’t know what the fuck is.
Thus the Man’s catacomb adventure wasn’t an adventure at all it was a fatal mistake.
Welcome to a Thursday FYB Post which may be somewhat of a Surprise. I was tooling around Looking for a Music/Musician Piece since it Occurred to ME that We hadn’t Done One in Quite a While. I wasn’t having a Whole Hell of a lot of Luck until I noticed an Article Titled Satan Panonski:The Croatian GG Allin and was Instantly Intrigued. It’s No Secret at this juncture that We here at FYB are Diehard Fans of GG Allin so Obviously the Comparison mad Me sit Up and Take Notice. I spent the Next 48 Hours Scouring the Internet for Any and All Information on Satan Panonski the so called Croatian GG Allin. Now if Finding Information on a Notorious Underground Niche Musician like GG Allin was a Pain in the Ass it made Finding Info on His Croatian Counterpart Satan Panonski almost fucking Impossible. The Main reason for the Serious Lack of Information on Satan Panonski was Even MORE OBSCURE since the Limited Documentation. This was due to Satan Panonski’s EXTREMELY LIMITED Exposure Outside of His Native Croatia, and Small Parts of South Eastern Europe.
This Post was Originally Intended to Showcase the 1990 33 Minute Documentary Film by Serbian Director Milorad Milinkovic (which served as His Graduate Thesis for Film School) on Satan Panonski. The Problem with the Documentary while it is as Interesting as it is Entertaining it was Shot Over an 8 Hour Period. This explains the short Runtime of the Documentary, but it also Explains Why its Far from a Traditional Style Documentary. The Documentary Doesn’t have any Biographical Backstory Information, Musical Career Information (prior to the Filming of said Documentary), and it Didn’t Cover Satan Panonski’s Unusual and Untimely Death.
With so Many Holes if Missing or Lacking Proper Information I set Out to find Out More than just this One article Alone. It was Laborious but Rewarding and I’m Very Glad I did. Thus with all that Said I Tracked Down the Information on Satan Panonski that’s Not Included in the Documentary as Additional Information. No Worries for Anyone Wondering the Documentary is Included at the End of this Post. So Now I give You the Story of Satan Panonski the Croatian GG Allin!
“A Punk By Nationality A Friend By Profession.” – Satan Panonski
Born Ivica Culjak in 1960 in Cerici which is a Village close to Vinkovci Croatia although it was know as Yugoslavia during Virtually all of Culjak’s Life. In the Early 1970’s CulCuljak dropped out of High School and Entered into the Punk Scene where He Garnered a Notorious Reputation for His Crude Music, Violent and Disturbing Live Performances, and Brutally Uncompromising Lyrics. Panonski’s Infamous Live Performance Antics Included, but Not Limited To Breaking Beer Bottles Over His Head, Self Mutilating using a Razor Blade of Piece of Broken Glass, Sticking Safety Pins through His Flesh, and Preforming Dangerous Stunts.
Towards the 1970’s Panonski sought out Psychiatric Help, but this was Allegedly Panonski’s Scheme to Avoid serving Mandatory Military Service in the Yugoslavian Army (Which was at the Time Required). It was during the Same Time Period that Panonski Started to Preform Under the Stage Name Kecer II. In 1979 Panonski became the Singer and Frontman for the Band Pogreb X which Translates to Funeral X. Panonski Claimed throughout His Brief Career that He wanted to “Shock the Audience” and Elaborated by Saying the Following in a 1991 Interview with the Croatian Magazine Globus. “I Shock People to Free Them. When I Shock Them with My Gaze, I know They’ll listen to Me, Then it’s Hypnosis, Madness…..In These Moments, I set Them Free, I Liberate Them from the Barricades that have been Built through Education.” For the Prolific Violence that Panonski Inflicted on Himself wasn’t to Fight or Lash Out Angrily at the Establishment, but as a Product of Culjak’s “Inability to Change Things for the Better” as He said Openly. Unlike GG Allin Panonski Didn’t Hate Life, Loath His Fans, Abuse His Audience, Desire to Destroy Anything, Rage Against Society, Shit on Stage, Bring the Fear Back to Rock’n Roll, or Hate Himself.
In Spite of His Reputation for being Outrageous Panonski had Yet to Reach the turning Point from Musician to Murder. In 1981 Panonski’s Band was Preforming in Vincoshee when a Fight Broke Out. It’s one of those Events where No One Truly knows the Series of Events and the Story variates depending on Who is Telling it. The Most Widely Accepted Explanation is the Fight Broke Out when a Local Low Level Criminal Thug and Degenerate Gambler took issue with Panonski’s Older Brother. Once the Fight Started Panonski intervened to Stand Up and Protect His Brother from this Unsavory Character. Panonski managed to deescalate the Fight/Argument telling the Man that Fighting was Pointless, and They should talk it Out Face to Face Man to Man. The Thug Agreed and He along with Panonski took a seat at a near by Table where the Thug Ordered Them a Couple of Beers.
At one Point Panonski saw something in His Peripheral Vision and Turned His head to see what the fuck it was. Once He turned back to Face the Thug the Thug hauled off and Punched Panonski in the Nose like a Motherfucker Temporarily Stunning Panonski. After a Moment or Two Culjak recovered from the Blow, and Immediately Attacked the Thug in Retaliation for the Sucker Punch. During Their Scuffle Panonski grabbed Hold of a Knife and Stabbed the Thug to Death right There in the Club.
Panonski stood Trial for Murder and Assault (The Assault Charge stemmed from the Fact Panonski had Accidentally Struck an Innocent Bystander during the May-lay). Panonski was Convicted on Both Counts and was Set to Serve Out His 12 Year Sentence in Prison when by Some Unseen Divine Intervention Negotiated that He Shouldn’t be Sent To Prison, But Remanded to a Mental Hospital Instead. The Ploy worked more than likely to the Combination of Panonski’s Claim it was Self Defense coupled with the Fact He sought Psychiatric Help in the 1970’s (even if it was a ruse to get Out of Mandatory Military Service. While Serving out His Sentence in the Metal Hospital Panonski spent His Time Writing Poetry, Making Music, Painting, and Drawing, AND He was even Permitted to Temporarily Leave the Hospital to Play with His Band (or a Live Performance or Press though there wasn’t much of that).
Panonski Adopted the Stage Name Satan Panonski around 1984 for His Solo Work. Panonski continued to Garner a Cult Following as Reputation Grew. Panonski’s Outlandish Live Performances, Unique Production Style, Manner of Dress, and Even His Sexuality (Many People Close to Panonski claimed He was Openly Gay or at Least Sexually Fluid. While this isn’t a Big Deal Today, But the Time Period Panonski Lived in 1960’s-Early 1990’s it definitely was). Less Then Two Years after the Filming of the Documentary Panonski Died under Quite Mysterious Circumstances.
In January 1991 while Serving in the Croatian Military during Croatia’s War for Independence Panonski had Voluntarily Enlisted in the Military (Due to His Intense National Pride). Panonski was found Wearing His Military Uniform with a Single Gunshot Wound to His Head. Panonski was just 32 at the Time of His Death. Since the Exact Circumstances Surrounding Panonski’s Untimely Demise there have been Several Theories on the Subject in Circulation. The First Theory is Panonski Committed Suicide due to the Fact He had Sought Psychiatric Help in the 1970’s, Panonski had been Sentenced to 12 Years in a Mental Hospital, and His Unconventional Life Style as a Manic Musician/Poet/Artist/Writer. The Second Theory is Panonski crossed paths with an Enemy Soldier who then Shot and Killed Panonski which seems Viable as Hell since He was Serving in the Military during the Croatian War for Independence. The Most Common Theory (and seemingly Most Popular) is Panonski simply Accidentally Shot Himself which happens Far More than The Average Person is Aware of. All That Remains of Panonski’s Life and Art are Three Albums, Collection of Poetry, A Mysterious Death, and The Myth of Satan Panonski.
The Three Satan Panonski Albums :
Ljuljajmo ljubljeni ijubicast (1989)
Neklearne Olimpijske Igre (1990)
Kako Je Panker Branie Hrvatsku (1992)
Documentary Synopsis:
SATAN PANONSKI: DOKUMENTARAC is a 1990 Serbian Student Film Directed by Milorad Milinkovic featuring the Best Footage of Panonski’s “Hard Blood Shock” Body Art Performance, a Mixture of Self-Mutilation, Chaotic Punk Rock, and Spoken Word. Also Captured in the Documentary is a Radio Interview (Recorded at 1 am After Panonski’s Performance Earlier that Evening) where Panonski Outlines His Dreams of Creating a Communal “Rock n’ Roll State”, and His Return to the Mental Asylum where He spent the Better Part of the 1980s for Murder.
Self-Identifying as “Punk by Nationality, Friend by Profession” We see His full Tragic Range of Emotions that lead to Comparisons with both Marina Abramovic and GG Allin. If Panonski was Yugoslavia’s/Croatia’s Equivalent to America’s GG, then this is Their HATED (The Infamous GG Allin Documentary by then Film Student Todd Phillips). Like His Albums and the Myths of Panonski’s Life and Death, it has up Until now Only Circulated Underground on VHS Tapes traded at Flea Markets across Eastern Europe, and has likely Never Before been Screened in America.
Documentary Content Rundown:
Part 1 : May 28, 1990 11pm-12am at the Students Cultural Centre
This is Footage From Panonski’s “Hard Blood Shock” Live Performance that includes Poetry, Spoken Word, Panonski Breaking a Beer Bottle Over His Head, Flailing Wildly on the Ground, Sticking Safety Pins into His Bicep, and Some of Panonski’s Songs (along with a Strange Audio Recordings of Panonski Yelling/Screaming/Screeching/Moaning) as a Backdrop to Parts of the Performance. Part One Concludes with Panonski Cleaning Himself Up and Tending to His Wounds in the Venue’s Restroom. During this Scene You can see the Extensive Scarring on Panonski’s Head, Chest, and Arms that’s reminiscent of a Hardcore Deathmatch Wrestling Veteran.
Part 2: May 29, 1990 1am-3am Panonski Does a Post Show Interview for a Local Radio Station. Again this isn’t a Traditional Interview as Panonski spends His Time there Fielding Phone Calls while the DJ acts as a Hype Man. Some of the More Interesting Aspects of Panonski’s so called Interview was the Fact a Couple of Caller did in fact Refer to Him as (The) Wrestler. There were Several Callers be They Fans or Curious Parties asking the Question (Pertaining to Panonski’s 1981 Murder Conviction) if He was in Prison or a Mental Hospital. For the Majority of the Phone Calls were Well Wishers hoping Panonski can Resolve His Mental Health Issues. NOW THE MOST INTERESTING PART of Panonski’s Radio Visit was When the Director was being Antagonistic and Baiting the Haters between Callers. While He is Ranting and Raving He Says “Yes, You, Who Promised Us a Bullet in the Head…” This is Note Worthy considering Panonski Died Mysteriously of a Gun Shot to the Head. Could Panonski have ACTUALLY BEEN KILLED by one of His Detractors?
Part 3: May 29, 1990 4am-5am at a Private Residence
This Ironically is a Real more In-depth Interview where Panonski looking/acting Relaxed for the First Time in the Documentary. Panonski delves into His Unorthodox Personality, Way of Thinking, Artistic Works, His Personal Beliefs, and Yes The Murder as Well.
Part 4: May 29, 1990 3pm-??? Hospital Popovaca
There is No Dialogue outside of Recordings of Panonski’s Poetry and Spoken Word that Accompanies the Scene of Panonski Walking to a Train Station. The Film then Cuts from the Train to the Hospital as the Camera makes Their way Around the Halls until They Reach Panonski’s Hospital Room. The Camera Cuts to Panonski who is Now Lounging Calmly in His Room on His Bed. The Camera moves from Panonski to the Window in His Room, and Does a Close Up of Sorts Out the Window and Ends There.
Enjoy. (Note: The Film is in Croatian with English Subtitles.)
Welcome to this Weeks Installment of Short Horror Films featuring the Short Horror Film MOMOCHROME (PART 1) Directed, Produced, Shot, Written, and Edited by Malachi Alexis. MONOCHROME (PART 1) Premiered on October 29, 2020 Just in Time for Halloween.
Synopsis: A Man is Alone at Home working in the Dark on His Computer at Home One Evening. Suddenly He receives a Bizarre and Ominous Text Message informing His that He has been “Marked For Judgement.” A Second Subsequent Text Follows (that is Equally Sinister) Explains that if He wish’s to Avoid being Judged by a Mysterious Unknown Monsieur Chipli then He must send a Specific Reply. After the Man Texts His response claiming Whoever it is has the Wrong Person it Proves to be a FATAL MISTAKE! A Mistake so Grave that it bring Him FACE TO FACE with The Maliciously Malevolent Monsieur Chiplin!!!
Notable Observations:
Monsieur Chiplin looks Extremely Reminiscent of Art The Clown from the Movies “Terrifier” and “All Hallow’s Eve (Both Movies are Posted Here).
One of the Clips that Plays on the Television during the Unsettling Strange Imagery is of the Goddess Bunny. We have a FYB’S SALUTE TO ECCENTRICS Installment Featuring The Goddess Bunny. We Also have the CULT OF THE WALRUSPosted in Strange and Disturbing Videos that Stars The Goddess Bunny.
The Scenes with Monsieur Chiplin are so Surreal and Perturbing that They would make David Lynch Proud.
The Lighting in this Film is Oddly Unique in the Light used in the Film is provided by Computer/Phone Screens, Flash Lights, TV Screen, and Flashing Police Lights. This Adds to the Uneasy Feel of the Film since to practically demands that the Viewer watch it in the Dark for Visibility, and that brings the “I feel like I’m in the Movie” Vibe to the Cinematic Mix.
Enjoy.
Well While The Short Film Format is Freeing for the Creator’s since They don’t have to Deal with Backstory, Character Development, Plot Lines Etc. The Only issue is Sometimes it can be Rather Confusing to the Viewers since there is Far Less Context. MONOCHROM (PART 1) is Definitely one of these Films, but Luckily Not is all Lost. Since there Evidently will be a MONOCHROM (PART 2) this would mean that Part 1 sets up the Questions, and the Sequel/Part 2 Hopefully will Deliver the Answers.
THE QUESTIONS AT HAND:
Are We to Assume the Police Officer was Killed by Monsieur Chiplin?
Who or What is Monsieur Chiplin? Is He a Damned Soul, Demon, Devil, Evil Spirit, or Perhaps a Pissed Off Alien?
Where is Monsieur Chiplin From? Could He Be From Hell, Another Dimension, Some Super Natural Place/ Origin, or Parallel Universe?
What is Monsieur Chiplin’s Motive(s) Why is He Judging People and On What Basis?
Who or What the hell is Dambulla?
Where Does Dambulla Factor into all This?
Why is it that if You repent by Giving Yourself to Dambulla Saves You from being Judged by Monsieur Chiplin?
So We will just Have to Wait and See for MONOCHOME (PART 2) to Hopefully find Out About these Missing Pieces in MONOCHROME (PART 2). Now it so Happens to be that the Film was Released (just Prior to Halloween 2020) We may be waiting for a While. I’m quite sure it will Be Worth it in The End.
Now Before I Start this Story there a Few things I need to Clarify First. My Family Farm was Built in 1877 and While it looks Welcoming as hell During the Day when Night Falls things are Quite Different. At Night the Farm House takes on a Serious Norman Bates Horror Movie Vibe. This change in Aesthetic can be Attributed to a Few different Factors. First The Farm is Located Outside of the Town Limits making it rather Isolated (the Farm House is Located on a Over 1,117 Acres of Pine Forrests). The Second is the Utter Lack of Exterior Light, and While there are Obviously Lights On In the House and Directly Outside there No Street Lamps. There is also Virtually No Traffic on the Lazy Country Road that Runs through the Property in Front of the Farm, and there is No Light from Urban Sprawl either.
This Total Lack of Additional Light means when the Sun goes Down it gets Darker then You’ve Ever Experienced. You Literally can’t see more than 5 Feet in Front of You and its incredibly Disorienting as Your Eyes Desperate Search for Something Recognizable to Orient Itself in Vain. I have witnessed a Handful of People Really Freak the Fuck Out over the Pitch Blackness to the Point They were Contemplating if They had in fact Gone Suddenly and Completely Blind. Also As You may have Guessed There are Absolutely No Neighbors Near By and the Emergency Responders (Fire Department, Cops, and Ambulances) Response Time is Hindered by the Remote Location. Due to the Slower than Average Response Times have Led People Here to Adopt the Ideology that They like the Wild West Days Gone By must Fend For Themselves.
So the Bottomline is at Night You feel like Your Stranded on some Planet deep in the Depths of Space where You’re on Your Own, and Totally Alienated from Everything/Anything Familiar. I like to Describe it has Floating in a Vast Void that’s so damn Dark it Rivals a BlackHole (Black Holes Gravity is so Strong it even sucks in Light). It’s the Closest thing to Sensory Deprivation that I have ever Experienced in all My Years on Earth. The Other Unnerving issue is being so far from anything remotely Suburban it’s beside being Blacker than the Grave it’s Insanely Silent. This Ups the Creepy factor 10 fold in My Opinion, but there are some sounds just Not those Humans Make and thus are used to Hearing. You can Hear Unknown Animals Howling Occasionally, The Piercing Cry of Owls random cut through the Blackness, and You can Hear Things Moving throughout the Surrounding Woods. Since You can’t see any of these Anything Your Imagination starts going Apeshit with Crazy and Terrifying Thought of What is Lurking Around Cloaked in the Dark of Night.
Since the Farm House was Built well before Central Heating was Invented Every Single Room has a Still Fully Functioning Fireplace. I do mean EVERY Room be it the Bedrooms, Kitchen, Dinning Room, Living Room, and Den so basically the Only exception are the Bathrooms. Now having so many Fireplaces out in an extremely Rural Area sometimes Shit happens that wouldn’t in Populated Areas. In this Case I’m talking about Birds Baby Birds that is. Once in a While when it’s Not Winter Parent Birds will occasionally Build there Nest on Top of the Chimney when its Not Winter, and once in a Blue Moon there Structural Integrity Issues. What I mean by that is that the Bottom of the Nest would Simply Buckle under the Weight of the Growing Chicks causing the Nest to Falter. When this happens the the Baby Chick unfortunately Plummet down the Chimney and into the Fireplace itself cover in Ash, Shocked as Shit, and Terrified by the Ordeal. Now if the Flu is Shut the Chicks will Land on the Top which Means to remedy the Situation You have to Open the Flu. Once the Flu is Opened the Screaming Grime covered Chicks will fall into Your Fireplace hopefully avoiding Hitting You on the Way.
At this Point in Time My Mother had a Second Residence (The House My Brother and I grew up In) up North and She would Head up there to Avoid the Stifling Summer Heat of the South. The Farm has an Alarm System which is Rather Elaborate, But like I said due to the Less than Desirable Police Response Time My Mom had Back up. My Mother had the Wherewithal to cut a Deal with one of Our Relatives in the Immediate Area to Assist with the Farm while She was Away. My Mother had enlisted the Help of a Second Cousin of Mine called Gary to do Walk Throughs of the Farm to make sure a Pipe didn’t break or an Animal of some sort got into the Farm House. He was also Responsible for Up keep of the Grounds as well such as Keeping the Trails in the Woods Clear for Example, and if the Alarm went off He would Immediately Head Over to See what the fuck was Going On.
During One of My Mother’s Summer Retreats up North and thanks to Murphy’s Law (Murphy’s lAw States what can go wrong will) the Farm Alarm went off in the Middle of the Fucking Night. Gary and His Eldest Son Jacob got out of Bed and Drove Over to the Farm to Investigate what had set off the Alarm. They pulled up in Their Pick Up Truck, got Out, and were Checking Their Guns (again People Out Here assume They’re on Their Own) when Low and Behold one of the Small Handful of Police from Town rolled up. Gary informed the Officer Who they were and why They were There in the Middle of the Woods at God Knows what Late Hour of the Night with an Alarm Blaring like a Band of Banshees. The Cop responded by stating He’d be Accompanying Gray and Jacob into the House to Check the Situation Out.
With that Said all Three with Their Guns Drawn Slowly Entered the House, and Gary managed through Ungodly Sirens to Shut Off the Alarm so They could actual hear Themselves think. The Three of Them Stood in the Foyer of the Farm House with the Living Room Directly to Their Left and the Den Directly to Their Left. The Three of Them Inspected Both Rooms and Found Nothing of Concern and Returned to the Foyer to Regroup. They double Checked the Front Door and Windows in Each Room to See if Someone had Broken in that way. Since The Front Door and Front Windows hadn’t been tampered with They were Relieved at First but They had the Entire Farm to Clear.
There is a Long Hall that leads Directly from the Foyer to a Door that Opens onto a Middle Porch. Since Fire was a Serious fucking Concern back in the 1880’s (in fact the Original Farm House on the Property Burned Down) the Architects of the Time came up with the Concept of the Middle Porch. While most Fires originated in the Kitchen House Builders added a Middle Porch separating the Main part of the House from the Back Part where the Kitchen was Located (as well as the Dinning Room). The Theory was if a Fire broke Out in the Kitchen the Middle Porch would provide a Gap between the Fire and the Main House. This Way Hopefully the Firemen would Show up in enough Time to Save the Rest of the House from Burning Down. On either side of the Door is a Bedroom which was the Next logical Location for the The Crew to Inspect. The Staircase However is located on the Left Side of the Main Hallway facing away from the Crew as the Bottom is of the Staircase is approximately 6 feet or so from the Back Bedroom on the Left.
They Slowly started inching Their way towards the back Bedrooms with Guns at the Ready. They only took a couple of cautious Steps before They Heard a Noise coming from the Second Floor. None of the Crew was able to identify what the sound actually was, and confusion set in. They stopped in Their Tracks to Listen to the UnKnown Sound to see if They could Assess what the fuck it was. As They remained Frozen with Their Ears Straining to make out what the Mystery Noise was as Their Minds Engaged Their Fight or Flight Instincts. On the Second Floor was the Master Bedroom, another Bedroom, a Bathroom, and a Second Story Porch so the Crew where trying to Figure Out where Upstairs the Noise was coming from. The Unidentified Sound moved into the Small Upstairs Hallway, and then it Started to come down the Stairs. It was a Frantic Sound of Something Scarred Shitless and looking for anyway to Escape. The Men Froze once again and Moved Their Index Fingers to the Trigger of Their Weapons in Anticipation of a the Confrontation making its way Downstairs.
The Men Stood Side by side Shoulder to Shoulder with Gary on the Right, Jacob on the Left and the Cop in the Middle. They waited Anxiously Holding Their Collective Breath as if in some sort of sick Horror Movie Standoff waiting for the Unknown Noise to Show Itself. Then All of a Sudden to Everyone’s Surprise Something Large and Covered Head to Toe in Ash came Bounding Over the Banister from the Half way up the Staircase. The Creature Dropped the 7-8 feet to the Floor Below. Though Gary and Jacob were Stunned and Still Unsure of what the fuck They were looking at Exactly Held Their Ground. Instinctively Gary and Jacob looked over at One Another to See How They should Proceed They Noticed Something Odd. The Cop was Gone and all that remained between the Two Men was the Empty Floor Space once Occupied by the Cop.
Both Men turned back to look at the Creature Raising Hell in the Hall Way. As the Creature Left Around Hoping like a Possessed Kangaroo Clouds of Soot came Billowing off of it Obscuring the Men’s View. Finally Enough Chimney Grim was Discarded and Settled that the Men could actually see what it the Crazy Creature was. It was a Full Grown Adult Crane that stood around 4 Feet High with an Impressive Wing Span that apparently (and God Knows How) had Fallen down one of the Upstairs Chimneys. Gary and Jacob holstered Their Firearms, grabbed a Blanket of the Living Room Couch, and Ushered the Bird Outside where it took off into the Night like a Bat out of Hell relieved to Be Free at Last.
As Gary and Jacob gathered Their thoughts on the Madness that has just ensued Their Attention was once again drawn to the Cop. When the Cop was Startled by the Large Filth Covered Crane jumped the Banister had freaked the fuck out and He ran Out of the House into the Front Yard. Now I know that Scenario had to be Unsettling as Hell for those who were there, BUT a Cop’s fucking Job is to Stand Up in the Face of Danger and Protect Civilians. They go to the Police Academy and are Trained to Handle Dangerous Situations I mean essentially Thats a Cop’s Job, but this Officer ran the hell away in the Face of Adversity leaving the Two Civilians to Ironically Fend for Themselves. The best word I can Use to describe it is Ludicrous.
To this Day it’s still a Mystery on How the fuck a Large Crane fell the fuck down the Chimney, and We will Rightfully Never Know as it appears it was just a Freak Occurrence. As for the Cop I hope He found a New and Less Stressful a Job as He doesn’t seem Cut Out to actually be an Effective Police Officer to say the fucking Least. Gary with the assistance of Jacob still Man the Fort whenever My Mother goes on Vacation Nowadays, and the Story of the Insane Crane lives on.
Presented By Otto Control 
Presented By Les Sober 
Les Sober 
(Pt1211am)