Florida – f-your blog

A Road Trip Tip So You Don’t Get Screwed Over

A While Back My Wife and I had to go on a Road Trip to of all fucking Places fucking Florida. My Wife’s Family Predominately Live in Florida so We head Down there about 4 times a Year to Visit Them. Now to be fucking Clear I actually do Like My In-Laws, BUT for the Record FUCK FLORIDA. I fucking Can’t Stand Florida which was a Glorified Swamp filled with Moronic and Insane Assholes running around like the fucking Wild West. Over the Last 5-6 Years Florida went From a Shitty Swamp to an ABSOLUTE AND UNADULTERATED FUCKING SHITHOLE Populated by Scum of the Lowest fucking Order. And No I don’t give a Flying Fuck about Disney or fucking Universal or The Kennedy Space Museum since I’m Not a fucking Little Kid so Don’t Bother Mentioning Any of Them.

We always Leave on a Friday so My Wife Doesn’t get fucked out of P.T.O Hours (Paid Time Off) and We Usually We Drop Our Dog’s off at A Friend’s House in the Late Morning, Drive Home, Pack the Truck, and Hit the Road. This Particular Trip though all fucking Hell was Breaking Loose at My Wife’s Job so We had to Switch Up Our regular Routine. We Dropped the Dogs Off first fucking thing in the Morning and Them We headed Home so My Wife could get to Work. She didn’t get back Home Until 6:30pm and then We packed the Car and Hit the Road by 7:15pm. We finally reached Our Destination in Fucked Up Florida at about 3 am to find a Cold Front had rolled in and it was Non Stop Raining.

My Wife went in to the Hotel where We had made a Reservation fucking WEEKS BEFORE We were coming to Check In and all that bullshit. I waited for Her to Return to the Truck accept it was taking an Unprecedented Amount of Time and was getting Quite Pissed Off. I continued to Wait without doing dick because When I get Pissed Off I turn into a Raging Asshole which tends to make shit worse. After what seemed like for-fucking-ever My Wife came Walking back it to the Truck with a Extremely Displeased Look plastered across Her Normally Calm Face. I instantly knew by Her look Something Seriously fucked up had Happened and Now We were going to be Scrambling at 3 am in the fucking Rain to find a Solution to this Surprise Problem. And I was Right on Point with My Assumption.

When She hopped Back into the Truck She informed Me that the fucking Hotel decided to SELL OUR ROOM in spite of the Fact We had Paid for it in fucking Full when We made the motherfucking Reservation. The Issue was since They Sold Our Room to Some Asshole the Hotel affectively had ended up Double Booking the goddamn room. The Result of this was We were fucked out of Our Reservation, its was Cold and Rainy, and at 3 am We had No Where to Stay. We pulled into a Parking Spot at the Hotel since We didn’t have a Clue what the fuck to do about the Bullshit Situation and Sat in Our Truck Brainstorming. As I mentioned I was already Pissed because I was Worn Out from the Road so I was on the Verge of Totally Losing My Shit at this Point.

I asked My Wife what the fuck the Person Working had to Say about all this fucking Bullshit that had Ended Up fucking Us Over. She replied that there was Only One Employee who looked like She graduated from fucking High School Yesterday and that this was Her first Day on the Job. The Bottomline was the Employee was Inexperienced and Utterly Incapable of Dealing with the Problem and in all Due Favor had Called the On Call Manager for Help. Between it being 3:30am and the Manager being a Total Prick Didn’t’t answer Their fucking Phone leaving the Employee ass out to Defend for Herself. Since I knew if I walked into the Hotel Pissed as a motherfucker I most likely would End Up Walking Out in fucking Handcuffs (because Someone would inevitably call the Cops) decided to Conduct all Conversations with said Employee via the Phone.

First thing First I called and Demanded the Employee call Her Manager and Blow Their Phone Up until They fucking Answered. Well That Didn’t Accomplish a damn thing. Next I asked Her what the fuck about the Fact We had Pre Paid for the fucking Room and since We got screwed over We wanted Our fucking Money back incase We Located another Hotel with a Vacancy. The Employee then tells Me that the Hotel will definitely Refund Our Money BUT it Couldn’t be Done Until Tomorrow because She didn’t have the Authority to do Refunds. For the Record I knew that this Employee was the Lowest Person on the Totem Pole and as such had No Real Power or Authority to do much of Anything other than Apologize.

Keeping this in Mind when I have to Deal with Customer Service I try Not to Abuse the Customer Service Rep. I know They can’t really do Much if fucking Anything to Help Me so I make Sure to Say shit like “Your Employer”, “Your Boss”, and Call the Company Out by Name. I fully fucking Understand Why People get Angry in these types of Situations and Tend to Vent Their Displaced Anger on/at the Customer Service Rep. That is Why I make sure to Call the Company Out by Name or Say Shit like “I know its not you…” or “Your Employer…” or “The People Running the Company…” because again Yelling and Cursing at Someone with No Actual Authority is Futile because They lack Any and All Power to Do Jack Diddly Shit. The Best Part is Customer Service Reps get Screamed at and Insulted Daily by Pissed Off Jackasses so When They Encounter a Customer Who Doesn’t Automatically Unleash Their Fury Upon Them are Very Appreciative. Their Appreciation translates into Them going above and Beyond, doing shit They Normally wouldn’t, to Try and Really Help You Out (Mind You Though even with the Best Intentions They have Little to No Authority) as Best They can instead of Sticking to the Script so to speak.

The Next Half Hour the Employee desperately called Other Hotels in the Area trying to Find One We could go to with just One Problem. As I mentioned We drop Our Big Dogs off at a Friends, Yet Our the Little Dog Travels with Us. I told the Employee that the ONLY fucking Condition We had was whatever the fucking Place was it had to be fucking Pet Friendly which seems simple enough. While the Employee did Find Several Places every time She called Me Back it turned Out She had fucking Forgot that the Place had to be Pet Friendly. Since this was Her fuck up and Her’s alone I began to get Far More Aggressive and asked Her why it was so fucking hard to remember one fucking thing because Now She was wasting My fucking Time as We sat in Our fucking Truck in the fucking Parking Lot in the Rain like Assholes.

Luckily While I was attempting to Deal with the Situation with the Employee My Wife was Calling Hotels as Well looking for an Alternative for Us. And Low and fucking Behold My Wife found a Place Near By, Pet Friendly, and had a Vacancy. At that Point I told the Employee that My Wife had figured something out since the Employee was fucking up time and time again. I then suggested the Employee find another fucking Job and One hopefully She’d be better at. I also took a moment to Shit Talk the Useless Manager and while doing so Asked if Said Manager would be working Tomorrow which They were. I did in fact call the Manger Jerk Off the Next Day and Ripped Him a New Asshole, and meanwhile all this pathetic fuck could say was that He didn’t appreciate My use of Foul Language. I reminded Him I’m legitimately Pissed the hell off at getting fucked Over and Offered to come Down to the Hotel so We could Discuss the Matter of the Room and My Language in Person which He Declined.

The Moral to this Story is a Simple One: ALWAYS Cover Your Ass. I had experienced My Parents and Others Over the Years calling Hotels to Verify that They are Coming which I always thought was well Retarded. I thought so because if You make a fucking Reservation then that takes care of it because that’s what the fucking purpose a Reservation serves. Needless to Say I fully understand that Calling to Confirm Your Reservation is Retarded BUT unfortunately fucking Necessary Bullshit. Thus I will be calling to verify My Hotel Reservations from Now until the End of My fucking Life because I swear to fucking God I’m NOT going through that Shit EVER Again.

It is What it Is,

By Les Sober

Goonlord – Caveman (Official Video)

Mondays are a Motherfucking Pain in the Ass so it seemed fucking Appropriate to Post this Considering the Extreme Frustration Surrounding this Post. This FYB Monday is the Official Animated Music Video for the Song “Caveman” by the Death Metal Band known as Goonlord. In a Cool Collaboration the “Caveman” Video was Animated by Non Other then a Recent Favorite of Ours Creeptoons.

Now this is the fucking Frustrating Part of this Post was/is the Lack of Available Information. Allow Me to Explain What I’m Talking about. First Off when You fucking Type Goonlord into a fucking Search Engine it Responds with “Did You Mean Goodlord?” which I damn well didn’t. I don’t know Who the fuck or What the fuck Goodlord is, but it sounds like a Christian Organization and after this Post I fucking Hate Them. I also Check Numerous Websites and Music Platforms and Here is What I Found which isn’t a Hell of a Lot.

Goonlord:

As I mentioned before They are a Death Metal Band.
Goonlord is from Florida.
The Album “Caveman” was Released on Monday November 29th 2021.
You can Find Goonlord’s Music on iToons and Spotify as well as Several Other Music Websites.
Goonlord Albums: Wide Eyed, Caveman, Inhuman, Pariah, and Someone May Die Here.
I Found what I fucking Thought was a Real Lead: goonlordfl.com which was completely fucking Useless. Their were Picks of the Band with No Bios, and There was Merchandise for Sale but No Band Information. It’s fucking Bizarre Yet Death Metal is a Fairly Niche Genre so Maybe I shouldn’t be that fucking Surprised after all. Who fucking Knows Not I.
Band Members:
Wesley Mitchell – Vocals
Jono Sanchez – Guitar
Quentinn “Super Q” Hembree – Guitar
Las Miles – Bass
Jon “Tree” Lelesi – Drums

Now this bring us to Creeptoons which is even more fucking aggravating then Researching Goonlord which was a Real Kick in the Nuts. So without Further Ado here is What I found on Ye Old Creeptoons:

Creeptoons is a Singular Artist
Creeptoons is Male.
Creeptoons has had Art Exhibits at the Modern Eden Gallery.
Besides His Youtube Channel He has an Instagram Account.
He is also on Etsy.
He is on Facebook/Meta (Yeah Right Zuckerberg You Dick).
There is No Personal Information in Any of the Bio aka “About” Categories.
Creeptoon’s Once Described His Work as “Creeptoons are Disgusting, Loveable Monsters that Live in the Clogged Arteries of Your Imagination.
The Closest thing to Anything Personal is Creeptoons refers to/ Describes Himself with just one fucking Word: Artist.

I think the Reason for the Horrendous Lack of Information is Perpetrated by Creeptoons Himself. Remember Kiddies there Artist Who are the Acceptation to the Rule. There Some Artist who are Honestly all about Their Art, and have No Interest in Being Famous or the Hassles that come with it. The Artists want to get Their Art Out there but Don’t want to go out in Public and Get Swarmed with People Badgering Them for Autographs or Picture. It was No Secret that Kurt Cobain for an Example Struggled with Fame and it made Him fucking Miserable. Also there Artists that to Avoid a Kurt Cobain Scenario go to Great Lengths to Keep Their Anonymity like Banksy or Sia for Example. I fully Believe Creeptoons is one of these Artists that wants His Work to Speak for Itself and Keep His Private Life Well Just that Private.

Enjoy.

Thanks For Watching/Lisening,

Presented By Les Sober

FYB Update: We’re Back on the Radar

We would like to take a Minute to Thank Our Fans for Sticking with Us even when We suddenly go Off the Grid. The Honest Truth of the Matter is We needed to take a Vacation from 2020 the Year Everything went to Hell in a Hand Basket and Everything turned to Shit. No even a Extremely Hardcore Natural Born Pessimist such as Myself could have predicted a Royally Fucked Up Shit Storm which is 2020. And Lets fucking Face it 2020 has You either so Depressed Your contemplating Drowning Yourself in Your Toilet OR so Enraged that Your Blood Pressure leaves You on the Verge of having a Massive fucking Stroke 24/7.

In Fact We are of the School of Thought that when it comes to the American Timeline that We “13th Floor” 2020 all together. Just as the Elevator’s in Hotel and the like go from Floors 12 to 14 skipping 13 since Plenty of People (More than You Realize) throughout History are Superstitious, and 13 is perceived to be an Unlucky Number. This of course is ridiculous version of Out of Sight Out of Mind and, it Worked as Long as there technically isn’t a 13th Floor (which Obviously there is since You can’t build a Building minus an Entire fucking Floor) People chilled the fuck out.

Thusly We hereby Suggest when it comes to the America’s Historical Timeline that We turn a Similar Blind Eye to 2020. It’s really quite simple just like the Elevator’s appears to skip the 13th We should modify The American Timeline. Once 2020 is finally reached its Chaotic and Utterly Fucked up end We erase it We’ll just have the Years go 2018, 2019, 2021 thus Illuminating the Memory and Denying the Existence of 2020 all together.

Anyway We desperately need to take some time off to Clear Our Heads and try to Reassemble Our Decaying Sanity. Just like the Cliche “Change of Scenery” or “Stretch Our Legs” We took a rather Impromptu Road Trip. You see Every Year We visit My Wife’s Family around Mid August for a Group Birthday Celebration. This is Due to the Fact My Wife, Her Two Cousins, and Her Uncle all have August Birthdays. Many Years back the Family decided to do One group Birthday Celebration as opposed to One after the Other after the Other and So On. The Only Issue this Year was They all live in The Great Souther COVID Ridden Swamp know as Florida, and with all the Negative Press on How Florida fucked up the COVID response Worst than Most States made for a Daunting Trip to say the Least.

Let’s face it Florida has and Always will be rather Fucked up and Home to a Wide Array of fucking Weirdos, Lunatics, and Fanatics even before the Coronavirus. I mean there actual Slang Terms (all of which are Negative) for Floridians because of Their Odd and Bizarre Mentality or Behavior. One of the Most Popular is the Term “Florida Man” which refers to News Stories pertaining to some Seriously Stupid, Careless, or Out Right Retarded People Joke that the Story has to be from Florida since they’re Known to be Half Assed Idiots. Then there is My Favorite Term “Floridiot” which is Self Explanatory. Lastly since Unfortunately America has been Ravaged by COVID Floridians fall into the Demographic go the Populous referred to as COVIDIOTS. COVIDIOTS are Anti-Maskers, Trump Supporters, COVID Conspiracy Nut Jobs, or Any Dumbfuck that thinks the Coronavirus is Exaggerated or Even a Hoax. Again essential Trump Supporting MAGAssholes.

Luckily for Us it Turned Out the County We were Visiting did in fact have a Mandatory Mask Mandate and Enforced (for the most part) Social Distancing which was a Pleasant Surprise and quite a fucking Relief. We only went where Necessary and Avoided Everything Else so No We didn’t go to the Goddamn Beach, Bullshit Bars, or Any Amusement Parks Populated currently by Complete Assholes. Thats not to Say We stayed Totally Hunkered Down in One Place the Entire Time and the Trip was one of the Easiest Going and Relaxing Trips I’ve ever taken to Florida aka Hell. Going into it based on all the Negative News about Florida I figured it be a Bunch of White Trash Trump Supporters running amok Coughing on Everyone, Sneezing on Every Surface while They Gleefully Spit into Each others Mouths.

The Most Entertaining part of the Trip was My Wife’s Eldest Cousin Cliff. Cliff was a Fanatic and Adamant Republican before He could even fucking Vote. Well After 2016 and the Following Four Years of the Escalating Destruction of America by an Orange Asshole He has Abandoned the Republican Party and is Now Voting Democrat. But that Not the Entertaining Part as We all Know or recently have become Aware Boating and Dipshit MAGAssholes have become a Hot Topic if You Will. All I can Say about Boaters for Trump is where the Fuck is a Category 5 Hurricane when You fucking Need One?! Anyway My Wife’s Family have always been Big into Boats and Cliff just so happen to have Bought a New Boat Recently.

Apparently one of the First things He did upon Purchasing the Boat was to Equip it with a Flag. Cliff chose a VERY LARGE Black Flag with the Red Lettering that says “FUCK TRUMP”, and Drives it past Boaters with Trump Flags for the Sole Purpose of Pissing Them Off. And Let’s face it Stupid People are Easily Angered. The Best Part if Cliff is an Insanely Intelligent Person Who has A Master Degree in Spanish-American History (The Spanish have a long fucking History in Florida), and He just Finished His Phd Thesis Paper. So when Moronic MAGA Maggots get all Butthurt about the Fuck Trump Flag Cliff and I Quote “I Have No Problem taking on Any of those Idiots.” Let’s Just Say I couldn’t be Prouder and Cliff has earned a Great Deal of more of My Respect.

We apologize again for suddenly (and until now Unexplainably) Gone Off Grid as They Say. We are Back and Back with a Fucking Vengeance and We will be Increasing the Amount of Content as a Direct Result. Stay Tuned and Thank You to Our Fans for Tolerating Our Erratic Brand of Insanity.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober

Where Ever You Go There You Are

It’s No Secret that I have a Extremely Low Opinion of the Human Race and People in General. I avoid People as much as fucking possible unless I absolutely have to Interact with Them. Recently a Friend of Mine had a Falling Out with one of Their Long Time Friends, and when I heard the Story I gave My Honest, Straight to the Point, No Holds Barred Opinion since I Don’t Pull My Punches. After We talked My Friend suggested I write a Post about it, and so here I am Doing just That.

The Backstory: My Buddy Who I will call “Bob” got a Text from His Long Time Friend I will call “Phil” who unbeknownst to Bob had totally fucked up His Life in Texas. So being one of those People that Blames Everything and Everybody for Their shitty Life, BUT THEMSELVES. That being so Phil decided to up and move to Florida. Phil believes that His moving would Magically Fix everything Wrong in His Life just by Relocating. The Problem is Phil hasn’t figured out the fact that Wherever You Go You There You Are. Point being You can’t out run Your Problems because You are the One creating the Perceived Problems, and until You work out Your issues They will stick with You no matter where the fuck You may Go.

The problem arose when after Impulsively agreeing to let Phil and His Girlfriend crash at His House Bob resized He had made a Mistake. In all due Favor Phil contacted Bob and informed Him of His Situation a mere 3 Hours before planning to arrive at Bob’s House. Phil also just fucking Assumed that Bob would Automatically let Him, His Girlfriend, and all Their Stay at His House. With COVID running amok across America, and a Wife with Pre Existing Medical Conditions Bob realized it be Far too Dangerous (not to mention Idiotic as all Hell) for Phil to Stay with Him. Bob felt bad and Offered to Pay for Phil’s Hotel Room, and Apologized Profusely for His Mistake/Lapse in Judgment, and here is the Final Text Phil sent Bob before Cutting Off all Further Communication.

“Never blamed the virus on you, but still can’t believe that we were turned away after 2 days of hell on the road. I’ve known you for almost 20 years and “Roberta”(Bob’s Wife) for almost 10 years, it’s not like I’m a total stranger. I know she (Roberta) has never met Amanda (Phil’s Girlfriend), but she is super cheerful and careful because I also have a weakened immune system. We don’t take this Virus Lightly. Can’t believe you couldn’t vouch for us after all we’ve been through and hate that you’re controlled all the time. I know the virus is scary but we were trusting you enough to stay over at your house. Evidently there was no trust in return.”

Well Holy Motherfucking Shit this Text is so Twisted and Ass Backwards I barely Know where the fuck to begin, so I’ll just Start at the Beginning.

Phil starts with the Statement that He doesn’t Blame the Virus on Bob well isn’t that fucking Nice of Him. Phil then bitches/Complains about He’s “Hellish” road trip from Texas to Florida. That has absolutely NOTHING to do with Bob at all as Bob didn’t tell You to move or to relocate to Florida that was all Phil’s doing. Phil just comes off like a whiny little Brat who gets angry if He can’t do whatever it is He wants to do which for a grown man is Utterly Pathetic to say the least.

The Next point of Phil’s about being friends with Bob for 20 years and shit is Ridiculous. If Phil was actually as Good a Friend as He apparently claims to be (not to mention for 20 fucking years) He’d understand why Bob had to change His Plan. I mean it’s just A GLOBAL PANDEMIC where America has become the Epicenter , and the Fact Phil was coming from one of the Worst COVID States in the Nation doesn’t Help His argument. That and He stopped over in Mississippi where a shit ton of People like Phil use as the Half Way Point it too is a Highly Infectious Area. The lastly Phil is traveling through Florida yet another Entire fucking State that’s a fucking Hotspot. SO to recap Phil went from Texas to a Well Used Half way stopping point for other COVIDIOTS, and then Travels through Half of Florida just to get to Bob’s House.

Talk about High fucking Risk, and as far as I know Phil nor His Girlfriend where following Coronavirus Protocol like Social Distancing or Wear a goddamn Mask. For All Anyone Knows Phil didn’t practice the recommended Safety Protocols at all, and could have encountered/Interacted/Hung Out with Who fucking knows how many People during his 48 hours on the Road. Not like Any of US was There.

Phil then makes the utterly Asinine comment that He “Isn’t a Stranger” as if that means that some how by Knowing Bob thats means Phil and His Girlfriend aren’t an High Risk Factor for Infection. The Fact Their Friends doesn’t even Factor into it, it was just a way of Phil trying to make Bob feel Guilty. Guilty for what exactly for Protecting His Wife and Himself from again A MOTHERFUCKING GLOBAL PANDEMIC that has KILLED over 138,ooo fucking Americans Alone?! Trying to manipulate Your Friend with Guilt to Me means They were Never a Real Friend to fucking begin with, I mean who the fuck does that Immature Childish Shit?!!

Then Phil talks about His Girlfriend who first and foremost is allegedly a Very Cheerful Person. Oh I’m fucking Sorry is being fucking Cheerful a Coronavirus Deterrent, NO IT FUCKING ISN’T. Phil’s Girlfriend’s cheerfulness is a COMPLETELY MOOT POINT as it means fuck all in this Situation. Then Phil say His Girlfriend is Careful, and I’m calling BULLSHIT BIGT IME on that Stupid Statement. If She was in Fact Careful then She would have stayed Self Quarantined in Texas, and Not Travel 2 Days across some of the Most Infected fucking Areas there are Currently. She would have realized the UNNECESSARY and Dangerous Risk a Trip like that would Pose. Traveling was the RISKIEST thing to do during a fucking Global Pandemic, and the Safest would to be to Stay Put and Self Quarantine. Careful My Ass.

Phil then adds to the Idiocy buy saying that He has a Weakened Immune System or Pre Exisiting Condition which make Him at the Highest Rick of Coronavirus Infection. Again with a weakened Immune system WHY THE FUCK would You take a 2 Day Road Trip? That makes ZERO SENSE and was an Incredible Stupid thing to do. Also if His Girlfriend was careful She would have NEVER allowed Him to Leave, BUT She didn’t She went with Him. Phil then has the balls to claim that He and His Girlfriend don’t take the Virus Lightly well Again We see Phil’s Actions are the EXACT OPPOSITE of what He’s Claiming. Not to Beat a Dead Horse, BUT taking a fucking Road Trip currently IS THE GODDAMN EPITOME of taking it Lightly.

The Phil mentions Bob not Vouching for Him, but Vouching for what Exactly?! Vouching that Phil is Trustworthy, a Good Employee, or that He’s COVID Free in spite of the Extenuating Circumstances?! There’s No fucking Context so the whole Vouching For deal is Nonsensical Horseshit. Then Phil claims that Bob is “Controlled all the Time” whatever the fuck that means. What Bob is being controlled by Aliens, Evil Spirits, The New World Order, The Military, The Government, CIA, or Some Evil Entity?! Serious what the fuck is Phil babbling about here I have No fucking Idea I just know its 100% Irrelevant to the Conversation.

Finally right at the very fucking end of His Lengthy Text Phil admits or Acknowledges that the Coronavirus is indeed Scary. Well thats News to Me since Phil’s Actions Speak FAR LOUDER than His Feeble Words. Then all of a Sudden Phil Says “We Were Trusting You to Stay at Your House” like Bob, His Wife or His House was the Safety Issue?! It’s Phil and His Girlfriend that Pose the Threat to Bob and His Wife, Yet Phil seems to be trying some Role Reversal Tactic which is a SERIOUS PUNKASS BITCH OF A MOVE. Then Phil goes back to attempting to Guilt Bob with the last line pertaining to Trust.

Phil has the fucking Nerve to bring up the Subject of Trust? If I was Friends with Someone for 20 fucking Years I’d Trust though They may be Disappointed They would TOTALLY UNDERSTAND Why. The Fact Phil is Bitching, Guilt Tripping, and All Out Arguing the Facts around the Pandemic thats Affecting goddamn Everything (Not just Phil although He seems to Feel He is the Only Asshole on the Planet. Hey Phil YOUR NOT ALONE) just make Phil look like a Really Shitty Friend. Phil is being so Shitty over the Situation most People would immediately reconsider Their Friendship with Phil. Who wants a So Called Friend that Acts like an ABSOLUTE AND UTTER SELFISH SELF CENTERED FUCKWIT??? Phil need to get the fuck Over Himself, Man Up, and Take Responsibility for His Life Not Running Around picking Fights with His Friends for Fuck’s Sake.

More Proof People are fucking Idiots. I seriously wonder Sometimes how the hell Humanity has made it this fucking Far without Going Extinct due to Our Own Mistakes, Behavior, and Overall Shitty Attitude. We Pollute the Water, Air and Land while Killing Off Entire Species, and Constantly Trying to Kill Each other its Amazing Humanity has somehow (I assume due to Dumb Luck) hasn’t Gone the Way of the Dinosaurs.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober

The Return Of THE TEXPOCALYPSE!

It’s been a Long while to Say the Least since We have had a Textpocolypse, and Honestly it’s Overdue. The Textpocolypse Posts are some of the (Insane, Obscene, and Absurd) Text Exchanges between Our Dear Friend and Partner in Crime Spacedog and Our Defacto Leader Les Sober. So without a Further A Due lets get to it.

Spacedog: Oh no your fetus is exhibiting very cult like behavior.

Les: Umm…it must be Jim Jones Syndrome. Fetal Cult Like Behavior is the Kid Brittany’s Kid?! LOL fuck Her…Apparently most of NJ Has.

Spacedog: I think you are the only straight man that’s fucked her that isn’t dead or institutionalized LOL.

Les: I know talk about dodging a Bullet! Her cunt is Cursed, its Abortion Central No Fetus can survive THE WOMB OF DOOM! What in Your opinion would constitute an “Excessively Small Penis”? I’m wondering it was in a Police Report on this HBO crime Documentary Series, and its been Bouncing around in My Brain ever since.

Spacedog: Excessively to me is under 4-4.5 inches. Kinda the same as what I consider an excessively small person but feet for them.

Les: Ok I was wondering since Micro Penis is more commonly as a Baby Dick. So Excessively Small was a bit vague as far as I was and am Concerned.

Spacedog: My personal definition is the point at where the penis to me no longer feels sexy and begins to make me feel uncomfortable. My body lets me know because I become extremely ticklish LOL. At what point does a tit become big?

Les: Somewhere between Hung and Monster Cock???

Spacedog: I said TIT. Your definitely thinking bout cock more than me tonight LOL.

Les: My Bad I’ll ask My Wife…..

Spacedog: I mean like would 30dd be a big tit regardless of who it was on? Like a midget? an 8 year old? I mean I just would say they had unfortunate tits.

Les: My Wife said once a titty reaches the size of a 9 month old Baby’s Head it’s Big, and apparently from there the Titty Size equates to how much they hurt the Woman’s Back.

(* a Minute or Two goes by)

Les:CORRECTION: I relayed the Facts Wrong it’s not a 9 month Old Baby’s head it is in Fact that of a Full Grown Adult. My Bad. Sorry I’m still stuck on the Excessively Small Dick Definition. Does Width Factor in its Excessive Smallness? Example: 3″ prick and the Width/Circumference of a #2 Pencil? AND if So is that the Origin of the Insult of calling someone a Pencil Dick as in “Hey Pencil Dick Move Out of the Way. AND if that does having a 2” dick with the Width/Circumference of a Pencil be where the Insult Pin Dick came from, like “Brittany is a Pin Dick Bug Fucker”??? We have reached a Whole New Level of Dick Jokes or Genital Jokes if You will.

Spacedog: I think pencil dick can be a pencil dick regardless of length. I used to joke about my friend fucking me was like shoving some Angel hair pasta up my ass and his dick was 8 inches.

Les: Skinny Dick Syndrome.

Spacedog: I’m doing my first grocery pickup. Ugh. Not that I’m afraid of getting Infected by someone breathing on my car, but I really dred much human interaction. All for some kombucha and epic meat bars LOL!

Les: Grocery Pick Up is Dope, We have done it several times. COVID or No COVID I dread having interactions with Other People so No Change Here Lmfao. Epic Meat Bars? WTF are They and Where can I get some? Seriously if that’s a Thing I’m in.

(*Spacedog Texts Link to EPIC Provisions and Their Bar Variety Pack featuring a 10 Bar Pack featuring Bison, 2 Varieties of Chicken, Venison, 2 Varieties of Beef, Lamb, Turkey, Uncured Bacon, and Wild Boar.)

Spacedog: They had 2 of these at shoprite.

Les: What constitutes a Monster Clit? I figure 3 inches because thats the size You could Safely hang Your Keys On. My Wife said around 2″ and I called bullshit. She then pulled the fucking I have One Card and Now its a Monster Clit Standoff. Some shit You just can’t Google. Whoa hot damn they got some serious Variety I like that Wild Boar that’s Wild. BISON! Now I can Eat like a goddamn Cowboy.

Spacedog: I mean isn’t a standard clit at least an Inch? I examined a nice one before but it wasn’t so small I needed a monocle. The most daring I go at shoprite was Venison. so I’m doooooomed I have been avoiding pickup of food for months. So my parents and sister are all like pickup pickup so I finally am tomorrow. In the middle of a Tropical Storm. It’s a bad sign kinda like seeing a gaping hole before you are about to fuck someone. Also how the fuck is it the F storm already? I’ve not been paying attention.

Les: Tropical Storm in NJ that’s fucked up all I’m saying is when I lived there We never had a anything close to a Tropical Storm. I though that shit was reserved for fucking Florida and all that shit. We sat through God fucking knows how many Hurricanes living in the Glorified Swamp called Florida. Grades 1 through 3 aren’t so Bad really, but the time We had a Category 4 that shit was fucking Unnerving as hell. It was one of the very few times in My Life I thought I just might Die.

Spacedog: Anyway Jersey now has a “covid controversy”. My mom’s friend’s grandkids baby momma went to Florida and the one chick said she was infected going to work, but the other lady said its not true. I hope the first lady is wrong I like the second lady I’d rather pot brownie Kathy not die LOL

Les; People are such self absorbed assholes. If You went to fucking Florida which is currently a COVID Plagued Swamp in the First Place You’re a fucking Idiot. If You even think that You might be Infected STAY THE FUCK HOME. Period. LONG LIVE POT BROWNIE KATHY! I though NJ was making Everyone Quarantine for 14 Days before being allowed to enter the State. Not sure why the fuck anyone would want to go to NJ for anything is beyond Me. I have a Relative that needs to head back to NJ to check in on a Bunch of Projects and other various bullshit, and While They understand the NJ Quarantine They still Don’t like it. It adds 2 weeks where You can’t do Dick but sit around Your fucking House so it Royally fucks up Their Timeline.

Spacedog: This is some self entitled bitch who the minute her kid popped out of her pussy was all like btw I never loved you to the husband I just wanted a kid. Yeah that kind of blows. I hope my old aunt and uncle in Myrtle Beach are okay. Fuck my cousins they are a bunch of trumpers, I’m sure their guns and booze will protect them. At least in NJ she won’t have to be thinking about 2 out of every 10 people she sees have COVID.

Les: What a Cunt and a Perfect Reason NOT to have a fucking Kid. That Kid is gonna have some serious fucking issues with a WHore of a Mom like that. If Your Cousin’s Guns and Booze Don’t Work They can Drink Bleach, Inject Lysol, Shove UV Lights up Their Asses, or They can go the Asshole Evangelical Route and Claim They are Protected from COVID because They are Bathed in the Blood of Christ. Well if COVIDIOTS like Her keeping getting into NJ regardless of the Quarantine Protocol She very well might have to deal with a 2 in 10 Infection Ratio Sooner or Later. Thrupers and Other COVIDIOTS Here are Changing Their Tune BIG TIME, We went from “Fuck Masks” to 95% or Higher Now Wearing Masks. Why You Ask? Its because You can’t Deny or Down Play COVID once the Infection Rate Grows to the Point People and Their Friends, Family, and Co-Workers are Contracting COVID. Ignorance is Bliss Until It’s Obliterated by the Facts/Truth.

Spacedog: Yeah once it gets like NY/NJ which it is now most people tend to freak the fuck out especially when they are dead. Why waste a Prayer on the Born Again Bullshitters when you can call bishop chip (Link Enclosed: lutheranorthodoxchurch.org) that would be my cousin. He’s also the one with the corpse bride and the kid with fetal alcohol syndrome. Ok I should stp now LOL. Eh the 4th wife was a keeper. Trump is up to a 67% disapproval rating and not looking good for anything other then him screaming rigged 456.348 billion times between now and January. The .348 is factoring in his mini-strokes.

Les: Goddamn Dead People always Freaking the hell Out the fucking Drama Queen Corpses that They are. Toddler Trumpy is going to Rage Shit His Shorts, 67% disapproval Honestly I thought it be Higher since Trumpy is suck a Fucking Fuck Up Motherfucker. .348 Mini Strokes, That would be Epically Awesome and I hope it would be while He’s on Camera the Obeses Orange Asshole LMFAO!!!

SpaceDog: They actually had 5 minutes trump slurring his words like he’s having a stroke montage on MSNBC early morning. I’m pretty sure they do shit like that purposely to fuck with him cuz they know he’s watching. I wanna start a q-anon rumor that the real purpose of the Lincoln Project is not just to defeat trump, but that they are cloning Lincoln to be a Democrat.

Les: That’s fucking Awesome montage and must have been fucking Hilarious. Ah Trumpy You Feeble Minded Mush Mouthed Old Man with the World’s Shittiest Spray Tan. If MSNBC is going all Lincoln Project on Trumpy’s Fragile Ego I would have more Respect for Them thats for Sure.

Spacedog: Oh no it was replayed from the daily show now that I think about it.

Les: YES! I have thought about fucking with the Miniscule Minds of the MAGAssholes Q-Anon Conspiracy cocksuckers too! It must be a fucking sign that We must fuck with Trumpy Supporting Idiotic Assholes.

Spacedog: But yeah every morning Joe Scarborough usually goes to a single camera shot saying “Well Donald…” So trump literally the First Person ever with Dementia where the TV really is Talking to Him.

Les: That’s cool I’m a Fan of The Daily Show. HOLY FUCKING SHIT Trumpy’s Dementia and His TV Obsession Collide!!! I can’t stop Laughing! GODDAMN LMFAO!

Spacedog: So I just noticed something about that page of my cousin I sent you. He must be loaded I noticed that he is CEO pf the “Lutheran Orthodox” Church. My cousin invented a church. I may not believe a word he says but that was Genius.

Les: That shows how fucked up things are Today that fucking Church’s have fucking CEOs. Thats basically Admitting Churches are Businesses just like any Other Corrupt Corporation.

That’s All For Now Anyways.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober & Spacedog

Well We Could See This Coming From a Mile Away.

Yes I have once again managed to let Life sideswipe Me, and Now I’m playing catch up like a motherfucker. Easter was a bit shall We say Extreme. It started when Our Departure Time was delayed 3 hours by having to deal with some last minute Big Dog bullshit.

When We finally Hit the Road the Weather was Gloomy, Overcast, and bit Rainy like Seattle 99% of the time. Anyway We found out Via the Radio that there was a Massive Storm Front coming Our way that consisted of 5 different Sever Thunderstorms that was kicking the shit out of everything in its path. Now My Wife and I having spent far too long in The Great Southern Swamp just shrugged the Warnings Off because We’d been through Category 1 Hurricanes all the way to Category 4 (Hurricane Scale is 1-5 with 5 being the real motherfucker.

The next thing We know the Skies opened up in a Biblical Downpour and the Wind picked up so Furiously that it was a struggle keeping the Car in its Lane as it felt like the Car was being battered by an endless line go Wrecking Balls. Then the Radio started to blow up every 12-15 minutes with VERY DIRE Tornado Watches that were now plaguing the surrounding areas. The Tornado Warnings were so Death and Doom oriented I recored on one My Phone. Here is that Tornado Warning:

“Beep-Beep-Beep The National Weather Service has issued a tornado Warning for Cumberland, Kilingsworth, and Duncan unit 2:15 pm eastern Daylight Time. At 1:37 pm Severe Thunderstorms capable of producing BOTH Tornados and extensive HIGH WIND Damage Located near Mourville moving Northeast at 45 miles per hour. HAZARD TORNADO Source: Radar indicated Rotation. Impact: Flying Debris will be Dangerous those caught without Shelter, Mobile Homes WILL BE DAMAGED OR DESTROYED. Damage to Roofs, Windows, and Vehicles WILL OCCURE. Tree Damage IS LIKELY. This Waring Includes I-90 between Mile Markers 48 and 68. Precautionary/Preparedness Actions: TAKE COVER NOW. Move to an Interior Room located on the LOWEST FLOOR of a STABLE BUILDING. AVOID WINDOWS. If You are Outdoors, in a Mobile Home or in a Vehicle move to the CLOSEST SUBSTANTIAL SHELTER and PRTECT YOURSELF FROM FLYING DEBRIS. This cluster of Thunderstorms is capable of PRODUCING TORNADOS and WIDE SPRED WIND DAMAGE. DO NOT WAIT TO SEE OR HEAR THE TORNADO for Your PROTECTION Move to an INTERIOR ROOM on the LOWEST FLOOR of a Building. Beep-Beep-Beep”

The rain was coming down in Torrential Sheets being wildly whipped around by the increasingly strong Winds. You couldn’t see more than 5 feet in front of You at best. You had to strain the fuck out of Your eyes in an attempt to keep track of the Tail Lights of the Car in front of You to (keep from driving off the fucking road all together). There was a moment when My Hurricane Bravado wained and I thought to Myself that Holy Shit We might have to be ready to actually Bail off the Highway in search of Shelter of some sort. Luckily We made it through unscathed.

I got to My meeting at 9:45 pm and started Drinking at 9:47. I overdid it a bit and ended up doing Shots of Fireball while pounding Budweisers until I back to Our Base Camp at 4:30ish in the Morning. Needless to say I’m getting Older than I was Earlier in My Life and woke up the Next Day feeling like I had been run the fuck over by a Steamroller. I spent the Day nursing one hell of a Hangover. By 6:30 I was back on track. We had an early Easter Dinner and was back at the Bar at a little before 10pm, but this was a Personal trip for Fun (Not Business like the Night Before). I arrived back at Basecamp at quarter of 3 in the Morning.

On Easter We hit the Road for Home and this time the Trip was smooth as could be without a single delay or mishap. WITH THAT SAID I am Fully Aware I am behind in Posting the “Daily” installments of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher as well all the other Planed Posts because of this Turbulent Trip. I Apologize in al Honesty and with the greatest Sincerity I will do My Best to get Caught Up Quick as I can. Thank You.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Growing Up & Getting Even

Phil never felt the need to grow up. Thats not to say He wasn’t aware he was going to get old and one day die because Phil was quite aware of this. For His entire childhood Phil had been told that People graduate High School, GoTo Collage, Graduate with a Degree, Get a Job, Get Married, Buy a House, Have Kids, Commit to a Career, Work, Grow old, Retire, and Die shortly there after.

This plan for ones life was absolutely unappealing to Phil. Phil didn’t want to live a Ridged , and Pre Structure Life, Phil was far too Abstract for all that traditional Social Norms Nonsense. Phil was what People refer to as a Free Spirit, a Person Who walked to the Beat of Their Own Drum, and Cut from a Different Cloth. It all inevitably all lead to the fact most Friends/Family of Phil’s all agreed He suffered from a wicked case of Peter Pan Syndrome.

Peter Pan Syndrome isn’t a real Syndrome like Downs mind You. Its some stupid bullshit that Conformists created to define Those Who walked free from the Flock. PPS simple means that a Person for whatever reason(s) doesn’t grow up to be what is commonly called Mature.

The way Phil saw it Mature was just a fancy way of saying falling in line. Why should He watch what He was Saying?! Who gives a shit if something is “Not what People Do”?! Why not do something Unusual?!

Phil truly felt that if He was born a totally unique one of a kind and that there was no one exactly like Him Why would He then opt to Act, Dress, Behave,and Live Life like Everyone fucking Else?! Be a Leader Not a Lemming was Phil’s personal motto since He was 13 years old.

So Phil did in fact Graduate from High School, and gave Collage a Try. Collage was far more free flowing than High School had been, BUT Phil couldn’t seem to figure out a Educational Path to Follow.

Since Collage was’t in Phil’s future He did the Only Other thing He could do ACCORDING to His Parents, Family, Teachers, Guidance Counselors, and all Other Authority Figures.

It took next to No Time for Phil to realize He detested Working for Another. Phil always had a Extremely Strong Aversion to ANY AND ALL AUTHORITY FIGURES. Just like other People Phil resented Someone having the Power and control over Him, BUT unlike the Others Phil didn’t hide His feelings just the opposite.

Phil was VERY Outspoken about his Views, Opinions, and General Thinking. Phil didn’t have this fucking “Filter” as They say though Phil always thought Filters were for fucking Pools not People.

One Day Phil decided to relocate to Florida as He hated Cold fucking Weather with a passion, and there was nothing keeping Phil tied down as He wasn’t married, No Kids, Didn’t own a House or Business, wasn’t attending Collage, and He had come to hate pretty much everyone in His Home Town of Phukuville. Thus Phil could simple up and move with little notice or planning involved.

Once Phil made it to Florida He settled in Orlando renting a Small Apartment in a Cheaply Built Apartment Building off of Orange Blossom Trail. Phil’s crappy Apartment had one perk if You will as it was just a mere 8 minutes from Disney World.

Phil needed work quick to get some positive cash flow coming in. Phil first took a job as a Short Order Cook at a Country Themed Restaurant call The Black Eyed Pea. The Black Eyed Pea is essentially a Poor Man’s 3rd rate Cracker Barrel rip off. Phil had a blast partying with His coworkers, BUT inevitably Phil ended up Quitting on the Spot on Day due to the fact He felt the Manager was just being a dick for the sake of being a dick.

Phil then took a Job as a Telemarketer and absolutely hated everything about the Job. His employer was some vaguely shady company with a token cliche name referencing America. The hours were odd, and the pay was less than appealing. Phil didn’t speak to His coworkers as He felt They were all fucking Basket Cases, had legit Mental Health issues, had Drug issues, or some sort of unscrupulous Scumshit (a Low Life Piece of Shit).

When Phil got so sick of the Job that He wanted to Burn the fucking Call Center Down decided to just never go back fuck’em. After that Phil eked by one His meager savings, and small loans from Family Members. Finally the Bank Account ran dry and there was No More Family to ask for a Loan Phil had a moment of clarity.

Phil went out bright and early the next morning to purchase a Newspaper. Phil then went home and proceeded to open the paper to the Classifieds where something absolutely amazing. Phil saw an Advertisement for Help Wanted at Disney World, and this NEVER HAPPENS. The reason that a Help Wanted ad was so rare it was like spotting a fucking Bigfoot riding on the back of a Unicorn was this.

First and foremost NO ONE currently Employed by Disney World would quite unless They HAD NO OTHER CHOICE BUT TO DO SO. Why You ask? Simple. Disney World payed REALLY WELL and the Benefits were fucking UNREAL. Second the rarest of occasions that a Job at Disney World did open up it was filled almost instantly. Hiring at Disney World is identical to the Auditions for American fucking Idol as in HUNDREDS of People Apply.

Taking the Want add as a sign Phil boarded the first Bus headed to Disney World. Once Phil arrived it took Him 90 fucking minutes to locate where the Hiring Office actually was as Disney World is Big as Hell.

In spite of the massive delay in locating the Hiring Office Phil was the first one there as the Office was just opening. Phil was released as he had hailed ass through the Parks and all because as He was looking for the Hiring Office He say a multitude of Other People doing the same. Perhaps this was part of the Hiring Process Phil wondered as sometimes Employers do weird shit like that to see You is determined and Who preservers.

The Job was for a Wild West Restaurant Actor which was described to Phil in the following way. There was a Huge Wild West Themed Restaurant in one of the several Disney World Parks that had Actors working there in addition to the Servers and Kitchen Staff. Actors/Actresses dressed as Cowboys in 18th century Wild West Attire and Acted out various Storylines.

NOW THIS WAS NO DINNER THEATER At Least NOT in the Conventional Sense. Unlike normal Dinner Theaters were Dinners filled a Dinning room and the Actors put on They’re performance on a Stage. There was No Stage at the Wild West Restaurant.

Instead the Actors and Actresses preformed the set Stories/Story Lines while roaming through out the Entire Restaurant among the Dinners. And this being a Wild West Theme there were Bank Robberies, Foot Chases, Ho Downs, Town Meetings, and Yes Gun Fights happening around the Visitors as They ate.

Phil aced the interview which was far from surprising as Phil was blessed with the Gift of Gab,and could seriously turn up the Charm when He needed too. Phil was given the Job as “Cowboy ” who would do all sort of cool things from playing Poker at a Table mixed in with the Diners or Having full blow Gun Fights. The Roles He’s play would change Daily to keep it fresh for the Visitors and more Interesting for Actors and Actresses.

Time ticked by as the weeks turned into Months and Phil feel head over heels for His official Job as a Fictional Cowboy. He had money in the Bank. He moved to a much nicer (but still cheaply constructed) 2 Bedroom Town House. He bought a New Car. Life was good.

Christmas came around and for the very first time in Phil’s life he mailed out Christmas cards. Phil had never put much thought into shit like Christmas Cards because they didn’t register as important a thing as they did for other People. So Phil hit up the local Hallmark Store and bought a slew of Christmas Cards.

Phil headed home and started filling out the Christmas Cards He had purchased to send to ALL His Friends and Family back home as well as Several Other Key People (one being for example His High School Principle Mr. Witless) As soon as He was done the last one Phil mailed them immediately without hesitation.

When Phil’s Seasons Greeting Christmas Cards arrived to His Entire Family, Every One of His Friends, and Some Others (His first Boss Dick Pickler from Samuel Goody’s a Chain of Commercial Record Stores) They all happily oped the envelope, opened the card, took a deep breath, and read…..

Hello and Happy Holidays Assholes,

For years You all told Me relentlessly time and time again to Grow up, Act My Age and Get a Job. Well I’m a full grown Adult now ,and I have a full time Job with Excellent Pay/Benefits.

What is My Job? What do I Do?

I dress up in a Authentic Cowboy Costume and Play Cowboys & Indians for 12 hours 4 fucking Days a week. Thats what the fuck I do for a Living so Fuck Your Bad Advice, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Shitheads!

See Ya Later PHIL!

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

The Horrors in American History: Here Comes The White Guys

Lets face it people White People are Evil as fuck.

I can definitely say that being that I am White, so white in fact if I was any whiter I’d my skin would be translucent. I’m not kidding here I make an Irish man look like some sun bathed Life Guard from Baywatch or some shit.

Now here comes the reality behind that statement.

White Europeans spent Thousands of years Waring for Land and Power or torturing/murdering in the name of Their “God”.

Point being White Europeans were fucked, (then again if you lived through the fucking Black Plague of course your going to be fucked in the head as you watched Two Thirds of Europe die) before they started considering the possibility of Land beyond the boarders of the Oceans.

As for Mr. Christopher Columbus well to refresh our collective memory first of all WASN’T EUROPEAN (AKA WHITE) He was an immigrant from Italy which makes him Mediterranean.

Second he DIDN’T discover America because he was such a shitty explorer that he ended up in the fucking Caribbean haven grossly undershot his initial target.

Not to mention HE WAS LOOKING FOR THE COUNTRY OF INDA AT THE TIME THE FUCKING MORON.

Lastly Columbus DIDN’T DISCOVER ANY CARIBBEAN ISLANDS EITHER.

This is due to the simple fact YOU CAN’T DISCOVER A NEW LAND THATS BEEN POPULATED FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS ALREADY BY INDIGENOUS People(s).

Now fast forward to Between April 2nd to the 8th 1513 When THE SPANISH EXPLORER Juan Ponce de Leon first LANDED on the shores of Florida near St. Augustine and knew it wasn’t fucking India.

Alright now We head to November 11, 1620 when FINALLY WHITE EUROPEANS Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock after a 66 days Voyage to escape from Britain. 107 fucking years AFTER Ponce de Leon mind you.

The Pilgrims had Their reasons for making such a treacherous and undoubtedly dangerous as fuck journey across the Pond.

The Pilgrims primary issues were One the fucking Tyrannical and Corrupt as hell British Government who just loved taxing the shit out of Their citizens, and generally treating anyone other than Royalty like complete shit. Also the Pilgrims were being Persecuted like a motherfucker for Their Religious Beliefs.

So bottomline life in Britain sucked so goddamn bad the Pilgrims risked life, and limb to escape to the other side of the fucking Ocean for fuck’s sake.

As well all are well fucking aware the Indigenous Indians basically saved the Pilgrims lily White asses from certain death by starvation. And for the most part everyone got along pretty fucking well.

Basically as time ticked on the White Man started to require more and more land up and down the East Coast. Then once that was done They headed slowly but surly farther and fucking farther out West.

Now the ENTIRE fucking time in his pursuit of Land, Power, and Valuable Resources the White Man did everything thing he could think of to totally fuck over the Indigenous Indian Tribes every fucking day of the week and twice on fucking Sundays.

Lets fucking face it ANY, EVERY, AND ALL Deeds, Deals, Treaties or Contracts between the Indians and The White Man were egregiously disregarded, Violated, and Ignored by The White Man rendering them utterly Null and Void.

And when Corruption, Back Stabbing, Lying, Cheating, Stealing, and Two Faced Tactics didn’t work or took too damn long the White Man decided to commit NATION WIDE GENOCIDE. The White Man took to Murdering Indians without Remorse or Consequence with ongoing encouragement from THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT.

One way it made mass murdering the Indigenous People was by Demonizing them, and in this case the White Man used HIS FUCKING RELIGION to justify endless killing. The White Man stated that since these Indigenous People were NOT CHRISTIANS then they were nothing more than Violent Savages, and Uncivilized Heathens something so low it was no longer even to be considered a Person. Not very fucking Christian you ask Me.

Don’t get me wrong there were a number of Indigenous People who the fucking White Man didn’t Kill either through Murder or Disease (ex. Small Pox and other European Diseases that the Native Indians had no resistance to so They became sick and subsequently died. That had to fucking suck ass).

Since these Indigenous People were still alive but defeated as fuck The White Man was fucking kind enough to move The Survivors onto what is called a Reservation.

Reservations kind of sound alright until you fucking realize it just a shitty piece of Land with FEW to NO Resources, Sucks for Farming, Sucks for Hunting and Fishing, and the Weather is Brutal with Harrowing Heat in the Sweltering Summer, and The Crippling Cold of Winter.

So basically a Reservation was, and is unwanted undesirable scrap of shitty land that White Men didn’t/don’t want so They dumped the Indigenous Indians there like a Human Landfill of Flesh.

Not to fucking mention as a side note The White Man introduced ALCOHOL to Native Americans who have an unfortunate predisposition to Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. The SOLE REASON for the introduction by The White Man was to help cheat The Native Americans on fucking various Deals and Treaty’s. The saying was “Its easier to make Deals with Drunken Indians.”

My point is this ALL FUCKING WHITE PEOPLE ARE IMMIGRANTS Whose Ancestors came to America to be Free, were saved from a miserable fucking death by the Native Americans, then turned around and, Robbed, Raped, Cheated, Murdered, and EFFECTIVELY STOLE AMERICA PIECE BY PIECE FROM THE NATIVE AMERICANS THROUGH MURDER AND DOUBLE DEALINGS..

TO all the Racist Assholes in America :

THIS ISN’T YOUR COUNTRY YOUR THE SON/DAUGHTER OF A IMMIGRANT. Columbus didn’t discover A FUCKING THING, and The Spanish got here over 100 fucking years before the first White fucking European from fucking Britain. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ENTITLED RACIST FUCKWITS.

Our PILGRIM ANCESTORS brought “the Plague of The White Man” to the Shores of America looking for shelter from a CORRUPT AND OPPRESSIVE FUCKING GOVERNMENT as well as RELIGIOUS GODDAMN PERSECUTION, BUT In The End They Became a Corrupt Government , and Religiously Persecuted the Indigenous People for being “Non Christians”.

Nazis, Klans Men, White Nationalists and other Racist Scumfucks are HYPOCRITICAL, IGNORANT, WHITE TRASH PIECES OF SHIT.

Fuck All Forms of Racism.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

Murder And Mayhem At Trump’s Insidious Impromptu News Conference Of Death & Damnation

Have you ever woken up in the morning and the first though you have is that you really want to pick a fight? I have many times and today I decided the person I was to pick a fight with would be the one and only Donald Trump. I ,along with the rest of the American people , have been bombarded by Donald Trump on television, printed interviews/articles in newspapers and magazines alike, Twitter, Youtube, and even radio. I must be clear I hate Donald Trump politically and personally as he is an extremely shitty person to begin with. Now why, or for what reason do I dislike Trump so highly?
Donald Trump looks quite similar to the past 44 presidents (excluding Obama obviously). He dresses in expensive high end suits worth thousands, predominately wears red or blue ties, is a 70 year old white man, and has a rather large belly. That is where the similarities end. Trump’s unique physical characteristic being found in his ungodly fake spray tan that leaves him looking like he has the worst case of jaundice in recorded history. The second primary physical characteristic is his hair which has remained a mystery for so long it can finally been called the 8th wonder of the world.
As for Donald Trump’s personality characteristics they are truly deplorable as he seems to have a Pandora’s box of bad behavior. Trump is a narcissist of Freudian proportions who’s extreme ego borders on megalomania. Also, for being completely ignorant of the American political system, Trump is over opinionated as well as ruthlessly aggressive on every front and every platform because his unquenchable thirst for power and control are unparalleled. For a president, Trump seems ignorant of the issues and takes every negative comment as a personal attack upon his character. Trump’s immature attitude has him tweeting like a tween and seems to cater to his child-like mentality that causes him to have terrible tantrums reminiscent of a 2 year old. Trump also is a sexist who’s views are almost on par with pedophilia. He is a closet racist and blatant anti semite. Trump is not only rude and insulting, but he always remains unapologetic as he points his finger at anyone but himself.
I just so happen to live in Florida and am located so geographically close to Trump’s Mar-a-Lago mansion that when I saw he was due for another visit I decided this was my chance. I drove to the Palm Beach Post newspaper headquarters down in West Palm Beach to meet up with a buddy of mine that works for the paper. He hooked me up with an official press pass and credentials which (unless you were in the know) made me look like a legitimate reporter. I then made my way to the Trump National Golf Club also located in Mar-a-Lago where Trump was due to throw an impromptu press conference. I strolled past the news truck barricade parked directly out front and past the handful of reporters shooting pre news conference pieces. I entered the club’s front door where a large security man who scowled at my press pass before ordering me through a metal detector. On the other side of the metal detector I was met by another rather large looking security man who gave me a pat down that was so intense it was more like a massage. I made my way into the conference room and managed to finagle my way into the 2nd row front and center where I waited for my prey to enter the room.
It didn’t take long before the rest of the press personnel were herded into the conference room like cattle. About a minute later Donald Trump entered from behind a curtain lazily wandering over to the podium as he smiled with self satisfaction. Once behind the podium Trump proceeded to slowly scan the room from side to side with his classically vacant stare. The conference was a fiasco and made little to absolutely no sense at all as Trump dodged questions, made false allegations and rambled on about subjects that weren’t addressed in the news conference. After 45 minutes or so Trump finally wound down his inane diatribe and opened the floor to questions. This was my opening because to fight Donald Trump your best weapon is Donald Trump. All one has to do to pick a fight with Trump is to say anything remotely critical about him and he launches himself into a terrific tirade which surpasses self defense. He then plunges head first into full on attack mode.
By the time fourth or fifth question had been asked Trump was already leaning aggressively forward over the podium his face flushed with outrageous anger. Trump’s facial features had twisted and contorted into an insane mask of rage filled disgust and endless contempt. He was cracking quickly and I knew it was now or never. I raised my hand and was lucky enough to have him call upon me.
I simply asked the president how he plans to make America great again if his bartenders at Trump’s Bar and Grill couldn’t even make a proper cocktail? Without pausing for a millisecond I continued by explaining. A patron of his eating establishment photographed a $22 gin martini because it was served in wine glass filled with a generous handful of ice. I was some unknown brand of gin, and had a very weak looking olive.
This was the straw that broke the Donald’s back as it were. Trump started waving his hands in the air like a demonically possessed air traffic controller screaming at the top of his lungs that in fact, the world has been making martinis wrong, and Trump’s bar staff actually know the correct recipe. Thats when the shit really hit the fan as they say.
Trump’s private security burst open the conference room doors with the force of an atom bomb and came charging in like rabid bulls. Unfortunately the private security team had had a miscommunication issue as to what was happening and who they were supposed to subdue. This miscommunication led Trump’s private security personnel to engage in an all out fucking fist fight with the Secret Service who too where there for the protection of the president. Steve Bannon appeared out of no where holding a copy of “Mien Komf” which he immediately started reading in German. I wanted to punch Bannon in his white nationalist fat fucking face, but I didn’t want my hand to stink of cheap whiskey, sweat and nazi for the rest of the day. Mike Pence, being the giant pussy that he is, had been methodically backing up since the opening of the Q and A to the curtain behind the podium, which he now utilized to hide with only his expensive Italian loafers poking out from the bottom. Reporters scrambled to defensive positions tripping over each other’s camera cords, and misplaced chairs in an attempt to capture as much footage as possible. Kellyanne Conway showed up to pander to the remaining cameras and reporters jumping around like a jack rabbit on crystal meth. Kellyanne was trying in vain to convince the reporters that this was not a riot of any kind, BUT it was a rally born of over exuberance, love and support for Trump. This over exuberance had caused a spontaneous outbreak of fanatical joy and sincere celebration. Moments after appearing on the scene Kellyanne was struck violently on the top of her head in the misguided attack by a Trump supporter armed with a confiscated boom microphone. The boom microphone crashed down upon Kellyanne’s skull with such brute force it split her head in half in a volcanic explosion of blood. Kellyanne’s body wavered a second with her eyes still blinking in such a way it was reminiscent of a Hammerhead Shark before collapsing lifelessly on the floor. Just then I spotted the one person I hate worse than Donald Trump, the British journalist Milo “I will say anything or back anything outrageous for attention” Yiannopoulos who is employed by the GOP to run interference using the most vile propaganda to distract the public from the president. Milo was dressed in a British school boys uniform to accommodate his latest travesty of defending, exuding and virtually promoting pedophilia. My attention was drawn to Yiannopoulos. He was fleeing franticly towards the fire exit at the back of the room when he got knocked flat on his back by an improvised nazi salute from Bannon. I ran over to Milo and informed him I was the vice president of NAMBLA (may all members of NAMBLA be castrated and left to bleed out)and I was here to help him escape. Once Milo was on his feet again I led him to the center of the conference room directly under the industrial fan that was humming like monster truck engine.
Once we were positioned under the gigantic fan I bent down, grabbed Milo behind his legs under his buttocks, and hoisted him strait up into the fury of the fan blades. The fan blades turned Milo’s head, arms and upper torso into minced meat with a shower of blood, bone and body parts raining down upon the entire room. I dropped Milo’s mutilated and mangled carcass and looked back at Steve Bannon. Bannon had worked himself into such a fury he had triggered a massive fucking heart attack. His face as white as his KKK hood, sweating like a pig at the slaughtering house, gasping for air and clutching at his heart with his right hand while still kept on reading. Seconds later Bannon dropped to his knees, explosively shit his pants and fell over dead as a door nail, and his eyes looked like 2 fucking blowfish due to Bannon’s extremely insane blood pressure right before death. The chaos was reaching a climax when I realized if I believed in self preservation this was time to make my exit. Trump’s security had surrounded him and were ushering him out the door with great difficulty because Trump kept stopping to turn around and yell ridiculous claims such as this was a media plot to destroy and discredit him, this is part of the Liberal agenda, this was in all reality fake news, the electoral college, the boarder wall, molesting women, his bank account, Putin and how it was mother Russia marrying father America, questioning Obama’s birth certificate, China hackers that plagued the election, hair care, tanning tips, advertisements for Trump Towers/ Trump casino’s/Trump Hotels, unifying America, Rosie O’Donell, preaching he never once went bankrupt, the annoying planes that fly over his mansion, tweeting, and vast voter fraud. I ducked and weaved my way to and fro, out the conference room door into the foyer. As I made a beeline for the club’s front door I saw radio personality and Trump lover Alex Jones standing in the middle of the foyer like he was the eye of a hurricane. Jones was spouting Trump propaganda and undying support for him, like a deranged circus barker. I couldn’t resist so I got in front of him and when he opened his mouth for another decree I rammed my microphone into it, and then proceeded to jam the microphone as far as humanly possible down his throat into his esophagus rendering Jones silent as well as dead the mic cord hanging out the corner of his mouth like a wayward piece of spaghetti.

As I strode towards my car drenched in blood I thought to myself what a wonderful little riot that was.

Eon’s Magic Mushroom Saga

It was one of those picture perfect days in the Great Southern Swamp. A crystal blue sky you could stare off into for hours, sun so bright it looked like a grotesque replica from a cheap gas station postcard and a gentle breeze to stave off the hellish heat with ungodly humidity. Eon was the only one of us (us being Eon, Armenian and myself) who had the day off from serving over priced cocktails to belligerent businessmen in over priced suits. Since the weather was so wonderful Eon decided to take a long bike ride into the center of the Swamp where there is an astounding amount of terra firma to the point it has been converted to cattle farming country long ago in a different time in the same place.

Now this wasn’t a random off the top of her head decision you see she had an exact destination complete with a obtainable goal. The hunt started off looking for the destination which was a specific field of grazing cattle which is insanely hard due to the fact thats all there is in the center of the Great Southern Swamp are cattle grazing fields. But Eon had the upper hand because she had been given vaguely cryptic directions by a well intentioned co-worker by the name of Psilocybin. The hunt concluded with the obtainable goal of harvesting some marvelous Magic Mushrooms.

I feel its pertinent to explain the correlation between the Cattle Field and the Magic Mushrooms. Its actually quite simple biological science you see. It starts with the cows who spend all day long (at sometimes night as well as they aren’t dairy cows but rather beef cows) grazing happily in the vast open fields where one field could cover up to 100 plus aches. Since the cows eat then we all know they have to shit which they do all day long as well. With the intense heat and rabid humidity along with ample sun and rain pervides the ideal weather for nurturing the growth of funguses such as mushrooms in this case. So thusly the mushrooms sprout and mature growing in/on the cow crap in the hot, steamy environment some of which are Magic Mushrooms, but I digress.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Collecting Magic Mushrooms is EXTREMELY HAZARDOUS and could lead to SERIOUS INJURY OR DEATH. Why? HERES WHY:

If you don’t know the 100% positive identification of the Magic Mushroom you could pick the WRONG mushroom causing you to become VIOLENTLY SICK and in some cases they could POISON YOU AND YOU DIE.
There are BULLS out in the field NOT JUST COWS. Bulls are exactly like you’ve been told they are. BULLS ARE AGGRESSIVE, EASYLY ANGERED, TERRITORIAL and PROTECTIVE OF THE COWS as he perceives them as his women who are not to be trifled with.
REMEMBER YOUR TRESPASSING which is BREAKING THE LAW and can result in you being ARRESTED OR WORSE. In the Great Southern Swamps farmer’s CAN LEGALLY SHOOT TRESPASSERS, THEY CAN USE DEADLY FORCE BY LAW. Now most Farmer’s don’t want to kill anyone especially some stupid kids SO they load their SHOTGUNS with ROCK SALT. You see ROCK SALT SHOT OUT OF A SHOTGUN will PIERCE YOUR SKIN and if you aren’t aware Salt in a wound BURNS LIKE BOILING ACID though its virtually non lethal.
MAGIC MUSHROOMS ARE CONSIDERED AN ILLEGAL DRUG BY THE POLICE SO YOU ALSO RISK ARREST AND PROSECUTION FOR DRUG POSSESSION.

With mission in mind and hope in her heart Eon mounted her Thrift Store Special bicycle and started peddling in the direction of the designated hallucinogenic promised land. After an hour or two Eon finally stumbled more or less upon the desired field and leaned her bike up against a fence pole, checked her backpack and headed into the heart of the field. As the day trailed on Eon found a plethora of Magic Mushrooms along her travels in the field and was generally pleased with how things were working out. At one point Eon paused and took note that the sun was setting and that was her sign it was time to head on home. It didn’t take long for Eon to suddenly realize she was a tad bit lost as standing in the field was like standing on a life raft in open water, where there is no way to orient oneself. So Eon did all she could to try and retrace her steps through the field and its bovine residents until Eon noticed something out of the corner of her eye. It was a rather large penis that belonged to a even larger Bull with a massive set of menacing looking horns. Eon froze as she and the Bull eyed one another up and then Eon started to run like hell. The Bull waited a brief minute and then decided even if Eon was retreating he stilled needed to settle the score because she had effectively broken into his house. Once the Bull made up his mind he charged after Eon in enraged at her indiscretion and intent on goring her to death or perhaps just trampling her to death one or the other it supposed. Eon saw the fence marking the perimeter of the field, but was unaware it wasn’t the side of the fence she entered through. Any who Eon fueled by adrenaline and the will to live hauled ass making it to the fence and baseball sliding under it just in time to avoid being killed by the Bull. BUT Eon had exited the opposite side of the field she had entered and this side of the field ended right outside of the fence at a 5-6 foot drop strait down into the deep dark (and more than likely Alligator infested) waters of one of the Great Southern Swamps numerous interconnecting canals. Luckily for Eon she managed to at the last possible second to grab hold of the long grass and weeds to keep from plummeting into the cretinous canal. Her body still pumped up on adrenaline managed to pull Eon up onto the narrow 3 foot embankment to safety.

Eon was now faced with a dying twilight and decided the best (and really only) option was to start walking along the massive fence perimeter until she inevitably found her bike. With a huge sigh of relief Eon hopped on her bike and peddled for the comfort and safety of home. Yet there was one trial left for little Eon to endure for as Eon was biking home with a back pack filled with Magic Mushroom (approximately a quarter pound or so) which are highly illegal she was “pulled over”. As it turned out it was just a local yokel cop who was rather bored and a decent enough person to stop Eon to see if she was alright. Eon told the officer she was all good and almost home (she was in fact only 4 blocks from the house when she got stopped) and with that the cop road off none the wiser.