I am so blah. I don’t really know how to describe it. I suppose me feeling this way when November rolls around is turning into sort of a trend.
But no this time is different because I am trying to escape the disfunction. And that is all I find. My energy levels are so freaking sapped. It is like everything I put into a thought remains just as that, just as a thought. Suspended in time. Not fullfilled, but so far from being broken. Just captured.
So I sit here trying to recapture some of the energy. It comes in a song, it comes in a whisper from others but is not internal. I lost it in the wind, have lost it in the wind.
Maybe all I need is some good drugs. I sleep only seldom and am in this fog all the time. Not the place where I want to be. I would rather live in pandemonium then this constant fog. I cannot feel in the fog. It is a dangerous place to be.
Once long ago I was entirely too concerned about others giving up on me. Now this curse lingering within me is making me want to give up on myself. At least I keep them busy in the ER between Halloween and Thanksgiving.
By SpaceDog 