Tag: Food

My What a Shitty Little Restaurant You Have Here.

The Other Day My Mother Texted My Wife and I asking if We’d like to have Lunch at a New Little Marina Restaurant She’d found out about. You see there Several Marina/Campgrounds Out Our Way catering to the Outdoor People Crowd. If you want to Hike it, Bike It, Fish It, Hunt it, Sail It, Or Off Road with it You’d find it Heavenly.

Never being Ones to turn down a Free Meal We texted back Sure Thing. It only took about Half an Hour to get there which really isn’t so fucking Bad out Where We live (in the Middle of Absolutely No Where USA). Usually it takes a minimum of about 45 minutes to get  most Populated places around here, but the real Rule of thumb is if You Need or Want something it’s Generally an Hour away.

 

We pulled into the Campground and proceeded to drive down a long and rather winding White Gravel Makeshift Road pass Line after Line of Older Single Wide Mobile Homes. The Mobile Homes were Rented Out by the Campground as Cabins for Their Customers. While it’s true a Single Wide Trailer is ABSOLUTELY NOT A FUCKING CABIN ANYWHERE ELSE I’M AWARE OF, BUT HERE IT IS. We Drove on until the Road Dead Ended in a Tiny cramped Parking lot that could only accommodate 7-8 Cars tops.

We parked and hopped on out pausing a moment to took at the River Way for a Minute before heading Inside. It was Nothing Fancy that was for fucking sure, but I’m low as low maintenance can get so I was quite Entertained by it all. It’s Your Typical Garden Variety Marina Restaurant / Bait & Tackle Shop only it’s a Small Establishment with Limited Space to work with.

When You enter Your in the Dining Area with a Handful of Tables squeezed into one of the Building’s Corners. To Your left there was a long Non Descriptive Cashier’s Counter that had all kinds of Fishing Gear Like Hooks, Weights, Fillet Knifes, a expansive array of  Fishing Lures, Line, and signs Pertaining to the multiple kinds of Live Bait (Such as Crickets, Several Varieties of Worms and Feeder Fish) hanging on the wall behind it.

The Entire back Half of the Building housed the Bait & Tackle Store with all the usual fare like Baseball Hats, Bandanas, T-Shirts, Cheap Styrofoam Coolers, Beer/Soda Coozies, Fishing Poles, Tackle Boxes, Fishing Line, Boat Assorted Boat Supplies, a Variety of Pocket Knifes, Boots, Bug Spray, Bottle Openers, Camouflage Clothing of all Types, Ammunition, Gun Racks, American Flag Merch, Stupid Souvenir Shot Glasses, Cheesy Key Chains, and Everything else a Hunter, Fisher, Boater or Cookie Cutter Tourist would Need on any given Day.

        

So We took a Seat at One of the Tables and Started to pour over the Very Simple Menu (No Five Star Shit Here).  AT least Half the fucking Menu was basic Bar Food AKA Anything You can Drop into a fucking Fryer. There was one page of “Dinner Entrees” that gave off a Vibe to Avoid Them. The Waitress walked over like She a Night of The Living Dead Extra that didn’t make the Cut at Casting. There was no Hello or Smile about it She came over and asked Us our Drink Order in a Depressed Tone of Voice that seemed to say “Hey I’ve Given Up On Life.” before Shuffling off like She was Heavily Medicated with fucking Thorazine.

She took her sewer ass time getting back, and when She did She handed Us our Drinks which where just Bottles of Soda She had snagged from the Bait & Tackle Shop with No Glass or Straw option offered. The Disheveled Waitress with grey frizzy Hair thrown back into a haphazard Ponytail wearing the Faded Grateful Dead T-Shirt just sort of Stood at Our table  looking like fucking Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh and shit.

       

When The Lackluster Waitress finally spoke She asked for Our order. My Mother Bless Her fucking Soul has turned into one of those Little Old Ladies that ask so many fucking questions that People feel like They’re being Interrogated by a Ex-Member of Black Ops. So My Mother launches into her Version of 120 Questions inquiring about the Catfish Platter which she inevitably ended up Ordering, I had the Catfish Sandwich, and My Wife ordered the Country Fired Steak.

Now The Real Red fucking Flag here was during My Mother’s cross examination of the Sad Sack of a Waitress if the Catfish was indeed FRESH, and the Answer was Unequivocally NO. You see Out Here in the Woods by The Lake there is NO FUCKING LOGICAL REASON You can’t acquire and serve FRESH FUCKING CATFISH Especially if You Own and Operate A FUCKING MARINA ON THE FUCKING WATER. Danger be Damned My mother and I stuck to Our Original Order holding Our Ground.

   

For Such a Small establishment with only 3 fucking Customers in it at this Point and Time the food took fucking forever even though My Mother and I had Order Bar Food Fair (Fried Catfish Fillets and French Fries). Right as We were about to Riot the Waitress came creeping back like an Arthritic Tortoise with Our fucking Food. When She reached the Table She literally plopped the Food down unenthusiastically like serving Us was the fucking Bane of Her fucking Existence. She also failed to offer Us any Condiments, Drink Refills, or check if We needed anything Period.

She set My Food on the Table She announces that She actually fucked up a 1 of a 3 person Order by bringing out 2 Catfish Dinners when I Ordered the Catfish Sandwich. I got pissed at this point because the Dimwitted Waitress had picked up the fucking Order, Walked it Over, and set it Down AND THEN REALIZED She fucked up. I told her (on Principle here People) to fucking Fix it. A Couple minutes later the fucking Cook comes Out with the Food and heads over to Our table.

          

She then dumps this plate in front of Me like an insensitive asshole. I look down and damn near lost My shit. Apparently the Waitress and brought the food back where the Crappy Cook Took to of the Fillets from the Catfish Platter and placed them on a Plain Grocery Store Hamburger Bun and thats fucking it. No Mayo/Tartar Sauce, No tomato, No Pickle, No Lettuce not a fucking thing But this Generic Dry ass Hamburger Bun.

Before I could confront the Cook She leans past Me and gives Her the Other 2 Fillets from My incorrect Catfish Platter. Now I’m just fucking Dumbfounded the first thing I thought was I’m I being fucking Punished?! Why are they giving half my fucking food to My Mother instead of Me?!

        

They Simple DID NOT Give a single Rat’s Ass or Flying Fuck about Their Jobs, and Were constantly Battling Crippling and Chronic Depression. Suicidal Thoughts Abound.

The whole fucking Ordeal was so Bizarrely Surreal the Perfect way to sum this Sort up is This Quote: “When the Waitress left I didn’t know if I’d ever see Her again or if She was going to commit Suicide in the Restroom.”

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

I hate Oprah Winfrey

First of all, I must say I do not entirely hate Oprah Winfrey. The success she has achieved as a talk show host and business entrepreneur is indeed absolutely remarkable.

So why exactly do I hate Oprah Winfrey??? It apparently is today’s million dollar question. Well I happened to watch yesterday’s show with her mentioning some mumbo jumbo about never having to be overweight or unhappy ever again.

So anyway……she had some talking head middle aged woman on with her blabbing about her new book or some grandiose bullshit like that. Then she had different assorted women talking about their weight loss struggles or something like that. I don’t even really know I was really not even paying that much attention.

   

However there were several things that greatly disturbed me. This talking head blabbing woman on there with her, maybe she was a doctor or some accredited something or another, talked about how in order to lose weight you cannot deprive yourself and shouldn’t count calories and all that.

People like this are exactly the problem that we have with obesity in this country. For Oprah Winfrey (who so many women understandable look up to her) to allow this woman to say something like this is a complete mockery.

First of all in order to lose weight one must create a calorie deficiency. You have to burn more calories then take in order to lose weight. I highly doubt Oprah’s legion of follows is going to burn more calories then take in if they do not deprive themselves of food somewhat. No one really wants to do two hours of cardio (or an hour of high intensity interval training) on a daily basis in order to keep consuming their fried chicken or their sugary treats or their ice cream or their cheesesteaks or their biscuits and gravy.

    

Then she goes on about how the most important thing is to be happy with your creator and you will be happy. OK that is fine and all. Now we get to have a bunch of fat women sitting in church not depriving themselves and celebrating with their 3500 calorie chompdown at the Old Country Buffet. While God is an important figure in many people’s lives it is not the above all and end all of happiness. Well if there is a God when you die I am sure it is, unless you are a naughty Catholic and thus damned to hell.

      

The craziest thing about Oprah’s struggles is that she is so rich that she should not need to worry about what she is consuming and how much is exercising. She could easily have people figure this out for her. She could easily have wonderful meals made for her that are delicious and low calories. She could easily find something to graze on like lettuce or carrots or hoodia. Yes I said hoodia.

Hoodia is found in South Africa or other parts of Africa. Oprah is a racist. It is quite funny how we can allow black people to be racists in this country but not white people. Oh wait, I forgot about the small but vocal minority of people in this country that consider themselves birthers. People that believe are president is not from this country. But this is not about Obama. This is about Oprah.

I’m really not all that frazzled by Oprah’s comments on the web talking about the white people that work for her. I might say the same about black people I worked with who were kind, decent people due to the fact that most of my contacts with black people have been with gangsters, criminals, and black men who have some kind of horrible fever for my flesh.

       

I’m really most appalled by Oprah not allowing whites into her school in South Africa. If someone white did this it would be all over the place. It would be protested and it would be stopped. I suppose because this is in a foreign country that only recently ended apartheid the people there are more then happy about having the blacks away from their white kids. Oprah is only adding to the problem. She is not helping that country progress. All the money in the world she has does not make this right.

So in closing I must say this. Oprah should really inspire our country’s women (and possibly men) to lose weight by setting an example. So many people admire her and this would mean a lot to so many people. On this one regard I have to say that Oprah is a quitter and a major disappointment to me.

Mind, body, and soul Oprah. Show me some gusto. Until then enjoy being overweight. Enjoy your shortened life span. Enjoy your rolls, both at the table and under your clothing. Inspire. You’ve lived, you’ve dreamed. Your generous. I know I’m all over the place here but in closing all I can say is I am very disappointed.

  By SpaceDog

Vegetarians Vs. Vegans

I have no issue with vegetarians there like the Buddhists of the food world. That is they do their vegetarian deal, you can do whatever you want    and everyone eats in peace.

Vegans are a totally different fucking story thats for sure. I absolutely hate the hell out of fucking vegans because they’re the Christians of the food world. That is they feel some ungodly reason to shove their way of eating in your face as they rant like fucking Adolf Hitler on meth about how their way is so much better for you. But thats not all they also feel compelled to lecture arrogantly with a false sense of superiority about how everything you are eating (and every other person on earth) is toxic and slowly killing you. The food you eat (according to them)is killing us by clogging up your colon until the shit literally causes toxic shock syndrome rotting your internal organs, and is compacting in the valves of your heart causing an inevitable shit induced heart attack.

Bottom line: Thank you vegetarians for not being persistent food/diet neo nazi assholes about our dietary differences. Vegans go eat a steak you emaciated, sunken eyed, grey skinned and egotistical assholes.