Tag: Frankenstein

FYB’S FRIDAY NIGHT FEATURE FILM: Vampire Girls Vs. Frankenstein Girl!

For Tonight’s FYB Friday Night Feature We Have For Your Entertainment  The Japanese Horror Comedy Splatter Film By Yoshihiro Nishimura………

Vampire Girl Vs. Frankenstein Girl

This is a Wonderful Example of Absurdity meets Gore Galore in this Over The Top Blood Bath Feature Film!!

        

Plot Summery: Transfer Student Monami who becomes Enamored with Fellow Student Mizushima. Decieving Mizushima into Eating a Token Chocolate , That are LACED with HER BLOOD! Mizushima is then Thrown into Monami’s VAMPIRE WORLD OF LIFE, DEATH, LOVE, AND BUCKETS OF BLOOD!!! Jilted Girlfriend Keiko won’t stand for the Crush Monami’s has on Her Boyfriend Mizushima. In a Sudden Sinister Twist, Keiko is TRANSFORMED into a HIDEOUS and UNFORGIVING FRANKENSTEIN GIRL! The Battle for Mizushima’s Heart and Affections has Begun.

       

Head Up Ironically Readers just a Heads Up, But this Film has SUBTITLES. For those with an Aversion to Subtitles HAVE NO FEAR! The Story is Simple, and Dialogue Minimal. If You’re NOT CONVINCED then Do Us a Favor, and just WATCH The FIRST 2 MINUTES then DECIDE.

I am Aware I have Poked a Great Deal Of Fun AT Warnings, But This Time I’m Not Kidding.

       

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING FILM CONTAINS SCENES OF GRAPHIC VIOLENCE AND EXCESSIVE GORE. IF YOUR FAINT OF HEART, WEAK OF STOMACH, PREGNANT, OR EASILY OFFENDED THERE IS CONTENT YOU MIGHT FIND OBJECTIONABLE, OFFENSIVE, INSULTING OR DISTURBING. VIEWER DISCRETION IS SERIOUSLY ADVISED. NOT FOR YOUNGER AUDIENCES. THIS FILM IS NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT. THE VIEWS AND OPINIONS EXPRESSED IN THE FILM ARE NOT THAT OF FYB, LES SOBER, OUR FRIENDS, ASSOCIATES, PARTNERS, OR COLLABORATORS  Enjoy.

Hope You Enjoyed Tonights Blood Soaked Gorefest of a Film, Good Night and Sleep Tight.

Presented By Les Sober   

The F List Spirals Out Of Control Rapidly, Creator Feels Like Dr. Frankenstein

Even I can’t believe this shit is still going. It really did take on a Life of its fucking Own thats for sure.

For Those Brave Enough To ENDURE reading the ENTIRE LIST, Well Thats far beyond impressive. Give yourself a Cigar.

And Now Ladies&Gentlemen Here For Your Entertainment (and Possible Demise) THE FUCK LIST PART FUCKING FOUR.

!Warning: Prolonged Exposure to this Post can Cause Your Eyes To Bleed!

Fuck Fiber Glass. Fuck Dyson Vacuums. Fuck Dust Busters. Fuck Sams Club.

Fuck Early Mornings. Fuck Dude Ranches. Fuck Jackson Hole. Fuck Whip Its.

Fuck Fly Paper. Fuck Chili’s Baby Back Ribs. Fuck Laser Tag. Fuck OSI.

Fuck Flu Shots. Fuck Local Government. Fuck Bake Sales. Fuck Tube Tops.

FuckGarage Sale Early Birds. Fuck Storage Wars. Fuck Duck Dynasty.

Fuck The Lawrence Welk Show. Fuck Gift Shops. Fuck Imitators.

Fuck Couples That Sit On The Same Side Of The Table. Fuck Diamonds.

Fuck Wedding Registries. Fuck Honeymoons. Fuck No Paternal Leave.

Fuck Heavy Flow Days. Fuck Costume Jewelry. Fuck Monopolies.

Fuck Extradition Laws. Fuck Strep Throat. Fuck Tonsils. Fuck Mono.

Fuck Crotch Rot. Fuck Sweaty Balls. Fuck Heat Rash. Fuck Heat Stroke.

Fuck Pork Rinds. Fuck Jay Leno. Fuck Dr. Phil. Fuck Opera. Fuck Sea Lice.

Fuck Boy Bands. Fuck The Jonas Brothers. Fuck Jehovah Witnesses.

Fuck Clocking 60 New Artists Every Time I Listen To Spotify for 3 Hours.

The TV Show Jack Ass. Fuck Jim Verde, Fuck Office Art. Fuck Watercolor.

Fuck Waiting Room Art. Fuck Box Jellyfish. Fuck Station Wagons.

Fuck Crowds. Fuck Lines. Fuck The Band Sugar Ray. Fuck Mark McGrath.

Fuck Methadone Clinics. Fuck Chore Boy. Fuck Shitting In The Woods.

Fuck Zip Ties. Fuck Garbage Ties. Fuck Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Fuck Bewilderment. Fuck Confusion. Fuck Do Dates. Fuck To Do Lists.

Fuck Team Building Exercises. Fuck Office Birthday Parties. Fuck IBM.

Fuck ADD. Fuck ADHD. Fuck Adult ADD. Fuck Restless Leg Syndrome.

Fuck The Price For Dentures. Fuck Fractions. Fuck Smoker’s Cough.

Fuck Mass Appeal. Fuck The General Public. Fuck Flat Beer. Fuck Luck.

Fuck Vermouth. Fuck Prim & Propper. Fuck Homecoming. Fuck Chick Peas.

Fuck Planking. Fuck Internet Challenges. Fuck Grilling Vegetables.

Fuck Stinky Cheeses. Fuck Closing The Carnegie Deli. Fuck Power Rangers.

Fuck The Jurassic Park Film Franchise. Fuck Agism. Fuck Gary Busey.

Fuck Parsly. Fuck The Today Show. Fuck Erotic Asphyxiation.

Fuck Voyers. Fuck Spies. Fuck Tear Gas. Fuck Jude Judy.

Fuck Souvenir Shot Glasses. Fuck Wearing A Band T-shirt To Their Concert.

Fuck The Drake Passage. Fuck Jimmy Fallon. Fuck Maggots. Fuck Blisters.

Fuck The TV Show Cheaters. Fuck Mosquito Bites. Fuck Hummer Limos.

Fuck Party Buses. Fuck Gift Baskets. Fuck Edible Arrangements. Fuck Frack.

Fuck Being Under Appreciated. Fuck Carpet. Fuck Pink Eye. Fuck Tumors.

Fuck Brain Surgery. Fuck Neurological Disorders. Fuck Boss Hog.

Fuck More. Fuck Less. Fuck Stubbing Your Toe. Fuck Paper Cuts. Fuck Veal.

Fuck Lift. Fuck Ocular Degeneration. Fuck Degeneration X. Fuck InfoWars.

Fuck Dorian Fruit. Fuck GM. Fuck Shitty Weed. Fuck Man Caves.

Fuck Hot Yoga. Fuck Car Shows. Fuck Treachery. Fuck Broken Ribs.

Fuck Back Problems. Fuck Electric Chainsaws. Fuck Electric Lawn Mowers.

Fuck Police Response Times. Fuck Restraining Orders. Fuck Hiccups.

Fuck Inflation. Fuck Exchange Rates. Fuck Currency. Fuck Auto Pay.

Fuck The Gold Standard. Fuck Mixed Nuts. Fuck Internet Cat Fishing.

Fuck SO You Think You Can Dance. Fuck America”s Got Talent.

Fuck The x Factor. Fuck The Voice. Fuck Not Getting a Promotion.

Fuck MV2. Fuck FXX Streaming. Fuck A Dead Tooth. Fuck Dogma.

Fuck Anything Repetitive. Fuck Commercials. Fuck The Penny Saver.

Fuck Pizza Bagels. Fuck Natural Peanut Butter. Fuck Miley Cyrus.

Fuck Rhetoric. Fuck Global Warming Dismissal. Fuck Indoctrination.

Fuck Influence. Fuck Peer Pressure. Fuck Cult Mentality. Fuck BRAVO.

Fuck Exclusion. Fuck Stylists. Fuck Fashion Magazines. Fuck Models.

Fuck Personal Shoppers. Fuck Regional Hospitals. Fuck Road Rash.

Fuck Carpet Burns. Fuck Purple Nerples. Fuck Wet Willies. Fuck Delays.

Fuck Static Electricity. Fuck Perms. Fuck Obscurity. Fuck Fading Away.

Fuck Saying “Bra”. Fuck Saying “No Homo”. Fuck The Delaware River.

Fuck Sunday Sunday. Fuck Set Backs. Fuck Short Comings. Fuck Dyslexia.

Fuck Limitations. Fuck Sweater Vests. Fuck Selfie Sticks. Fuck Compulsion.

Fuck The Dark Web. Fuck Aesthetic Classes. Fuck In School Suspension.

Fuck Private Jets. Fuck Yachts. Fuck Armani. Fuck Corporate Buy Outs.

Fuck Gutless People. Fuck Passionless People. Fuck Pleasantry.

Fuck White Knuckling It. Fuck Photos At The End Of Roller Coasters.

Fuck Jacked Up Beer Prices At Concerts. Fuck Not Using Ones Turn Signal.

Fuck Gender Announcements Parties. Fuck Self Destruction.

Fuck Self Fulfilling Prophecy. Fuck Ms. Manners. Fuck Cutting.

Fuck People Who Bitch But Don’t Do Shit. Fuck Velcro. Fuck Speedos.

Fuck Welcome Mats. Fuck Metal Wind Chimes. Fuck Litter. Fuck Gin.

Fuck Horse Racing. Fuck Slot Machines. Fuck Online Gambling.

Fuck Mark Zuckerburg. Fuck Religious Persecution. Fuck Mormons.

Fuck Child Molesting Priests. Fuck Shunning. Fuck Tow Truck Fees.

Fuck Uninsured Drivers. Fuck Weigh Stations. Fuck Rest Stops.

Fuck Contradiction. Fuck Guessing. Fuck Anticlimactic Shit.

Fuck Probiotics. Fuck Anti Oxidants. Fuck Consumer Culture.

Fuck Duck Duck Goose. Fuck Choosing Teams. Fuck Sunday School.

Fuck Smart Cars. Fuck Wildfires. Fuck Sun Burn. Fuck Fake Balls On Trucks.

Fuck No Pain No Gain. Fuck Daylight Savings. Fuck Craft Cocktails.

Fuck People Who Are Nice To Your Face & Then Talk Shit Behind Your Back.

Fuck IPA Beers. Fuck Folly. Fuck Complacency. Fuck Taint Piercing.

Fuck Credit Cards. Fuck AnyDesk. Fuck Supremo. Fuck Team Viewer.

Fuck Team Viewer 13. Fuck Google Chrome. Fuck Curry. Fuck FBI SCAMS.

Fuck Illegal Call Centers. Fuck Scammers. Fuck Nagaland. Fuck Eating Ass.

Fuck Changing A Flat. FuckColonial Rule. Fuck Electric Bill Scams.

Fuck Ransomware. Fuck Grant Scams. Fuck Refund Scams. Fuck Tea.

Fuck FastSupport.Com. Fuck TechLiveConnect.Com. Fuck News Max.

Fuck Paddle Boats. Fuck Kayaks. Fuck Free Diving. Fuck Night Dives.

Fuck Tea Cozy’s. Fuck Dollies. Fuck Paying For Porn. Fuck Point & Click.

Fuck Dog Strollers. Fuck Instant Gratification. Fuck High Society.

Fuck Galas. Fuck Balls (Dance). Fuck Tuxedo Rentals. Fuck Bowling Shoes.

Fuck Sky Mall. Fuck Country Clubs. Fuck Civil War Reenactments.

Fuck Pink Slips. Fuck Blue Slips. Fuck No Fault States. Fuck Online Bullies.

Fuck Online Grooming. Fuck Rosemary. Fuck Pita Bread. Fuck Bland.

Fuck Common Place. Fuck Annexes. Fuck Sarah Collins. Fuck Saudi Arabia.

Fuck Classic Definitions. Fuck Grammar. Fuck Calculations. Fuck Al Gore.

Fuck Micheal Moore. Fuck The Worst Case Scenario. Fuck The Senate.

Fuck Fishing Licenses. Fuck Hunting Licenses. Fuck Gone With The Wind.

Fuck Girls Gone Wild. Fuck Black Friday. Fuck Cyber Monday. Fuck Futons.

Fuck Lawn Gnomes. Fuck Electric Weed Whackers. Fuck Lawn Furniture.

Fuck Electric Hedge Clippers. Fuck The Hair Of The Dog. Fuck Asbestos.

Fuck Whicker Furniture. Fuck All Bark & No Bite. Fuck Lead Paint Chips.

Fuck HBO’s Real Sex. Fuck Cultural Bias. Fuck The New School.

Fuck You CAn’t Teach An Old Dog New Tricks. Fuck Jeanie Pirro.

Fuck Metaphorical Crutches. Fuck The Band Green Jello. Fuck Tom Farr.

Fuck Standing Room Only. Fuck Selling Out. Fuck Compromising Principles.

Fuck The Band The Impotent Sea Snakes. Fuck John Bolton. Fuck Jeff Flake.

Fuck Scalpers. Fuck Limited Time Only. Fuck Rick Santorum. Fuck Sulfur.

Fuck Amway. Fuck Timeshares. Fuck Tupperware Parties. Fuck Gluten.

Fuck The Next Big Thing. Fuck Jerome Corsi. Fuck Mike Pompeo.

Fuck Cosmo Magazine. Fuck Artificially Flavored. Fuck Based On True Story.

Fuck Carbs. Fuck Lee Press On Nails. Fuck Immaturities. Fuck Bark Collars.

Fuck Mary Kay Cosmetics. Fuck Toxic Shock Syndrome. Fuck Pet Birds.

Fuck Tainted Drinking Water. Fuck Pipelines. Fuck Underwater Drilling.

Fuck Soft Paws. Fuck Declawing Ones Cat. Fuck Cheap Kitty Litter.

Fuck Fake Laughter. Fuck Laugh Tracks. Fuck IRS Scams.

Fuck Cindy Hyde-Smith. Fuck Saudi Prince Mohammad Bin Salman Al.

Fuck Mitt Romney. Fuck Rand Paul. Fuck Scott Walker. Fuck Marco Rubio.

Fuck Conservatives. Fuck Conservatism. Fuck Chris Christie.

Fuck Mike Huckabee. Fuck Judge Roy Moore. Fuck Wes Goodman.

Fuck Homework. Fuck The SATS. Fuck A Dull Knife. Fuck Omarosa.

Fuck Pat Meehan. Fuck Jeff Hoover. Fuck Herman Cain. Fuck Mike Duvall.

Fuck Larry Craig. Fuck Spoilers. Fuck Disorganization. Fuck Bob Allen.

Fuck Misrepresentations. Fuck Jack Ryan. Fuck Bob Packwood.

Fuck Buz Lukens. Fuck Roman Polanski. Fuck Dan Crane. Fuck Edison.

Fuck Robert Bauman. Fuck Obituaries. Fuck Charlie Crist. Fuck Dimwits.

Fuck Matt Wingard. Fuck ChatBots. Fuck Fitness Tracker. Fuck Fitbit.

Fuck The Echo Dot. Fuck Fire Sticks. Fuck Apple AirPods. Fuck Vinyl Pants.

And Most Of All……FUCK SANITY.

If You Read The Entire List Congratulations.

That is Some Extremely Hardcore Shit On Your Part.

Thanks for Reading

 By Les Sober

The Views of Vikings

As I mentioned in a Liquor synaptic storm I mentioned  (in the previous post) that today I would be posting something pertaining to the Vikings.

First off Vikingistic is not a recognized word, but English is such a half assed shit language I see there no reason Vikingistic should’t be a viable word.

Vikingistic: Having the Attributes or Likeness to or of a Viking/Viking Culture/Viking Life Style.

Now on with the Post.

I think a brief refresher on exactly Who and What Vikings were in Reality. Over decades of Hollywood Movies and Television Shows have been given one hell of a make over/rebranding.

According to Movies/T.V. Vikings are portrayed as  Stoic, Brave, and Honorable Nomadic Warrior Explorers. This couldn’t be FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

Vikings in Reality were complete Savages who’s bloodlust was unmatched. Vikings spent their time Drinking, Fighting, and Fucking through countless conquests. Vikings were brutal Barbarians that raped and pillaged anyone or anything that crossed their path. True the Vikings were explorers, BUT NOT in the traditional sense.

Vikings unlike say Charles Darwin for example traveled far and wide to Discover new Cultures, Animals, Sea Life or Plants. Vikings did the EXACT OPPOSITE. Vikings traveled for one reason, and one reason only to Rape, Pillage, and Destroy ANYONE they might come across,(and take their land for Viking expansion and EnSlaving Women and Children that is if they decided not to butcher them for the sheer fuck of it.)

Vikings though (more than likely due to their Lifestyle) had a total acceptance of Death, They had no Fear of Dying. This has been immortalized in the saying “Today is a Good Day TO DIE.”

Now Vikings didn’t say that shit to look tough or like a bad ass before battle they said it for an actual reason.

Vikings believed their Nordic God’s had scheduled the exact time, date, and day of their Birth. AND Those same God’s had also scheduled the Time, day, and date of their Death.

Another Key Viking belief was that a TRUE (and only appropriate) death for a Viking Warrior was to Die in Battle. For if a Warrior died in Battle not only did he die an Honorable Death, BUT he would be rewarded as well.

The reward for dying in battle was that the deceased Warrior’s Spirit would be transported to the Halls of Valhalla (The Viking Version of Heaven/Paradise) where a Viking could indulge in all that he loved while living. This meant his Spirit would spend eternity Drinking, Fucking, and Fighting.

Bottomline: Vikings Loved Violence and Hedonism to such an extreme that even in Death a Viking could spend eternity doing EXACTLY as He had Lived..

Believing this apparently led to the total acceptance that death is inevitable thus one shouldn’t be concerned about it. This is the concept that I’ve been mulling over recently.

With My inevitable demise due to my shit heart, the Doctors who want to run me around like a fucking Lab Rat, and Still come to the same conclusion PLUS the fact now they want to continue to their Frankenstein shit cutting me open again I have to ask myself is it worth it?

Obviously Dying isn’t the only option, BUT when I ask is it worth this is what I mean. If I get all this medical mumbo jumbo done yes I will live Longer anyway you look at it. My question pertains to Quality of Life.

Is it worth all the bullshit, time, pain, and most of all MONEY if after I spend my life strapped for cash, living pay check to pay check barely scrapping by because I’m buried under mounting of mounting medical bills.

Point: Do I want to spend my elongated life utterly stressed out and poor as shit due to massive medical bills? Sounds like financial fucking Slavery to me. (“We’ll save your life, FOR A HEFTY PRICE.” that is so fucked up I can’t believe I’m typing it.) This is America and CAPITALISM has turned Life Saving Medicine into a FUCKING BUSINESS full of Greedy motherfuckers.

So were the Vikings Views on Death really the best way to deal with one’s Mortality? Who the fuck Knows, Not Me.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

ITS 11:56 WTF Do They Want of Me?!

Sorry no pictures, this is what the fuck it is and nothing more. I have adapted a Vikingistic (not a real word but damn well fucking should be.) view of things. I digress as you can read all bout that shit tomorrow.

Its not a matter of IF My shitty Heart kills me, thats a fucking Granted its only a matter of When. Fuck I could be dead by the time your read this, or well dead by the time ANYONE sees this.

I’m intoxicated and insane, fuck is this all about, and fuck do they want?! All these fucking people most of whom I have no fucking clue who they are keeping calling. Calling to Collect, Calling to Verify, Calling to Solicit some shit.

They want to continue the game of Fuck Me Frankenstein and Add more shit to compensate for the Bum Fucking Ticker. Its for Insurance purposes They Assure Me. Assure Me of What? My Fucking Death.

They pump me full of Pills, Restrictions, Regulations, The inevitable Rules.

Fuck That. The shit I’ve seen, the Shit I’ve Done, this shit should be NO FUCKING SURPRISE.

They say what doesn’t KILL YOU make You Stronger. My Question why is all this shit trying to kill me? Fucking A. I’m NO SAINT, but fuck Me. If you believe in Karma and I for one Do We can all safely assume I was motherfucking Hitler in my last life. My life is dodging or dealing with infinite SHIT STORMS.

I’m not a Gambling Man, BUT if I have to bet on my fucking Life, yeah I’m fucking going to try and Rig the Deck for all its fucking worth. Don’t Get Me Wrong, BUT I have my conditions like Jesus in the Electric Chair.

I’ll do Anything as well as Its On My Terms.

Fuck. Sorry No Pictures.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober. 

 

The Backyard Beasts Big Break

It was just one of those mundane and utterly uneventful night a few days back that was until 4:07am. And then all fucking Hell broke loose. My Wife had passed out in her favorite Lazy Boy Recliner around midnight or so, and I dozed off around a little before 3 am.

The Backyard Beasts had been more vocal than usual that evening which now that I think about it was some serious foreshadowing. It was the wailing, Whining, loud, and virtual nonstop barking of the Backyard Beasts that woke my very unamused Wife who then yelled about being woke up due to the son of a bitch beasts. This in turn immediately woke me up and I glanced at the clock which read 4:07 am.

My Wife was shuffling like mad around looking for a flashlight and her shoes. My shoes where near by under the coffee table so I snatched them up, put them on, turned off the alarm system, found my keys, unlocked the door, and bounded out to the front porch.

I start scanning the yard squinting like a motherfucker because we don’t have street lights being so far out in the woods. I cursed out loud for not getting a hold of a flashlight myself as I stared into the night. The I saw it. It was big solid black silhouette standing at the edge of the yard between two trees. The only reason I could see that much was thank to the aid of our neighbors rather promenade out door lights. Their lights backlit the street just enough to see the contrast between the black of night and the black of the beasts.

I yelled to my Wife that there was another Beast out here and that was exciting ours evidently though I was completely wrong. This is not uncommon here in the Woods where people let there dogs roam like free range chickens out and about at all hours doing whatever they please.

I then had a odd feeling and then it clicked. This wasn’t a neighbor’s Beast, it was one of ours, the Brother Beast. I ran down into the yard words the Beast shouting his name, and He came right over. I took hold of his collar with an steely grip of a fucking Bear trap.

My Wife had ran directly to the back gate (instead of entering from the house where the Beasts are forbidden to go) and opened it to go see what she could find the fuck out. In opening the back gate she inadvertently let out the 2nd of our pair of Beasts (their a Brother-Sister Team who are the absolutely inseparable. The Girl won’t follow her Brother so she stayed put in the yard and lamented loudly pleading with her Brother to come the fuck back already.)  The Girl then decided to go rejoin her Brother and tore off like a fucking rocket into the dead of night.

My Wife ran passed me to corral the Sister Beast as I passed her with the Brother Beast in tow. I put the Boy Beast back into the confines of the backyard, and went to help my Wife. All of a sudden I hear her proclaim allowed that she has BOTH Beasts now. I holler back that I’m going to get some leashes to tie up the Beasts while I go inspect the backyard to see where the Beast escaped from.

I searched relentlessly checking the fence, the yard, and looked for any clues such as did he go under or over the Fence? Was the back gate to the yard eft unlocked? That kind of shit. Well after inspecting the backyard I was stumped. So I did the only thing I could and that was to take the gamble. The gamble being that if I had my Wife return the Beasts to the backyard that instead of waiting for me to leave and then escaping again, but rather the Boy would be stupid enough to just go for it right in front of me. Luckily it was the latter.

The dumb bastard trotted around to the opposing side of the house, walked over to the far side of the Air Conditioner, crouched down to the ground by the section of the fence that meets the Home Office, and started to crawl under it like some solider at boot camp running a obstacle course. I hurried over, bent down, and grabbed the Beast at the base of his large tail. As I retrieved the Boy Beast from out under the fence I informed my Wife I found his way out.

I then set to work fixing the issue the best I could with what I had available at 4 fucking AM. First I used some small fence stakes to secure the bottom of the fence like doctor Frankenstein stitching up his Monster. I the placed to long and rather weighty spare wooden beams at the base to help block the dig site/zone. My Wife and I went inside to catch our breath. Then the Mournful Howling started up again. I ran out front and again spotted our Boy bouncing around gleefully in the front yard without a care in the world. I managed once again to catch hold of his collar and wrangled him back into the backyard.

I immediately went to inspect the escape site and saw he had maneuvered the beams out of the way and tore up/out damn near every fence stake. So this time we decided it be best to just section off that small 5 foot long and 3 foot wide area until morning (when I could go to Home Depot and load up on cinder blocks to line the bottom of the fence with. Dig under that you big bitch is the motto) We had a massive and heavy piece of Ply Wood left over from the construction of my Art Studio I had held onto. This was perfect for the job of blockade. It was Long enough to block the space,  tall enough neither Beast could jump or climb over or under it, and it was pretty damn heavy.

My Wife and I were on the porch winding down off our adrenaline fueled frustration when we heard deliberate scratching of claws against wood. We both ran out back again and saw that the leaning Ply Wood wasn’t going to cut it by itself as the Boy Beast was creeping through the space behind it. I went and got the previously used beams and wedged them up against the Ply Wood, but we still need more. I found some old, solid wood barn type doors left over from the previous owner and I knew they had some serious weight to them so I leaned both of them up against the ply Wood, andante again my Wife and I retired to the House.

Yet again We heard the Boy Beast testing the viability of the Ply Wood wall and for what seemed like the 5,000th time went to go evaluate the escape situation. We came to the conclusion the Ply Wood needed yet MORE securing so I went and fetched some of the mock rout iron gates that came in sections down at the Home Depot’s gardening center. I used the pieces of gate the pin the Ply Wood to the Air Conditioner, and it held fast.

Finally my Wife and I got a few more hours of sleep before waking for work. My Wife went off to work as per usual, and I fired up my Lap Top. Then after about an hour or two I heard the Girl Beast’s cry of desperation. I ran to a back window and peered out only to see that fucking son of a bitch Boy Beast standing on the dirt road behind our home office happier than a Prize Pig in shit. I went out and pretended I was giving his Sister a treat (I always give the Beasts a treat before heading out anywhere.), and just like a sucker at a used car dealer he bought it.

I then called my Wife in a foul fit of anger (and exasperation) and told her what happened, and that outside of killing them or myself had come to the end of my rope. She instructed me to house the Beasts on the front porch until she got off work. She said right after she got off she’d head over to Home Depot and pick up the cinderblocks.

I followed her lead and stashed the Beasts on the front porch for the day. I couldn’t help it though I had to see how the hell the Boy had pulled off yet another escape. I was truly surprised at what I found. The Ply Wall was perfectly still intact. After further inspection I realized the Boy Beast I climbed up and over the Air Conditioner Unit to circumvent the Ply Wood, and then simple jumped down the other side into the separated section to dig under the fence.

That evening my Wife returned home with the cinderblocks, and I went about building a Fence Bottom Cinderblock Barrier. Before I laid the cinder blocks down I used a couple sections of the mock fence as anchors. I simply slid the legs of the section of mock fence between sections of the chain link thus pinning it to the ground. The Boy Beast did try and escape again to no vail, but not due to a lack of trying. All I had to due to secure that bottom section of the fence was to tweak the cinderblock’s formation. And all is quite on the Western Front as some would be apt to say.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober