Tag: freshman

College Writing Class and The GG Allin Incident

It was the First Day of My Creative Writing Class My Freshman Year of College and the Professor Passed out one of those “Getting to Know You” Work Sheets. I understand the Point, but I have to wonder How Many Teachers/Professors Actually give a shit enough to Read Them. Since this was a Creative Writing Class this particular Questionnaire had all the Stereotypical Questions One might Expect for a Writing Class. All the Questions were Absolutely Cliche like “Why do You Like Writing?”, “Why Did You Choose to take this Class?, and “Who’s Your Favorite Writer?

                  

I was slowly and quite begrudgingly filling out the Questionnaire while thinking to myself what a fucking waste of Time it was, and then I noticed the Last Question. It stood out since it had Nothing to do with Creative Writing whatsoever. The Question was simply “What’s Your Favorite Song?” followed by the Instruction to Add the Musician or Band Who preformed the Song as Well. I couldn’t for the fucking Life of Me figure Out Why this Particular Question was on the Sheet since it seemed really quite Random. All I could come up with in the End was I assumed We were going to Study Lyrics as a Form of Creative writing which it is if You stop and Think about it. You know what They say about Assuming right it makes an Ass out of You and Me and its 100% True as I learned Once Again.

               

I have to Admit that Up until this Point whenever I was Asked to Fill Out one of these First Day Forms I pulled My Punches. Now before Anyone gets all uppity and Points Out that I frequently say that I DO NOT Pull My Punches I did have a Somewhat Valid Reason. Since I have Extreme Interests (be it Movies, Art, or Music for Example)  I was Always Concerned that if I answered Honestly that it would inevitably come back to Haunt Me. What I mean I didn’t want the Teacher to Read My Answers and think to Themselves “This Kid could be Problematic”or “I better Keep an Eye on That One He could be Trouble.”, or “Judging by these answers the Kid must be a Serious Slacker.” or Anything Remotely Negative.  Ironically I didn’t want Them to Assume Shit about Me especially Based on some Stupid First Day of Class Questionnaire.

                  

This Time though I decided that this wasn’t bullshit High School anymore this was fucking College, and for the First Time I’d answer the Questionnaire Honestly without Sugar Coating Shit. At that Point in My Life I was really into GG Allin (and I still am), and My Favorite Song by Him was “Bite It You Scum!” which is an Extremely Defiant Anti- Authority Anthem if there Ever was One. I figured it wouldn’t amount to shit anyway since I believed that at Best the Teacher/Professor skinned them quickly and then put them in some fucking Drawer where They wouldn’t see the Light of Day. Feeling Righteous as Humanly Possible I wrote My Answer, and that was that or so I thought.

               

As it Turned Out this Professor did in Fact Read the Answers written by Her Students, But that’s just the Beginning as I found out. Unbeknownst to the Class She not only Read the Answers She tracked Down Each Song, and before Class Once Everyone was Present and before Class actually Started She’d Play One. Now She would never disclose Who’s Favorite Song it was that was being Played that Day and I certainly Appreciated the Anonymity of it all. I also figured that once She read the Song Titled She’d decide to Skip Me altogether and Who Could Blame Her. GG Allin is Not what You’d call Family Friendly as its filled with Obscenities, Vulgarities, Delt with Sex and Drug Use, Anti-Authority, and a Healthy Dose of Violence. If by some chance of Divine Intervention She had decided to Hunt Down a Copy of the Song as Soon as She Heard it She’d throw My Questionnaire immediately into the fucking Garbage (Again I couldn’t Blame Her for thinking the Song was Highly Inappropriate). I took solace in the Fact that at least I answered Honestly and Bottomline was that’s all that Mattered to Me.

                    

The Class Progressed from there Uneventfully We came to Class, Listen to a Song, Had Class, and Went Home to do whatever Assignment We had been given. We Studied Diligently for Tests, did Our Best on Pop Quizzes, and Labored Endless Hours on Our Mandatory Presentations (The Presentations were 10-12 minutes Long and Chronicled the Life and Work of an Author of Our Choice). Then We hit the Halfway Point and We were faced with the Dreaded Midterms. The Midterms were a Serious Game Changer as the Professor would see How well We were handling the Class. I mean You can Bullshit Your way Through a Test/Quiz You may Not have properly prepared for if You have to, But the Midterms were No fucking Joke. I did My part and Studied My ass Off for the Midterm and it was a Thankless Grind of Author’s Names and Works, Subject of Multiple Books, and Pertinent Dates/Events in the Author’s Lives along with more Personal Biographical Information.

                    

Finally the Day of the Midterm was Here it was Now or fucking Never. I got to Class early since being Late for a Midterm was Frowned Upon and would get You into some Pretty Deep Shit with the Professor. I sat at My Desk and tried like hell to Calm My Racing Mind and Quell My Fears of Failing for what seemed like a fucking Lifetime and Then it Happened. I was in My Pre Midterm Meditation when all of a Sudden to My Great Surprise I heard the Opening Chords of GG Allin’s Song “Bite It You Scum” and Almost Fell on the fucking Floor Out of fucking Shock. I couldn’t believe the Professor had Found the Song, Listened to It, and then Deemed it Alright to Play before Class. I was also Impressed that She had managed to Locate a Earlier Recording before GG’s Voice was Destroyed By Booze, Drugs, and Non Stop Screaming/Yelling (in the Last Years of His Life GG sounded like He had just Gargled Broken Glass before Singing).

                    

I am just as Amazed Today as I was Then by these Series of Events, and have a Great Deal of Admiration and Respect for My Creative Writing Professor. To Her Credit at the End the Song being an Earlier Recording Ended in a Haze of Distorted Guitar while GG Ad-libbed with a Bunch of Profanity Laden Babble. The End line of this Rendition GG Blurts Out “You Fucking Pig! You Fucking Whore!” at which Point the Professor Quipped “Oh My” and Shut the Song Off. Again I couldn’t Blame Her and I was just Impressed She played it Period. As a Result of these Events I will Never Forget My College Freshman Creative Writing Class until the Day I Die.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober   

Unconventional Assignment Sets English Department on its Ass

DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING POST DOES NOT INDORSE, PROMOTE, SUPPORT OR GLORIFY DRUG ADDICTION. IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS BATTLING ADDICTION PLEASE GET HELP.

I was a freshman in collage when I took a writing course that was billed as a creative writing class. It turned out to be a real turd. There was absolutely NOTHING creative about the class I assure you. The Professor was phoning it in as far as I was concerned. There wasn’t creativity because there was no originality. What I mean is this Guy basically ran us through a basic writing textbook full of the most mundane rudimentary writing exercises.

One fateful day the so called Professor assigned what is called “A List Exercise”.  A list Exercise is writing a list describing a process such as ReBuilding a Carburetor, Baking Cup Cakes, Making a Toy Model, Groom a Dog etc. in list form. Its basically a step by step how to list.

I was so utterly disgusted with the assignment I decided to write an unconventional list because that would be interesting (I mean its a fucking list how interesting is that shit?!), and not just a half assed description of some ordinary task I chose just to complete the assignment.

When it comes to writing a classic motto of sorts is “A writer writes what they know” and with that said I decided for my unorthodox List Exercise that I would write about the ritual of the Heroin Addict which I am quite personally familiar with from my Decade of Debauchery (My past feels like several lifetimes).

Needless to say this caught the Professors eye and not in a good way. He told me it was inappropriate and that I was making a mockery of the class. The Professor then went on to report my paper to the Head of the English Department. Before the end of the day the entire English Department was gossiping feverishly about it and adding their two cents worth.

In the end I was given a slap on the wrist and told not to repeat such “Disruptive Behavior” and all would be forgiven.

Ladies & Gentlemen without a further ado for your reading pleasure I give you that very cleaver and controversial Exercise List:

  1. Score the heroin
  2. Find safe and private area/location
  3. Fire up Zippo lighter and place it standing upright
  4. Get spoon out
  5. Place small amount of water in spoon (to help with this part bending the spoon at the base of the neck is recommended)
  6. Combine the water and heroin in spoon
  7. Mix water and heroin thoroughly in spoon
  8. Place spoon over a heat source i.e. flame such as a Lighter, Match or Lit Candle
  9. Wait for the water-heroin concoction to simmer (Bubble)
  10. Once simmering immediately remove spoon from flame
  11. Allow the mixture to cool (requires just an minute or so)
  12. Place piece of cotton or a piece cigarette filter to use as a filter
  13. Draw up heroin into syringe through the filter
  14. Make sure to remove ALL air bubbles by flicking syringe with index finger (If you inject an air bubble it will travel to your heart and you will DIE)
  15. Once the bubbles have burst expel the excess by pushing plunger of syringe until air is out

16.Tie off using a belt, phone cord etc. as a tourniquet

17. Insert syringe into vein at a 45 degree angle

18. Draw back plunger to see if your actually in a vein

19. If a small amount of blood rushes into the syringe your set, if not repeat #17

20. Once you’ve draw the plunger back and blood entered the syringe inject heroin slowly

21. Once the heroin is injected remove tourniquet

22. Remove needle

23. Wipe off excess blood from injection site

24. Apply pressure to stop any further bleeding

25. In 3 to 4 hours the high will wear off (possibly making you severely sick depending on how addicted you are or become)

26. When you come down you will want/need to repeat this entire list again and again and again….Until You either end up DEAD, IN PRISON or GET CLEAN.

Thanks For Reading

 Les Sober