Lee a bit startled by Dizzy’s sudden outburst looked up from the ground where He had been Looking to avoid stepping on shards of Broken Glass or a Used Syringe. Parked directly in front of Dizzy’s Apartment Building was a Vehicle that was so Small it was a wonder anyone referred to it as a Car in the First fucking Place. Standing next to the Smart Car was a Young man who looked to be in his Early to Mid Twenties wearing a Big Bang T-Shirt featuring the Character Sheldon on it, a Pair of Kaki Cargo Shorts, and a Pair of Pristine White Converse All Star Sneakers. Lee imagined The Driver resembled one of the Many Action Figures languishing in Perfect Condition Imprisoned in Their Original Packing/Box back at His Studio Apartment.
“A fucking Smart Car, Why even fucking bother to Show the fuck Up? Smart Cars aren’t a Car, nor a legitimate Vehicle as THEY ARE A GODDAMN JOKE. There Tiny Hippy Mobiles going all Green with No Carbon Footprint or what the fuck ever.” yelled Dizzy Aggressively as He waved His Arms in the Air like a Chicken trying to Fly, and continuously pointing at the Smart Car during His Tirade.
“Smart Cars are Safe as long as You don’t drive like a total dick, and it gets 60 Miles per Charge, and No fluctuating Gas Prices to deal with.” replied the Driver holding His Ground.
“60 Miles? 60 Motherfucking Miles? I PISS 60 MILES for fucks sake, and was it fully fucking charged before You drove the fuck over here in Your glorified Roller Skate?!” Dizzy demanded to know Seething with Equal Parts Contempt and Disgust.
“Well No Infant I charged it overnight, and I’ve had 2 calls before You today not thats its any of Your Business. I’m just telling You because Your being a Temperamentally Judgmental Tool if You must Know.” The Driver said Unwaveringly Without Batting an Eyelash.
“JESUS so its Not even fully charged, seriously WTF is wrong with You are You just hear to fuck with Me until I have a goddamn Stroke or some shit. How are We going to get anywhere without a Full fucking charge You Negligent asshole?!” growled Dizzy at the Driver giving Him the Classic 1,000 Yard Stare.
“The 2 previous calls like Yours were Rides around the City so it’s Not like I just drove cross country or finish a Nascar Race. We’ll be perfectly Fine I assure You.” said The Driver in Honesty.
“You assure Me, You fucking Assure Me?! FUCK YOU! You have No fucking idea if We will make it to Our Destination before We get stranded when Your Hot Wheels here Runs Out of Battery Charge?! You never asked Us where We were going so How the hell do You claim to know We’re going to be OK? Are You a Part Time Psychic, is that it You’re a Ride Driver by Day, and a Psychic by Night You ignorant Jackass.” asked Dizzy in the Low, Calm, and Steady tone of a Sociopath.
“Where is Your Destination Sir?” replied The Driver in a Sarcasticly Mocking Tone of Voice.
“To The Crystal Dinner over on 76th and 9764th which has to be at least 20 plus miles away You Geek Squad Wannabe.” snarled Dizzy who’s Body Language suggested He was struggling to keep from punching the Driver right in the Face.
“How far can We go then on the Current Charge?” interjected Lee who found the scene Delightfully Entertaining, BUT He didn’t want shit to get Violent. Violence Spoils a Good Time Every time that was Lee’s experience.
“Let Me Check for You Sir.” quipped The Driver Snidely giving Dizzy the Eat Shit and Die look plastered across His Face.
Stay Tuned For The Next Absurdist Installment of………
LEE JONITIS:PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (49/365)
Thanks for Reading,
By Les Sober