Tag: going green

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (48/365)

Lee a bit startled by Dizzy’s sudden outburst looked up from the ground where He had been Looking to avoid stepping on shards of Broken Glass or a Used Syringe. Parked directly in front of Dizzy’s Apartment Building was a Vehicle that was so Small it was a wonder anyone referred to it as a Car in the First fucking Place. Standing next to the Smart Car was a Young man who looked to be in his Early to Mid Twenties wearing a Big Bang T-Shirt featuring the Character Sheldon on it, a Pair of Kaki Cargo Shorts, and a Pair of Pristine White Converse All Star Sneakers. Lee imagined The Driver resembled one of the Many Action Figures languishing in Perfect Condition Imprisoned in Their Original Packing/Box back at His Studio Apartment.

“A fucking Smart Car, Why even fucking bother to Show the fuck Up? Smart Cars aren’t a Car, nor a legitimate Vehicle as THEY ARE A GODDAMN JOKE. There Tiny Hippy Mobiles going all Green with No Carbon Footprint or what the fuck ever.” yelled Dizzy Aggressively as He waved His Arms in the Air like a Chicken trying to Fly, and continuously pointing at the Smart Car during His Tirade.

          

“Smart Cars are Safe as long as You don’t drive like a total dick, and it gets 60 Miles per Charge, and No fluctuating Gas Prices to deal with.” replied the Driver holding His Ground.

“60 Miles? 60 Motherfucking Miles? I PISS 60 MILES for fucks sake, and was it fully fucking charged before You drove the fuck over here in Your glorified Roller Skate?!” Dizzy demanded to know Seething with Equal Parts Contempt and Disgust.

“Well No Infant I charged it overnight, and I’ve had 2 calls before You today not thats its any of Your Business. I’m just telling You because Your being a Temperamentally Judgmental Tool if You must Know.” The Driver said Unwaveringly Without Batting an Eyelash.

          

“JESUS so its Not even fully charged, seriously WTF is wrong with You are You just hear to fuck with Me until I have a goddamn Stroke or some shit. How are We going to get anywhere without a Full fucking charge You Negligent asshole?!” growled Dizzy at the Driver giving Him the Classic 1,000 Yard Stare.

“The 2 previous calls like Yours were Rides around the City so it’s Not like I just drove cross country or finish a Nascar Race. We’ll be perfectly Fine I assure You.” said The Driver in Honesty.

“You assure Me, You fucking Assure Me?! FUCK YOU! You have No fucking idea if We will make it to Our Destination before We get stranded when Your Hot Wheels here Runs Out of Battery Charge?! You never asked Us where We were going so How the hell do You claim to know We’re going to be OK? Are You a Part Time Psychic, is that it You’re a Ride Driver by Day, and a Psychic by Night You ignorant Jackass.” asked Dizzy in the Low, Calm, and Steady tone of a Sociopath.

          

“Where is Your Destination Sir?” replied The Driver in a Sarcasticly Mocking Tone of Voice.

“To The Crystal Dinner over on 76th and 9764th which has to be at least 20 plus miles away You Geek Squad Wannabe.” snarled Dizzy who’s Body Language suggested He was struggling to keep from punching the Driver right in the Face.

“How far can We go then on the Current Charge?” interjected Lee who found the scene Delightfully Entertaining, BUT He didn’t want shit to get Violent. Violence Spoils a Good Time Every time that was Lee’s experience.

“Let Me Check for You Sir.” quipped The Driver Snidely giving Dizzy the Eat Shit and Die look plastered across His Face.

Stay Tuned For The Next Absurdist Installment of………

LEE JONITIS:PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (49/365)

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

Treacherous Toyota and Prius Propaganda

10 years ago Toyota introduced the World to The Prius, and simultaneously perpetrated one of the greatest Scams the American Public has ever known. Toyota struck with the Prius right as the GIANT FUCKING MONSTROSITY SUV craze was dwindling due to rising gas prices at the time.

Also people still felt guilt as hell about their part in fucking over the Earth with their glutinous consumerism so the terms “Going Green” and “Carbon Footprint” were just taking hold as they slowly entered the American Lexicon.

So of course Toyota formulated a 3 Prong Attack strategy to get as much as possible from their new vehicular sensation. Toyota wasn’t fucking around either, they were going for the Long Haul.

The first Point in Toyota’s 3 Point Plan was the most obvious which was to capitalize on Prius Hybrid Hype like a son of a bitch. Toyota made sure as shit to Advertise and EXPLOIT THE SHIT OUT the unparalleled gas milage, and the interests of the new surge in Environmentally Conscious Customers.

Bottom Line: Toyota did its best to Flood the fucking market by getting as many Prius’s on the road as humanly possible. Toyota was effectively Force Feeding their Product to the American Customer. The word Hybrid was on the tip of everyones fucking tongue.

But really thats no fucking different than any other Car Manufacturer with Cars to sell. Nothing new there. Toyota luckily had hit the PR jack Pot, BUT as I said Toyota was in it for the Long Haul.

Toyota wanted not only to capitalize on the 1st series Prius’s they wanted to help cement the future sales of subsequent future Prius series.

Now we all know how much a Car Dealership fucking sucks. Their inconvenient as hell, and the Most EXPENSIVE when it comes to repairs. Toyota’s second part of their plan was much more devious than just selling the shit outta cars while pissing gas on the PR fire as it were.

Toyota moving quietly and staying of the Radar started to recruit any and all  graduating Mechanics who had been trained to work on hybrids to their Dealerships. See by poaching all the new hybrid mechanics Toyota set up a system that made the customer HAVE TO USE THE DEALERSHIP REPAIR SHOP because their were virtually NO HYBRID Mechanics working outside of a said Toyota Dealership.

The Bottom Line: Toyota was creating its own monopoly of Hybrid Mechanics.

Now the 3rd and final part of Toyota’s plan for longevity was the most underhanded yet. Now you have to remember that Hybrid Cars were a brand new technology, and like with anything new people were a bit afraid of it. The main thing that the Public seemed fixated on was the Hybrid’s High Voltage Battery.

In the Brain’s association game it hear High Voltage and immediately draws a parallel to the High Voltage wires that run along Telephone Poles and similar shit. We have all seen the bright orange warning signs before that read “DANGER HIGH VOLTAGE WIRES” usually with a Triangle with a lighting bolt zig zagging through it. SO right from the get go the fear factor is in play.

Toyota preyed upon this psychological fear until it reached an Urban Legend Level. The fear is pretty basic. Its the fear that some how or some way (especially if your a Auto Mechanic) will come in contact with the High Voltage Battery and electrocute themselves to an unpleasant death.

Yet like all things the fear evolved getting worse with each subsequent version. It got so out of control that it created paranoia through out the entire Automotive Mechanic Industry.

As if to say if a unfortunate Mechanic came in contact with the High Voltage Battery that he/she would be electrocuted to the point your skin burned. And your eyes explode as your intentions shoot out your ass like a fucking shot gun show down at the High Voltage Hacienda.

Not only that but due to the accident at hand the Mechanics entire extended family would contacts full blown Aids, their House would burn down, their car would blow the hell up,the mechanics friends would all die in horrible ways, and their dog would be picked up by Animal Care and Control and Euthanized.

Like I said this perpetuated fear of the High Voltage Battery not only urged the Public, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY it reenforced the idea Toyota had set out which was “Only a Trained Toyota Dealership Mechanic can Work Safely on a Prius. This discouraged the competition from even entertaining the idea of even trying to learn more or less work on Prius’s.

The GOOD NEWS is Toyota’s Hybrid Mechanic Monopoly and the Age of High Voltage Battery Paranoia is slowly but definite End. Now that a growing variety of Toyota’s competitors have Hybrids of their own Toyota is no longer Unique.

Also the issue with the poaching of Hybrid Mechanic Grads is phasing it self as well. As more and more future and graduating Mechanics get into the Hybrid repair field Toyota can’t hire them all. Not enough money and, not enough Toyota Dealerships to continue an on going attempt to preserve the dying monopoly.

Well some cliches are cliches for a reason (their true) and Toyota learned that with the clique “All Good Things Must Come To An End.”

  Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober