gothic – Page 2 – f-your blog

Obligations, Broken Down Caravans, Piecemeal Puppetry Part 1

One day, a lady sat down by her dank and musty window. Her eyes barely remembered the landscape that stood before her. Yet yesterday she knew all the intricate shades of the kaleidoscope that stood before her. This moment of temporary insanity she tried to hold onto, but it was not something that wanted to be held. It was something she needed to let go and give back to the universe, whatever darkened and imperfect part of the universe it had come from.

Still the lady had to live today as today, not as yesterday or not as one of the forever distant tomorrows trapped within the recesses of her mind. Most of those tomorrows would never come, yet in this darkness that surrounded her, she would have been ill-fated to predict which apples were oranges, which princesses would turn into pumpkins.

On the ground nearby, she found a small piece of paper. She didn’t know how to make odds or ends of it. She sat there and stared at it. There was something about it which made her smile but since she had forgotten so much of her life, her existence, her being, she only just stuck it away in an important place.

Yet she did not have much faith in the importance of this place, so she called upon one of the other shadows that had recently crept its way forth. How was this shadow even deemed as friendly you ask? It was just a feeling, it was just something she could not explain at this given moment. Her belief in anything and everything around her had stopped but she remembered that as recently as a few days ago or a few weeks ago, there was infinite possibility.

She knew this could flower and flourish again so soon in the distance but she needed his shadow to take her into the light today. She sat down in her motorized scooter and asked for his help. They hovered off into the distance. It was as if he had crowned her with hope, dipped her in holy water, or gave her her first kiss. But she did not remember any of those things, so it was all of those things melded into one and tied with a tight double knot of innocence.

By SpaceDog

Frozen

I’m frozen here at the crossroads
Where not a moment of time doth pass
Sitting here with a vacancy sign
Yet it’s been so long
The motel doesn’t remember when it felt its final blast

Bouncing off clouds as expansive as the mind can dream
Listening to the dawn creep forth
Between the cries of the banshees
And your several last hypocrisies

Molded to the roadway
Your spirits charge around
I can feel the victory
Yet am not sure the victory will be found

Bewildered as to why this capsule
Ever travelled so darn far
Hampered by the lack of brilliance
Why has the darkened sky taken me to the brightest fading star?

Lucid and rebellious
Cunning and mystique
Nothing is remembered
As I hibernate back to my sheath

Terror has forgotten
Malaise has taken its own path
Leaping bugs recalling
When the ground wore down their backs

This dawn has come upon us
We lost it along the way
And as he forever marches
Comes the beauty of my day

By SpaceDog

Drama Queens Need to Get Themselves Killed

Yup you guessed it this Post pertains to Drama Queens who fall in the category of “People We Love To Hate”.

If you don’t believe me just watch 5 fucking minutes of ANY “Reality” TV Show, and since We are on the subject if you watch “Reality” TV or one of the Contest Shows do Me a favor. STOP READING THIS, GO THE HELL AWAY, AND DON’T COME BACK. I have no time for such Bullshit.

Recently I was informed about a particular Drama Queen who’s shitty shenanigans were reeking a good bit of havoc as it were. Now this isn’t just an EXCEPTIONAL Drama Queen, this Drama Queen could be one for the Books. Here’s what happened in a Nutshell.

My Brother T joined a Pinball Team that is part of a Pinball or as he refers to it as “A Drinking Team that happens to play Pinball.”, but since he joined he’s had a lot of fun, met cool characters, made some friends, and generally has a great fucking time.

The Team meets and was competing on a recent Tuesday evening and my Brother’s Wife L came over to the Bar (They always meet and Play in a Bar with varying venues) where My Brother was already warming up for the nights competition.

Outside in a small group of smokers was a tattooed sudo hipster woman who introduced her self to L as Shittney (remember kids I don’t use real names of People or Places)

Now Shinttney is one of those extremely extroverted personality types that get right up in your personal space, and will tell you anything including seriously personal shit. Shit such as Their Great Grandfather was arrested for molesting a circus Elephant or Their sibling is in jail for blowing up a bus full of fucking Nuns.

So it did’t take Shittney long to inform L that the Owner of the Bar where their playing (and captain of that night’s opposing team) used to date, but not only that she also said she wanted to and I quote “Crush Him”. The first red fucking flag here was the fact that while Shittney and the Bar owner J did date for a while they broke up FOUR FUCKING YEARS AGO, FATAL ATTRACTION MUCH THERE OR WHAT?!!

Granted Break Ups by definition suck and suck bad, but if your not over someone 4 years after splitting up, GET PROFESSIONAL PSYCHIATRIC HELP YOU HAVE SERIOUS PERSONAL ISSUES is all I’m saying.

Red Flag number 2 considering the time-lapse between J and Shittney’s dating period she is far more than likely to be one of those bullshit Voyeuristic Cyber Stalkers.

Their the one’s that slink around in the shadows cast by the Internet’s bastard spawn Social media lurking in silence. Periodically they surf around observing people from either their past like ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, High School Classmates or Co-workers from the past and the present for example just to “See whats new with them.”

Anyway back to the Story Shittney gets her wish as her Team Beats J’s Team for that Night’s Win. AND HERE IS WHERE IT GETS DRAMA QUEEN CRAZY.

The next day following the Competition (and in spite of the fact THEY WON) hopped on Social Media using some Face Book Bullshit as her platform, and then railed against my Brother’s Team

She didn’t just go after her ex boyfriend and Team Captain she singled out even single member of the Team in this bullshit tirade. The main accusation (which of course Shittney is portraying as a hard cold Fact) is that the entire Team are cheaters.

Yup their scumbag cheaters who try and cheat every chance they get, they don’t obey the rules, and rig game play (I’m still unsure of what that criteria is or means but I’m doing my best here so if you don’t like it well shit on you.) and as par of the shitty social media madhouse several Pinball Trolls jumped on the band wagon in agreement.

Now I ask you Ladies and Gentlemen,

WHO THE FUCK COMPLAINS,BITCHES, AND INSULTS THE OTHER TEAM WHEN THEY’RE THE FUCKING WINNERS?!!!

“YOU CHEATED!” Accusations stem predominately from Poor fucking Losers as an excuse for why they suck as bad as they do. Trust me they suck big and they suck hard (that didn’t come out quite like I meant it, but I’m leaving it as is.)

In the End J stepped down as Team Captain, My Brother’s Team lost 2 great guys as well as terrific players, J finally made a statement addressing the accusations a bit late in the game, and finally J and Shittney sat down and recorded a Podcast that addressed any and all current ongoing issues between the two teams.

To lighten the mood a bit I’m going to list the main types of the assorted Drama Queens we find ourselves surrounded by and having to deal with. WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE SO DON’T BULLSHIT. Either a friend, Family Member, Co-Worker/Boss, Friend of a Friends, Wife/Husband, Someone’s kid(s), someone you dated, or some sort of run in with a Drama Queen

The Terminator’s: They earn their name from the Arnold Schwarzenegger because like Arnold said so eloquently “I’ll Be Back” These are the Drama Queens that Stalkers are made of. They can’t let go, in fact their lives become dominated with the daydream that perhaps one day you two will be reunited in Love. These People are fucking DELUSIONAL.
The Shakespeare: These are women driven solely by Revenge. They are the “Wrath of Women Scorned” demographic. Everything shitty in the past relationship and since is YOUR FAULT and thus YOU SHALL PAY. These are the Dangerous fuckers due to the penchant for violence.

3. The Victim: These people have taken Victimization and transformed it into a fucking art form. Their lives would be wonderful if everyone they know or encounter wasn’t out to spite them, cheat them, abuse them, lie to them, fuck them over etc. These are the ones that claim they can’t obtain Heaven being dragged down by so many other People’s Hells.

4. The Isolationist: These are the simplest forms or types of Drama Queens. The shun the usual shit show spectacle opting to Lock Themselves in a room classically a Bed or Bathroom is the preference of such people. They are the slow grind as dealing with them is like a fucking Police Hostage Negotiation where the Victim and the Perp are the same fucking person

5. The Banshee: The Loudest and likely most theatrical of all Drama Queens. These people will EXPLODE in a TSUNAMI of Hysterical Crying, Wailing, Whining, and other types of non verbal guttural vocalizations. These People keep fucking Kleenex in business.

6. The Shunners: These people take a classic play out of the Amish Playbook. They believe silence makes Guilty People Uneasy so by utterly ignoring you they hope you’ll see where you fucked up and come running to apologize. I for one don’t give a damn if someone wants to act like I’m fucking dead so these people are of no concern to me.

7. The Dark One: These are the Gothic type of Drama Queen. These people will lay around in bed listening to the fucking Cure or some Emo bullshit while refusing to eat. They are the Doom and Gloom People whose worlds are dark and forbidding, a place where love goes to die and shitty poetry written.

8. The Martyr: These people honestly believe that they are the center of the fucking Universe, and without them everyone they knows life would fall the fuck apart, and everyone would meet a horrible fate. These are the classic “Get off the Cross someone needs the Wood” people.

Well Thats all I Have For Now.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober

Letters From The Fallen

Dearest Deidre,

I’m not sure where we are going. It was really great to finally see you after all the years had gone by. We have been through a lot together. Yet still you continue to disappoint me. We once had such high hopes, for ourselves, for each other, for the world

Yet these all crumbled over time. Things began so great, but aren’t things always great before they inevitably would fall apart. We lived in a land of perfection, but the perfection we experienced was just the eye of the storm. The storm whirls around us constantly.

I never knew there was a storm for such a very long time. Things were different back then. I was different. We were different. But I look back. And I realize. Things were almost the same. Exactly. To the tee. We may be longer in the tooth, we may be wider in the hips (wait I’m not a chick), we may be colder inside.

Still it remains. That piece of hope that never dies. We see it in ourselves, some days it shines bright, other days we hold it all in wondering if it still exists. Yet it does in me. I hope it does in you but a lot of times I’m not really all that sure.

Someone told me some things about you. I didn’t believe. I was naive. Funny how we can be so jaded, yet so naive. You promised me false hope. You left me with nothing. Little did you know I like nothing. I am invisible, the transparency is abundant. The veil has been cast.

I will wrap this up now. You need to follow your heart. You need to put it back together. My heart has been healed, along with my mind and my soul. Take the time and say hi to Neil for me.

xoxoxoxo
kyren

SO, this letter is not to anyone in particular. It could be read into and picked apart and well you may think you are Deidre. Most likely you still are not. You see the world is Deidre. Life is her.

We start off so carefree and innocent. We have so many hopes. For life. For love. For how we want things to be. But then the ideals in our minds of how the world should be are broken down by people who want to impose a new worldview upon us. We can personally choose to talk to them. Have a debate. Yell at one another over coffee and crumpets.

still even if we choose not to yell or starbuck fuck these people, these people still permeate the atmosphere with their negativity. I feel it everyday. I see it all the time. People that are just completely miserable and don’t do a thing about it. It poisons us.

people that are not free. they also are a cancer. I dont mean people imprisoned. People who build their own prison and never leave. I am never going back behind my own walls of doom. Nor should anyone.

We, as a nation, need to give ourselves more freedoms. Less control over us. We need to be accepting of all people and not have the government run our lives. We need to get national health care, take those stupid fucking drug ads off the tv, prescription ones that is. We need to show fucked up shit like the commercial in the UK with the girl sending text messages and dying in the car.

Other then that the government needs to back off. Stop printing money. If you are going to print ridiculous amounts of money, please give me some. Or let me rob a bank. Who would miss it?? God knows where the bailout money went. Lining someone’s pockets.

I am disappointed by people every day. It’s crazy. Still the same people that provide the disappointment can bring me hope, joy, and serenity. For that I say nothing. I simply smile.

By SpaceDog

Day-2 The Void

I did something today
Worst thing I have done in weeks.
I did nothing.

I was frozen to myself and not answer the phone.
I wanted to send text messages yet the fingers were not there to guide me home.

I wanted to go to the gym but my cigarettes were 10 feet away.

I wanted some guidance; I got disarray.

I wanted to flirt but I was chickenshit.

I wanted to kick over the sign outside the store but then I was feeling overly mature,

So I settled for fish and chips and a double helping of prunes.

I wanted to light a candle but I was too scared to see my reflection in the flame.

I lifted myself upright to only let myself fall back down….
To this void that pierces my skin.

Then the catacombs of my eyes
Matched the patterns on my shirt
It was time to land my hovercraft
Time to latch back onto Earth

I wanted to tell you with a whisper, with a grin
I looked to see your smiling face
There was nothing
Just a deed for your next of kin

I saw a rainbow draped across your barren soft skin
Viewed a million ships sailing
Over the edge of the flattened world
This treachery
This malaise
Beckons us into the sin

Naked I wanted the day
Stripped away
Naked it was
Droopy eyeballs smacking down the turf

I wanted some candy
I settled for slop

I wanted an epiphany
I settled for sloth

I wanted to be myself
But myself was stuck deep within

I travel the void
There is only me
Just think of me baby
Tomorrow I just might be

By SpaceDog

The Angel of Death 10 to 1

Death can not enter It can only wait looking on.

Death comes quickly for those who ask for It.

Death takes both the Sinner and Saint alike.

Death does not judge those Who Die.

Death is Eternally Indifferent to Humanity.

Death cares Nothing about Living.

Thats Not Death’s job.

Its Reaping Souls.

Filling Graves.

Forever.

Thanks for Reading.

Les Sober.

Look How Brooding (I Was)

I decided on the old spring cleaning today. More like my portable DVD player is gathering dust and I need to find its extension cord. So even though the ideas of what I want to write are running through my head at a blistering pace, like sperm pelting the floor at a bathhouse, I’ve taken the lazy way out and decided to throw up a few brooding poems from about five years ago. I think I wrote them in rehab, hence the plastic bed references casually strewn in there.

Disowned

Why do I work to escape this very moment
When all I should do is tuck it away
How come my darkest world shines so bright
When it only brings me the fear of my plight

The hate in my soul drips forth with blood
While the bluebirds may chirp
I sit here in your mud
It’s like one thousand flavors rattle my cage
Dairy Queen and Lucifer, One and the same

My chest collapses slowly
While I wriggle in pain
Two candy canes half eaten
Melting in the rain

..I feel for my pulse but it’s not to be found
I’ve been riding in your carriage too long
But my soul is nowhere around

You still plague my soul
Even from far, far away
The wax from your candle
It melts my nightmares
Covers up all this dismay

And I used to run, I used to fly
There once was a time I never cried
Your heart it stayed open
Your veins never closed
The moths gracing your light bulbs
They practically glowed

And one day I’ll wake up
Maybe I’ll even truely care
But for this moment in time
This moment I own
Alone in my thoughts
Even though my brain isn’t home

I plot and I ponder.
I sit and I stare.
The tadpole didn’t come home for supper
But I still feel him there

And I know this isn’t reality
Yet it’s certainly not a dream
Just a slice of delusion
In a cherry pie choking on whipped cream.

(And then there is this one below. I never titled it. I hate titles. They should die.)

-UNTITLED-

All my Johnnys have gone away
While I sat staring out the window
Trying to breathe in the world
When all I saw was the lamp post
And your reflection in a puddle

Then I sailed across the ocean
Looking for you
Looking for him
I wondered where your trail of bread crumbs led
But they only formed some lost circle
Empty of my heart
Crashing up my car

I ate a sundae with marshmellows
It tasted like you
Or wait maybe like him
And I put on some Jimmies
But they were too sweet
You tasted so bitter
Yet it was my dream
I swallowed my dreams

The boat then crashed ashore
My holy father whipped me
I just wanted your chains
To cramp my style
You squeezed my soul so fine

But I’ve lost your scent
The moon doesn’t rise
And your face isn’t on my quarter anymore
Just another dead president

And one day I do know
That something will rise out of the sky
I’d just take the sun
But you are my God
I don’t know if I should try

Yet maybe it’s my destiny
Just smelling you out
I’m not sure though
Because it may not be you
Might have been him
Singing through the birds
Nestling in my head

The queen of hearts left my deck long ago
Suffering without anything to hold onto
My kingdom has lost its peaceful rest

BY SpaceDog

Puddles, Insomnia, Ghosts

(All my blogs from now will have a song attached that tries to go with the blog ranging from quite well to quite well but only after 10 mixed drinks. link is below my ramblings.)

I had great big plans for today. A wonderful schedule written on the whiteboard. A premade breakfast in its properly place. And then you showed up. It happened when I least expected it. It always does.

Your face showed up on my ceiling. In between the tears that tasted so salty on my lips, I caught your glimpse. I briefly smelled your scent, heard you tapping at my window. Then it was all gone, just as soon as it began.

My puddle diver. I cannot believe it has been over five years since you went away. It seems like it were just yesterday. That I could see your smiling face. Hear your carefree.

Sure, I have to dig a little deeper ago then five years, because five years ago you had lost your shine. Well not the shine, I could never see you not bathed in some kind of wonderful light. Time had taken away your smile. Time had dulled a certain part of what made you so wonderful to me. It was subtle at times but probably was much deeper. All I could see at times was my ignorance in a reflection.

I know you are still here even as I write these lines. I’m for some reason listening to Ani DiFranco. She was always more your lesbian side. Mine was this ridiculous interest in sports, but not like playing them because I didn’t want to mess up my great skin.

We were once young and well in comparison to you I guess I am the younger one now. Any age is a much more desired one then the agelessness being a corpse provides. Ageless beauty is some myth an undertaker decided to vomit onto the general population one too many moons ago.

I still remember painting with you. I had camped out at your house for an entire week, not some stormy weekend that eventually became our trademark (and demise.) You painted me a shirt. It was the silliest thing ever yet I cherished it so much. I even wore it in public a few times. I was so proud to wear your colors.

Then I threw all the colors out the window. We all did. It was my own personal prequel to 13 Reasons Why. I was such a horrible person that I’m sure I would have made the list more then once. So afraid to help because I was still so afraid of how I felt about you. I was always completely petrified. Even though you are gone, I’m still lost because of you.

Yet here I am now. I’ve been waiting 5 years to write this. As if I am somehow immortal. Some alien form that is going to outlast the cockroaches. Sadly, this shan’t be the case. I simply want redemption. While I cannot have this with you, it is something I deeply need for myself.

I cannot sit my the window any longer watching life pass me by. Instead, I will run. Flat on my face. I will fall. A lot. It is no longer my time to just stare out at the rain. Because I am the storm. And you forever are my Puddle Diver.

November’s Embrace

I am so blah. I don’t really know how to describe it. I suppose me feeling this way when November rolls around is turning into sort of a trend.

But no this time is different because I am trying to escape the disfunction. And that is all I find. My energy levels are so freaking sapped. It is like everything I put into a thought remains just as that, just as a thought. Suspended in time. Not fullfilled, but so far from being broken. Just captured.

So I sit here trying to recapture some of the energy. It comes in a song, it comes in a whisper from others but is not internal. I lost it in the wind, have lost it in the wind.

Maybe all I need is some good drugs. I sleep only seldom and am in this fog all the time. Not the place where I want to be. I would rather live in pandemonium then this constant fog. I cannot feel in the fog. It is a dangerous place to be.

Once long ago I was entirely too concerned about others giving up on me. Now this curse lingering within me is making me want to give up on myself. At least I keep them busy in the ER between Halloween and Thanksgiving.

By SpaceDog

I Never Titled It. I Hate Titles. They Should Die. By SpaceDog