Tag: grocery store

HOSPITALS ARE A BULLSHIT SCAM.

Today We will be Discussing Hospitals and all that it Entails. First Off We all know what the fuck a Hospital is it’s a Big fucking Building with Operating Rooms, an ER, Diagnostic Equipment out the Ass, and is Full of Doctors as well as Sick and Injured Patients. If You’ve ever had the Displeasure of having to be In or Deal with a Hospital You might remember that Hospitals are Grand Masters any Kissing Their own fucking asses. All We’re saying is Hospital Propaganda make the Nazi bullshit from WWII look like fucking Amateurs. What We are referring to are the TV Ads, Billboards, Print Ads, and the ENDLESS Posters that Line the Walls of the First Floor Your subjected to while there. What pisses Us Off the Most are the goddamn fucking Posters with Smiling Staff, Cheerful Patients, and bullshit Slogans/Claims “We care About Our Patients” or “We Love to Support Our Community” or even “Providing the Best Car in *Fill in the Blank*”. This is Of Course UTTER AND TOTAL FUCKING BULLSHIT.

Hospitals DO NOT give a actual fuck about People They care about Only One fucking thing and it ain’t Healthcare it’s motherfucking MONEY. Hospitals put Profit Over People and if You fucking think that’s Not True try getting Medical Attention after Telling the Hospital that You Don’t have Insurance aka Payment. This seriously fucking pisses Us Off since Doctors take the Hippocratic which is all about Healing the Injured and Curing the Sick We mean real Biblical type shit here. What the fuck it doesn’t say is a goddamn thing about “Only if You get Paid” or “Treat Those Who have Insurance Only.” BUT THAT IS THE FUCKING REALITY nowadays. What People fucking Forget is Hospitals are FOR FUCKING PROFIT COMPANIES just like Amazon or fucking Walmart. To Hospitals All that matters is MAKING MONEY amassing an Obscene Fortune in the at the Expense of the Actual Patient They claim to Love and Provide for.

Speaking of Doctors if You want to Piss Off ANY Doctor is to ask them Why Doctor’s REFUSE to Admit the fucking Obvious Truth, and that is ONE (perhaps the main one) of the Reasons They chose to be Doctors was They Knew it make Them fucking Rich. And wanting a High Paying Job is Totally fine, BUT Bullshitting, Avoiding, and Ignoring the Question/Subject THAT’S the Issue We have. Also Doctor’s WILL readily admit that the Healthcare System, Health Insurance, and Hospital Care is a BROKEN and SEVERLY FLAWED System that Financially Rapes People until They are Broke or Crippled by Medical Bills Then They fucking Abandon Them. Doctor’s are at the fucking Center of the American Pay to Play or in this Case Pay to Live. Doctors and Hospitals KNOW People Don’t want to be sick, in pain, or Die and They fucking Exploit the Situation to Grotesque Degree to get EVERY last flicking Cent from Their Patients. Case and Point Even Lawyers who lets face it are fucking Despised (Until People Need One) for Being Greedy Bastards do Pro Bono Work. Meanwhile Virtually NO Doctors do Pro Bono Work unless They’re Doctors Without Boarders and They Don’t Help Anyone in America They deal with 3rd World Countries.

And How can We be So fucking Sure? Well Allow US to Explain form Personal Experience. Les landed Himself in the Emergency Room in the First Week of January 2018 Literally Knocking on Death’s Door which sent the ER Staff Scrambling like a Motherfucker. Les had to be Admitted to the Hospital for Further Treatment which Included Surgery where He Spent Almost a Week. Now here’s the fucked Up Part Les’s Wife had been Paying for Insurance through Her Employer which is what it is. The fucking Problem was some Incompetent Asshole made a Mistake. Then this Ignorant Asshole instead of FIXING IT and Properly Filing it stuck it in a fucking Desk Drawer and fucking Forgot About it.

Now literally a Day or So before Landing in the Hospital His Wife became Aware of the Mistake and Immediately Addressed it with Her Employer. Since She had Payed into the Insurance Ultimately things would be Corrected and the Insurance would be Retroactive at that Point. This was Explained in fucking Full to EVERY MOTHERFUCKER Les and His Wife Dealt with Explaining the fuck Up, and that They did have Insurance it was just a dumbfuck Clerical Error and was in the Process of being Worked Out. Now on Day 3 of Les’s Hospital Stay 2 Stern and rather Grim looking Women from the fucking Hospital’s Billing Department Showed Up in His fucking Room. They talked to Les’s Wife (Though Les was the Actual Patient and Laying in Bed 4 fucking feet away) and Informed Her that We Owed Them $157,000 Plus So Far.

                             

Les’s Wife AGAIN for the BILLIONTH Time Explained the Situation and that They DID have Insurance and what had Happened. As for the 2 Cold Cunts from Billing was Concerned Didn’t Bat a fucking Eyelash. Instead They wanted to Know if Les and His Wife could put Down a fucking Deposit for $15,000. Also to make things MORE FUCKED the Piece of Shit Parasites from Billing instantly They showed up on FRIDAY AT 4:30. The Point is that left 30 minutes Before the Banks and all that Bullshit Closed and Wouldn’t be back Until Monday. To make a Long Story Short Les has a Really Bad Temper and Absolutely Despises the ENTIRE Medical Field so Simply at that Point Les Completely Lost His Shit. Les Cursed and Berated  the Billing Department Dipshits Mercilessly Pointing Out He was Still a Patient and what fuckwit would ask for Payment before All Services were Rendered. He also called them Out on Their Ridiculously Retarded Time Frame, and then Posed the Question could THEY come the fuck up with $15,000 in 30 Minutes. After being Verbally Assaulted The Pair of Parasitic Pissants finally fucked Off.

Next Let’s Chat about the fucking Insanity of a Hospital Bill. First Off one Reason Hospital Bills are fucking Outrageous starts with the Fact Patients are Charged Between $1,000 to $1,200 a Day JUST FOR THE FUCKING ROOM. That Fee DOESN’T include a fucking thing, No Doctors, Nurses, Diagnostics, Procedures, Surgeries, or Medication it’s Only for Occupying a Room. That would make Hospitals the Most Expensive and Shittiest Hotel Anyone will Ever Stay in. Second Hospitals have what They call a “Master List” which in Reality is a MASSIVE Price List. It has EVERY fucking thing that the Hospital Charges for and How much from Cotton Swabs to fucking Brain Surgery.

                            

The fucked Up thing is Hospitals are fucking NOTORIOUS for doing EVERYTHING in Their Power to make Sure NO ONE SEES THEM. If You ask US that’s just fucking Shady as Shit since Hospitals DO NOT send Itemized Bills so Patients Don’t Actually Know What They are Paying For or even How fucking Much the Things They are Paying for Cost. So Once Your out of the Fucking Hospital You just sit and Wait for the fucking Bill(s) to Start Rolling in. Then when the Hospital Bill comes You have NO fucking Clue if its $20 or $2000 or $20,000 until You actual Open the fucking Thing.

Now for Example Would You go into a Grocery Store and Have The Cashier Ring You Up only to had You c Receipt that Only Says GROCERIES $375? Fuck No You Wouldn’t. Nor would You drop Off Your Car at the fucking Mechanics only to Return to a Bill that Simply States AUTO REPAIR $750? Again fuck No You Wouldn’t. The Issue is that Hospitals damn well know if Patients/Public found Out how Bad Hospitals were Financially fucking Them Over There’d be Hell to Pay. People would Storm Hospitals and fucking full on Riot as the Mob Mentality takes Hold. Yet Another Reason that Corrupt Hospital Cunts don’t want the Public to Know what They Charge Outside of Public Rage Fueled Backlash is Patients could Shop Around instead on being TOTALLY DEPENDENT on Their Local Hospital. Itemized Bills are used to Help Prevent fucking Fraud its so You know what You’re being Charged For and How Much, BUT Hospitals will Never give You a Itemized Bill. Somewhat Good News is if You request/ask for an Itemized Bill They BY FUCKING LAW have to Provide You with One.

The Problem is good fucking Luck EVER receiving Your Itemized Bill NO MATTER How many fucking Times You request it. Les is Still Attempting to get an Itemized Bill for His Hospital Stay 4 fucking Years Later and still Not a fucking Thing. It’s the fucking bullshit Blame Game where Hospitals DON’T send You an Itemized Bill as Requested and when or If You call Back They claim They sent it and it must have “Gotten Lost in the Mail” which Provides Them with a Perfect Scape Goat. Now it gets even More fucked Up as the fucking GOVERNMENT had to Step in to Try and Sort Out this Shit Storm, and They Informed Hospitals that They HAD NO CHOICE and to make Their Price List Public. And Yup You Guessed it the Hospitals did NO such thing instead They selected Random Small shit or Elective Procedures (Example: Nose Job) in a Half Assed Effort to Conform with the Government and Still Not disclose Jack Shit about Their Prices/Charges.

Down the fucking Line the Government Circled back and found that Hospitals were Non Compliant and had Essential Ignored Them. So the Government ramped Up and Stated that Hospitals HAD TO DIVULGE EVERY FUCKING COST OR ELSE. As to the Time We Post this We aren’t aware of ANY fucking Hospital in the Entire Country that has Actually Complied, and the Scumfucks in Washington haven’t Done shit or Tried Once again to Force the Issue. So Once again the People/Patients Continue to get Financially Fucked Over again and again.

One Final Note before We fuck Off Once Again into the Abyss as it were. All Hospitals are Graded like Restaurants by the Joint Commission of Hospitals  based on Their Performance, and on an Alphabetical Scale ranging from A being the Best to F being well You Know. Anyway when We Relocated Our Home Office We Spent the First Couple Weeks getting to Know People in the Community and Shit. Now when You’re the New Kid on the Block People give You Advice and Local Tips and in this Case People Informed Us of the Closest Hospital (of 3 in the Area) that We will call Fuckardia Hospital to Avoid Any Possible Relation from Said Hospital. We were told Over and Over that and We Quote “Don’t go to Fucktardia Hospital Unless You want to Die.”, and a Few Months Later We learned Fucktardia is Referred to by Locals in the Know as “The Murder Hospital’. The fact of the Matter is Seriously Sick or Injured Patients wouldn’t Call the Ambulance since They HAVE to take You to the Closest Hospital. What They would do is DRIVE across County Lines before Dialing 911 so the Ambulance would then have to take Them to one of the other Two Hospitals in the Area. This was SO common place that a Guy started a Side Hustle where He drives You across County Lines, Calls 911 on Your Behalf, and Waits with You until the Ambulance Arrives.

Now One could Argue that Public Opinion No Matter Good or Bad is indeed Not Fact thus How could We be sure that Fucktardia was a Shitty Hospital? Les’s Wife is a Psych Nurse (RN) with over 12 Years of Experience in the Medical Field who was the One that Informed Us of the Hospital Rating System. It was Also Les’S Wife Who informed Us that Fucktardia Hospital had at the Time just Received an F. Unlike in the World of Restaurants where an F gets You shut the fuck Down and Out of fucking Business Hospitals are allowed to Continue to Operate (no Pun intended) even with a FUCKING F RATING. So Restaurants that get an F get at Least Temporarily Shut Down until Shit gets Fixed or Their fucked and put out of Business for Good. This is because the Health Department Doesn’t even want the Possibility of Someone getting Sick, BUT A FUCKING HOSPITAL who’s ONLY fucking Job is Helping to Sickest and Most Severely Injured People can Keep on Keeping On. Don’t take Our word for it GOOGLE IT and find out For Yourself We ain’t Lying or Exaggerating.

Moral of the Story Hospitals even the Best of the Best are in it to make Money Preying on the Sick/Injured and Vulnerable Patients. It’s fucking Vile and Those Involved Should BE Fired, Incarcerated, and FUCKING EXECUTED for Crimes against Humanity as far as We are fucking Concerned.

It is What it Is,

   By Les Sober  

Stress Kills (0.01)

Smeldy pulled into the Last Parking Space in the entire Parking Lot Not by choice mind you, but because there simply wasn’t anywhere else He could have possibly Park. To say Smelly detested Shopping would be the understatement of the Millennium as Smedly HATED IT. He Hated it with every fucking fiber of His being. It was the actual act of Shopping that enraged Him so it was all the Other Shoppers that were the source of Smedly’s Anti-Shopping Hate.

This was a ongoing Theme in Smedly’s Life. Smedly for all intents and purposes Despised People and the Humanity in General. This was why Smedley didn’t Drive unless He had to He loved Driving itself, But again it was all the Other Drivers that sucked the fun out for Him. Also and for the same Reason Smedly avoided Sports Bars which tended to be Crowded, Loud, and Full of Personality Types He found despicable (The Sports Fanatic the one’s who refer to their favorite Team as “Our Team” or the Overly Macho Frat Boy Types that use Sports as a Reason to Binge Drink. Lastly Smedly hated Eat in Public as He had a serious and extreme aversion to People looking or Staring at Him especially when He was Eating.

   

The Trend of 24 Hour Big Box Stores such as Walmart for example were a Godsend for Smedly as it alleviated the Other Shoppers Issue. He could walk right in and move freely around the Store collecting His purchases in relative Peace. The Only other living Souls in the Entire Place where a COuple of Cashiers, and the Overnight Stocking Crew. Smedly found this pleasing as He could conduct His entire shopping trip without seeing a single other Human Being it was almost like He was the Last Man On Earth (the idea of which suited Smedly just fine).

Unfortunately Today Smedly was in Dire need of Assorted Odds and Ends, and it just so happened to be the Weekend which meant everyone and Their fucking Mothers were Off work and Running Errands all damn Day Long. Smedly sighed as He walked briskly towards the Glutton’s Grocery Store in anticipation of the Fresh Hell lying in wait for Him inside. Smedly was a Typical Commando Shopper. This in part was what made the act of Shopping during Normal Business Hours so Miserable for Smedly. A Commando Shopper has a short and concise list of a Handful of Purchases that They need to make, and They retrieve them quickly as humanly possible. Once the Purchase have been collected the Commando Shopper makes a Direct B-line towards the Nearest Cashier with Payment Method in Hand enabling them to Check out Quickly as They Can.

           

Smelly hit the Front Door like a fucking out of control Battering Ram and was immediately met with a Variable Sea of Shoppers. As Smedly scanned the Store just after entering in Contempt as The Shopping Scene He was about to Enter into was definitely as Big a Pain in the Ass as He had thought it would be. It appeared the Entire Population of the State was out doing Their Weekly Shopping Smedly thought to Himself angrily. Smedly set off delving into the Ocean of Consumers as He devised an optimal Shopping Strategy to Assist in making this Shopping Trip Less Hellish than it had to be.

Smedly decided to Start in the Dairy department since He needed some Milk and then He would work His way across the Store to the Other side picking up what He needed on the Way. Smedly was having trouble navigating through the Herd of Shoppers as They wondered aimlessly around the Store utterly oblivious to Their surroundings. The Principle for success was the same in Auto Racing Smedly thought to Himself Angrily. Like in Auto Racing the Key to getting a Head is locating an opening in-between Your Opponent that You can squeeze through to get ahead.

            

Smedly reached the Dairy case only to find the Part of the Dairy case that Housed the Milk was currently being blocked by a Self Absorbed Soccer Mom with a Full Cart and Several unruly Children Running amok as She idols chatted on Her Cell Phone. Patience was a Virtue that Smedly was sadly Born without so it took only a brief moment before Smedly lost His temper succumbing to His Growing Frustration. Smedly announced Loudly to No One in particular that it was truly Amazing  how Self Centered People became when They were on Their goddamn Cell Phones. The Woman then annoyingly told whoever She was talking to to Hold on a minute, shot Smedly a Aggressive Stare that clearly read as “Eat Shit” before rounding up Her Children, and Finally getting the fuck out of the Way already.

Smedly snatched up a Gallon of Milk like a Hawk snatching it Prey right out of Thin Air. Next Smedly needed Eggs so He walked down to the Egg section of the Dairy Area where He was accosted by a Little Old Man who looked to be over a Hundred Years Old. As Smedly was inspecting Cartons of Eggs to insure none where cracked or in any other way Damaged The Little Old Man who was a complete Stranger moseyed over and stood right next to Smedly. The Old Man launched into a diatribe about how to properly select eggs, and that He grew up on a Farm, and that His father was a Farmer and His Father before Him. Smedly honestly didn’t want to be Rude as He felt guilty snapping at Senior Citizens inspect of Showing Them the Respect They Deserved. Smedly metaphorically almost Bit His Tongue in two Trying to keep His shit together. At last Smedly couldn’t stand the inane babbling of the Old Man and promptly told Him thank you for the helpful hints, and God Bless the Farmers before making a hasty exit.

           

Smedly circumvented the Store amassing His Purchases as best He could having to deal with Slow Old Ladys pushing over loaded Shopping carts full of canned Cat food, the Swarms of Aggitated Children Who’s Parents didn’t seem to give a fuck about how their kids acted especially in Public, the Idle Shoppers who stand periodically in front of the Selves staring intently at the Products as if They are expecting to Learn the meaning of Life, the Young Couples that wasted time and clogged up isles with Their over abundant displays of Affection, the Loners who walk down the isles like a Death Row Prisoner as They head to Execution, the cell phone shoppers that had to price compare every single item them purchase, the Cell Phone Zombies who come to complete standstill wherever They are and post up like a fucking a Volunteer Tree, and the Indecisive Shoppers that spend Their time taking items off the shelves only to look at it, and place it back on the shelf before removing yet another item over and over like their trapped in a fucking Loop.

The Line was occupationally long reminding Smedly of the Line at a Theme Park one of the Ones that You stand in for an Hour and a Half for a 3 minute ride. The Line inched along at a painfully slow pace which only served to irritate Smedly further. When Smedly felt He had reached full bullshit saturation (and was in real risk of creating a sense that would inevitable get Him banned for Life from the Store) He smartly asked the Young Man behind Him who was purchasing a 12 pack of PBR and a Frozen Pizza if He would hold His place in Line since He inconveniently had to Use the Bathroom which wasn’t an lie entirely. While Smedly didn’t actually need to Use the Bathroom He was headed there none the Less as the Bathroom was the only place Smedly could get a modicum of Silence and a small dose of Privacy.

           

As Smedly entered the Bathroom He became aware of some Hipster Business Man standing at the Urinal emptying His bladder while talking loudly on His Blue Tooth Ear Piece. Smedly had a special hate in His heart for Blue Tooth Ear Pieces which did serve a purpose when it came to Driver Safety outside of a Car though a Blue Tooth Ear Piece was Unnecessary and Asinine. Not only was this Guy jabbering away while using the Facilities He was waving His right arm around like a Air Traffic Controller with Wild abandon which almost lead to Him inadvertently smacking a few Shoppers as They made Their way to the Bathroom sinks. Smedly instantly judged then Man was an all around asshole, and Someone should fucking do something since this Guy obviously needed to be felt with. Smedly then accepted the fact that the person He was thinking of would have to be Him as No One else seemed to be Volunteering to do so.

Once the Bathroom was empty accept for the Two of Them Smedly slid up behind the Blue Tooth Guy and applied a chock hold that would make a Boa Constrictor Jealous. Smedly then dragged the shocked Blue Tooth Guy backwards into the Handicapped Stall. Once in the Stall Smedly frantically fidgeted with one hand to engage the Door Latch which He finally accomplished by almost breaking His wrist in the Process. Once the Door was Latched Smedly swung the Man around so He was facing the Toilet, and then pushed the Man down to His Knees still applying the Choke Hold like His life depended on it.  Then Smedly released the Choke Hold and using all of His strength and with His full weight behind it Shoved The Man’s face directly into the Toilet. The Man attempted to use His arms to keep from being slammed face first into the toilet bowl, but Smedly used His feet to stomp on the Man’s hands forcing Him to let go of the Toilet Seat.

          

To add insult to injury the Toilet had been apparently been used several times without being flushed so Once the Man’s face was submerged and He was struggling with all His Might Smedly decided to keep the MAn’s head pinned in the Toilet with His Foot to avoid the disgusting Mess. As Smedly stood there with His foot firmly planted on the back of the Man’s Head Smedly thought to Himself that the Drowning was taking longer than Usual, and that this Guy must have the Lung capacity of an Olympic Swimmer or some shit. Smedly was aware that His window of opportunity was closing as the Guy was making a great deal of noise and it was just a matter of time before another Shopper came in to vacate Their Bowels.

Smedly who had always been able to think on His feet realized what He had to do and do it fast. Smedly took His foot off on the back of the Man’s head for a split millisecond before bringing it down like a Sledge Hammer down at the Base of the Man’s Skull. The Man’s neck snapped with a loud Pop as if a Giant was cracking its knuckles, and the Mans arms dropped like a bad transmission as His body went limp. At last the Job was done and there was one less asshole in the world, well that’s how Smedly felt about in anyways. Smedly calmly Hoisted the Dead Man’s Lifeless Body up into the Seated position on the Toilet. He then pulled down the Man’s pants to sell the look that He wasn’t Dead, but using the Bathroom like any living Person. Smedly peaked out of the Stall to insure that coast os clear before exiting swiftly without making a sound like a Demon’s Whisper.

            

Smedly made His way back to His Cashier in the nick of time as He was Next in line. Smedly Thanked the Young Man for being cool enough to save His place for Him while He went to the Bathroom. The Young Man said it was no problem since it happens to everyone at least once in Their Lives. Smedly happily agreed as He paid the Cashier. With His purchases bagged up and in His Cart Smedly calmly left the Grocery Store, loaded the Groceries into His car, carefully shut the Trunk of His Car, hopped in, and Drove Off with a Smile on His Face feeling completely Stress Free.

Thanks for Reading,

By Les Sober

The Tale of Dunkin Donuts Man & Starbucks Woman

I was out this Weekend with My Wife at The Godawful Grocery Store Battling the Mind Numbing Monotony of it All. You see Errands Irritate the Shit Out of Me it’s Not the Actual Act of Shopping its All the Other Assholes I have to circumvent or Deal with Outright. The One thing that was Amusing Me was the New Dunkin Donuts T-Shirt I found in My Closet (I can’t remember where it came from Initially.) which Read: Friends Don’t Let Friends Drink Starbucks.

I got a huge fucking kick as I am a Big Time Dunkin Donuts Fan I also fucking HATE THE SHIT OUT OF STARBUCKS always Have ALWAYS WILL. Starfuck’s Coffee is a bunch of Over Hyped and Over Priced Bitter Bullshit, and Not Only That but Starfucks Customers are Pretentiously Lame Lemmings. Starfucks Pompus Customers that get Off on all the Happy Hipster Horseshit like calling the Employees Baristas or the fucking Ridiculously Coded Names for Their Coffees.

My Wife stepped away for a Minute to retrieve some sort of Ass Cream. This was for the Sole purpose of having Me ask Why She was Buying Ass Cream, and then Her Saying  “It’s for My Asshole.” before Handing it Directly To Me with a Sly Smile. I like to see that I rubbed off on Her a Bit over the Years even if its My Absurd Sarcastic Sense Humor.

       

While My Wife was off Getting Her Prop so She could Set Me Up a Woman came Strolling By. Then out of fucking No Where She stops right in from of Me. She stood there Facing Me glaring like She just smiled the Foulest Fart imaginable with one Hand on the Shopping Cart Handle and the Other on Her Waist. She remained standing thee like that before finally speaking the fuck up, and when She did She Said “I HATE Your Shirt.” in a Totally Pissed the fuck Off tone of Voice.

After making Her Spite Filled Statement She again just Stood there in front of Me Disapprovingly like a Angry ass Soccer Mom or Some shit. Now Normally I’d have a Clever and Bitter Response that would have Leveled Her, BUT I was completely Blind Sided by This Barrage of Bullshit. So going with My Knee Jerk Reaction I Blurted out “Well Fuck You Too.” To My Surprise the Woman remained Standing Unfazed by My Harsh and Foul Mouthed Response.

The Two of Us remained in this bizarre Stand Off until luckily for Me My Wife returned. She immediately knew something weird was going on by  the Scowl on My face. She asked what was going on, and I informed Her this Stranger had Stopped specifically to tell Me she Hated My Shirt. That and at that Point I had responded with the exclamation “Well Fuck You Too.” My Wife looked over at the Lady and said to her something about being a Starbucks Lover (aka Dunkin Donut Hater) to which The Strange Woman confirmed.

I was still a bit baffled by this bullshit scenario because She didn’t say She Hated My Shirt Jokingly, She didn’t say it Sarcastically, and She didn’t do the Whole “I’m only half Joking because really I’m being a Dick using a Backhanded Compliment.” She simply got in My face and Told Me She Hated My Shirt with No Context or Emotion other than Repulsed Disgust.

A Moment or Two after Admitting Her comment was Pro Starbucks Driven the Woman finally Turned and slowly walked away pushing Her Shopping Cart with Aggravated Determination. Seconds after the Woman Exited the Isle a Man came by and informed Me he liked the Shirt and thought it made all the sense in the World. He pointed out How this Weirdo Woman’s reaction only served to back the Statement written on My T-Shirt. Thats because Starbucks Coffee is Not just a fucking Scam, BUT Their Customers are Stuck the fuck Up Elitist Coffee Assholes to boot.

We finished Our Shopping Trip without Running into the StarBucks Bitch again which I guess is for the Best since I ended up getting rather Pissed Myself after the Fact. The funny fucking thing is Out of ALL (I have an extensive Collection I’ve Accumulated over My Many Years on this Planet) T-Shirts that I Own This was the One that Pissed Off Someone to the Point They had to Personally Inform Me of Their Hate. I mean in all actuality have some T-shirts that are So Offensive I don’t wear them in Public Anymore, Yet its NOT because Someone Confronted Me over any of Them. I’m just trying to Save Myself Bullshit Run Ins like The One I just Wrote About.

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

“I’m Missing Two Legs.”

The other night on the way home from the grocery store (where My Wife and I had gone specifically to get shit for dinner) got lazy and went the Fast Food Route. We opted for Fried Chicken.

We pulled up to the Drive Thru Menu, and the Drive Thru Girl did the whole whole Hey how the hell are you, How’s the kids, Welcome to this Fast Food joint, and What do you want today bullshit.

We told her that we would like an 8 piece Dinner. The Girl mumbled something I really have no fucking clue what the hell she actually said. Now We could hear all the back round noise of the kitchen and shit so we couldn’t figure out who exactly the Girl was talking to us or a fellow employee. It was quite unclear.

We waited a minute or two and then repeated the original order. The reply we got from the Drive Thru Girl was this one statement:

“I’m missing two legs.”

My Wife and I had no idea what to make of this so my wife asked her to repeat what she had said and again it was “I’m missing two legs.”

 

This miscommunication goes on for just shy of 5 minutes where My Wife keeps attempting to clarify what the fuck this statement turned mantra was all about. The Entire time all the Girl said was I’m missing two legs.”

I was sitting there just as puzzled as my Wife and I started to wonder myself what the whole two legs statement means since the problem was we were missing any and all context.

I began thinking is this Girl handicapped and really wants me to know it for some bizarre reason? Did she just kill her Manager, dismember the Corpse, and now realized as she is bagging up the body that the legs are missing? Did she just suddenly look down and her fucking legs were missing? Was she an Amputee who had misplaced her prosthetic legs at work while sitting and working the Drive Thu?

In the end the explanation is more than anti-climactic.

What the Girl was trying in her own absurd way was this:

By “I” was We as in The Restaurant itself.

By “Missing” She meant Out Of

And By Legs she meant Drumsticks.

so “I’m missing two legs.” translated into “We (the Restaurant) are Out of Drumsticks, Can We make a substitution for you?”

She was also referencing that an 8 piece bucket of said Fried Chicken contains 2 Breasts, 2 Thighs, 2 Wings, and 2 Legs. Which when I thought about it made perfect sense.

What? Oh I know what your thinking and Your thinking well Duh no shit Sherlock.

Well as basic the answer is I had never spent any time (not a single second of my many, many years on this planet) contemplating the exact contents of a 8 piece bucket of Fried fucking Chicken, and the ratio of the various  Chicken’s Parts.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober