Unknown History To Me

Tonight I was informed by my Wife that she is deeply concerned that I don’t know who the hell Shamus McButtfucker is. I am a big fan of history as its a Sociological Study, and pride myself on being smarter than the average bear on the subject. I openly admit I have never heard hide nor hair of this so called Shamus McButtfucker. So curious on where the fuck my Wife was going with this I asked Why the hell I should know who the fuck Shamus is in the first fucking place?!

She replied that Shamus McButtfucker was an Irish Cowboy circa 1614 ad who’s claim to fame was that he buttfucked all the cows out of Ireland because there was a huge cow epidemic, and they weren’t producing enough beef. So Shamus informed the cows that this was unacceptable , and therefore immediately started buttfucking them into submission. Needless to say the cows started producing more beef. Thus Ireland was saved from the great beef famine of 1676.

Subsequent Note: The potato famine suffered Irland a worse fate because for some unknown reason at that time there was no Shamus McSpudsfucker sad to say.

Thanks for the read,

Les Sober 

 

 

 

T.R. McCoy The Man, The Myth, The Monster

The following newspaper article was published in the Podunk County Chronicle on December 9th 1913 on the 25th anniversary of T.R. McCoy’s disappearance.

T.R.McCoy was one of the most controversial figures in American history that you’ve never heard of. T.R. McCoy was an anthropologists, successful sociologist, and the pioneering founder of the scientific field of cryptozoology, who one cold winter night after leaving a fundraiser for his next expedition (to the tropical islands in the Arctic Circle) heavily drunk and aggravated, vanished leaving only his left black leather glove upon the stair of the Naturalist Park on December 9th, 1888.

During his prolific and troubled carrier T.R.McCoy won several Nobel prizes for pioneering the field of cryptozoology in 1818, and for advancements in the field of sociology (in 1817, 1821 and 1833)

T.R.McCoy also had a plethora of criminal court cases for example the multiple charges of exploitation and detriment to the indigenous tribes people he studied. Once T.R.McCoy disappeared from the face of the earth; the flood gates for conspiracy theorists were opened. People formulated theories such as: The Vatican had him assassinated. Could it have been, that one of his 17 ex-wives/mistresses killed him in a crime of passion unable to tolerate his penchant for womanizing? Was it that T.R.McCoy faked his own death to escape from public controversy and legal prosecution? Did McCoy run off to one of his exotic locations and was eaten by vengeful cannibals whose ancestors McCoy swindled into becoming cheap slave labor.  Others hypothesized McCoy fell victim to a revenge bent supernatural specter from beyond the grave seeking retribution. Some said it was an alien abduction, but at the same time others wondered if McCoy himself was in fact an alien or perhaps a human-alien hybrid. Some in the general community believe McCoy, through his advanced knowledge of physics and the time space continuum, opened a portal to escape the chaos of his career and the turmoils of his personal life by entering another unknown dimension. Some other people think McCoy was employed by a government agency working on top secret project (McCoy was working with the military but the all the files are still to this day remain classified) and simply knew to much so he was effectively “Taken Out”
The more likely reality is that a fellow competitor (and there were plenty) murdered him out of jealously or retribution for McCoy destroying their careers, as he was known to do if for any reason big or small if he disliked you. More probable causes for McCoy’s disappearance also include being killed by a nefarious person from the criminal underworld due to an outstanding gambling debt. McCoy was a notorious gambler who would bet on anything just to make a wager. McCoy could have just as easily dropped his glove as he staggered down the park stairs intoxicated (as his penchant for drink was legendary), stumbled off into the park, and accidentally fell into the Elli river that runs through the park.
No body was ever found even after an extensive 93 day search. In the end we can only speculate and must be ready to acknowledge the fact that the world may never know what really happened to T.R.McCoy the man, the myth, the monster.

Thomas Jefferson weighs in on Apple VS. The FBI

“A Government big enough to supply everything you need is big enough to take everything you have…The course of history shows that as a government grows,liberty decreases.”

-Thomas Jefferson-

A Founding Father or Two

Thomas Jefferson once said

“If you want freedom there should be an armed revolution every 20 years”

 

George Washington said

“A two party political system will be the death of America”