Tag: Human Behavior

Scammer Tried Scamming And Got His Ass Handed To Him

So since the dawn of fucking Humanity there have been piece of shit Scammers. One of the Biggest Types of Scams as We are All Aware is Counterfeiting. Counterfeiting has gone hand in hand with Humanity.  People have been creating Fake Products and Money since the fucking Dawn of Time. A Few Examples Counterfeiting from Throughout History such as the Invention of Colored Glass at the Time of the Roman Empire. Surprisingly this fucking led to a Sudden Massive Increase in Fake Gems Stones such as Rubys and shit.

Then Back in the fucking 1800’s the Country was fucking Infested with Medical Bullshitters Known as fucking Snake Oil Salesmen. Snake Oil Salesmen sold Phony Medical Elixirs/Medicines that were Billed as Miracle Cures for fucking Any and All Medical Diseases, Problems, or Afflictions Whatever the fuck that Means) that You had. “Do You Suffer from Mind fucking Migraines, Stage fucking 4 Brain Cancer, Syphilis (Apparently everyone back then was a Slut so Damn Near every motherfucker had an STD Syphilis was in particularly Popular, Arthritis, Cold/Flu, Pain of any Kind, Digestive Issues (Ex. IBS), and Menstruation Issues? Have No Fear Ladies and fucking Gentlemen all You have to do is just DRINK THIS SHIT! Once the Medicine/Elixir starts to fucking Work You’ll become Symptom Free You will Actually Feel better than You have Ever Before in Your Entire Life! You’ll be Stronger, Taller, and Healthier than You could even IMAGINE!!” Not to fucking Mention at the time these So Called Medicines were Primarily a Harmless Liquid combined with a Variety of fucking Hardcore Narcotics like fucking Morphine, Alcohol, Cocaine, Heroin, or at Least fucking Alcohol (Ex. Whiskey). Obviously these Bullshit Remedies didn’t Cure a fucking thing. All these Concoctions accomplished to do is Seriously fuck Customers Up. They fucked Customers so Much that They didn’t care anymore about Their Health Problems (or Anything fucking Else for that Matter). I mean Seriously the Primary fucking reason People Drink or Do Drugs is to Stop Giving a Flying Fuck about all the Bullshit They have to Deal with.

                   

Then in the Early 1900’s Snake Oil Salesmen became a New Type of Assholes when They ditched the Fake Fucking Medicines in Favor of Quack Medical Devices. Once again None of these Alleged Treatments did a goddamn thing to Help Anyone in the fucking Least. These absurd fucking Treatments didn’t even get You fucking High usually They were Uncomfortable as Fuck or Outright fucking Painful. Not only were these Treatments a complete fucking Fraud They could fuck up the patient even Worse. The reason all these Scumfuck Scammers could Peddle these Fraudulent Medical Devices or Treatments is that the Government didn’t Require any fucking  Medical Proof that a Treatment Worked. This led to allowing Anyone to Claim Anything did Everything under the fucking Sun. Fast Forward to the Rampant Greed when Cash was fucking King of the 1980’s. In the 80’s it became fucking Common Place (and Considered just the Price of Doing Business) for Stock Brokers to Promote any Stock regardless if it was Worth a Damn. So Stock Brokers started hawking All kinds of Shit Stocks to Their Clients because They didn’t give a Shit about Their Clients. It became All about  was the Stock Broker’s Commission, and getting Obscenely Rich off Bullshitting Their Clients into Buying Worthless fucking Stocks.

With the Invention of the Internet Scamming was taken to a Whole New fucking Level. From the Earliest Days of their Internet with the Nigerian Prince Email Scams. This Type of Scam is Seriously Fucktarded I mean the Premise  Alone is utterly fucking Unbelievable, and to be Honest I really have No fucking Clue HOW Anyone could Fall for Such Blatant Bullshit. The Scam Basically claims a Prince or Diplomat is Stuck in Africa by No Fault of Their Own. Then the Scammer would Claim that on Top of being Stranded that for Some Vague and Ridiculous Reason They ALSO had Their Bank Accounts Frozen. Then the Scammer would ask or flat out or even resort to Pleading/Begging the Victim to Help Them out. To Help the Scammer makes Absolutely Insane Proposition which is if the Victim Sends the Several Thousands of fucking Dollars to Unfreeze Their Finances, and in Return for the Help They will Repay the Victim with Millions of Dollars.

Now I could go on All fucking Day about this Scam, but I’ll just sum it the fuck up like this. Even if You Play Devil’s Advocate the Scam is Absurd because WHY the fuck would a African Prince/Diplomat/Royalty Who was in Such a Dire Situation reach out to COMPLETE FUCKING STRANGER(S) in a Different Country across the fucking Ocean?! What the fuck is that about Don’t They have Friends or Family They could Contact or a Government Office or Authority for Help?! Once You ask Yourself that Basic Question You See Immediately that the African Prince’s Email Plea for Help is a Rather Pathetically Planned Scam.

A Few Examples of Current ongoing Scams includes, but is Not Limited to the The IRS Scam, Romance Scam, Pop Up Scam, PayPal Scam, Refund Scam, Amazon Scam, Crypto Scams, Netflix Scam, Roku Scam, Extended Warranty Scam, or Social Security Number Scam. With the Addition of Social Media it Provided a Breeding Ground for Scammers to Scam, Communicate, Exchange People’s Personal Information, and Coordinate Scams. All You have to do to see this for Yourself is to Spend a Couple Minutes on Telegram the Dark Wed Equivalent of Social Media Platforms. Telegram is Nothing but a Criminal Platform for Scammers, Pedophiles, Racist Groups, Terrorist Groups, and Extremists, BUT that’s an Another Post unto itself. Let’s fucking Face It People as a Whole are Egotistical Animals that because We have Thumbs, and Walk Upright We that makes Us the Center of the fucking Universe.

                   

So just the Other Day a New Mom and Pop Coffee Shop Opened in a Near by Town from where I Live, and I fully Believe in Supporting Both Local and Small Businesses. Fuck Big Box Bullshit Store like Walmart or fucking Target. I believe in Financially Crippling Corporations while Simultaneously Bankrupting Billionaires. Bottomline Riot Against the Rich and Eat the Elite. With that said the Coffee Shop in question is a fucking Poor Excuse for a Coffee Shop believe You Me. Just imagine Someone created a Cheap and Even Worse Version of Starbucks Run by a Bunch of Unpleasant Cunts.

Seriously These fucking Employees acted as if They were in a fucking Prison Cafeteria or some shit like that. They were Cold as fuck with Eat Shit Scowls  plastered Across Their Faces that made Resting bitch Face look like an Ear to fucking Ear Smile. It wouldn’t have Surprised Me if a fucking Full Blown Riot Broke Out where Customers (and the Staff Alike) Started Shiving the shit Out of Each Other. All this should have served as fucking Foreshadowing for the Events to Come that’s fucking for sure.

As soon as I got My Coffee I exited the Shop post fucking Haste as all I had thought about since Entering was Exiting. Granted I Drive what most People would Refer to as a Big Ass Truck complete with Big Nasty Trailer Hitch. Being that the Coffee Shop is in a rather Small Town there was More than Ample Parking. There was so much fucking Available Parking it was like a fucking Zombie Apocalypse had Occurred. Honestly there fucking wasn’t a Single fucking Car that I could fucking See Parked ANYWHERE. In Spite of this the Only Asshole Who came to the Coffee Shop while I was There Parked Directly Behind Me. I mean the Asshole parked so fucking Close that They were Literally Bumper Fucking My Truck is All I’m saying. I admit I was still Contemplating How Crappy the Coffee Shop was and Forgot to Look Behind Me when I was Leaving. It didn’t even fucking Occur to Me that A) There was Anyone Else doing Anything in Town other then Me, and B) with all the Aforementioned Parking I never Though an Asshole would Park Behind Me (Not to Mention so fucking Insanely Close to Boot).

Well Needless to Say when I Put the truck in Reverse, Took My foot off the Brake and the Truck INSANELY SLOWLY Rolled Back. As Soon as I took My fucking Foot off the fucking Brake I felt a Small Bump and Immediately Pulled My Truck Forward. I then Turned the fucking Truck Off so I could Get Out and See if there was Any Damage. I really didn’t fucking think there would be Any since My Trailer Hitch Barely touched the Other Car’s Bumper. Now there was a TINY fucking Dent the Size of a fucking Quarter that could be Fixed by just Using a Toilet Plunger to Undo the Dent it’s Simple as fuck to do. I proceeded to reenter the Crappy Coffee Shop and inquired to Who the Owner of Said Vehicle Was. As it Turned Out it was the ONLY other fucking Customer to Show Up Other than This Guy the Place was a fucking Ghost Town. The Man was a Heavy Set and on the Short Side and was Dressed like a 1970’s Pimp. I’m not even Joking He was wearing a Vibrantly Purple 3 Piece Suit complete with a Wide Brimmed Hat and a Cane for Aesthetics. I couldn’t Help Wonder even with the Addition of the Internet WHERE did this fucking Guy Buy such a Suit in the First Place. Once the Shock of the Man’s Outrageously Ugly Suit I informed Him of what the fuck Happened, and We ventured Outside so He could See the “Damage” for Himself.

   

  • So when We get to this Man’s Car He took a Glance at His Bumper and States “We can this Handle Ourselves”. Instantly I fucking knew I had a Lowly Scammer on My Hands. The Protocol is if You’re in ANY kind of Automobile Altercation You call the fucking Cops who take a Report to be Submitted to the Insurance Companies. It took only a matter of a Few fucking Seconds for the Man to Insist I Owed Him $50 for the Damage which was Absolutely fucking Fucktarded. Now I’m sure this Motherfucker thought He had an Easy Mark in a Supposedly Nervous White Kid, BUT Boy Oh fucking Boy was He wrong as Fuck. I immediately Stated that I wasn’t giving Him a Goddamn Dime Not Now Not Ever.

The Man ignored Me and Continued Pushing His Scam. It’s Significant to Mention this Happened in the Middle of the Day in a Small Rural Farming Community on Main Street, and the Obscenity Laden Language I was using is Utterly Uncommon for the fucking Bible Belt. Seriously these are the Type of People that freaked the fuck out when an Actor in the Movie in Gone With The Wind said “Frankly Scarlett I Don’t give a Damn.” Also I stuck out like a Sore fucking Numb as Well because I don’t look like the fucking Locals. The Locals have an Unofficial Uniform consisting of Generic Blue Jeans, T-Shirt with some fucking Animal on it, and a Baseball Cap which makes Everyone look like a Redneck Clone of Each Other. I on the Other Hand Wear Death Metal/Goregrind Band T-Shirts, Black Jeans, Sunglasses, and a Hat that Reads “G_ F_ck Y__rs_lf and Under that “Want to Buy a Vowel?” Not to mention I have Long ass Hair, Prominent Tattoos, a Righteous Wild Man Goatee, and Do Not give a Flying Fuck about Social Norms.

                       

This Standoff if You will Continued like this for about half a fucking Hour as He demanded Cash and Me telling Him Not a Chance in Hell. Then an Epiphany Hit Me like a Ton of fucking Bricks and I knew right then and there I had this Scammer backed into a fucking Corner. You See the Fact this Scammer Shithead was so fucking Insistent when it came to NOT contacting the Cops let Me know I had the Advantage. That’s when I switched up My Strategy and gave the Scammer an Ultimatum. Either He could Shut the Fuck Up, Walk Away, and We’d Hopefully never see Each other Again. And if He was that fucking Bent Out of Shape about His fucking Bumper then I’d Gladly Call the Cops. As You might Imagine the Scammer recoiled at the Idea of the Cops like a fucking Vampire from a Cross. I cut the Scammer Off because I was fucking sick and tired of going in Circles and getting fucking No Where. I laid into the Scammer Repeating Louder and More Aggressive as I went Repeating My Ultimatum. This threw the Scammer off His Game, BUT He sure as Hell wasn’t letting this shit go as He started Babbling like a Tongue Tied Village Idiot. At this Point I was Extremely Pissed Off which Prompted Me to Tell the Scammer that My Drivers License and Insurance were Clean, I didn’t have Contraband (anything You wouldn’t want a Cop to fucking Find) on Me or In My truck, and I didn’t have any Outstanding Legal Issues like a Warrant for Example.

                   

See My Epiphany I mentioned Earlier was that Last Thing the Low Life Scumfuck Scammer wanted was to have the Cops Come. This is Quite Obviously because Unlike Me He DID have something to Hide that He sure as Hell didn’t want the Cops to Discover. Knowing this Meant I had the Upper Hand since like I said I was Free and Clear of any Issue/Problem with the Cops. At this Point I pulled My Phone Out and Pulled Up the Local Police Phone Number from My Contacts (I have Friends/Family that live in that Area so that’s Why I had the Cops in My Contacts) and Held the Phone Up so the Scammer Could See It. Once again the Scammer tried to Bullshit about the Situation which caused Me to Shove My Phone in the Scammers Face to make My fucking Point. Believe it Or Not the Scammer Switched Gears from Stand Offish to Trying to Win Me over with be Ungodly Friendly as if We’d known Each other Since Childhood. I informed Him We weren’t Friends and never fucking would be So let’s stay on Point and deal the Bumper Bumping Issue. The Scammer was Struggling as He hadn’t Expected to Encounter a Foul Mouthed, Aggressive, and Head Strong Individual that wasn’t about to take Shit from any-fucking-one. Perhaps around this Point the Scammer FINALLY started to Realize He couldn’t Win though He Kept trying for awhile Longer.

The Scammer started to Haggle over the Price He wanted for the “Damage” to His Bumper (Though His Car was a Beater Piece of Shit that looked like He was Living in It), and Tried to Start a Negotiation. He First reduced His Price by Knocking $20 off and said He’d settle for $30 instead. This Strategy Failed as Badly as His Previous Strategies and I Told Him Once again that I wasn’t giving Him one Red fucking Cent. Then the Scammer reduced His Price again to $20 as if He thought He was Haggling in a fucking Pawn Shop. I was fucking Dumbfounded when the Scammer Shitfuck still kept up His Fucktarded Price Brokering. The Scammer once again Cut the Price in Half to $10 and I Utterly Lost My Shit and then Some. I Damn Near Yelled Directly in the Scammers Face that ONCE AGAIN I Wasn’t Giving Him Shit No Matter How Low He Went, and Then I Shoved My Phone Back in His Face but This Time I Hit the Dial Button.

That Move caused the Shitty Scammer to Panic as He had Figured Out that Not Only was He not getting a goddamn Dollar, But if the Cops came He’d have a real fucking Bad Day by Ending Up on the Wrong Side of the Law. The Scummy Scammer’s Eyes were as Wide as fucking Dinner Plates, He started Waving His Arms Frantically, and was Trying to Talk so Fast He just Talked Over Himself. I Hung Up before the Cops Answered as the Scammer was fucking Done and My Mission was a Success. As Soon as I hung Up I glared at the Shitsplat Scammer and told Him for the Last Time I’m NOT fucking Around which He now well Aware Of by Now. I then reiterated My Ultimatum for the Last fucking Time Walk the fuck Away or I’m calling the Cops. The Scammer at Last Admitted Total Defeat and Started Spouting bullshit about How He gets Along with Everyone. I immediately responded by Telling Him I’m Someone who is Part of Everyone and We weren’t getting Along just to be a Dick.

Thus in the End the Scammer fucked Off and I’ve never seen the Scumfuck again which is a Good Thing as if I do See the Motherfucker it’s going to be Round 2. The Moral to the fucking Story is Don’t take shit from Scammer Pieces of Shit. If Anyone try to Exploit You like this Tell’em to Get Fucked and Threaten to Call the Cops and You’ll be just fucking fine. In the End I did receive Several Phone calls that Evening from Friends who Reported How the Science on the Street had Apparently caught the Attention of every Driver on the Road. Now I have the reputation as the Local Psychopath that’s Best to Be Avoided, But Fuck It it Doesn’t Bother Me it Keeps Asshats the fuck Away from Me GREAT.

It is What it Is,

 By Les Sober

Thanksgiving Shits And Giggles Featuring Woody Scream

Well We are Finally getting Our shit together since We got clusterfucked in-between a fucking a Surreal Road Trip and the Thankless Toils of the Thanksgiving Holidays. I’m currently working on a Post pertaining to the Aforementioned Road Trip, but it’s Slow Going since it’s such an Infuriating Story I have to take frequent breaks so I don’t Actually Punch My Computer Screen. That aside I felt the need to Address the Utter Nonsensical Onslaught of the so called Holiday Season in the Meantime. To Keep some sort of Order and Assemble some sort of fucking Sanity I will be Using the FYB Tried and True Bullet Point Format.

  • Pre Show Prep: My Wife and I have been Drafted over the Recent Years into the Unwelcoming Ranks of Holiday Responsibilities and Assorted Bullshit. So this Includes the Relentless Cleaning Up the House in Preparation of the Forthcoming Company. This obviously makes fucking Sense, and We have No Qualm with Doing. The Problem is My Micro Managing Obsessive and Franticly Stressed Mother who can make You Feel like You’re Losing Your goddamn Mind since Her Anxiety is fucking Infectious. She whips Herself up into a fucking Frenzy Running around like a fucking Lunatic starting Numerous Projects Simultaneously while Simultaneously Finishing None of Them. It’s what We unaffectionately refer to as My Mother’s Manic Host Mode where She acts like Her Life and Reputation is Teetering on the Brink if Her House isn’t Absolutely Spotless and has been Cleaned to the Highest Hospital Standards.

The Funny thing is It’s just Family Who are the Mellowest and Undemanding House Guests You can Have for fuck’s sake. My Mother seems to be Operating under some delightfully Demented Assumption that if The Family Arrives to find even a Single Speck of Dirt on the Bottom Stair (leading up to the Front Porch) It’s All Over in an Instant. As if My Fellow Family Members would Cast a Disgusted eye Upon the Psec of Dirt, Turn Around on Their Heel, March back to Their Cars, Lod up, and Yell before Speeding Off into the fucking Distance “WHAT A FILTHY HELLHOLE! SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU GUYS AND YOUR PIG STY! WE WILL NEVER SET FOOT ON THIS SOIL AGAIN AND WE DISOWN EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU DISAPPOINTING AND FILTHY FUCKERS!!!” It’s Insanity Incarnate.

               

THE KIDS: The Two Boys are Still just Shy of becoming Teenagers and as So were Willing to Speak and Interact with Us on a Consistent Basis during the Trip. Meanwhile Their Sister being 16 Years Old is Undoubtedly a Full Blown fucking Teenager. She had Her Face in Her Phone the Entire fucking Time because Her Life currently is all About Socializing and Friends, Friends, and More fucking Friends! I do have to give Credit where Credit is Due for Her Part She refrained from being the Classic Anti-Social Hormonal Horror Show Three Ring Circus of Bullshit. The Trip was Free from Conflict, Argument, Hissy fucking Fits, Screaming/Yelling, Door Slamming or Anti Adult/Authority “I am My Own Person” Self Indulgent Self Righteous Sixteen Year Old Psychodrama. So That Was A Pleasant Surprise.

The Reservation Situation: My Mother being from an Older Generation is still totally Hung Up on the Restaurant Reservation Scenario. The Problem is that Unless it’s some Super Trendy Fine Dining Hipster Restaurant or Perhaps an Old School Steak House Throw Back Dinosaur then You Don’t actually need a Reservation. Unfortunately as Time Evolved and Moved on My Mother Did Not budge an Inch. So One Night We were going out to Eat and Automatically My Mother becomes Fixated as Fuck on the Fact the Place Didn’t Take Reservations, BUT where Kind Enough as to make Note that a Party of 10 was Headed Their Way (I assume this was complete horseshoe to placate the Madness that is My Mother. Also I don’t Blame Them a Bit since My Mother is well let’s say Intense and Leave it at That.

               

As We are Driving to Said Restaurant My Mother goes into Panic Mode when My Cousin Texted “Do we need a reservation?” and that’s all it Took for My Mother to Head for the Races. The Next thing We know My Mother has Engulfed Everyone in the fucking Car into Her Web of Sheer Madness as We all Scrambled to Solve the Situation (aka Attempt Get My Mental Mother to Calm the Hell Down). Finally the whole Reservation Hullaballoo died Down Five Minutes before We got to the Restaurant. Just for the Record the Drive was 42 Minutes Long and it took only Two Minutes before My Mother got Triggered by the Innocent Reservation Question. That Means the Reservation Dilemma essentially lasted the Entire Fucking Ride.

Once We Enter the Resturant even though it’s 8:30 on a Saturday Night was like a Scene from a Shitty B Comedy Movie was Empty as Empty could be. The Only other fucking People there besides Us are the fucking Staff. That’s it just Us and the Boarded looking Staff After all the Old School Reservation busllshit Versus the New School No Reservation Needed the place Didn’t have a Single other Customer. It was so Dead in there I honestly felt fucking Bad for the Poor Waitress who just so Happened to Be the Nicest, Professional, Personable, and Kickass All Around Waitress I have Even Encountered. The way I figured it She was Financially fucked since Working at this Particular Restaurant was making Her a Damn Thing, or She was One of the Working Poor who had Several Restaurant/Food Service Jobs just to be able to Scrape By. All I hope is She finds a Better and More Lucrative Job then the Graveyard of a Restaurant where She is currently Employed.

                  

Litter Patrol: We live so Far Out in the fucking Middle of Nowhere USA that We Don’t have Trash Pick Up so No Garbage Men/Women or Trash Day. Instead We have to Haul Our own Stinky Shitty Trash down to the Town Dump (Which is Actually just a Parking Lt with a Bunch of Dumpsters line up Designated for Different Shit (Example: Plastic, Yard Waste, Metal Etc.). One of the Unfortunate Side Effects of this and People be Lazy as Fuck is there is a Real Litter Problem. Along some Stretches of Road there’s all kinds of Shit like Fast Food Containers from Places that are fucking 30-45 Minutes Away, Old Tires, Beer Cans/Booze Bottles (There so Many I swear Every motherfuckier in Town is Drunk Driving), Broken TV’s, Ratty Ass Furniture like Old Worn Out Love Seats and Shit, and a Shit Ton of Rotting Plastic Bottles.

This lead to My Mother having the Idea to Subtly Suggest that Why the Family is here that We clean up Along Some the Roads that Run Through the Vast Property. This was a Nice and Generally Well Received by All until My Mother started to get fucking pushy as Shit Pushing the Issue and Badgering Everyone. I told Her it was fucking Insane that She went fro Subtle Suggestion to Full on Demanding Compliance Immediately. First Off Not everyone Agreed to Help which was Fine and Expected, but then My Mother got bent because My Cousin wouldn’t Allow the Boys to go Out and Collect Trash on the Side of the Road because it would be Dangerous. She was and is Absolutely right on that one it is fucking Damn Well Dangerous.

                   

The Speed Limit is 55 and as You can imagine People average 65 or Higher and the fact there is Only 3-4 Police Officers allows People to Drive even More like Total Assholes. Then there are Several Blind Curves which are just begging to be the Sight of a Fatal Car Accident so again Imagine People Speeding around Blind Curves would You want Your Kid Standing There Fuck No You Wouldn’t. Lastly the Road is a Main Route for Eighteen Wheeler Logging Trucks which as We all Know take Forever and a fucking Day to Slow to a Gradual Stop.

At Last My Wife, My Cousin’s Husband (looking to escape the Chaotic Confines of the House), My Mother, and I Headed Out to Help Tidy up the fucking Roadside. Now after spending 3-4 Hours Ranting, Raving, and Being a Total Dick about the Whole Thing My Mother Collected One Bag of Trash in 15 minutes and Then Declared She was Tired and Done. The Three of Us remained and Managed to Pack 22 Trash Bags to the fucking Gills with Roadside Garbage. Not too Shabby for damn Near Forced Labor.

The Getting Ready Dilemma: This is the Asinine bullshit that I Hate the Most out of all the Family fucking Nonsense is the Getting Ready Principle. This happens Every fucking time before Every fucking thing We plan to Do when the Family is in Town. As the Deadline Approaches Family Members mingle around Idly just Killing Time fucking with Phones, watching TV, Reading a Book (Yes some of Us still Read fucking Books so Fuck You if thats weird to You), or smoother Mindless Time Wasting Activity. The Point is this getting Ready to Leave Limbo is We aren’t even Interacting with one Another while We wait. It’s like We’re all Hanging around Some Sort of fucking Waiting room for an Appointment that’s Never Coming.

One by One Each Family Member States that They have to Get Ready and then set off to Allegedly do so. I say Allegedly because though Everyone leaves under the Presence of getting Ready to Go NO ONE actually appears to actually be getting ready. This process wastes a good 45 to 60 Minutes as Nothing gets Accomplished while People Drift Room from Room like Human fucking Jellyfish. I detest Downtime I really fucking Hate it because I get Bored Easily, and I fucking Hate Boredom with a Passion so This Aimless Lackadaisical Idiocy infuriates Me to No end. Then just like a fucking Football Game after Squandering a Good Amount of Time in the Final Minutes Everyone jumps into fucking Action. Then all of a Sudden Everyone is Ready and Walking out the fucking Door so what this all Means is They can get Ready in a Timely Manner, but They Delay and Dawdle away a Hour for No fucking Reason Whatsoever. I simply Cannot get My Head Around Such Drivel.

             

Game Night Without The Kids: On One Particular Night the Kids went to Visit some of Their Other Relatives leaving the Adults Alone for the Evening. After the Drinks Started Flowing My Wife Suggested Breaking Out the Game Cards Against Humanity since We were Kid Free, and It’s I think We can All Agree Not a Game for Anyone Under 18 Years of Age (Some May Argue No One Under 21 Years Of Age). For those Who are Not Familiar Cards Against Humanity is an Adult Party Game in Which Players complete Fill-In-The-Blanks Statements using Words or Phrases Typically Deemed Obscene or Offensive in Nature.

Undeniably the Some of the Games Appeal comes from the Fact Younger Generations get a kick out of Hearing Older Generations Curse or Use Sexually Charged Language. The Assumption made by The Younger Generations is that the Older Generation will be Utterly Clueless when it comes to the X-Rated Content. The Ironic thing is the Old Generations DO know about all the Crazy Sex shit it’s They just Don’t know what it’s Being Called Nowadays (Example: Russia used to be The Soviet Union and the USSR in its Past though its Always been the Same Geographical Location).

My Cousin’s Husband remember Playing it one Time Long Ago and was Definitely in Favor of Playing that was Until We actually Started Playing. We were about 8 minutes into the Game when He started to Regret His Initial Endorsement for Playing Cards Against Humanity in the First Place. He was Consumed by Embarrassment and Tried to Avoid dwelling on certain Topics like Describing what the Sex Toy Known as the Fleshlight was to His In laws. My Wife and I were having None of It and Informed Him once the Game started there Wasn’t any Backing Down, Sugar Coating, or Skipping Over a Single Aspect of the Game. Watching My Cousins Husband Squirm Uncomfortably Blushing with Embarrassment was the Highlight of the Game as Far as I’m Concerned.

And So this Brings Us to the End of this Pos on Thanksgiving Tensions. I wanted to End this Post a Little Different from Previous Posts So I Included the Feature Video WOODY SCREAM below to Summarize My Feelings Pertaining to the Hell of the Holidays. Now On to Christmas!

Enjoy.

Thanks For Watching,

 By/Presented By Les Sober 

Creeptoons Video Dating 1 and 2

Welcome to this Wednesday’s Post CREEPTOONS VIDEO DATING By None Other Than Creeptoons. I have a special infinity for this Video due to it’s Old School Throw Back Theme to the 1980’s Oddity known as Video Dating. I can Identify with the Theme simply because I’m Old as Fuck and grew up with what is Now Considered Primitive Caveman Technology in this case VCRS/VHS Cassette . Anyway there is a bit of Explaining to do for Those who aren’t aware of the reference so here goes.

You see before Computers gave Birth to the Internet, and the Internet subsequently giving Birth to Social Media the World of Video Dating was Far fucking Different than it is Nowadays. Before Dating Sites like Match.com (or Slick Dating Apps with Their Swipe Lefts and Rights) Video Dating was based on Much More Archaic Tech in the VCR and VHS Video Cassettes. You see back before even DVDs were Invented Dating was a Grueling Grind. Without Today’s Dating Connivence Technology People had to Actually leave Their fucking House, Drive to a Physical Location, and Meet People Face To Face. Now the Only Options Outside of literally going out and Searching for Someone to Connect were Personal Ads and Video Dating.

                   

The Personal Ads were Sort of Shady like Today’s Craiglist, Completely Impersonal ,Basic as Fuck, and Considered More or Less a fucking Joke. Then came the VCR and a whole New Avenue in the Dating World was Born. There were Video Dating Business where Someone Unlucky in Love could Go and Record a Short Dating Video Testimonial. In Their Video People would Talk Directly to the Camera about All the Cliche Dating Happy Horseshit. You know like What Their Looking for in a Significant Other, Their Likes/Dislikes, Jobs, Hobbies Blah Blah Blah Bullshit.

The the Agency would then Circulate the Dating Videos around Their Other Clientele looking for a Possible Match. Clients would be Supplied with an Assortment of Dating Video Selections by the Video Dating Company that They could watch in the Comfort of Their Own Home. If indeed Their was a Person Who’s Video Someone Else liked Theyd Tell the Video Dating Service, and the Video Dating Service would approach the Person in Question to see if an Actual Real World Date could be Arranged. Video Dating Services were Basically the Pimps of Dating back in those Days. If You think Video Dating back n the day was Absurd, Asinine, Odd, and Insane You’d be Exactly fucking Right.

Plot: CVDS (Creeptopia’s Video Dating Service) Connecting Creeptopia’s sexiest singles “One Creep at a Time” using the latest in VHS technology.

Creeptoons Video Dating Episode 2

Plot: Here’s a second batch of bachelors and bachelorettes. CVDS (Creeptopia Video Dating Service) is committed to connecting Creeptopia’s sexiest singles.

Thanks For Watching,

   Presented By Les Sober  

Shits and Giggles: I Am Your Grandma

Welcome to a little midweek madness featuring I Am Your Grandma by  multimedia artist and filmmaker Julian Mayer. I Am YOUR Grandma is an manic autobiographical video diary if you will that Mayer recorded for her unborn grandchildren. By posting the video on YouTube, she conducts a sociological  study of why people feel compelled to share their personal lives with a entire world made up of anonymous strangers, and whether this sharing affects the actual emotional significance of the video itself. I Am Your Grandma challenges notions of one’s self-perception of mortality, social media, and  one’s legacy after they succumb to death. This video is a grim reminder we never live as long as we’d like.

See you on the other side,

  Otto Rageous  

For Shits and Giggles : Where’s The Baby

So another motherfucking Monday is upon us trying to monopolize the course of our week! So to combat the bullshit here is todays FYB post featuring WHERE’S THE BABY by Spine_apples who describes their work as “shitty animation man”. I say their because I don’t think just because the word “man” appears in the quote that it’s an indicator to the sex of the animator. Anyway this 1 minute and 42 seconds of insane absurdity (that granted has a surprisingly funny but kind of grim ending) should serve as a fucking  universal public service announcement for all parents currently on the planet.

PSA: DEAR PARENTS THIS IS HOW THE REST OF THE WORLD SEES YOU. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS SO CUT THE CRAP.

Later,

Justine Sane

My Two Cents On Three Subjects.

Since Mondays can be a Little Mind Muddling I figured I’d Keep it Simple and Give You My So-Called Two Cents on Three Separate Subjects. The Topics are divided into the following Categories Not So Current Events, Morbid & Murderous, and Utter Absurdity for Absurdity’s Sake. Feel Free to Discuss Them with Your Friends, Family, Co-Workers, and General Public since Americans use Their fucking Smart Phones instead of Their Actual Smarts. The Bottomline is the “Smarter” the Phone the fucking Stupider the User Becomes as They’re Dumbed Down to Moronic Levels but I digress. Without further ado Let’s get Started.

     

No So Current Events:

I have purposefully tried to Avoid Posting about the Global COVID Pandemic for a Myriad of fucking Reasons, But there is One fucking thing I just Can NOT Stay Silent About. The Pandemic Hot Button Topic I am going to Address here is Kids Going Back To School. Now I’m not here for an In-depth fucking discussion of Kids, School, and all the Usual Bullshit since We all Know why school is Important and that Socialization is Vitally Important so I refuse to Beat a Dead Horse.

My Issue Lies Solely with the Parents. As We are all more than aware Parents are fucking Notorious for Bombarding Other People They encounter with Stories, Pictures, Videos, Social Media Posts, and General Bullshit about Their fucking Kid(s). They spout cliche shit like

  • “Children are a True Blessing”
  • “Having a Kid/Kids Changes Your Life Forever”
  • “Raising Kids is the Greatest Accomplishment One can Accomplish.”
  • “If You Don’t have a Kid/Kids Then You Just Don’t Understand.”
  • “It’s a Shame They Grow Up So Fast.”
  • “Their (Kids) are Angels here to Enlighten Your Life.”
  • “Children are the Future.”
  • “Anything for the Kids.”
  • “I’d Die before I let anything Bad happen to a single Hair on My Child’s Head.”

                  

Along with an Arsenal of Other Parental Wisdoms They Intend  to spread to the Four fucking Corners of the fucking Earth. This Overwhelming Desire to Subjugate the Rest of the World Population to Their Parenting Bullshit seems to be EXTREMELY HYPOCRITICAL in the Age of Covid. When it came to Opening Schools/Sending Kids back to School during an Ongoing Global Pandemic at First Parents were Wary as They damn well Should Be, but then there was a MONUMENTAL ATTITUDE SHIFT among Parents as the Months Rolled On By. Then all of a Sudden One Day the Topic of Kids actually Viably and Safety returning to School Exploded like a fucking Powder Keg across America.

The Next thing Anyone Knew Parents were EVERYWHERE Online, Social Media, and TV Whining Ironically like Bratty Kids about How Much They Wanted Their Kids Back At School. This simple above all had nothing to do with what’s Best for the Kids but What the Aggravated Parents wanted Do to Quarantine. Basically Parents where SICK AND TIRED of having Their Kids with Them in Quarantine and were Blatantly Pushing the School Opening so Their Kids would be SOMEONE ELSE’S PROBLEM. Its fucking astounding How Parents in America Act like They’re Entitled to having The Educational System Raising THEIR fucking Kids for Them. It took just a Matter of Months before Parents couldn’t get Away from Their fucking Kids Fast Enough, and to make it worse where All Over the Place Whining About it like Assholes. Also this is fucking shitty because NOT ONLY are You willing to put Your Child, Yourself, Friends, Family, Teachers, and School Staff in Harms Way (could Result in Their DEATH) because KIDS BECAME TOO INCONVENIENT FOR THEIR PARENTS.

Now the ONLY People You should Listen to in an Emergency especially if its fucking Life or Death to THE EXPERTS Not the Media, Social Media Mob, or Online Idiots and Assholes. I’ll just make My Point by saying if I had a Child or Children During this Covid-19 Pandemic I WOULDN’T SEND THEM TO SCHOOL UNTIL ALL TEACHERS AND SCHOOL STAFF ARE VACCINATED, AND THE CDC SAYS IT’S OK. Parents were Literally Gambling with Their Kids (Along with Theirs and Others) Lives because They were Aggravated by Their Supposedly Precious Little Angels. The Hypocrisy was/is Absolutely fucking Astounding that People would Praise Their Kids Until They wanted a Break From Them then All Bets are Off as it were.

MORBID AND MURDEROUS: HOW TO DISPOSE OF DEAD NINJAS

The Most Effective way to Remove and Transport The Corpse of a Dead Ninja is to Simply Cut it Up into 6 Separate Pieces. The You Place the Torso on the Bottom, Fold the Legs and Place Them on Top of the Torso. Next You fold and Place the Arms on Top of the Legs, and Then Lastly Place the Head like the Cherry on a Sunday made of Human Flesh.

You can NOT Burn a Body of a Dead Ninja Properly to Dispose of it. Only a Professional Crematorium has the Equipment Needed to Incinerate an Entire Human Corpse. To Fully dispose of a Human Corpse (with the Exception of small Pieces of Left over Bone) You need a Heat Source of 2,700 Degrees Fahrenheit for Several Hours. This can Not be Accomplished by Dousing the Corpse in a Flammable Fluid and setting it Ablaze.

When Disposing of the Corpse of a Dead Ninja in a Body of Water can be Much Trickier than Most People would Think. The Problem is Bodies Bloat which means They will Float like a Motherfucker, and They Rot so They tend to break free and Float to the Surface. The Issue is when the Human Body starts to Decay it Swells with Gases like a fucked up Cadaver Balloon making it Buoyant. The First method to handle this Problem would to Stab the Corpse just below the Heart to Slice Open the Stomach. This way the Gases can’t Build Up and Increase the Chance of the Bodie becoming a Floater. The Problem with this is Anchoring the Body is still an Issue. You see Crabs, Fish, and Other Aquatic Life feed on the Rotting Flesh until the Body starts to come apart. So if you Anchored the Body with Chains (around the hands and Feet) sooner or later due to Time or Animals will Decay away, and thus the Body can be moved about by Weather or Currents. The most Effective way to Dispose of a Corpse in a Body of Water is to Wrap Chicken Wire Around it from Head to Toe mind You so You’ll Need a Rather Large Piece. This way when the Body Starts to Bloat the Chicken Wire will Lacerate the Rotten Flesh Not only Releasing the Built Up Gas but Also Keeping the Body Tightly Secured within the Chicken Wire.

One of the MOST EFFECTIVE AND TABOO ways to Dispose of a Dead Ninja’s Body is to Actually Eat the Evidence, and then Grind Down the Leftover Bones into Dust. No Body No Crime.

UTTERLY ABSURD:

This is The Semi Annual Podunkville Turkey Vulture Report. The Tirkey Vulture Road Kill Clean Up Crews are Seriously Lacking resulting in an Overall Rating at the Time of this Evaluation a Solid D. If You are in the Podunkville area and See a Turkey Vulture Please tell it in Your most Assertive Voice to “GO BACK TO WORK YOU FUCKING BUM!” We suggest You do this from an EXTREMELY SAFE DISTANCE or Optimally from the Confines of a Motor Vehicle. This is Specifically for Your Safety as Turkey Vultures are Rather Large Disagreeable Birds with Seriously Shitty Attitudes, and They are Armed with Razor Sharp Talons and Powerful Beaks.

Also Turkey Vultures are Known for Vomiting on Their Enemies primarily as a Defense Tactic, But You Know what They Say the Best Offense is a Good Defense. It  is also Unconfirmed as of Now, Yet Perturbed Turkey Vultures may try and Shit on You (as well as Vomit) when Confronted in what They perceive to be an Unkindly Manner. There is No Official Strike by the Turkey Vultures as of Yet and There are Rumors of Turkey Vultures succumbing to Anorexia. Whatever the Reason the Turkey Vultures of Podunkville need to return to Their Regularly Scheduled Scavenging as Soon as Possible before The Road become Littered with Carcasses, and Dominated by the Pungent Stench of Death and Decay.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober

I’ve Seen Some Stupid Shit But This Is A New One

This Story Starts a Short While before the 2020 Election when it was Revving Up to be the Total Post Election Shit Show it is Currently. One Day I had to Run a Mundane Errand that required that I Drive over to a Near by Neighboring Town. This is a frequent Side Effect of Living in a Town So Small it Only has one Single Traffic Light is it Requires that You Travel for a wide Variety of Reasons. The Main Reason being in a Small Town You have Limited Choices (and Certain Product Availability) so Traveling to a More Populated Area becomes Part of the Chore.

This Particular Drive is Quite Scenic as it Runs Through a Mix of Pine Forrests and Farming Fields with the Odd Small House/ Mobile Home sprinkled in Here and There. The Road as one might Imagine Qualifies as the Road Less Taken since You can Drive Miles before seeing Even One Other Car on the Road. Around the Midway Point of the Journey on the right side of the Road Across from a Empty Farmer’s Field is what appears at first to be a Viable Side Street or Road if You will. It is in fact The Top of someone’s Driveway You Can’t actually see the House from the Road because it’s Hidden in a You Guessed it One Forrest. What You can See is that approximately a Quarter Mile down this Long ass Driveway is a Large Cast Iron Gate Blocking. There’s 10 Foot Brown Stone Walls on Either Side of the Gate that Start about Ten Feet High and Taper off toward the Ground. I have No Idea what the Aesthetic Brown Stones are because I’m not a fucking Geologist, but They Look Halfway Decent.

         

Now as I Mentioned this was in the Pre 2020 Election and America was in a Chaotic Frenzy. Well on this particular Day as I drove by I Noticed the Residents had Placed 25-30 Elect Trump Yard Signs about Four Feet Apart Down both sides of their Driveway.  It was Overkill in Every Sense of the Word. Now We Fast Forward the Election is Over, Biden has Been Certified by the Electoral Collage, and its been a Month and a Half Past Election Night. So the Next Time I had to had to Run an Errand Out that Way it was No Real Surprise that the Elect Trump 2020 Yard Signs had been Removed. Now on the Way into Town I Noticed a Excessively Large Banner Displayed at the Top of the Same Property where the Elect Trump 2020 signs had Previously been. I noticed it too Late to see what it Said, but I decided that right then and there that on the Way Back I would Most Definitely Find out what this Banner was all About.

On the Way Back I made sure to Slow Down (which is Easy to do on a Road with Virtually no Traffic as I mention Earlier) so I could take in the Banner in its Entirety and What I saw I found Absolutely Dumbfounding. At the Top Half of the Banner on a Dark Navy Background it Said in Big Block Letter in all Caps “TRUMP SIGN THIEVES” and there was a Phone Number displayed Under it also in Big Ass Font. The Bottom Half consisted of 3 Pictures of Three Different Cars of the Suspected Sign Thieves Vehicles, but We’ll get back to that in a Minute. It was Painfully and Blatantly Obvious that the Home Owner was 1. Die Hard Trump Supporter 2. Was Pissed as Hell about Their Elect Trump 2020 Yard Signs being Stolen. What I want to Know is What the fuck do Does the Home Owner Expect to Happen pertaining to The Stolen Yard Sign Banner?

                  

I First thought to Myself Seriously How fucking Stupid since Yard Signs Run an Average of 97 Cents to Custom Make so This Person was Out a Whopping $48.50. This is Horribly Ironic since this Banner They had made cost Them a Couple Hundred Dollars so that 3-4 times as Much as the Cost of the Yard Signs. I just figure Out if You’re Pissed about being Out $50 Why the Hell would You then Invest a Couple Hundred in an Additional Banner? I may be Shitty at Math but Even I can tell You That Doesn’t Add Up. The Only Possibly Reason I could Muster was The Home Owner Truly Believed that the Stolen Yard Sign Banner would in deed Pay Off in the End. Still the Question Remained What was the Intention of the Home Owner since They are having a rather Extreme Reaction to the Theft of Their Shitty Elect Trump 2020 Year Signs?

This is My Hypothesis on this Oddly Absurd Situation. Once the Home Owner Saw the Signs were Stolen the Enraged Idiot(s) called the fucking Local Police and Reported it. The Cops basically Blew the Hoe Owner Off due to the Ridiculous Nature of the So Called Offense. Then the Pissed Off Assholes decided They would have to take Matter into Their Own Hands with Their Bizarre Brand of Vigilante Justice. They then had to Spend some Time coming up with a Course of Action and in The End They settled on Big Ass Bullshit Banner. Next They had to go to a Graphics Shop and have the Banner made and again Pay a Few Hundred Dollars for it. After that They returned Home and Erected the Batshit Banner at the Top of Their Driveway, and I assume are Still Waiting for the Banner to yield Results.

At this Point I’d like to Readdress the 3 Large Blown Up Pictures of the Alleged Sign Thieves Vehicles. The First Thing I’d like to Address is the Fact that These Pictures are so Shitty and Off Point its fucking Mind Boggling. What I mean is all Three Picture are Utterly Useless since NO INFORMATION can be deduced from Them. You See Each Picture Failed to Catch the Car’s License Plate which is in the Second Chapter of “The Big Book of Duh”.  Since all the Photos are Shot at Insanely Strange Angles You also have No Chance to possible See the Driver or Anyone Else Who Might be in the Car. For all Intents and Purposes the Pics look like they were taken by a Drone that was being Operated by The Clueless Village Idiot. I say this because Not Only  all the Car Photos Void of Any Pertinent Information Whatsoever the Picture seem to have been taken From Above at Random Angles. It’s Almost as if the Camera was Basically Shooting Down from Above the Cars.

Not to Mention the Fact The Home Owner had Photos (as Shitty as They Were) actually had Photos since where the fuck was the Camera Located in the First Place? With a Vast and Empty FArmer’s Field across the Road from the Property there is No Where to Attach any Type of Camera since Theres Literally Nothing to Attach it too. This Must Mean the Camera would have to have Been Mounted on the Same side of the Street as the Home Owner’s Property. The Issue there is again Where was the Camera Located? My Wife Theorized the Pictures were Caught by a Security Camera at the Gate. The Problem with that is as I said the Gate is a Quarter Mile Down from the Road, and since the Yard Signs were running down the Sides of the Main Road the Camera couldn’t see Shit to take a Picture.

                  

The Next Option would have been the Most Likely in Most Cases. We live in a Rural ass Area where Hunting and Fishing are as Big as Professional Sports, and Most Hunters Use Motion Activated Trail Cameras to Surveil Perspective Hunting Territory for Game. Thus it would make the Most Sense if Someone mounted a Trail Camera or Perhaps Several to the Pine Trees that Comprise the Forrest on the Home Owner’s Property. The Only Problem with the Stolen Sign Situation is a Trail Camera Would Have to be Mounted at the Same Hight as the Cars, and Not 15 feet up the Trunk of the Tree since its Motion Activated (and You’d want to Photograph Cars Not Birds Flying in the Distance). Thats How I came to the Only Reason I could Think of which is it was a Drone Camera but Who fucking Knows.

As for the Intent of the Banner I am Equally as Clueless as I still can’t Deduct what the fuck the Home Owner thinks is going to Happen as a Result of Their Banner? The Police aren’t going to be of any Assistance due to it being No Where Near a Priority, and The Only Evidence is the Three aforementioned Crappy Photos a 3 Cars that contain Nothing of Value as far as Information. So is the Home Owner Honestly expecting that some Stranger Driving down the Main Road Outside of their Property, See the Banner, and Somehow be Able to Identify One of the Cars. This is Already a Never Going to Happen Hell or High Water Situation, but I’ll Play Devil’s Advocate for the Sake of Argument.

                

Let’s Say Someone did see the Banner and All That the Home Owner is Banking on that Person Giving as Big as a Shit about the Stolen Signs as the Owner. The Stranger would have to be Equally as Enraged over a Case of Stolen Yard Signs to even Give a Shit. If it were Me and I saw the Banner and Actually Knew One of the Cars (“Oh Shit Thats Phil’s Car!”) the Next time I saw the Car Owner I’d tell Him how Hilarious I find the Whole thing and Way to Go. Point Being the Last damn thing I’d do is call the Number on the Sign I simply wouldn’t Say Shit. Lastly even if the Home Owner found Out Who the Cars Belong To fuck are They Going to Do? There’s really No Legal Recourse (just ask the Cops who were annoyed by the Reporting of this Piddly Shit) so They could Only do One of Two Things.

Option One is to Tell Everyone around since Word Travels fast in a Small Town where Everybody Knows Everybody. This would be to Call the Culprit Out and Publicly Shame Them in the Eyes of Their Friends, Family, and Community (Most of Which are Avid Church Goers so “Thou Shall Not Steal’). I also Suppose in this Day and Age They could do the Same by Talking Shit on Social Media to Vent as well as Call Out the Guilty Party. If the Home Owner is a real Dicks They could Go Over to the Alleged Guilty Person’s Residence and Address the Matter Face to Face. This would Not be a Safe Decision since the Home Owner Would Either End Up In Jail for Showing Up and Acting like a World Class Asshole or For Killing the Supposedly Guilty Person. That or They End up Getting Shot, Beaten to a Bloody Pulp  or Killed Themselves. Anyway You Slice it it Always Ends Badly for the Idiotic Home Owner. So the Question Remains the Same: What the Fuck is the Point?

Besides it being an Utter Absurdity of the Situation I’m just Relieved it s something Entertaining instead of Asinine. I mean at Least it wasn’t a Situation like This Old Cranky Bastard that Lives in My Neighborhood Who is Still Flying His Elect Trump Flag like an Absolute Asshole.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober