Tag: hybrid cars

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (49/365)

The Driver walked around the Smart Car with Purpose, opened the Door, leaned in, checked the Charge Level for the Battery, and then walked Smugly back over to Dizzy.

“The Car has a Healthy 70% Charge Currently so We should be Fine.” said The Driver being a Passive Aggressive little shit.

“YOU DIDN’T ASK WHERE THE FUCK WE ARE GOING ASSHOLE!” Screamed Dizzy Now Fully Enraged with His Face turning Such a Deep Shade of Crimson. The Veins in His Neck stuck out like the Steel Cables of a Suspension Bridge as Sweat Started to trickle down Dizzy’s Face and into HIs Eyes.

“Sir You told the Dispatcher when You called for the Ride. The Dispatcher then Radioed Me, and Told Me where I could pick You up at, as well as where Your Destination so I could Determine if I wanted to take the Calls o to speak.” said the Guy smirking Triumphantly in full on Gloat Mode.

“FINE! I Digress on the Issue of Battery Life in that Glorified Bumper Car with Wheels You’r sporting there Sport.” respond Dizzy Vindictively fancily wiping the growing amount of sweat out of His eyes.

       

“I do have a Question though.” Lee said Speaking Up for the First time during the Ongoing War of the Smart Car, but He knew He needed Dizzy to chill the fuck out for Christ’s sake.

If Dizzy didn’t Relax He was bound to fucking have a Massive Embolism, Fall on His face Dead right there on the fucking Sidewalk. Lee didn’t have any real set Plans other than bumming around with Dizzy for Shits and Giggles, Yet He was pretty fucking sure HE didn’t have time to do with a Medical Emergency that Ended Promptly in a Fatality.

“Yes Sir how may I Best Address Your Question?” asked The Driver politely as He had no issue with Lee who again had been standing quietly in the Background. It wasn’t Lee’s fault His buddy was a being Completely Batshit Crazy for No real reason other than He apparently seemed to find issue with every fucking thing He came across. Ok well thought the Driver to Himself it did Say a little Something about Lee which was He had shitty taste in Friends. Still Bad Taste wasn’t a Crime.

           

“Well We are 3 grown Adults, and Your Smart Car can only accommodate 2 Adults at Best. So wouldn’t that result in You having to Drive each one of US to Our destination One at a fucking Time? That and if You have to Drive Us Separately then that will Tax Your Battery Double fucking Time which would Require You to Stop and Recharge between Trips?!” Lee questioned doing HIs best Not to come off like a Dick.  He figured it was Safe to Assume at this point if The Driver had an Issue with Him Too He’d get bent and Bounce leaving the Two of Them Stranded with Their preverbal cocks in Their Hands.

“HOLY SHIT! I was so pissed that You had the absolute lack of common fucking sense since the Dispatcher called You with the Specifics of The Job! They had to have told You that You’d be picking up 2 Passengers right? Two Grown fucking Adults, Not a couple of Circus Midgets or a Pair of Quadruple Amputees?! NO THEY DIDN’T YOU GODDAMN DICK!” said Dizzy getting louder as He spoke apparently on the Verge of Launching The Second War of the Smart Car.

          

“The Dispatcher did inform Me that there would be 2 passengers that is True, but I figured You two could simply just sit on each others Laps I mean its not that long a Drive. According to My GPS it says the Crystal Diner is 17 minutes way.” respond The Driver cockily as if HE had just solved the World’s Most complex Brain Teaser.

“Sit on Each other’s Lap ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS YOU Snide Little Man Child Fuck, I’m Not paying My hard earned Cash to Ride around sitting on My Friends fucking Lap like a Little fucking Kid!” Snapped Dizzy Harshly nearly Hitting His Breaking Point.

“You could have Your Friend here sit on Your Lap if that Suits You Better Sir.” suggested the Driver jokingly trying to Lighten the Mood as Now He was getting nervous that Dizzy would simply Murder the Shit out of Him, Steal His Cash, and Drive off in His Smart Car regardless of His Loud Mouthed Bullshit Temper Tantrum on the Subject.

            

“DO YOU WANT TO DIE?! DO YOU? DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING DIE RIGHT HERE OUTSIDE THIS SHITTY OLD HOTEL/APPARTMENT BUILDING?! Obviously I’m not going to fucking Pay You to have My fucking Friend sit on MY LAP IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE Who sitting on Who COME THE FUCK ON!” seethed Dizzy through His teeth which were so Clenched they were beginning to Grind making a very Disturbing Sound like some object that has been pushed to it limit, and it was just a matter of Seconds before it Snapped Splintering into Fragments.

Stay Tuned For The Next Flabbergasting Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHERS

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Treacherous Toyota and Prius Propaganda

10 years ago Toyota introduced the World to The Prius, and simultaneously perpetrated one of the greatest Scams the American Public has ever known. Toyota struck with the Prius right as the GIANT FUCKING MONSTROSITY SUV craze was dwindling due to rising gas prices at the time.

Also people still felt guilt as hell about their part in fucking over the Earth with their glutinous consumerism so the terms “Going Green” and “Carbon Footprint” were just taking hold as they slowly entered the American Lexicon.

So of course Toyota formulated a 3 Prong Attack strategy to get as much as possible from their new vehicular sensation. Toyota wasn’t fucking around either, they were going for the Long Haul.

The first Point in Toyota’s 3 Point Plan was the most obvious which was to capitalize on Prius Hybrid Hype like a son of a bitch. Toyota made sure as shit to Advertise and EXPLOIT THE SHIT OUT the unparalleled gas milage, and the interests of the new surge in Environmentally Conscious Customers.

Bottom Line: Toyota did its best to Flood the fucking market by getting as many Prius’s on the road as humanly possible. Toyota was effectively Force Feeding their Product to the American Customer. The word Hybrid was on the tip of everyones fucking tongue.

But really thats no fucking different than any other Car Manufacturer with Cars to sell. Nothing new there. Toyota luckily had hit the PR jack Pot, BUT as I said Toyota was in it for the Long Haul.

Toyota wanted not only to capitalize on the 1st series Prius’s they wanted to help cement the future sales of subsequent future Prius series.

Now we all know how much a Car Dealership fucking sucks. Their inconvenient as hell, and the Most EXPENSIVE when it comes to repairs. Toyota’s second part of their plan was much more devious than just selling the shit outta cars while pissing gas on the PR fire as it were.

Toyota moving quietly and staying of the Radar started to recruit any and all  graduating Mechanics who had been trained to work on hybrids to their Dealerships. See by poaching all the new hybrid mechanics Toyota set up a system that made the customer HAVE TO USE THE DEALERSHIP REPAIR SHOP because their were virtually NO HYBRID Mechanics working outside of a said Toyota Dealership.

The Bottom Line: Toyota was creating its own monopoly of Hybrid Mechanics.

Now the 3rd and final part of Toyota’s plan for longevity was the most underhanded yet. Now you have to remember that Hybrid Cars were a brand new technology, and like with anything new people were a bit afraid of it. The main thing that the Public seemed fixated on was the Hybrid’s High Voltage Battery.

In the Brain’s association game it hear High Voltage and immediately draws a parallel to the High Voltage wires that run along Telephone Poles and similar shit. We have all seen the bright orange warning signs before that read “DANGER HIGH VOLTAGE WIRES” usually with a Triangle with a lighting bolt zig zagging through it. SO right from the get go the fear factor is in play.

Toyota preyed upon this psychological fear until it reached an Urban Legend Level. The fear is pretty basic. Its the fear that some how or some way (especially if your a Auto Mechanic) will come in contact with the High Voltage Battery and electrocute themselves to an unpleasant death.

Yet like all things the fear evolved getting worse with each subsequent version. It got so out of control that it created paranoia through out the entire Automotive Mechanic Industry.

As if to say if a unfortunate Mechanic came in contact with the High Voltage Battery that he/she would be electrocuted to the point your skin burned. And your eyes explode as your intentions shoot out your ass like a fucking shot gun show down at the High Voltage Hacienda.

Not only that but due to the accident at hand the Mechanics entire extended family would contacts full blown Aids, their House would burn down, their car would blow the hell up,the mechanics friends would all die in horrible ways, and their dog would be picked up by Animal Care and Control and Euthanized.

Like I said this perpetuated fear of the High Voltage Battery not only urged the Public, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY it reenforced the idea Toyota had set out which was “Only a Trained Toyota Dealership Mechanic can Work Safely on a Prius. This discouraged the competition from even entertaining the idea of even trying to learn more or less work on Prius’s.

The GOOD NEWS is Toyota’s Hybrid Mechanic Monopoly and the Age of High Voltage Battery Paranoia is slowly but definite End. Now that a growing variety of Toyota’s competitors have Hybrids of their own Toyota is no longer Unique.

Also the issue with the poaching of Hybrid Mechanic Grads is phasing it self as well. As more and more future and graduating Mechanics get into the Hybrid repair field Toyota can’t hire them all. Not enough money and, not enough Toyota Dealerships to continue an on going attempt to preserve the dying monopoly.

Well some cliches are cliches for a reason (their true) and Toyota learned that with the clique “All Good Things Must Come To An End.”

  Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober