One cool fall night in ancient Greece Socrates was sitting in the kitchen of his new luxury condo sipping wine. Socrates was thinking to himself how egotistical Pluto had become since they named a planet after him when a unknown peasant came barreling through his front door. The peasant was in the middle of a righteous panic attack without his Xanax so Socrates helped the peasant calm down using philosophical controlled breathing techniques. Once the man had regained his composure Socrates asked him what the hell barging into his home was all about.
Socrates: Whats your name bud and how can I help you this lovely evening in ancient Greece?
Peasant: My name is Phil and I implore you PLEASE HELP ME! I don’t know SHOULD I SHIT OR GO BLIND?!
Socrates: What seems to be the issue at hand Phil my man???
Peasant: I have a question, the most vitally important question, I can’t afford to be wrong! I went to the Oracle of Delphi to find out who the smartest man in the WORLD is and she said it was you Socrates.
Socrates: I’m a bit confused as to why the Oracle told you it was me, but being a philosopher I’m pretty laid back. So heres whats gonna go down Phil. First I going to whip up a pot of chamomile Tea and then I’m going to go see what is the Oracle’s major malfunction . Phil my friend while I’m away you can just hangout and chill here at my condo. The WiFi is shit since it hasn’t been invented yet BUT my High Def television is insane so check out the olympics and shit.
Phil thanked Socrates for his time and attention in this matter as well as his kick ass hospitality. Socrates then put the ankle express in action and headed off to converse with the Oracle about what in the name of Zeus what was going on. It took Socrates quite a long while to reach the Oracle’s Studio apartment located at the top of a mountain, and the subway was closed due to being flooded by the underlying river Styx. Finally Socrates made it and politely knocked on the Oracle’s door because unlike Phil the peasant he had manners.
Oracle: Come on in its open, just take a seat on the couch and I’ll be right with you as soon as I’m done this conference call with the Gods!
Socrates: Z’up Oracle its just me Socrates.
Oracle: Socrates good to see you as Leonardo da Vinci hasn’t invented social media yet. Tell me what can I do for you as I’m an Oracle with a direct line to the Gods.
Socrates: Well I was relaxing at home a few days ago when this crazed guy named Phil came crashing through my door babbling incessantly about having a HUGE problem, and I’m the smartest man in the fucking world so I’m obligated to provide Phil with the answer. I mean I’m lost on this one.
Oracle: Oh hell yeah I remember Phil he was a anxious and fidgety fellow he was. Yeah he came to me to find out who the smartest man in the world was because Phil had an extremely important question. It was an easy answer to the question for me its you Socrates, your the smartest man in the world.
Socrates: WHAT THE FUCK! Oracle what the fuck is wrong with you man? Why you telling people I’m the smartest fucker in the world as we fucking know it here in ancient Greece?! Oracle no disrespect motherfucker but your WRONG, I’m NOT the smartest man in the world or any fucking where for that matter! I DON’T KNOW SHIT! I Socrates DON’T KNOW ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL! I KNOW NADA! So why, why are you telling people that smartest man shit, I really don’t dig the idea of frantic people crashing through my front door! You know how much that shit would end up costing me? I don’t as I don’t have any idea how our ancient Greek monetary system works!
Oracle: Socrates take a deep breath and count to ten, and I’ll explain things for you. See Socrates the fact is by ADMITTING you KNOW NOTHING that makes you the smartest man in the entire world.
Theres a fucking twist for you. Think about it for a minute.
