The Walls of Dizzy’s cramped Apartment were caked in layers of overlapping Dust combined with an ample amount of Dirt. The Light coming through the Windows had an Oddly Orange Tinge to it from the Thick Layers of Cigarette Smoke that had Coated the Glass over time. Dizzy had wildly plastered a Handful of Posters across the Dingy Walls in a Extremely Manic Fashion.
There was a Promotional Poster for Budweiser complete with the Trade Mark Clydesdale Horses bounding through the Snow with the Budweiser Wagon in Tow. There was a Black Light Poster of an Alien Smoking Pot using an Astronaut’s Helmet as an Impromptu Intergalactic Bong. Then there was the Poster of the Self Proclaimed Devil Worshipping DJ MC SATANIC D eating Dinner Outside while fondly looking at Trump (and His Administration) Impaled on Wooden Pikes. Obviously the Poster had been a Tribute of Sorts or Paying Morbid Homage to The Historical and Homicidal Vlad The Impaler.
Across from the Large Windows on the Opposite side of the Apparent was a Small make shift Kitchen straight out of Any Collage Dorm USA. There was a Mini Fridge that Housed nothing but Beer. There was Microwave perched on Top of the Mini Fridge that looked like if You ate anything that came out of it You’d contract a Super Strain of E-Coli and Literally Shit Yourself Inside Out. There was a Sink and Counter combo that looked like it had been Stolen Out of a Classic Vintage Volkswagen RV or Perhaps Salvaged from a Mobile Home Trailer Fire.
Lee got off the Crap Covered Couch and started to walk around the Cluttered Confines of the Apartment looking for the Bathroom as the Vast Amounts of Beer He had consumed earlier was Battering the Hell out of His Bladder. Lee located the Bathroom without issue and having once Entered the Bathroom Lee really wished to Hell He Hadn’t. The Bathroom was Unbelievably Horrible and Seriously Sickening. It was so Bad it made a fucking Truck Stop Restroom look like a Sterile Operating Room by Comparison.
The Bathroom Fan was Broken and there wasn’t a Window so there was No Ventilation so entering the Bathroom the First thing Lee had to deal with was Stagnant Staleness in the Air. The Bathroom Sink smelled like a fucking Arena Urinal from all of Dizzy’s intoxicated and fucked up Friends Pissing in it rather using the Toilet. The Mirror above the Sink had been Smashed by Either a Person’s Fist or Face, but it was impossible to tell at this Point though there were still trace amounts of Blood on it.
The Toilet which had once been Sterling White was now an Industrial Shade of Grey Tagged with a Slew of Black Streaks of Varying size. It appeared at Some Point Someone who more than likely was Intoxicated came into the Bathroom probably wearing Boots, and for some reason took Acceptation to the Toilet and Tried to Kick it into Pieces. Alas Due to being Intoxicated the Angry Assailant’s Kicks couldn’t actually connect with the Toilet to cause any real Damage. It Appeared that Instead the Furious Kicks just Scuffed the Toilet as They Glanced Off over and over.
Lee strode up to the Toilet, unzipped His Fly, whipped His pecker Out, and Noticed a Hand Written Sign stuck on the Wall above the Toilet with a piece of Black Electrical Tape. The Writing Scrawled on the Paper read “HEY YOU ASSHOLE! DON’T FLUSH YOUR PUSSY PLUGS, DEPOSIT IN TUB.” Lee could only assume the Term Pussy Plug was a Crude reference to Tampons, and He immediately Zipped Up and Walked out of the Bathroom without even Using it (or looking behind the Tattered Scum Coated Shower Curtin).
Be Sure To Tune In Next Week for The Next Insanity Laced Installment of………
LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (45/365)
Thank for Reading,
By Les Sober (12:46am)