Tag: interstate move

Our Exodus From The Great Southern Swamp Once & For All

As all these stories start we woke at dawn (or the ass crack off dawn for my fellow non morning friends) and proceeded to try to drink Dunkin Doughnuts out of coffee. We had to wait until 11 am before we could pick up the small army of Uhaul trailers the reason being our Slumlord wouldn’t allow us to park the vehicles in the parking lot overnight like an asshole. So we set out to finish “Tidying Up” and do last minute patching, painting and deep cleaning while we waited. I don’t personally have the patience to wait which is why I hate waiting. Patience is a virtue I was born without.

Finally we get the Uhauls lined up out front of the office and for the next 4 hours did nothing but load the trucks up one after the other. We then packed up our office animal and put rubber to asphalt. Just our luck The Great Southern Swamp had one more fuck you for us as we made our final escape. The entire east side of The Great Southern Swamp was hit with a series of brutal tropical storms. The storms were so intense you couldn’t see the tail lights of the car 6 feet in front of you thus slowing down our progress severely. After battling the tropical storms for almost 8 hours we crossed the state line leaving the Great Southern Swamp looming in our review mirrors.

The rest of the trip to the Southern Country went relatively smooth in spite of god knows how many fueling stops, bathroom breaks and other minor difficulties. We reached our new home office (which since moving have decided to dub “The Black Lodge” a tribute to the band Anthrax, what I told you I’m older than dinosaur shit?!) a little past 3 am and were needless to say exceptionally glad to have reached our destination and get the hell off the road. As we started to unload My Wife suddenly informed me the only key we had was missing. We stumbled around road weary and some what sleep deprived (everyone was excited about the move so no one really got any thing resembling actual sleep) looking in vain for the lost key. It was the brought to my attention there was a back up emergency key stashed about 30 minutes away. Not thrilled in the least my Wife and I got in our car, leaving the kids (staff) and critters on the front porch of The Black Lodge. Once we reached the house where our emergency key was at we had to enter the code given to us by the owner to shut off the security alarm. Needless to say in our delirious state we instead of shutting the alarm off we set it off. I can not begin to describe the sound this alarm made it was not only deafening (even with your fingers in your ears so far their tickling your brain) and disorienting in it self. It was so insanely loud we actually could think coherently, it was like the kind of shit the police/military/government agencies do when they blast music to end a standoff.

I managed to hold my shit together long enough to clock the alarm company’s phone number off the alarm box and ran across the street to call them. The alarm company was cool as shit and the problem was taken care of, well that one at least. My Wife then went in to retrieve our emergency key and I shit you not it wasn’t there. I then tried to contact the owner which took awhile being at that point it was around quarter to 4 in the morning. I did catch up with the owner in the end who then informed me they had our key with them. The only issue with that was the owner was on vacation in motherfucking Las Vegas which obviously left us high and dry.

With no other option my Wife and I got back in the car once again and headed back to The Black Lodge. Once we arrived we informed the Kids (Staff) we would be sleeping in the same vehicles we were so happy to get out of in the first fucking place. Fortunately that would only translate to approximately 4 hours or so because it turned out our contractor still had a copy of our key which we retrieved at 8:30 am the next day.

All in All it seems like a fitting end to our chapter in The Great Southern Swamp and our the start of our new chapter here in The Southern Country.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober

 

To Our Readers Our Absence Explained

I would like to apologize to our faithful readers for the vanishing act. I’m aware that we here at f-yourblog.com were committed to doing our best to increase new content, and we still are. I know it seems ridiculous that once we here at f-yourblog.com started to ramp up content all of a sudden everything came to s sudden halt. I feel that I owe our reader’s an explanation for this counter productive seeming behavior.

I have almost completed an out of state move (and as we all know moving is a bitch from beginning to end), but it was overdue and utterly necessary. I set down roots in the Great Souther Swamp for the past 13 plus years, and shit is getting way to far fucking outta hand. The quite blue collar family oriented town I moved to 6 years ago (which I made because I was already in The Great Southern Swamp and moved farther north to avoid an increase in chaos.)

Now unfortunately the small family town I grew to love has as of recently been falling the fuck apart. The cops used to be bored as hell driving aimlessly up and down the main road. Things have definitely changed for the fucked. People are getting stabbed to death and cannibalized in their own fucking homes, Uber drivers are raping their fares, and there shoot outs infant of Home Depot and Walmart (both a 5 minute drive from my house.)

So Heres a run down of events of the move:

  1. Obviously for number one was my wife and I deciding it was time, but weren’t being pro active (this went on for 18 months)
  2. My wife was tooling around on reality sites and stumbled across an interesting possibility.
  3. My Wife found a house listed for $70,000, BUT it needed approximately $60,000 of work to bring it to a proper house.
  4. The house had been sitting on the market for 1 year already before we came across it.
  5. NOW the plan for the move my wife and I formulated was A) to buy a house for cash so the banks can fuck off and take their mortgages with them. B) NO HOA’s I’ve had more than enough of the extortion which is an HOA.
  6. So my wife and I made an impromptu trip to the Palmetto state to look at the house.
  7. We decided our strategy was to low ball the shit out of the owner, and were willing to go up to $60,000 cash but not a fucking penny more.
  8. We met the seller’s reality agent who struck me as a bit ditzy and quite incompetent. ( in all do favor this house was located outside of her territory so to speak.)
  9. The house was about what we expected and mad an shitty offer of $50,000 to try and exploit the seller’s problems (see and her family moved 2 towns over BUT she still had to pay taxes on the property, and the house had been sitting on the market a year without a single offer.)
  10. The seller responded with a so called counter reducing the sale price $1,000 to $69,000
  11. The counter was as shitty as our offer so we came up to $51,500 because I’m wasn’t coming up significantly because it would compromise my position.
  12. This bullshit tit-for-tat  game went on for 10 days before my wife and I walked. The house has since had several price reductions and no interest. The house is currently off the market as of now.)
  13. My wife and I went home and started scouring the reality sites and compiled a hefty list of 20 different properties . We also hired a realtor.
  14. The realtor was a lazy and moronic ineffectual asshole so we let that useless son of a bitch go, and hired the biggest and best realtor in the area we were looking.
  15. The new realtor informed us that the house we were initially considering was in a SHITTY neighborhood. Apparently there was a white trash family that liked to get sloppy drunk and proceed to have knock down drag out fist fights. We also learned the small apartment building at the end of the street were constantly frequented by the police combating drug dealing/drug addicts.
  16. I was enraged, why the hell didn’t the seller’s reality agent tell us about the shit we were about to move to. Thank God we dodged that bullet. My wife believes the agent was just ignorant of the situation being out of her regular territory. I believe she was desperate to sell the house as the owner was an irrational and demanding lady whom she had been working for a year straight.
  17. My wife and I then took another trip to the Palmetto state with our list and met up with our reality agent.
  18. The reality agent warned us that the end of 2016 was different from the regular market at this time of year. Thats to say from November through December the housing market usually is slow because people are saving their cash for the holidays. This year though people were still actively and aggressively buying properties. Not only that but large reality corporations were also snatching up as many properties as fast as they possibly could.
  19. This unusual trend in the reality market was attributed to the simple fact with Trump taking office and no one having a clue what he would do were buying properties to be grandfathered into the 2016 criteria.
  20. To prove point #18 we would see a property on or off our list, and half the time by the time we showed up a day or less later the house would be under contract.
  21. Finally my wife and I decided on the purchase of a Lake House, and started negotiations.
  22. Now the house was a bank foreclosure which meant the bank owned it so we would be negotiating with the Bank (an institution) not a private seller (a person or persons).
  23. At first I was thrilled by this fact. I HATE negotiating with sellers because they think their family history in the house has monetary value. It does not as I’m buying your house and you take the memories with you.
  24. Unfortunately a Bank is the exact opposite. They have NO emotional attachment so they treat it only as a business deal. They don’t give a shit about the buyer they are there to make the Bank money.
  25. After a month or more of negotiating (and I use that term loosely as possible) the Bank had sat back without countering and shot down every offer we made.
  26. Then after the month of so called negotiations the Bank suddenly gave a real shit about the deal. The sale was done in 1/2 an hour.
  27. In spite of getting one hell of a good deal on the Lake House we knew there were repairs to be done before we could move in. Examples include replacing the A/C unit, replace the hot water heater, get appliances (there was no stove, kitchen sink or refrigerator) take a wall out, landscape the neglected yard etc.

That brings us to the bottomline:

Currently for the past 3 months every 2 weeks my wife and I have rented a Uhaul trailer and moved our belongings our selves. Why you might ask? Well we decided to move our selves because A) We wanted to save money B) I’m far too paranoid to turn over all my possessions to a complete stranger, I don’t have the faith. C) It allowed us the time to pack/ prep our current house and repair/fix up the new Lake House without rushing in an anxious panic.

Thusly I’ve been ping ponging between the 2 states every couple of weeks for as I said earlier several months. As you may suspect we have been battling Murphy’s Law the entire way as unsuspected issues/problems occurred. An example returning home from our last trip to the Lake House found our A/C wasn’t working, and in the end (considering resale value) we replaced the entire A/C, and got a decent deal at $4,500.

In all the chaos of the move I fully admit I have neglected f-yourblog.com, and believe me I’m not happy about that in the least. Yet I can only do so much in a day, and with the on going move I’ve been stretched thinner and thinner.

I here by promise our reader’s that by July 15th things here at f-yourblog.com will not only resume active