Tag: IT department

The Rule of 3 and How It Used to Be

What the fuck killed customer service I ask you?! It was a sudden death by any means, but a long lingering demise whose death rattle has yet to shake the bed. Its bad enough that now a days they have those goddamn Automated Messages calling to try and sell me shit. Back in the day at least I had some satisfaction at being able to tell an actual human to fuck off. Now what am I supposed to do? Insult the fucking thing by telling it it’s mother is a Tape Recorder that eats 8 track ass? Ok enough of that tangent now back to the point.

When I was growing up a great thing was there was NO Automated Anything, and that includes when one had to call  Customer Service for assistance. Today you have to deal with an Automated System that doesn’t understand what your saying, wastes 20 minutes of your time essentially going “I Don’t Understand” until your fucking insane, and then you get the option to speak to a living human being. Automation Menu’s aren’t the only change to Customer Service by a long shot.

Not only did I not have to deal with Automation Menus when I was younger, but the actual people I talked to were a far cry from the shit you have to deal with today. Back then the Customer Service Representatives damn well knew what Customer Service was. Look granted being in the Customer Service field fucking sucks big time because you have to spend 8 hours listing to people bitch and complain (or worse like curse you out or become insulting), but the fact is there are people who could and would do just that God bless them.

Its no secret that no matter what fucking job you have Cardiologist to Janitor at some point your going to have to Eat Shit (Its the same in  one’s personal life as well). Eating Shit is an unavoidable part of Life, theres nothing you can do about it but o just accept it and go on living for Christ’s Sake. I mean why do you think the saying “Eat Shit” is woven into our modern-day lexicon to begin with (there is also the prevalent saying “Shit Happens” as well don’t forget) It could be argued at this point in time that the phrase Eat Shit is a Lingual Icon. I know this post as stayed a bit here and there, but Sit Happens and if you don’t dig that then Eat Shit.

Now back to the point…..

For all those tuning in late or just skimming this post I’m writing about the difference between Old School Customer Service Vs. The Bullshit Customer Service of Today. As I mentioned at the beginning the first abomination is the Automated System which accomplishes nothing but wasting 20 to 30 minutes of your time as it simultaneously frustrating the Caller to the point of actual insanity. Then once the Caller has run the complete Automated Gauntlet they have the ability to talk to a living person.

The First Customer Service Rep. sounds like fucking Eeyorre the clinically depressed Donkey from Winnie the Pooh. I can picture the fuckers sitting slouched down inter seats, shoulders hunched over, eyes half open staring vacantly at a Computer Screen, just waiting to fucking die right there at work no less. A Caller then has to battle this emotionless and utterly unhelpful Pion’s (who’s more than likely making a noose out of their headset chord to hang themselves from the Florescent Soul Sucking office lights) monotone malarkey before the consent to allowing the Caller to speak to an alternate human being.

The Second Customer Service Rep. is some asshole who sounds like he’s bored out of his fucking mind, despises their job, and seems annoyed that the caller is bothering them. The Caller now must combat this Slacker Mentality while getting next to no where to the point The Caller feels as though they are just torturing themselves, and wonder is this shit worth it?!! If the Caller can get past this Snarky, Snide, and Often rather Rude individual asshole The Caller can advance to the next Customer Rep.

The Third Customer Rep turns out to be a throw back to the Golden Age of Customer Service. These Rep.’s are polite and professional, and this makes them extremely helpful as they can usually solve most problems rather quickly. If there is a larger issue at hand these Rep.’s will stay on the phone doing anything and everything they can until the problem is resolved. And even in the few rarer cases if after doing all they possible can to actually help a Caller they will leave you with a recommendation on how to further proceed because they really do want to help. The Rep.’s are the true blue backbone of the dying Customer Service Field, and Bless these Blissful Beings to the Four Corner’s of the Earth.

My final point is this the Companies that hire the first two types of Customer Service Reps to fucking begin with. Its enough bullshit to endure the Automated Assault, but then to follow it with yet another 2 shit shows. This is why I’m fucking sick of Big Companies/Corporations whining and crying like spoiled brats that there is no more Employee or Customer Loyalty. If you want more motherfucking money PROVIDE BETTER FUCKING CUSTOMER SERVICE, Because Without Customer’s Your No Longer a Business Man Your An UNEMPLOYED ASSHOLE.

Thanks For Reading,

Les Sober  

Definitive Proof Even Apple Doesn’t Know How The iCloud Actually Works

Note: The Gentlemen who left comment about how he was hacked resulting in the loss of years of work I’d like to dedicate this post to you.

A Couple of years ago when My Wife and I got new Smartphones we decided for safety reasons we would get the “Find My Fucking Phone For Me” App, BUT to do so one was required to sign up for the omnipresent mystery known as the iCloud (I believe the i stands for Idiotic) so we did just that. Everything was totally normal for the next couple of weeks as life continued unobstructed . Then one day I woke up, had my coffee, smoked a joint ,and then I picked up my phone to check one of my never ending lists of possible work projects and the list was gone. In fact all my lists had vanished along with all my work files from the last 2 1/2 years. I dropped my phone and ran to find our Iputts and all my work had disappeared there as well. I then began grabbing any and every linked  computer driven device in the entire house, but every device I checked was blank my work was now officially missing in action.

I called the Apple help line and explained that I’m very pissed and even more confused as to why a service thats SOLE FUCKING JOB is to store information/photos/videos is unable to find even a single shred of my work. Obviously the Customer Service Drone was completely baffled and quickly called in a Supervisor. Again I explained the situation and again this time the Supervisor told me how utterly odd my debacle was. Over 90 minutes later I got off the phone with the Supervisor not having accomplished a single damn thing, I didn’t even get a basic explanation as to what the hell was going on.

Over the next 6 weeks I was constantly on the phone with the Apple people daily and was getting nowhere fast. Each time I’d call it was the same story all over again I’d let them know the problem, the Phone Drone would throw their preverbal hands in the air, transfer me to slick Supervisor who would tell me “This has never happened before…” and that was it. I talked to 7 different Supervisors in total none of which had a single clue as to what the problem EVEN WAS none the less attempted to fix it. Finally I had it and told the 8th and the last Supervisor that at this point not only am I extremely angry over the initial problem, but now I was equally pissed off at their company’s complete and apparent incompetence as nothing had changed since my 1st call. The 8th Supervisor had the ingenious idea of calling upon their extensive IT Department to see where they weighed in on the subject at hand.  Within 3-4 days I called the 8th Supervisor (she was the only one that had the wherewithal to give me their extension so I could contact them directly, and avoid the excessive bullshit of constantly repeating my self to the front line Phone Drones.) to check in for hopefully some sort of progress report and she actually had news for me.

What Supervisor 8 told me was that the iCloud had in fact done its job which was to back up and store my shit at which point I felt a bit relieved because it sounded like finally could be fixed. I was totally wrong. Supervisor 8 continued to inform me that the IT Department had contacted her earlier in the day and gave her their official report. In their report the IT Department stated again first and foremost that the iCloud had done its official and designated back up job, BUT the problem was that instead of storing my work in its proper spot the Cloud in its infinite wisdom stored it somewhere else.  The IT Department concluded their report with that as of now they had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE THE CLOUD STORED MY WORK so they obviously can’t do shit until they located where my work was indeed stored at within the Cloud.

This is where our story ends readers because to this very day years later The Apple IT Department has been absolutely unable to locate a single piece my work not a single word.