Jack Daniels – f-your blog

A Friend of f-yourblog.com was kind enough to honor a previous request of Mine. The request was simply if your aimlessly surfing the Internet, and perhaps stumble upon some seriously weird shit please let me know. The Link the Reader forwarded me was to a Lithuanian website promoting one of the most bizarre Diets ever to be conceived.

It was called the Mesos Konserai ir Alkoholis Dieta which translates to The Canned Meat and Alcohol diet. Obviously the first part is a no brainer the dietary requirements where that you only eat canned meat. It does not restrict you to the type of canned meat it can be ANY and ALL canned meats currently available to the public were fair game. You could only drink Alcohol while on the diet, and again it did not restrict your type of Alcohol. Any and ALL Alcohols again available to the public were fair game. There is no timeline or duration for this diet as it seems to be more of an endurance contest than it is a legitimate diet.

I decided to try it and in the name of Sociology. Not only would I try it but I’d document it through pictures of what I ate/drank each day 4 times a day for 26 days strait.

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After 26 days on the Canned Meat and Alcohol Diet I lost 31 pounds due to the fact I vomited almost half or all of what I ate 30 minutes after eating. Also I have never shit nearly as much as I did on this diet it was like a diarrhea Niagara fucking Falls pouring relentlessly out of my ass. Another side effect was all the alcohol totally disrupted my sleep schedule and after 10 days sleep deprivation became a very real issue. Last but not least again due to the excessive alcohol intake am now border line diabetic.

People ask was it worth it?

Honestly I don’t have a goddamn clue if it was.

Would You do it again?

In a word Yes. Life is a web of interlinked experiences, and this one was one for the history books.

Do You regret trying this diet?

No Not at All, I have NO regrets.

What about the Negative effects on your general health?

Everything has fucking side effects, go read the warning on the side of a bottle of Aspirin.

Thanks For The Read as Always,

Les Sober

So I heard from her yesterday. I never expected the call in a million years. I’ve kept her a very well kept secret for a very long time.

Well yeah so…. this is what I have been hiding. I have been leading a double life of sorts. Only just this winter though. I mean I have a habit of enjoying living a double life, moreso it’s like isolation, then secret playtime.

So I tried to be different….

I tried it out with a girl. You know, it. I know I could use a nicer term for “it” but it was really my thing and i puked during is a bit too long.

So yeah she was pretty. I had been practicing vocal lessons….. To make my voice deeper to take out the gay or at least take out enough gay to be metrosexual in new york. Apparantly I suceeded.

WHAT THE DILLY YO???????
So those of you who personally know me, you know my phone has been off for periods ranging from anywhere from 2 days to as long as 2 weeks at a time if I get too lazy to find the damn thing. Well I kinda have a errrrrrr other phone that y’all don’t know about.

Anyway so I go one time for a few days and am in New York City. I went up originally to go out with my sister and her husband but alas there is never a normal night out for me. The less I try for sparks to fly, sexually and otherwise, the more my big mouth gets me into trouble.

Sooooo….my sister and I get Chinese. Then I go out on my own to the closest bar. My sister thinks I’m a lush so she doesn’t like when I drink around her. I wanted green liquor. I wanted to be the Hulk and have pretty green eyes but preferrably not gangrene. I prefer yellow fever.

So yeah I picked the wrong fortune cookie. I never had bought a woman a drink in my life before. (sorry ladies…. :(………

So I thought why not buy a drink for this little China woman down the bar. I got her something girly with Malibu in it or an alien secretion (which is green of course 🙂 …. So not only does she take the drink, she comes over and starts talking to me. I must have been straight in my past life or something because my bullshit lines came very naturally to me. I told her, her name was Lisa (but really it was like Ming Wong or Xiana Zu or some shit….like I remember!!!), that she looked lonely and I wanted to take her out for the evening.

She actually agreed. I was like what the hell. I wasn’t expecting this. I could have just ran…. Well then she was like let’s drink something more manly. I’m not as innocent as I look.

So we do shots of jack.
And more jack.
And more.

Then I said lets do some southern comfort.

Everything proceeded to fade to black after that.

I woke up in a hotel. I had no clue where I was. I had to look outside to see okay I’m still in an urban area, which I assumed was New York. I went to go check the mail (best way to find out where you are) and there was no mail. I looked and looked. Oh wait a bible. I’m at a hotel.

So I was in the Bronx. How the fuck I got there I have no idea. I thought to call my sister but no I’ll just find a subway, take a subway, and get the hell home.

So I did.

TODAY IS THE GREATEST DAY I’VE EVER KNOWN?????
So today I did something I normally never do. I actually answered one of those private numbers on my phone. My friends from the land of Glass Dickia have no phone anymore so I was mildly curious. It was her. I didn’t even know she had my number!!! So after going through the whole Hi Do You Know Who This Is? bullshit she drops the bomb.

I’m pregnant.

I drop my bomb.

I’m gay.

She drops the next bomb.

I know it’s yours.

Having no more bombs, I say well maybe it was a thing like you know Mary had. Maybe God came by in the night and stuck you with a turkey baster???

She was not amused.

Anyway the awkward convo went on for 5 minutes. I got off the phone. And after that I got piss drunk. And here I am……

Anyway…..I’m not even sure if I should believe this girl. I don’t know. She just seems like drama. I think I might be drama too. She mentioned if I don’t believe her to go with her on Maury. I felt like saying bitch maybe it’s his. He got that yellow fever way more then me.

So yeah I don’t know if I have been wrongly accused or not. I used to brag about getting out of sticky situations. So ummmm I suppose this is my birthday “gift”. I don’t know if I should just forget about my other phone or what the hell i should do……

I mean ladies….have you ever been wrong before about your baby daddy???? If only I smoked pot like I used to and had seed that would rather float around in the wind. My seed isn’t supposed to plant itself!!!! I’m gay!!!!!

I don’t know anymore. Life used to be so simple. I used to know who I was and what I was and what I wanted. All I know is I do not want this. OMFG!!!! I’m speechless.

SpaceDog

Tag: Jack Daniels

The Canned Meat & Alcohol Only Diet