Tag: kids

The Gashlycrumb Tinies Set To Music

Welcome to Today’s FYB Post featuring the Poem The Gashlycrumb Tinies by the Infamous Writer,  Artist, Illustrator, and Tony Award winning Costume Designer Edward Gorey (February 22, 1925 to April 15, 2000) set to Music by Daisy Chapman and Red Carousel. Gorey’s Characteristic Pen-and-Ink drawings often Depict Vauge and Unsettling Narrative Scenes in Both Victorian as well as Edwardian Setting that have Built a Long Term Cult Following Gorey wrote The Gashlycrumb tinies in 1963 and the Poem that serves Cautionary Tale of being Aware of all the Deadly perils of Life that can bring about a Person’s Early Demise. The Poem was once summed up by George Boomer who said “(The Poem) Is a rebellion against a view of childhood that is sunny, idyllic, and instructive.”. The Poem follows a Fairly Simple and Dark Theme Combining The Alphabet, Children, and a Horrible Fate for Each of the Children. The Poem consists of Child with a Name Starting with each Letter of The Alphabet in Chronological Order. What makes this Poem rather Demented is Each Child Mentioned Meets a Variety of Gruesome Deaths carried out  in Some Brutally Creative Way.

Throughout Gorey’s Illustrious Career Gorey was known for His Illustrated Books as well as Drawing Cover Art or Illustrations for Other Writers. Gorey illustrated Over 200 Book Covers for a Variety of Publishing Houses including Doubleday Anchor, Random House’s Looking Glass Library, Bubbs-Merrill, and as a Free Lance Artist. Among other Works Gorey illustrated Bram Stoker’s Dracula, H.G. Wells’ The War Of The Worlds, and T.S. Elliot’s Old Possum’s Book Of Practical Cats. When Gorey was working as a Freelance Writer/Illustrator He used several Pen Names, some of which were Anagrams of His First and Last Name like Ogdred Weary, Dogear Wryde, Ms. Regera Dowdy, just to Name a Few. Meanwhile Gorey used Other Pen Names for His Original Work Too such as O. Mude (which is German for O. Weary), and Eduard Blutig which is a German Pun on His Own Name. Also During His Career Gorey conducted Literary Experiments like. Creating Wordless Books, Books the Size of a Matchbox, Pop Up books, and Books that were/are Comprised Entirely of Inanimate Objects.

Gorey Classified His Work as Literary Nonsense, and in Respone to being called Gothic Gorey Replied “If you’re doing nonsense it has to be rather awful, because there’d be no point. I’m trying to think if there’s sunny nonsense. Sunny, funny nonsense for children—oh, how boring, boring, boring. As Schubert said, there is no happy music. And that’s true, there really isn’t. And there’s probably no happy nonsense, either.”

 

It is What it Is,

 Presented by Les Sober

Behind Dreams Mask

Welcome to Todays FYB Post Featuring BEHIND DREAMS MASK by the One and Only MeatCanyon.  MeatCanyon who’s Real Name is Hunter August Hancock better know by His online user name MeatCanyon. Hancock is an American Youtuber, Animator, Voice Actor, Comedian, Writer, and Director who makes Parody Animations of Popular Characters (say Sponge Bob for instance). Some viewers of MeatCanyon’s Animations  have been Described them in just One Single Word “Horrifying”. A common on going gag in Hancock’s video’s is that Something Normal or Mundane gets You Killed or Possible Worse.

Synopsis: Raise ing a Teenager can be a Living fucking Hell with the Raging Hormones, Shitty Attitude, and Every Other Unpleasant Attribute Known to Man. But for a Single Father His Teenage Son’s Transformation from a Child to an Adult turns into a Horrific Nightmare.

It is What it is,

  Presented By Les Sober

Shits And Giggles: EAT YOUR VEGGIES!

Motherfucking Mondays I’m I right? Of course I damn well am. Thats why I’m delighted to present this demented little dish called EAT YOUR VEGGIES! This 16 seconds of sheer insanity by one of our favorite members of the theater of the absurd Oddest of the Odd. If this doesn’t make your Monday suck less you must be fucking dead.

Plot: When it comes to getting kids to eat their veggies it can be a hell all its own, but this fed up father takes the issue to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL of gore soaked insanity!!!

Who Is Oddest of the Odd in Their Own Words: ” (We’re) Just some Filmmakers from Michigan Buttfucking Los Angeles!” #STAYODD

Have a fucking blast,

 Justine Sane

My Two Cents On Three Subjects.

Since Mondays can be a Little Mind Muddling I figured I’d Keep it Simple and Give You My So-Called Two Cents on Three Separate Subjects. The Topics are divided into the following Categories Not So Current Events, Morbid & Murderous, and Utter Absurdity for Absurdity’s Sake. Feel Free to Discuss Them with Your Friends, Family, Co-Workers, and General Public since Americans use Their fucking Smart Phones instead of Their Actual Smarts. The Bottomline is the “Smarter” the Phone the fucking Stupider the User Becomes as They’re Dumbed Down to Moronic Levels but I digress. Without further ado Let’s get Started.

     

No So Current Events:

I have purposefully tried to Avoid Posting about the Global COVID Pandemic for a Myriad of fucking Reasons, But there is One fucking thing I just Can NOT Stay Silent About. The Pandemic Hot Button Topic I am going to Address here is Kids Going Back To School. Now I’m not here for an In-depth fucking discussion of Kids, School, and all the Usual Bullshit since We all Know why school is Important and that Socialization is Vitally Important so I refuse to Beat a Dead Horse.

My Issue Lies Solely with the Parents. As We are all more than aware Parents are fucking Notorious for Bombarding Other People They encounter with Stories, Pictures, Videos, Social Media Posts, and General Bullshit about Their fucking Kid(s). They spout cliche shit like

  • “Children are a True Blessing”
  • “Having a Kid/Kids Changes Your Life Forever”
  • “Raising Kids is the Greatest Accomplishment One can Accomplish.”
  • “If You Don’t have a Kid/Kids Then You Just Don’t Understand.”
  • “It’s a Shame They Grow Up So Fast.”
  • “Their (Kids) are Angels here to Enlighten Your Life.”
  • “Children are the Future.”
  • “Anything for the Kids.”
  • “I’d Die before I let anything Bad happen to a single Hair on My Child’s Head.”

                  

Along with an Arsenal of Other Parental Wisdoms They Intend  to spread to the Four fucking Corners of the fucking Earth. This Overwhelming Desire to Subjugate the Rest of the World Population to Their Parenting Bullshit seems to be EXTREMELY HYPOCRITICAL in the Age of Covid. When it came to Opening Schools/Sending Kids back to School during an Ongoing Global Pandemic at First Parents were Wary as They damn well Should Be, but then there was a MONUMENTAL ATTITUDE SHIFT among Parents as the Months Rolled On By. Then all of a Sudden One Day the Topic of Kids actually Viably and Safety returning to School Exploded like a fucking Powder Keg across America.

The Next thing Anyone Knew Parents were EVERYWHERE Online, Social Media, and TV Whining Ironically like Bratty Kids about How Much They Wanted Their Kids Back At School. This simple above all had nothing to do with what’s Best for the Kids but What the Aggravated Parents wanted Do to Quarantine. Basically Parents where SICK AND TIRED of having Their Kids with Them in Quarantine and were Blatantly Pushing the School Opening so Their Kids would be SOMEONE ELSE’S PROBLEM. Its fucking astounding How Parents in America Act like They’re Entitled to having The Educational System Raising THEIR fucking Kids for Them. It took just a Matter of Months before Parents couldn’t get Away from Their fucking Kids Fast Enough, and to make it worse where All Over the Place Whining About it like Assholes. Also this is fucking shitty because NOT ONLY are You willing to put Your Child, Yourself, Friends, Family, Teachers, and School Staff in Harms Way (could Result in Their DEATH) because KIDS BECAME TOO INCONVENIENT FOR THEIR PARENTS.

Now the ONLY People You should Listen to in an Emergency especially if its fucking Life or Death to THE EXPERTS Not the Media, Social Media Mob, or Online Idiots and Assholes. I’ll just make My Point by saying if I had a Child or Children During this Covid-19 Pandemic I WOULDN’T SEND THEM TO SCHOOL UNTIL ALL TEACHERS AND SCHOOL STAFF ARE VACCINATED, AND THE CDC SAYS IT’S OK. Parents were Literally Gambling with Their Kids (Along with Theirs and Others) Lives because They were Aggravated by Their Supposedly Precious Little Angels. The Hypocrisy was/is Absolutely fucking Astounding that People would Praise Their Kids Until They wanted a Break From Them then All Bets are Off as it were.

MORBID AND MURDEROUS: HOW TO DISPOSE OF DEAD NINJAS

The Most Effective way to Remove and Transport The Corpse of a Dead Ninja is to Simply Cut it Up into 6 Separate Pieces. The You Place the Torso on the Bottom, Fold the Legs and Place Them on Top of the Torso. Next You fold and Place the Arms on Top of the Legs, and Then Lastly Place the Head like the Cherry on a Sunday made of Human Flesh.

You can NOT Burn a Body of a Dead Ninja Properly to Dispose of it. Only a Professional Crematorium has the Equipment Needed to Incinerate an Entire Human Corpse. To Fully dispose of a Human Corpse (with the Exception of small Pieces of Left over Bone) You need a Heat Source of 2,700 Degrees Fahrenheit for Several Hours. This can Not be Accomplished by Dousing the Corpse in a Flammable Fluid and setting it Ablaze.

When Disposing of the Corpse of a Dead Ninja in a Body of Water can be Much Trickier than Most People would Think. The Problem is Bodies Bloat which means They will Float like a Motherfucker, and They Rot so They tend to break free and Float to the Surface. The Issue is when the Human Body starts to Decay it Swells with Gases like a fucked up Cadaver Balloon making it Buoyant. The First method to handle this Problem would to Stab the Corpse just below the Heart to Slice Open the Stomach. This way the Gases can’t Build Up and Increase the Chance of the Bodie becoming a Floater. The Problem with this is Anchoring the Body is still an Issue. You see Crabs, Fish, and Other Aquatic Life feed on the Rotting Flesh until the Body starts to come apart. So if you Anchored the Body with Chains (around the hands and Feet) sooner or later due to Time or Animals will Decay away, and thus the Body can be moved about by Weather or Currents. The most Effective way to Dispose of a Corpse in a Body of Water is to Wrap Chicken Wire Around it from Head to Toe mind You so You’ll Need a Rather Large Piece. This way when the Body Starts to Bloat the Chicken Wire will Lacerate the Rotten Flesh Not only Releasing the Built Up Gas but Also Keeping the Body Tightly Secured within the Chicken Wire.

One of the MOST EFFECTIVE AND TABOO ways to Dispose of a Dead Ninja’s Body is to Actually Eat the Evidence, and then Grind Down the Leftover Bones into Dust. No Body No Crime.

UTTERLY ABSURD:

This is The Semi Annual Podunkville Turkey Vulture Report. The Tirkey Vulture Road Kill Clean Up Crews are Seriously Lacking resulting in an Overall Rating at the Time of this Evaluation a Solid D. If You are in the Podunkville area and See a Turkey Vulture Please tell it in Your most Assertive Voice to “GO BACK TO WORK YOU FUCKING BUM!” We suggest You do this from an EXTREMELY SAFE DISTANCE or Optimally from the Confines of a Motor Vehicle. This is Specifically for Your Safety as Turkey Vultures are Rather Large Disagreeable Birds with Seriously Shitty Attitudes, and They are Armed with Razor Sharp Talons and Powerful Beaks.

Also Turkey Vultures are Known for Vomiting on Their Enemies primarily as a Defense Tactic, But You Know what They Say the Best Offense is a Good Defense. It  is also Unconfirmed as of Now, Yet Perturbed Turkey Vultures may try and Shit on You (as well as Vomit) when Confronted in what They perceive to be an Unkindly Manner. There is No Official Strike by the Turkey Vultures as of Yet and There are Rumors of Turkey Vultures succumbing to Anorexia. Whatever the Reason the Turkey Vultures of Podunkville need to return to Their Regularly Scheduled Scavenging as Soon as Possible before The Road become Littered with Carcasses, and Dominated by the Pungent Stench of Death and Decay.

Thanks For Reading,

By Les Sober

I’m Being Held Hostage By A 6 Year Old

I live in a Tiny Town which means there far less fucking People I have to Tolerate or Deal with. Not only that but the Community that I live in is made up of 65% Vacation Homes meaning theres only a Handful of Full Time Residents living out here by The Lake. So theres PLENTY of fucking Elbow Room for Everyone which someone like Me Fully Appreciates.

As a Writer I have My own set of Practices and Rituals when it comes to Writing one of which is I prefer to Write Outside whenever possible. Since Our current Home Office has a rather Massive Front Porch, and the Weather being absolutely Perfect this time of Year makes it an Optimal Time to Write Outdoors. It’s Not to Hot and Not too cold You know all that Goldie Locks and the Three Bears bullshit.

Now unfortunately one of the Other Full Time Residents live just across the Street from of and have Kids three to be exact. While I have never seen Hide nor Hair of the Two Older Children the Youngest Montana (who is Six Years Old) is a MUCH Different fucking Story I assure You.

       

There several issues that contribute to My ongoing Problem which is Montana has made it a habit recently of coming over and Talking to Me while I’m on the Porch Writing or at any He sees Me as a Matter of Fact. Now Don’t get Me wrong I may be an Asshole, but I’m Not a fucking Monster. I don’t mind Waving or Saying Hello, and I don’t mind chatting  for a moment Here and There with Him time permitting.

Montana’s Parents turn Him loose Outside with No Limitations on where He can Roam, and with No Adult Supervision. They just put Him out like You would a Dog and by that I mean I don’t think an Adult is paying any Attention to what the fuck the Kid is up to They seem Oblivious. Out of Sight Out of Mind doesn’t Work for Raising a Child.

We live in such a Remote Area there aren’t a whole hell of a lot of Kids for Montana to play with. Outside of Montana and His two Siblings I can only think of One other Child living in the Neighborhood (and He’s 14 so He obviously has no fucking interest in hanging out with a little 6 year old Kid). So Montana has to Entertain Himself a majority of the Time which has to be Lonely as Children are Social Creatures, and Yes I don feel bad for the Kid in that respect. I grew up in a Neighborhood devoid of Other Kids for Years and it Seriously fucking Sucked. Imaginary Friends only go so Far.

       

Not to mention that I don’t know a damn thing about Kids Not a Single thing mind You. I don’t know what They like, what They don’t like, How they Develop, What They do at certain ages, Behavior shit, Their interests, Their Hobbies, Not a Single fucking Clue. This is due to the fact I’m a grown fucking Man who doesn’t have Kids (as of Yet), and while there plenty of Kids in My Family We live all over the fucking Place. I don’t have a lot of Exposure to Kids on any sort of consistent basis is My point. I don’t remember being Six Myself for fuck’s sake.

Since I’m a Grown fucking Man I have nothing in common with a 6 Year Old, and absolutely No Reason to be associating with one at Length. The last fucking thing I need is Especially in a Small fucking Town is to get Labeled the Creepy Old Guy that Parents Warn Their Kids about Avoiding. I don’t work with Kids in any capacity or in The Child Care Field as a Teacher for example, Montana is not a Related to Me nor Is he the Child of Dear Family Friends, and Again Montana is just 6 years Old. Theres NO reason on God’s Green Earth for Him to be associating with an Adult Virtual Stranger. Shit like that gets People Talking  out Their asses and Spreading Rumors like Wild Fire. I’m not going to be perceived by the Local Community as some sort of potential Child Molester or fucking piece of shit Pedophile thats for fucking Sure.

        

Now while My wonderful and Much Friendlier/Social Wife has already gone over and introduced Herself, got to Know Montana’s Parents, and Chat with them awhile I have Not. To Be utterly Honest I haven’t even so much as Waved Hello to Either of Them which makes Me look like a REAL Dick. The funny thing about it is when My Wife met Montana’s Parents and mentioned Him They had No Idea We knew of His Existence. My Point is They had No idea Their young Child had been across the Street hanging out and talking to a Adult Stranger on a Frequent Basis.

Thus Not knowing shit about Kids, Not wanting to get Labeled a Pervert, and Not wanting to Hurt the Kids feeling since I don’t know the appropriate way to tell or get an annoying Child to Fuck Off I have been avoiding Montana like the motherfucking plague. So every fucking Day for the last week or so before I set foot outside I wonder around My house peering and leering out of Windows to see if Montana is any where near by at any given moment. If I’m set up outside and working away I will stop what i’m doing, tell Montana I have work to do, and head inside for Who Knows how long since its all dependent on Montana going the fuck away or at least Staying in His own fucking Front Yard for once.

        

I have No idea how the Hell this Bizarre Situation with a 6 Year Old essentially and effectively holding Me hostage in My own fucking Home is going to End I just hope and Pray it isn’t an utter fucking Shit Show. What I need to do is get some credible advice on the subject Hopefully before I lose My Shit due to growing Frustration and All fucking Hell Breaks Loose. I’m getting too Tired to be The Old Me.

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober (12:23 am)