Animals, Man, and His Ego

Lets face it at best Man is nothing more than a hairless talking monkey with thumbs, and at worst Man is an Animal thus He has the capability of being a Beast. And since Man started walking upright He has come to assume that Mankind has control or jurisdiction over all other living life forms on Earth. I think the Band Fishbone had it write when they said “Give a Monkey a Brain and He’ll swear He’s the Center of the Universe.”

To illustrate My point I will use the following Animals as Examples of the overwhelming ego of Man. The example Animals will be Wolves, Elephants, Orca’s, and Chimpanzees. So without further ado lets get this shit started.

One of the BIGGEST MISCONCEPTIONS is Wolves being the Ancestor’s of Domesticated Dogs can be kept like a Dog as a Pet. Even if a Person was to take in and care for a Wolf Pup moments after it was born, fed it, cared for it, Kept it healthy, and tried to train it like a dog (Do your business outside, Sit, Stay, Some etc) it wouldn’t mean nor change a damn thing. Wolves are WILD ANIMALS and they ALWAYS WILL BE NO MATTER WHAT MAN TRIES TO MAKE IT OTHERWISE.

You see some fucking jerk off thought they were a genius by having the hypothesis that if you bred a Wolf with a Large Domesticated Dog breed (like lets say a German Shepherd) then you could domesticate it as half of its DNA is from a domesticated Dog. IT FAILED HORRIBLY. Wolf Hybrids were so dangerous that at this point and time almost every state (accept for a few shit states like South Dakota) are totally Illegal and are Euthanized Immediately. The issue again was even if a Wolf was bred with a Domesticated Dog the wild Wolf in it would win out every time.

The Next Animal is the Majestic Elephant. True Elephants have been utilized by man for travel purposes as well as for Labor, but when Man decided to poach Elephants for the sole purpose of entertainment in Circuses it was going way too far.

Kept in cages, often Beaten while being trained to preform asinine tricks, abused (shitty food/healthcare), and are paraded around a ring for what would be the rest of their natural lives Elephants started to snap. We have all heard stories or at least a story about a Circus Elephant going “Batshit” trashing the Circus Tent, possibly injuring or killing any audience members or staff, and rampage down the street general fucking everything up it comes in contact with. People act all surprised by this, but if you were kidnapped, enslaved, and mistreated wouldn’t you want to make a break for freedom?

Appropriately the next Animals on the list are also Paraded around in Circuses and Imprisoned in Zoo’s all for the sole entertainment of Man, and these Animals are Big Cats such as Lions and Tigers. Big Cats are dangerous everyone agrees, BUT Animal Trainers over time let their guard down as they become more and more comfortable working with Big Cats over the Years. Also the Animal Trainer started to get severely over confident to the point of being cocky (I’m a Man and thus I’m the Master)

A perfect and rather tragic example of why no one should Train/Work With Big Cats are the Magicians Siegfried and Roy. Siegfried and Roy were/are the most famous and well know duo who put on Las Vegas Style Shows using Lions and Tigers. They also interacted with the lions/Tigers at home outside of work playing with them and socializing them (getting them used to people)

Siegfried and Roy made millions and traveled the globe for DECADES with their Tigers putting on countless shows that was until the inevitable happened. One day like any other in 2003 when one of the Duo’s Tiger’s who had preformed in hundreds of shows attacked Roy grabbing him around the throat triggering a stroke. Roy lived (now wheelchair bound) but his career was over, and since the attack Roy has become a Recluse virtually never leaving the two’s 100 acre compound.

Though the Duo hoped Roy would one day return to the stage it wasn’t meant to be (due to Roy’s permanent injuries), and in 2010 Siegfried and Roy announced they were Retired for good.

The second to last on My list are Chimpanzees. Since the invention of the Movie Camera (and then subsequently Television as well as The Internet) it seems people have been even more fascinated by Chimpanzees. Chimpanzee were cute, could be dressed like people, intelligent, Social, cute like a Baby, could preform trick/tasks, and even if you don’t believe in evolution the Chimpanzee’s close similarity to Humans made them endearing to the American public.

Now with all the Movies/TV Shows etc. have led people (including those few who have them as pets) to assume Chimpanzees might be a handful, but they don’t pose a threat or risk. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. While their cute and cuddly when young once a Chimpanzee hits Sexual Maturity (or puberty as we humans call it) their entire personality changes. The hormones are raging drawing out Chimpanzee’s wild instincts making them destructive, Territorial, and uncontrollable.

The most egregious mistake people make with Chimpanzees they forget how strong they actually are. Now no one would fuck with a Gorilla because those massive motherfuckers could snap a grown man in two with ease. And though Chimpanzees are smaller than humans makes them quite deceptive when it comes to their strength. A Chimpanzee is 5 to 6 times stronger than a fully grown adult Male. So imagine getting in a fist fight and your opponent is as strong as 5 to 6 men combined.

A horrific example of this was in a story a few years back now. A woman had a Chimpanzee as a pet for many years without issue. Her friend came to visit her one afternoon, and they Chimpanzee savagely attacked biting her face. The Woman lived but was permanently disfigured and disabled by the attack. The Chimp torn off her ears, bit off her nose, and blinded the poor woman among other things during the brutal attack.

Now last but not least lets talk Orca’s. Orca’s are commonly know to the American Public as Killer Whales like Sea World’s Shamu. Shame was an American Icon drawing thousands over the years to Sea World where they could see Shamu preform, and there was TONS of merchandise. Shamu has attacked (and killed a couple) of various Sea World Trainers. Shamu’s legacy of attacking Trainers is blurry as there have been Several Shamu’s over the Years (the 1st Shamu was a wild caught Female who died in 1971) just like a parent who’s child’s pet dies and they buy a look-a-like replacement.

The only point I’d like to make is this ITS A FUCKING KILLER WHALE, KILLER is literally in its name. So why the fuck do people get so shocked when a KILLER WHALE attacks, its like being utterly surprised that a Serial Killer Kills. Not to mention these are WHALES not fucking Gold Fish, you can’t poach a Orca from the wild (a practice that has been out lawed) or breed them in private programs you can’t actually expect a creature that big will be happy living in a sparse oversized Fish Bowl Aquarium?!

Bottom line: Man is an Animalistic Beast No Matter what His Ego Tells Him.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

A Peak Behind a Particular Pet Store’s Policy

It was a couple of years ago at this point that I walked into a particular Pet Store which I’d love to call out, and name said Pet Store but I won’t. Why You ask? The answer is I don’t want to run ANY RISK of some asshole reading this, and narcing Me out so then I get sued by this Pet Store for Slander/Defamation of Character.

Anyways I walked into this Pet Store because My Ball Python (Monty and if you get the reference give yourself a pat on the back. The Pet Store had one annoying issue which was even though they didn’t/don’t work on commission get right up in your fucking face like some possessed Used Car Salesman soon as you set a single foot on the floor.

This Employee (who I wouldn’t name here either, but I honestly have no idea what his actual name was/is) was a Assistant Manager or perhaps an actual Manager. He of course came striding up to me with a greasy fake smile that made him look like a fucking Child Molester on Meth and asked Me what I was looking for. I told Manny I was there for a couple of Mice, and Manny cut Me off at the knees. As soon as I said Mice I was going to get the fucking whole rigamarole about being a Snake Owner. What I mean by that is Manny cut me off to ask if the Mice were for Pets or Food and I of course said food.

At this time Pet Stores were considering what to do about the growing Public Opinion on the subject of Reptile Owners feeding live Rodents to their Pets. I won’t take but a moment to address this happy load of Horseshit. First off REPTILES EAT RODENTS, its a fucking FACT OF NATURE. You don’t fault a Nile Crocodile for killing a fucking Wilda Beast do you?!

Second as I wrote PREVIOUSLY there are Dead Frozen Rodents for sale (a half assed attempt to solve the growing tension as Reptile Owners prepared to go head to head and toe for toe with the General Public over the issue) BUT it requires all kinds of nasty prep work because they Reptile will only eat its Prey if its either alive or has just died mere moments ago. You won’t  find a Zoo Staff feeding Frozen TV fucking Diners to their Lions and  other Big Cats housed there would you?!! If you don’t get what I’m saying here just think about it for a few minutes.

Instead of acting like a self righteous, judgmental piece of ignorant shit in gauged Me in a conversation pertaining sole to My wanting Live Mice to feed a hungry snake. It is pertinent that I mention here for those of you who aren’t aware Male Rats / Male Mice fight constantly which results in serious injuries, I mean think about how sharp their teeth are (not to mention they also have 5 sets of claws so having those are well handy in a fight.) Manny went on to mention that they had the issue with their Stock of Mice/Rats.

See No Pet Store is going to pay a $40-$60 for an initial Vets Visit for a $1.99 Mouse or $4.99 Rat. They also aren’t going to have their employees medicating the injured Rodents with liquid Antibiotics for 7-14 days while applying Topical Ointment. Now on the other hand they also can’t sell the injured Rodents because No One would buy one, No One wants damaged goods. So what can They do about it. At this point in time One Major Pet Store Chain Stopped carrying Live Rodents altogether while another simply decided not to sell Male Rodents as their the aggressive sex. Yet that is Now and this was back When.

Manny continued on to tell me that the Pet Store would be willing to sell Me the injured Mice at a Discount because as far as the business was concerned some money beats no money, but it had to be on the Down Low as the Pet Store didn’t want to upset the General Public. Manny went on to mention that this Pet Store’s policy was if they couldn’t unload them at a discount to Reptile Pet Owner’s they would crate them back up and send them to be Euthanized I’m sure they got a deal for bulk.

I took Manny up on the Back Door Deal of unloading injured Mice for profit and promptly left. I returned a few weeks later again in need of a few Live Mice to feed My Snake (well one of them, it was the Ball Python again as it were.) ,and because of the semi shady grey area the Pet Store was operating in I asked for Manny much like meeting your Pot Dealer at their place of employment. Turned out that Manny wasn’t working that day so another Employee asked how they could help me? Not wanting to possibly get into a heated confrontation with this Employee on the subject of feeding Reptiles Live Rodents (or Prey Animals) I figured fuck it and just went for it.

I told the Employee about My previous arrangement with Manny and it went over like a Pregnant Nun in Church as some would say.They Employee was first and foremost on of those impractical Anti-Live Feed People so that was no help. Second while the grimace on her fucking face showed her disgust for Reptile Owners on the issue of Live-Feed her eyes where busy narcing her out. Her eyes told Me that she damn well knew about the injured Rodent Unofficial Policy, BUT she also knew it was her job to totally deny it. And thats exactly what she did she feigned Shock and Disbelief at what I had said, and then informed no such policy existed (and if Manny did make a deal he was acting on his own, an employee gone rouge if you will.)

I respond by tell the Employee that I didn’t believe a fucking thing she said, and that as far as her personal views on Live Feeding that she needs to keep them to her fucking self (at least while on the job AT A FUCKING PET STORE LIKE AN ASSHOLE) I then told her the issue was far from fucking over and left.

If your pissed I didn’t name this Pet Store I can tell you this. This National Pet Store Chain’s Name STARTS WITH PET and ends in Well you can figure it out based on that I’m sure (or damn well close enough.)

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

Donald Trump President or Pervert?!

I have it on good authority that presidential candidate Donald Trump has one hell of a skeleton in his closet. Donnie Trump is banned from the entire continent of Africa, if Donnie ever sets foot on African soil he will be arrested and promptly executed for Environmental Desecration and Wild Life Endangerment.

Why you ask? Well I’ll tell you. In his 30’s to late 40’s our possible president went through a serious Beastiality phase. So Donnie Trump would book secret “Safari Vacations” to various parts of Africa to shoot his personal Beastiality porn, by him for him type deal.

2 Strange Facts on the Subject:

  1. Donnie while fucking Lions would be heard screaming “Your no king of the jungle, I AM! I’m the KING of the JUNGLE,  all you are is the king of my bitches! I’M SIMBA BABY, I’M MOTHERFUCKING SIMBA OF THE WORLD!”
  2. While getting banged by Hyenas Donnie Boy could be heard mumbling meekly “Mother knows, Mother knows best and she will teach me!”

Interesting side note and biological fact:

Hyena’s sexes are notoriously hard to distinguish say field researchers due to the fact female Hyenas have a Faux Penis,  so female Hyenas literally know what its like to give birth through their penises.