Tag: Live Theater

Questions That Allude Answers: Blank Room Soup

It’s that Time again Fans for another Installment of Questions That Allude Answers. This Time We go from a Creepy Robot named Tara to well….See and Decide for Yourself.

First We have the Original DARK WEB Video BLANK ROOM SOUP Untampered, Unedited, and Uncensored in Any Way.

Second We have the FOLLOW UP or SECOND DARK WEB Video called TORTURE SOUP that was Posted several Years After Blank Room Soup.

       

Below the Videos will be a Discussion along with Speculations, Hypothesizes, Observations, Debates, Quandaries, and Questions Discussed Pertaining to the BOTH VIDEOS.

And as alway to cover Our Ass………

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING VIDEOS CONTAIN CONTENT THAT SOME VIEWERS MAY FIND DISTURBING OR UNSETTLING.

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED. Enjoy.

Video Two (2) TORTURE SOUP Part 1

Well, Well, Well What do We have Here Dear Reader’s??!!! We honestly will more than likely NEVER Know, but that DOESN’T Stop Us from Wonder Aloud.

Let’s Simply Start with the Obvious shall We. In  BLANK ROOM SOUP there is a Man who seems to be Crying (or possibly Laughing?!) as He eats God Know What with a Large Wooden Spoon. The Man is in a Completely White Room with nothing other than the Table in it. There are 2 People dressed in Identical Full On Mascot Like Costumes who seem to Comfort the Upset Man though this bring Him NO Comfort.

In TORTURE SOUP it’s the same Location with the Same Upset Man eating Who fucking knows. THIS TIME the People in Costume do NOT interact with the Man. This time around  instead standing just inside of the Door. One of the People is Costume Bum Rushes the Man from Behind and looks to be Attack right before the Video Cuts Off.

BLANK ROOM SOUP was Posted over a Decade ago to Youtube someone going by Renaissance Men with the Description :

“We have no idea what this is.”

Several Years later TORTURE SOUP also Posted on Youtube. I couldn’t find out WHO Posted it or if there was a Description. It’s been Uploaded so many Times that after 10 years it’s like a massive and greatly fucked Round of the Telephone Game via the Internet.

There as You may have Guessed Several Hypothesizes pertaining to BOTH Videos so lets Discuss some Shall We, Yes We Shall.

       

We can get off to a Good Start with Two (2) of the Most Popular Possible Explanations. The First is The Man was Kidnapped and is being Held Hostage, and is Eating a Soup made from HIS OWN ORGANS!

It is Medically Possible to Live with 1 Kidney, 1 Lung, Part/Piece of a Liver, 1 Eye, Missing Parts of Your Intestines. ALSO You Live a Fairly Normal functioning Life with NO Appendix, Gallbladder, Stomach, Colon, Reproductive Organs, or Pancreas. That all Said I fully believe this Hypothesis of Dark Web Forced Self Cannibalism is BULLSHIT.

If this was indeed the case The Man would need to be hooked up to SEVERAL Medical Devices/Machines after a Serious Surgery like removing Multiple Organs (Not to mention The Man would at Least Bare, Bare fucking Minimum have an IV Line which He does NOT)

   

The Second Most Popular Possible Explanation is Essentially the sam as the First with ONE MAJOR DIFFERENCE. The Difference is in this Story The Man AND HIS WIFE are Kidnapped and Held Hostage. The Wife is then allegedly MURDERED by The Couple’s Costumed Captors. Yup You got it after MURDERING the Wife the Captors made a SOUP CONTAINING OF HER ORGANS, and are Forcing The Man to Eat It. Again I think this Hypothesis is Horseshit.

If there was In Fact a Wife why is there No Mention of Her because right away We know She isn’t in the Video. Also if this is some Sick Shit born of the Dark Web there would have at least be CLUES, HIDDEN SUTLE HINTS pertaining to the Wife because without one How The fuck can We or Anyone assume is a Soup made of Her Organs?!

        

The Other thing that seems a bit odd about the 2 above Hypothesizes is in BOTH SCENARIOS the Cannibalism surrounds the Consumption of Human Organs. When Someone mentions the Topic of Cannibalism People immediately associate that with the EATING OF HUMAN FLESH (Organs are virtually Never Addressed outside of a Handful Historical Accounts. Just Google FIJI CANNIBALISM)

Thus to Claim the Soup is made from Human Organs seems Suspect. It’s as if Someone was/is REALLY trying to Sell the Hypothesis, and They switched Human Flesh to Human Organs to give it more Authenticity/Believability.

Another Hypothesis is it’s a CHINESE MAFIA EXECUTION VIDEO. Again I call Bullshit. This is FAR, FAR, FAR too fucking Elaborate a scenario to be conducted by The Chinese Mob just Kill Someone. If this had been an EXECUTION VIDEO then How Come We NEVER SAW THE MAN MURDERED?! Thats the Entire and Only fucking Point in this Hypothesis.

      

I imagine if there is an Actual Chinese Mafia EXECUTION VIDEO out there Lurking in the Corners of the Dark Web it would be virtually identical to the Muslim Fanatic Terrorist Execution Videos (minus the Political and Religious Propaganda.) which is just that an Execution Plain and Simple No Theatrics Required.

Another reassuring Hypothesis is it’s a EXTREME FETISH VIDEO where People get Sexual Gratification by Watching Someone Tormented, Suffering, Terrified, Abused or Tortured (Physically, Mentally, and/or  Emotionally) like some sort of Morbid Fuzzy Fantasy Fetish. That at least explain the Costumes, but I digress.

This would be considered to be SNUFF. Now most People hear the word Snuff and Think of the Urban Legend Pornography Films where People fuck, and then One of Them is Murdered on Camera. This is Nothing BUT a Completely Unfounded Recycled Urbana Legend that has been converted into Creepy Pasta.

        

Snuff is Defined as Showing the ACTUAL DEATH of A LIVING HUMAN BEING. This includes all the Videos of Accidental Deaths posted all over the Internet. I mean Reddit has a Room Dedicated to These type Videos called “I Watch People Die”, and that’s not even the Dark (or Deep Web) it’s fucking Reddit. Snuff also includes Actual Footage from War showing People dying in Battle, Terrorist Execution Videos, and MAINSTREAM MOVIES such as Micheal Moore’s Documentary “Bowling For Columbine” which included ACTUAL FOOTAGE of the Shootings Via Security Cameras and shit.

All of it is SNUFF.

   

NOW SINCE Both Videos are from the Infamous Dark Web one of the MOST or very well the NUMBER 1 Hypothesis is that BOTH Videos are Proof that Red Rooms ARE in fact Real.

Red Rooms are Rumored or Supposed to be the LIVE STREAMING of Someone being TORTURED, and eventually Killed on the Dark Web. The basic Red Room Scenario is as follows. A Person is Kidnapped and Held HOSTAGE for 3-5 Days before the Actual Event.

Why is not certain of course. Some speculate it’s to Terrorize the Victim so when the Live Stream Event begins the Victim’s reactions will be exacerbated by the fact They’re half Insane with Fear. And that would make it Far More Entertaining for the Red Room’s Audience.

       

Once the Red Room Event starts the Victim is Tortured Relentlessly until He/She is inevitably killed as/at the Climax of the Show (No Pun intended). The Brutality is Doled out by an Unknown and Masked Torturer/Executioner who is more often than Not is taking Direct Orders, such as Gauge Out Their Eyes or Cut off Their Nipples, from none other than the Red Room’s Paying Audience.

Thats right Folks Red Rooms are STRICTLY a Pay-Per-View Events, and if You want to do more than merely Watch You have the Option to Pay-To-Play. Basically is like pretty much any General Ticket Type System. The “Cheap Seats” are Watch Only and NOTHING More. As One pays More They move up the Red Room Ladder if You will Earning more Privileges the higher One Goes. An Example would be if You Pay More to move up and thus receive a COPY of the Event to watch whenever the mood may Strike You.

       

At the Opposite End of the Spectrum from the “Cheap Seats” are or would be “Box Seats” the Highest Tier One can Achieve. If You have “Box Seats” You can Watch, Receive all Free Additional Gifts, and the MOST Coveted Privilege You can be the Person instructing the Torturer/Executioner. The Victim’s Fate is literally IN YOUR HANDS (Obviously letting the Victim in fact Live and Go Free is NOT AN OPTION.) What You Say GOES.

Well thats a Feast of Food for Thought I’d say so now that We have Covered What This MIGHT be All About We do HAVE SOME ACTUAL FACTS Surrounding BOTH VIDEOS!!!

       

The Following Facts are ALL due to the Hard Work, and  the Creepy Curiosity of YouTube Reignbot. For Without Her I seriously Doubt Anyone would be Aware of the Following Facts.

What is interesting to Me is Reignbot set out to DEBUNK Blank Room Soup, BUT Quickly She found Herself Pulled into the Mystery of it All.

Reignbot did some Research and Found a DAILYMOTION ACCOUNT by a USER NAMED RayRaytv.

On the RayRaytv account were several Videos INCLUDING BLANK ROOM SOUP which was under an Alternate Name of FREAKY SOUP GUY. All the Videos Posted to the Account feature the People Dressed in IDENTICAL COSTUMES to those Worn in Both BLANK ROOM SOUP and TORTURE SOUP!

         

Reignbot then managed to discover the Creator of these So Called Characters was Raymond Persi who is an American Animator, Director, Producer, Screen Writer, Storyboard Artist, as well as a Voice Actor. In Fact Persi is know for His work on Wreck-It Ralph, Zootopia, and even The Simpsons.

Before Hollywood Success Persi had a Traveling Performance Art Group consisting of Characters who are ALL named RAYRAY. They mainly Played in California, but They did get to do a Little Bit of Traveling through out the Project.

WELL NOW,NOW KIDDIES!! It would APPEAR Our Story is Nothing more than Some Promotional Work Whipped Up to Generate Hype For/Around the Persi’s LIVE Performance Art Project RAYRAY…..BUT WAIT RIGHT FUCKING THERE BECAUSE IT IS NOT THE END NOT IN THE LEAST!!!!

        

YOU SEE Reignbot Wasn’t Finished, Her Investigation had Not Concluded. Reignbot went on to locate Persi’s E-mail Address, and then  sent Him an Email asking What His Thoughts Were on the Subject.

NOT ONLY did Persi respond, BUT Reignbot also made the Email available to the Public which was a Very fucking Cool thing to Do.

HERE IS THE EMAIL RAYRAY CREATOR RAYMOND PERSI SENT IN RESPONSE TO REIGNBOT’S QUESTION OF HIS THOUGHTS ON THE BLANK ROOM SOUP VIDEO. Enjoy.

“RayRay is a performance I created years ago. That’s also the two characters’ names; ‘RayRay’. I created them as a way to visualize and haven with my feelings of loneliness and isolation at the time; they were sort of Caricatures of me.

RayRay didn’t have the tools to communicate or express their thoughts, but still stood out and drew attention from the outside world weather or not they wanted to. They started out doodles, then paintings, then art pieces, until finally what you see in the videos; full bodied characters existing and living in the world and yet so completely apart from it. For a project that at it’s core was about isolation and misunderstanding, I met and got to work with a lot of great performers and artists. RayRay mostly performed in LA, but we did get to take them across the US and even to a few other countries!

One time we preformed at a club on the Sunset Stripin Hollywood, I think it was “The Key Club”. It had such a small backstage that the dressing room was a dirty, broken down RV in the alley behind the club! We were preforming with a circus type group that had dancers, drummers, fire eaters etc. This group had a fan base inLA so there were a lot of people there that knew our act.

After the show, we were all in the now empty club, striking the stage and loading equipment (the “not” fun part of preforming). When my group went back to the RV to pack our stuff and go get some food, we found that most of our RayRay props and costumes had been stolen. The Door didn’t;t have a lock and the alley led right to a busy street so it might have been someone in the audience, but really, it could have been anyone.

Needless to say, I was very, very upset. Luckily, we had just had extra costumes made so RayRay could still preform, but it was still a blow to all of us. A few weeks later, I got home from work, turned on my computer, and saw an email with an attachment.

It was the video that every one is now calling “Blank Room Soup”–The guy in the bib with his eyes blacked out eating I’don’t know what out of a bowl with a big spoon and my characters standing around him! I put it up on Youtube so I could share it with my group. We talked about it at length, was the guy crying?Laughing? We couldn’t tell.

Honestly, the strangest part to me wa that “The RayRays” in the video moved and behaved exactly they way they should. (It’s something that new performers had to train for weeks to get right when we rehearsed new acts…I don’t think we had much video online at the time to reference either.)  It was a little strange thinking that the people who were making these videos had been watching us preform for perhaps some time.

Later, I was sent a link to this (it took me a while to remember the name of this page): https://www.youtube.com/user/adana/videos.

I like weird stuff, and even though they were using my stolen characters I found the videos funny (even if they are a little insulting to my creations). Some of the people in my group even reposted some of the RayRAy soup videos later on.  There are more clips than the ones posted, I think the last one I got was a few years ago. You’re making me wonder if the people who made them are seeing all this online attention too…”

Well Friends there You Have it the rest You’ll have to Decide for Yourself and make Your Own Independent Conclusions. Show Promo? Cannibalism? Kidnapping? Murder? Mutilation? Theft? Stalkers? Psychotic Fans? Disgruntled Ex Preformers? Live Stream Red Room? Mob Execution?

The Reality is We will NEVER know, but it will NEVER stop People from trying to Find Out Anyway.

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (29/365)

Lee stood up and stretched like a motherfucker. It been so damn long since His bathroom Break that just like on a long Road Trip Lee’s ass had gone numb. As Lee walked triumphantly out of the Theater with a Particular Kind of Pride at being the very fucking Last Person in the Audience by the End of the Show. It was like a Badge given out to People who’s God given Gift is being able to Survive Massive levels of bullshit without Breaking or Bailing.

When Lee reached the Lobby He walked right into a heated discussion between several of the Audience Members who had left the Show, and were still at the Theater arguing Tooth and fucking Nail with the Theater Manager. Of course They all were aggressively  demanding The Manager refund Their Money because the Show was complete shit.

       

Sitting on a Wobbly Old Stool behind the Vacant Concession Stand sat an Interesting looking Fellow who wasn’t actual involved in the Dispute, but apparently was getting a great kick of watching the Drama unfold with a Smile that was bordering on a Sarcastic Sneer splashed across His face.

Since the Show had been a Bust, and didn’t see the Point in fighting over a Few Bucks (the Tickets were $3) Lee figured  Why not stay and Watch too. At least He’d get some Real Entertainment instead of Pretentious, Lamenting Socially Objective, Over Indulgent Emo Artist Assholes plodding around the Stage thinking They’re all Provocative and Intellectually Deeply Symbolic Implements of Art. Lee strolled causally behind the concessions stand without a single person taking note all accept the Guy behind the Bar who watched Lee the entire way.

        

The Guy was wearing of Well Worn pair of Blue Jeans, Construction Boots that by Their Appearance were Older than Lee, and a Leather Biker’s Jacket adorned with a Collage of Patches and Pins. He had Long Dirty Blonde hair that hung half way down His back, and was sporting a AxCx (The Abbreviation used for the Band Anal Cunt) hat which Lee found very Cool. It was the Stranger’s Silencer T-Shirt that caught Lee’s Eye in particular because Silencer was an Obscure and Short Lived Experimental Black Metal Band Lee liked. This Rare T-shirt Earned Lee’s Initial Approval.

       

“This is fucking Beautiful Bud, This is the fucking Performance Art of Everyday Life. I’ve been here since the beginning and These People are gearing up to go to War over a piddly $3 Loss which is so not worth this Reality TV Show fucking Drama. I do have to admit though it’s one hell of a Show especially after that Buffett of Over the Top Exaggerated Bullshit.” said the Stranger in a matter of fact tone as if He was commenting on the Weather or some other banality.

“So what’s going on here exactly?” Lee asked inquisitively trying to get an Assessment of the Situation that was unfolding Before Him.

        

“Well the Dynamic here is this. As You can damn well tell the Theater Manager is the Angst Ridden Fellow with the Clip Board that looks like He’s about to have a Stress induced Aneurysm.” Said the Stranger who paused for a moment to take a Hearty Pull off a Pint of of Phil’s Fine Fortified Red Wine (that he had stashed in the Inner Breast Pocket of His Jacket) before continuing His tale.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Insomnia Inducing Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (30/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (28/365)

The Lights went out again as the Shell Shocked Performer was escorted off to seek Medical Attention no doubt, and for the Second Time the Poor Janitor had to come clean more Bodily Fluids off of the Stage in the Dark. During this Emergency Intermission Lee hear the stumbling sounds of yet more Members of the Audience had had Enough, and Stormed off to more than likely Demand a Refund.

By the time the Spot Light once again Illuminated the Tiny Theater Lee was extremely fucking happy that this was the Final fucking Act. For the Final Act an Obese Man who had to be pushing 400 and standing an unimpressive 5′ 2″ on a Good Day. He was wearing one of those humiliating Hospital Gowns with the fucking Ties in the back to keep the fucker closed.

        

Lee understood and could Fully Appreciate the Medical Reasons for Their Design, but still Lee considered Them to be more Insult to Injury than Medically Necessary. It was Indisputable that it was vital to the Patients well being to be Dressed in this mockery of a Gown as They call it in the Medical Community. Lee damn well knew it was so the Doctors can Grab whatever  Part of You that They need Access to (for Poking, Pounding, Prodding, Probing, or Puncturing) as Fast as Possible since in Medicine Time IS a Deciding Factor.

For Lee there were 3 questions about Hospital Gowns that had always lingered in Lee’s Mind. One was Why the hell couldn’t the fucking Material be made of something thicker or more substantial that the feeble glorified Toilet Paper?! The Doctors/Nurses aren’t ever going to fucking inject you Through the Gown regardless since doing so would contaminate the Needle.

      

Second Why the hell did the Ties have to be located at the fucking back which lets fucking face it is the most inconvenient spot to try and Tie so fucking thing. Why couldn’t the Ties be in Front or at least located on the Side anything would be better than on the fucking Back.

Three why the hell especially if They’re made out of Thin, Cheap, and Flimsy Material why the fuck does it have to be White AKA Almost fucking see through?! What the fuck do moronic Designs or what have You do, They don’t conceal shit very well if thats Their fucking Point.

Lee’s Fourth Question was why the hell couldn’t the Medical Gowns be fucking Longer. This thought always made Lee chuckle since there were so many Catholic High School Girls continuing the Ongoing Battle for Their Uniform Dresses being Shorter. Lee’s point was if shit goes down and the Doctors rush in to do Immediately Necessary Medical shit, and first would Open up the Gown. And since basically at that point They Medical Personnel have access to Your Fully Naked Body so why couldn’t They just be longer?! They weren’t fucking Cocktail Dresses for fuck’s sake.

       

Lee shook himself to Dispel the Daydream He was Diving into about Medical Gown Questions and Improvements. Once Lee’s faculties had righted themselves Lee saw That the Man in the Medical Gown had indeed unfastened the back of the gown, and it was now flying open. The Man had bent over at the waist and placed His hands on His Knees.

He then reached down to pick up a Small Lime Green Notebook that was laying in front of Him, and started to read aloud. It turned out He was reading Excerpts from “The Vagina Monologues” intermingled with Lyrical excerpts from various Songs by 2 Live Crew. The Man was reading the add mix of Literature and Lyrics with the Great Enthusiasm and An Unbridled Passion.

       

Lee looked around the Theater to see how many Audience members there in Fact were still remaining. Lee quickly counted 3 including Himself , but the Absence of a Viable Audience didn’t deter The Large Man on Stage in the least. The Man on Stage ended up reading for 45 minutes before standing upright, Closing the Note Book, and Staring strait into the Black Void of the Almost Empty Theater.

After 30 seconds or so the Man Lifted cast off His Hospital Gown, and Hoisted up His Belly to reveal a Monster Cock that was as thick as it was Long. He then lifted His Massive Member showing the Audience He was in Fact a Legit Eunuch, and where His Scrotum had been was a Intricately Detailed and quite Life like Tattoo of a Vagina. “I am The Recycled Sex a Homemade Hermaphrodite.” the Man proclaimed before walking off the Stage.

   

Lee now fully believed that Performance Art’s reputation for Weird Beyond the Fringe on The Fringe shit was Well Warranted, and that the Show He had just watched was all the Proof He needed. Accept for the Theremin Player Lee thought that Guy was fucking Awesome.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrows Nail biting Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (29/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (27/365)

The Performer Guy  held the Christ like Pose for a few seconds before breaking into a full blown Gregorian Chant. Lee found it admirable that the Performer knew Latin since who the fuck spoke Latin as it had already been  declared a Dead Language?! Once the Performer was finished singing He placed the Hammer down laying along the 2 by 4 with a Bizarre Ritualistic sense of Reverence.

Next the Guy retrieved an Old Beaten Up Bible, and a Rickety Music Stand from behind the wings. He opened the Bible to a Pre Marked Page, and started to Read the part of the Bible about The Last Supper  in a Booming (almost Sing Song like) Baritone. Just as Lee was entertaining the idea of a second Bathroom break things started to pick up.

        

The Preformer started to speak Faster, and Faster like an Auctioneer on Crack Bender as His words began to Blur together Indecipherably. As He was reading at this point the Performer reached down and extended the bottom part of His Foreskin. He then held the section of His Foreskin in place using the insanely sharp looking Tip of the Massive Looking Nail.

Suddenly the Performer screamed out “THE BODY OF CHRIST!!!” like His fucking Life depended on it. This Snapped the Meager Audience back to Reality. As soon as He finished the word Christ the Performer picked up the 5 pound Hand Held Sledgehammer in His right Hand, Raised it High over His head, and then He brought it down (with all the might He could Muster) onto the Head of the Nail in one swift Blow. The Hammer struck the Nail with the loud Metallic Twang of Metal meeting Metal head on. The Nail Plunged almost all the way through the fucking 2 by 4 .

        

It was then that 3 of the 11 Audience Members present got up and left looking repulsed and pissed at the same time. Lee figured this Performance was like the others designed as an over the top Circus of Shock and Awe. And Lee would be damned if He was going to be the so called first on to flinch. This was an Abrasive Performance Art Showdown, and Lee was about to fucking loose.

The Performer returned to Reading about the Last Super from the Old Beaten Up Bible. This time His speech sped up much faster than the last time around, and Lee figured thats the way it is when you just impaled your Penis in front of a fucking Live Audience. As the Performer was building up Steam a Stage Hand in a Slayer T-shirt not so subtly snuck out and handed the Performer a Regular Standard Household Hammer.

        

This time the Performer Screamed Out “THE BLOOD OF CHRIST!” before taking the Claw of the New Hammer, and Violently Pried  the Nail out of the Board and His Foreskin. As soon as the Nail exited His Flesh a fucking torrent of blood came gushing forth like somehow His dick had been transformed into a fucking Fire Hose it was truly unreal.

The Performer jumped back from the 2 by 4, and took His fucked up Foreskin and tried to pull it over the head of His cock. This looked to Lee like  a strange attempt to stop the Profuse Amount Bleeding by turning His cock into an impromptu Water Ballon of sorts. Maybe the first thing the Performer (being uncircumcised) though of when looked down at His Bloody Bellend the first thing that popped into His head was Sausage. And thusly He was trying to use His Foreskin to create a kind of Casing if You will. Aside from the Odd Reasoning behind the Weiner wrapping idea it also was failing to work as copious amounts of Blood was being Splattered all over the fucking Stage at this point.

        

Stay Tuned Kiddies for the Next Stellar Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (28/365)

Thanks for Reading,

   By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (26/365)

As it turned out The Dueling Ted Nugents clashing in a Inflatable Kiddie Pool filled with Spam turned out to be quite Anticlimactic. As instead of flat out Brawling the Two Teds were having a choreographed Fight which looked to be a Hybrid of Professional Wrestling and Kung Fu. To make it suck even worse They were fighting in a Slow Motion Matrix Style Rip Off.

Lee couldn’t tolerate the Slow Motion Slaughterfest in Spam a moment longer so He opted to take a leak. Lee descended the Stair case back into the Dismal Lobby where He searched for the Restroom Door. Lee located it at last over on the Far Wall past the crappy Concession Stand.

        

Once Lee reached the Restroom Door He pushed it open only to discover it didn’t lead to an actual Bathroom, But to the Cramped Trash Packed Ally  next to the Theater. Lee figured when in Rome (or an Ally in Rome in this Case), and walked over to the nearest Dumpster. Lee was being extremely cautious no to step on any of the Garbage that was strewn about the Ally. The last fucking thing Lee needed was to catch Hepatitis or Herpies in addition to witnessing this ridiculous Performance Art absurdity.

Lee went back into the Theater and returned to His seat. Once seated Lee noticed the Two Teds had vacated the Stage, and the Next Act was now on Stage. Thank fuck thought Lee taking a piss had been the perfect way to avoid anymore Spam induced Shit. On Stage there was a Man who looked to be in His fifties suffering from a classic case of Male Pattern Baldness leaving His remaining hair looking like a Common Clown Wig.

        

He was Shirtless and Lee was truly dumbfounded by how much fucking Body Hair this Guy had. There was so much hair that it looked to Lee like this Guy had missed a step or two in the Evolutionary Process. Serious Lee thought this Guy must be the Subject of a ton of Bigfoot Sightings, and the Unknowing Star of hundreds of Sensational Bigfoot Captured on Film Videos. Lee figured that a real live Specimen of a Bigfoot is essentially a Cryptozoologist’s Wet Dream come True.

The Man who too Lee’s disappointment was wearing a pair of Kaki Slacks instead of say Shorts or possibly a swim suit who fucking knew in a Venue like this One Lee found Himself in currently. The Man on Stage also had on a Pair of Black Dress Shoes so Lee couldn’t see how Big win fact this dudes feet were, and couldn’t help wondering if the Black Shoes were intentional to hide perhaps this Guys Big Feet?!

      

The an went over to the Side of the Stage to retrieve a couple of Saw Horses, a 2 by 4, a 5 pound Hand Held Sledge Hammer, and a Nail that honestly could have been a fucking Railroad Tie. The Man set up the Saw Horses about 4 feet apart and then He places the 2 by 4 across them like a Balance Beam. The Man then took the Nail and Put it in His mouth Sideways Biting  Down on it Gingerly. He perched the Hammer balancing it precariously at the far right end of the 2 by 4.

Once the Performer Guy had his Set Up as situated He nonchalantly took His pants off folding them delicately before placing them at His feet. Again to Lee’s dismay The Guy managed to remove His pants OVER his Shoes depriving Lee of yet another curious glance at the size of His feet.

        

The Man then pulled His Boxer Shorts down to His ankles in one fluid motion, Stood Up, Plopped His Flaccid Penis onto the 2 by 4 in front of Him, Took the Nail out of His Mouth with His left Hand, Picked up the Hammer with the Right, and the Blurted out “I GIVE YOU…THE CIRCUMCISION OF CHRIST.” before holding up both the Hammer and Nail in outstretched Arms in a Crucifix Pose.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrows Harrowing Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (27/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (25/365)

There was then a short “Intermission” that is if You call sitting in complete and utter darkness for 5 minutes while the Stage was being Reset. Lee was thinking to Himself in the meantime that while as Brutally Savage the Young Guy craping in a Bucket had some serious balls. That and the piece was far too long so He should consider using a Laxative next time to speed things along.

        

The Spot Light blaring back on like a Fucking Lighthouse. On Stage was a Man standing rigidly behind a Theremin (Thereminophone), and wearing a full head to toe Black Body Stocking.  The Body Stocking was decorated with Random Cliche Space shit in Dayglo Paint. A Pre Recorded Narration started to play from not a not so legit Sound System, but from a shitty 1980’s Boom Box at the back of the Room. Lee had to satisfy His curiosity and peered over His shoulder. Lee was delighted to discover to see He was exactly right about the BoomBox.

Then Bored sounding Narrator that was some Monotone Kid mumbling almost incoherently at points about Inner Dimensional Time Travel like one of those Fanatical Sci Fi assholes that argues in Klingon. Lee felt the Intro was Purely Self Indulgent because it was just Token Space Topics like Light Speed, Blackholes, Time Travel, Alternate Dimensions, Extraterrestrials, Worm Holes, and Life on Mars being rattled off by some thoroughly Uninterested Kid (who more than likely was the Performer’s actual Kid).

       

The Intro Recording ended and the Performer launched into a what can only be explained as Speed Metal on a Theremin. It totally blew Lee’s Balls Off. He just couldn’t get past how fucking Awesome the Performance actually was. He had thought it would just some Overindulgent Emo Loving Sci Fi Freaky  Nerd dredging on and on through what He would classify as “Musical Soundscapes” or something similar as fuck that it might be called.

After a Blistering Round of Theremin Speed Metal (as Lee was calling it) the Performer threw the Theremin over sending it crashing down to the Stage. It landed with deep and solid thud. Lee assumed this was the Theremin equivalent of a Metal Guitarist smashing Their Guitar at the end of a Song/Set. Lee found the Overturning of the Theremin to be the Icing on the Cake as far as He was concerned.

      

The next Act featured to Men wearing only Red 70’s Bicycle Shorts and matching Ted Nugent Halloween Masks. The Two Men stood facing one another from the Opposite Ends of a Large Inflatable Kiddie Pool. The Kiddie Pool was almost completely filled with an Unidentified Meat or Meat Product. It looked to be some shit ton of an unappetizing Canned Meat Product to Lee making Him a bit Queasy.

Then a Song from a particular Monty Python Skit featuring Spam started playing from the Boombox in the back “Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam….” as the Two apparent Advisories swayed Side to Side switching Their weight from Foot to Foot eyeing each other up. The Song then arrived at an Audio Clip of Dialog (also from the the Skit) which had be Edited in Exclaimed “But I DON’T LIKE SPAM!” the Two Performers Lunged at One Another as They entered the Kiddie Pool to engage in Battle.

        

Stay Tuned Kiddies for the Next Deviant Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (26/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (24/365)

Lee entered the Small Lobby and looked around as His eyes adjusted to the Dim Light. Everything was painted Black The Walls, Door, Ceiling, and Concession Stand which made it all that more difficult to see anything at first. The Concession Stand was defunct with an Outdated Popcorn Maker, A Soda Dispenser that was coated in cobwebs, and an entirely empty Display Case.  Lee couldn’t figure out why the Theater Owners weren’t selling Candy and Soda since that shit boosted the Bottom Line when it came to profits.

Lee walked up a flight of stairs into the Tiny Theater which had max seating of 50 people at most. The Chairs were simply the run of the Mill folding Metal Chairs in rows sending a homemade Riser. Again every fucking thing was painted Jet Black. There was a handful of onlookers in the Audience that topped out at 11 people including Lee sitting motionless as if They were Tibetan Monks Meditating. Lee found the unyielding Silence to be rather unnerving since it reminded Him of a fucking Funeral Home.

       

Then at last the lights dimmed down, a Gentlemen who looked like a Long Haul Trucker fresh off the road appeared from god knows where and stood unenthusiastically next to the sole Spot Light (there wasn’t another sort of Stage Lighting to be found). After a brief pause The Curtin crept open and the Spot Light jumped into action.

The First Act was called “Pregnant with Myself: The Inner Child Defined”. The Act consisted of a Young Female Contortionist preforming a 3 stage Interpretive Dance.  The First Stage was Her inpregnationg Herself by having Sex (Not Masturbation) with Herself followed by Her being Pregnant with Herself. The last Stage, Stage 3 was Her giving Birth to Her fully Grown Self with an exorbitant amount of Fake Blood.

       

The Contortionist was followed by a Young Man that appeared to be in His late Twenties in Jeans and plain blue t-shirt who walked very deliberately onto the stage, set down an empty 25 Gallon Plastic Bucket, then dropped His pants, Sat Down on said Bucket, and then spent the next 57 minutes taking a shit in it while playing Candy Crush on His Cell Phone. It was then that Lee realized WHY the Theater didn’t sell anything Edible.

The 3rd Act was a Pair of Fuzzies who came out one dressed as a Bright Pink Unicorn and the Other was Dressed as a Tyrannosaurus Rex . They then proceeded to play a few Children’s Games like Leap Frog and a 2 person game of Duck, Duck, Goose before Standing side by Side. Once the Fuzzies were standing next to one another shoulder to shoulder They undid the Velcro that covered Their crotches exposing the Unicorns erect cock and the T-Rex’s freshly shaven Vagina. The Two the engaged in Mutual Masturbation until Both Climaxed and fell over. Lee pitied the Janitor who had to clean that shit up before the Next At took the Stage.

\        

Stay Tuned for the Next Fun Filled Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (25/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (23/365)

Lee noticed as He was driving to the Theater that it was located in what He like to call the Artistic Industrial Zone. This Area on the Outskirts of the City was know by Locals as The Industrial Art Zone. The Area had been dubbed the Industrial Art Zone because used to be a Bustling Industrial Hub decades ago before facing the harsh Economic Hardships during the Great Depression. Since the Big Manufacturing Businesses had Closed Shop, and Left Town due to Bankruptcy the Area had remained virtually untouched like one Giant Ghost Town comprised of Crumbling Factories, Dilapidated Warehouses, and Abandoned Store Fronts that lined the Pothole plagued Road.

        

Over the last few Years the Vacant and Decaying Neighborhood had become a sort of unofficial Mecca for the City’s Struggling Artists as well as Small Time Art Galleries, Movie Houses, and Theaters that operated on a Shoestring Budget had set up shop due to the incredibly reasonable rents (which is a nice way of saying Cheap as Hell). The cheap rates and Large Lofts provided the Artist not just a Roof over Their head, but an amply work Space as Well.

       

Lee had a rather depressing thought cross His mind which was He wondered how much longer it would be before Scourge of Gentrification would arrive and displace the Artistic Residents for fucking Star Bucks, and other Pretentious Businesses that catered to the invading Wealthier Demographic. Fuck Trends and all things fucking Trendy Lee thought to Himself why does society succumb to the desire and will of the Rich?! Money Lee thought to Himself was a real motherfucker.

    

Lee pulled up to the Theater, Parked, Pumped a handful of Quarters into the Meter (Lee was amazed was even there and on Functional on top of that), and walked up briskly to the Ticket Window. What Lee nonchalantly had assumed was just good old glass appeared to in fact be Bullet Proof Safety Glass (the kind One finds at All Night Gas Stations, and in Connivence Type Stores in Seriously Shitty Places).  There was a Tall Thin Man in His Twenties with Pale White Skin that if was any Paler it be fucking Transparent., Sunken Eyes that seemed to be actively retreating into Their Sockets, and with Stringy shoulder length Hair. The Ticket Guy looked as if He was on the verge of Passing the fuck out on His face or Nodding Off due to being Strung Out on Heroin and was currently Under the influence.

In the end Lee couldn’t decide if the Ticket Teller was in fact a Hardcore Goth or a Hardcore Junkie either which way it was too hard to Tell considering both were perfectly Viable Options in this part of Town.

       

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Mind Warping Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (24/365)

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (22/365)

Since Lee’s first Day at the Gas Station until Monday since Bob told Him He had to fire a current knucklehead first. And since it was Saturday Lee went back to His car to jump on His phone right quick Google to see what was going on in the Area. As Lee lazily scrolled down the unimpressive List of Weekend Events in and around town one finally caught His eye it was a Show called “The Performance Art Extravaganza” that was playing at a tiny Theater named “The Performance Art Arena”.

Lee found the similarity between the Show’s name, and the Theater’s name lame as hell since there wasn’t any creative though behind either. Lee popped over to The Theater’s website to get further details on the Show. There wasn’t in fact a whole hell of a Lot of available Pertinent Information since the Website looked like a fucking French Avant Guard Student Film. To add insult to injury there were only vague descriptions of the various Events They were hosting that Month.

        

Lee found the Show and clicked on it for specific details pertaining to that Nights performance of whatever the fuck a Performance Art Extravaganza was. The Description was short and seemed to lack a point. All the summation of the Show said was  “A Night of Emotion and Thought as 7 Different Artist preform Their unquietly Personal Art Pieces for an Evening of Intellectual Stimulation and Profoundest of Thoughts”

Lee couldn’t make heads of fucking Tales of the Show’s description so He scrolled down to see Who the Artist/Act Was to see if that might help clarify some semblance of an explanation. The First Act was Titled “I’m Pregnant with Myself” by Lillian Louise followed by “Outhouse Orchestra” By Otto Arse. At that point Lee stopped reading as He was getting No Where at all.

       

Lee figured why the hell not go to See the Show anyway since He didn’t have any plans, and Time to Kill before starting His New Job on Monday. After an aggravating hour in bumper fucking Traffic due to a Horrendous Auto Accident. A Propane Truck had swerved out of its Lane, and side swiped a Bus full of Nuns. Both Vehicles careened off the Road. The Propane Truck ended up Sandwiching the Bus  between It and the cement Safety Barrier. When the Vehicles collided with the Safety Barrier the Propane Truck Exploded on Impact instantly Obliterating everyone involved in the Accident.

Stay Tuned Kiddie for Tomorrow’s Reality Warping Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (23/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober