Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (18/365)

Lee awake around 7:00am and remembered He needed to get a New Job. SO Lee started His morning routine starting with a Lengthy Shower. After His shower Lee headed downstairs, turned on the Coffee Maker, Packed His Bong, and sat down with the Want Ads.

Lee wasn’t too concerned about the prospect of landing a new job as Lee had done His homework. You see with Lee’s Personal People Watching Employment Plan He had to keep one Eye on the immediate future since He only allowed 90 days per Job. So Lee had gotten in the habit of par-oozing the Want Ads on a Daily Basis to see what was currently available, and might be a Future Employment Prospect (aka a Job He’s get a kick out of having).

        

Some of the Jobs Lee had scouted Possible Prospects especially in the last couple of weeks which had yielded a Plethora of Potential. Some such Jobs were for example A Trailer Park Supervisor, A Parking Lot Attendant, and Rest Stop Night Time Security Guard. he had also contemplated working at An Exotic Pet Shop, Cigar Shop, Tattoo Parlor, Brewery, and perhaps in a Pawn Shop too.

Lee took some time to mull things over in His mind as He drank His Coffee while intermittently Hitting His Bong. When all was said and done Lee who had always been bad at making designs was No Closer to His answer than He had before. Since Lee found Himself in this hapless situation decided to copout, and use the Shitty Cliche Romcom meets Dipshit Disney Method.

       

Feeling like a suckass Sellout Lee wrote out His options on Post It Notes, and then stuck them in no particular order to the wall of His Living Room. Lee made all His Life decisions in His Living Room. Lee thought it appropriate considering the Historical Rebranding of the Living Room.

To keep it simple the History of the Living Room is as follows in a condensed version. Originally what are now Living Rooms were called Parlors as in Funeral Parlor. Times and Society changed when Undertakers Opened Mortuaries, and the Science of Embalming was Discovered. Thus Families didn’t have to Display Their dead Family Members in the From Room of Their House for Several Days before Burial (basically at Home Wake that lasted typically 3 Days).

       

It was at this time in History that The Parlor which was associated with Sorrow and Death was simply and brilliantly renamed The Living Room. The reason is simple the Room Associated with Dying would now be the exact opposite a Room for Living. Thats why Lee thought it just made sense to make major Life Decision and the like in His Living Room.

Lee had all the Post Its up on the wall at last. He then Took a Huge Hit from The Bong, Closed His Eyes, and Exhaled Slowly He threw the Dart to decide the Next Step in His Destiny.

      

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrows Thrilling Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (19/365)

Thank for Reading,

By Les Sober

Life and Death in Architectural History

For the most part most of people today are well aware that during the Victorian Era (June 20, 1837 – January 22, 1901) Society and People in Large were absolutely OBSESSED with Death. This led to a variety of practices that can seem by todays standards to be outrageous, Bizarre, Morbid, and just plain Sick.

Some of these unusual practices pertaining to Death in the Victorian Era were as follows. Postmortem Portraits meaning ( Note: prior to 1839 all Portraits were PAINTED by hand) the relatives of the Dead would dress the Deceased and stage them in in Life Like poses for a Photograph, Especially Infants and Children.

There was also the practice of Wearing the Hair of the Dead. The hair could be put in a locket or more commonly made into a piece of Jewelry such as Brooches, Bracelets, Rings or Chains.

Another was the practice of Covering Mirrors. Once the family member died all mirrors in the House were immediately covered. This was done because if a mirror in the House fell and broke it was a sign someone else in the Household would die soon as well. Also to avoid bad luck the clock(s) in the house of the Deceased would be stopped at the exact time of their passing. Lastly when the body was removed from the premises it had to be carried out Head First so that it wouldn’t beckon other members of the Living to Follow.

Now if SEVERAL family members of the same family died EVERYONE and EVERYTHING that entered the Family Home would be wearing a Black Ribbon to PREVENT THE DEATHS FROM SPREADING FURTHER.

For my last example I will use the practice of taking all Family photos and turning them face down. This was to prevent the Deceased’s Spirit form POSSESSING Relatives and Friends alike.

Back in the Victorian Era Funeral Homes had very little to do with Death other than selling Coffins, and possibly providing the Grave Digging Service too. So when it came to such things as a Viewing/Wake it fell solely on the Families shoulder’s.

Based on what we have seen by the first example (Death Portraits) you better believe a Viewing/Wake was deemed absolutely necessary, BUT the question was “Where the hell do we Keep and Display The Dead?!” Without the services of Today’s Funeral Homes Families would hold the Viewing/Wake (which could last several days) in their house.

Since you couldn’t display a body in the kitchen, Houses when they were built had a Parlor Room. This room specific and really only purpose was to display Dead Family for the Viewing/Wake. And yes the name Parlor was a shortened version of Funeral Parlor.

Over time of course Funeral Homes realized their was a shit ton of cash they were missing out in in the Death Service Field. Slowly Funeral Homes came to resemble those of today offering a SLEW of Funeral options, but most importantly They had their own Viewing areas for Wakes. Thus Parlor’s found themselves unemployed and thrown out on their collective ass.

The issue that confronted POST Victorian Era Architects (and Society as a whole) was the lingering stigma of The Parlor. As we all can image as long as houses were built with Parlor’s the vision of Dead relatives on display would haunt the room’s reputation until the end of Time.

What comes next is NOT AN EXACT nor ANYWHERE CLOSE HISTORICALLY ACCURATE retelling of how The Parlor problem was Fixed.

One day on January 1, 1901 the American Architecture Society met for a special conference that was being held for the sole reason of coming up with a viable solution for the Prevalent Parlor Problem. The conference was held in a small town of Mortuary located on the outskirts of Death Valley in Sunny California. They unanimously agreed at the time that the Town name and Location were quite appropriate, and if your going to have a convention dealing with Death best to have it in a beautiful Sunny State full of Bleach Blonde Surfers?!!

Any who the morning was a complete wash, no one could see to come up with even a half decent answer to the Parlor Problem. By Noon everyone’s blood sugar was in their ankles so the Mediator called 60 minutes for Lunch hoping after a good meal the Men’s mental faculties might actually yield a solution.

As the Conference was breaking for Lunch a young attendy (an Architectural Student from Erroneous University in Pluskin the East end of South Dakota) by the name of Eger Herberts over heard two fellow attendees conversation on the said subject of Lunch. One Man had asked the other where exactly should they go for Lunch today. The 2nd Man replied he thought Lunch at The Lively Leprechaun Kitchen and Bar would be a good idea. To that the First Man said “Ah Food and Drink under one roof now thats Living!”

Right then Eger had his Epiphany and immediately ran over a pushed the conferences Emergency Stop Button. Once The Emergency Stop Button was pushed all in Attendance had to Stop dead in their tracks, and await instruction. Once everyone was motionless and silent Eger announced his answer.

“What’s the OPPOSITE of Death? Life! LIVING! We rename it a LIVING ROOM, Thats POSITIVE as all get out Right?!”

After the Shock and Awe wore off it was put to a vote right there on the spot and as a result the (Funeral) Parlor was REBRANDED as what we know of today as yes a Living Room.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober