Tag: lloyd Kauffman

FYB’s Fabulously Fucked Up Friday Night Film: TERROR FIRMER!!!

Welcome to FYB’s Fucked Up Friday Film is Proud to Present TROMA ENTERTAINMENT’s 1999 Horror Comedy Cult Classic the One and Only “TERROR FIRMER!!!

           

Terror Firmer is Directed by Independent Film Icon, and Troma Co-Founder Lloyd Kaufman. The Movie features several Direct References to Previous Troma Movies such as THE TOXIC AVEGER, and Includes Infamously Famous Troma Props like the “Penis Monster” from Troma’s Movie “TROMEO AND JULIET”. Terror Firmer is Loosely Based on James Gunn (who is one of Troma’s few Actual Employees and Writers of Terror Firmer) and Lloyd Kauffman’s Book Titled: All I Need To Know About Filmmaking I Learned from the Toxic Avenger.

Brief Plot Summery: Terror Firmer is the Story of a Low-Budget Film Crew in New York, led by Their Insane and Egotistical BLIND Director Larry Benjamin (Played by Lloyd Kauffman Himself) , who is Trying to Create a Cinematic Masterpiece. In Addition to the Typical Trials, Tribulations, and Travails of working on a Troma Set, the Crew Members are being MURDERED  by a SEXUALLY CONFLICTED HOMICIDAL SERIAL KILLER!

           

Terror Firmer Centers Mainly on Production Assistant Jennifer, who Struggles to do Her Job while trying to Decide between the Two Men in Her Life; the Strait Laced Boom Operator Casey, and the Rebellious Special Effects Operator Jerry. The Love Triangle Intensifies as the DEAD BODIES START TO MOUNT with Increasing BRUTALITY! The Entire Film Crew must Band Together (both Physically and Sexually) Against the Mortal Threat in Their Midst in this Movie within a Movie. Enjoy.

[NOTE To The Viewer: We were Only Able to Locate Two Free Copies of Terror Firmer the First of Which was Completely  CENSORED. Cencorship is fucking UnAmerican, and Something Troma has Stood Against for  Decades.   The Version of Terror Firmer Featured here is the Second Free (and UNCENSORED Version of the Film) which unfortunately comes with Annoyingly Extraneous Sub Titles Which You’ll have to Turn Off Manually.]

We Hope You Enjoyed this Tale of Troma and The Psychotic Transexual as Much as We Did.

Thanks for Watching,

  Presented by Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (8/365)

I apologize that this post is quite a bit late. It’s currently 12:11am. By current Standards that technically Tomorrow so I neglected to get this so called Daily Post in by the Midnight Deadline. I personally think Midnight is far to early to Count as the Next Day. I believe that time is 3:00am. Some Say Six but that Midnight’s exact extreme Opposite. I will try to adhere to th Rules I set for Myself regarding this Mishap.

   

Shane reached Check Out, and unceremoniously tossed the Dildo onto the Counter. It appeared to Lee that Shane still had something to say on the matter at hand so He decided to engage Shane a bit further to satiate His growing Curiosity.

You see Lee had taken Note when Shane had Dropped the Name Lester Sane as Lee Himself was in fact a Huge Fan of (In)Sane Movies which was Lester Sane’s Production Company. Lee couldn’t pass up a chance to pick Shane’s Brain to find out all He could about one of His Cinematic Heroes.

“Hey Bud I couldn’t help but hear that You work for Lester Sane.” Lee said with a slightly questioning inflection in His voice.

“You heard Right. Whats it like working for or with Lester Sane well His Number One Influence and Icon is Lloyd Kauffman of Troma if You catch My Drift.” Shane replied Earnestly with just a Bit of Incredulous.

 

“Can’t Lie I’m a Big Fan of Troma and (In)Sane,” replied Lee Hoping that His comment didn’t piss Shane off into Shutting Down and thus Ending Their Exchange.

“Lester is actually a quite intelligent, and at heart is truly a Nice and Caring Guy, The Problem is You have to see that through a Thousand Layers of Bullshit, and most People give up or are Run Off before They even have a chance of Knowing the Real Lester Sane. It’s rather fucking Sad You Think about it.” Shane said while Idly Inspecting the Dildo that Started the Whole Debacle not because He gave an actual shit, BUT it provided Him a Focal Point.

“My Brother is the same Type of Personality.” Lee said encouragingly as He Rung Up the Dildo.

   

“Hold on,”Shane blurted Out before reaching over and snatching an adjustable Cock Ring of the Impulse Buy Display at the Register. “There now the King has Everything for His Erectile Empire.”

“I see what You’re saying. It seems some of the most Brilliant Artists blur the Thin Line between Genius and fucking Madness until You can’t seem to distinguish One from the Other” Lee said matter of factly as He tossed Shane’s purchases into a Plain Brow Paper Bag.

Funny Lee thought that the Whole Purpose of the Innocuous Brown Paper Bag to be absurdly Funny.  It was intended to Hide the Fact that You Purchased something Pornographic by disguising it in a Everyday Mundane fashion.  The Irony was that the Jig was Up long ago since People realized Brown Paper Bag approach was just a Rouse. Thus You can’t be a fucking Magician if Everyone knows Your fucking Tricks.

     

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (9/365)

Posting Time: 12:36am

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober