Tag: lost and found

The Backyard Beasts Big Break

It was just one of those mundane and utterly uneventful night a few days back that was until 4:07am. And then all fucking Hell broke loose. My Wife had passed out in her favorite Lazy Boy Recliner around midnight or so, and I dozed off around a little before 3 am.

The Backyard Beasts had been more vocal than usual that evening which now that I think about it was some serious foreshadowing. It was the wailing, Whining, loud, and virtual nonstop barking of the Backyard Beasts that woke my very unamused Wife who then yelled about being woke up due to the son of a bitch beasts. This in turn immediately woke me up and I glanced at the clock which read 4:07 am.

My Wife was shuffling like mad around looking for a flashlight and her shoes. My shoes where near by under the coffee table so I snatched them up, put them on, turned off the alarm system, found my keys, unlocked the door, and bounded out to the front porch.

I start scanning the yard squinting like a motherfucker because we don’t have street lights being so far out in the woods. I cursed out loud for not getting a hold of a flashlight myself as I stared into the night. The I saw it. It was big solid black silhouette standing at the edge of the yard between two trees. The only reason I could see that much was thank to the aid of our neighbors rather promenade out door lights. Their lights backlit the street just enough to see the contrast between the black of night and the black of the beasts.

I yelled to my Wife that there was another Beast out here and that was exciting ours evidently though I was completely wrong. This is not uncommon here in the Woods where people let there dogs roam like free range chickens out and about at all hours doing whatever they please.

I then had a odd feeling and then it clicked. This wasn’t a neighbor’s Beast, it was one of ours, the Brother Beast. I ran down into the yard words the Beast shouting his name, and He came right over. I took hold of his collar with an steely grip of a fucking Bear trap.

My Wife had ran directly to the back gate (instead of entering from the house where the Beasts are forbidden to go) and opened it to go see what she could find the fuck out. In opening the back gate she inadvertently let out the 2nd of our pair of Beasts (their a Brother-Sister Team who are the absolutely inseparable. The Girl won’t follow her Brother so she stayed put in the yard and lamented loudly pleading with her Brother to come the fuck back already.)  The Girl then decided to go rejoin her Brother and tore off like a fucking rocket into the dead of night.

My Wife ran passed me to corral the Sister Beast as I passed her with the Brother Beast in tow. I put the Boy Beast back into the confines of the backyard, and went to help my Wife. All of a sudden I hear her proclaim allowed that she has BOTH Beasts now. I holler back that I’m going to get some leashes to tie up the Beasts while I go inspect the backyard to see where the Beast escaped from.

I searched relentlessly checking the fence, the yard, and looked for any clues such as did he go under or over the Fence? Was the back gate to the yard eft unlocked? That kind of shit. Well after inspecting the backyard I was stumped. So I did the only thing I could and that was to take the gamble. The gamble being that if I had my Wife return the Beasts to the backyard that instead of waiting for me to leave and then escaping again, but rather the Boy would be stupid enough to just go for it right in front of me. Luckily it was the latter.

The dumb bastard trotted around to the opposing side of the house, walked over to the far side of the Air Conditioner, crouched down to the ground by the section of the fence that meets the Home Office, and started to crawl under it like some solider at boot camp running a obstacle course. I hurried over, bent down, and grabbed the Beast at the base of his large tail. As I retrieved the Boy Beast from out under the fence I informed my Wife I found his way out.

I then set to work fixing the issue the best I could with what I had available at 4 fucking AM. First I used some small fence stakes to secure the bottom of the fence like doctor Frankenstein stitching up his Monster. I the placed to long and rather weighty spare wooden beams at the base to help block the dig site/zone. My Wife and I went inside to catch our breath. Then the Mournful Howling started up again. I ran out front and again spotted our Boy bouncing around gleefully in the front yard without a care in the world. I managed once again to catch hold of his collar and wrangled him back into the backyard.

I immediately went to inspect the escape site and saw he had maneuvered the beams out of the way and tore up/out damn near every fence stake. So this time we decided it be best to just section off that small 5 foot long and 3 foot wide area until morning (when I could go to Home Depot and load up on cinder blocks to line the bottom of the fence with. Dig under that you big bitch is the motto) We had a massive and heavy piece of Ply Wood left over from the construction of my Art Studio I had held onto. This was perfect for the job of blockade. It was Long enough to block the space,  tall enough neither Beast could jump or climb over or under it, and it was pretty damn heavy.

My Wife and I were on the porch winding down off our adrenaline fueled frustration when we heard deliberate scratching of claws against wood. We both ran out back again and saw that the leaning Ply Wood wasn’t going to cut it by itself as the Boy Beast was creeping through the space behind it. I went and got the previously used beams and wedged them up against the Ply Wood, but we still need more. I found some old, solid wood barn type doors left over from the previous owner and I knew they had some serious weight to them so I leaned both of them up against the ply Wood, andante again my Wife and I retired to the House.

Yet again We heard the Boy Beast testing the viability of the Ply Wood wall and for what seemed like the 5,000th time went to go evaluate the escape situation. We came to the conclusion the Ply Wood needed yet MORE securing so I went and fetched some of the mock rout iron gates that came in sections down at the Home Depot’s gardening center. I used the pieces of gate the pin the Ply Wood to the Air Conditioner, and it held fast.

Finally my Wife and I got a few more hours of sleep before waking for work. My Wife went off to work as per usual, and I fired up my Lap Top. Then after about an hour or two I heard the Girl Beast’s cry of desperation. I ran to a back window and peered out only to see that fucking son of a bitch Boy Beast standing on the dirt road behind our home office happier than a Prize Pig in shit. I went out and pretended I was giving his Sister a treat (I always give the Beasts a treat before heading out anywhere.), and just like a sucker at a used car dealer he bought it.

I then called my Wife in a foul fit of anger (and exasperation) and told her what happened, and that outside of killing them or myself had come to the end of my rope. She instructed me to house the Beasts on the front porch until she got off work. She said right after she got off she’d head over to Home Depot and pick up the cinderblocks.

I followed her lead and stashed the Beasts on the front porch for the day. I couldn’t help it though I had to see how the hell the Boy had pulled off yet another escape. I was truly surprised at what I found. The Ply Wall was perfectly still intact. After further inspection I realized the Boy Beast I climbed up and over the Air Conditioner Unit to circumvent the Ply Wood, and then simple jumped down the other side into the separated section to dig under the fence.

That evening my Wife returned home with the cinderblocks, and I went about building a Fence Bottom Cinderblock Barrier. Before I laid the cinder blocks down I used a couple sections of the mock fence as anchors. I simply slid the legs of the section of mock fence between sections of the chain link thus pinning it to the ground. The Boy Beast did try and escape again to no vail, but not due to a lack of trying. All I had to due to secure that bottom section of the fence was to tweak the cinderblock’s formation. And all is quite on the Western Front as some would be apt to say.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober  

Dirtbags That Ditch Dogs On Dirt Roads

This is one of those tales that comes along when you already think you know what is going on, and then life swings back around and kicks you in the ass.

Before We relocated to the Souther Country We were well aware that the county We were moving to (Crush County) was pretty poor. Due to a severe lack of funds one of the things Crush County was forced to do was close their Animal Care And Control almost 4 years ago. Recently the Crush County AC&C has been trying desperately to reopen in at least some capacity, but are actually have to rebuild the entire system from the ground up.

In addition again due to lack of funds and resources Crush County doesn’t have a single Animal Shelter, and there no established rescue organizations. There are a few so called “Animal Rescues”, but in reality they people mean well (and want to help) its just that they don’t know how to help effectively, and lack the resources to.

To top it all off attitudes towards pet dogs are significantly outdated. What I mean by that is People aren’t on board with spaying/neutering their pets, Dogs are put out in the morning and allowed to roam until they return home at diner time to eat, Collars are a rarity and next to no Dogs with Name/Rabies tags on their collar if they do in fact have one.

Now heres the story.

My Wife and I were driving to the next town over to buy some supplies we can’t get in our Tiny Town. To reach the neighboring town there is a dirt road short cut which we utilize constantly for its convince. Right as we hit the top of the dirt road we saw two Puppies (large breed pups but pups none the less) sitting on the side of the road looking rather lost and confused. We slowed down as we passed them not wanting to accidentally hurt one of them and waved at them. A second later My wife called my attention the to review mirror. I looked into the passenger’s side review mirror and saw the two pups running after our car desperately trying to keep up. We immediately pulled over and stopped the car. We both exited the car and the two pups came running up to us brimming with glee, and we knew that anyway you sliced it these pups were now our responsibility as we weren’t about to leave them where we found them along side of a deserted dirt road.

An old beat up pick up truck came rambling down the road from the opposite direction so when the truck got near we stopped it, and asked the old man driving if he knew who these pups belonged too? He said with all conviction that he had no idea who’s pups they might be. We then asked the old man what exactly should we or could we do to help the pups as we are new to the area? The old man responded with the same previous conviction that we could leave them, Pick them up or Give them to someone we knew and drove off.

Well as I said abandoning the pups was NOT an option and we don’t know anyone yet being the new kids on the block so we reverted back to what we knew and decided to try and locate the owner. Now like I mentioned earlier collars and tags are not a priority here so as you can imagine the pups had neither, but they were well fed and very friendly (not all dogs here are friendly because there is a feral stray dog population which unfortunately is an ongoing and growing problem.) We heard several dogs barking at the small cement bunker looking like house on the corner at the top of the dirt road. We assumed that the pups must have slipped out the fence so we loaded the pups up into our car and drove the 7 blocks back to the corner house. There were approximately 8 adult (possibly few of them were juveniles) running around barking their fucking heads off in the fenced in backyard of the small house. My Wife got out and started to cross the front yard words the front door when the front door opened a fraction and a little old lady stuck her head out and demanded to know what we wanted. We explained we found these two pups and were wondering if they were in deed hers to which the old woman stated aggressively that she “Didn’t have NO Puppies”, and then she provided us with the reality of the dirt road we mistook for an innocent short cut. After stating that she didn’t have any puppies she shouted angrily that the dirt road was a notorious road for dumping unwanted dogs, and that the illegal abandoning of dogs is a frequent occurrence. Then the old woman pulled her head back inside and slammed to door with a vengeance.

My Wife and I once again loaded up the pups and did the only thing we knew we could and brought the pups back to our home office. Our home office has a large fenced in backyard complete with a large one car garage (and of course we all just park out in the drive way) and we decided we could house the pups there until we figured out what the hell we could do.

Now before any over sensitive animal lovers get ready to give us shit because we did’t bring them inside remember and know this we didn’t know if the pups were destructive, how if at all were they house broken, they needed to be dewormed as well as shots and a serious flea/tick bath. We also have 3 cats and a handicapped Mini Dachshund (she was born completely deaf and half blind) already in our Office and din’t know how the new pups would react/behave around other dogs or cats.

My Wife and I as well as our staff are all animal owners and lovers so as soon as we got the pups back to the office and the staff undated we went to work. We secured the gate so the pups would;t be able to take any unauthorized walks if you will. We then cleaned out and organized the garage, loaded it up with beds, blankets, tons of toys, food/water dishes, treats, and put the pups to bed so to speak.

The next day We bathed both pups for ticks and fleas, took them to the local and only Veterinarian for shots and to pick up dewormer, Heart Worm Preventative, Flea/Tick Prevention, and find out when the pups needed their rabies shot. We also went and spent our weekly beer budget at local Pet Stores buying food, treats, more fucking toys and training treats. We also told the various pet shop employees our story and they all said the same thing “You picked them up in your car and took them to your Home Office, Their your dogs you know that right?”

The Pups are brother and sister Lab/Rotti mixes that were around 12 weeks old when we found them on the side of the road. The Boy is an attention whore, Dopey, Wrestling loving big old ball of goofy that earned him the name Dingus (or Gus for short) and his sister is smart as a whip, the shyer of the two, and extremely loving so we named her Nymh (and yes thats a hats off reference to The Secret of Nyhm) We have had them with us for the last 3 weeks and couldn’t be happier. The Pups don’t have any bad habits like digging or chewing, they are EGAR to please, travel great in the car, Intelligent and full of unconditional love. The Pups have already mastered the commands for Sit, Stay and Down and put a smile on anyones face they come in contact with. As far as any backstory for the pups is concerned I Believe the original owner had a litter of pups they were selling, and these two didn’t get bought. Not only did the pups not sell they started to get expensive (they eat like fucking horses) and less puppy like so the owner decided to dump the dogs on the dirt road. Those assholes’s loss so fuck’em I’m not wasting my time being pissed about it as that is a futile activity.

All in All even though the pups fell into our lap I feel it couldn’t be any more fitting for the start of the new chapter in Our and f-yourblog.com’s Lives. I mean we moved to the Southern Country and acquired two pups that were ditched on a dirt road, and will grow up to be some truly great Big Old Country Dogs.

Thanks For The Read

Les Sober