Tag: malt liquor

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (35/365)

“So what’s the Deal with The Name and the Whole Bitcoin Bullshit about?!” asked Lee inquisitively.

“Well They picked the Name Ride because it Stays off People’s Radar. No One asks Questions. It’s the Hiding in Plain Sight Strategy. You see Everyone  is more than Familiar with the concept of “A Ride” You Know?” answered Dizzy as He Riffled through His numerous Pockets to scrounge up the $4.37 for the 40s.

“Yeah I get it now. No One blinks when You say shit like “Thats My Ride” or “I got to call My Ride” because Ride is so utterly Generic No One Notices being Virtually Oblivious.” said Lee in a Slow Tone of Realization.

       

“So that’s explains the Name for You so what’s the Bitcoin Tie In about? Setting Up Ride so even in some INSANELY RARE OCCURRENCE an Asshole figures Out the Ride Name the Bitcoin is there as Back Up.” explained Dizzy plainly as He took several Prolonged Sips of His 40.

“What the fuck does that Mean? Back Up?! What kind of Back Up are You talking about specifically?!” said Lee in a Condescendingly Irritated Tone as He grew irritated by the Whole dragging out of the Conversation, and wished Dizzy would get to the fucking Point already.

“Alright fucking Relax You ass I’ll explain.,” said Dizzy with a rather Authoritative Tone, “It’s really quite Obvious Regular People Don’t deal in Bitcoin or Don’t know jack diddly shit about Bitcoin period or They deem Bitcoin Shady because of it’s Dark Web Association. So without Bitcoin You can’t use Ride.”

   

“Ok thats a Pretty fucking Smart Idea They came up with.” Said Lee with slight Admiration, “How fucking far is it until We get to Your Place it feels like We’ve been walking for fucking Ever and a Day.”

“Don’t be such a Drama Queen We’ll get there Soon Enough I assure You,” replied Dizzy nonchalantly.

The two continued Their on for a while in Silence as They made quick Work of Their 40s. Then all of Suddenly Dizzy  grabbing Lee’s arm to get His Attention.

“Oh shit Look it’s fucking Dancing Dave!!” Dizzy blurted out in Drunken Excitement.

       

Lee Stopped and looked Diagonally across the Intersection at the Far Corner where Dizzy was Pointing Wildly. There on the Corner stood a Man dressed in a Navy Uniform, but not only that He also was wearing a Stereotypical Kitchen Apron along with a Old School Circa 1920’s-1930’s White Navy Cap. The Man appeared to be in His late 50’s to perhaps Early 60’s and was so Thin he looked a rather Sickly as He could weigh more than 90 pounds Soaking Wet. His skin was badly Weathered, and His Shoulders Hunched as He stood Slouching on the Corner as Still as a fucking Statue.

Dizzy again routed through His pockets until He located a handful of Spare Change which He searched through intently until He found a Couple of Quarters. Dizzy handed one of the Quarters to Lee without saying Why before He took His Quarter and lobbed it across the Intersection at Dancing Dave. The Quarter landed Unceremoniously at Dancing Dave’s Feet bouncing a couple of Times before finally coming to Rest.

       

Tune in for Next Weeks Enlightening Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (36/365)

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober

The F List Continues Baffling Its Creator

As I am sure even if they haven’t read it Readers are aware of two recent Posts Titled F to the U to the C to the K Parts 1 and 2. For those who may not be aware the original Post was a beyond basic “List” if you will of Fucks as in molded in the Fuck “That” format.

The 1st “List” as it were was only meant to be one singular post. Later after it was posted I slowly realized that I had forgotten a few things, and before I knew it I had another whole “Lists” worth of material.

At this point even My Dear Friend SpaceDog whom I have know more years than I can recall right now thought that had to be it.

And so did I.

We were Both Wrong.

The Cycle just reset itself and began once again spawning a 3rd and possibly final Fucks “List” (which is fucking Mind Boggling even for Me)

To say that these posts are not for f-yourblog curious Noobs. This only appeals to the small section of society that truly understand the “Lists”

No One  including Myself wouldn’t blame Anyone for skipping over this or the two prior “Lists” Not by a Long Shot. The One and Only SpaceDog Himself said reading the “Lists” made him feel and I quote “Dirty”

So for those Hardcore enough to withstand the Gruesome Grind I give you List Number 3 in the ongoing F to the U to the C to the K to the series.

The Fucks List Continues:

Fuck Tiny Houses. Fuck Waffle House. Fuck Tail Gating. Fuck the Illogical.

Fuck Colombo. Fuck Nursing Homes. Fuck Coal. Fuck Armed Conflicts.

Fuck Leaky Roofs. Fuck Head Colds. Fuck The Flu. Fuck Foot Notes.

Fuck Traffic Lights. Fuck Neighbors. Fuck Kenny G. Fuck Muzak.

Fuck Flutes. Fuck Ice Machines. Fuck Regulations. Fuck Teletubbies.

Fuck NPR. Fuck AM Radio. Fuck FM Radio. Fuck Satellite Radio.

Fuck Internet Radio. Fuck Chat Rooms. Fuck Shitty Tattoos.

Fuck Manic Panic. Fuck Body Piercing. Fuck Phil. Fuck Jail. Fuck Uniforms.

Fuck Fango. Fuck Fanta. Fuck Soy Milk. Fuck Coconut Water.

Fuck I Can’t Believe Its Not Butter. Fuck Substitutes. Fuck Tori Amos.

Fuck Mr. Brainwash. Fuck Cheap Toilet Paper. Fuck Hand Dryers.

Fuck Port-O-Pottys. Fuck Credit. Fuck Loans. Fuck PayDay Loans.

Fuck The Movie Ratings Board. Fuck Harmonicas. Fuck Loans.

Fuck Finances. Fuck Mortgages. Fuck Predatory Bank Loans. Fuck Loofas.

Fuck Body Spray. Fuck Spas. Fuck Unsolicited Advice. Fuck The Odds.

Fuck Playing It Safe. Fuck Droll Waiters/Waitresses. Fuck Last Call.

Fuck Spray Tans. Fuck Extensions. Fuck Push Up Bras.

Fuck Victoria’s Secret. Fuck Staring. Fuck Foreclosures.

Fuck Insider Trading. Fuck Slow Fast Food Service. Fuck Identity Theft.

Fuck Religious Conflicts. Fuck Home Schooling. Fuck Reunion Tours.

Fuck Being On The Spectrum. Fuck Quiet Riot. Fuck The Beetles. Fuck Yoko Ono.

Fuck Bob Dylan. Fuck The 70’s. Fuck The 90’s. Fuck Dull Knives.

Fuck Dog Racing. Fuck Horse Fighting. Fuck Coming Back Into Fashion.

Fuck Hair Salons. Fuck Sore Losers. Fuck Asshole Winners.

Fuck Dog Fighting. Fuck Gloating. Fuck Howie Mandel.

Fuck Condo Associations. Fuck Middle Men. Fuck People’s Core.

Fuck Hot Yoga. Fuck Carbs. Fuck So Called Upscale Shit. Fuck Cell Towers.

Fuck Dust Bunnies. Fuck Shedding. Fuck Speed Limits. Fuck Spite.

Fuck Malice. Fuck Re Runs. Fuck Whitening Strips. Fuck Date Rape.

Fuck Someone Loves Someone Reality Shows. Fuck The Bachelor.

Fuck The Pick Up Artist Mystery. Fuck Jeff Foxworthy.

Fuck Larry The Cable Guy. Fuck Kevin Hart. Fuck Cialis. Fuck Zoos.

Fuck The Weinstein Brothers. Fuck Beard Art. Fuck Dog Shows.

Fuck Chris Jericho. Fuck Zack Saber JR. Fuck Deep Fried Butter.

Fuck Vince Vaughn. Fuck Decaf. Fuck Papa Johns. Fuck Bell Bottoms.

Fuck Kiss. Fuck Lowe’s. Fuck Property tax. Fuck Non Caffeinated Soda.

Fuck Tim Allin. Fuck Ray Romano. Fuck Jazz. Fuck Noise Bands.

Fuck Synthesizers. Fuck Drum Machines. Fuck Unauthorized Bios.

Fuck Korn. Fuck Morrissey. Fuck Slutever. Fuck Humiliation. Fuck BP.

Fuck Second Rate Sushi. Fuck Tex Mex. Fuck Fusion Restaurants.

Fuck The Cost Of Living. Fuck Maritime Law. Fuck Rush Hour (Traffic).

Fuck Rush Hour Movies. Fuck Steven Seagal. Fuck Dolf Lungrin.

Fuck Jean-Claude Van Damme. Fuck Phish. Fuck The Grateful Dead.

Fuck Petrulli. Fuck Toe Rings. Fuck McRibs. Fuck Ambrosia Salads.

Fuck Jello Molds. Fuck Fruit In Jello. Fuck Fig Newtons. Fuck Flair.

Fuck Glitter. Fuck ARL. Fuck Contradictions. Fuck Cane Toads.

Fuck Fanny Packs. Fuck Snap Bracelets. Fuck Jelly Bracelets. Fuck Mullets.

Fuck Vanilla Ice. Fuck Las Vegas Residencies. Fuck Snake Oil Salesmen.

Fuck Chain Wallets. Fuck Hacks (as in People). Fuck Pokemon Go.

Fuck Cheap Liquor. Fuck Labels. Fuck Swamp Ass. Fuck Anal Leakage.

Fuck Gas Station Bathrooms. Fuck Skiing. Fuck Paddle Boarding.

Fuck Sorry Not Sorry. Fuck Granola. Fuck LOL. Fuck Fisting. Fuck Thrillers.

Fuck Food Porn. Fuck The Unknown. Fuck Love Seat. Fuck Snuggies.

Fuck Voter Tampering. Fuck Dental Vaneers. Fuck Golden Showers.

Fuck Foot Oder. Fuck Bad Breath. Fuck Hashtags. Fuck Lice. Fuck Herpes.

Fuck Bed Bugs. Fuck Bug Bombs. Fuck Trophy Fishing. Fuck Commands.

Fuck Slot Machines. Fuck Full Voice Mail Mailboxes. Fuck Mimosas.

Fuck Homelessness. Fuck Carbon Dioxide. Fuck Braces. Fuck Smoothies.

Fuck Human Resources. Fuck Spanish Fly. Fuck Roofies. Fuck Spyware.

Fuck The Cold. Fuck Vape Shops. Fuck Toe Sucking. Fuck Rhubarb Pie.

Fuck Smoothies. Fuck Fire Ants. Fuck Preconception. Fuck Cosmetics.

Fuck Assumptions. Fuck Evaluations. Fuck Opossums. Fuck Termites.

Fuck Elective Surgery. Fuck Pool Noodles. Fuck North Korea. Fuck 777.

Fuck Web Cams. Fuck Skype. Fuck Microsoft. Fuck Slavery. Fuck Karaoke.

Fuck Vacation Resorts. Fuck Itineraries. Fuck On Schedule. Fuck Profiling.

Fuck Drug Free Work Places. Fuck Netty Pots. Fuck Canned Raccoon Meat.

Fuck Pickled Eggs. Fuck Jerky. Fuck Grits. Fuck Dullards. Fuck Snap Chat.

Fuck The Close Minded. Fuck Vine. Fuck Crabs (Pubic Lice).

Fuck Speed Walking. Fuck Pegging. Fuck Cream Pies. Fuck 7-11.

Fuck Titty Fucking. Fuck Lutefisk. Fuck Canned Meats. Fuck Waste.

Fuck Tea Bagging. Fuck Gristle. Fuck Waste. Fuck Female Circumcision.

Fuck Vice Principlas. Fuck Rats. Fuck Boiled Chicken, Fuck Bottled Water.

Fuck Cheque. Fuck Pasties. Fuck Granny Panties. Fuck The Over Rated.

Fuck False Promises. Fuck Bait and Switches. Fuck Newark. Fuck Trenton.

Fuck South Orange Blossom Trail. Fuck Disney. Fuck Phone Solicitations.

Fuck The Police Athletic League.Fuck The Black Eyed Pea (Restaurant).

Fuck The War On Drugs. Fuck Addiction. Fuck Vices. Fuck CBD. Fuck SWAG.

Fuck Name Tags. Fuck Hospital Gowns. Fuck Social Functions.

Fuck Polities. Fuck Malt Liquor. Fuck The Cost Of Living. Fuck Love Bugs.

Fuck Medical Debt. Fuck Gnats. Fuck Pat Robinson. Fuck Christian TV.

Fuck Gentrification. Fuck Animal Testing. Fuck Mowing The Lawn.

Fuck Jessica Vaughan. Fuck Thomas Homan. Fuck Kirstjen Neilsen.

Fuck Pubic Hair. Fuck Clubs. Fuck Toupees. Fuck Gangs. Fuck The Alt-Right.

Fuck The Proud Boys. Fuck The “I’m Above That” Mentality. Fuck OMG.

Fuck Medical Capitalism. Fuck Pay Per View. Fuck The UFC.

Fuck Sea Monkeys. Fuck Angora. Fuck Corduroy. Fuck Ski Masks.

Fuck Inflatable Lawn Ornaments. Fuck Fake Xmas Trees. Fuck Candy Corn.

Fuck Chemical Warfare. Fuck Water Boarding. Fuck Glory Holes.

Fuck Cheerios. Fuck Table Side Guacamole. Fuck Lectures.

Fuck Thighty Whiteys. Fuck Frozen Rats. Fuck Kazoos. Fuck Mimes.

Fuck Circus Clowns. Fuck Broadway. Fuck Nay Sayers. Fuck Lasik.

Fuck Custom Contact Lenses. Fuck Artificial Vampire Teeth. Fuck Halo.

Fuck Body Modification. Fuck Call Of Duty. Fuck Gamer Chairs.

Fuck Gamers. Fuck Angry Birds. Fuck Words With Friends. Fuck Risotto.

Fuck Candy Crush. Fuck Zucchini. Fuck Invasive Species. Fuck DayQuil.

Fuck Sleep Paralysis. Fuck Red Tape. Fuck Paperwork. Fuck Trivia Crack.

Fuck Sleep Apnea. Fuck Escalades. Fuck Munich International Airport.

Fuck Preferred Customers. Fuck Yard Sales. Fuck Garnish. Fuck Liver Spots.

Fuck Varicose Veins. Fuck IVs. Fuck EKGs. Fuck Nose Hair. Fuck Dipping.

Fuck Cigar Lounges. Fuck Daring Not To Dream. Fuck IQ Tests. Fuck PTSD.

Fuck Bastardizing Dive Bars. Fuck Artificial Intelligence. Fuck  Hair Metal.

Fuck Political Science. Fuck Glam Metal. Fuck Poking (FB). Fuck Toe Rings.

Fuck Revenge Porn. Fuck Trickle Down Economics. Fuck The Boarder Wall.

Fuck Musicals. Fuck Natty Ice. Fuck Day Drinking. Fuck Paddle Boarding.

Fuck Grown Men Who Call Their Fathers “Daddy”. Fuck Mood Rings.

Fuck Promise Rings. Fuck Las Vegas. Fuck Atlantic Shitty. Fuck Dan Hanson.

Fuck Brittany. Fuck Gargling. Fuck Orgies. Fuck Swingers. Fuck Bukacki.

Fuck Nude Beaches. Fuck Patrolman Miller. Fuck Police Corruption.

Fuck White Collar Crime. Fuck Winding Brook. Fuck Designer Drugs.

Fuck Smoking Pot Using An Apple. Fuck Convince Store Coffee.

Fuck Panera Bread. Fuck Above Ground Pools. Fuck Cauliflower.

Fuck Florists. Fuck Customer Service Reps. Fuck Private Schools.

Fuck Ciracha. Fuck Putting Salt In Beer. Fuck Scrapbooking. Fuck Drones.

Fuck Puppy Mills. Fuck Backyard Wrestling. Fuck Matt Whitaker.

Fuck Blue Jays. Fuck Backyard Breeders. Fuck Kellyanne Conway.

Fuck Vatican LAw. Fuck Kids In Cages. Fuck Russian Oligarchs. Fuck Fur.

Fuck Hello Kitty. Fuck Sports Bars. Fuck Shitty Pizza. Fuck Garbage Island.

Fuck Cable Sports Packages. Fuck Phone Promotions. Fuck The Red Tide.

Fuck Revelations (Bible). Fuck Palm Readers. Fuck Ouji Boards. Fuck Q Tips.

Fuck The Evil Eye. Fuck Pier One. Fuck Pottery Barn. Fuck Sharper Image.

Fuck Segway. Fuck Baby Bumps. Fuck Metal Wind Chimes. Fuck Fruit Wine.

Fuck Dean Heller. Fuck Scott Walker. Fuck Oliver North. Fuck Kris Kobach.

Fuck Bruce Rauner. Fuck Pete Sessions. Fuck Dave Brat. Fuck Kim Davis.

Fuck Claudia Tenney. Fuck Rohrabacher. Fuck Percentages. Fuck Huffing.

Fuck Metal Straws. Fuck Cheesy Welcome Mats. Fuck Police Check Points.

Fuck Valets. Fuck Permits. Fuck 3rd Party Billing Agencies. Fuck Sneaks.

Fuck Military Coups. Fuck Double Speak. Fuck Backstabbers.

Fuck People Who Talk Both Sides Of Their Mouths. Fuck Dementia.

Fuck Alternative Motives. Fuck Privilege. Fuck Servitude. Fuck Mentors.

Fuck Back Handed Compliments. Fuck Cheap Shots. Fuck Sucker Punches.

Fuck Walking Poles. Fuck Land Mines. Fuck Hummers (Vehicles).

Fuck Butt Chugging. Fuck Vodka Tampons. Fuck Smoking Tide Pods.

Fuck Sniffing Glue. Fuck Mass Production. Fuck Comfort Zones.

Fuck Haters. Fuck Alienation. Fuck Life Coach’s. Fuck Advisors.

Fuck Piss Jugs. Fuck Men’s Thongs. Fuck Product (Hair). Fuck Tinsel.

Fuck Cosmetics. Fuck Dereliction. Fuck Disadvantage. Fuck Ye Olde.

Fuck Foreskins. Fuck Conditioning. Fuck Gold Diggers. Fuck Trophy Wives.

Fuck Status Symbols. Fuck Recorders (The Instrument) Fuck a Quick Fix.

Fuck Being “Too Good For” Anything.

AND

Fuck f-yourblog.com.

Well if you have made it through the entire list without skipping an entry congratulations thats really some Hardcore Shit right there.

This is The End of the F List……OR IS IT?!

Thanks for Reading  By Les Sober

The Latest News From Nowhere Special

This post is a Hats Off Tribute to Our favorite Small Independent BiWeekly Publication “The Dullard’s Digest” out of  La Plant South Dakota with a Sparse Population of just 105.

The “The Dullard’s Digest” covers all things La Plant such as local happenings, community news, local government, Schools/Churches/Obituaries/Weddings, and all various local Odds and Ends such as The Yearly County Fair and the like.

Specifically for this post We decided to Showcase the Unusually Unique Advertisements found within the “The Dullard’s Digest” which are truly in a League of Their Own.

(If you make a reference to the movie Kill Yourself for High Crimes and Misdemeanors of And OR Being FUCKING LAME.)

So Let Us Begin With………

 

Pickler Pete’s Pickled Emporium

“Your Source For All Your Pickled Needs!”

Breakfast Bonanza Special:

1  Gallon of Edger’s Edibles Pickled Eggs,

1 Gallon Of Bryan Brine’s Pickled Sausages

And 1 Gallon of Vinegar Vally’s Pickled Pork Hocks

for The LOW, LOW PRICE OF $59.99

Introducing Pickled Pete’s BRAND NEW Luscious ALL VEGAN Line of Pickled  FRUITS AND VEGETABLES:

” A FINE BRINE VEGAN” AVAILABLE NOW!! Guaranteed to be Green as fuck.

BOGO SALE! Quart Jar of Pickled Top Self Tofu for Just $9.99 HOW DEVINE!

Pickled Products make Kids Happy, Hearty, and Healthy! Puts MAD HAIR on Your Chest AND Genitals! Excellent Prevention for ANY and ALL of Ass Caners (Domestic OR Imported!) Stops Dolphin Rape, and aids The Coalition   of Children Around The World Without Cocaine.

Try Our Pickler Pete’s Lovely Line of Pickled Goods for SENIORS! 4.25 Pound Jar of Pickled Prunes just $19.99 This Weekend ONLY!!

Clearance! Get 10 for $10 Get 10 lb. of Pickled Beets for $10!

 

The BarFly Bar and Lounge

Here’s Our Weekly Drink Special Run Down For This Week!

Mad Dog Mondays- Glass of Mad Dog 20/20 Fortified Wine for $1.50

MD 20/20 Flavors:  Dragon Fruit, Purple Rain, Tangerine Dream, Banana Red, Peaches & Cream, Blue Raspberry, Buck Bunny, Cranberry, Electric Melon, Key Lime Pie, Kiwi Lemon, Lemon Ice, Orange Jubilee, Red Grape, Spiked Melon, Sour Apple, and Strawberry Kiwi.

Tequila Me Tuesday: $3 2 for 1 Shots of Pepe Lopez, Montezuma, & El Toro

Wet Your Whistle’s BEER BELLY BAR (All Beer Bar) with Specials On

Pitcher of Bud Light and Clamato $2.50

Bucket of Natty Ice or Natty Light for $6.00 (# of Cans 12)

24 oz Beers for a Buck: This week featuring Schlitz, Rolling Rock, & Olympia

40 0z Thursday Specials: Get a 40. oz of  Colt .45, Old English 800, King Cobra, or  St.Ides  for $1.99!

FUBAR Fridays: MOON”Motherfucking”SHINE will put a smile on your face!

$12 Standard Mason Jars of:  Proof Positive (609 Proof)

White Lightning White Whisky (619 Proof)

Ilikea Opossum Paul’s Moonshine Vodka (732 Proof)

RumRunner’s Moonshine Rum (882 Proof)

AND

Jimmy Crackcorn’s Corn Rye Moonshine. (976 Proof)

ALL DAY EVERCLEAR SPECIAL Evercleaf Cocktail $3.75

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND……

SUPER SHOT Saturdays featuring Shot Specials!!!

.50 Cent Shots of Mr. Boston Blackberry Brandy, Canadian Club, Monarch Gin, and Old Grand-Dad

3 Finger for $3 Special on Oro Tequila, Gordon’s Gin or Southern Host

“God Save Me! “Sunday Hangover Breakfast is BACK AGAIN!

For all those idiots who drank their asses off the night before The Barfly offers a particular Breakfast known for its alleged Cure to the Hell of the Next Day’s Hangover, HAVE NO FEAR BARFLY SUNDAY BREAKFAST IS HERE!

This Week on the Menu- The Old Timer Special!

Consisted of:  12 oz Shank Steak, Spam Hash w/ Bacon, and 2 Slices of Pork Roll.

Served with a Side of Scrapple, a Pickler Pete’s 1,000 Year Old Pickled Egg

AND a 32 oz. PBR (Can) FOR ONLY $2.99!!!!

The Weisenheimer Theater and Movie Exchange:

Saturday Night Slaughterfest Featuring some of Your FAVORITE B-Horror Slasher Films!

This Weeks Triple Feature is:

“Shoot My Face Off I Like It” From the Demented Director of Denmark Emil Mikkel

“Disembowel Me as I Giggle” from Redound Japanese Horror Fanatic Akasuki Hiromasa

AND

“Copulating With Corpses” The U.S. Version of “Necrophilia Nights” from The Infamously Dark and Disturbed mind of Lithuania’s Master of Sheer Terror Von Dire

SHOW STARTS PROMPTLY AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT. COME IF YOUR DARE, BUT YOU MAY NOT LIVE TO TELL THE TALE!

FOREIGN FILM FRIDAYS featuring the finest Foreign Films from Liechtenstein, Guam, Antartica, Mongolia, South Africa, Fiji, and Turkey JUST FOR STARTERS!!

ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW AT MIDNIGHT EVER SUNDAY ALL YEAR!

AND REMEMBER Tuesday Night Troma is BACK AND BAD ASS!

 

All Troma Movies All Day Dawn to Dusk: Inquire about our Enema Express Pass Today and don’t miss a single moment of Troma’s Famous GORE! NUDITY! SEX JOKES! PUKE,PISS,and SHIT! All in the Name of Independent Cinema for OVER 42 YEARS and COUNTING! (Show Times: 1st Film Starts when the Theater Opens and Over after the Last one Plays before Closing!)

 Coming Next TUESDAY!!!

 COMING NEXT MONTH!

AND BE SURE NOT TO FORGET THE Weisenheimer’s WISEAU WEDNESDAY!

Every Wednesday This Year there will 6 showings (9am, 12 noon, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm and 12am) of the Notoriously Shitty Movie “The Room” by The Mysterious Tommy Wiseau.

“The Room” has been called by many The Worst Movie EVER MADE!

“The Room” had Movie Theaters posting “NO REFUNDS FOR THIS MOVIE” posters!

“The Room” One Critic’s Review Read “Watching This Movie is like Stabbing Yourself in the Brain REPEATEDLY!”

COME ONE, COME ALL Join us in the Rising Cult Following of Wiseau and “The Room”

Those were the ones we selected. Perhaps one day We will do this again, but Dunno.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober 

My Time in the Trenches of The Underground Music Scene

Just like countless writers before me I got my ego stroked and stoked in collage, then I graduated, and then found out making a living as a writer is fucking hard as hell. Following again in past writer’s footsteps I was tending bar at a beer and shot joint called Logan’s Local’s Lounge (No wonder so many writers are drunks)I was your preverbal starving artist so after rent and bills my pay check left me enough cash to sustain my diet of  Ramen Noodles and Malt Liquor.

One of the prominent  customers was a guy named Thin Dizzy who was a local show promoter, and manager of several popular local yokel area bands. Thin got his nickname for being 6’4″,sickly skinn ,and he was the World’s biggest Thin Lizzy fan ever born. It wasn’t long until we became buddies talking about music late into the night after closing. Most of those nights we conversed over a bottle of Cheap Whiskey while chain smoking Cowboy Killer Cigarettes furiously debating passionately about all things musical.

Thin it seemed knew everyone and one day I asked him to keep a look out for any writing jobs and throw them my way if he could as tending bar in mundane mind numbing work. After a few weeks Thin came in and told me he had found a job if I was interested. It was a small publication called DFF (Drink, Fuck,Fight) that specialized in underground musicians/artists. DFF was looking simply for a writer to write up brief biographies of Underground Bands to “Help educate the sheep of society of how Utterly Idiotic They really are, to remove the blinders and let people see the truths a lie unto itself.” as stated by the Chief Editor Eddie Overdose (a old school hardcore punk and idol of the underground who had managed to survive to tell about it. The job paid dick but it got me out from behind the bar, and at least my expenses (i.e. Room and Board type shit) were being covered by DFF.

By this point in my life I had already developed a morbid fascination, shock and awe for such Underground Hardcore Punk Bands such as GG Allin, The Mentors, The Murder Junkies, AntiSeen, The Toilet Rockers, The Meatmen, and Anal Cunt, but I thirsted for more. I took the job on the spot, quit my job the next day and headed over to DFF’s main (and only Head Office) located in the City’s Industrial Zone full of converted factories. Their address was 1976 Butcher’s Way Road blending into the long line of converted big brick buildings that used house such companies as The Murphy Brother’s Meat Gristle Packaging Plant to The Tex Sex Warehouse (Sex toys targeted at Texans or Fans of Texas) to The Widget Factory of a gone by era.

This was my first actual professional writing job. I stayed with DFF for almost 4 years until its untimely demise due to inbreeding. During those 4 franticly chaotic years I traveled all over America and even parts of Europe covering countless acts along the way. Some of the acts I covered were:

Ox Sucker, Dope Hate, FuckSLut, The Fuck Me Pumps, Cunt-Fart, The Manginas, The Gash, Vag The Impaler, Beef Curtains, Buttmeat Penis, Feninus, The Furious Fist Fucking 5, SRA (Surgically Reconstructed Assholes, The Shits, Too The Tits, The Bastards, ManWhore, The Hungry Hookers, Hobocide, The Clams, Harry Taco & The 1 Eyed Worm, Anal Retention, Humphole, The Crackhead Junkies, Bollocks, Von Dire, The Benders, The Young Cocksmen, The DPs, Puking Piss, Pisser, The Fucktards, The Strippers, Fuck Your Face, Rectal Invasion, The Drunkards, Stank Breath, Anal Leakage Inc, The Salty Yogurt Slingers, Force Fed Feces, Burnt Toast, The Decapitated Swine, No Narcs, The Westend Bell Ends, The Shitters, The STDs, Jesus and Hitler, The Nerts, Shit Out Of Luck, Fucked in the Head, The Cock Ring Kings, Punks in Porn, MC Satan D, The Jizz Moppers Union, Cum Guzzler, Throbbing Taint, The Rim Jobbers, Kill Jill,Finger Fucking Francis, Sucked, The Chicken Hawks, Dolphin Rape, Cell Block 7, The Assholes, The Necrophiliacs, Whore Monger, Alien Orgies, Bloody Sod Bollocks, Womb Tomb, Speed Ball, The Overdosed,The Body Bag Bitches, Sexed, The Perverted, The Genitals, Muff Diver, The Dumbass Dildos, Shit Sandwich, Commie Scum, Americanized, Vaginal Vermin, Crotch, Nuke The Nazis, Violent Vasectomy,The Left Handed Cigarettes, Anti-All, Shit Show, The Bullshitters, Boner Puppy, Man Meat Sandwich, The Schlongs, Eat Shit, The Slags, UTS (Up The Shitter), and MANY, MANY MORE.

So recently I went for a drunken stroll down memory lane and got nostalgic as fuck so what I did was I looked up a shit ton of these old reviews and interviews with some of the all stars of the Underground music scene. I have also decided to post some in the interest of personal prosperity.

Thanks for READING,

Les Sober 

 

I Don’t Drink That: Beer Blues

I’m simply sick and tired of friends and family that know me best chronically forgetting what alcohol(s) I drink, they all should damn well know better by now. So I’m at the point where the only goddamn thing I can do (having exhausted all other options) is to actually put it in Black & White.

Wine: No, I don’t drink Wine. Now lets be clear I have drank a fair share of Wine before in my life and I enjoy the drunk, BUT Wine hates the hell out of me. The worst most hellacious hangovers I have ever had the misery of experiencing were all from drinking Wine. I drank only Red Wine, I detest the taste of White Wine, and I sure a hell never drank any god forsaken Pink Wine bullshit.

Shots: No Not Any More. I used to do shots of Vodka or Whiskey but gave them both up as shots seemed to excellerate bouts of drunken insanity or black outs.

Punches/Niche Drinks: Hell to the No. I don’t care about Ancient Alcohols, Medical Meads, Roman Receipts or BC Boozes. Save that shit for the fare fans of Renaissance Fairs.

Cocktails: No with the acceptation of a Captain & Coke once in a blue moon or perhaps a Mojito ever several blue moons. Especially now a days as cocktails are making a massive comeback, I have no need for artisan cocktails. In my opinion Bitters are Bullshit, Garnishes of pickled Jalapeño or Candied Bacon are drink drama, infusions (example wood smoke) are for Idiots and Muddling is for Morons. I don’t want to watch my Bartender  spend 15 minutes making a drink like he’s a member of Circus Du Soleil.

Malt Liqueurs and Fortified Wines: I don’t drink Mad Dog 20/20, Old English, King Cobra, Crazy Horse, Thunderbird, Ripple, Red Rose or Boone’s Farm because I’M NOT IN FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL. That combined with the fact I’m also not WHITE TRASH or HOMELESS.

Hard Ciders/Sodas/Lemonades: No Way, No How. The concepts are cool but they don’t translate from paper to reality. Hard Ciders taste like fermented/spoiled Apple Juice thats been sitting in your grandmothers garage for several years.

Moonshine: Never Again. If you drink Moonshine you won’t be back to your self for at least 48 hours.

Beer: YES, WE HAVE A WINNER. I primarily drink Domestic Beers but I do like a few Imports as well as Craft Beers.

I like a couple Micro Brews, but their accessibility is restricted to geographical location.

I Hate IPA’s and other similar beers like Black And Tans, Bitter Beer is Bitch Beer in my mind.

I primarily drink Lagers and Ales, I hate Wheat Beers because after you drink a couple you feel like you fucking drank a huge loaf of bread.

I also HATE shit like seasonal beers like Pumpkin brews I mean Pumpkin WTF is wrong with you?

So thats I Official Alcohol Intake Mission Statement,

Thanks For Reading,

Les Sober.