It’s been a While since I Railed Against The fucked up Healthcare System, and after this Post I will put that Beast Back to Bed. The thing is I have NEVER Encountered this Situation before, and find the Whole thing to be Pretentious Bullshit.
I’m looking for a General Practitioner because I need another fucking Doctor like a need a fucking Hole in My Head, BUT My Cardiologist has opted to be a Whiny Little Bitch about filling One of My Medications After almost 2 fucking Years. The Medication is NOT an OPIOD, NOR IS IT XANAX, VALIUM, OR Any Other of the Over Prescribed Horseshit in Fact it’s SO Benign it could Almost Be an Over The Counter Medication like fucking Tylenol for Crying Out Loud.
Now granted I am frustrated and Angered by this Development, and Rather simply just Not Bother I’m not a fucking Idiot. I know I benefit a Great Deal from the Medications I take. I’m not Debating that in the Least. All I’m saying is the Entire Process is a MASSIVELY HUGE PAIN IN MY ASS, and No One likes Those unless You’re a Masochist.
You know what I mean You have to Find the Doctor, Yet You’re NOT Supposed to just Hop the Hell online and Pick One at Random and I fully Agree that Thats Foolish a Fuck. On the Other Hand what if You recently moved into the Area and the Issue is You don’t Know anyone well Enough to Trust Them for a Recommendation?! Then You need to somehow someway Locate a Doctor who is currently at the Time taking/Seeing New Patients.
If The Doctor is accepting New Patients You schedule an Appointment that’s Typically not Quite awhile Away (Couple Weeks to Several Months). Once the Day of the Appointment comes You go in fucking Early as Shit because You damn well know as a New Patient there will be EXTENSIVE fucking Paperwork (example Medical History) Tied Up in Bureaucratic Red Tape. Then Once the Pile of Paperwork is Complete You get to wait 30-40-60 Minutes bored out of Your fucking Mind in the Bland and Mind Numbing Waiting Room.
Just as Your Sanity is about to Crack You get ushered into an Exam Room where a Nurse takes Your Vitals, and May ask a few Questions before telling You that the Doctor will be in Shortly which is a fucking Joke. After Another 20-30 Minutes the Doctor Comes in and Finally You’ve Surpassed the Shitty System so Congratulations are in Order.
I managed to get a Referral from one of My Wife’s Co-workers who is also a Nurse so I figured I had an Advantage so to Speak. So Today I called Them Up to Try and Schedule an Appointment if at all Possible. A Woman answered and this is where shit started to take a VERY STRANGE TURN.
The First really Odd thing was She never bothered to even ask My Name more or less My Last Name. Second She NEVER actually said Yes or NO to the questions of The Doctor there Accepting New Patients which again seems unusually Odd. The Woman informs Me of the Following Procedure of Theirs which Totally confused the ever Living fuck Out of Me to be Brutally Honest.
Their New Patient Procedure for lack of a better Name/Term was as Follows. The New Patient must Personally come into the Office (and its worse for Me since I live in the Middle of the Woods so Everything I need is 45-60 minutes away), and I’m not kidding FILL OUT AN APPLICATION. Yes I said Application. Then The New Patients turns in the filled out Form(s), Goes Home, AND Waits 2-3 WEEKS to See if They get a Call informing Them They have been accepted as a Patient. Its reminded Me of the fucking Collage Application Process where They make You jump through God knows How many Hoops, make You kiss Their Ass, and Then String You along before letting You know Their Decision.
I didn’t let this Bizarre bullshit phase Me because I figured Well Hell it’s 2019 and the Internet Rules the fucking World so chances were I could fill out Their Form(s) Online. Immediately The Woman said that was NOT an Option. I asked Her puzzled as all get out then what were the Way or Ways I could do it Avoiding driving 2 hours round trip just to fill out a fucking Form(s). She paused and then Told Me I could have the Form(s) FAXED to ME and Then Fax them back when completed. That or She could SNAIL MAIL them to Me, and I’d then fill them out and send SNAIL MAIL them back.
This was so fucking Off Track I told the Woman I’d have to call My Wife because in 2019 I don’t Own a Outdated Dinosaur of a Communication System, BUT My Wife has Access to one at Work. I of course had No Clue what the Number was so I told the Woman I’d find out and call Her back in a minute with the Fax Number. She said Alright and We hung Up.
I contacted My Wife and She gave Me Her Work’s Fax Number and I called The Doctor’s Office back literally 3 minutes Later. This Time a Young Man who sounded like He just woke the fuck up after a Rip Van Winkle Length Nap. He also didn’t seem to have a Grasp of His Job or the Policies of the Office in which He is currently Working.
Automatically I explained I was a New Patient who was Referred to Them by a Current Patient. He then gives Me the Song and Dance about Coming In and Filling Out the Form(s) bullshit, So I ask Him can I Fax or Mail it (I remember the Previous Lady I had said Yes in Spite of the Fact there was NO Internet Option) still a Bit Bewildered.
He turns around and Tells ME there is NO OPTION but to Come in and Fill shit out. I then told Him I had Already Talked to a Lady who said I could use either Option so Now I don’t know Which One of Them is Correct and which is Full of Shit. I ask for the Woman (Who didn’t give Me her Name I realized then) to be put back on the Phone since this Guy was a fucking Tool. He put Me on hold for 15 fucking Minutes before Returning to the Line to let Me know He talked to the Office Manager and They had said Yes to Both Options.
I gave Him the Fax Number which I repeated 3 times, and made Him recite back to ME as I had NO fucking Faith in this All Star Asshole. He got it Correct and I Instructed Him to Write “Attention Les’s Wife” (of fucking course I didn’t actually say that, BUT I never Use Real Names. And in the RARE instances I do I make the Readers Well Aware.) and He doubled checked the Name and Spelling which Surprised the shit out of Me.
I Hung up still pondering what the hell was all This Happy Horseshit. Application?! What I got out of that was/is They are getting Your Info and Medical History and then like a fucking Draft Pick are choosing Who to Treat. I don’t know why the Douchebags just don’t say that They aren’t Currently seeing New Patients, BUT I can get My shit on File and Be all set if and When They Do.
Anyway My Wife got Home in the Evening and I retold Her the Seriously Insane shit I had felt with concerning this Doctor Referral/Recommendation. I then Inquired to exactly what in God’s Name the Form(s) actually were, AND THE DIPSHIT NEVER SENT THEM. Oh So Fucking Well, They can….SUCK A GIANT KING KONG COCK.
Thanks for Reading,
By Les Sober (Posted 12:23 AM)