Tag: medical procedures

Dark Web Videos: Hamburger Lady

Welcome to this Installment of Dark Web Videos Featuring THE HAMBURGER LADY!

  • While this Video was Dredged Up from the Abyss known as The Dark Web No One can be certain of its exact Origins.
  • Many People have claimed the Video is Cursed or Possessed in someway that will Negatively Affect Viewers. Others believe it was made by a Group of Satanists or some Devil Worshipping Death Cult. Even others claim it causes Insomnia, Paranoia, Nightmares, Disorientation, and overall feeling of Dread and Impending Doom. Others yet claim it’s Part of a Military or Government Experiment in Mind Control and Psychological Manipulation. Some even believe its a Coded Message from The Illuminati or New World Order (NWO).
  • The Narrator of The Hamburger Lady seems to be a Medical Professional or Specialist who is chronicling/Discussing the Case of One of Their Patients Who has been Severely Burned from the Waist Up.
  • As it Turns Out the Infamous Hamburger Lady is Based on a Fictitious Doctor’s Letter written by Postal Artist Blaster Al Ackerman in 1978.
  • Postal Art (or Mail Art) is a Popular Artistic Movement centered on Sending Small Scale Works of Art through the Postal Service.
  • Media commonly used by Postal Artists include but not limited to Postcards, a Collage, of Found or Recycled Objects, Rubber Stamps, Artist Created Stamps (called Artistamps), and Paint BUT can Also Include Music, Sound Art, Poetry, or ANYTHING that can be put in an Envelope and Sent Via The Postal Service.
  • The same Year (1978) Pioneering Industrial Band Throbbing Gristle released their Third and Final Album titled “D.o.A” featuring a Song Called The Hamburger Lady which used Samples of Ackerman’s Fake Doctor’s Letter pertaining to a Fictitious Burn Victim read aloud.
  • Throbbing Gristles’s Philosophy was Unconventional in that they Believed ANYTHING that makes a Sound is an Instrument, and if You can make the Sound then You are a Musician.
  • Below You will find the Dark Web Video The Hamburger Lady followed by Throbbing Gristle’s song The Hamburger Lady.

Enjoy.

Throbbing Gristle “Hamburger Lady” off Their Album D.o.A

Thanks for Watching,

  Presented by Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (28/365)

The Lights went out again as the Shell Shocked Performer was escorted off to seek Medical Attention no doubt, and for the Second Time the Poor Janitor had to come clean more Bodily Fluids off of the Stage in the Dark. During this Emergency Intermission Lee hear the stumbling sounds of yet more Members of the Audience had had Enough, and Stormed off to more than likely Demand a Refund.

By the time the Spot Light once again Illuminated the Tiny Theater Lee was extremely fucking happy that this was the Final fucking Act. For the Final Act an Obese Man who had to be pushing 400 and standing an unimpressive 5′ 2″ on a Good Day. He was wearing one of those humiliating Hospital Gowns with the fucking Ties in the back to keep the fucker closed.

        

Lee understood and could Fully Appreciate the Medical Reasons for Their Design, but still Lee considered Them to be more Insult to Injury than Medically Necessary. It was Indisputable that it was vital to the Patients well being to be Dressed in this mockery of a Gown as They call it in the Medical Community. Lee damn well knew it was so the Doctors can Grab whatever  Part of You that They need Access to (for Poking, Pounding, Prodding, Probing, or Puncturing) as Fast as Possible since in Medicine Time IS a Deciding Factor.

For Lee there were 3 questions about Hospital Gowns that had always lingered in Lee’s Mind. One was Why the hell couldn’t the fucking Material be made of something thicker or more substantial that the feeble glorified Toilet Paper?! The Doctors/Nurses aren’t ever going to fucking inject you Through the Gown regardless since doing so would contaminate the Needle.

      

Second Why the hell did the Ties have to be located at the fucking back which lets fucking face it is the most inconvenient spot to try and Tie so fucking thing. Why couldn’t the Ties be in Front or at least located on the Side anything would be better than on the fucking Back.

Three why the hell especially if They’re made out of Thin, Cheap, and Flimsy Material why the fuck does it have to be White AKA Almost fucking see through?! What the fuck do moronic Designs or what have You do, They don’t conceal shit very well if thats Their fucking Point.

Lee’s Fourth Question was why the hell couldn’t the Medical Gowns be fucking Longer. This thought always made Lee chuckle since there were so many Catholic High School Girls continuing the Ongoing Battle for Their Uniform Dresses being Shorter. Lee’s point was if shit goes down and the Doctors rush in to do Immediately Necessary Medical shit, and first would Open up the Gown. And since basically at that point They Medical Personnel have access to Your Fully Naked Body so why couldn’t They just be longer?! They weren’t fucking Cocktail Dresses for fuck’s sake.

       

Lee shook himself to Dispel the Daydream He was Diving into about Medical Gown Questions and Improvements. Once Lee’s faculties had righted themselves Lee saw That the Man in the Medical Gown had indeed unfastened the back of the gown, and it was now flying open. The Man had bent over at the waist and placed His hands on His Knees.

He then reached down to pick up a Small Lime Green Notebook that was laying in front of Him, and started to read aloud. It turned out He was reading Excerpts from “The Vagina Monologues” intermingled with Lyrical excerpts from various Songs by 2 Live Crew. The Man was reading the add mix of Literature and Lyrics with the Great Enthusiasm and An Unbridled Passion.

       

Lee looked around the Theater to see how many Audience members there in Fact were still remaining. Lee quickly counted 3 including Himself , but the Absence of a Viable Audience didn’t deter The Large Man on Stage in the least. The Man on Stage ended up reading for 45 minutes before standing upright, Closing the Note Book, and Staring strait into the Black Void of the Almost Empty Theater.

After 30 seconds or so the Man Lifted cast off His Hospital Gown, and Hoisted up His Belly to reveal a Monster Cock that was as thick as it was Long. He then lifted His Massive Member showing the Audience He was in Fact a Legit Eunuch, and where His Scrotum had been was a Intricately Detailed and quite Life like Tattoo of a Vagina. “I am The Recycled Sex a Homemade Hermaphrodite.” the Man proclaimed before walking off the Stage.

   

Lee now fully believed that Performance Art’s reputation for Weird Beyond the Fringe on The Fringe shit was Well Warranted, and that the Show He had just watched was all the Proof He needed. Accept for the Theremin Player Lee thought that Guy was fucking Awesome.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrows Nail biting Installment of………

LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (29/365)

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Behavioral Relapse Wreaks Havoc At Medical Office

Just the other day I had the displeasure of seeing My Secondary Doctor for a routine check in (not up as They already know what the fuck is going on with Me) to make sure Their Machines are running smoothly.

Now YES I do hate the hell out of Doctors thats a WELL Documented Fact, BUT being aware that Doctor’s/Doctor Offices’s are a trigger that will set me off like a fucking bomb means I have to do something about it.

Just being aware of the problem isn’t enough.

I fucking hate People who act like assholes, and then use some Medical/Psychological issue They have simple as an excuse. Having a Medical or Mental condition ISN’T A FREE PASS TO BE A JACKASS.

If You know what the fuck is wrong with You then its on YOU to FIX THE FUCKING PROBLEM or at least TRY to the BEST of Your Ability. Sitting around saying ” Oh its because  I have…..” IS A UTTER BULLSHIT.

Anyway back to the Story. We…Oh hold on ok. I say We because I bring My Wife with Me whenever I can as a sort of Good Behavior Insurance Policy though like this time it DOESN’T always work.

So We got to the Office and it chock full of Living Corpses as per usual, YET We didn’t have to wait an exorbitantly long time before getting summoned into the back.

Once there The Tech came in and did Her 5-6 minute system check, everything came back fine and that was that. Of course I couldn’t get the fuck out of a Doctor’s office without someone taking My fucking Vitals. It’s no big deal because its quick and Painless.

THEN the Nurse taking My vitals said that My Doctor’s Nurse Practitioner would be in Shortly. As I sat there a FEW things started to occur to Me. The first was oddly about My Primary (and only other) Doctor, and how He had been a moody fucker the last time I saw Him.

Apparently He was still bent out of shape about what I had said pertaining to Doctors, The Shitty Healthcare System, and How it Financially Rapes Patients while Doctor’s seem utterly fucking oblivious.

Then it dawned on Me why was I still waiting? The Appointment thus far had gone quickly and everything checked out fine so what the fuck?!

See My Primary Doctor has jurisdiction over every aspect of My Health like a Team Coach. The Secondary Doctor was called in as a Pitch Hitter meaning He was there to preform one Job, and when it was done that was essentially it outside of a Post Op and 3 month check ups.

I was curious then at first at what the hell the Nurse Practitioner could do for Me/Do Period. They had My Vitals. The Machinery was Checked and Signed Off On, and since thats all They ACTUALLY CAN DO FOR ME what then was I waiting for.

Patience is a Virtue I was Born WITHOUT.

Around 10 minutes went by and I getting less curious and FAR more irritated. At 15 Minutes I’ve losing self control at an increasing rate. At the 15 minute marker the Nurse Practitioner came bouncing into the Exam Room.

She was one of those fucking Happy, Peppy, Rainbows and Bunnies Cheerleaders of Life Types which is the LAST thing I want to deal with when I already about to go Ape Shit.

Of course the first words out of this Woman mouth is asking How am I doing? I said sarcastically that I’m at a goddamn Doctor’s Office so anyway you look at it its shitty.  She then tied to asses the situation as to what I the Patient was getting so wound up by/about.

I tried to reel Myself back in, but I could feel My Rational Thought giving way to Intense Emotion, but I started getting all tripped up (and a tad bit tongue tied) which only served to make shit worse.

Then I simple thought to Myself why am I struggling to stay Sane? Fuck It. Let Go. BE BRUTALLY HONEST no matter what DO NOT HOLD BACK.

And then the Shit Storm hit the Fucked Up Fan.

I hate when People say after these situations “Oh Thats Not Who I AM Anymore, Thats Not Me, I USED to be like that etc” BULLSHIT. Even if You’ve done Your due Diligence and corrected the particular issue You may be having YOUR STILL YOU.

YOUR STILL THE SAME PERSON, YOU JUST CHOOSE NOT TO ACT LIKE AN ASSHOLE.

Anyway I don’t exactly know what happened over the course of the next few minutes as I was busy relishing the chaos I was creating by deliberately CHOOSING to be a Absolute Asshole.

I remember something about yelling at My Wife “See this is what the fuck I’m talking about, this bullshit right fucking here, WHAT THE FUCK is this Shit?!”. Then there was a Barrage of F-Bombs. I was dropping them like I was Invading the fucking Exam Room.

Then things quieted down as I stopped to catch My breath, My Wife Held Her Own, and The Nurse Practitioner was trying to figure what the fuck She had unknowingly just walked into.

The Nurse Practitioner was the first one to break the extremely brief silence by say that if I calmed down and did as asked I wouldn’t have too see the twats for a year or if I didn’t I’d have to see them every 6 Months.”

THAT WAS THE WRONG THING TO SAY RIGHT THEN.

I like everyone else I know DO NOT appreciate being TALKED DOWN TO in a CONDESCENDING MANNER AS IF I’M A FUCKING CHILD or A FUCKING IMBECILE. Doctor’s have developed this as way of dealing with Angry,Nervous, Anxious, Problematic, Combative, Fearful, Depressed by Talking Down to Them like Children.

Let me just take a second to say its even worse for Senior Citizens because EVERYONE talks to the Elderly like the Child Minded Morons. It as if People have come to believe at some age you automatically become a Senile Invalid. There is actually a fucking term for this its called “Elder Speak”, and is an acknowledged and rampant problem within the Healthcare System.

In all do fucking favor The Medical Community is actively eradicating the issue of insulting Elder Speak as its fucking Insulting, Rude, Ignorant, Humiliating, Degrading, Demoralizing, and Dehumanizing.

DON’T TALK TO YOUR ELDERS AS IF THEY ARE CHILD LIKE IDIOTS. REMEMBER THE REALITY OF THE IGNORANCE OF YOUTH. You aren’t Invincible and YOU WILL DIE. Grow the fuck Up.

Anyways again back to the Story. I as you may have imagined I immediately told Her “DON’T  fucking talk down to Me like I’m fucking some sort of fucking Idiot who fucking can’t fucking understand a fucking thing, I’M NOT A FUCKING 3 YEAR OLD NOR A FUCKING IDIOT so stop talking to Me like I Am for fuck’s sake.

The Nurse Practitioner retreated then pausing at the door to tell Me to wait a little longer until some other assfuck comes in for some unnecessary shit. I looked at Her and asked if She was Stupid, Insane or Insanely Stupid?! At this point the question isn’t asked in Anger, but more Confusion.

I couldn’t for the fucking life of Me figure out WHY would She even think of asking Me to wait again wasting MORE of My fucking Time when I was already Pissed Off and not afraid to Show It Either.

Smartly before I could spit some more Venom Her way She just closed the fucking door. A moment later the Nurse Practitioner reopened the Door and told Me not to worry about whatever it was She had babbled at Me about.

I stood up instantly while slamming the chair I had been sitting  against the wall loudly. I then strode out of the Exam Room in about 2 strides out into the Hall. Due to being Angry Asshole I couldn’t figure out if Left or Right was the way out so I figured fuck it I have a 50/50 chance of being right.

I then realized I went the wrong way but had gotten turned around in the Labyrinth of a Office, and I had no real idea how to reach the exit. A Nurse came around the corner and almost banged into Me eliciting a “FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!”

Luckily for All I heard the Nurse Practitioner loudly informing Me where the door out into the waiting room actually was. I stormed out into the exam room giving My Patented “Say Something I’d Love To Violently Murder The God Living Shit Out Of You” Glare.

I of course have never seen this look and have tried to replicate it staring in mirror glaring at Myself like some sort of asshole. In the end though everyone says its never comes close to the Real Thing.

I truly hope someone at some point has the wherewithal to snap a picture with Their fucking Cell Phone because for Me its like hunting for Bigfoot while simultaneously BEING BIGFOOT.

Now by the time I hit the Exit door to Freedom I heard an Staff Member (Don’t know who/which as My back was to Them) ask bewilderedly where it was I was going. The Response They received as I answered over My shoulder not looking back was “As Far The Fuck Away From You Fucks As Possible.”

Fortunately for Me over the Last Year of Medical Madness managed to NOT act like an asshole for basically 11  Months out of 12 (The issue presented itself in Early January with almost Dying, and was Fully Under Control by Mid December after Second Surgical Procedure.)

BOTTOMLINE: If you have a Health issue be it Mental OR Physical AT LEAST TRY NOT TO LOSE YOUR SHIT ALL THE TIME AND ACT THE ASSHOLE.

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober