I was sitting at a Jiffy Lube recently and as I sat in the waiting room while The Mechanic tended to My Oil Change I hit up Twitter to Kill some Time. Now I Hate to Admit it, BUT I will be taking a Self Imposed Break from Social Media. It’s because of all the Sick, Revolting, and Criminal shit going on in Washington DC that is Eroding My Insanity with Over Whelming Rage. After only a Few Minutes I had become so Absolutely ENRAGED to the Point of Aneurysm so I had Exit Twitter Immediately.
The Problem was even after putting My Phone away I still Couldn’t Calm the fuck Down worth a Damn. All I could Think about all the Asshole Politicians are ACTIVELY DESTROYING OUR COUNTRY and KILLING THE PLANET SIMULTANEOUSLY on a fucking DAILY BASIS. I knew I had to think of Some Way to Funnel or Channel My Rage that would be Productive. By Productive that I mean I wouldn’t End up doing something Seriously fucking Stupid. Sine I have Trouble with Impulse Control and that combined with Being an Emotionally Driven Person and Artist it can get You into a Shit Ton of Hot fucking Water. I can personally Testify to That believe You Me.
Thats when I Realized that Diverting My Insane Anger into the Realm of My Creativity would be the Perfect Way to Deescalate My Growing Political Angst. I then Devised a Game of Sorts (Inspired by the French Revolution and Medieval Torture Devices/Methods) in which I matched Certain Politicians as well as Some Political Figures with What I would Deem the Appropriate Death Penalty for Their Various and Extensive Crimes Against America, It’s Citizens, The People of the World, and Humanity.
To Cover All Bases and My Ass: NEITHER I OR FYB CONDONE, PROMOTE OR ENCOURAGE, OR AGREE WITH ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST ANYONE AT ANYTIME WHATSOEVER. A REAL PERSON USES THEIR WORDS TO WIN AS ANY ASSHOLE CAN THROW A PUNCH.
Now with that Said and Out of the Way Here is the “Death Penalty Punishment List” I came up with while waiting for My Car to be Done. Enjoy.
Mike Pence: The Iron Maiden because It looks like The Iron Maiden was personally made for Pence.
Susan Collins: Publicly Stoned To Death the Sniveling Self Serving Sack of Shit.
Jim Jordan: Impaled just The Way Vlad would have Wanted it Done.
Donald Trump: Publicly Hung, Drawn, and Quartered Since is a Long and Painfully Drawn Out Process just like His STOLEN so called “Presidency”.
Bill Barr: “Buckwheat” is a form of Execution where a Loaded Firearm usually a Revolver is inserted into the Guilty Party’s Rectum before the Trigger is Pulled. This results in a SLOW and AGONIZING Death as The Quilty Convulse, Bleed, and eventually with in 15-20 Minutes Dies.
Lindsey Graham: Publicly Whipped Until Death since Trump uses Him as a Spineless Groveling Whipping Boy it seems most fitting an End for Graham.
Matt Gaetz: The Rack. He loves running His Lie filled Mouth so lets see How He’d liks having His Limbs Dislocated and then Ripped from his Body.
Mitch McConnell: Sarvation since He likes being called “The Grim Reaper” He deserves a Prolonged and Miserable Death. This will give Him adequate time to Meet and Greet the Actual Angel of Death.
Don Jr: Skinned Alive since He is such a Sleazy and Slippery Shitbag.
Devin Nunez: Death By Sepsis. This requires Nunez to be Superficially Cut (think Paper Cut) up and down His body, and then He is Rolled in or Submerged in Human Shit. This will over a short period of time cause Sepsis due to the Toxic components of Shit seeping into the Body/Blood Stream via the Superficial Cuts.
Eric Trump: Should have His Shit Filled Skull crushed EXTREMELY Slowly in a Vice.
Melania: Burned at the Stake so as Not to Contaminate Anything or Anyone with Her Stripper turned Hooker Venlarial Diseases.
Betsy DeVos: Hanging, But Not the Traditional Hanging You’re Thinking Of. There is No Fall (example falling through trap door) to instantly kill the Guilty by Breaking Their Neck. This Way The Guilty is Standing on the Ground, the Noise it secured around their neck, and then they are slowly hoisted up into the Air. This Secondary Method prolongs The Dying Process, and makes Hanging even more Unpleasant an affair.
Rudy Giuliani: The Real Chinese Water Torture (This is when the Guilty Party is forced to Drink Water until their stomach is pushed to its full Capacity.AT this point the Guilty is repeatedly kicked in the Stomach until it Explodes leading to Their Demise.
Brett Kavanaugh: Repeatedly and Relentlessly Raped to Death. Fuck Rapists Literally.
Mike Pompeo: Boiled Alive in Oil. Simple fill Vat with Oil, Place in Guilty Party, Heat Oil Slowly until Boiling, though Simmering is Probably Best.
Jim Bakker: Inverted Crucifixion. That Means Crucifying Him Upside Down so We can Send Him to Hell Faster.
Alex Jones: Eaten Alive by Rabid Hyenas. Considering Asshole Alex Jones bullshit so called Career with InfoWhores Hyenas seem the most Appropriate Animal(s).
John Bolton: Slowly Crushed by a Tank. Starting at His Feet and working its way up to His Head since Bolton is such an Adamant Warmongering Coward.
Kellyanne Conway: She should be Fed Feet First into a fucking Commercial Wood Chipper because the Fugly bitch looks like a Piece of Petrified Wood.
Paula White: Torn Apart By Horses. Thats to say Each one of Her Limbs should be tied to a Different Horse and then The Horses are sent in different directions until the Guilty is Actually Torn Limb from Limb.
Ivanka Trump: Force Fed Feces Since she’s so full of Shit let Her Choke on it.
Jared Kushner: Gas Chamber lets hear the Mute fuck Scream for Mercy.
Thanks for Reading,
By Les Sober
Les Sober