Tag: messing with people

Who Said Fucking W/ People Isn’t a Hobby?!

I  (Les Sober) was texting with SpaceDog today and scrounged up an old Textversation  he had one night when he was a bit drunk, board, and rather creative. So SpaceDog decided to fuck with a complete Stranger via Text to entertain himself.

SpaceDog has sent me a copy of said Textversation and……

Now Ladies and Gentlemen For your Entertainment I Give You That Very Textversation!!!

Stranger: who is this? why are you calling me at 2:30 in the morning?

SPACEDOG: I was calling in for a refill. I didn’t know you offered text messaging. I need a refill on the compact Cath. Can I get them in the 90 pack please?  They run out a lot quicker than I thought.

Stranger: no i am not Gina. i suggest you stop texting me i ask you nicely now  i am not your Viagra store, your cath company or senior center

SPACEDOG: My last Catheter broke and it was an bit of an emergency This is the number Gina gave me down at the senior center. She also told me you can help with my Viagra too. Damn stiffy aint working too good.How soon can you have this stuff sent out to me? I have a po box at zip code 18103, Po box #4827

Stranger: can’t you read i said i am not who you are looking for. what does that even mean? I have no idea who you are or what you want? how do you know me?

SPACEDOG: Be a nice boy they are the things that go on my cobra so i can tinkle in my bed and when i go to the Sands I can go right at the black jack table. How much is the refill on my Viagra? Only need 5 of those my lady friend is coming up from texas.

Stranger: well the clearly you can’t read your own writing sounds like you need to dial 1 800 Gambling problem

SPACEDOG: I got a problem with my old pecker 🙁 i only gamble with the money my daughter Bridget gives me. I’m not so sure what my writing has to do with this. Is that you Gina?

Stranger: are you drunk?

SPACEDOG: Only drunk on the lust i have for life. Is there a shipping fee?  The last caths cost me 9.95 for shipping but they gave me a discount for my hip. It’s not real. Shhhhh don’t you be telling my lady friend.

Stranger: is this Jimmy! how you get my number

SPACEDOG: I told you Gina down at the center gave me your number. Gina Gershon. Said you can help with what ails me but i had no idea you are ailing . How was I to know? Im just a lonely old man who needs his Caths. Only thing that’s wrong with me is my teeth fall out sometimes when i get all giddy.

Stranger: well as i told you you have the wrong # i don’t know any of those people.

SPACEDOG: (555)321-7654 Sometimes she goes by the name molly. Well one time she told me her drifter name was peggy. What a wild one that Gina. How much is the shipping costs and how do i pay you? My granddaughter has me on paypal and i got my check book here. Do I need insurance? My name is Tyler Durden policy #627HG269ZBT889NJLA990555FL0101001

Stranger: I am sorry you have the wrong #! this is a personal # and i am starting to get frustrated with this conversation. its rude you text me at 2:30 in the morning.

SPACEDOG: But my last Catheter broke and it was an bit of an emergency This is the number Gina gave me down at the senior center. Listen here sonny you shouldn’t have your ringer on if it’s that late and you aren’t doing refills.

Stranger: is this Jimmy from NY?

SPACEDOG: This is Tyler from foglsville

Stranger: i don’t know a Tyler?

SPACEDOG: Who is this Jimmy you speak of? Is that your barracuda? I haven’t been to NY in so long. My lady friend and i used to see all them shows, had ourselves a fine gay old time.

Stranger: alright i am having rough day right now either tell me how you got this number or know me or fuck off. i just lost someone very close to me and i have been trying to be nice but i am not in the mood for your games

SPACEDOG: Well Gina told me this is the spot. We are getting off track, i need 90 Caths, 5 boner pills and gina told me you got the tina too. Said its gonna pep up step whatever that means. I’m 87 not much pep to step.

Stranger: What are you talking about. i just had a death in my family. What is wrong with you?

SPACEDOG: Since you don’t seem to be doing much about helping me get my new Caths perhaps I can get a discount on the ones the old dead guys doesn’t need anymore. Do you offer a discount for recycling deceased patients medical devices and if so how much of a discount? 50% off sounds like a good deal to me.

Its finally at this point the Stranger realizes that they don’t have to respond just because their being texted in the first place. And only by responding would the Stranger reengage SpaceDog’s Senile Old Man’s Ranting.

See to me thats the funniest fucking thing about this situation that the Stranger doesn’t want to deal with the bullshit, BUT keeps perpetuating the very conversation they don’t want to be in in the first place. Its like trying to put a Fire out by pissing Gasoline on it.

As for our Dear Old Friend SpaceDog is concerned he has hinted that there just might be a sequel coming in the some what near future.

We will have to wait and see.

By to you by SPaceDog 

I’ve Been With My Wife 12 Years & Don’t Know Her Name So What?!

I was never aware of the fact until one day like another I was standing in my neighbor Joe Bob Billy Bob Jr.’s driveway shooting the shit and drinking some beers. We were taking a brief moment in our conversation (to stare menacingly in contempt and utter disgust at a mutually disliked neighbor’s house) when out of the blue Joe Bob Billy Bob up and out right asked me what my wife’s name is. This question gave me reason to pause because it was such a simple question that at first I could only look at Joe Bob Billy Bob with vacant eyes and questioning face. I suppose it was for that reason Joe Bob Billy Bob decided it was best to elaborate a bit more upon his question. Joe Bob Billy Bob reminded me that we have been  friends for 15 years or so now and during those 15 years whenever I talked about my wife I would always refer to her as just that, my wife and seemed to never use her real name. Finally Joe Bob Billy Bob’s curiosity which had grown constantly through the years as to way exactly I never called my wife by her name in conversation, and felt compelled at this point to ask why that was. I took a long drawl off of my beer and then told Joe Bob Billy Bob since he asked I’d have no problem providing an explanation for him.

Well you see I told Joe Bob Billy Bob when it comes to women I am insanely shy and quite nervous to say the least. When I realized this wonderfully wicked woman was interested in dating me (and it took forever and a day until I became aware of my Wife’s intentions were romantic)  I was extremely excited and very anxious to say the least. It was due to this initial anxiety when my Wife and I started dating that a week into our relationship I realized I had no idea what her name actually was. Luckily for me due to the fact I’m better with faces then with names (point being it’ll take me a while to learn a persons name) I had given her a nickname right from the get go. So I had to make a judgement call should I get force fed a entire Humble Pie and ask her real name OR I could stick with the nickname game and see what happens. I decided to go with the later.

Immediately as soon as I was done talking Joe Bob Billy Bob announced with great conviction that he was calling Bullshit so I was inclined to ask on what grounds. Joe Bob Billy Bob stated he was calling Bullshit because when we got married we had to exchange vows at which point I would HAVE to have learned her proper name, and thusly from that point on my initial argument is moot. Not so I replied for when we were exchanging vows I was so nervous all I could hear was the sound of my own heart pounding in my ears ,BUT thanks to plenty of rehearsals I was able to fly on auto pilot as They say.

At this point Joe Bob Billy Bob obviously didn’t believe me in the least and knew my story was absolute bullshit, BUT he had no proof what so ever which left a small amount of doubt in his mind that maybe just maybe as crazy as my story sounded it could actually be true. As I started walking back to my house I said “My Wife told me to tell you to stop by and don’t be a stranger.”