Tag: Model T

Automotive Tips From The Age Of The Model T

I think there is one thing Everyone goes Through when They get Their Drivers License beside suddenly having A Lot of New Friends (who all seem to need a Ride). What I am Referring to is the Parental Tutorial that’s usually Instigated by One’s Father on being a Responsible Driver.

I remember My Father telling Me to Have a Bag of Cat Litter incase I got stuck  especially in the Snow, Change the Oil very 5,000 even I Didn’t think it was Important, Keep Road Flares in the Trunk incase You break down on the Side of The Road Somewhere, Remember to Check the Oil, Periodically Check Your Spare Tire (because the Last thing You need is to get a fucking flat and THEN discovering  Your Spare is Flat Too), Wear Your Seatbelt No Matter What, Always have Jumper Cables in the Car, and to Maintain the Windshield Wipers (there’s No Point in Windshield Wipers if They’re Old, Ratty, and You can’t see Shit.) among Other Things.

Since Cars have Been Around since 1885 it lead Me to Wonder what the Tips for being a Responsible Driver would have been. I found a Few from 1903 through 1919 and Proved to be Way More Amusing than I ever Anticipated, and For that Reason Here They Are:

The Original Old School Hints for Happy Motoring:

  1. Your Engine is Overheated if Steam Rises when You Spit on it. Better Check Your Radiator.
  2. To Remove Dirt and Water from Gas Strain It Through a Chamois (a Type of Soft pliable and Porous Leather made from Sheep or Lamb Skin).
  3. Dump a few Oatmeal Flakes into a Leaking Radiator. They will Swell and Fill the Hole. In Emergencies, Dried Horse Manure will Also Work, and is Usually Available.
  4. Chewing Gum will mend a Leaky Fuel Line.
  5. Pump a Mixture of Chopped Feathers and Hot Molasses into a Worn Tire to Extend its Life. Messy incase of a Blowout.
  6. Guns are No Longer Needed Except in Certain Far Eastern States.
  7. Celluloid Windows are Best Cleaned with Vinegar.
  8. A Windshield Rubbed with a Sliced Onion will Stay Clear on Rainy Days.
  9. A Traveler’s Emergency Equipment should include a Rubber Lap Robe, Goggles, Tow Rope, Pump, Tire-Patching Kit, Canvas Bucket, Cans of GAs and Oil, Block and Tackle, Compass, Tire Chains, Small Tent and Sleeping Bags.
  10. Some States Have Speed Limits so Drive with Care.

Thanks For Reading,

  By Les Sober

(Posted@12:55am)

The Unraveling of a Small Town Arson

Even in a tiny rural town shit happens just not nearly as frequently as in more populated areas at least. Last night though a lot of shit was happening in the wee hours of the morning.

The original details as discovered and spread by the Locals:

At 4:oo am a fire of undetermined origin had broken out a utterly destroyed all three store fronts where the fire occurred. It sucks because this is a egonomivcaluy depressed area and these 3 stores where in the small handful of local businesses that have avoided bankruptcy. There was a secondary reason the fire sucked was the owners of the 3 stores had insanely awesome antiques such as an original Model T car and 1900’s all oak Soda Bar that also were destroyed in the fire.

Now this is where small town life gets even smaller. Right after the fire and I mean the very next day as soon as the sun came up. The town split into 3 schools of thought.

School 1 Thought it was just a run of the mill accident due to old buildings with sub par electrical wires and shit.

School 2 Thought it was Arson caused by Vandals or some mentally ill drifter sort of person/persons.

School 3 Thought it wasn’t a random act of Arson, but a very specific target indicating a Family Feud that got well out of hand, and some one involved went rage crazy and was all ‘I’M GONNA BURN YOUR BUSINESS DOWN YOU BASTARDS!” Seriously feuds and grudges go far down here. An Example being There are 3 families who all own section of property. 30 plus years of futile arguing and disagreements (as well as a shit ton of underhanded and actually illegal shit going on) has lay way to intense resentments. The current generations involved in this land deal are still holding onto the grudges of the past generations.

Well why the Towns people speculated on the Local Police and Fire Chief had figured out what happened, who did it, and promptly arrested them. See there was a 4th School of Thought that no one attended, and that was Theft.

What Really Happened the the Night of the Arson. A local podunk officer was slowly cruising down Main Street at 4 am when a “an old and very beat up Chevy” came speeding out of the ally by the 3 stores that were burned. The speeding car almost t-bones the cop car, but luckily a collision was avoided that time.

People down here have a tendency when confronted by the Police to try and out run them. This case was absolutely no different. Immediately after almost causing a serious car wreck the Old, Beat Up Chevy takes off like his ass is on fire. A Police chase issues inevitably leading to the suspect driving too fast on windy ass roads until he drives off the road into a tree/drainage.

Again thats exactly what happened next in the story. The Driver survived the initial collision at least long enough to narc out his partners in crime. When inspecting the wreck the Police found the obvious reason for the Arson to cover a Robbery. The Chevy was crammed full of $1,000’s of dollars worth of merchandise from all 3 stores, and at that point they drew their conclusion. The Robbery wasn’t a personal matter nor Arson for Arson’s sake, but it was in an attempt to try and destroy all the physical evidence from the Robbery itself.

No one is sure if the Driver is alive, but his two crew members have been arrested and charged with Breaking an Entering, Arson, Resisting a Police Officer, Fleeing the scene of a crime, Grand Theft of over $1,000, and perhaps more but I don’t know currently so I for one WON’T Speculate.

Thanks For The Read Reader,

Les Sober