Tag: movie props

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (11/365)

Shane then scrawled His signature on the Credit Card Receipt, Said thanks for the Cool Question, Turned just in time to see Glen stick His head in the Door and Peer around disapprovingly, and double timed to towards the Door.

Lee had almost all the information He wanted, but He had to try and get Shane to Answer one lats Question before departing. “Why did Lester Lie to the Town Council telling Them that You Guys were making a Low Budget Horror Movie?”

   

“I thought a smart Fan like Yourself would have already figured that out.” Shane answer honestly surprised by the Question. Shane looked down at His feet for a minute before providing Lee with His answer. “It was because if You think the fucking Shop Onner’s were fucking pissed about it Imagine if Lester HAD told them the Truth about shooting a Indie Horror Flick? They would have Denied the Permits like a motherfucker, and We still would have Filmed the Scene, but We also would have been subject to the Legal Repercussions. The way Lester did it We had the Proper Permits to Film even though Lester Lied about What kind of Movie We were making it wasn’t technically illegal. It was just a dick Move Ya know.”

With that Shane exited and started His return to Work. Lee sat for a few minutes mulling over the conversation he had just had, and found it quite satisfying. Lee spent the next few hours surfing the Internet Googling the fuck out of whatever entered His Mind at that moment.

   

Lee spent the majority of His time wandering around the Internet reading up on the History of Cannibalism in Fiji. The most interesting documentation Lee came across was the Testimonials of various Christian Missionaries who had traveled to Fiji in the Hope of Converting the Natives. Now yes some where in fact Killed and Eaten over the Year of Active Cannibalism in Fiji.

Now Life in Historical Fiji was Brutal even for Those Missionaries that were luck enough to not be Murder and subsequently Consumed by the Native Tribes of Fiji was no fucking Picnic that was for sure. The Natives had a habit of Harassing the Hell out of the Missionaries. They frequently tossed Severed Heads or Limbs or Freshly Stripped Human Bones over the Walls on the Monitories littering the lawn with Their Human Leftovers.

     

Even more Outrageous were the Written Accounts of The Missionaries about the Rival Native Tribes returning from Battle with Prisoners in tow. The Natives were exuberant not just drunk on the Victory in Battle, But that They also got to EAT THE PRISONERS.

Lee thought this was a wonderful example of Perspective. To the Outside World (for the most part there were other Countries that indulged in the Ritual of Cannibalism) Cannibalism was one of the Greatest Taboos, Yet for the Cultures that Practiced Cannibalism (or Necro Cannibalsim or the Eating of the Dead) it was Perfectly Acceptable, and really not that a big of a deal that They ate People, its just what the did. It’s what They were taught growing up. Teaching the Next Generation the Practice of Cannibalism was just like Scumbag Racist indoctrinating They’re Young with Their Hate.

   

Stay Tuned for Kids Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (12/365)

Thanks for Reading,

   By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (9/365)

“When it comes to Lester He was a Genius, but I think as the Years went on Movie, By Movie He just slowly slipped into Insanity.” Shane said like someone recollecting a memory that until then had been long forgotten.

“Can I ask You one Question.” Less asked Cautiously, “It’s Not the Usual Fanboy Bullshit either I mean save that crap for ComicCon right?!”

“Fine if it’s just one Question Go For It I’m not exactly in a Hurry to head back to the Set with Mr. Motherfucker out there.” Shane said with a guarded tone in His voice as Shot a Quick Glance at the Door as if He gave a shit about keeping tabs on Glen (Who had yet to return from His Self Imposed Exile to the Parking Lot.)

   

The reason Lee asked Shane a Personal Question about working with Indie Film Icon Lester Sane was He didn’t want to Waste time or an Opportunity to  Learn about Shane and Lester’s Work Relationship.

Sure Lee had countless Questions being a HUGE Lester Sane Admirer, But He was reminded of a Saying He had heard Growing Up that “A Warrior Can’t Win Every War, So He Must Choose His Battles Wisely.” Lee realized that pestering Shane about What Lester was like in Real Life would be useless. The last thing Shane wanted to talk about was His Batshit Boss.

Lee figured if He wanted to know more in-depth about Lester’s Life or Career He could look it up Online. If He bother Shane with the Typical Type of inane Questions (He got asked every time a Fan of Lester’s Fils finds out that Shane actually Worked with) Shane would become further irritated, and would simple Walk Out, and Lee would have Learned Nothing.

“Thats the kind of Question that You think would be one of the Easiest to Answer.” Shane answered in a Hazy Daydream like way,”I’ve been working for Lester since I graduated from Film School 11 years ago. I really think I was His first Employee actually.”

Lee remained silent allowing Shane the time He needed to since He was going to be gracious enough to indulge Lee in answering His Question. Hurrying Him now would only be Counter Productive since Shane’s angst was subsiding by the Minute. Shane for His part was standing in place switching His weight from foot to foot as He was thinking the Question over in His Head.

“If I had to pick one I now it sounds Cheesy, but it be THE DISEMBOWLER which was My first feature Film and Lester’s 3rd Movie that He had ever made.” Said Shane with a longing fondness of Someone reminiscing about Their Childhood growing up.

   

“Jesus You have been with Lester since basically the very fucking beginning.” Lee said with great admiration unable to restrain Himself before elaborating further,”I mean Lester’s first Film was VOMITORIUM was a Student Film which was followed by Lester’s Short Film I’LL EAT YOUR ENTRAILS so really it was both Lester’s as well as Your first actual Feature Film.”

“Whoa You are a Hardcore Fan if You know about Lester’s earlier Years before He became the Controversial Icon. Most so called Fans just know about the Newest shit of Lester’s like SKULLFUCKER or EJACULATING FECES and all that really over the top Shit.” Shane replied sounding quite sincere, “But there’s nothing like the frantic chaos of Lester’s earlier Film Projects. It was one of those things You’d have to be lucky enough to be in the Right Spot at the Right Time to receive the honor of Participating in it.”

        

Stay Tuned for Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (10/365)

Thanks for Reading,

 Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (8/365)

I apologize that this post is quite a bit late. It’s currently 12:11am. By current Standards that technically Tomorrow so I neglected to get this so called Daily Post in by the Midnight Deadline. I personally think Midnight is far to early to Count as the Next Day. I believe that time is 3:00am. Some Say Six but that Midnight’s exact extreme Opposite. I will try to adhere to th Rules I set for Myself regarding this Mishap.

   

Shane reached Check Out, and unceremoniously tossed the Dildo onto the Counter. It appeared to Lee that Shane still had something to say on the matter at hand so He decided to engage Shane a bit further to satiate His growing Curiosity.

You see Lee had taken Note when Shane had Dropped the Name Lester Sane as Lee Himself was in fact a Huge Fan of (In)Sane Movies which was Lester Sane’s Production Company. Lee couldn’t pass up a chance to pick Shane’s Brain to find out all He could about one of His Cinematic Heroes.

“Hey Bud I couldn’t help but hear that You work for Lester Sane.” Lee said with a slightly questioning inflection in His voice.

“You heard Right. Whats it like working for or with Lester Sane well His Number One Influence and Icon is Lloyd Kauffman of Troma if You catch My Drift.” Shane replied Earnestly with just a Bit of Incredulous.

 

“Can’t Lie I’m a Big Fan of Troma and (In)Sane,” replied Lee Hoping that His comment didn’t piss Shane off into Shutting Down and thus Ending Their Exchange.

“Lester is actually a quite intelligent, and at heart is truly a Nice and Caring Guy, The Problem is You have to see that through a Thousand Layers of Bullshit, and most People give up or are Run Off before They even have a chance of Knowing the Real Lester Sane. It’s rather fucking Sad You Think about it.” Shane said while Idly Inspecting the Dildo that Started the Whole Debacle not because He gave an actual shit, BUT it provided Him a Focal Point.

“My Brother is the same Type of Personality.” Lee said encouragingly as He Rung Up the Dildo.

   

“Hold on,”Shane blurted Out before reaching over and snatching an adjustable Cock Ring of the Impulse Buy Display at the Register. “There now the King has Everything for His Erectile Empire.”

“I see what You’re saying. It seems some of the most Brilliant Artists blur the Thin Line between Genius and fucking Madness until You can’t seem to distinguish One from the Other” Lee said matter of factly as He tossed Shane’s purchases into a Plain Brow Paper Bag.

Funny Lee thought that the Whole Purpose of the Innocuous Brown Paper Bag to be absurdly Funny.  It was intended to Hide the Fact that You Purchased something Pornographic by disguising it in a Everyday Mundane fashion.  The Irony was that the Jig was Up long ago since People realized Brown Paper Bag approach was just a Rouse. Thus You can’t be a fucking Magician if Everyone knows Your fucking Tricks.

     

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of LEE JONITIS: PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE WATCHER (9/365)

Posting Time: 12:36am

Thanks for Reading,

  By Les Sober

Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (7/365)

“Alright Lester told Me He’d text Me the exact specifics, but He wants us to Buy the Best medium range Dildo for now. Then on Our way back Lester wants Us to stop off at a Hardware Store and pick up some sort of Weather Proofing Spray. You know the kind Business Types use to Water Proof Their expensive Italian Leather Shoes and Shit.” reported Shane very matter of factly.

“Furthermore Lester said as for post Severing Scene Lester’s going to use a small Metal Bar to reconnect the 2 broken pieces. Next He’ll Super Glue the Broken pieces back together around the interior Metal Bar Support The all thats left is to Slap a Cock Ring over the repair, and then will be reusable in Lester’s next Outlandish Film.” Shane continued as Glen stared at Him Blank Faced and Motionless. Once Shane was finished relaying Lester’s instructions turned and walked out without saying another word.

    

Shane stood looking reminiscent of a Meerkat searching the Grass Lands for possible Predators as He watched in dismay as a Frustrated and Furious Glen marched to the Door, and threw it Open forcefully just in case Someone wasn’t aware that He was being an Angry Asshole. Shane then leaned over and grabbed one of the Dildos off the Rack, Glanced at it, and then Shrugged to Himself.

Lee’s observations so far were Shane was Voice of Reason or The Sensible Ying to Glen’s Emotionally Driven Combative Yang. It was Shane’s unofficial  job to stay Grounded and Rational when Glen flew off the hook in a Wild Whirlwind of  Extreme Emotions. This dynamic Lee found was more than common amongst the Members of Society.

     

Lee had decided that Opposites Do AND More Over MUST attract. One Person is The Calm to the significant Other’s Chaos which works as They 2 Personality Types nullify one another. When You put 2 identical Personalities together in one relationship it NEVER works, and is usually just one long clusterfuck from Beginning to End. People are just like fucking Magnets in Opposite Poles Connect to one another while if You try to connect 2 Magnets using Their SAME Poles They repell each other (The desired Connection is for all intensive purposes is Impossible.)

   

Shane approached the Check Out counter still trying to figure out if the particulate Dildo He was about to purchase for His Boss to use as in the (Castration & Masturbation with a Cheese Grater None The Less) Scenes His Gory  Splatter Movie was indeed the “Right” One for the Job.

Stay Tuned Kiddies for Tomorrow’s Installment of Lee Jonitis: Professional People Watcher (8/365)

Thanks for Reading,

 By Les Sober